Chapter Eighty-Three: Safe
The conversation with Bail was long, awkward, and sometimes downright accusatory. Not directly accusatory. But Ahsoka recognized the disapproving in his tone like she'd recognized it in Breha's. Ahsoka couldn't say she blamed Bail. She'd always made sure never to directly lie to anyone over the years. Always deflecting or letting people come to their own conclusions. Always forthright that she had her secrets, secrets that always created a mystical allure about her. Secrets that protected her and her children. But secrets nonetheless.
Ahsoka was glad she'd gotten Vader to leave the room with Mé at Bail's request to speak with her alone. He would not have taken kindly to the veiled accusations against her, no matter how deserved they may have been. Bail wasn't wrong in his characterization. That it couldn't be ignored that she'd gotten Vader to her side not just because it benefited the Rebellion but also because it benefitted her. Still, much like his dead wife, Bail accepted the situation for what it was, that nothing he said or did was going to change it, and that Vader was something they were going to have to deal with. Ahsoka had never steered the Rebellion wrong. Even if the knowledge of her relationship with Vader re-contextualized things she'd done in the past, she was the only way forward. She had his support.
For a brief moment, it felt like Breha was in the room again. And in that moment, Ahsoka almost told Bail that the woman had sent her love, but she sensed it wasn't yet the time. Instead, she tasked him with the job of gathering the rest of the High Command to come to Imperial Center. The sooner they began negotiating terms with the Empire, the better.
Vader conveniently re-entered the room at that point, making Ahsoka wonder if he had been listening the entire time.
"You'll have plenty of time to gather the best and brightest of your people," he assured Bail. "The doctor says she needs at least a month to recuperate. Ideally, a month and a half."
"Vader, you can't keep me cooped up here like a prisoner for that long."
"I'll have to get Sabé to show you pictures of my prisons if you think this place is any comparison. Besides, I'm only saying that you aren't doing anything until a doctor signs off on your recovery."
"What am I supposed to do until then?" Ahsoka asked.
"Rest."
"And what are you going to do until then?"
"Run the Empire. It'll give me a chance to weed out any more of Palpatine's supporters from the military while Sabé makes sure the Security Bureaus and what's left of the Senate Guard check out. In the meantime, I've delegated part of the 501st to Commander Rex's use for your security."
Ahsoka didn't miss Bail's concerned look, and neither did Vader, who rolled his eyes.
"Relax. I have no plans on using this time to backstab the Rebellion. I announced our truce to the entire galaxy, didn't I?"
Bail still didn't look put at ease, but he didn't voice any more concerns.
Somehow, Ahsoka didn't die of sheer boredom over the next couple of weeks. Despite being under practical house arrest until she was well, she managed to get daily reports from Bail and Mon about the Rebellion: the terms they were discussing for an official treaty, the things they were willing to budge on, the things they weren't sure about, and the things they absolutely would not cede to the Empire.
Ahsoka had half the mind to ask Vader if he'd gotten started talking with any Imperial leaders about what they wanted out of all this. But she wasn't supposed to be doing any work at all. If she asked him about anything, he'd figure out she was in daily contact with Bail and Mon and her generals, who were coordinating the movements of her fleets across the galaxy. And then he'd be even more overbearing than he was already being. It was probably for the best that she just didn't fight him too hard. The less she pushed boundaries, the more he'd lighten up. In theory. Truthfully, the fact that she didn't have the energy to push back at him probably proved his point about her needing rest. Not to mention, the doctor was on his side.
Instead, Ahsoka spent her time with the twins and Winter, who Bail left in Ahsoka's care until everything with the Rebellion was settled. They gave her the grand tour of not just the penthouse but the entire high-rise building. Conference rooms, the kitchens, where Rex and the rest of her security had set up a base of operations, and many more nooks and crannies they'd discovered when Vader wasn't looking. Sometimes they got on the holonet and started on the list of bookmarked projects the twins had saved to do that they hadn't had the resources to do living on a Rebel base. Or that Ahsoka hadn't been able to carve out the time to help them with or that she'd just been too tired to do during her pregnancy in the last year.
She spent time with May when the human woman wasn't getting briefs from the Imperial Security Bureau. May had been specially appointed by Vader and Sabé to be their temporary (maybe permanent) press secretary. Ahsoka also got a few comm calls from her inner circle who were spread across the galaxy, keeping things stable until an official new government was born.
