A/N: Sorry it has been so long to update, but I went through a serious writer's block a couple months back and this story was harder to get back to than my other story, I rewrote this chapter about 10-times and I'm still not really happy with it. I just want to let you know I will finish this story and just remember that this is an AU story that does not really follow canon very much, specifically there is no "group" that meets to eat together and each of the couples, though friends, do not have the same bond the show presents, so basically anything can happen.

Chapter 79

The ride home from the beach seemed to continue with that same comfortable quiet, that they had on the beach, as they both were content to just be close to each other. They talked a little but seemed to just enjoy the ride home in each other's company, not needing really to say that much, and making it back to Pasadena just as the afternoon traffic was picking up on the California freeways. That relaxed comfortable feeling continuing to last through their arrival back at the apartment building parking lot, until they got out of the car, when they were both brought to laughter after they saw how much sand they had taken back to Pasadena with them. This resulted in Leonard having to spend the first thirty minutes, after their return, helping Penny wrap her cast in plastic so she could take a shower, to get rid the sand that seemed to find its way to places it shouldn't have been.

Penny took a little while before she was done getting clean, the cast and the need to work around it, making Leonard have to wait till he was sure she was all taken care of before he could shower himself. So, by the time they were both refreshed and in clean clothes again, Penny in a set of baggy sweats, they were hungry again, Leonard preparing them a quick dinner which they ate while they sat and mindlessly watched TV for couple of hours. Again, not talking that much but sitting close together and basking in the warm comfort that seemed to continue to surround them from that afternoon. Consequently, it didn't really surprise Leonard that just after 9 PM he noticed that Penny was dozing on his shoulder, all the fresh air and exercise they had gotten finally making them both ready to call in a night, Leonard now realizing how tired she was, too.

Yet before they could go to bed, Leonard had to wake Penny up, so he gave her a little shake, "Hey sleepy-head, you about ready for bed?" he asked her quietly.

"Yes please." she said just as quietly back, never opening her eyes or even moving.

Leonard softly chuckled, she looked so adorable it actually scared him because it just reminded him how much he cared for her and how much it would hurt if he ever lost her. Penny was the same girl from a year ago but she was also better, she was obviously much healthier now and just looking at her, as he was now, made Leonard realize how much their situation had changed just that day. They were now alone, with her parents gone it was now just him and her, and it now hit him how much this reminded him of just over a year ago when it had been just him and her alone. That thought quickly erased his good mood from the day and made him do something he couldn't help, thinking over again what Gloria had told him a year before, that when she got better, she might decide she didn't need him anymore. It was something that he had hoped to put out of his mind, since Gloria had said it that year before, but since he had been so happy with her today, those words had now come back to haunt him.

As he sat there looking at Penny, Leonard knew there was a very good chance that he was probably overthinking again, something he had a tendency to do when things were going too good for him, too good to be true, like being with her right now. He desperately wanted to just be happy, like other people, when things were going well, however in his mind his whole life seemed to contradict that premise. Therefore, there was that doubt that told him that he had to harden himself to the reality that there was a very good possibility that she could leave in the future, when her leg was better. He really didn't want to think that way but after years of disappointment, with other girls he had known, it had become second nature to him and his feelings for Penny only made him think the worse.

Also, like a lingering specter, there was her mother, Leonard was still not over her actions with her daughter, he was not use to parents caring so much for their child and it made him wonder if maybe she was seeing something he was not. Her mother had raised her and according to Penny had spent a lot of time with her over the last year before she joined the Rodeo, so it made Leonard wonder if the woman could see something that he couldn't. There was also his deceit, his not telling her mother or even Penny about what he did to Kurt, he actually hoped that telling Wyatt would make that information know later to her mother without him having to tell her while she was there. It was cowardly of him to do that and this to his mind only added fuel to the fires of doubt that was now occupying his thoughts and if that wasn't bad enough, he remembered that after his talk with her father, the silent agreement between them that he would not hurt Penny. He had admired Penny's father from the first time he talked to him, the man to him was the father he never had and the even thought of displeasing him in any way was something Leonard could not do.

