Chapter 86 – Leaping Off the Precipice
Prime P.O.V
Peace. Calm. Happiness.
Not since my brief sojourn into the Well of the Allspark and those few moments I have held Phoenix in my arms have I felt like this. As I shutter my optics and awake from recharge, I let the feelings wash over me and seep into every fibre of my being. A quiet sigh escapes my dermas. Looking down at my chest, a smile spreads as I take in the sight of what has caused me to wake up feeling so contented.
/Phoenix/.
She lay curled up against my left side, her helm resting on top of my chest and her left arm draped over my abdomen. Her beautiful face looks so peaceful as she continues to recharge. I dare not move lest I wake her up, so I lay there, silently, and wondrously taking in the view. To think the number of mornings I would awake from recharge and imagine her there beside me and now here she was – in my arms!
My spark pulsed strongly within its housing yet again. While this feeling once sent fear and concern racing through me, it now sent waves of excitement and anticipation. My spark yearned to connect with hers, to be joined and bound together. We both felt it after our first kiss in here, when she had told me that every wish, she had ever made led her to me – her spark's truest desire. A warmth flowed over me again as I recalled her words. And then, afterwards when we had become more physical with each other and started to give in to our desires, our sparks tried to bond then!
I shook my helm in amazement yet again and I felt myself reflexively hold her tighter to me and she began to stir. /Damn it!/. I stilled immediately and she seemed to also still.
I smiled once again. I had been so tired last night I don't even recall wishing her a peaceful recharge. Not the best start to our relationship. I paused a moment. /THAT is what we do today! We discuss our true feelings and the nature of our relationship and fully commit ourselves to each other/. I had turned my comms unit off yesterday as we had both walked away from the Med Bay. There was NO WAY I was going to allow anyone to interrupt us when we next went to share our feelings for each other.
At that moment I felt her warm body stir against mine, her beautiful brown and gold flecked optics shuttered open to gaze upon me. A huge smile spreading languidly across her face as she raised her left arm to brush my cheek, and she moved to capture my dermas in a soft kiss. ''I could get used to waking up like this.'' She smiled at me and I returned it warmly, my own servo brushing her cheek.
''As could I my Phoenix, as could I. Did you recharge well? I am sorry I did not bid you good night, I obviously underestimated how tired I was,'' I offered a weak smile in apology.
Her laugh bubbled forward, cascading out her dermas, ''Yes, you did crash out quite quickly. Lucky I wasn't pouring my heart out to you or anything!'' and she kissed me again.
I cycled air through my intakes giving the impression of a sigh, ''my apologies Phoenix, I shall try not to let it happen again.'' I felt somewhat embarrassed by my actions.
''Optimus it's okay. You well and truly deserved to fall into recharge as quickly as you did after all you had been through. I am not offended.'' She kissed my cheek and then my helm, leaving a trail of fire wherever her dermas touched me. ''I am grateful that I got to fall asleep in your arms and I got to wake up beside you. I am grateful that I get to have you all to myself for at least a few more days.'' She snuggled into me again and I held her tight, for the millionth time wondering what I did to earn such favour from Primus and be given a gift such as her.
I sighed out loud, ''What did I do to deserve you my Phoenix?'' and I stroked her helm gently.
She raised her optics towards me and smiled, ''I could ask you the same thing Prime, what did I do to deserve YOU? All I know is that Primus saw in our sparks how much we needed and wanted each other, and He saw fit to bring us together. I do not want to question His judgement; I just want to thank him.''
I shook my helm in wonder, ''I do not know what I did to earn Primus' favour, but I will be eternally thankful that He saw fit to reward my loyalty with the gift of you.'' I ran a digit down her cheek and bent to kiss her yet again.
Reaching up to cup my face with her left servo, Phoenix moved to deepen the kiss, moving to lay across my chest and pull herself against me. Our sparks pulsed next to each other and once again that familiar feeling began to stir. Our sparks sped up erratically, as though they were trying to leave their casing and find each other – in truth they were. They were desperately seeking to join, to merge together.
