Midoriya let out a small yawn, and he flipped over, slowly opening his eyes. He sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, before he stretched. He scratched his neck, and turned around, looking down at the lavender haired boy who was still fast asleep.
The smaller boy reached out, gently poking Shinsou in the cheek, and the taller boy let out a groan, before reaching up to weakly swat his hand away, "It's too early, Zu..."
The smaller boy let out a small sigh, before he scooped Reiko and Ryuto up, and headed back to his room. He hastily got ready for lessons, and he sat down on his bean bag, gazing at the small bottle of medication that was still sitting on his desk, completely untouched.
By this point, both Reiko and Ryuto had woken up. The feline was sitting right next to him, gazing at him, then at the medication, then back at him, while Ryuto was busy preening.
Midoriya took a deep breath, before he stood up resolutely, picking up the medication and putting it in his pocket. He grabbed his school bag, tidied up his uniform, before he made his way downstairs.
By the time he made it to the kitchen to find some instant noodles for breakfast, he found Iida munching on some ham and cheese toast.
"Good morning, Izuku! You're up early!" Iida smiled at him, taking another bite out of his toast.
Midoriya just nodded slowly, replying, "Good... morning..."
The bespectacled boy went back to finishing his sandwich while Midoriya rummaged through the cupboard for his instant noodles, and by the time the greenette had found what he wanted and was starting to boil some hot water, they heard someone trudge down the stairs.
Shinsou slunk into the kitchen, and sank down at the table, resting his cheek against the wood. Midoriya glanced at the taller boy, concerned, before he carefully maneuvered a cup into the coffee machine.
He didn't know how to make coffee, but what he did know was how to operate a coffee machine, and he knew that Shinsou usually drank in the morning.
Iida hesitantly stuck a foot out, and gently nudged his leg.
"Morning..." Shinsou tiredly slurred out, before leaning back into his chair, sighing heavily.
"Bad sleep?" Iida asked, concerned, but Shinsou shook his head.
"Nah. Great sleep. I just... you know... I just want to sleep." Shinsou replied, "Why can't we just spend the morning sleeping and have school at night instead?"
"You know we can't do that." Iida berated, "I know that school is a bit early, especially given how many scientific studies have stated that a slightly later time would be more beneficial for studying at our age, but still, creating good habits, like waking up early, is still good!"
Midoriya carefully picked up the cup of steaming hot coffee, and gently placed it in front of Shinsou, before moving off to make his instant noodles.
Shinsou blinked, surprised at the coffee, before he looked up at Midoriya, then at the coffee, "Thanks, Zuku."
"It's still hot." Midoriya muttered, slipping into the chair next to Shinsou's, before he started pulling the noodles out of the soup in an attempt to make them cool faster.
The smaller boy slowly finished up his noodles as Shinsou fixed himself some toast, and Iida left the table to wake the rest of the class up.
Midoriya let out a small, content sigh as he finished his breakfast, and he poured the soup down the drain before tossing the empty container into the trash can, before he poured himself a glass of water.
Settling down back in his chair, Midoriya fished the bottle of medication out of his pocket, and popped a tablet in his mouth, using the water to help him swallow it: that advice from Yaoyorozu was really helpful, and Shuzenji had made it very clear to not chew the tablet.
Midoriya placed the cup down. He didn't feel any different, but he knew that it would take some time for the effects of the medication to kick it. Whether those effects were positive or negative... he could only wait and see.
Midoriya just lowered his head, gazing blankly at the worksheet that they had been given. He knew that he was supposed to be listening to Ectoplasm for their mathematics lessons, but he really couldn't bring himself to pay attention to the lesson.
When the lessons for the day had started, Midoriya had initially thought that he felt okay, but as minutes ticked by, Midoriya felt the worst, most unsettling feeling bubble up from his gut. It was familiar, all the fear, anxiety that he had bottled up, all the negative thoughts swirling around at the back of his mind, he knew them all.
And yet, and intensity of it all... it was just so painful, being swallowed up by all the thoughts and feelings that he thought he had already dealt with.
Midoriya just shuddered, and closed his eyes for a second to sort out his thoughts. It was fine. He knew this feeling, he knew it so well... but now, they just felt so overwhelming, threatening to take him over and suffocate him. He hated feeling like this.