Leonard really couldn't figure out what to do, how to answer all the questions that now occupied his mind, nevertheless, as he sat there on the couch with her, he knew he couldn't just do nothing. So, he slowly began to pull himself together, before his thoughts ran away with him, and forced most of his dark thoughts from his mind, reminding himself that it was his insecurity and overthinking again that was amplifying his worry. He also reminded himself that Penny was tired, he still needed to take care of her, and because of that her immediate requirement was sleep, which gave him something better to concentrate his mind on, her. "You know you are going to have to get up to go to bed."

"Uh-huh." she softly said, again not moving and not opening her eyes.

With Leonard's mind now being completely on her, his mood lightened and he found he couldn't help but suppress a chuckle as he continued to look down at her, she was like an angel laying against him, a calm peaceful expression on her face. He could have just watched her forever but she really did need to go to bed, so he quickly took stock in the situation and found the most logical solution, in one quick move taking off the blanket she had over her and pulled up to her neck for warmth. It seemed to do the trick as her eyes opened up and her arm went out looking for the blanket to pull back over her again, however that turned up to be futile as Leonard had put it behind the couch on the floor, way out of her reach.

"Hey!" she finally said after patting around herself looking for her source of cover and warmth.

"There are blankets on your bed." Leonard told her, again trying not to chuckle.

"You're mean." she said like a little girl, a pout prominent on her face.

"And you need to brush your teeth, put your pajamas on and use the bathroom before you go to bed." Leonard tried to sound serious to her, as he played along and treated her like a little girl, knowing he was having trouble trying to keep a straight face, his previous worries currently all forgotten as he now tried to take care of her.

"Alright." she finally said but then looked up at him with big eyes, "But you have to help me."

His first thought was to ask her if she could do it herself, it was like her mother was still there, her disapproving look immediately coming to mind, so he was reluctant to do anything that would be to her inappropriate. It took him a couple moments, but then he remembered they were alone and he thought how much he really did want to help her, being close to her always making him feel happy. "Okay, but you have to get up now." he tried to sound stern.

Leonard laid out her bed clothes on the bed, next to where she was sitting, then left the room until she told him she was changed. He had seen her naked just a year before and partially in the hospital but right now it seemed that it wouldn't be appropriate and that he would be taking advantage of her. In addition, her mother just leaving was still weighing heavily on his thoughts, the specter of the woman again seeming to control his mind. So, he didn't return till she was in her sleep gown, then he helped her to get her teeth brushed and before leaving again while she used the bathroom, finally getting her down in her room a little while after he first woke her up on the couch. However, it was then everything he had set in his mind to do for her seemed to change because after she sat down on the bed, she didn't let go of his hand, she just held it tight and looked up at him.

"Leonard will you sleep with me." She asked quietly, a hint of apprehension in her voice.

For a moment Leonard didn't know how to respond, they had laid together several times while her mother was there, but now it was something different, there was no one to judge them or even comment on what they did together. However, he strangely felt torn at her request, his indecision lasting a couple moments until he realized that he hadn't answered her question and she was waiting for his answer, "Okay" and a forced smile being his response to her request.

In his mind, Leonard actually thought that he would lay with her till she fell asleep, like a few times before, when she was in the hospital or when her mother was there, he would just lay with her and maybe fall asleep holding her. However, no sooner than he laid on the pillows, he propped up next to where she laid, she looked at him and spoke quietly to him again. "Leonard aren't you going to put your pajamas on when you sleep with me?"

