Chapter LXXXIII – Mending Bridges
"Everyone wants me to leave…"
Susanna sighed, staring into her tankard somberly and swirling the liquid around with idle movements.
She kept lamenting the fact that the Dunmer were angry with her, yet she never actually broached the subject of why. Aeyrin poured more of the liquor to her tankard with a sympathetic smile. She wasn't exactly sure what they were drinking – Ambarys gave her the bottle when she adamantly refused to keep up with Bishop, claiming that it wasn't 'as strong as sujamma'. It was plenty strong on its own though, but perhaps it would loosen the barmaid's tongue eventually – she was so certain she could help her mend things with the elves. And that certainty got only stronger as she gradually felt the alcohol take effect…
"Just… ignore the looks and drink," she encourage Susanna. Damn, she sounded like Bishop, "I'm sure they'll get tired of the glares soon."
Susanna nodded slowly and took one last look over the room – some of the elves ignored her, chatting amongst themselves and drinking, but others occasionally threw her nasty looks, narrowing their eyes in suspicion. She let out another sigh and turned her attention back to Aeyrin. Finally she gave her a weak but determined smile.
"Right. Let's talk about something else then…" Susanna looked over the room again almost subconsciously. This time she focused on any potential distraction, rather than the uncomfortable atmosphere.
She giggled after a while, giving Aeyrin a sly and knowing smile.
"What?"
"You two are head over heels aren't you?" she snickered again, taking a deep swig from her tankard. Her cheeks were already starting to color slightly from the alcohol.
"H-how do you figure?" Aeyrin flushed, but she couldn't stop her lips from quirking up a bit. She gave a brief glance to Bishop – he was sitting at the bar, laughing heartily at something Ambarys was telling him, and steadily working through the remains of his first sujamma bottle.
"His eyes turn here at every chance he gets. You do the same, by the way. And there's this look… I can just tell," Susanna smiled at her wistfully.
"I… I guess… I don't know…" Aeyrin returned her smile demurely, staring blankly at the table after a while. She wasn't sure how she would tell if she was in love. She knew she's never felt this way about anyone, but with her limited experience, it was hardly surprising. Besides, for some reason, lately, she felt like she needed to be more… careful. It felt like admitting it to herself would make any potential hurt all the worse. She couldn't help but still occasionally remember the bitter feeling about the happenings in Whiterun, no matter how hard she tried to move past it.
"Problems?" Susanna prodded curiously, eager to concern herself with something else than the stares directed at her.
"I'm… I'm not sure…" Aeyrin sighed, the memories of the night at The Bannered Mare springing to her mind again. It gave her an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach.
Maybe talking it through would help. She didn't really feel like she had anyone she could just come to and confide in besides Bishop. There were Aela and Lydia but for some reason, she would feel uncomfortable complaining about Bishop to them. Maybe it was because of his own rather close relationship with them. While he certainly had some… history with Susanna, they never really talked as much as he did with Aela or Lydia. Farkas and Vilkas came briefly to mind, but their own bias towards Bishop would make any discussion rather moot.
"I just feel… something happened some time ago and I…" Aeyrin shook her head, taking a breath. She still felt somewhat… stupid for forgiving him. She knew she wanted to and she knew she didn't want to end their relationship or anything like that. And she certainly didn't want to hold it over him and keep harping on past mistakes. She really didn't know what else to do.
"We were in Whiterun at the inn for the night. I was playing for the patrons and then I noticed some girl come over to him. She was pawing all over him… always leaning in and stuff… he didn't do anything to stop it. Then he just mouthed to me to pretend like we didn't know each other… it was all so weird. Anyway, I didn't really know what to do… I paid for a room and I… I saw them outside from the window. I saw them kiss and I didn't want to look anymore… he didn't come back for a few hours…" her brows creased at the memory while Susanna remained silent, listening to her with a worried frown.
"He came back to the inn and said that nothing happened… but I saw him! He admitted then that he let her kiss him but swore that nothing else happened. He said that she was dangerous… that they've been together before and after things ended that she… terrorized the girl he was with after that. He said that he was just trying to make sure she didn't know about me and do something stupid… that he followed her afterwards to make sure she left," Aeyrin gave out another deep sigh, avoiding eye contact with Susanna.