He looked up, trying to see if he could forcibly distract himself with whatever Ectoplasm was writing on the blackboard, only to notice that Shinsou was sneaking glances at him from his seat that was a row in front of Midoriya's.
Shinsou glanced at Ectoplasm, then back at Midoriya, before he signed, "You okay?"
Midoriya just gazed at him gloomily, and shook his head slowly. Glancing around to make sure that Ectoplasm didn't catch him, Shinsou signed back, "Need to talk to Recovery Girl or Hound Dog?"
The greenette instantly shook his head.
He shouldn't have to disrupt Ectoplasm's lesson. It was just Mathematics. He knew this subject well. And it wasn't Ectoplasm's fault that he was broken and had mental issues.
Surely he could at least try to get through this lesson properly without seeming like an attention-seeking freak?
Shinsou paused, and finished, "Talk later?"
Midoriya let out a small sigh, before resting his head back on the table, gazing out of the window. He just wasn't in the mood to do anything, especially with how his old, inner thoughts were screaming how useless he was, how he didn't deserve to be alive, how everything wrong that occurred was his fault.
He clenched his fists tightly. He could focus on one thing at a time, couldn't he?
Ectoplasm gazed at Midoriya, before turning to call on another student. He was about to ask the small boy to answer a question, but he felt that it would be a bad time to do that. Midoriya was shaking lightly, and it was clear that something was off about the poor boy.
He wasn't sure what it was, but he just hoped that Midoriya would be alright. He didn't like seeing his students getting upset.
Ectoplasm finally set the class to finish some classwork, and used that opportunity to walk over to Midoriya's table. Unlike the others, who had already started to scribbled down equations onto their worksheets, Midoriya wasn't doing anything. He just stared into space, his hands clenched tightly, his entire body shaking slightly.
He didn't seem to have even heard his last set of instructions.
Ectoplasm gently reached down, patting Midoriya on the shoulder, trying to draw as little attention to the small boy as possible. However, much to his surprise, the greenette flinched so harshly that it shook his hand off, and Midoriya instantly, turning his dull, green eyes towards him.
As much as he hated to say it, Ectoplasm had gotten used to the empty, glassy look in Midoriya's eyes. The boy had a tendency to hide his emotions, making him really hard to read and predict, almost like a mannequin, a blank slate.
But now, in those emerald orbs, Ectoplasm could see so much more.
Fear, anxiety, every negative emotion bubbling up inside the poor boy, his eyes so full of emotion, and so much pain.
"Are you alright?" Ectoplasm softly asked, trying to be gentle with Midoriya, but the second he opened his mouth, the greenette flinched again, bumping into the table and accidentally knocking his pencil to the ground.
Ectoplasm bent down, picking up the pencil, before he looked back at Midoriya, and noticing that out of the corner of his eyes, Shinsou was subtly watching every single movement he made. The Mathematics teacher placed Midoriya's pencil back on his desk, "Just take it easy, alright? You can take a break if you need to."
Midoriya visibly tensed up, nodding stiffly, his robotic movements contrasted by the shaking of his entire being, and Ectoplasm just gestured down at the paper, "I've assigned the class to do some Math questions, do it at your own pace."
With that, Ectoplasm went back up to the teacher's table at the front of the classroom, and settled down. He'd just keep an eye on Midoriya for now.
Uraraka yawned, and stretched, "Ah! Finally, it's lunch! I'm starving!"
"Well, if you would have woken up when I told you to, you could have eaten more for breakfast!" Iida countered, and the brunette just pouted back at him, "But I wasn't so hungry in the morning!"
Koda nodded mutely, and Todoroki spoke up, "You could have packed a sandwich to eat in class."
"We're not allowed to eat during lessons! You're supposed to concentrate during class time!" Iida groaned, "You'd probably get detention if you ate while a teacher was teaching!"
"Anyways, let's just get something to eat." Uraraka grinned, "Izuku, we're going to go to the cafeteria!"
She got no response, and she turned around to face the smaller boy, "Izuku?"