Leonard swallowed as that strange feeling from earlier fell over him again, his mind at first quickly trying to find a way out of what was now happening, but then again he couldn't help but think that it actually made sense for them to sleep together, and he asked himself if he could really deny her request. They had known each other for a while now, they had kissed and made out, though awkwardly because of her broken leg, and they had far exceeded any time limit most couples used before sleeping together. Then why did it seem so strange to Leonard, like he was doing something wrong to actually sleep with her on purpose, and why did a feeling similar to guilt seem to overcome him as soon as she had made the request. He couldn't help thinking how similar it felt like a year ago again, that in some way again he could be taking advantage of her if he slept with her, all he had to do was look at her still healing leg to know she was still vulnerable as she laid in the bed. This began to confuse him, since although this time she was a lot better mentally than a year ago, he still couldn't shake the previous thoughts he had that girls like her, under normal situations, were never with guys like him and it was still that vulnerability that was driving her request. It all made it difficult for him to respond to her request, as he tried to quickly sort out what he should do, what action would be the best for her.

However, the solution came actually quickly since he still had this strong desire, like a year ago, to not upset her and provide any comfort she wanted, he had also promised Wyatt not to hurt her. The

n added to that were also his own feelings about holding her, he loved holding her, but even with all that he still needed to be sure, "You want me to sleep with you, like under the covers sleep with you?" He felt embarrassed as soon as the words left his mouth, they sounded so lame.

Even though he expected her to laugh, she just continued to look at him sincerely, taking his question extremely seriously. "I was uncomfortable asking you while my parents were here, especially my mother, but I really wanted you next to me at night since we came to your apartment. I hope it is not weird, but we agreed we are boyfriend and girlfriend so I just thought..." she didn't say another thing but just looked at him for an answer.

Leonard still couldn't shake the doubt in his mind but he wasn't going to deny her request either. "No, I understand, let me just get changed, okay."

A small smile formed on Penny's face, "Okay, but hurry up, you saw how fast I fell asleep on the couch and I don't want to do that now until I can feel you next to me." she then gave him a nervous giggle.

Leonard smiled back, "I promise, I'll hurry." he then got off the bed and grabbed a pair of pajamas from his dresser drawer before heading quickly to the bathroom to change.

Penny hadn't noticed the hesitance or doubt in Leonard, she was just happy he was going to sleep with her, really sleep with her. She had been hoping, since she had been in the hospital, that her and Leonard could be alone and work on a relationship together and now it seemed that it was actually happening and she couldn't be happier. She had really missed Leonard from the day he brought her back home, his kindness to her and the way he made her feel when he was with her, especially when he held her, was something she was not able to forget or even want to forget. Her time with the rodeo also confirmed something that had changed in her, the handsome and buff guys didn't do anything for her anymore, she was more concerned about how people were inside then the candy coating they projected of themselves to the outside world. It was the reason that the rodeo clowns became her friends and why Ted had become like an older brother to her, if not a second father figure, she now cherished who people really were and not what they attempted to play to be. Penny had been made to grow up quickly, Kurt and guys like him, looking so good to her when she was a couple years younger, masking their true intentions to her, but now she knew better and would never let that happen again. Leonard was who she wanted, she knew he was good inside and he made her feel happy; he was the kind of guy she knew she could spend her life with and never regret it and she just hoped that he would see and believe the same thing about her.

Leonard stood in front of the bathroom mirror, there was nothing more he needed to do to go back to Penny but still he couldn't make himself move. The bad thing was that he knew exactly why he was feeling this way, although when she was in the hospital, and the previous weeks she had been staying in his apartment, he couldn't think of anything else but them together. Now that it had happened, they were alone together, he couldn't shake the feeling of Deja vu, them being alone together, her being in his bed and wanting him to sleep with her reminding him too much of a year ago. This feeling was so strong that it also brought more of Gloria's words back to him about how needy Penny had become with him and how that kind of dependency could make someone think it was love. That of course made him think about maybe needing to talk to Gloria again because just like before he needed her help to find the right answer, to think with his head instead of his heart, and just like before he still couldn't help but think that he couldn't trust himself to do that with Penny. It was almost a relief to settle that in his own mind, after all his thoughts that night, he would talk to Gloria, and that conclusion made him feel that he could now move again, so with a little sigh he left the bathroom and headed to the bedroom. His decision to talk to Gloria also made him decide he would do same thing he did with Penny a year ago, comfort her and be with her, but not have sex with her, then discuss what was happening with Gloria and again do what she told him to do, even though the last time he listened to her it tore his heart out and made him a sorry mess.

