CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX
Ollie wasn't exactly sure that he would ever fully get used to not hearing Master Crouch's screaming voice in his eardrums, or on those relatively short occasions where Crouch had been in a good mood, the dry, uncaring voice that filled his wretched ears.
How people like Remus Lupin and Norah Jameson now looked at him like he was 'normal', just like any other witch or wizard they might pass by in the streets of Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade.
Given that most of the world, at least the limited view while he'd been trapped inside of Crouch's estate, only knew him as the Obscurus, this felt…strange.
To be free. To sleep underneath an open sky, no walls, no prison cages. To be able to walk through Hogwarts the moment they got out of this damned bloody cursed Forbidden Forest as a free man was positively exhilarating, just the thought of it.
The former Slytherin student and Nymphadora Tonks's former partner flushed as Lupin paused, finally deeming the two men a safe enough distance away from whatever was about to transpire between the older man and the younger.
Ollie bit the wall of his cheek and frowned. He had hoped by this point in their relatively short, what, week and a half of knowing one another, if even that, the two men could have worked aside their bloody differences.
His heart still wrenched painfully and pounded against the confines of his chest when he thought of the thirty-five-year-old werewolf now standing in front of him with an unusually nervous and somewhat apprehensive expression on his handsome but prematurely lined face touching Tonks, kissing her, the way he wanted to, well, this caused resentment to well as putrid black vile deep within his wretched heart.
"This is far enough," Remus spoke up in a voice that sounded uncharacteristically cold, and Ollie stiffened, biting the inside wall of his cheek. "You and I need to talk."
Ollie merely grunted by way of verbal response. No, I don't think we do, he thought inwardly, feeling grateful, at the very least, that Dora's new partner was not a Legilimens.
He had nothing to say to this werewolf in front of him. What would he even say that he was jealous of Lupin? That he had the one thing in life Ollie never would? He offered the werewolf a light shrug of his shoulders.
He recognized he needed to at least humor the Wolf. "Sure," he growled, recognizing almost immediately that his tone sounded curt. Cold and uninviting.
And Tonks, it was bloody hard to believe by Merlin's Beard, was in love with this man. Was having a baby with this man in front of him. Ollie flinched, clearing his throat, and trying again, resting against the bark of a tree.
Lupin scowled, knitting his brows together in quandary and frowning as he contemplated how to phrase whatever was on his mind. Ollie didn't even have to dip into his mind to know for a fact what was on Remus Lupin's mind: Him stealing Tonks.
"I just think you'll want to hear what I have to say, Mr. Brennan," Lupin began, somewhat hesitantly, though Ollie thought it was strange when the man began to talk.
No, I really think that I won't, Ollie thought bitingly, grinding his teeth, recognizing he was allowing his resentment and bitterness to get the better of him now.
Though he reluctantly found himself unfolding his arms across his chest and let out a sigh as he rested against the bark of an old elm tree for shade, waiting for him to talk, to say his piece, and silently praying to Merlin that whatever words of venom Remus John Lupin was about spout at him here in a second would be over with relatively soon.
Lupin appeared apprehensive and extremely hesitant for a moment or two, before he evidently found his words, and began to speak, his gaze directly and fixed solely on Ollie, never once averting his eyes, no matter how uncomfortable Lupin was becoming. "You know that Tonks, Dora, and I are getting married, Mr. Brennan, right?"
Ollie nodded, though it felt as though it had become difficult for him to breathe, feeling something within his chest tighten and constrict, cutting off the air to his passages. "I—I do," he heard himself croak out in a hoarse and quiet voice.
Ollie had sworn, promised himself, that he would not interfere in Tonks's life when the time came, as he inevitably knew that it would, though he hadn't anticipated it to be so bloody soon.
Though he had not anticipated Dora's new partner, this Wolf would do something quite like this. Ollie had hoped that the two of them would have worked out their differences at this point.
He thought that, given everything that happened, how Remus Lupin had thanked him just last night for being there to save Tonks's life from the centaur, that they had.