Midoriya just sat there, resting his head against his arms, and Uraraka gently walked over to his side. She noticed how much he was shaking, and maneuvered around so that she was standing in front of his table, before leaning down slightly, "Izuku?"
That seemed to get Midoriya's attention, and the boy turned slightly, gazing up at her blankly, as if he had no idea what was going on, staring back at her with a blank, empty, tired gaze.
"Are you okay?" She softly asked.
Midoriya blinked, as if slowly processing the question, before slowly nodding.
"We're going to the cafeteria for lunch." Uraraka gently stated, "Do you want to come with us?"
The smaller boy nodded vigorously, before he slipped out of his chair, as Uraraka went back to Koda, Iida, and Todoroki, though his reaction seemed a little... off to her. His reaction was too... eager.
No. Eager was the wrong word.
Desperation.
"Is he okay?" Todoroki asked, "He seemed out of it all day."
"He seemed alright in the morning." Iida admitted, sneaking a glance towards the boy as he tidied up his table, "But you know how Izuku is... he won't say anything unless it concerns other people. But at least he's going to come with us to the cafeteria, and we can keep an eye on him."
"So, I was kinda thinking." Ashido looked up, as she started chewing, "If you could get a new quirk, or just try it out, what kind of quirk would you want? Cause I'd definitely want to see how it is being invisible! Or, you know, with Yaomomo's ability to make anything!"
Midoriya instantly froze up at the question, as everybody started chiming in with their answers.
"I want Iida's quirk! I wanna go NYOOM!" Kaminari excitedly replied, and Sero grinned, "I'd definitely want to try Yaoyorozu's quirk too! I wonder if I can use it to mimic my own! Then it's like having two quirks!"
"Well, I can probably make tape from my elbows, but I won't be able to shoot them out with power like yours." Yaoyorozu replied.
"I also want Yaomomo's quirk because I can use it to make -" Mineta was instantly silenced by Asui, who just smacked him in the face, "Don't be so crude and disgusting, kero. And I don't think Yaomomo gave you permission to use that nickname."
Midoriya tried his best to stop his body from trembling. He was scared, anxiety pooling in his core, bubbling up from the depths of his very being.
"Zuku? Are you alright?" Shinsou gently reached out for Midoriya's arm, noticing how badly the boy was shaking as he clutched his head, how much he was trying to curl in on himself and make himself appear to be as small as possible.
What are you scared of?
He didn't know what he was scared of.
Me? Or yourself?
He rested his arms against the table.
The sounds all around him, the laughter, the loud chattering, the clinging and clanging of metal utensils against each other, or against ceramic plates; they were slowly getting muffled, as if he were listening to them through the veil of a nightmare. He couldn't hear what his friends were saying, they were all getting drowned out.
All he could make out was the pounding of his heart, a heavy beat that was only his to hear.
No one will ever love you, Deku. Don't even bother trying. You know you're never going to be good enough, with you being like this.
Shut up. I made it this far.
Because you got lucky. Because you had a quirk, and you didn't die. The only reason you even survived is because you had a quirk. Just because you don't want to acknowledge it doesn't mean that it didn't happen, Deku.
I worked hard. I spent my entire life training, learning, doing everything I could to succeed. I tried so hard to make it here.
And it would all be useless if you died. Despite everything you think, you can't make it in this world without a quirk. You would have never succeeded without a quirk. So stop being delusional in thinking that you can do anything by being a useless Deku.
Just face the facts, Deku. You needed a quirk to succeed, and you know that. You wouldn't have made it if it weren't for me. Some part of you wants to believe that you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it, but that's all just a farce. You know how strong quirks are, how useful they can be.
And some part of you wished you were born with a quirk instead of being quirkless.
"Shut up."
Shinsou froze as the two words escaped from Midoriya's mouth, stunned, and that reaction caught the attention of everyone at the table.
And you did have a quirk. A quirk that didn't manifest until it was too late.
"Shut up." Midoriya repeated, slightly louder this time, breathing heavily as blood roared in his ears, his heart pounding so quickly that he could barely make out his own thoughts, though the voice rang out inside his head, echoing about so loudly it was as if his head was empty.
"Zuku? Can you hear me?" Shinsou turned in his chair, grabbing onto Midoriya's wrists as he tried to get his boyfriend to face him instead of being swallowed whole and getting dragged down by his own negative thoughts and feelings into the dark, inky, unfeeling abyss of his mind.