I heard Phoenix moan and then gasp as she felt the sensations flood her systems. Unsure as to what it meant, she broke the kiss and pulled away from me, one of her servos hovering over her rapidly rising and falling chest, as if protecting her spark. ''It's… it's happening again isn't it Prime?'' She asked. The look of shock, wonder and concern at war on her face was endearing and I moved towards her to scoop her into my arms.
''Yes My Phoenix, it is. While I know it may seem scary and I can completely understand your concern or worry, it is a gift and a most sacred and intimate way of connecting with another soul.
Phoenix nodded her understanding as she gently caressed my chest, as if consoling my spark. A smile began to break out on my dermas as I took the sight in of my beloved Phoenix reverently touching ''my spark''.
Almost as soon as the smile appeared it faltered and began to fade. Having the feeling take place, knowing about it and understanding it were not the same as wanting it. /Did she want this with me? Were we ready for this to take place?/. While our bodies and our sparks thought so, were our processors on the same page? I looked into her optics very seriously and placed a digit under her chin to gain her attention. ''Phoenix?'' She raised her optics to mine. ''Do, you want this with me? It is okay if you do not, it is a very big decision to make and one that should not be made..''
''YES! I do Optimus, more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I want to belong to you in every sense of the word and I want you to belong to me,'' her optics shone brightly with the depth of emotion she was feeling. Her earnestness, honesty and need for me, rocked me to my core and I swiftly bent down to kiss her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tightly against me.
After a moment we once again pulled apart, rapidly cycling air through our intake valves to cool our systems. Our optics were fixed on each other and our servos still holding each other's arms, anchoring us from drifting away, swept up in the torrent of emotions that swirled about us. Phoenix gave a small, slightly nervous chuckle, ''WOW! Does, ah, does it get even more intense after we bond?''
I allowed my own chuckle to escape my dermas as I once again moved to pull her against me, ''Yes, it can Phoenix. Especially if we merge our sparks.''
Phoenix tilted her helm to the side, ''Merge? What, like physically take our sparks out and shove them together?''
I laughed out loud at the manner in which my Phoenix described such a sacred and powerful union. ''Oh my Phoenix! If we perhaps dispense of the word ''shove'' and try connecting or merge as the name suggests, that might be more appropriate.'' I bent to kiss her dermas.
''Well the only reference I have here is a human heart Prime, and the thought of doing THAT with a heart is kind of.. well… messed up and is what is freaking me out a little.'' Phoenix ducked her helm slightly as if embarrassed by her lack of understanding.
''Which makes perfect sense Phoenix, but I assure you, the spark, while in essence a 'heart'' for Transformers, operates somewhat differently so there is no need to concern yourself about that. I kissed her again. /By Primus I am enjoying being able to taste her whenever I feel the need!/.
I pulled her closer to me. ''Phoenix, this is why I ask you if you truly want this because it can be overwhelming, especially at first.'' I looked down at her in my arms. ''Basically, Phoenix when two sparks are joined in a sparkmerge it is as though you cease to be two different beings. My thoughts, my feelings, the essence of my soul will become a part of yours and vice versa. What you think, and feel, and are will become a part of me.'' She shook her helm slowly in wonder and perhaps some trepidation. ''Even if we are separated by distance, we can hear each other's thoughts and feel each other.''
Her dermas opened wide in shock. ''While over time you learn how to control the bond, filtering or blocking most of the ordinary and inconsequential thoughts and feelings out and allowing only the important to pass through, it takes some getting used to.'' I smiled down at her and kissed the side of her helm. ''However, once you have learned how to control it, once you have become used to it, there is nothing else like it. It is a most incredible feeling, having that connection to the spark you love with every ounce of your own.''