But he guessed not, not if Remus Lupin would truly demand of him he stays away. Would this werewolf truly be such a vicious bastard, so cruel as to deny him the single pleasure that his wretched and otherwise miserable life held? Of Dora's pure friendship?
He wouldn't…would he? Ollie wondered, furrowing his brows in a light frown, and glowering at Remus.
Would he really demand Ollie to stay away from his best friend from now once the two of them were married? And what the hell was he going to do?
Should he speak up right here and now where he stood, and ruin this thing for Tonks, when he had (begrudgingly) come to terms with the fact that she loved another man that wasn't him? No. He couldn't do that to her. Ollie knew couldn't be selfish in that way.
He'd agree to whatever it was that Lupin asked of him. For Tonks, he told himself.
"I'm aware, Mr. Lupin," Ollie heard himself sigh in a tired-sounding, hoarse voice. "Is Dora, I...I mean Tonks, is she aw—aware of your—your plans?" he murmured, ignoring Lupin's surprised and flushed face as the werewolf's lips parted open slightly in outraged shock.
"You read my mind?" Lupin asked incredulously, though he paused when Ollie shot him a furtive, guilty look and shrugged his shoulders in a somewhat nonchalant way.
"I can't help it, Mr. Lupin. I can't…shut the voices out. I wish that I could, but I—I can't. But you didn't answer my question. I know you sent a Patronus to someone back at the castle this morning before Tonks woke up. Do you mean to marry her today? And does Tonks know of your plans? If she doesn't, she will," Ollie snapped, his temper rising, fully prepared to communicate in his impossible telepathy to Dora of this man's plans.
Lupin nodded, no semblance of guilt or remorse in his eyes at his secrecy.
"In an hour, Ollie, as a matter of fact. She will in a few moments. I asked Norah to tell her while you and I sort this out and help her. The Patronus that I sent back to the castle was intended for the Headmaster. Professor Dumbledore has graciously agreed to officiate. He'll meet us here in the forest, along with a few others. Our friends and immediate family. I hope, and I know that Tonks wants you by her side during the ceremony," Remus said, murmuring his words in a lowly voice, still looking surprised that Ollie had accidentally read his mind and learned of his intentions. "It should come as no surprise to you, but given everything that's happened the last few days, I don't want to delay our wedding anymore, Mr. Brennan. I want to marry Tonks before anything else happens in this Forest to her or to me," he growled, a note of bitterness in his voice, and Ollie didn't even have to dip into the man's mind to know he thought of the centaurs and of Master Crouch. "And…I wanted to speak with you about it beforehand."
Ollie cringed, grinding his teeth, and lowering his gaze to the forest floor and stared at his boots, not willing to meet Lupin's hardened gaze. He knew this was coming. Here it was.
The demand to stay away from Tonks following their ceremony in an hour or two. And he could do nothing and would do nothing to stop it from happening to him. He drew in a sharp breath that pained his lungs as he cringed as Remus spoke up.
"I just…wanted to ask your feelings on this, Mr. Brennan," Lupin softly admitted, somewhat begrudgingly and uncomfortably. Ollie lifted his gaze and studied the werewolf's reaction. Judging by the face Lupin was currently making, it was evident that he was not enjoying the discussion, though admittedly, this was…not something he had expected at all of Remus.
Why should the werewolf care how he felt about all of this?
"What?" It was all he could manage to say as Ollie blinked owlishly at him. Had he heard the man correctly? Was this all a joke, a horrible trick at his expense?
Was that it? Ollie could not help but stare at Remus, who flushed and sighed.
"Me and…Dora…." Remus murmured, blowing out a breath as he uttered the young witch's name. "I know that you're her best friend, Ollie. I know that. I don't need you or Tonks to tell me to see it. We want you both to be in her life. I am not asking you to…to leave once she and I are married. What kind of husband and partner would I be to her if I were to impose that on you?" he demanded, his light brown eyes narrowing.
Ollie didn't know what to say that. His cracked lips parted slightly, though no words came out, though he tried, he was much too stunned into silence to speak.