She saw Rex and Sabé often. And when they weren't off-planet making sure Palpatine's contingency was dismantled, Obi-wan, and Cal came to see her. Diya, who'd had a shorter recovery period for her new leg, was a frequent visitor and was always happy to take Mé off her hands to let Ahsoka get some sleep when Vader was off running the Empire. Also, to complain that Ahsoka not only misled her away from figuring out that Vader's identity, but also that Ahsoka wasn't the twins' biological mother.
In an act of generosity that Ahsoka wasn't sure how Vader mustered, he both designed and engineered Diya a new prosthetic leg when she complained about the one she'd gotten. Though, when Ahsoka thought about it, it might have been Vader's pride more than anything. When he'd commented that the only good thing about the prosthetic was the that it was indistinguishable from her organic leg, Diya offhandedly but dismissively asked if he could do better. In typical Vader fashion, his response was to do better.
Naturally, Ahsoka also spent a lot of time taking care of Mé. Already, she could tell the girl had a boundless curiosity about her—even more than Luke had. Always very alert and aware when she was awake. Already struggling to gain the strength to control her head to see what made certain sounds. Constantly and reflexively prodding at her family members in the Force or just generally reaching out with it. Ahsoka didn't remember the twins being so natural with the Force other than the bond she'd shared with them. But Ahsoka also hadn't touched the Force much, if at all, when they were young. Now, Mé had four people around her constantly accessing the Force.
Sometimes Mé went into screaming fits that Ahsoka hadn't been sure of the reason for until Vader revealed she was overstimulated. That the planet sometimes got too loud for her delicate senses. Those times, Vader would take Mé, lay on her his chest, and wrap his cool, dark presence around her like a soundproof barrier. It helped to lessen the overstimulation until she fell asleep.
But except for those times, when it seemed she'd only let Vader comfort her, this go-round with a newborn seemed easy. Ahsoka wasn't sure whether that was since she didn't have two babies competing for her attention or because she wasn't a teenager without a support system. Probably a lot more of the latter. When the twins had first been born, she struggled with suddenly being relieved of all her Jedi duties and the boredom it came with. The ever-present fear that the Empire would find them. Or that Vader would find them too soon.
Now, with Palpatine gone, on good terms with Vader, and people around to help, Ahsoka felt safe. Like she didn't always have to look over her shoulder or be so aware of every small thing that tripped all her senses. She hadn't felt like that in a decade. Longer actually. It was a nice feeling.
Towards the end of her recovery month, Bail returned to Imperial Center with Mon in tow. The rest of the Rebellion leaders would return when Ahsoka was ready to welcome them herself. Not that she didn't trust Vader not to hurt them. But she definitely didn't trust him not to indulge in a little entertainment by purposefully intimidating them when they arrived. Entertainment that no one but him would find funny.
She persuaded Rex to let them up to the apartment to begin going over the details discussed with the rest of High Command and some of the other Rebellion senators. They were at the end of their meeting—or, rather, Vader would be back soon—when Ahsoka sensed there was something left undiscussed. The glance Bail and Mon exchanged validated her senses.
"Is there anything else we need to talk about?"
Mon sighed.
"There's no easy way to bring this up to you, Ahsoka, but there's one more term that High Command wants you to consider. It's about Vader."
Ahsoka should have known that discussion hadn't ended with Bail's reluctant acceptance of her arrangement, both personal and professional, with the Sith.
"I know they have their reservations about allowing him to remain Emperor. But I think you'll find him somewhat amiable to some of the checks and restrictions on his power that you want to put in place. It's going to take a little wrangling on my part. But he'll mostly come around. I don't think Vader's as interested in a lot of the things that come with being Emperor as he thinks he would be."
"It's not about that. It is but…" Mon exchanged another look with Bail, who sighed. Mon continued, "They want more than just him stepping down as Emperor. They want him to step down as Emperor and submit to a trial for war crimes in the new government. Actually, they want quite a few people tried, but Vader in particular. And I can't say I disagree with them."
Ahsoka's first instinct was to tell them that it wasn't happening. But she was no longer the girl who trained under him and saw some of Vader's darker tendencies and brushed them aside. No longer the girl who ignored the whispers and rumors about her master as baseless and fearful just because he was different. If she brushed off their concerns, it would make her no better than the tyrant they'd been living under for the past decade. She always knew she'd have to face this eventually.
So she collected all her conflicting emotions and set her expression into something pleasant but unyielding.
"We've been keeping track of every crime and every atrocity since the inception of the Empire. They're significant, to say the least, and we're probably missing many. Certainly not outweighed by what he might have been doing behind the scenes to help our cause."