Leonard walked into the bedroom only see a small smile form on Penny's face as her eyes captured his, her eyes making almost any resolve he had before walking in dissolve under her stare. No matter how he tried he couldn't help the feeling he had towards her and her wanting him in her bed only made him want to join her and hold her tight, no matter how much he was concerned just moments ago about his and hers mental situation. So, the only thing that made him continue to just get under the covers with her was that he had already convinced himself he could lay with her and just provide comfort, while still not letting their situation get out of control, he had done it a year ago and he felt he could do it now. He could continue to be that way with her, then he would talk to Gloria before he did anything more.

Penny just watched and smiled as Leonard got in bed then moved close to her, the feeling next of his arms encircling her making her smile become larger. She had been thinking, while he was gone, about the possibly of having sex with him, Leonard being the only man she had desired to have sex with since she had it with Kurt years ago when she thought she was in love with him. However, the gentle way Leonard took her into his arms, made the thoughts of sex drift away as Penny moved herself closer to Leonard and cuddled with him, that feeling of being cared for and protected immediately engulfing her, something only Leonard seemed capable of making her feel. It also only took a couple of moments for the feeling to completely relax her and with that, the exercise she got that day from being on the beach caught up to her, making her eyes feel heavy. She felt completely safe and loved in Leonard's arms, so sleep came quickly to her before she even knew it.

Leonard held her, he loved holding her, it made him feel like he was protecting her and he knew it was a comfort to her because she put herself closer to him and he could feel her relax. Penny falling almost immediately asleep also told him he had done the right thing that night, he had supplied her the comfort she had desired and managed not to do anything that took advantage of her, he also got what he wanted, to hold her and be with her. Yet, Leonard couldn't help the strong feeling again of doing this all before, the similarity of what was happening now and what happened a year ago was too strong to just be ignored and it made him feel bad that somehow again he was he was heading down the path of hurt. He found himself just lying there, unable to sleep as it went over and over through his mind until the only logical answer again repeated itself to him over and over again, like it had done before in the bathroom, he would seek Gloria's help. Gloria, like a year before, would tell him what to do because like he admitted to himself before, he could not trust himself to come up with the right answer, he was now too much in love with Penny to be giving her up, like he had done before.

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Penny actually woke up before Leonard the next morning, the stress of the night before and him lying awake till very late, making his fatigue overcome the biological clock inside him that always made him wake up earlier. Leonard still having her wrapped in his arms also made Penny wake up happy, the comforting feeling of being so close to him and knowing she had been in that same position all night, made her heart swell with love for the man who held her. Consequently, the good mood she woke up with could barely be kept contained as she moved herself up enough to kiss him.

Leonard's asleep mind assumed he was having a dream, the feeling of something soft moving against his lips being very pleasurable, and a small smile formed on his lips with the thought of that feeling. Leonard's small smile only encouraged Penny to continue her assault on him, her tongue now running along his lips seeking entrance and her kissing became more intense. The sensation again felt pleasant, to Leonard's now half-asleep, mind and as his smile increased a little more, he now felt Penny's tongue enter his mouth to seek his own, this sensation and feeling now more real than just a dream and being the catalyst that finally woke him up.

Leonard's eyes shot open, him first noticing the sleep tangled mane of blonde hair in his field of vision before he looked a little bit down to see Penny, with her eyes closed, her mouth against his as he now knew who was kissing him. It actually slightly freaked him out, because he did not know what was happening and his first thoughts were a continuation of his thoughts of the night before, his desire not to take advantage of Penny again taking front and center position in his mind. So, it was those thoughts, his freaking out slightly at what he woke up to, and Penny's unintentional restriction of airflow into his lungs by her kissing that caused the inevitable, Leonard had an asthma attack.

