Hi hi to anyone still sticking around with this story! Life has been hectic this year or what with this insane covid virus! My library closed and thus I could not post any new chaps! BUT now I know how to use my phone whenever signal allows! So here are 2 new chaps and now many more on the way. Thank you so much for your patience and best wishes to all! Stay healthy.

REGRETS AND APOLOGIES.

Akane sighed and rolled over in her bed for the fifth or sixth time in a row, glaring up at her ceiling and wishing there was at least an interesting painting or something up there to look at.

She just couldn't get to sleep tonight.

It was almost a full moon and that ALWAYS fucked with her sleep schedule.

But maybe this wasn't such a bad thing, seeing as how she wasn't looking forward to yet another far too realistic dream about Sesshomaru. Ever since her near death experience she had been getting more and more of the strange memory like dreams, and had come to except the fact that they were most likely memories of her past lives coming back to her. Before something like that would have made her laugh, but considering that Kagome was in fact Kikyo's reincarnation, she really had no trouble believing that all these flashes of different times and versions of herself with Sesshy were in fact real memories.

It was romantic to think that he would somehow keep finding her past incarnations thru time, and despite how nice it was to dream of her mate, waking up each time alone was a new heartbreak every morning.

When she had met Sesshomaru's older modern day self at the cafe' a few days ago, it hadn't helped.
She kept hoping to see him again.

But he had kept his word and only allowed her to see him that one time, finding it too difficult to be in her company and yet still could not be with her yet. She understood, and felt selfish for wanting to see him again while waiting for his younger past self to come and take her back.

So the dreams were all she had at the moment.
As much a torture as a pleasurable retreat from her current loneliness.

Akane felt nearly obsessed at this point.
She had even been drawing Sesshomaru in her spare time now that she had completely caught up with all the schoolwork she had been missing, and now had six new drawings done and a seventh in progress.

The more modern Sesshy had inspired her to draw her mate in different modern clothes, as well as seeing how he would look with short hair out of curiosity.

She was half tempted to just get up and go work on the next drawing when a knock came at the door.

"What the hell...?" Glancing at her bedside clock, she seen that it was just past two in the morning.

There was no way someone was at the door at this hour.
Even Kagome wouldn't do that, unless someone... was dead...

That thought made her heart jump, until she recalled how modern Sesshy had reassured her that everything with her friends would end up all right. So a death COULDN'T be the reason for this late night visitor.

Unless something went wrong, unless the past was going to be altered somehow, because that kind of thing always happened... In movies at least...

Life isn't a movie so stop panicking!

Akane shook her head to make herself stop just as another knock came, and this time she jolted up into a sitting position on the bed, eyes wide while fighting off worry.

"Just ignore it Akane, it'll go away..." She mumbled to herself, eyes locking on her bedroom door and thinking that maybe it was just some lost drunk guy. But she had no intentions of going out to see.

The knock returned, louder and more persistent, making her frown, now getting annoyed.

One would think after knocking this many times with no reply even the most stubborn drunk would move on to a different front door... Right?

BANG!

A crashing sound made her jump in bed, eyes wide while reaching for her sword that never left her bedside table whenever she was home, thinking it might be a drunk YOKAI of all things...

"Someone did NOT just break down my door." She told herself, yet the sound of wood breaking was a rather unique noise, and she had definitely heard that mixed with the banging sound.

Akane got out of bed and slowly made her way to the living room, lightning sizzling at her fingertips just in case she needed to zap some unsuspecting and stupid robber, sword at her side pointing down so she wouldn't kill the person by accident if they jumped out to scare her, the blade was just to threaten unless needed.

As softly as possible she made her way out and down the short hall, past the bathroom and peeked into her medium sized living room, hearing odd scrapping noises from within.

She really was expecting some yokai to be there, maybe even a vampire, at the very least a really BIG human considering how sturdy her door had been.

What she DID find caused the lightning at her hands to disappear, sword going limp by her side as her mouth dropped open in complete silent shock.

