CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE

Tonks let out a tired groan and forced her eyes open. How long had she been out? Had she even fallen asleep? And if she had, for how long? A half-hour, an hour, five hours?

She couldn't remember, which bothered her. Tonks hadn't exactly meant to pass the hell out, and she recollected at first feeling too terrified to fall asleep, thinking that she should be awake to help Remus, Norah, and Ollie in case more bloody, vicious centaurs showed up.

But it seemed like her exhaustion and aching body had won over her desire to stay awake and try to help wherever she could, though it seemed like Lupin and Norah had things under control.

She blinked as she slowly sat up and took in her unfamiliar surroundings, raking her fingers through her hair as she forced her mind to try to un-muddle itself from her hazy fog of sleep. She frowned, not sure if she felt safe or not.

Or what had happened, and it occurred to her that as she was doing what she always did whenever she was nervous and needed to think, as she carded her fingers through her thick hair, that it was a different color this morning. Tonks furrowed her brows in a frown as she glanced down at her outfit.

Someone, hopefully, Norah, had changed her clothes in the middle of the night, and now she was dressed in a long-sleeved black button-down blouse and a pair of black-wash skinny jeans and black boots, and her hair this morning was a luscious chocolate brown color, wavy, and cascaded loosely in soft, gentle, face-framing layers to her shoulders.

Tonks's frown deepened, and she became confused at the change in her appearance this morning. She must have done it to herself in sleep but…why?

For what purpose? And when? Tonks let out a tired sigh and twirled a lock of dark chocolate wavy hair in her fingers to twist it while she pondered her new appearance.

Normally, she didn't mind changing her appearance on a whim, though involuntarily like this had come as a bit of a shock to her.

Tonks heard herself cough once to clear her throat, and Ollie glanced up from where he sat resting against the bark of an old elm tree, absently preening his fingernails.

He furrowed a quizzical brow in his best friend's way, no doubt have noticed the confused look on Dora's face, and Tonks watched, feeling somewhat relieved, as her best friend relaxed in a wide and bright smile, and his cobalt blue eyes twinkled playfully.

"Relax, T, you're all right. Nothing happened," he reassured, wincing as he uncrossed his legs and rose with a stiff groan to stand up, bringing Tonks a plate of what looked like scrambled eggs. "Here. Eat these. Your Lupin made them, says I'm to make you eat all of it or he'll jinx me with a Bat-Bogey Hex. As for your hair, love, well…you can blame me for this one, Tonks. Not Norah. I suggested you change your appearance while you slept with my…abilities," he confessed, a pained look in his eyes as he gave his head a tap. "It was my idea, Tonks," he murmured under his breath.

Ollie cast a somewhat distrustful and suspicious glance the young blonde werewolf's way, who was in the midst of eating her own breakfast and conversing with Remus about something, though both their tones were too low for her to make it out.

Sensing that Tonks was still confused as to the sudden change, he lowered his voice to a whisper.

"Why?" Tonks pressed, continuing to twirl with a lock of her dark chocolate hair, not really caring that she looked different this morning, or that Norah had changed her clothes, at least they were comfortable, but wanting to know the reason behind it.

"Because we're venturing into the centaurs' territories even further, and Norah is going to be the one to deal with their leader, Astelos. She says you had a run-in with him?"

Ollie smirked and found it difficult to repress his eye-rolling as he watched Tonks's face flush bright pink with shame and embarrassment as visions of the centaur who'd held the knife to her throat flashed in front of the young witch's mind, the very same creature who had ordered and led the attack on the abduction of Dolores Jane Umbridge herself.

Tonks made a non-committal noise that sounded like a grunt at the back of her throat, though she offered no verbal reply, she could tell by the concentrated look on Ollie's face and his furrowed dark brows that the Legilimens was reading her mind.

Ollie snorted and shook his head to clear it, and Tonks was finally able to tear her gaze away from her best friend for a moment as his abilities slowly left him as he forced his mind to focus on other things that Tonks's interpersonal thoughts of those vicious brutes.

"Because Astelos, if I'm getting his bloody name right, is smarter than he looks and is going to recognize you from earlier if you walk into his territory with your love of dark pinks and purples, but I think if you use your Metamorphing abilities to look…like this, then we might stand a chance at getting Umbridge back and he won't recognize you," he mumbled, a pink blush of his own creeping along his cheeks as he gestured wildly with his hands towards Tonks's new natural look, his gaze lingering on her wavy hair, and for a moment, his lips parted open in shock as he stared at his best friend, unable to help it.

