Chapter 175
Laetitia was lying down on her bed, trying to relax. So far, the only people that knew about her pregnancy were Ahsoka, Lux, Han, Chewie, Rex, Luke and Mon Mothma. Basically her family.
They were the only people she trusted with that kind of secret. And it had to stay that way. If Darth Sidious and Darth Vader, or even Arcann, found out that Leah was carrying Thexan's child, possibly the most powerful Force-sensitive in the history ... They would want her or him. They wanted their power.
So she did the only thing she could do. She decided to hide her pregnancy, and make a final decision when the baby was born. She had seen what Padme had gone through when she hid her second pregnancy from the Jedi Council, so she had a bit of tricks. After all, she learned from the best.
She could no longer wear the robe Anakin had made for her, since it was sort of tight and body revealing. So she just wore loose black clothes, or anything that helped her hide her growing belly. She was only showing a little bit, since she just entered her 4th month, but ... she couldn't wear her normal clothes anymore.
She didn't even want to risk it. She wanted to protect her baby, Thexan's baby ... no matter what.
"Hello?" A voice brought her out of her thoughts.
Leah looked up and tried to see who it was without getting up. It was Qui-gon. They hadn't spoken to each other in a long time.
"Nice! You're finally learning not to give me a heart attack." She smirked.
Qui-gon couldn't help but smile with her. It was the first time he hadn't scared her in ... well, since they knew each other.
"Well, I didn't want to scare you and the baby." He simply said.
Leah's smile disappeared as she sighed. The baby ... Just saying it out loud made it more real and scary. She had no idea how to feel about that.
"How are you, Laetitia? I've tried to give you space and ask you that question for as little as I could have." He started.
"I know. Thank you for that." She honestly said.
She knew he had something to do with Ahsoka and the others not bothering her when she was grieving. Well, as long as that lasted. But she was still grateful for that. If they pushed her to be okay right after Thexan died, she might have turned to the dark side and snapped.
"I'm fine."
"You're fine?" Qui-gon repeated as he rose his eyebrow.
"I mean ... Look, I'm working through it." She argued.
"So you're not hurt? It does not hurt when you think of him or miss him?" He pushed.
"I'm managing."
Her Master pressed his lips together and just looked at her. Leah scoffed as she turned away from him.
"Don't give me that look."
"What look?"
"The one that says 'you are definitely high on hormones and in denial'." She sarcastically said in frustration.
"Did my look say all that?" He joked.
"I am managing it. I've dealt with a lot of death and heartbreak in my life." She stated quietly as she looked down.
"Yes, you have. Your mother, your father, your step-father, your Masters, your friends, your Battalion, your ..." He named all of them when Leah cut him off.
"Seriously?"
"I am only asking if you are actually alright already. I know that you've been going back and forth to your normal self ever since you've found out about the miracle you're carrying. I would like to know ... how you're feeling." He pleaded, which caused Leah to sigh deeply.
"I just ... feel like I know how to deal with death now, and it doesn't affect me as it once did. We both saw that coming, and ... I have to stay strong for my child. I still haven't lost everything."
"Leah, I am so glad to hear you say that ... But grief is a complex emotion that, as you've experienced, deals on its own term. There is no 'experience' or 'practice makes it perfect' for grief." Qui-gon told her.
"I know you're worried about me ... But I'm honestly feeling alright ... Better." She said as she forced a smile on her face.
"And would you still feel that way when you encounter Arcann?" He bluntly asked.
Leah was filled with anger at the mention of his name. Arcann took everything from him. She would not want to even think what she wanted to do to him.
"Why is his name even brought up right now?" She snapped.
"Leah, look. I understand what it is like to lose a loved one."
"Really? You do?" She challenged.
Qui-gon lived his whole life as a Jedi. He only learned the ways of the Gray Jedi and became one of them after he died. How would he have lost a loved one or a lover?
"Yes, I do ... Her name was Tahl." He slowly said.