I moved to interlace our servos together. Phoenix grew quiet for a moment. Even though we were not bonded, I could tell what thoughts weighed heavily on her processor. ''Talk to me Phoenix, I can tell you are troubled, and I feel I know what the cause of this concern is.''
Phoenix dipped her helm slightly in embarrassment yet again. ''Wow, not even bonded yet and already reading my thoughts!'' She laughed nervously. I squeezed her tight in encouragement. She let out a loud sigh, ''There are a few things on my processor Prime, you are right. While I DO want this between us, so very much, I cannot help but feel - concerned over a few things.'' She turned to look at me then. ''Please do not take my concern as being a refusal because that is not true.''
I shook my helm, ''Of course not Phoenix. It is only natural that you would have some concerns and want to discuss this. I am happy to do so.'' I kissed her again. ''Now, out with it!''
She sighed yet again, ''Well firstly, and I am sure you would have to know I was going to ask this and I apologise in advance for any pain I may cause in asking it,'' she looked apologetically at me, ''but, didn't you have this bond with Elita 1? If it is so rare and special how can it happen to you twice? How can your spark recognise and want to be with two different femmes or sparks?'' I felt my spark twist slightly at her words, though it was a fair question. ''Also,'' she ploughed on, ''if we do bond, what would happen to either of us if the other were to… you know…'' she closed her optics as if the very word caused her great pain, ''die?''
My turn to sigh out loud. ''Fair questions my Phoenix and yes, I did have a feeling you would ask me about Elita.'' I felt myself stare off across the room as I sifted through my feelings and emotions. ''In answer to your question, yes, I did have such a bond with Elita many millions of years ago.'' I felt myself give a slight snort, ''although our sparks did not seek to bond as quickly as yours and mine have.'' I felt Phoenix beam with happiness at the implication of that comment and she curled in against me tighter. ''Our relationshipthen took longer to develop than ours now. What Elita and I had between us then, was different to what we share now.'' I looked down at her. ''As I started to say to you yesterday, Elita 1 and I although we cared very deeply for each other, respected each other and came to love each other, we did not get to spend as much time together as you and I have in the almost six years we have known each other.''
I paused a moment as a thought entered my processor and I once again gave a derisive snort, ''In fact in the millions of years we were together in a relationship and then in all the time since we sparkmerged, we seemed to spend less time with each other, than you and I have over the past few years.'' I shook my helm in some sadness and understanding. ''When Elita 1 – was lost to me,'' I felt myself cycle deeply as I forced myself to continue. Phoenix raised her arms and wrapped me in a comforting hug, though she made no effort to stop me – she knew we needed to confront these ghosts. ''We had already been apart for millions of years. The bond had weakened, faded away. Although I still felt some connection to her, still loved her and cared for her, it was not as strong as it had been at the start. And because we were separated by such distances and agendas, I guess the bond began to wither and die.''
I closed my optics as I took the time to truly process this. /Was it meant to happen so that my Phoenix could come along and take her place?/, the thought teased me though I dare not speak it out loud. ''Perhaps my Phoenix, that is why my spark has allowed me to recognise another so strongly despite having already had a bond in the past. The bond Elita and I had once many years ago never had the chance to develop as strongly as it may have done.'' I looked down at her, smiling, ''as strongly as I have a feeling our bond will grow once it is established. My spark was crying out to be complete, and in you my Phoenix, it found what it needed and wanted.''
My optics looked away again for a moment as I mused out loud, ''Perhaps that is why I was able to survive her passing and not follow her into the Well of Allsparks? Had our bond been nurtured and strong, not faded and withered, I may well have joined her when she died.'' I looked back down at my Phoenix as her whole frame shuddered at the thought. ''And, as you recall that night on Turtle cove, you pointed out to me that my love of my Autobots and the need to protect them and not let them down, spurred me to soldier on and continue fighting even when I felt like giving up.'' I allowed a gentle smile to play on my dermas before I bent to kiss her helm again.
