Chapter 174
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Flashback
Laetitia was in the Command Center of the Scipio Base. She was monitoring the changes in the Empire. She wanted to know if they had to evacuate for the Echo Base immediately or not.
She looked up when she saw Thexan enter. Last night ... The conversation was tense. They had just gotten engaged, and he made her promise to leave him behind. He was basically asking her to kill him.
She didn't know how she would ever live without him. She wouldn't die of a broken heart, like her mom, but ... she would lose her will to live. She would be alive, but she wouldn't be living.
Thexan sighed when he saw the mixed feelings Leah was feeling. It was basically written on her face. He walked to her, and before she could do anything, he dragged her to her room.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Are you alright?" He asked back.
"I know what I said upset you, but ..."
"Thexan, I get it. Trust me, I do." She cut him off as she sighed in frustration and sadness.
"Can we not talk about it? I already have a lot on my mind. I really don't want us to fight about a hypothetical situation in which you might die."
"I just ... I don't want to leave you alone." He suddenly cried out in sadness.
"That's the only thing that I'm afraid of if I die. Not what happens to me, but what happens to ..." He trailed off because he couldn't bring himself to say it.
"Me." Leah finished his sentence for him.
"Yeah ... I don't wanna break my promise to you. I don't ever want to leave you." He admitted with tears in his eyes.
"But if anything happens to me ... I don't want it to be just ... you. That loneliness can drive you crazier than anything else. The silence when you're sleeping alone ..."
Leah exhaled deeply. To be honest, that was exactly what she was afraid of ... She was scared of ending up alone. One of the reasons she avoided Thexan for so long was because she knew that one day she would lose him.
And she didn't want to go through that.
"Well, who knows? Maybe by the time you die, I won't be ... I mean, I think our kids would be pretty cute." She softly said as she smiled in mild embarrassment.
Thexan raised his eyebrow. He knew that one day, they would have kids, but ... he thought he would have to talk to Laetitia a lot and prepare her for the possibility. He didn't know if she ever wanted children ... Not with the life she'd gone through.
"Huh. So you're there?"
"Well, we are getting married. So it's only crazy if I don't ..." She stated, but she paused to actually think about it.
"Not that I have any idea how I would live as a mother. I mean, have you met me? My life is crazy and ..."
"You'll be the best mother in the Galaxy. You'll see." Thexan promised her. He already knew that in his heart.
"Well, I don't think it's gonna happen just yet, but ... you'll be there for me. We'll be there for each other ... Right?" She asked, which was more like a plea.
"Right ... But even if anything happens to me, you'll be okay." He softly said.
"If there is a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward ... Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse. You are the worse ... And you make sure that we'll survive, too." He stated in awe.
"But that is only because we have you by our side ... The 3 years without you proved to everyone how much we need you."
Leah just exhaled shakily. She couldn't help it. She knew he was right, but ... she didn't want to prove that. She had been through enough. She couldn't lose him ... She just couldn't.
"You say you're all angry and dark when you're feeling sad. But that's not a weakness ... That's your strength ... I hope you will never have to know that pain, but if you ever do ... I know you'll be okay ... one way or another." He promised her.
End of flashback
...
Laetitia sighed in sadness as she sat down on her bed. She remembered the only time she ever talked about having kids.
And now, here she was ... Actually having one.
But when she talked about it with Thexan, she was just talking about it. She didn't actually mean it. What the hell did she know of being a mother? Her own mother was the best ... but she died when she was only 5.
And what life would the kid even have? Its grandfathers both are the enemies she needed to kill. They killed its father, and would want to kill it as soon as they knew it even existed.
She mentally slapped herself in the forehead. She was already a bad mother. What kind of a mother would call her own child 'it'?
"We are sleeping!" A voice suddenly shouted.
Leah jumped up, grabbed her lightsaber and turned around to attack. Ahsoka just shrieked in surprise.
"Leah!"
Leah immediately dropped her lightsaber. She didn't even hear her come in.
"Sorry!"
"What were you thinking about?" Ahsoka asked as she panted.
"Uh ..." Leah numbly thought. She didn't even know how to form sentences.
"I love sleep. I don't know why you hate sleep so much." Ahsoka said to change the mood.
She frowned when she thought about what she said. She knew exactly why Leah hated sleep. Nightmares! What kind of a best friend was she that she forgot that?!
"Uh ..." She tried to think of words to correct her mistake.