"I know better than anyone what Vader has done over the years. And I can't say I blame people for wanting him tried nor that I condone any of Vader's atrocities over the years," she finally admitted. "But I can defend him."
"Ahsoka," Bail said patiently. "You can't—"
"I can. He's more useful to us alive and free than he is captive or dead. The last decade has proven that. We would have been looking at another decade of organizing, at least, and more years of fighting after that without him."
"He's also more dangerous alive and free. The last decade has proven that too," Bail said, reminding Ahsoka of something Breha would have said.
"I know, but—"
"Billions, probably trillions, of beings have suffered under his hand. You may be able to argue that it was Palpatine's orders and influence. But it doesn't erase that he's been the face and enforcer of Palpatine's Empire. That he benefited from it so that the Empire fell right into line behind him with hardly any hiccups when Palpatine was killed. To most, he's no different than Palpatine." said Mon.
"Then we'll let him prove that most of it was Palpatine. Give him a chance to prove that he can be their champion."
"They already know that. That champion turned on them and became their tormentor. Or does Anakin Skywalker plan to keep hiding behind that mask to the public?" Mon asked.
Another thing Ahsoka knew wouldn't go quietly.
Mon continued, "People want him to suffer like they have. To face humiliation. And last but not least, they want him dead."
Ahsoka understood the sentiment. She spent a decade plotting against Palpatine and intending to kill him for everything he'd done to her. Turning Anakin Skywalker against her. The demise of the Jedi Order. The threat he posed to her children. And goodness knew that if Sidious had turned around and given her an offer of peace, she would have never trusted it. She would have turned it down and kept going until he was dead. She couldn't blame people for feeling the same way about Vader. Wouldn't she have felt the same way about him if not for her history with him?
Time for another tactic.
"Fine then. But you know if we try Vader, we have to try everyone under him with a modicum of control. The remaining Joint Chiefs, many of the moffs," Ahsoka said, looking out the large reinforced glass window that covered the wall to her right. "And me."
Ahsoka didn't take her eyes away from the horizon outside, the sun more than halfway done setting at this point. She didn't need to see their expressions. Their shock reverberated through the Force.
"Try you. Ahsoka," Bail sighed.
"It's only fair, right?" Ahsoka asked, looking back at them. "How many Imperials have I killed with families who were just doing their jobs? Because they got a glimpse of me and might have gone back to their superiors and talked? How many people died as collateral damage because of this war that I started to destroy Palpatine and his supporters? If putting Vader to trial is only fair to our side, putting me to trial is only fair to the Imperials. They probably want to see me suffer for the deaths of their loved ones and soldiers, some just trying to make ends meet for their families. Even if that's not true, I colluded with Vader. You might call me an accomplice to all his deeds."
"That's a very different situation, and you know it," Mon retorted, clearly unimpressed.
Ahsoka shrugged. "From a certain point of view, maybe."
Silence fell between them. A silence Ahsoka knew she would have to break, but she let Bail and Mon stew on her offer first.
Finally, she said, "You know, there is less studied and well-hidden history that the millennia-long conflict between the Jedi and the Sith started because of the Jedi. According to that history, there was a large group of Jedi that thought that their way, through the light side, was the only correct way to serve and use the Force. Another group of Jedi, a smaller group, believed that the Force could be used and served by way of the dark side. They left when the unfair treatment by their brethren became too much to withstand. Until then, there were no abilities or practices that were strictly light or strictly dark. You could even say it wasn't even a concept. But the point of this story isn't to argue Force philosophy with you.
"The point is that the conflict between them got so bad that the Jedi who practiced exclusively using the light deemed the "dark" Jedi a threat and had them all killed. Those who managed to escape the genocide became the first Sith. For a millennia they've continued to find those Jedi on the fringes, the Force users that the Jedi shun to pass down their hate and pain. And that hate and pain only magnifies every generation of Sith. So much so that the prevailing belief was that history was a fairytale that the Sith made up to made the Jedi look bad. But as someone that used to be a Jedi… I can't say there aren't some rings of truth in it. Even though I'm sure the dark Jedi had their hand in instigating the conflict. Either way, that fight has been going for a millennia, and just about every major galactic conflict in history's past can be boiled down to a back and forth tug-of-war between the Sith and the Jedi."
Ahsoka looked over to where Mé laid on a thick quilted blanket under an activity gym. She was cooing around the fist in her mouth while the other waved toward the bright hanging toys above her.
