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"But you were surprised. I saw your face when you killed him. You were surprised," Ruby disagreed.

"It was so easy," I explained. "That surprised me. I meant it though. I wanted him to die. Just not that easily."

"When are you talking about?" Weiss asked.

"The first time I killed someone. Arguably manslaughter. I wouldn't argue it but it's arguable."

"And the next times you killed someone?" Weiss pressed.

"Some more of Vernal's bandits. I can't remember how many. Then those two people in Mistral. Then the people who worked for Don Corneo. I lost count along the way. It's so easy to kill someone. Neither of you know what I mean but it is as easy as you want it to be."

"What does that mean? It's 'as easy as you want it to be?'" Weiss wondered.

"Yeah… I don't understand what you mean."

"I mean if you want it to be difficult then it is. But if you want it to be easy it can be that too. It's up to you. It's your decision. Now it's… it's so easy. I barely have to think about it and I can kill tons of people. It's way too easy."

"What happened next in the story of Cloud?" Ruby asked.

"I met Neo. She… wasn't exactly a stabilizing agent in my life. She introduced me to greens and torture and taking what I wanted from anybody. Then I went on my tear during the 'after' part of my life. After Mother took me for the first time. I killed and slaughtered for control and power and drugs and money and maybe even women. But I don't remember that. That was all after Mother. Then I met Weiss in Atlas. She terrified me."

"I terrified you?! Are you kidding? You had me scared to my limit. You crushed Blake and my sister like they were toys and then you came sweeping at me."

"I was never going to hurt you."

"And you said in that voice 'I won't hurt you.' You were all 'surrender to me,' like I had any choice in the matter. You would have snapped me into two pieces if I tried anything."

"I didn't hurt Blake or your sister…"

"But you could have very easily."

"Granted… but I didn't. All you had to do was nothing. That's not hard. I just wanted to talk. I wouldn't have done anything and Neo fucked off. You were safe with me. At least so long as I was the one in control. I didn't understand my Mother's influence over my mind very well at the time. I knew it was there and that I could feel her but I didn't really understand her limits or my own."

"How did I terrify you?" Weiss wondered.

"It was like… you were in my face about who I became and the things I had done. At Beacon you were the question. Like 'how do I be good enough?' You know? And you were the same question in Atlas in my face again. Except I really didn't like how I answered the question. I had become this… tentacle. Who took whatever it wanted and just crushed anyone in the way. I terrified myself and you were a reminder of that. You were my fears come to fruition."

"The point was that it was terrifying. And sexy at the same time. You just swept in with the relic. I was so happy to see you safe and well and you had the evidence to back up what you were saying. Yeah it was horrific but I was glad you were alright and you hadn't really turned on us. It was the ideal time for me to make a move on you as well before something else happened and I'm glad Ruby talked me into it. If I would have been paralyzed none of this would have happened. Even further if Pyrrha survived none of this would have happened."

"Are you glad?" Ruby asked.

"A little," Weiss returned. "He wouldn't be who he is if Pyrrha had survived but he definitely wouldn't be mine. And I don't know if you would have been mine either, Ruby. I'm… strangely glad for how things worked out. Maybe that's the ice queen in me but I am. I'm happy now. I want you to be happy too, Cloud. I want you to be grateful for how things worked out in the end."

"I'm supposed to be glad that Pyrrha is dead?" I asked. It wasn't something Weiss would really say, least of all to me. I had to be sure I was hearing this right.

"That's not what she's saying…" Ruby muttered. "She's saying you are supposed to accept that along with who you are and be happy with us now instead of worrying about what could have been. You could have been a totally different person with a totally different semblance. You could have gained the power to Limit Break other people rather than yourself. But you didn't. You are who you are because Pyrrha died and we love who you are. You're also you for the things she did while she was alive. That matters too. But you once told me that you would have been totally different if Pyrrha had survived. But she didn't and you're not. We love who you are now. And if we have to be a little grateful to Pyrrha for her work so be it. We don't have to like that she died but we do have to come to terms with the fact the man we love wouldn't exist if she had lived. That hurts. That hurts us, it hurts you, it hurts all of us but it's the bitter truth. Would you and Pyrrha have made love out in the woods in Anima instead of you and me? That drives me crazy to think about but the answer is 'maybe.' Isn't it. I don't get a very good answer. Do I? I just have to live with it and that's not easy but it's the truth. I have to accept that you wouldn't be mine if Pyrrha had lived."