"It's like the worst excuse ever, right? I just… I know I'm being so stupid. I want to believe him and I don't… I don't want this to come between us… W-when I think of not being with him…" Aeyrin shook her head vehemently, chasing the thoughts away. "I just wanted to believe him and... I'm really being stupid, right?" she looked at Susanna. She didn't really want her to agree. But anyone who was looking at this rationally would.
Susanna smiled at her sympathetically, but before she could answer, Idesa appeared at their table, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting herself down. The Dunmer threw a rather cold look at Susanna and then pointedly turned to Aeyrin with a much gentler face.
"Sorry to interrupt, hla-aka. Can I join? I just… wanted to apologize," Idesa gave her a sad smile, looking at her expectantly.
"For what?" Aeyrin scowled. If she was apologizing for the glares, she really should at least look at Susanna while doing so.
"Well… for spilling the yams, really. I shouldn't have talked so much about the Dragonborn thing… I… should have realized it would get back to the Stormcloaks… You have no idea how relieved I was to see you back here. The last news we had of you, brother said you were… sick. We thought Ulfric had poisoned you…" Idesa bit her lower lip in guilt, giving the Bosmer a hopeful look.
"Oh… no, he didn't. He was… unpleasant, but he didn't really try to do anything but threaten me. I got sick from the damn cold. And don't feel bad, Idesa. If you didn't start, someone else would have connected the dots. They already suspected me at the city gates. It was only a matter of time, really," Aeyrin shook her head with a wry smile. She longed to visit a place where nobody knew who she was again. Maybe she would get lucky in Winterhold – hopefully there were more elves around, with the College and all, it would make her much less conspicuous.
"Still… you might have enjoyed a few more moments of obscurity…" Idesa smirked at her. "The bottle's on me. As a compensation," she inclined her head towards the unlabeled bottle that Aeyrin and Susanna were sharing. Then Idesa only took a swig from her own tankard. She apparently decided to stay at their table.
Susanna still looked like she wanted to return to the previous topic, but she was now too uncomfortable with Idesa there. Aeyrin wasn't certain whether she wanted to discuss it anymore. Talking about what happened didn't ease her mind at all. Now she was only bitterly aware how naïve she was once she put the events to words.
She might as well get it over with though, and Idesa's presence was hardly concerning to her. The alcohol made her a bit less self-conscious in that regard and the Dunmer was practically a stranger. It wasn't as if she had anything to gain from knowing Aeyrin's personal issues.
"Umm… if you had something to say…" she bit her lip nervously, looking at Susanna and bracing herself for a lecture on gullibility.
Susanna gave another look to Idesa, creasing her brows deeply. After a while though, she let out a decidedly defeated sigh, shaking her head in resignation.
What an odd reaction…
"I… I don't think it's stupid. If you only think about what's rational or who you're supposed to be with… you're never going to be happy. You said you wanted to believe him and that you want to be with him… do that. Maybe you'll find out later that you shouldn't have… but if you don't try, you'll never forgive yourself. And you'll never stop wondering. I can see you care about him that much," Susanna's smile was encouraging. She looked at Idesa, who has been watching her with narrowed suspicious eyes, but the barmaid only nodded determinedly after that.
Surprisingly enough, her eyes stayed on the Dunmer for a long while before she decided to continue.
"For the record… I wouldn't discount his version of what happened. First of all… if he was making it up, he'd likely think of something more believable. And… if you don't know how nasty things can get when a scorned person gets involved, count yourself lucky…" Susanna lowered her gaze, taking a deep swig of her drink after a while.
It was obvious that she wasn't talking about Aeyrin anymore.
"Susanna… what happened?" Aeyrin tried to broach the subject carefully when she noticed Idesa still glaring at the Nord in suspicion.
Susanna jerked her head up, looking straight at the Dunmer, her eyes glittering, at the verge of tears but still defiant and determined.
