Need
Inside a chamber within the Halls of Healing, Obi-Wan floated inside a bacta-tank. Buffy stood beside it, the palms of her hands pressed onto the plexiglass as she stared up into Obi-Wan's face. The Jedi floated serenely in the liquid, his red-blonde hair floating about his head like a Saint's halo.
"Obi-Wan," Buffy whispered, at the same time calling out to him through their mind-link.
She waited. This time would he realise that she was calling him and awaken? It was well over a week since the attack on the Senate and Obi-Wan after his operation he hadn't regained consciousness. The Healers told her that he'd need to be in the tank for a few days. They'd said it was a miracle that he'd lived long enough for them to operate and, considering the extent of his injuries, he was healing well.
But when he didn't waken they'd become tight-lipped and silent. Unable to get the truth from them, Buffy had snooped. She'd finally overheard a conversation that made her stomach drop... there were doubts that he'd ever wake...
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and hoping that Obi-Wan might hear her, began to talk.
"Dooku has been discharged after his hip replacement. The healers are relieved as he kept shouting abuse and throwing his stick at them again. They told him he needed to take it easy at his age and he told them they were all a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears imbeciles."
Buffy went quiet, thinking of the big argument Dooku had with Qui-Gon over her. Neither had admitted they'd quarrelled about her (Qui-Gon refused to look at her, let alone talk to her), but Quin had been in the infirmary visiting Obi-Wan at the time and he'd overheard every word. He'd even heard Dooku threaten to wring Qui-Gon's 'scrawny neck' if he said a word against Buffy.
Buffy went on, "There's still no sign of Sid or the rest of the vampires. Jay thinks they must have hidden the space yacht at a private thingy because all the main ones claim that he's never been there. Jay has a lot of contacts and he's taken me with him, asking around..." her words died away as she remembered that Jay wasn't Obi-Wan's favourite person. He thought the bounty hunter had an unhealthy taste for danger and would lead Buffy into bad ways.
"Anyway," she continued, "Kardash and his brother have left for some planet on the far side of the galaxy with a promise they won't eat anyone. I think they have the demon thing under control and will keep their word." She went quiet again, running out of things to tell him. There was so much she wanted to say and couldn't.
~Obi-Wan, I need you here with me. Please come back~
"Here often, you are," Yoda's voice said from behind her.
Buffy looked in the plexiglass at Yoda's reflection. The tiny master leant on his gimmer stick, watching her from the doorway. How long had he been there? He could have been watching her since she'd come in for all she knew. Suddenly aware of the way her hands were pressed up against Obi-Wan's tank, Buffy stepped away.
Yoda hobbled slowly into the room, leaning on his stick as if he could barely walk. Buffy thought that he was over-acting. Everyone knew that the mutant chihuahua-frog could hold his own in a lightsaber duel, despite his great age.
Yoda came to stand not far from her, his eyes on Obi-Wan. "Young he is, strong too," he croaked. "Much to live for. A great future in the Jedi Order, he has."
"Hmm," agreed Buffy, absent-mindedly. Her mind once more was focussing on Obi-Wan. The bacta-fluid made his hair appear darker and the beard that he'd been threatening to grow since first meeting her now covered the lower part of his face. It made him look less like the Obi-Wan she knew and more like the one from the movies. Not that she cared about him looking like Ewan McGregor. She just wanted him awake and well again.
She needed him so much. She missed him teasing her, calling her his Chosen One, and trying to order her about as if she was his wayward padawan. Tears that were always ready to surface these past days welled up in her eyes. How could she do this on her own? The future was bleak without the man she loved.
~Wake up, Obi-Wan. I need you.~
Yoda let out a long sigh, and Buffy's eyes slid into his direction. He was always watching her. Sometimes she thought she saw sympathy in his eyes, on others suspicion. Had Qui-Gon Jinn defied Dooku and told Yoda how she'd tried healing Obi-Wan?
"Care for him, you do, hmm?"
"How could I not?" She was automatically on the defensive. "Obi-Wan has always been there to help me. He is a very kind man." She had to be careful. If Yoda realised that she'd seduced Obi-Wan Kenobi, he would throw her out of the Temple and who knew how they'd punish Obi-Wan. Andrew said that the Jedi Order might be a bunch of peace-loving, warrior monks, but they could be ruthless with any member who broke their rules.
"Forbidden to the Jedi, attachments are," said Yoda, sagely.
"Obi-Wan is attached to the Jedi Order," Buffy replied dully. Obi-Wan loved the Temple and his life within the Jedi Order.
Yoda banged his gimmer stick on the floor, her words irking him. "Meant personal attachments, I did. Twist my meaning, you shall not!"
A ghost of a smile came to Buffy's lips at his cross retort and Yoda fought to control himself. After a moment, he went on, in a voice more befitting a serene Jedi Master, "Between life and the Force, he hovers."
"Optimist you are, not," muttered Buffy softly.
Despite his advanced years, Yoda wasn't deaf. He shot her a stern look of rebuke but found the effort was wasted as she was no longer looking in his direction. Yoda took in her sadness and the way her shadowed core had grown darker since the Senate attack. She didn't look well. Yoda thought she spent an unhealthy amount of time in this room, staring at Kenobi.