Leah blinked in surprise. She just asked to bluff him. She had no idea that he actually had someone. Now, she sort of ... regretted it.
"What?"
"Yes ... She was a Jedi Master and a Librarian in the Jedi Archive ... She was my best friend ... The love of my life." He sadly said.
"She was betrayed when rescuing one of her friends. Obi-wan and I finally found her, but ... it was too late. The injuries were ..." He trailed off as he remembered.
Leah didn't say anything and just looked down. She knew what he was feeling. That was the reason why she wasn't doing anything. Because people in that situation would want to be alone and just have a minute to pull themselves together.
"I was on the edge of the dark side when she died in my arms. I tracked down the people responsible. I was very close to killing them, but ... something stopped me. Tahl stopped me." He quietly said.
"But ..." Leah trailed off in confusion.
"I did not need her physically by my side to know what she wanted me to do. I knew that I could still love her by respecting what she would want me to do." He said and paused to give Leah a minute.
She just took a deep breath to pull herself together. That was ... impressive. And a really hard thing to do. She knew she still loved Thexan, even when he was dead, but ... it was different.
"Well, that will do nothing for me. Nothing will stop me from killing that monster." She strongly stated.
"Thexan will be the one who will stop you just as you are about to kill Arcann. You'll see." He promised.
Leah just watched as Qui-gon disappeared into nothingness. He faded away before she could say anything.
Laetitia was lying down on her bed, thinking about what her Master, Qui-gon, told her. Was he really right? Could something, anything, stop her from murdering Arcann in cold blood?
"You alright?" A voice asked her in concern.
Leah looked up quickly and saw Han leaning against the wall. He looked really worried. She didn't even realize she was crying in anger and sadness.
"Yeah." Leah said as she winced, trying to get up.
"Let me help."
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, now! You're gonna be as big as a Bantha in 2 weeks. What are you gonna do then?" Han stated.
"So sweet of you to care." She shot back.
Once, Han helped her get up, she pushed him away and took a deep breath. She wasn't an invalid. She didn't want to be treated like one, no matter her situation.
"Have you thought about it?" He suddenly asked.
"Hmm? Thought about what?"
"Names, sister! Seriously? It's not my kid, but I've already ruled out a few names."
Leah just pressed her lips together. Names ... She never even gave it a minute to think about that. She honestly didn't care. And she didn't think someone with the name 'Laetitia' should be able to name anyone. Her name was the hardest name in the Galaxy.
And the most ironic one, considering its meaning ... Smile and happiness.
"So? What are you gonna name the littlest Skywalker?" Han repeated himself.
"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."
"Well, let's think about it now. What names do you have in mind if it's a boy?" He pushed, which caused Leah to sigh.
"Um … 'Anakin' ... maybe? I don't know." She shrugged him off.
'Anakin' was the only name she wanted her baby boy to have. But she also wasn't sure about that. What if her poor boy turned out to be like his grandfather? Both of them, any of them? What would she do then?
"That's a good way to honor your father. What don't you know that makes you unsure of giving him the name?" He asked, understanding where she came from.
"The things I do know are the reason that make unsure." She bitterly chuckled.
"I'm afraid that if I give him that name … he'll suffer just like he did, or make him carry a heavy burden by carrying his name." She quietly said, looking down.
Han shook his head. He knew exactly why she was feeling that way ... and she had every right to be afraid.
"If he's anything like his bad-ass parents, he'll be strong enough to carry that burden." He stated.
Leah smiled for his effort. He had been really helpful the last couple of weeks. She didn't know how she would have gotten through them without him.
"But I don't want him to have to … Anyway, I have a feeling it's a girl." She said to change the subject.
Han rose his eyebrow and laughed. That was ... better. But it was also funny to see the child of Laetitia Skywalker.
"Oh!" Leah suddenly winced in pain.
"What? What is it? My niece okay?" Han asked worriedly. He had no idea what pregnancy stages were.