Lupin continued, raking his hands through his thick tuft of light brown hair flecked with bits of gray, seemingly wanting to put an end to their conversation and quickly just as much as Ollie was. "I can see how much you care for Tonks, Ollie. I know that you care for her, but I would be remiss if I did not bring this up, however uncomfortable it is for both of us. I just want to be sure there's going to be no…"
It must have been difficult for him, Ollie surmised, because Remus seemed to struggle with his phrasing for a solid minute, at least.
The werewolf paused here as his voice trailed off hesitantly, wanting to find the right word. "…difficult feelings between the two of us, Mr. Brennan. You're Dora's best friend, and I know that she cares for you deeply. Probably more than she would ever care to admit. She was willing and did kill that centaur for you in order to protect you. She—she wasn't thinking about herself when she did it. She was only concerned about your own well-being. And I don't want to put her through the trials of a feuding best friend and husband, Ollie. That's why I brought you all the way out here, to talk as friends, I hope. I want to be sure there are no hard feelings and to be absolutely clear and straight with you since I'm marrying her in less than an hour. Will you hate me if I marry Tonks, Ollie?" Remus asked, feeling uncomfortable.
Words left Ollie. The younger man stared into those light and bright brown eyes burning with uncertainty, and maybe a bit of anger too, and Ollie's heart fell silent.
"Answer me, Ollie," Remus commanded in a clipped and curt tone, though Ollie couldn't will his lips to move. As if stuck underwater, everything felt slow and warbled.
His mind felt blank and his blue eyes wide as he stared at Lupin in horror. The older man's brown eyes desperately searched his…waiting for Ollie to say something.
He just had to say something! Ollie searched his mind for something reasonable to say, wracking his brain as he struggled to formulate an apt response to his question. It felt to poor Ollie as though his mind were reeling, and he squeezed his eyes shut trying to drown out the voices of his best friend and the blonde She-Wolf nearby, who were within a close enough proximity distance-wise he could still hear their thoughts.
The blonde Wolf was helping Tonks to try to conjure a suitable dress that was fit enough for a forest ceremony, while Tonks was wondering what to do with her shoes.
You CANNOT get married in combat boots, Tonks, Norah was saying to her. Or thinking it, rather. Absolutely not. People typically only get married once. I won't let you ruin the biggest day of your life by wearing combat boots with your dress. Nope. You're wearing these shoes. You just have to break them in, Tonks! Wear. Them.
Tonks, on the other hand, held a different view. Just watch me, Jameson. If it's a long dress, nobody's going to see or care. I'm not wearing heels, Merlin's Beard, no way. Besides, if Rem would have told me this was what he wanted to do, I might have had a little more time to prepare but…I guess we can always have a bigger party later on…
Frustrated, Ollie flung his eyes open and heaved a heavy sigh. This was happening in less than an hour, whether he liked it or not. He was just going to have to accept that.
Ollie bit the inside wall of his cheek and then his tongue, tasting the tang of metallic iron and copper on his palate, and he realized he'd bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood. A thousand thoughts flitted through his troubled mind that he could give to the werewolf.
Many answers that could spit out of his mouth, Ollie thought, troubled. This man standing in front of him was set to marry the only woman he had ever dared to love.
This man standing in front of him now was having a child, a beautiful daughter or son, with the only woman that he had ever dared to love, and for a split second, Ollie did not think that he could live with that, that it would be better off for all three of them if he were to Disapparate right here and now from this forest and leave.
Just…fling himself off the edge of a cliff's ravine and drown himself in the sea. As Ollie clenched his teeth and for a moment, allowed the baser, vile parts of his personality to take over, to allow that green-eyed monster they called Jealousy and Envy to consume him, he wanted to deny the werewolf in front of him of a happy marriage with Tonks.
A simple love, the joys of becoming parents to the baby currently growing inside Tonks's belly…this werewolf, this accursed plague on society, did not, in Ollie's mind, deserve a simple life. What if the day would come when Lupin bit her during a cycle?
