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JACOB'S POV

That was too harsh. I lean against the counter, criticizing myself for spitting so much venom at Nessie. I try to remind myself that whatever Nessie and I shared is over and has been over for years. Yet I still can't shake the guilt. I hate how I get this way when it comes to her.

My eyes wander to the glass doors where I see Nessie sitting on one of the deck chairs, drinking from her wine glass-sorry, her zalto- which she has filled to the brim. An hour passes and the sky continues to get darker. I watch Nessie sip her wine until the glass is empty. I expect her to come back inside but she refills her glass.

I sigh. Fuck. I walk to the door and slide it open, "come back inside."

"Fuck off," Nessie replies.

"It's going to rain," I look at the dark clouds looming.

"Then I'll get wet," she says dryly and takes another sip of wine.

"So you're going to sleep out here? In the rain?" I cross my arms.

"I'll come back inside when I'm ready," she replies.

"You'll come back inside now or I'm locking this door," I threaten.

Nessie doesn't reply. She takes a long sip of wine and then turns to look at me after a moment, "you're still here?"

I clench my jaw. Fine, bitch. I slide the door shut and flip down the lock. For good measure, I close the blinds so I don't have to look at her once it starts to pour. I'm not worried about Sam getting to her on the deck. I know that the boys are guarding the house.

I flick off all the lights and go upstairs to take a shower so I am not tempted to check on her. Nessie is as impossible as I remember. Except it's not fucking cute anymore. It's infuriating. Leah and Kalen's shower is massive with amazing water pressure. It's a far cry from the trickle of barely hot water we get at home. The shower is not enjoyable, though. I spend too much time agonizing over the things I said to Nessie. By the time I come out I feel more stressed than I did before going in.

I wrap a towel around my waist and pick up the clothing I had discarded in a pile on the floor. Something falls out of my pocket. I look down. The velvet box. Oh… This. I open the box and look at the moonstone engagement ring I proposed to Nessie with years ago. I shake my head. What a cheap piece of junk. I wonder if she really did love it like she said she did. Maybe she was just being polite. Miss. Zalto probably prefers diamonds now.

It suddenly occurs to me that perhaps Nessie was talking about Foxworth last night when she mentioned that she had been with someone else since our split. Who else? The Cullens are a very closed-off family. It's all about protecting their own. I pluck the ring out of the box and drop it into the toilet. My hand hovers over the flush. I hesitate. Fuck. I sigh and reach into the bowl and retrieve the ring and then wash my hands and the ring with soapy water. I drop the ring back in the box and return it to my jeans pocket before changing into sweats and a light white t-shirt that Quill brought over when I asked if he'd grab some things for River and me. I towel my hair the best I can but let the towel hang around my shoulders. I used to cut my hair long ago. Now I just let it grow. I never got into the habit of going to the barber every few weeks. Every haircut I manage to get always grows out like this.

I exit the bathroom and hear the loud patter of rain pounding against the windows. I stand at the top of the stairs, looking down to the kitchen where the door exits onto the deck. I think of Nessie sitting out there getting absolutely drenched. I roll my eyes. I better go get her. I draw the blinds to the deck and lookout. It's dark now. I turn on the outdoor light to see the bottle of wine and glass sitting near the chair but no Nessie. Where'd she get off to?

I open the door and look around to see if she is hiding somewhere on the deck.

"Nessie? … This isn't funny." I walk out onto the deck. The rain is coming down like sheets and making it difficult for me to track her scent. I go to the edge of the deck and look off to see if maybe she has taken shelter near the canopy of trees. I grit my teeth, heading back to the house, prepared to alert the pack once I make sure she didn't somehow sneak inside. I see a faint glow from her car. I squint my eyes. Of course, I can see her now in her car, reclined back. The glow of her phone illuminating her face.

I whistle to the nearest wolf. I can see it is Embry. He comes quickly, "hey, go guard Nessie, she's in her car."

He tilts his head as though to ask why is she in there?

"Go," I repeat, "tell the others to keep the perimeter," I say. Embry nods and runs off, laying down beside Nessie's car. I go back inside and watch from the window. Nessie rolls down her window, talking to the wolf. She would know it's Embry. He has a distinct patch on his nose. He lifts his head to her and she affectionately pets his ears, something I recall Nessie doing to me when I was in my wolf form. I can almost feel it.

I peel my soaked t-shirt off, hang it over the banister near the stairs and then go to lay down on the couch in the adjoining living room. I lay in the darkness trying to will myself to sleep but it is futile. I'm so angry about everything; River being hurt, the hospital bills I still don't know how I'm going to pay and of course Nessie. Anger for the momentary lapse in judgement which led to us making love last night and allowed me to believe that I could have her back and things would be okay.

I close my eyes but all I can think about is Nessie, outside in her car. I'm glad that Embry is guarding her. He'll keep her safe from Sam's pack… but also safe from me. I so badly want to go to her despite everything.

My mind wanders back to the first moment I saw the beautiful woman she had become. I had tracked her down at Kalen's condo and saved her from a vampire that we later found out was sent by Aro to track down halflings.

"I had to, Jacob, I was a prisoner," Nessie whispers, her mouth slightly muffled against my chest as I hold her body against me so tightly. "I couldn't go anywhere or be seen by anyone," she continues, I inhale the lovely scent of her hair. Her intoxicating pheromones fill my lungs. In that moment I know that she is all I want and will ever need. "I change on a daily basis, almost," she explains.

"You could have told me," I try to convince her, leaning my cheek against the top of her head.

"No… you wouldn't have let me go."

I push the memory to the back of my mind. And yet I did. After everything. I let her go. I sit up and exhale, rubbing my tired eyes. At this rate, I'll be up all night. I decided to go check on River and make sure he doesn't need anything. When I make it to the guest room, River is sleeping soundly so I return to the couch. I stare at the ceiling. Fuck it. I can't sleep.

I neatly fold my sweats on the couch and walk out to the deck, phasing into my wolf form. I run speedily into the forest, exhausting my lungs and every muscle in my body. Though, not before I catch a snapshot of the internal conversion going on between my pack.

'Such a waste of time. Sam isn't coming. I should be home with Clarie. The twins are a nightmare to put to bed. That's a two-parent job,' Quil complains.

'We were given an order,' Seth replies obediently.

'I don't know what Jacob is thinking,' Embry mutters internally, 'if I imprinted on a beautiful woman like Nessie, I'd never let her go.'

'Augh, here we go again,' Quil chimes in.

'Spare me, Embry,' Seth sighs.

'Shut up. You two found your soulmates. You don't know what it's like to be the only one who is alone.'

'We do because you never shut up about it,' Seth mutters.

The internal dialogue eventually fades. I make my way deeper into the forest. Once I exhaust myself I find a quiet place to rest. It isn't my intention but I drift off to sleep.

More daily updates to come.
Do you think Jacob and Nessie can still salvage their relationship or has too much damage been done?
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