Now it was an almost for sure thing that she had actually fallen asleep.

This had to be another dream, it was the only way this scene made sense.

Sesshomaru was in her living room, carefully setting her broken door up against the opening as if that would somehow fix the damage he had done to both the frame and door itself.

He paused when catching her scent, that or he heard her suck in a breath at the site of him.
Turning around just as she turned on the light switch, narrowing his eyes against the sudden light until used to it, then seemed to be almost as shocked to see her with a sword as she was seeing him in her house so suddenly.

They just stood facing each other for a good long minute it felt like, her trying to figure out if he was really here or not, and him giving an unblinking wide eyed stare like a deer caught in headlights.

"Umm... Hi." She said stupidly, staring hard at him like he was a ghost.

He frowned, looking both worried and confused at her reaction to his presence, that surprised and almost frightened expression wiped clean off his face.

"Hello..." He said slowly, as if not knowing what else to say.

"Uh huh." She felt like an idiot, but she still couldn't tell if he was ACTUALLY here or just another dream.

"Did I wake you? Normally on nights when the moon is like this you do not sleep very well, so I assumed it to be safe to come, thinking you to be still awake." He said in apology, thinking her oddness was due to just waking.

"You broke my door." Akane blurted out, finding this dream to be at least a bit funny.

"Ah, yes... that was most unfortunate. My intention was simply to remove it, yet it did get more damage in the process then I thought it would-"

"You BROKE my door, Sesshomaru." She repeated, feeling like being annoyed and also wanting to laugh at the adorable hopeless look he gave her when she raised her voice at him.

"You did not open it, and I wanted inside." Sesshomaru glanced at the broken door and back to her again, as if it was more her fault then his that he had needed to destroy her doorway.

"You broke INTO my house." She said, trying to sound annoyed, yet she was the exact opposite.

Sesshomaru at last looked a tiny bit ashamed of his actions, glancing away.

"As I said, I assumed you to be awake. You did not open when I tried getting your attention..." He said in an almost pouty tone, as if not fully understanding why she sounded annoyed.

When he looked back at her the expression was very cute and guilty, making it hard not to smile.

"I can fix it... I think... tomorrow." Sesshomaru offered, sounding unsure if he actually could or not.

She couldn't take it anymore.

Akane started laughing so hard she had to catch herself on the couch with a hand so she wouldn't fall.

"Oh wow... my god... This is the weirdest dream yet." She barely managed to say between a sudden fit of the giggles, his baffled expression to her outburst only making it harder to stop.

"Dream?" Sesshomaru repeated, tilting his head to the side and staring like he thought she was crazy.

After a few more seconds she managed to catch her breath, shaking her head and turning around to go back into her bedroom, waving at him over her shoulder.

"I must say you are the most realistic looking one so far, but I would much rather not wake up missing you again so if you don't mind I think I'll go try to have a different dream... Please fix the door before you go."

"You- wait, what? This Sesshomaru is not a dream!" He snapped as if annoyed she could even dare to question the fact he was here and very real.

"Sure sure, whatever you say. But why would the real you be so focused on how you busted down my door? One would think that wouldn't matter much compared to why you must be here..."

"And... Why do you think I'm here?"

"To most likely yell at me for leaving the way I did. And if a certain spider didn't chicken out and told you the truth about something that happened I don't think you would be so calm when seeing me again." She pointed out.

"Hn... Yes... There is that to speak about." Sesshomaru said with a hint of hesitation, as if he was not ready or unsure how to even mention it.

"See? Your too calm. If you were real I would think you to be a bit more upset about that."

"I have no reason to be upset at YOU for it, I am fully aware that you were delirious and near death. His trick was a good one, and he was punished for it by you afterwards, which pleased me greatly when he told of how you reacted once healed and well enough... to realize it had not been me..."

She frowned, still facing away from him this whole time.
He sounded sad, hurt, but not a hint of anger like the Sesshy she was used to would be.

"You're still WAY to calm about this." Akane said in annoyance, about to walk away.

