hey guys, just a slight trigger waning for characters mentioning that they wanted to die in the past. It doesn't go into any detail, but thought I would put it out there just in case, stay safe. 3
*Violet's POV*
I didn't like the idea of sitting on the ground where Laxus could so easily over power me. Logic said he wasn't going to try anything funny, but years of instinct still put my body on high alert. This must have been his plan all along, to talk to both me and August. Though I didn't understand why I would be important. There wasn't anything that I knew about Justice Valkyrie that he didn't. And the master had been keen to all but ignore me for a while now.
So what did he want?
"I saw your fight with Natsu."
I felt as though my heart had stopped in my chest, and then realized that he meant our confrontation before I left the guild hall.
"It wasn't much of a fight," I said, the tingles of phantom fire still lapping at my arms.
"Your disagreement." he amended.
I wasn't sure that was quite right either, but I didn't correct him.
He waited for a moment to see if I was going to speak and then continued on anyway. "Do you argue often?"
What a strange question. His intention was clear enough...but how to answer. First there was what I really thought, which was complicated enough, but then I had to figure out some half truth to tell him. This whole conversation was a minefield.
"Maybe it's none of my business," he shrugged, falsely assuming the reason for my silence. I heard him shift to glance over at me, but I kept my eyes firmly on the ground.
"Geez," he sighed, "the old man said you were quiet but…"
So he had talked about me with the master then.
"I just can't think of anything to say." I said, feeling a little bad for making him do all the talking for so long. Now that it was all but confirmed that he had been sent here by Makarov, I knew I had to be more careful, but at the same time, the questions probably weren't' coming from him, but from the master himself.
He tilted his head to the side, as if he had water in his ear. I risked a glance before darting away. Was his silence meant to be pay back for me doing the same earlier? There was nothing in his head that could help me be sure. He still had the same aura that he had when I'd first sensed him, cool and confident. It was as if he didn't even care what my answers were.
"You can just cut to the case." I said.
"Pardon?"
"I know the master sent you here," I said, "just say what you have to and we can both be on our way."
I watched him carefully, it had been a risk, both to pull back the curtain on our stupid little social game, but I was tired. I wanted to go home.
"I guess both of you aren't fans of small talk." he said. I noticed that he was smiling. Again, I was amusing him. As if I were some cute little toy or animal. It made me want to scream. I was trying to be serious. And he couldn't even give me the dignity to stand on equal ground?
"Look," he said, "I know you don't wanna hear it, but what you did...it's really not that bad."
I blinked. Had I misheard him?
"I mean, I can't account for anything before you came here," he added quickly, "but as far as Natsu goes...something tells me he's not that upset about it."
"I tried to kill him." I said, more as a reaction than a defense. The words made the back of my throat burn, but Laxus didn't seem to notice.
"Join the club kid."
"It was different for you." I said.
He raised an eyebrow, and some of his feelings of superiority melted away. He hadn't known that I knew about his past. Perhaps he had been planning to tell me, to forage some kind of companionship.
"I don't know how you thought this was going to go," I said, gaining false confidence in his misjudgment. "But I don't wanna join some I-was-personally-victimized-by-Natsu club, because it's not really true for either of us. We both started a fight we shouldn't have. But that's the only thing we have in common."
His amusement was gone. Apparently my outburst had earned his respect.
"We both lost." he offered.
"You only barley lost to both him and Gajeel." I said. Just the thought of both of them at the same time sent a silver down my spine. I'd wanted his respect, and I'd gotten it, but now I wanted to lose it again, to cut our ties altogether. To prove that we weren't the same. "And then you got kicked out, you got your chance at retribution."
The words didn't affect them the way I'd hoped. There was no sting of memory, but something calculated. Was he reading into me based on how I perceived the situation? I pressed on, desperate to pull away, to destroy any semblance of connection between us.
"I came here specifically to kill him, and you-then I put forward the most miserable attempt at a fight ever, and he let me live!"
The silence that followed was deafening.
I'd said more than I'd meant to. My hands had rolled into fists again, stinging the still tender flesh on my palms. I felt like crying, or screaming, or running away and never coming back. Here I was, spilling my guts out to a stranger, and for what? Because he thought it would be funny to follow me right after I'd pissed off Natsu? Because his stupid grandpa told him to? I didn't owe him anything.
He was still processing what I'd said, working through any loophole. Looking for a way to calm me down. To console me.
I didn't want to be consoled.
I took a deep breath and stood up, leaving my shoes on the ground beside him, and turned to walk away.
I heard him stand behind me, but forced myself not to look.
"Did you want to?"
I froze. "What?"
"Did you want to die?"
His tone was casual, but it couldn't fool me. This had been the question he'd been trying to lead up to. The thing that the master wanted to know. Had this been what he'd asked August? Or had the master already been sure of his mental state after all their meetings? Did he really care about mine?
It wasn't worth finding out.
"It doesn't matter." I took another step forward, and felt a hand clamp down on my arm. His grip loosed as he took in an initial reading, as if in apology.
"It matters to me."
And despite the origins of the question being the master, I knew that it was true. And I knew that he could feel the way the thought of it twisted my stomach, even though it lightened my heart.
To die for Justice Valkyrie would be an honor. Or at least...it should have been. I should have been proud to display my broken bones, glad to die in battle, even if it had been cowering at his feet.
But the blow hadn't come.
And despite the consequences that washed over me in it's stead… I had been relieved.
"I thought I did." I sighed.
The grip on my arm raised, and it fell limply to my side. If it hadn't been for my magic reading into him...I would have thought that Laxus had disappeared as soon as his skin left mine.
"And what do you want now?" he asked.
I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling a silver despite the warmth.
"To stop feeling guilty that I didn't."