After a moment, I felt a very serious expression settle on my faceplates. ''That being said though my Phoenix, the very big drawback of merging with another spark is that when, or if they are killed or die, there is a very real chance that you will die along with them.'' I felt Phoenix flinch in my arms and draw a sharp intake of ''breath''. I quickly tried to soothe her, ''It does not always happen, I mean I am proof of that, however, the deeper the bond between two sparks, the greater the chance of one not surviving the loss of the other.'' I kissed her helm again.
I felt Phoenix nod against my chest, ''That was the part I was afraid of Prime.'' She raised concerned optics to mine, ''not that I would want to live in a world without you in it, however, your tendency to sacrifice yourself so readily DOES present an issue for our – longevity.'' Though her intention was serious, a small smile had formed on her dermas.
I raised an optical ridge at her, ''Readily? In my defence Phoenix, I have only died once.''
At that she snorted incredulously at my comment, ''Died once, ASKED to be killed once and ALMOST died again about 48 hours ago. Not to mention all the times in the past few million years you have, I am sure, come close to taking up permanent residence in the Well of the Allsparks! Not the best track record Prime!''
I felt my dermas move wordlessly to think of a retort to her comments. Phoenix raised her optic ridge in silent challenge to me. ''Well,'' I began, ''I lost count of the number of times YOU nearly died when you underwent the transformation from OC to Phoenix! And then, in essence, you DID die as you ceased to be human and became a Transformer,'' I could not help a slightly smug tone from lacing my words as I replied to her comment. ''So technically, we are even in the death stakes.'' I felt the teasing smile on my dermas even as she raised her servo to tap my shoulder.
''Not the point! The point IS Prime, that if we were to bond and one of us – more than likely YOU,'' she pointedly stared at me, ''were to die, then it is highly likely the other would follow along, this would then leave your beloved Autobots, our dear friends, leaderless and, I dare say, in much confusion and hopelessness.''
I paused a moment as I considered her words. She did have a point.
''From what I have observed since I first met you all, YOU Prime are the glue that holds your team together, you are the heart and soul of your Autobots,'' she smiled proudly at me before she continued in her argument, ''And there is another point to consider. Primus said a great darkness is coming, one that will likely destroy us all if you and I don't stand together and work together to face it, despite the trial that awaits us.'' She turned to face me then, her mind already connecting unseen dots at a rapid pace, '' Perhaps that is the trial! If we bond now and between now and then, when the darkness arrives, if either one of us is killed and the other dies as well, then we leave absolutely NO way for the Autobots or Earth to defeat this darkness. We doom them to failure.'' Her face held a sad smile as she allowed her own words to sink in.
I felt my shoulders slump in defeat as the truth of her words settled about my spark. A brief flash of anger coursed through me. /Once AGAIN the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and most certainly MY needs!/. Phoenix must have picked up on the change in my mood as she placed a servo on my chest and leaned against me, allowing a very loud and equally frustrated sigh to escape her dermas.
''I kind of wish I HADN'T thought about this Prime and we had just done it. Once again, WE must deny ourselves for the good of others. It just isn't fair,'' she raised conflicted and sad optics to me. ''How have you managed to be so self-sacrificing for so long? I have only been doing it for five minutes and already I feel like telling everyone to go and get stuffed!'' She gave a small indignant snort of laughter.
I smiled sadly at her as I kissed her helm. ''What cannot be helped must be endured my Phoenix and, for the time being, we must endure. I too wish that we could just follow our spark's desire and merge our sparks however, what you say is true.'' I looked down at her and allowed a sense of pride to shine through my optics at her, ''It is the thoughts and actions of a true Prime to place the needs of others above one's own spark. As hard as it is Phoenix it is what must be done – for now at least. Besides,'' I reached for her and brought her to my chest again, ''it is not like we will be alone. Now that I have you as I have longed to, I am NEVER letting you go.''