"Because I released my frustrations out on the spider before making my way to come bring you home, trust me he will most likely cry to you later how badly I beat his ass." He stated with a hint of amusement.

Hmm...
That smug tone definitely sounded like the real thing.

"How can you not at least be a LITTLE mad at me for this? I deserve it, so this clearly means that your just another dream trying to make me feel less lonely again." She said with an exasperated sigh.

Arguing with a dream had to be the oddest thing she'd ever done.

"Damn it Akane, look at me." He snapped in that orderly tone she knew all too well, causing her muscles to go rigid on instinct, her dragon now telling her the voice was real.

Oh crap.
Without a doubt that was his getting frustrated tone, no dream could copy the sexy sound just right, not to mention her dream wouldn't have him yell at her...

Slowly she realized that she wasn't ready to confront him yet about that night with Naraku, even if his future self had told her he wouldn't be angry with her, she just could not fully believe it.

"Akane!"

Suddenly she was taken by the arm and made to spin and face him, clearly NOW angry at being ignored.

"Oh fuck. You ARE real aren't you?" Akane gaped, feeling the need to go hide.

He glared at her a moment, looking her over and seeing, or maybe even sensing her sudden nervous state and not liking it one bit. His anger deflated as he let out a small breath and released his hold on her arm.

"I am very real, and I am forever sorry for what I said and did the last time we seen one another. You have every right to be afraid of me, and I suspected you might be..." He frowned, a strange nearly pained look in his eyes.

This took her by surprise.

No. It flat shocked the hell out of her.

Not only was he NOT mad at her, he was apologizing to her!

"What are you... You were possessed! I know that, so how you acted wasn't totally your fault-"

"Please Akane, just let me finish." He cut in with narrowed eyes.

She clamped her mouth shut, knowing how he hated being interrupted, and unsure what to make of what was even happening right now. His mind clearly wasn't even on her little mistake with Naraku.

Sesshomaru stared down at her, golden eyes swirling with a nervous sadness that made about as much sense as how he kept rubbing his fingers together, a habit when nervous or frustrated.

"I do not... know what to do... how strange. On the way I had come up with so many things to say, to do. But now that I see you before me, my mind has gone blank..." He said barely aloud, more to himself.

"You don't have to say anything. We both know why you acted that way. How about we just go back to how things were, and act like... Like that never happened?"

He frowned at her offer, clearly not liking it as he shook his head seriously.

"That simply will not do. My Akane, there has to be a way, something that I can do to make up for everything that I did to you... for leaving those marks and bruises on your skin."

"You don't have to-"

"Maybe you have forgiven me, but I have not!" He said with the hint of a growl, eyes flashing that lovely red which showed that even his inner animal was upset. So she stoped arguing, not sure what to say.

There was an awkward silence, then he seemed to come up with something as his eyes seemed to light up with a determined look crossing his handsome face.

"Ah. I know how..." He whispered while beginning to remove the top of his kimono.

"And just what are you doing?" She asked with a heated breath, having missed seeing his body up close.

Her drawings of the past few days paled in comparison when confronted with him again.
Those lean muscles that rippled like water with every movement, the way his hair swayed as the robes were pulled down and off his shoulders. That missing arm didn't take away from his beauty, especially now that he wasn't self conscious about it like when she first met him.

Sesshomaru had yet to answer her question about his intentions, but was watching her watch him as the armor and robes were removed and tossed on the couch, leaving just the pants.

"I'm going to make you happy again, make you trust in me again, if you'll let me touch you of course...?"

His look said he half expected her to refuse and was prepared for rejection.

A part of her wanted nothing more then for him to touch her.
But there was that other tiny part who, despite reassurances from this very man's future self, was waiting for him to strike and be angry over what she had allowed Naraku to do to her.

"Are you being serious right now?" Akane said with a swallow, nervous for a whole new reason.

He nodded in silence, and he walked around her and went into her bedroom, pausing to look over his shoulder at her in silent invitation to follow... If she wanted to.