You know that your parents wouldn't have died if you had a quirk.
"Shut up!" Midoriya shook his head wildly, the sudden change in position causing him to tumble off his chair onto the floor, snapping him back to reality.
He looked up, and everything was clear.
Too clear.
He could hear the eerie silence that had fallen over the cafeteria, he could see all the worried, stunned looks that his classmates were giving him.
He messed up. He let his feelings get in the way of everything. He let his emotions cloud his head, and he just ruined the fun atmosphere created by what was just supposed to be a fun, thought provoking question by Ashido.
His heart rate quickened, and Midoriya did his best to try and control himself just this one time.
He tried to collect his thoughts.
He tried to calm himself down.
But he couldn't even block out the voices echoing about inside his head, a cacophony of shouting and screaming, the words grating and scraping against his mind, clawing about, leaving deep gorges on his heart where they hurt the most.
That his entire existence was just a mistake.
That he didn't deserve to be alive.
That every single tragedy that befell him was all his fault.
That he had no reason to even try anymore.
"Izuku. Look at me." Shinsou knelt down in front of the boy, gently cupping Midoriya's cheek as he tried to guide his gaze towards him, "Focus on me. Don't listen to whatever they're saying, okay?"
Because there was no point in trying; no matter what he did, he would just fail.
"But they're right." Midoriya weakly croaked out, tears forming at the corners of his eyes as his heart throbbed with each piercing word, "I'm useless. I'm just a mistake. I can't do anything right. I -"
Shinsou just shook Midoriya a little harder, "That isn't true. The medication is just amplifying everything, okay? We just got unlucky and this one isn't compatible with you. So just try to block it out for the time being, and we'll go see Recovery Girl."
Midoriya shook his head vehemently, curling in on himself, more tears running down his cheeks with his useless attempts at trying to stem the tears; the harder he tried to control himself, the more he lost control over his own feelings and emotions.
"No... she shouldn't waste her time on someone like me... I'm enough of a failure and a burden, I don't need to drag you all down with me..." The smaller boy sniffled, rubbing his face furiously in a failed attempt to stop crying.
The lavender haired boy shifted closer to Midoriya, before he yanked the boy towards him, tightly enveloping him in a hug, "You're not dragging anyone down. You're not a burden to anyone, alright?"
Midoriya gripped onto Shinsou's uniform tightly, pressing his face against the fabric, trembling uncontrollably.
"I should just go jump off another building again. Maybe I'll really die this time."
Shinsou's widened as he processed Midoriya's statement, before he tightened his hug around the smaller boy. He could feel Midoriya's heartbeat, and he gently ran his fingers through Midoriya's hair, doing his best to try and calm the greenette down.
He gently rubbed Midoriya's back, "You're the only reason why I'm even here today. Even if you don't believe in yourself, you still trust me, right?"
Shinsou could feel the boy noddingly slightly, more tears falling to the point where he was just crying silently against his chest.
"Then trust me when I say this. If it weren't for you that day, seven years ago... I might not even be alive today, let alone attending the Hero Course here in UA." Shinsou softly murmured to the smaller, shaking boy, "You're not useless, alright? So please... stop thinking so lowly of yourself."
Shinsou could hear the boy sniffling, as he clutched his shirt tightly, desperate for any kind of support, and asked, "I'll bring you to Recovery Girl right now, alright?"
The smaller boy nodded weakly, and Shinsou gently picked Midoriya up, feeling his body heave as he tried to breathe properly through his tears, and turned to Iida, "Tenya, if I don't get back to class on time, tell Aizawa-sensei for me where I am, please?"
Iida nodded gravely, "Got it. Do you need any help?"
"Not really." Shinsou blankly stated, "I'll text you if I need anything."
With that, the lavender haired boy made his way out of the cafeteria, and the crowd of students just stared at them as they left, before looking back at the 1-A table, who were equally stunned and stupefied.
Iida just looked at the other students, "What are you looking at?! Go back and finish your meals before lessons start! It's not good to waste food, and studying on an empty stomach is not ideal! There's nothing to see here!"
