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If you're new and don't want to read through the entire rather long story there is a recap on chapter 72. However, most of the earlier chapters are quite short so you'll get caught up if you do decide to go back to the beginning. Love y'all!
JACOB'S POV
We make love slowly, quietly and tenderly. When it is over I hold her in the darkness of my bedroom, pressing her hand to my mouth, kissing her fingers affectionately; savouring the moment. I am unsure how long it will last. We don't talk. Until...
"So..." Nessie finally breaks the silence, "um... do you get... a lot of visitors?" She asks. I am confused. I am not sure what she is talking about at first and then she lifts the foil wrapper discarded from the condom we had just used. My stomach sinks. I don't know how to answer that. A moment passes.
"Occasionally," I mumble, running my thumb along her knuckles and kiss her palm. I don't tell her that they mean nothing to me. And that it's on very rare occasions. And that every time I do, I miss her even more and regret it all the next morning.
"Hm," she nods. She doesn't push for any details. What I wouldn't give to be able to read her mind. I contemplate asking her the same question but am afraid of the answer. I look down into her eyes. "You don't owe me an explanation," she says quickly. "I was just curious. I didn't expect you to just stop living, after all."
"... Did you?" I can't help myself.
"Did I what?" Nessie asks.
"Stop living?" I lean my cheek into her palm hoping to catch a glimpse of what she is thinking or feeling. Nothing. She has gotten better at hiding her internal monologue.
Nessie looks down from my gaze. "For a long time," she said. "But then I... well... there's this one guy," she says. My throat tightens. I have no right to ask for any more than that so I don't. I don't like the idea of her being with anyone else. She's meant to be mine. "But not lately… it got complicated."
What is that supposed to mean? Complicated? Complicated like this? Like us? I feel intense jealousy for the other man complicating her life.
We stay silent for a long time and moments later she is asleep. I sit up from where I am laying, careful not to wake her. I retrieve a pair of boxer shorts, leaving my joggers on the floor. It has cooled down a bit from earlier but not by much.
I sit on the edge of the bed and watch Nessie sleep. My eyes wander to the ajar drawer where the condoms are located. I try to close it but it jams. I pull it out and try to push it back in when I see something slide into my view. A small velvet box. I pick up the box and glance over my shoulder to make sure that she is still sleeping. The box creaks a little bit when I open it and look at the engagement ring I had gotten Nessie all of those years ago. The one she threw at me when we ended things. I held onto it but forgot that this is where I keep it.
I run my thumb over the precious moonstone surrounded by gold. It wasn't an expensive ring but it was sentimental. Inscribed is a message that reads 'forever pulling on my heart'. Forever? Right. Feels so close and yet so far away all at the same time. I exhale, close the box and return it to the drawer. This time I manage to get it to close.
I take one last look at Nessie before leaning over to give her a tender kiss on her forehead. Then go out to the living room and lay down on the couch for the night.
When I wake the next morning Nessie is uncomfortably quiet around me. I get a sense that she is avoiding me and I am not sure why. Perhaps it was because I revealed that there have been other women. I don't know. I let her and River visit while I try to fix the AC. It helps me to feel less self-conscious when my hands are busy. Afterwards, we head into town to the local diner to do a birthday breakfast. River was very happy that she was there when he woke up.
When we enter the diner the whole establishment stops to gawk at us. Word gets around on the res. Everyone knows about the wolf packs but don't say anything. Everybody knows about vampires but don't say anything. For a community full of people who don't talk, word sure does get around…
What makes this particularly newsworthy is that as a pack leader, I am also a community leader. People come to me with their problems. I sometimes wish they wouldn't. When Nessie and I were together she was considered as high-ranking as I. Like a queen, for lack of a better term. Nessie and I haven't been seen in public since before River was born. I can understand their curiosity.
"Is it closed?" River asks, he must have noticed the silence.
I clear my throat loudly and everyone gets back to their breakfast and coffee, the clanking of cups and cutlery resumes.
Brielle, a waitress, motions to the booths lining the windows. Our eyes lock for a moment and I feel nervous. She looks nervous. I had forgotten that she worked here… She is one of the few women I had hooked up with. It's one of those hook-ups that are more about physical chemistry than actually liking the person. She acted shy around me and I liked it. She's 20. We have nothing in common. We've probably slept together twice… last time was just over a month ago.
"This way," I mutter, taking River's arm and putting my hand on the small of Nessie's back, trying to get us to a booth that is less visible to onlookers.
"Cosy," Nessie mentions with an attitude when I direct us to a booth that is closed in and away from view.
"Yeah… well… you know how they are," I sigh, "I will expect half the town to drop by to get the scoop. Might be good for business."
"Excuse me," Nessie says leaning out from the booth and looks directly at Brielle, "can I get some coffee please… for the table?" She touches River's shoulder, "do you drink coffee yet?"