"I don't care if you don't believe me! But I'll be damned if I act like it's my fault anymore. I lost him too!" Susanna shook her head, drinking again before she turned her eyes back to Aeyrin. Her voice was quivering a bit when she started to speak.
"There was a man… a Dunmer. He was the only one of them who would come to Candlehearth back then. After a while we got to talking. Turned out… he was coming there to see me. He was… he was so sweet, my Narvur… I've never met anyone like him…" some tears escaped Susanna's eyes and she turned again to her drink, taking a deep breath before continuing.
"We fell in love. I've never been so happy in my life. But… but then… one of the Stormcloaks took an interest in me…" her face twisted in disgust at the memory. "He was relentless. I made it clear so many times that I wasn't interested, but he still came to the inn constantly, always trying something… and after a while he found out about Narvur." Susanna wiped the tears from her eyes quickly, but more and more escaped each second.
"It was… horrible. He threatened him constantly, harassed him at every step, followed him around, waiting for an opportunity to arrest him or something. In the end, he got tired of waiting. He got some of his soldier friends on his side and they convinced Ulfric of all sorts of things… not that he needed much convincing. I'm not even sure what it was in the end… they told me something about him being a spy, trying to get close to me because as a barmaid I may have overheard some information on Stormcloaks. They said he was charged with blackmailing me and forcing himself on me… he was… already executed by the time they told me…" she swallowed the knot in her throat audibly, shaking her head in dismay.
"No matter what… it was already too late. They took his life for a petty rivalry. And that scum… he still had the audacity to make passes at me… I don't know what would have happened if it weren't for Brunwulf…" she shook her head again, finally looking back at Aeyrin. "The rumors were everywhere… about the evil elf who manipulated me. Brunwulf was one of the very few people here who actually believed me when I told him what happened. He was the only one who helped me. The man has influence… he arranged for that… that bastard to be called off into another Hold. At least there was that… But no one could ever bring my Narvur back…"
There was a long moment of silence as Susanna sniffled, staring into the table. Aeyrin gently took her hand, stroking over it soothingly, but she really had no idea what to say. The platitudes she was taught to comfort the grieving somehow didn't seem enough.
Idesa stared at the Nord for a while, her eyes still narrowed. But after some time, she finally spoke in an odd tone in her voice – a mixture of anger and uncertainty: "Woman, if you made that up for my benefit…"
"Oh to the Void with you! I don't care what you think anymore! I don't know what I was thinking! It's not like belonging somewhere would ever help! It's not like it would ever make things better! He's still gone!" Susanna cried out, wiping the tears away from her eyes defiantly and evading Idesa's crestfallen look. Several patrons looked their way curiously after her outburst, observing them with quiet intrigued murmurs.
"I… yes… well… excuse me…" Idesa's expression turned somber and regretful as she stood up from the table, heading straight towards her brother and a few other Dunmer sharing his table. She started to talk to them immediately, her words hidden in whispers. Some of them occasionally threw odd looks towards Susanna during the exchange.
However unnerving the memories got for Susanna, maybe the outburst would actually help…
"I… I don't know what to say… I'm so sorry about what happened..." Aeyrin shook her head. It was odd… as prepared as she was to deal with these things during her time at the temple, she never actually knew any of the people she was consoling. Everything she was taught suddenly felt so inappropriate – as if the same words had less meaning outside the chapel walls. Perhaps because the people searching for comfort at the temples expected those very words from her, because they came there to hear them. But Susanna didn't. And nothing Aeyrin could say would lessen her pain.
"You don't have to… you don't have to say anything… just…" Susanna gave her a sad and demure smile after a while. "You have someone who makes you happy. Don't let the silly things take it away. There are much worse dangers, believe me…"
A long silence fell over them while Aeyrin pondered on Susanna's words. Maybe Bishop really wasn't lying about the night in Whiterun. But… maybe… even if he did… it wasn't something that she should let come between them. Susanna made it painfully clear how many things can go wrong, what could happen to tear them apart – things they had no control over. This was something she could decide on her own. Something she had the power to dismiss. She wanted to be with him, after all. She knew how she felt. Susanna was right. What would being rational achieve, if she wouldn't be happy? Death or other circumstances could break them apart any day after all. This shouldn't.
