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I poured another round of shots.

"Any other pressing questions?" Weiss asked. We all took our shots.

"So, so many…" I trailed.

"Well? Like what?" Ruby wondered.

"How obvious did you have to make it that you liked me, Rubes?"

"I gave up. I just baited you in and kissed you. I was all like… I don't know… should we share bedrolls? Do you want to cuddle in the dark? Look at me in these little PJs, won't you? And nothing really got through."

"It got through. I saw you. You were giving me issues."

"But you didn't want me bad enough to make a move," Ruby pointed out. "Do you know what I mean?"

"I was still struggling. And I didn't want to ruin our friendship either. It was like a great big unknown question. But I knew I loved listening to you talk at me about weapons and other bullshit. I knew I loved the way you pushed your short hair back over your ear absently. I just… I stared at you. All the time. I was looking at you all the time. You were pressing in on me all the time. I couldn't help myself. But I was afraid."

"But why? I was like 'come get me.' You know what I mean? I was totally willing and able to spread my legs for you and I was like 'let's do it, buddy,' and you weren't doing it. What's a girl to think? Does he really like me back? Am I pushing him too soon too fast? Does he just need more time? Do I need to be more obvious? What's the angle? What's the situation?"

"Well, I am a little on the denser side…"

"No kidding," Weiss commented. "Which reminds me. Ruby, did you know that he had sex with Neapolitan?"

"That woman who almost killed Yang?"

"Yep."

"I didn't. Don't spread this slander," I defended.

"What's the story?" Ruby pressed. "When did this happen? You cheated on me?"

"It was in Atlas before I met up with you all again. And I was out of my mind on drugs. And it probably didn't happen. I just don't remember that night."

"Well… I cheated on you with Weiss…"

"That's a little different, Ruby," Weiss disagreed.

"Is it? I mean… I didn't have his permission to kiss you or to be with you. And we were a couple first. That counts as cheating…"

"It really isn't the same as having slept with someone else. Especially in light of us becoming a trio later," I dismissed. "Anyways, if I did sleep with Neo then I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I don't remember. That was a crazy time for me in Atlas. I was doing all kinds of crazy self medication. That's not a very good excuse but that's what happened."

"Let's do another round of shots. And will you top off my cocktail, Cloud?" Weiss asked.

I did and we all hammered one back. I refilled Ruby's drink as well and she adorably sucked the sugary drink down through the blue straw.

"I didn't even try to drop hints and be subtle. I probably could have waited longer to make my move on Ruby..."

"Nah…" Ruby waved off. "I was all in a funk and you helped bring me out of it."

"What happened?" I asked.

"She kissed me and it was so good. But I was still a bit of a mess over you. What happened in Mistral was scary and awful and scary. I mean… Ren and Nora were gone. Just like that. He vanished and it was obvious that he was the one who killed them. And she was looking after me while I was depressed and all out of sorts. Like how I was attached to your hoodie. I was in such and utter denial. I had no idea what really happened to you or where you were and I could hardly think about the relic but there was that too. I was so depressed and then she kissed me in Atlas and it sort of dragged me back into myself? If that makes any sense. My stomach was so small and doing flip flops and she just sort of relaxed me all at once. But at the same time I wasn't quite ready. I mean we were super close. Right Weiss? Wouldn't you say we were always super close?"

"Quite the bubbly little bubble. Isn't she?" Weiss asked.

"I know. I so called it."

"You guys are making fun of me! Quit it!"

"But you're so adorable when you're chatty. I could listen to you all night," I said.

"I always thought it would be annoying? You know what I mean? I hate to be one of those girls who talks a lot. So I try to keep it all in. I mostly succeed. Kinda. My lips do feel funny. On my face! On my face you guys! I know you were thinking something dirty."

"I wasn't," I said.

"Me neither."

"Yeah right. You two are both always looking to poke fun at me. Always. I can never catch a break. But wouldn't you say that we were always very close, Weiss?"

"Not always… there was a time when I thought you were intolerable."

"But after the first couple of weeks we were best friends. And we never, like, shared blushes but we got along well. It was easy to talk to you after that. I liked it. I missed you in Anima. I wanted you to be around with us. With Cloud it was different. Different but the same. I sort of grew into liking Cloud. Or Jaune. You were Jaune back then. It was sort of the same with you, Weiss. Where I grew into it. Of course I had to make the first move with Jaune and you had to make the first move with me. We went from best friends to girlfriends. And I'm glad I talked you into making the first move with him at the psychiatric hospital. I mean… why wait?"