What then? And their baby, what of the child?! Would it be born like its father? Had Lupin condemned Nymphadora to a life of scorn and ridicule, simply because of it?
Because he, just as Ollie couldn't, manage to stay well the hell away from Tonks. Remus Lupin's life, compared to Ollie's, years of scorn throughout his Hogwarts years as a Slytherin student, coming from a long ancestral line where the men were all Death Eaters, and then as a prisoner of Barty Crouch Jr.'s for the last several years of his life, had been relatively simple, and Ollie decided that he hated this werewolf for that. Hated him.
Jealousy ripped its way through the confines of Ollie's chest and tore at the feeble corded muscle that was his heart, ripping through him with more force than an Unforgiveable Curse, though in his mind, the Cruciatus or even the Killing Curse would be a mercy to him right now. No, he wouldn't despise Remus for marrying Tonks.
He already loathed him, hated the man's guts where he stood, because Lupin had everything that Ollie had ever wanted, and in little less than an hour, they would marry, and the deal was solidified that Ollie would never have Tonks, not in the way that he wanted. He'd never touch her, kiss her, laugh with her as his husband, cry with her…
And…and…then… Ollie emanated a tense exhale through his nose as his raging thoughts, that swirling dark vortex of terror, immediately spiraled to a complete standstill.
A scattered sigh managed to escape his cracked lips, as the thought of his young, beautiful best friend in his otherwise desolate and crap life being someone else's wife flashed in his vivid memory, and their wedding hadn't even happened yet.
"I…I…" Ollie's voice came out in stammers as still, the younger man struggled to find his words. The recollection of Tonks's bright smile only moments ago when he'd given her the simple lily danced in the back of his mind.
If he focused long enough, he could swear he heard her laugh as she and Norah were in the middle of conversing about something. As though she were standing right next to him.
The memory of Nymphadora Tonks, as though he hadn't seen her in ages when in reality, it had been less than two minutes ago, almost resembled that of one of the oil paintings in the Grand Staircase.
As the warm pinks of the early morning sun shone through the thick canopy of trees and danced through her dark pink hair.
How her white smile had laced over her face with such a sweetness, that he was sure no other witch on this world held such a smile.
How her serene gray eyes drenched his memory until he thought he'd drown. Ollie never could have guessed in a million years that his best friend would invoke these strange and unfamiliar feelings, yet, here he was, broken, scarred, and beaten down. But still feeling.
It held, after years of captivity in Crouch's home, a foreign but at the same time familiar sense to it, like a distant fond memory, he was only just recollecting.
Though something within him still violently fought against these feelings for her. The feeling was light and breathless, causing his chest to constrict tightly and his throat to hollow and cut off air to his passageways, but underneath it, something dark stirred.
Wishing Remus Lupin an unhappy marriage to Tonks, that they divorced. That's what this 'wrong' feeling was. He felt wrong, and the snake-like voice that taunted poor Ollie at the back of his mind constantly reminded him why he'd been sorted in Slytherin.
Do you honestly think the Auror could love a broken, misshapen wreck like you? It laughed at him, and the voice sounded entirely too much like Master Crouch's for his comfort.
Ollie violently shook his head to clear it, not caring if the gesture earned a raised eyebrow from Lupin in the process. This was wrong, what he was feeling for Tonks. It had to be wrong. How could he look at another man's soon-to-be-wife like this, then?
What would Dora say to you, Brennan, if she saw you like this? Though this time, instead of hearing Master Crouch as the snakelike voice in his mind, the voice was his own.
The question swirled around in his pounding skull until he thought it might burst.
As the thick, uncomfortable silence around the pair of wizards thickened, an abrupt bitterness seeped into his churning stomach until Ollie thought he might get sick.
Remus. Remus was the reason that Tonks did not return Ollie's affections. If only…if only I'd gotten to her first, then I might have had a shot… he thought, feeling a lump forming in his throat as his breaths stuttered, hitching in his throat, a relatively poor attempt to calm himself.