"Susanna, is it?" Faryl, one of the Dunmer farmers, interrupted their silent ruminations, inclining his head towards the Nord.
"Idesa told us… your... side of what happened to Narvur… we may have… let the rumors get out of hand…" Faryl sighed, going over to the bar briefly and coming back with another bottle, setting it down on their table. This one was in a similarly decorated clay pot like the sujammas, only it was in a light red color with a carving of a small crimson berry on the side. Did the Dunmer here only communicate in drinks?
"A peace offering. Vintage comberry brandy, Ambarys's best year. You are welcome at the cornerclub anytime."
…
The brandy was certainly good.
Also somewhat stronger than whatever they've been drinking before.
Bishop was almost done with his second bottle, holding himself up surprisingly better than the last time. He also ate almost the entire food supply at the Candlehearth Hall during lunch to prepare for the evening… he was really taking the three bottle challenge seriously. It was both funny and concerning to Aeyrin, but with the rising inebriation, it was mostly just funny.
The evening was progressing in a much lighter mood after the misunderstanding about Narvur was dealt with. Apparently, the Dunmer dealt with the curfew in their own way by staying at the cornerclub until sunrise, drinking the nights away.
It was no wonder. From the information they caught between conversations, some of the Nords, especially the soldiers, really let out their frustrations on the elves. They were harassing them at every opportunity. Some of the elves were even covered in bruises – the result of back talking or disobeying ridiculous orders.
From what they told them, two of their friends have been taken into the dungeons after Ulfric's first order. They haven't been seen since.
After the second order, the Dunmer mostly decided to obey, in fear of another such occurrence. But the Stormcloaks were determined to make their efforts too difficult nonetheless.
A lot of the Nords also left their Dunmer employees without work… for 'safety purposes', leaving them practically septim-less.
And on top of it all, who even knew at this point if catching the killer would make the situation better for them? Ulfric's men seemed to be reveling in the abuse and there was no doubt he could think of some other reasons for similar orders if he wanted.
For what it was worth, Susanna promised to spread the word about the Stormcloaks' behavior among the citizens – at least those who she knew would sympathize a little.
But it was unlikely that it would help the situation.
It was, however, rather encouraging that despite their troubles, the elves didn't lose their spirits and didn't resort to hatred towards all the Nords. They clung to those supporting them, realizing that without them, they were all alone against the might of the rebellion.
And in spite of all this, they still had it in them to drink the nights away in merriment.
"You're doing surprisingly well, n'wah. Don't even know a Dunmer who'd handle two bottles…" Ambarys smirked, taking away the second empty bottle from Bishop, before he did something stupid like smashing it again, and he promptly placed the third one in front of him.
Bishop looked a bit sick at the sight of one more entire bottle, but he put on a determined look. He missed a few times with his hand before he managed to grab the bottle and pour himself another tankard. He steadied himself a bit by wrapping his arm more firmly across the stomach of the elf sitting on his lap in her drunken state.
He was getting increasingly handsy, as usual, with his rising inebriation and as always, she mostly stopped minding that they were in public after the second tankard of the brandy.
Susanna was fitting in with the Dunmer seamlessly after the air was cleared, laughing and drinking alongside them. She looked happier than they've ever seen her. There was an hour or so when the mood got somber as they all reminisced about Narvur, but soon enough the atmosphere got cheery again.
"Should you… should you really drink that?" Aeyrin gulped at the sight of the bottle on the table before giving Bishop a long glance. He was still rather lucid, but he swayed constantly and was starting to slur his speech somewhat. His hands seemed to be everywhere on her, always pressing her closer to him, roaming under her shirt to stroke over her belly and back, his lips constantly grazing her neck somewhat clumsily. The attention actually felt pretty pleasant when she wasn't noticing any of the other patrons snickering at them.
"…be fine… pr'ncess. I want my… my r'ward…" he murmured against her skin, pushing the long blond braid aside and nipping teasingly into the nape of her neck.
She giggled at him. What did he even think he was gonna get? It wasn't as if Ambarys had some great treasure to offer him.