"Then we have to be strangely grateful for the way that she shaped you. That's not easy either. Then we have to agree that we wouldn't have this trio if she had lived and I like this trio. So maybe I am grateful that she died. Maybe that's horrible to say but I wouldn't have this and I like this. That's not easy to come to terms with but you have to do it too."

"I don't get it," I said.

"You don't want to get it," Weiss shot back.

"Maybe we're not explaining it right…" Ruby tried to mediate.

"No. He's refusing to understand because understanding would be really really hard. So he doesn't want to. It would hurt. A lot. Cloud if you never accept that Pyrrha is dead and forgive yourself for the missed opportunity you will never ever be happy with Ruby and I. It's too much."

"That's what's too much? Not all the bullshit with my Mother?"

"Yeah. It is. We can live with your mother looming over us. But not with Pyrrha. We still have to walk on eggshells about her around you because you're still not over the missed opportunity. We're not Pyrrha. But aren't we enough? Aren't we more than enough?"

"I can't answer that," I protested.

"You have to," Weiss countered. "That's part of coming to terms with her death and your grief. You have to ask if we're enough. And you have to be willing to answer it."

"Either one of you is enough… both of you together are more than enough. Yes. Now what? Now I'm over it?"

"You have to keep at it. Keep asking uncomfortable questions and answering them," Weiss pressed. "To shy away from this is to shy away from us. Are you? Do you want to?"

"No, I don't. But I don't see why I have to ask myself these horrific things. I don't want the answers to them. I don't get it. What do these gods awful questions have to do with my grief?"

"Because you're not confronting it. If Pyrrha had survived and you kissed and everything would you have dated her?"

"I think so… but I like you guys. I like where I'm at."

"That's what we need to hear from you," Ruby whispered. "It's hard but we need to know. And so do you. Would you have slept with her?"

"Again, I think so… but also again, I like sleeping with you two. And I don't mean sex either. I like sleeping with you guys. Recently…"

"Recently sex has been hard on your meds. We know. We don't blame you," Weiss pointed out. "You haven't been able to get or maintain an erection. That's the medication. Which I asked you to take. I can hardly be upset with you for doing what I asked when you warned me that this could happen."

"It's been hard…" Ruby trailed. "We can see you struggling."

"It's not hard. That's the problem," I sighed. "It's weird. I still get turned on and want sex but I can't… I can't get it together. I don't know. It's like I can't muster the focus required. I want to touch you both still. I'm still hungry for you two. I want to put it inside of you but I can't. I feel… I don't know."

"Impotent?" Weiss asked. "It's not your fault."

"It feels like my fault. And then the next time we try I psych myself out. I'm like 'am I going to get it up? What if I can't get it up? I'm not going to be able to get it up and then what will I do?' I'll go down on either of you which is nice."

"But you want to be able to release too," Ruby pointed out.

"Of course. And if being inside us is anything for you like it is for me, I would miss it too. I do miss it," Weiss agreed.

"It's like… lonely. I like being wrapped up in the warm and wet. It's lonely," I said.

"I agree," Weiss said. "It is lonely."

"Stick with it," Ruby encouraged. "We'll find a medication combo that works for you. This just isn't it."

"I'd feel a little better if you two were just outright frustrated with me. You know what I mean? Like two girls want to suck my dick and I still can't get it up? What the fuck is wrong with me? Get mad at me. Blame me."

"No," Weiss said. "I asked to put you through this. It's my fault if it's anyone's fault it's mine. And we're not going to get frustrated or mad at you for something like this. It's not going to fly like that. I love you. I know you love me. You were getting and maintaining erection just fine before so we know it isn't your fault. We just know. We know you're a little twisted on your meds so we can't blame you and we don't want to. We don't want to blame you."