"It's not that. I mean, it is that, but ... if I had slept and played around like others, I wouldn't be who I am today. Even when I was in the Jedi Temple, I only slept 10 hours a week." Leah said.
"And now?"
"I don't know." She simply said.
She had no idea. For more than 10 years, she used to have nightmares of Anakin burning alive on Mustafar. After she was resurrected, she didn't see anything. Just oblivion and silence, which was worse. But now ...
Ever since Thexan died, Leah was unable to sleep ... at all. She could close her eyes for only 10 minutes. After that, she would just wake up. Not from nightmares or pain, but ... she just couldn't sleep. Her body and brain weren't letting her.
"I told Lux. Tonight, I'm gonna be your sleeping partner." Ahsoka said happily.
"I know that sounded weird, but I'm still staying with you." She mused to herself, hoping for the old Laetitia to appear. But she didn't.
"We'll lock the doors and have one of those slumber parties we had when we were kids in the Jedi Temple. Gossiping about everything and everyone ..." She trailed off as she remembered.
They used to do this every night in the Jedi Temple. They would sneak out, gossip, fight ... But now, everything was different.
Leah just turned away from her, after giving her a glare. She didn't need a babysitter.
"Don't give me that look. It's not just for you. It's mostly for me. I need it more than you do. You were always good at holding yourself together."
"Not so sure that's a good thing." Leah bitterly muttered.
"I know." Ahsoka agreed with her.
"Anyway, the first thing we're discussing is Rex. I mean, have you noticed how old he's gotten?" Ahsoka chuckled.
"I'm pregnant." Leah bluntly said to get it over with. But Ahsoka didn't hear her.
"I know! I mean, he definitely looks like our grandpa ..." She stopped when she went back to hear what she just heard.
"Wait, what?" Ahsoka asked to make sure she heard right.
Laetitia turned around with tears in her eyes. She just opened her mouth to say something, but she just didn't know what to do.
"Yeah. I'm just … there." She chuckled with confused tears in her eyes.
Ahsoka didn't know what to say or do. While she was happy for her friend, she also knew how unimaginably hard her life was gonna be. But she didn't tell her that because she knew the first words she said would affect Leah.
She knew she needed Thexan with her now more than ever, but ... he was gone.
"That's so great! Are you kidding me?" She stated in happiness.
"I hope I was."
"Come on, Tiny Ti! You're so good with Mina. I don't wanna admit it, but even better than I am. You'll be a great mother." Ahsoka promised her.
Leah shook her head while wiping the tears off her face.
"That's not what I'm worried about ... There is one thing that will never disappear." She started.
Ahsoka knew very well what she was talking about. That child may be the most powerful Force-sensitive in the history of Force-sensitives. She, or he, had the Chosen One and the most powerful Sith Lord as grandfathers. A Skywalker mother and a Palpatine father.
The amount of power they would possess was ... terrifying!
"Palpatine ... His life, the life he's making me live through ... It's filled with violence ... anger, hatred … death. How am I supposed to bring a child, his grandchild, into his world? My world." Leah asked in fear.
"Not just your world. Ours. Whatever decision you make, whatever that happens, we've got your back." Ahsoka strongly said.
Leah scoffed as she turned away from her.
"I don't even know why I told you. I knew you'd be like this."
"Like what?"
"What you always are. Annoyingly positive!"
"You don't want to be positive?"
"I don't want you to be naive!" She snapped.
"My life is no place for a child. I mean, what do I know the first thing about being a mother? My own mother is dead. My father is the most hated man in the Galaxy. My husband is dead. My brother-in-law is missing, and that's good because when I find him, I will rip him to pieces for killing his brother, leaving me a widow on my wedding day and turning my child into an orphan ..." She trailed off as she finally broke down.
She suddenly lost her energy as she fell down and just cried. Ahsoka knew better and just sat down with her. She needed to let it all out.
"I don't have anything in the world." Leah cried out.
She knew that wasn't 100% accurate, but that's how she felt. The people she wanted weren't there for her. While she appreciated having Luke, Han, Ahsoka and everyone else, she still felt ... alone ... because her mo, dad and Thexan weren't with her.
Ahsoka smiled sadly as a tear fell off her cheek. She put her hand on Leah's shoulder to comfort her.
"You have us."
"Well, I know that, idiot." Leah whined, pointing out the obvious.
Now, Ahsoka laughed softly. There she was again ... Who knew? Maybe this child would bring Laetitia back or finally make her happy.
Done :)