He knew Tonks preferred vibrant colored hairstyles but seeing her like this was….

Really something. Even after all this time, and the several years of knowing Dora since their first year of Hogwarts, Ollie Brennan still felt too nervous to eye her for long.

His round, unblinking blue eyes darted from Tonks to the forest floor beneath their boots, but there was no denying the fact that his best friend was a gorgeous woman.

And for just a fleeting moment, he could not help but feel jealous of Lupin, who, he could practically feel the older man's slightly suspicious glower burning a hole in the back of his skull as Ollie watched over Tonks, making sure she ate her scrambled eggs.

The pink sunrise as another day slowly but surely crept over the horizon framed her beautifully, which only made the young witch and Auror look much more ethereal.

A warm feeling rested in his heart as he gazed at Tonks, who remained completely and thankfully oblivious towards Ollie's feelings as she was focused on eating breakfast.

His heart sank and his stomach turned and twisted as he pondered over that thought. Ollie knew that he was holding onto a fool's dream, that she'd see him that way.

Why should she, when she was due to marry him and bear his son or daughter currently growing within her belly?

Ollie felt the hairs on the back of his neck bristle, though he swallowed down hard past the lump in his throat, thinking that he needed to let her go, though he felt like he couldn't.

As much as he needed to, Ollie couldn't.

He ached when he saw Dora's bright white smile. Ollie wanted it to be directed towards him. For him. Because of him. He wanted to be the one to bring her joy, not him.

Be the source of those lit grey eyes and dimpled cheeks, that white, kind smile that always, and even now as she noticed him staring at her, made his heart pound against his chest.

Ollie, throughout the years of their friendship, had watched Tonks bring so much happiness to those around her, and she didn't even realize the effect she had on people.

Feel the warmth she'd given him. He'd taught her how to find beauty in a cruel world. Tonks tried so hard to do well. She worked so damned bloody hard, harder than any other witch Ollie had ever met in his entire, miserable, wretched existence, really.

She fought for every step, even if it wasn't always in the right direction. She wanted to fly and now she was soaring with Remus Lupin as her soon-to-be-husband.

And there was a big part of Ollie that felt afraid for Tonks. That she'd crash, and that Ollie would have to watch it happen to her all over again. He ached to think there was no way for him to help her if she did. He still watched over Tonks. Like right now.

Or even earlier, in her sleep, he'd used his Occlumency skills and tried his hardest to probe into Tonks's mind and send her peaceful images to help her avoid nightmares.

He still watched her. Sometimes, especially right now, it became a source of guilt. If he had no place in Tonks's life anymore, then why did he still follow her around like this? If Tonks noticed, Ollie was scared of what she'd think of him, like really think of him.

And if…if she knew the truth of his feelings, she wouldn't want to be his friend.

He'd never been heartbroken before. For that, Ollie was sometimes glad he knew she wouldn't. They could never be together. Not like that. It was probably a good thing.

If he told her the truth, if they…talked, Ollie wondered what Dora would think of him. That's what scared him the most, that this relationship, this friendship, the bond they shared, everything would change.

Sometimes, he wondered what would have happened if he would have stayed away from her during Transfiguration the first day of class. Maybe it would be better if Ollie had let Tonks fade from his life, back out of it as she'd never been there.

But he couldn't. He couldn't let this witch go. Not now. So, perhaps against his better judgment, here Ollie sat, watching Tonks finish her eggs.

He knew that to develop an unattainable desire was not at all wise, far from it, really. Ollie knew it when they started.

But he had to keep on moving, and put his feelings for Tonks aside, because it was obvious to him, judging by the ring she wore on her finger, and the affectionate little glances she and Lupin kept shooting each other, that was how it was supposed to be, that Tonks did not care for him in the way that he hoped.

But still, the ache wouldn't fade.

Ollie let out a sigh and hesitantly lifted his slightly shaking hand to hers. After a moment, he finally met Tonks's much smaller hand and drew in a sharp breath that pained his lungs as he squeezed his eyes shut, grinding his teeth.

He wasn't even aware of what was happening to him until he heard her gasp. His eyes flung open and he stared, gawking slightly, at the simple beautiful white lily now outstretched in the palm of his hand, pristine and perfect. Such a delicate thing.