No. He shook his head violently as he felt himself attempt to dismiss these incriminating thoughts. Ollie could not, would not blame this werewolf.
Especially not for something that he wasn't exactly responsible for. The heart wants what it wants, in the end, and Ollie's wanted Dora's heart to belong to him alone.
And it wasn't meant to be. Ollie blinked, his eyes widening as he realized that Dora was his best friend. And he could not continue to be so selfish. It would kill her.
He could not put the woman he loved through this. It wasn't right of him. But he could, however, put the werewolf through this.
Ollie let out a sigh, biting down on the inside wall of his cheek, making a visible show of choosing his words very carefully.
When he spoke to Remus at last, having found his inner resolve and strength to put this well behind him once and for all, his voice was soft, and he spoke slowly, speaking as a man who had only learned just how, and he was surprised at how hoarse he was.
Though, given again, years of abuse at Crouch's hand, Ollie had stayed completely mute for the better part of two years, refusing to tell Crouch a Merlin-damned thing of her.
"I want Tonks…" Ollie began, his cobalt-blue eyes flickering up to regard Remus. Oh, this part was the absolute truth. He wanted Dora. Yes, he wanted her, and the look of anger and shock on the werewolf's lined face was almost worth his cold words.
Ollie repressed his urge to smirk and roll his eyes at Tonks's fiancé's growing look of anger within his light brown eyes as they darkened, and the man's posture stiffened.
"I want Tonks to be happy, Remus."
And this statement was even truer as it left his mouth.
"Even if…even if I'm not the one to make that happen for Dora, Lupin."
Whatever Remus had been expecting Ollie to say next, this clearly was not it, for his hardened expression softened and his light brown eyes widened a moment in shock.
"You mean this? You're not lying to me by saying what you think I want to hear?" he asked, somewhat incredulously as he regarded Ollie, still with a suspicious and slightly distrustful look brewing in his light brown eyes. "Truly?"
"Yes." Ollie bowed his head and folded his hands in front of his middle as they began to walk back towards the campsite though heading in the opposite direction of Tonks and Norah. "Come on, we need to go get you ready. We're not going that way, Mr. Lupin," Ollie called back over his shoulder, much to Lupin's surprise. "Bad luck to see your bride before the ceremony. Your friend, the one that has the last name of a color? Sirius Black? He's here. So is Dumbledore. They're both waiting for you," he announced, and this time, he did not bother to hide the small smirk that tugged the corners of his mouth upwards, and his icy-blue stare softened as Lupin had to jog to match Ollie's strides in order to meet the others. "I know that you'll give Dora everything in this world that she's ever wanted," Ollie began, his words pained, and he swallowed down the urge to have a fit and fought it back. "Going forward, I'll…I will try my very hardest to treat you as a friend, Remus."
"Thank you," Remus murmured after a moment spent in stunned silence briskly, reaching out to take Ollie's hand in his own and gave it a brief but firm handshake.
For a moment, the two wizards stood there, neither willing to say a word for fear it would ruin this newfound moment, their hands connected, and something resembling a genuine smile flitted across both their pale features. Ollie was the first one to speak up.
"You're welcome. My friend," he emphasized, before allowing his smile to widen even further, before clapping Lupin on the back and steering him in the opposite direction. "Come. Your friends and family are waiting for you. We've got a wedding to go to, and something tells me your bride would kill you if you're late for your own party."
And he clapped Lupin on the back and continued to drag him in the opposite direction away from Tonks, but this time, not as his enemy. This time...
As his friend.
A/N: Yay, Ollie and Lupin are friends now! Guys, tomorrow is the start of their wedding! (Cue pterodactyl screeching) I feel like I've been building up to it for 86 chapters lol, and the wedding wound up being long I had to split it into at least two chapters, so I hope I did their ceremony justice, even though it's not what either of them wanted, to get married in the Forest, I think it suits the two of them because they did technically meet in the woods lol.
Coming up in Ch's 87 and 88!