Ahsoka continued, "This has to end. We have a chance to end this millennia-old blood battle, and Vader is willing. But if you insist on this, we're only going to continue this cycle of war. Even if you managed to win against his might, if you take a father from his Force-sensitive children, though they might not do anything about it, that pain will be passed on to everyone they touch. And one day, I don't know when, we'll be right back fighting this same war with different faces and factions."
"And if we do insist," Mon said, not disguising where she fell on the matter, "If we decide we want no part in this Empire and to continue this fight, where will you stand?"
The tension in the room rose. Ahsoka had been grappling with and preparing for this question for a long time. But when she decided she'd bear the burden of Vader's sins, she'd been prepared for the possibility that the Rebellion might turn on her. She knew she might have to face their scorn. She knew exactly what she'd do if they did. But Mon and Bail didn't need to know the details.
Sensing Vader's presence getting closer, Ahsoka turned back to look at Mon, and said, "I'm not an enemy to you, Mon. I'm not an enemy to the Rebellion. Don't make me into one."
The front door opened and in walked Vader, in most of his suit.
"Ahsoka," he began while setting the mask and helmet on the coffee table.
"We were just finishing up," Ahsoka said. She gave him a cheeky smile.
"You should have never gotten started. When I said no work, I meant it."
"Vader, I've been sitting around the apartment doing nothing for weeks. One meeting isn't going to kill me. Especially when the doctor is just going to sign me off as recovered tomorrow."
"She's going to evaluate whether you've fully recovered or not. There's a difference. And you know as well as I that you haven't been sitting around doing nothing. I know you've been getting and reading daily reports. I should have known you'd push the boundaries of your allowance to have a physical meeting." As he said all this, he knelt down in front of Mé, rubbing the girl's belly. "Your mother still doesn't know when to just listen."
"Boundaries? Anakin Skywalker, I'm not your child," Ahsoka reminded. "I know and can decide the limits of my own body."
"Of course, you're not," Vader said, now standing with Mé in his arms.
Ahsoka guessed that he planned on staying in the suit a while longer. Now that he was holding her, Mé wasn't going to let him put her down until she was asleep again.
"Nor do I doubt your ability to know and decide the limits of your own body. I do doubt your ability not to ignore those limits and speed right past them at light speed. Or need I remind you that—"
"Yeah. I ran into battle barely two hours after giving birth," Ahsoka finished.
"Luke and Leia said it was more like an hour."
Exasperated, she asked, "Are you ever going to let me live that down?"
Vader gave her that look like he was trying to decide if she was just stupid or totally heedless. Ahsoka supposed it was fair since she hadn't been cleared by her doctor yet, and he was holding their month-old daughter in his arms.
"Whatever," she said, turning back to Bail and Mon. "We were finished anyway. I'll get the details to you about the peace conference tomorrow when I'm cleared by my doctor."
"If you're cleared by your doctor," Vader said.
"Ignore him," Ahsoka said, getting to her feet to show the two out.
Mon and Bail looked a little wide-eyed, but she supposed anyone would be after seeing Darth Vader being a fussy and concerned partner and a doting father. It still left her in awe sometimes too.
Bail had already gotten to the elevator across the foyer with Winter when Mon abruptly turned around. Ahsoka paused closing the door.
"Ahsoka, when I said all that. I wasn't implying—" Mon sighed. "I won't pretend to understand the position you've put yourself in. But I don't think any less of you because of your and Vader's…" Mon trailed off. Eyes looking past Ahsoka to where Vader could just be seen sitting on the couch with Mé in his arms and Luke and Leia on either side of him.
"I know," Ahsoka replied softly, saving the red-haired woman from having to finish. "And I know it won't be fair to just let him get off without some kind of consequence. I'll think of something."
Mon nodded and smiled before leaving.
"Mom," said Luke when he noticed her come back in the room. "Can we please order from that world of curry restaurant we had a couple of weeks ago? I've been dreaming about that red curry fish!"
"Luke, you always dream about food," Leia reminded him.
A light ripple rang through the Force where Mé had touched it in her reflexive explorations.
"See? Mé agrees with me," Leia declared.
"No, she—"
"Don't bicker. You'll scare your sister," Vader chided.
Luke stuck his tongue out at Leia before sitting back to sulk with his arms crossed.
As she sat across from them, taking in the scene, Vader looked at her and raised an eyebrow in askance.
"What?" she asked.
"The bond. You're making it vibrate again."
Ahsoka smiled. "It's nothing."
AN: Hope you enjoyed. Review, favorite, and follow please! I appreciate all the support and insights.
