Sorry for the delay in new updates. This week has been busy but things have finally quieted down again. Expect more posts soon!
Nessie's POV
"Why don't you trust me?" Jacob asks me with a frown.
"Because it doesn't make sense. I have to precook the ground beef before putting in the lasagna even though it bakes for an hour but the noodles go in completely uncooked?" I look at him skeptically.
After my lasagna fail, Jacob drove out to the grocery store and picked up all the ingredients I had neglected to put in and then walked me through the entire process.
"It can't be raw because it's supposed to be a meat sauce. It won't spread properly unless it's cooked and the noodles-" Jacob stops himself, "you know what. I didn't make up the rules. Next time just find an actual recipe so our kid doesn't starve"
"I think you're doing great, Mom," River says with a smile on his face sitting on a stool at the kitchen island.
"Our son thinks I'm doing great," I grin smugly at Jacob.
"He impresses easily," Jacob mutters with a little smirk.
I feel a little bit guilty. River is really enjoying this time with all of us together. Even if it is just cooking a meal together; or rather Jacob cooking and me pretending as if I'm not just going to sign up for a meal delivery service after he leaves. River hasn't really experienced this kind of family time. Emma, on the other hand, gets this kind of family experience all the time. Fox is very involved in her life and we often do things together.
I look over to Jacob and catch him staring at me. He glances away quickly. I wish I knew what he was thinking. If only I could have my father's gift for little moments like these. Though, Edward often refers to it as a curse.
"Maybe you can show mom how you make your apple cake," River says, obviously trying to extend Jaob's visit here.
"Apple cake, huh? You bake too?" I cock my eyebrow.
"I have a kid, I do it all," Jacob breathes in deeply, checking his phone, "I kinda have to go soon."
"Got a date?" I ask, half teasing and half curious. This will be his first child-free night … ever. I catch a glimpse of River's worried face and I wish I had never brought it up.
"I have to meet up with Sam to discuss how he's not going to murder you," Jacob replies without thinking.
"What? Why would Misty's dad want to kill Mom?" River asks, confused. Looks like we're both putting our foot in our mouths, tonight.
"... Uh… it's an expression," Jacob says quickly.
"What?" River looks even more confused.
"I'll talk to you later, kid. Be good for your mom," Jacob wraps an arm around River and kisses his head.
"See ya, dad."
"I'll walk you out," I reply. I follow Jake outside, it's dark outside now. The moon is reflecting on the water creating just a little bit of light beyond the beach house. It's quiet; apart from the crickets and ocean waves. I walk with him down the stairs and to his truck. "Look, don't get into it with Sam because of me, okay."
"If I get into it with Sam it will be because of what happened to River," Jacob replies with a grim look on his face, "but that's not what this is about. I just want peace, okay. I don't want to have to think of my son witnessing his mother's death."
"I can take Sam," I reply.
"No. No you can't. Not if he orders his pack to… let's just not let it go there, okay," Jacob says, pulling his keys out of his pocket but then stalls, "what did that mean in there?" he asks.
"What did what mean?" I know exactly what he is talking about.
Jacob doesn't respond. He just waits for me to give him a real answer.
"I… I don't know…" I reply honestly.
"Dammit, Nessie," Jacob sighs, crossing his arms and leans his back against the truck, "... well… Do you regret it? The kiss?"
I open my mouth but find that I am at a loss for words. I shrug.
"Okay… Okay, fine," Jacob sighs, "just tell me what you want from me?" he asks.
"What?"
"Tell me what you want out of this. You kissed me in there… Before, I initiated things the other night when we slept together but then you said it was over and didn't want to go back. What did that kiss mean?" he stares at me. I open my mouth but once more nothing comes out. The honest truth is that I don't know what happened there. It just happened. When I am unable to produce an answer Jacob signs, "tell me this then… had the circumstances not been that River was upstairs and we didn't have a condom… how far were you going to take this?"
"I don't know, Jacob. Probably… All the way," I whisper, truthfully.
"Okay… so then, Nessie, what do you want from me? Is this us giving it another chance or not? … or do you just want something more… I don't know… casual?"
Jacob's eyes fill with pain and longing as he eagerly awaits a response.
After a long pause I am finally able to put into words my pain, "I want to be with you, Jacob. I do. I never wanted us to be over. But I need for you to accept that there are things in my life that I can't give up for you," I shake my head, "there is a whole other part of my life that will always be there, now. The truth is that Emma and Foxworth are family to me now. As much as you hate it. As much as you loathe Fox. As much as you blame Emma for River being born sick… those are the facts." I take a step forward and place my hand on his chest, "is there still a place for me in your heart, knowing that I can't-I won't-give up that other part of my life?"
I search Jacob's face for a hint of what he is thinking instead I see a stone cold expression. I knew it. He can't. He is just not capable of it.
"I don't know what to say," he admits.
"Don't say anything," I reply and let my hand drop from his chest, "go talk to Sam. He's probably waiting for you," I turn my back and walk towards the house.
"Nessie?" Jacob calls after me.
I turn to look at him once I reach the stairs, "hm?"
"I'm sorry… for what I said the other night. I don't think you're a bad mother," Jacob says, "River loves you. Despite everything I've done to keep you at a distance, you've been there for him. It couldn't have been easy. I certainly didn't make it easy. I just want you to know that it isn't true, I didn't mean it and I shouldn't have said it."
I'm stunned. I didn't expect that from Jacob, "thank you," my voice is just above a whisper, "that means a lot to me, Jacob…" I reply. There is a long silence between us. Jacob opens the door to his truck. "...and no, I don't regret it; the kiss," I reply, finally answering his question that I could not find words for earlier. Jacob pauses and stares at me.
I expect him to get into his truck but instead he comes towards me, closing the distance. He slides his warm hand to the back of my neck, threading his fingers into my hair and leans down to kiss me. My whole body melts into him as his other arm pulls me close. We seem to be making a habit of this; expressing our affection for one another without a clear idea of where we stand or how we define our relationship. No matter. I kiss him back, resting my palms on his muscular chest and just enjoy the moment because I don't know how long it will last or what it even means. Fortunately, Jacob is in no hurry for the moment to pass either. So he holds me tight and we continue to kiss until we are both too breathless to continue any longer.
"I have to go," Jacob whispers, resting his forehead against mine'.
"Stay," I beg for the second time tonight.
"I can't," he replies, "I'm already going to be late," he says.
Oh right. Sam.
"Okay," I inhale deeply and finally step away from his embrace.
Jacob stands there for a moment, hesitant to leave but then finally turns and goes back to his truck. I stand near the steps, holding onto the rail as I watch him get inside but look back at me through the rearview mirror as he pulls out and drives off.
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