Their fingers brushed slightly from the simple interaction as he gave the flower he'd conjured nonverbally to his best friend in the hopes he could lighten her mood, though it was obvious by the startled look on Tonks's face, neither of them had expected the sudden touch between the two friends, and neither did Lupin or Norah, who noticed. Remus's brows were furrowed in a suspicious frown, though he said nothing.

Good, thought Ollie meanly because nothing was going to stop this. Absolutely nothing.

He heard Tonks let out a hiss as she pulled her fingers back quickly, though she did not hesitate to take the simple lily in the palm of her hand and finger it tenderly.

Tonks's blue-eyed partner glanced from Tonks back to the flower in her hand, parting his lips to speak. "T...For you," he murmured, trying his hardest to ignore the light blush speckling along his cheeks before turned away and grinding his teeth in annoyance.

He needed to cut this out. Tonks wasn't his, and never could be his. Not like that.

Tonks blinked, and then glanced down at the flower in her hand before closing her eyes, furrowing her brows in concentration, and Ollie was surprised to see Tonks's soft display of nonverbal magic as the gentle lily floated into the air above her head for a moment, before perching itself almost delicately so right behind her ear, which set off the dark chocolate hues of her new simple hairstyle.

"Well?" she teased. "How does it look?" She smiled kindly at Ollie and glanced down at her lap, all while carefully brushing a lock of her dark brown hair back behind her ear, careful not to upend the little lily.

Ollie froze, biting the inside wall of his cheek, well aware he could feel both Lupin and Norah staring at him, and he flinched as Lupin rose from his perch on the log near the campfire and moved to sit next to Tonks, almost possessively so, like a dog protecting his prized bone.

He almost sneered, though Ollie stopped himself. It wasn't Remus's fault. Beautiful, Ollie said, using his skills in Legilimency to convey what he wanted to say and wanting to keep the moment shared between himself and his friend quite private.

Tonks nodded, though she did not offer up a verbal response, telling Ollie everything that he needed to know. That his best friend heard his words and listened.

"Thank you, Ol," she murmured, letting out a sigh as Lupin draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer, and she rested her head on the crook of his shoulder.

Ollie nodded, thinking that Tonks was really pulling out all the stops today, wasn't she? First with her new hairstyle that he had, in a moment of selfishness suggested to her subconsciousness, knowing that Tonks had always balked at natural hair colors, especially the rich chocolate brown that made her resemble her mother, Andromeda, or her aunt, Bellatrix, though Ollie had always thought Tonks's natural hair, as it was right now, gorgeous.

This was the Tonks that he knew and loved, the version that he had fallen in love during their sixth year at Hogwarts.

The version of herself that the young witch tried so hard to repress and hide, by changing her hair by tending to favor the wild, vibrant colors as a means of distancing herself from the Black side of her ancestry.

There was a warmth her brown hair brought to her features, a simple frame for that smile and eyes that held more love than she would ever admit to.

The hue altered as the strands curled and moved, as free as autumn leaves playing in the day shine. Her hair was a lovely whisky, the color of fallen leaves browned and sleek with the first rain of autumn.

How such a tint could play with the light, like peering at the sun through a jar of pine honey.

There is beauty in every color of hair, even the greatly despised "mousey brown." That subdued earthy tone was like a song softly played, bringing him to recollections of autumn.

He knew some witches had hair with brighter tones, inflections of vibrant red or gold streaks that catch the sunlight, he loved those too.

But Merlin's green earth herself has a beauty not to be ignored and to wear the color of her soils was an honor, not a misfortune, and it was that selfish reason alone that he had asked Tonks while she slept to look like this.

To look upon her as she was, naturally, not hiding behind the mask that she wore for others, and he could tell that, while her partner, Lupin, was surprised by the change, even Ollie could tell the werewolf appreciated the change, as the man reached back and brushed a lock of her dark brown shoulder-length hair off of Tonks's shoulders.

Ollie could not even to this day fathom what pulled him towards her presence. Tonks was like a magnet, her polarity still going strong, and he felt gravitated towards her. All his life and even now he was judged for what he was.

A Slytherin, coming from a family of snakes in the night, an entire group of Death Eaters. But not Ollie, the black sheep of the family, who'd adamantly refused to serve under Lord Voldemort's thumb.

They had tried to plead their case, insisting he would want for nothing, the master dueler that he was, that he had a natural talent for dueling in addition to his Occlumency.