I kissed her helm gently as I pulled her close to me. ''We do not truly need a bond to share how we feel about each other, to show each other what we mean to each other.'' I placed a digit under her chin and gently raised her beautiful face to look at mine. ''Bond or not my Phoenix, I intend to spend every day my spark pulses telling you, showing you how much you mean to me and how much you are, and always have been, a part of me.''
Without warning Phoenix launched herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck and capturing my dermas in a desperate and passionate kiss. I closed my optics and savoured the feeling of her in my arms, her lip components hungrily devouring mine and the rapidly pulsing rhythm of our sparks as they once again fought in vain to unite. /Primus how I LOVE this femme!/. Which reminds me….
After a moment, Phoenix pulled away from me slowly, her optics darkened with the depth of her emotions and a look of pure happiness on her face. ''YOU Optimus Prime are one smooth talker, that was the most beautiful thing you, or anyone else, has ever said to me!'' She smiled brightly at me and sighed out loud, ''So, I guess that means we are officially in a relationship?'' Almost at once her expression changed and a thoughtful expression settled on her features, '' Which by the way, what do you call each other when you spark merge or bond? Like most humans refer to girlfriends and boyfriends or husband and wife when entering into the bond of matrimony. Which,'' she gave a snigger of laughter, ''I think would be kind of weird referring to you as 'my boyfriend or even husband'. What do two Transformers who are bonded together call each other?''
It was a good question. ''Well my impertinent Phoenix,'' I replied without missing a beat, ignoring her narrowing optics and the mirth dancing within them, ''there are a few terms but the most common are either ''Spark mate'' or ''Conjunx Endura''.
Phoenix's dermas curved up at the corners and her optic ridge creased in dislike, ''Spark mate isn't too bad but Conjunx Endura! Wow.. that just trips off the glossa doesn't it,'' she said with no small amount of sarcasm. Her optics gleamed brightly for a moment before she once again started to speak. ''You know Prime, I think I prefer your term. I think I shall say, 'You are my SSO and we are good to go.''
I felt my optical ridge furrow in confusion at the acronym she used, ''I am your what my Phoenix?''
Her smile changed to one of mischievousness, ''Oh you know, your ''Special Significant Other'' you said so yourself to Rachet yesterday.'' Her frame began to shake slowly with barely contained laughter.
As realisation dawned on me that I had indeed said that cringe worthy title and my Phoenix was baiting me, I felt a sense of playful revenge sweep over me and I quickly lashed out to grab her, ''Come here you brazen femme!''
She squealed with shock and surprise as I wrapped my arms about her and pinned her beneath me on the berth. The sound of her laughter bubbling away with my own lifted the seemingly ever-present weight off my spark and sent waves of warmth and pure joy washing over me. I felt like I was invincible, like I was once again Orion Pax. A young mech, carefree and so full of life and hope. All because of her. MY Phoenix. My spark.
Staring down at the gorgeous femme beneath me, her servos entwined with mine, I felt my laughter fade as my optics came to gaze intently into hers. Her own laughter had faded away and she fixed me with a purposeful gaze, a small smile of wonder gracing her beautiful dermas. I slowly shook my helm in amazement and felt the words I had wanted to say for the longest time and was no longer afraid of saying, build up inside me, preparing to rush out of me.
''I LOVE you Optimus Prime, with all my spark,'' her words crashed upon my audials and seeped into every fibre of my being as water into a parched desert. I closed my optics as I heard her words echo through my processor and my spark and I greedily clung to them as though my soul had been starving and was finally nourished. I opened my optics to see Phoenix smiling sweetly at me, ''always have, always will.''
I brought a servo up to run my digits gently down the side of her face, ''My Phoenix I….''
''PRIME!'' we both gave a slight start at the unexpected intrusion as a loud, incessant knocking on the door to our room and Jazz's very troubled and concerned voice yelled to us from the other side, effectively shattering the long-awaited moment between us.
''PRIME, OPEN UP!''