Leonard gasping for breath, scared Penny to death as she practically jumped back from him and for a moment and stared at him in utter shock and fear, the first thoughts in her mind being that she had caused what she was now seeing from him. It also made her panic, she had never seen him like this before, so helpless and in danger, and although she felt helpless, there inside her was a strong desire to help and protect the man she loved. So, after her moment of inaction, she now moved again close to him and while trying to control the tears sliding down her cheeks, "Leonard, what is happening, what can I do?" she begged of him loudly.

Leonard, knew what he needed to stop the attack, but the problem was that the item he needed was on the other side of the bed in the nightstand next to Penny. So, using as much concentration and strength as he could muster, he pointed to the other side of Penny and squeaked out only one word, "Inhaler."

Penny was confused, but was still extremely dedicated to helping him, so she turned to where he was pointing and saw only the nightstand with a lamp on top of it. This ended up only confusing her more as she turned back to him, "Leonard, I don't understand, please baby tell me what to do." she squeaked out, unable to contain her crying now as she talked.

Leonard again, tried to tell her, "Inhaler...drawer." he forced out, it getting now harder to breathe.

Penny turned again and saw it, the nightstand had a drawer, so she quickly slid over and yanked it open, suddenly understanding what he wanted when she saw the inhaler in the drawer. She grabbed it and swung around so she was facing him again, putting the inhaler right in front of his face, and with a voice cracking from concern and her tears, "Baby is this what you want?"

Leonard saw what she had and heard her question, both nodding and taking the object form her at the same time. It only took him then a second to put the inhaler to his mouth and press the release button, the soothing mist immediately starting to help him, the second shot of mist actually now counteracting his asthma attack. Leonard took a deep lung filling breath, then sighed as he exhaled, looking at Penny's shocked and tear stained face and finally nodding while he whispered to her, "Thank you."

Penny was shook-up, but seeing Leonard breathing normally again, was making her body slowly come back from its extremely agitated state. However, Penny was far from getting back to normal, she couldn't help to continue crying and she was still scared that in some way Leonard was going to be taken from her. It was because in that moment of panic, when he first suffered his attack, her mind had screamed at her that she could not lose Leonard, that her life would be over if she lost Leonard. It was those fears that still drove her as she now got out, "Leonard are you okay? We need to take you to the hospital immediately." between her tears while she tried to breath and talk at the same time, her voice gasping as she spoke.

It would take a moment or two for Leonard to recover and speak normally to her, but as that time passed, he watched as Penny's crying got worse, it something that was hard for him to watch. There was also the problem that he couldn't help but be reminded of how he had saw her act in a similar way a year ago when things got too much for her and that brought back the doubts again of the night before. So, when he was able to talk completely again, he did the only thing that had worked before, "Penny, I'm okay, it was just an asthma attack and I'm over it now. I don't need to go to the hospital, I'm fine now...Come here." Leonard then took her into his arms as she sobbed on his shoulder.

Once Penny was against him, her sobs quickly ended and she seemed to settle down, it made Leonard glad he could still comfort her this way but made him worry that she may be still a little damaged like she was a year ago. Thinking about a year ago again made him understand even more the need to talk to Gloria and that hurt his heart because if Gloria recommended, she go back home again, he didn't know if he could take it again after the time they had now together. Still, he knew he would do what Gloria told him because he only wanted the best for her and wanted to see her well, it was just the fear of what his life would feel like without her in it again was almost too much for him to think about.

Penny was thinking too as she rested against Leonard, she was thinking how much he meant to her and how scared she had gotten at the thought of losing him just moments ago. She still wished he would see a doctor but forced herself to believe him when he said it was okay and didn't need to go to the hospital, her trust it him actually alleviating some of her fears. All those thoughts were running through her mind now, but there was one thought that dominated them all, she loved Leonard and could no longer see her life without him in it. She had never felt so close to another human being as she felt with him and she knew that she would not be happy in her life without him. It made Penny think of things she never thought or dreamed of before, marriage, babies and life getting old with Leonard, they all seemed now like things she wanted, things she had never imagined before but knew she wanted to do with Leonard.