The former Slytherin had defied his family and was disowned in his fifth year as a result. He'd gone to live with Tonks and her parents, having nowhere else to go.

This beautiful, compassionate witch saw him for what Ollie really was.

A strong, sensitive, caring man who happened to be more comfortable with a wand in his hand than around women.

He emanated a tense exhale as he recognized his presence, for the moment, at least, was no longer needed, and he furrowed his brows in a frown as he turned away.

What could a guy like me ever really offer? Why should I even bother with her?

Shoving his hands and balling them into fists in the pockets of his set of thick woolen black robes to keep from striking out at something in anger, he let out a sigh and walked away.

"I'm…going to get some air," he grumbled, hardly aware of the blonde She-Wolf watching him, her blue eyes meeting his own with a sense of critical interest.

"In the forest? Oh, yeah, kid, because fresh air in the Forbidden Forest is so hard to come by," Norah scoffed, her gaze briefly flitting towards the dense canopy above her.

Ollie bristled, fully tempted to tell the thirty-year-old witch to quit calling him kid, he was twenty-six, and only four years younger than she was, not a kid, he was an adult and was half of a mind to embarrass the werewolf in front of the others by telling Lupin and Tonks her dark secret. That she did, in her own way, find him kind of cute.

But he didn't. He couldn't. "Whatever," he heard himself grumble in a dark voice laced with a sense of bitterness and jealousy that did not sound like himself at all. Not a bit. Ollie didn't even have to glance behind him to sense that Tonks was hurt right now.

And she would blame herself for what he was feeling, whatever…whatever that was. He didn't even know himself, and he thought he really needed to sort this thing out.

Soon too if the looks that Remus Lupin was currently shooting him were any indication. Ollie let out a tired sigh and froze when Remus murmured something in Tonks's ear, whispering into the shell of her beautiful ear before he rose to his feet.

Ollie inwardly groaned. He really did not want to deal with Lupin. Not right now. "I…" he started to say, though Brennan fell silent when Lupin held up his hand.

"There's no need. I wondered if you and I could speak in private a moment? Not to worry, Miss Jameson," Remus added, no doubt having noticed the young blonde's pointed ears perk up in interest and her nose give a little twitch as she rested against the elm tree. "We won't be long and then…whatever you wanted to say to him in private, you can…"

Norah's eyes widened, and her lips parted open to speak, and Ollie barely repressed his snort of amusement. Lupin wasn't even a Legilimens like he was, but the unspoken words must have lingered in the young blonde's brilliant blue eyes, for she furrowed her brows into a frown and nodded, biting down on her bottom lip in anger.

The She-Wolf quickly composed herself and folded her arms across her chest, though not before offering Ollie a curt, and somewhat suggestive wink.

"Fine, Lupin, but don't take too long. We've got maybe a few more hours to rest before we'll have to get moving, and..other things seem to be on your mind this morning. I don't want the centaurs catching up to us. There's a good chance they know," she added, a dark look overcoming her features.

Ollie didn't even have to read Norah Jameson's mind to tell the she-werewolf was thinking of the ones she'd killed.

Ollie smiled, and Norah almost startled at the simple but kind enough gesture.

Her heart fluttered unexpectedly as Ollie's white smile caught Norah by surprise. The kid really did look better when he smiled and wasn't so miserable and mopey all the time.

He simply nodded to her and allowed Lupin to lead Ollie slightly away from the campsite, but not so far off the beaten path that Norah and Tonks couldn't see them at all.

A hesitant smile played on Norah's features, the edges of her lips curling upwards. The kid's smile was kind of contagious, she'd give Mr. Brennan that much, at the least.

Norah thought it kind of strange how she'd known the younger man a total of a day at best, maybe a day and a half, it was hard to keep track the passage of time in this bloody Forest, even for her, who'd lived most of her damn life in this wretched place.

Less than a day, and already, Tonks's new friend was already leaving an impression on her. As the time had passed, the overwhelmed man and Obscurus was slowly finding it easier to look upon Norah for more extended periods of time.

Huh. What a guy, Norah thought to herself in amusement as she leaned against the tree, one leg crossed over the other, ignoring the questioning look that Tonks was giving her as she eyed her friend.