"Yeah? How did that go down?" I asked.

"Weiss was super nervous you weren't going to be poly."

"Lies," Weiss muttered.

"Hush you. You were in a tizzy. She got so worked up over whether or not to tell you because you were already going through so much. It was a real problem for her. She didn't want to add to your plate. I talked her into sharing her feelings."

"It all started in Mistral. With Limit Breaker and how 'take charge' you were."

"Right. Right. I had to do up her hair and let her worry at me. She really just needed to vent. Do you know what I mean? I feel really good. No wonder people drink. I'm so relaxed. All my muscles are like brrr."

"What noise was that?" Weiss asked.

"You heard me. You both heard me. Anyways does she ever get like that with you? All worked up into a tizzy by herself and what she does to her own brain?"

"Hey!" Weiss protested.

"A little before we asked you to marry us," I admitted.

"Hey!"

"I knew it. You two shared that look where Weiss was all 'are you sure?' and you were like 'totally lets do it.' then you got down on your knees. I knew that look. Weiss gave it away. I did the same thing for her in Atlas when we asked you to be a trio with us at that psychiatric hospital," Ruby breathed. "Whew. I could run a marathon."

"I have other ways we could put that energy to use," I pointed out.

"It's not always about sex!"

"But it so could be…" I muttered into my cocktail.

"Oh, how did it go down from your perspective in Atlas, Weiss? Cloud was all scared. I saw his face, like I was going to break his heart. I thought he was paralyzed for a moment with that look on his face. It was like this bone deep dread that he saw coming but was inescapable. You both put yourselves through palpitations."

"I'd pay to have my heart broken by you, Rubes."

"What does that even mean? You goofball. What am I going to do with you? Obviously I'm not interested in breaking your heart. I suppose I'll just have to continue to do the opposite. But enough! I'm such a chatty crimsonette. What about you? Weiss? In Atlas?"

"Yeah? You didn't play games or give hints. There was no dance. I thought girls liked the dance," I wondered.

"Ruby just told me I should come out with it. I didn't try dropping hints or messing around. I mean… I saw… I saw the writing on the wall. It was time anyways. I wanted to be with Ruby and you. I knew what I was going after."

"You both saw Pyrrha," I reclined and rubbed my forehead. "You saw how that went down. You gave up trying to get a message through because you know it would be in vain. I'd miss the memo. Pyrrha had months to work at it and it never sunk in. I never realized. Tell me… how obvious was it that she liked me? Really?"

Ruby and Weiss shared a look and they took their sweet time.

"Cloud…" Ruby trailed. Weiss held up a hand.

"It was pretty obvious, Cloud. It was pretty obvious. Literally everyone thought you knew."

I put my face down in both hands. "Fuck me. Fuck me sideways."

"It was bad. She had it bad for you. I won't lie to you."

I sighed hard.

I realized they were both waiting for me.

I didn't have anything.

"Well…" I started. They kept waiting. They were merciless. "I'm having another shot," I finished.

"It's not your fault…" Ruby murmured. I poured one out and took it.

"Then who's fault is it?" I wondered not to prove a point. "It's on somebody."

"You were a newborn and you spent your formative years getting your brain melted by Salem and Merlot. It wasn't your fault. If Pyrrha wanted you bad enough, if she really wanted you to know, she would have made a move like I did," Weiss brutalized.

"She died thinking I knew all along."

"You don't know that…" Ruby tried.

"I'm going to do another shot."

"Should you?" Weiss asked and it didn't sound like she was trying to prove a point either.

"I'm gonna anyways."

I took it and reclined.

"Cloud look at me," Ruby whispered.

My eyes slipped up from the floor to meet her's. Her breath caught and she lost what she was going to say when I looked at her. I must have looked dead inside at that moment. Her eyes watered as she looked at me.

"How long are you going to carry this?" Ruby wondered.

"Probably until I die," I admitted easily. "Probably until I die…" I repeated a touch quieter.

"It's too much. You have to let go."

"How can I let something like this go?"

"You have to," Ruby pleaded.

"How?" I wondered.

"You have to accept it and move on," Weiss cut in.

"Weiss…" Ruby begged.

"He has to. Or he can't ever really be with us."