"Yeah. She just ... moved." Leah smiled.
"What?" He asked softly in awe.
"She's kicking. Or he. Whatever."
"Can I ...?" He slowly asked.
Leah smiled as she grabbed his hand. She softly put it on her belly as he waited to feel something. He just smiled happily. Leah had never seen him smile like that. He was ... truly happy to feel the baby's movement.
"Oh, wow. That is definitely the most beautiful thing I've felt in my life." He whispered in amazement.
Leah was smiling with him when she suddenly started crying. She closed her eyes as she sobbed quietly. Han turned to her, his smile disappearing. What the hell happened in 2 seconds?! He had no idea ...
"Hey, what's wrong? Is it the hormones? You having an emotional breakdown?" He asked.
"I just ... feel so alone." Leah cried out.
"Which is crazy, because I've literally got this another human inside me. And I just ..."
"Okay. That is definitely the hormone talking." He muttered, loud enough for her to hear.
"Shut up, Flyboy!" She shouted as she hit him in the shoulder.
"Ow! She's coming back." He sarcastically said as he rubbed his shoulder.
"Want a hug?" He asked when he saw her tears.
"No." She stiffened.
"How about a drink?" He playfully asked, which caused Leah to laugh while crying. That was exactly how she was feeling.
"Give it to me."
"Sorry, but I'm not risking my niece's health on my stupid offer."
Leah smiled as she laid back to rest. He was being ... unusually helpful. That was good, but ... she didn't know how to trust that feeling. When things were getting good, not that they were ... they tended to get extremely bad right after it.
"You know what I just realized?" She suddenly asked.
"Hmm?"
"I'm right back where I started when I first joined your crew 10 years ago ... No self-confidence, no peace, the fear of myself and my powers, the trauma I have nightmares every time I close my eyes, the loneliness I feel even when I'm surrounded by the people I love ... I'm left with nothing." She chuckled wryly as she wiped the tears off her face.
"Hey! you still got me." Han defensively said.
"Yeah, but I got you before."
"And you still got me." He reassured her.
Leah just smiled. Out of everyone in her family, Han was the only one she was always comfortable with. He was her brother. He respected her decisions, even when he disagreed with them, and didn't leave her alone.
He was the only one who would love her ... no matter what.
"Look, I know it's not the same, but ... we're here for you. Our brother, the Grandpa, Mama Ewok, the Ewok, your Ball. Everyone." Han softly told her, which caused her to smile warmly.
"I know ... And I know that I haven't always made it easy for you guys, or given you any reason to stay here with me." Leah said.
Han joined the Rebellion 6 years when he and Laetitia rescued Luke on Death Star. He decided to stay there to be with her. And she appreciated that very much. He was practically the only one who had never left her.
"Hey ... You can be the reason." He quietly said.
"Aw!" Leah cooed to break the awkward ice.
"Yep! She is definitely back!" Han cooed back to mimic her.
They both joined each other in laughter. She completely forgot about how sad she was feeling just a minute ago.
Han and Laetitia were lying down on her bed. She was resting her head on his arm as they closed their eyes to be relaxed for a very small moment.
"I don't know if I should tell you this now, or just wait until you're definitely not hormonal." Han suddenly said as he looked away.
Leah got up and turned to him seriously. What did he do now?
"What?"
"Um ..."
"Spit it out!" She snapped at him.
"Qi'ra is back!" Han shouted back to get it over with.
Done :)
Yes! This was chapter 175. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Don't forget to review and tell me what you thought about it :D
And yes. I brought Qi'ra back into the story. I thought it'd be more interesting to have her back with Laetitia and Han. The last time we saw her was when she tried to hold Leah hostage on Maul's orders. How that ended for her! Anyway, if you guys don't remember what happened, because I know it was a very long time ago, I think around chapter 113 is the right place to re-read :)
By the way, what did you guys think of Han / Laetitia moment? I tried to make it as emotional and yet cute as I could :P