Ollie risked one more glance back over at Norah Jameson, intrigued by her sudden interest. He could sense the first few times he had dipped into the young blonde's mind, unbeknownst to Tonks, for he knew the Auror would give him seven shades of holy hell about it if she knew what he had done while he'd watched the blonde She-Wolf sleep this morning before the sun rose, that Jameson carried a deep hurt and immense pain within herself.

Though her business was hers. Ollie jumped and glanced at Tonks the second he heard her voice inside his head, giving him one last piece of advice as he allowed Lupin to lead him away, wondering if the werewolf meant to kill him right now.

A surprisingly gentle breeze blew through the clearing around them. It felt cool and inviting, refreshing to Ollie's shattered spirit and frayed nerves. He could not help but get the sinking feeling in his churning stomach that Lupin was about to warn him.

To stay away from Tonks, or else… Or else, what? He would kill him, then?

Don't let Remus intimidate you, Ollie, Tonks warned, squeezing her eyes shut, though when she opened them, Lupin and Ollie were nowhere in her line of sight.

Ollie sighed through his nose and nodded, glancing at Tonks before returning his attention to the young blonde thirty-year-old, whose expression had softened just slightly.

Enough for him to notice. He watched as Norah deepened her lean against the bark of the tree that she was seeking shade under, her inquisitive, sharp blue eyes never leaving him.

The surprised man blinked hard and fast as his blush deepened as their eyes met and their gazes locked. He was well aware he knew Jameson thought he was cute.

But…he knew…she was stopping him from acting on it. Until he could put Tonks behind him, he couldn't do that to Norah. To use her like that to his advantage.

It wouldn't be fair. To her or himself. He huffed in frustration, feeling like his heart was thrumming and hammering against his chest, though whether out of a sense of strange elatedness that another witch thought he was handsome, which never happened.

All his life, he was scorned for what he was. A Dark Wizard. But for some reason, this blonde She-Wolf did not see him as such.

His damned heart beat so loudly within the confines of his chest that he was surprised Norah couldn't hear it, and he took a hitched breath as he pulled his gaze away.

If Lupin noticed Ollie's sudden discomfort as he led him further down the side path, then Remus made no mention of hearing it at all.

No matter how long he gazed back at Jameson, the former Slytherin and broken man could not find a single strand of distaste, fear, or skittishness in her bright blue eyes.

His head felt like it was spinning and reeling from all the blood rushing to his cheeks. He really needed a moment, though it seemed Fate, that cruel bastard, had a different kind of a 'moment' in mind for him.

Mainly, one alone with Tonks's fiancé.

Great. That wasn't particularly a conversation he was looking forward to having. No doubt the man was about to unload and unleash a series of claims that were all his fault.

"I'll uh…see you…in a second?" Ollie grumbled, moving to step forward to follow Lupin, addressing Norah and Tonks simultaneously, but was tripped by his cloak.

He would have fallen had Lupin not shot out an arm to catch him. Yet another thing he owed the man for, Ollie thought, disgruntled. He hated owing Lupin anything.

Norah, for her part, held back a tiny snort as she watched the blue-eyed tall man stumble over his words, and himself as well, though a small part of her found it charming.

She pressed her cheek into her palm, an affectionate smile snaking its way onto her pale face. Norah could have sworn, not paying attention as Tonks rose from her spot on the log and moved to stand next to Norah, that Ollie Brennan looked back at her.

Hell of a start to this day, Ollie grumbled darkly to himself internally as he followed Remus, not sure what the man wanted of him or what kind of dialogue the two were about to have as words were sure to be exchanged, though he sensed it wasn't going to be pleasant.

Unbeknownst to him, the young blonde werewolf watching them go had the same thought, feeling rather flustered and not at all like herself.

What a morning… Norah thought to herself before turning back around to join Tonks at the campfire, not knowing that Tonks was thinking the exact same thing as them.


A/N: What do you guys think of Tonks's new look? :D I kind of always wanted to address her Metamorphing as a way that she hides behind her abilities as a sort of facade, wanting to hide how much she looks like her mother/Bellatrix, but also I want her to be able to be comfortable in her own skin.

Though there is a method to Ollie's madness in regards to Tonks changing her appearance, it's not all just for him and it comes up later in a future chapter . :)

Will Lupin be furious with Ollie, or will the two men be able to come to a reconciliation regarding each other's feelings for Tonks? And how do you think Ollie will inevitably react to the news that Tonks and Remus's wedding is happening much sooner than he thought?!?

Coming up in Ch. 86 :)