"I want to do another shot," Ruby cut in. "This is fun and good. I like talking with you guys like this." I reached over and poured more drinks.

We all slammed back our drinks and gulped down some sweet cocktail.

"Why do you want us to blame you?" Ruby asked. "I know you're sexually attracted to me. I already know it's something else going on. Why would we blame you and why do you want us to blame you?"

"Well, it would put me in my place a little. Vindicate my own bad thoughts."

"'Why am I not getting hard, what's wrong with me, I can't express my love.' That kind of thing?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah. It would make those bad thoughts true. I would at least know that the ball is in my court instead of this waiting game where I have to play with the meds."

"You have to be patient. We knew it could take months to find the right one. Allow yourself to be patient with yourself. The same is true for dealing with Pyrrha and answering those questions regarding her. You have to be willing to ask them. You have to be willing to answer them even if it's not today. We'll still love you. If you decide that you would have been happy with Pyrrha we will still love you."

"Because I don't have much choice. It's not like I could ever choose Pyrrha over you."

"That's not what I meant," Ruby pleaded. "I know you love me. Weiss knows you love her. We know that you loved Pyrrha. We know that she could have maybe made you happy. But you have to know that we are here and we will make you happy for sure. We want your babies and we want to raise them with you. What could Pyrrha give you that we can't? What would you want from her that we don't? It isn't 'why do you miss her,' it's 'now that she's gone, what do you need?'"

"I don't know. I don't know what I need. I think you both do fine."

"Fine good? Fine fine? Or fine bad?" Ruby asked.

"Fine good. I don't know what more I would ask for from you two. You are both just so… so perfect. I want to cradle you both in my arms and gently touch your face and kiss your foreheads. I don't know what more I would ask from you two. Really. I don't. You're both so sweet to me and you're both looking after me in your own ways. I can't ask for more and I don't really want it. I mean… I would certainly like it if my team was still alive. But you guys know that and I doubt you're offended by my saying so. I just, I don't know. I'm so tired of fighting. Do you know what I mean? It feels like I've been fighting since the battle of Beacon and I just haven't stopped. I'm fighting now for my sanity on these drugs and with my Mother."

"You still call her 'mother,'" Weiss pointed out. "You do it all the time now."

"I gave up trying to resist that. Better to save my energy. And she is my Mother. My father disowned me as a son but she admitted I was her's. My sisters call me their brother. I am one of them. I can't fight that anymore than I can control which direction the wind blows. And it's the truth at any rate."

"I want you to try and stop and call her Salem," Ruby asked. I sighed. She knew I couldn't say 'no' to her. She knew that I had no choice. I had to do it now. I had to do my best with it.

"I'll do my best but I'm going to slip up every now and then. I'll try my hardest. What do you want me to call my sisters?"

"You can call them your sisters. We just don't like the way you refer to Salem because it feels like it isn't totally your choice," Weiss explained.

"I'll try. It's sort of ingrained but I'll do my best. And… and she is my Mother. Even if she didn't give birth to me."

"You also need to pick a birthday," Weiss pointed out from around her cocktail glass. "Ruby will want a day to celebrate you."

"You're hiding behind Ruby and it's adorable," I shot at her.

"No I'm not."

"You are too. It's cute. Keep it up."

"Sexy cute?" Weiss asked.

"There's such a thing?" Ruby wondered.

"Not sexy cute. Though that may just be the meds but it doesn't seem like sexy cute. It's just regular cute. And yeah there's sexy cute. When you pout up at me with those beautiful silver eyes it's sexy cute. Not totally sexless. Not just cute. Somewhere in between. You do it a lot Rubes. It's a major turn on. Well, maybe not now because, again, I can't get it up. But you get the idea."

"What else is sexy but cute?"

"When you whine at me," I began.

"That's true." Weiss agreed. "It's cute but also sexy. Us in our PJ's?" She followed.

"You mean my shirts and hoodies with only panties on? Yeah. That's pretty much the epitome of sexy-cute. You're swimming in those things and it's adorable. It makes me want to reach out and grab you and do nasty things to you but also makes me want to squeeze you and kiss your foreheads and play with your hair."

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-WG