"He's still a kid," I reply.
"What are you afraid of? Stunting his growth? He's like 6'1"," Nessie retorts.
"And then afterwards you can give him his first beer too," I grumble sarcastically, "he literally just turned 16 an hour ago."
"Oh my god. You've become my father," Nessie says, comparing me to Edward. I crack my knuckles at the suggestion that I am anything like Edward.
"Uh… it's okay, guys," River says, obviously feeling the tension and hearing my knuckles pop, "I'm fine with water. I'm going to use the bathroom," he says getting up from the booth and expertly walks to the men's room. He's familiar with the diner. I suspect that he is getting up to let us chat.
Brielle comes over with coffee and pours our cups with shaky hands. She opens her mouth as though she wants to say something to me but then closes it again and retreats quickly. I look to Nessie's gaze, her eyes fixed on the view outside.
"Did I offend you in some way?" I finally get down to it. Nessie looks surprised at my directness. "I thought that we were cool after…" I glance around and then lower my voice more, "after last night."
"I'm cool. It's cool. Did you sleep well?" She says passive-aggressively, looking up from her coffee cup and I realize what this attitude is.
"You're pissed that I slept on the couch," I raise my brows, it registers on her face that I am right. "I just didn't want to confuse things, Nessie. Obviously, things are complicated. One good night doesn't just make the last 16 years go away. I tolerate our co-parenting but-"
"Wait. You tolerate me?" Nessie's face sours.
"What I mean is that us being together wasn't like us getting back together," I say, trying to be clear.
"It's fine," Nessie replies shortly
"Look. I don't want it to be like-"
"Just stop," Nessie insists.
"But Nessie, you need to know that-"
"Drop it," she says quickly as River returns from the bathroom.
I sigh and look down realising that, in her nervousness, Brielle had poured three cups of coffee. I slide the third cup in front of myself. Nessie rolls her eyes at me.
The breakfast was pleasant albeit awkward for Nessie and me. Once we finish breakfast and the plates are cleared away, we continue to sit there having coffee-water for River-as Nessie reads descriptions of books to River from her phone and orders all of the ones in brail that he seems interested in.
"I can get these in audiobooks for you too, you know," Nessie offers but River shakes his head.
"No, I like having the actual pages," he says.
"Should I also order a bookshelf from Ikea?" Nessie chuckles scrolling through the order.
"Oh… Is it too much? We can remove some," River says politely.
"Are you kidding? It's your birthday and all you want is books. There. Ordered. Happy birthday, babe," she chuckles and looks at the time on her phone. "It's noon, should we just go ahead and order lunch here too?"
"Yeah," I say and get up from the booth. "Excuse me," the awkwardness is getting to me and I need to step outside for a moment to get some air.
"Jacob," Brielle approaches me as I attempt to step out but is intercepted by Seth who seemingly appears from nowhere.
"Jake!" Seth waves at me.
"Sorry," I apologize to Brielle and nudge Seth outside of the diner to talk to him outside.
"Is she really back?" He asks curiously.
"Did someone put out a smoke signal or something?" I grumble. Since we've been at the diner several people have shown up just to gawk at Nessie and I sitting together. "She's here for River's birthday. Please don't make a big deal out of this."
"How can I not? It's You and Nessie. In public doing normal family shit," Seth says. "Does this mean things have finally gotten better between you two?"
"No, it's… I dunno," I reply honestly.
"Man, I don't know how you do it. How can you stand being away from her?" Seth asks, "she's your imprint."
"I do fine," I lie. I don't really want to have this conversation. The truth is that I struggle all the time not having Nessie in my life. Sometimes it gets better but other times it's fucking miserable. Last night was probably the best night I have had in years.
"Look, word got out to the other pack that Nessie is here and I'm afraid Sam's pack is heading down to the diner," Seth says finally.
Fuck. I look through the window at Nessie and River talking. I better go get them and get out of here before this becomes a big deal. When Nessie left, Sam declared her as an unwelcome tie to vampires. Sam has made no secret that he also doesn't like River due to his tie to Nessie. He also hates that Misty-his daughter with Leah-is friends with my son but there is nothing much he can do about that. Misty may even be friends with River to spite him.
"Thanks," I slap Seth on the back. When I return to the diner Brielle tries to stop me again.
"Jacob… is that um… is that her?" she asks. I don't reply. I just nod. I glance around looking out for any of Sam's pack… "Um… Jacob? This is kind of awkward but-"
"Look. I'm really sorry, Brielle. We have to get going," I reply, "can this wait?" I ask. Brielle thinks that she is letting me down easy or something. This sounds like the beginning of the let's just be friends talk that I have become accustomed to once any woman I spend any time with figures out that I am incapable of being anything more than a one night stand to them. "Can we get the check?"
She nods and disappears behind the counter.
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