"I've accepted in my heart that she's gone and nothing can bring her back. I know that revenge and justice mean nothing to my loss. How is that not enough? What more is there to do and say?"

"You have to forgive yourself…" Ruby muttered.

"How can I possibly?" I openly wondered.

I reached for the bottle of vodka.

"That's enough, Cloud." I stopped robotically. "Have a quick break," Weiss ordered.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't even want to think about this anymore," I fired back. But still I stayed my hand by the bottle.

"Do it anyways," Ruby asked. "Do it with us."

I sighed. "What more is there to say?" I reclined back and away from the drinks. I gave the bottles a longing look like they were some long lost lover.

"Did you love her?" Weiss asked.

"That's unfair…"

"But did you?" Weiss was unrelenting.

"I don't know…"

"Yes you do," Ruby informed me. "You would know by now if you loved her or if you want to have loved her."

"It felt… it feels so real…"

"Then it could be. There's no reason why it can't or shouldn't," Ruby pointed out.

"If I didn't love her, then I don't know what love is?" I said it like a question. Like I was asking them whether or not I knew what love was.

"And maybe you don't," Weiss didn't challenge me but she did challenge what I said. "Did you love her? Cloud?"

"Yes… I did…I...still do. I still love her. What am I saying? Let me drink."

"No. You don't need a bottle right now," Weiss countered.

"Neither of us blame you," Ruby said slowly.

"I'm so thirsty…"

"No you're not," Weiss informed me. "You need to deal with this. With us. We're a part of it too. My mother drank every day. All day long. It made me worry about drinking with you. Like it would awaken something in me."

"I saw it in my uncle… he eventually gave it up. But there was a time when it consumed him and he was on the hard stuff all the time. It made me a little nervous too. But I'm glad I'm drinking with you guys."

"But you don't plan on doing it all day every day," Weiss continued.

"No, I don't…" Ruby trailed.

"You're not thirsty, Cloud. And you don't need to drink as a crutch. Talk it through with us."

"I…" I started. But I didn't have anywhere to go with it. I wasn't sure where to go with it. I couldn't think of what I needed to say. I didn't know where to start. So… I should start with that? "I don't know where to begin…"

Weiss nodded along and took a long sip of her cocktail. She waited. She loomed over me from where she reclined on the couch. Ruby leaned in and set her elbow on her thigh and her head on her hand.

"Start from the beginning," Ruby suggested.

"I woke up for the first time on that airship to Beacon on the day before initiation. I was motion sick. I… I don't have any memories from before that. From whatever happened to me before. In the 'before.'"

"The 'before?'" Weiss asked.

"It defines an age in my life."

"Only if you let it," Ruby allowed.

"I don't know. I met you that day, Ruby. And you too, Weiss. I met Pyrrha the next day on initiation day. She unlocked my aura. She tasted… spicy and sweet. Like jalapenos and apples. It was… a weird combination. I liked it though."

"Liked it enough to love it?" Ruby wondered.

"Maybe. Maybe given time. But… I didn't have time. Did I? Did we?"

"None of us really do. Time is always short. What happened next, Cloud?" Weiss asked.

"She saved my life like… a half dozen times that day. Probably more that I don't even know about. And I don't even know why. Like why me? She had a half a conversation with me in the locker room. But that was it. So why me? I'll never know."

"Maybe she saw it?" Ruby agreed with my ponderings.

"Maybe she let the chips fall where they may and maybe she made a choice. Maybe she committed. Maybe it was both and maybe she saw what you could be. Maybe she chose to make you who you are. It's possible. I sort of get all three," Weiss walked me along. "I didn't choose to take you up on your offer and then turn you into what I wanted. Pyrrha could have seen a half finished sculpture and ran with it."

"I did. I saw the half finished sculpture but it was Pyrrha who started it. It was her plan. To make you stronger. I followed it out in Anima. I was really just playing a guessing game but I did my best. Your power ran away from you and you killed someone. When you were just crushing monsters it wasn't a big deal to let your strength escape you. But then we fought those bandits and you killed one of them."

"Pyrrha's plan?" I asked.

"In forever fall. when you killed the Ursa, Pyrrha helped you with her semblance. She wanted to blossom some real confidence in you. I followed her model in Anima. It wasn't a big deal when we spared."

"But then the bandits showed up…"

"You killed them. That was on me."

"Bullshit. Rubes. I knew what dumbfuckery I wrought. I was swinging to kill."

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-WG