The small master sighed inwardly. He'd seen many deaths over the years and seen how it affected others who'd allowed themselves to develop strong attachments. The Slayer lacked discipline and had grown overly-attached to the Jedi tasked with guarding her. He felt that, should Obi-Wan cross into the Force there'd be a strong chance Buffy would go dark.
His face stern, Yoda warned, "You fear loss too much, young one. The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side. And with the Dark Side so strong in you, an easy path it is to take."
Buffy bowed her head, with almost Jedi-like abeyance.
Yoda waited for her reply and seconds ticked by. To his dismay, Yoda realised that far from being cowed and accepting his advice, Buffy was so angry she was beyond speech. Danger crackled in the air, but Yoda ignored it, knowing he must continue with the warning.
"Young he is. Sorrow to lose him it would be. Unfortunate truth that many Jedi die in service, it is."
He leaned on his stick, looking up at Obi-Wan. "Rejoice if he transforms into the Force, mourn him, do not. Miss him, do not."
Buffy kept her head down, looking at Yoda sideways from under her lashes, rage roaring in her ears.
Yoda continued, "Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is. You must train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."
A chill descended over Yoda and, through the Force, a face came towards him. A dark-skinned, human face whitened with chalk, her eyes shadowed and predatory. Its mouth opened wide and the word 'MINE!' shook the Force.
Yoda jerked back, and the horrific vision was gone. The Force hummed around him as it had always done and there was only Buffy was in the room, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"No sign of him waking yet?" Master Mace Windu called as he entered the room.
Not trusting herself to speak, Buffy shook her head.
Mace looked from the Slayer to the Grand Master. Buffy held herself stiffly, white-lipped and close to tears. Next to her, Master Yoda was draped over his stick, his ears hanging limply on either side of his head. Mace suppressed a sigh of frustration – they'd been arguing again.
It was Buffy Mace chose to stand next to and it was on Buffy's shoulder that he placed a hand. "Try not to worry. You'll soon be back to teasing him again."
"Maybe," Buffy said, her voice thick with emotion.
Mace scanned her face. There were dark circles beneath her eyes and hollows under her cheekbones. "Have you eaten anything today?" he asked.
"Huh?" Buffy shrugged. "Oh, no. I'm not hungry."
Mace persisted, "How long is it since you ate a proper meal? Andrew told me that you are refusing to eat and spend most of the night prowling around the apartment."
"I do eat," Buffy argued, "and I don't prowl. As for Andrew..." Her mouth turned downwards. "He needs to keep his mouth shut."
But it wasn't Andrew she was mad at. It was Yoda and his insensitive comments. Rejoice if Obi-Wan dies? Mourn him not? Was this the same 'friendly' advice he'd given Anakin when he'd gone to him concerned Padmé was going to die? If it was, no wonder he'd freaked out and gone over to the Dark Side.
She continued to gaze at Obi-Wan, floating around in the stupid, baggy underwear they'd dressed him in. How could she eat when she was sick with worry? How could she sleep knowing that Obi-Wan might not live to see another day? When she did sleep, her dreams were always nightmares. She dreamed of Obi-Wan being stabbed, of him screaming and begging her to stop trying to heal him, and worse, she dreamed that he was already dead. She'd wake up, her stomach cramping with fear as great waves of panic tore through her. Some days she hardly made the bathroom in time before throwing up.
~I need you, Obi-Wan. Come back to me. ~
There was too much pain to continue carrying on. She couldn't face it without Obi-Wan.
"You need to eat, whether you feel hungry or not," Mace was saying. He gave her a gentle smile. "Let's go to the cafeteria and we'll eat together."
Buffy panicked, visualising herself with a huge plate of food and Mace watching her chew every mouthful. "Thanks, but I don't feel like company. I'll grab a sandwich and head back to my apartment." She turned for the door, knowing she'd need to collect a sandwich as Mace would check-up on her.
The two Council Masters watched her leave and were silent for a long moment. When Yoda was certain that she'd left the infirmary, he said, "Awake, he does not."
"And the longer he remains like this, the less likely he will," replied Mace, shuffling uncomfortably.
Yoda nodded. "Try to break it gently to her, I did. Darkness beckoned when I tried." The memory of the predator's face inside the Force hovered in his mind.
"It is only natural," Mace Windu went on, defending Buffy. "Buffy is very kind-hearted. She blames herself for his injury and would take the loss of Obi-Wan hard."
"Sickness and darkness all around her, there is." Yoda watched Kenobi bob up and down inside the tank. His young body healing fast, his mind a blank.
They both continued watching the red-haired knight sleeping peacefully in the bacta-tank for several minutes. Yoda realised that even if Kenobi lived, it wouldn't be the end of the problem. Buffy had grown too attached to him and as for Kenobi... he was a young knight, keen to uphold his vows, but weak.
It would be too dangerous to let their partnership continue.
When they explained it to him Kenobi would see reason. It was the Slayer he didn't trust. They couldn't send her away from the Temple, with her dark core it wouldn't be long before another Sith Lord popped up out of nowhere, trying to stake a claim. They must keep her close and it was Obi-Wan who must leave. A mission they could send him on, one where he'd be away from the Temple for a very long time.
…
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