"An'… I want a r'ward… from you…" she could feel him grin against her neck, his hands curling over her abdomen firmly, squeezing her to him. The movement made her a little nauseous – she wasn't feeling exactly sober, but he was so warm and comfortable. And at that moment, she wasn't able to concentrate on much else than his strong arms enveloping her hungrily.
"What… kind?" she gasped as he bit into the skin of her neck again. She already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear him whisper it to her in that low voice of his.
He let out a pleased rumble into her ear, but before he could answer her, two laughing shapes interrupted them, almost crashing into the chairs at their table as they sat down heavily.
"What're you two doing? Come, drink, socialize!" Revyn laughed, almost toppling over with his chair when he started to rock on it.
"Yeah! You can do that anytime…" Susanna laughed, gesturing at the two of them before she attempted to pour more of the brandy on the table to her tankard but coming up empty. "We should do something fun! Like go outside and have a snow fight! I haven't done that since I was a child…" she giggled wistfully, her cheeks red from the alcohol.
"Can't! Curfew…" Revyn grumbled in annoyance, pawing at Bishop's bottle of sujamma. He swiftly earned a smack on his wrist. Bishop was apparently not leaving anything to chance – Ambarys might complain if he didn't drink the whole bottle himself.
"Oh… right…" Susanna sighed morosely. "Well… I don't know… let's dance or something!" she stood up, suddenly.
There was no music, but Revyn gave a wide smirk, snapping his fingers and turning his head back towards the rest of the patrons: "Ides! Luaffyn's dead. Your turn!"
He pointed towards the lute strapped to Aeyrin's pack on the ground, upon which his sister practically lunged at it. She gave Aeyrin a brief look before unfastening it, earning a giggle and a nod from the Bosmer. The last time Idesa tried to play anything it was rather disastrous. She was curious to see whether it would be any better this time.
Idesa grabbed the instrument, and crawled up on the bar, making Ambarys shake his head with a smirk. She started to strum some odd tune. It had sort of a rhythm, but it was very inconsistent and her inability to play was all too apparent. But still, the patrons seemed to enjoy it, some of them starting to dance, some making up lyrics to go along her music and some just laughing and clapping.
Susanna seemed satisfied with the result. She gave Aeyrin a sly smirk and grabbed her by the hand, yanking her away from Bishop's lap. She earned a very annoyed growl from him.
"I can't dance!" Aeyrin yelled out, almost colliding with the barmaid.
"Doesn't matter! I'll teach you," Susanna giggled. She gave Bishop an expectant look, waiting until he got up to join them.
He shook his head somewhat morosely, pointing towards the bottle of sujamma. He really didn't seem thrilled about finishing it. Or was he upset because Susanna dragged Aeyrin away from him?
"Pfft… fine… men…" Susanna scoffed and grabbed the elf beside her by the hand again, hauling her towards the center of the room.
They joined several Dunmer dancing to Idesa's tune. Susanna was swaying smoothly and rather elegantly while Aeyrin just generally tried not to fall over. She was hardly in any state to work on her ineptitude.
Susanna laughed heartily at her 'dance', taking her by the hands and attempting to guide her through some more graceful moves.
It did not help.
Aeyrin flushed in embarrassment at first, but soon enough, she noticed that no one really paid attention to them. Not only that – some of the dancing Dunmer couldn't have looked much better than her with their drunken efforts. Susanna still laughed at her, but it wasn't malicious. There was genuine joy in her eyes. The relief of finally clearing the tension and cutting loose was so palpable on her.
Aeyrin joined in her laughter. She tried to follow her moves but failed miserably all the time.
It didn't matter anymore.
It was so nice – the thoughts of the Butcher, Ulfric and the incident in Whiterun were suddenly distant memories.
She wasn't sure what time exactly it was but it was definitely the middle of the night.
The thought of this merriment going on all the way until the morning was exciting.
Aeyrin looked back towards Bishop with a gentle smile. He grinned back at her. He was obviously already watching her before she turned her gaze to him. And he seemed highly amused at her clumsy moves.
Suddenly the front door swung open.
Strange… who could that be? The curfew was already in effect.