Akane stood there in dumbstruck awe.

He wanted to have sex NOW?
Was that his plan? Not that it was a bad plan...

It was a really, really, good plan as a matter of fact.

"Oh hell why not." She muttered to herself, taking a deep breath, she not only followed him but marched past him and got back onto her bed with a determined strut. Getting comfortable and quickly fixing her messy nest of pillows all around her, glancing up to see him watching with a hint of amusement.

Sesshomaru approached the bed, knee already up on the mattress.

Akane watched him, licking her lips and flattening her hands against the bed as she sat up further, her breathing quickened while watching those golden orbs stare into her soul. As eerie as that silent unblinking gaze could be she had missed it's sexy intensity. She even missed his silence.

"So mister serious... what exactly is this idea of yours?" She said in a joking way, hoping to get him to say something to her, but he was deep in brooding predator mode right now, the only response was the tiniest hint of a smile as his lips twitched at her attempt of humor.

Slow and easy he crawled up and over her, staring at her the entire time as if waiting for her to bolt away from him in fear. Searching for any hint of nervous energy and finding at least a trace of it still there, narrowing his eyes in concern before gently taking her by the waist and rolling them both. Placing her on top of him.

Akane gasped at the swift movement, but she didn't run or flinch. He didn't seem mad at her, if anything it was as if HE was the one afraid of what she was thinking.

His unexpected movements had her now sitting on him, straddling his hips with a curious stare.

"What are you doing?" She barely said, now knowing he was not asking for sex, the look in his eyes was something new and totally different then anything she had ever seen.

For once she was actually able to feel his own energy, and her dragon translated what this odd prickly sensation coming from him was, making her eyes widen in surprise.

Sesshomaru was nervous, completely and honestly afraid she was angry with him.

He had never been this way with her before, not even the few times she had been truly angry.

Akane didn't like feeling this from her mate.
He shouldn't be scared of her, he should know by now that she understood his past actions.

"Look at me." He said, almost in his orderly tone but not as demanding.

"I thought I was." Again with an attempt at humor, but it wasn't working.

"You are avoiding my eyes all of a sudden." He pointed out, sounding hurt by it.

She had been. Because she hated seeing such a look on his face, and sensing such nervous energy from the one who was normally so calm and self controlled. So she made a point to lock eyes with him now.

God she missed that sunset shade of gold.

"I love your eyes." He said, as if thinking something close to her own thoughts.

That undid her a little, after all she was nervous about his actions too. He most likely was seeing and sensing the same things coming from her. They both had the right to feel this way given the circumstances of their last encounter together, even if they knew the real reason it had happened.

With a deep sigh, Akane quickly moved to lay against him, arms wrapping around his chest in a tight embrace.

"I missed you so much." She at last managed to say aloud.

"May I put my arm around you?" He asked while carefully doing so, as if afraid to scare her or something.

Akane hated how he sounded so nervous.

"You better!" She teased, and this caused him to relax a little too, chuckling as his arm pulled her closer.

"Just give me a moment to enjoy you, then we will continue..." He said with a rather satisfied sigh, fingers tracing down her spine and causing lovely shivers at the touch.

It felt like forever since he last touched her.

"Sesshomaru... Your heart is pounding like crazy right now." She was surprised, as he was normally so calm.

"Only you have that effect." He said as if it was a obvious thing, then he took in a deep breath as if taking in her scent, making her smile against his chest.

The two just stayed like that for who knows how long, taking in each others scent, warmth, and presence like a drug they had been without and desperately needed.

When Sesshomaru moved his arm away from her, Akane nearly whimpered from the loss of his pleasant weight.

"It's time for you to sit up again my Akane, but do not get off of me... please."

His words puzzled her, but she did as he so sweetly asked and once again sat up, watching as for some reason he moved his arm up and took a tight hold of the headboard above him.

"This Sesshomaru will not let go no matter what. You will be in control of whatever happens next, so do with me what you wish. I will deserve it." He said once more in the orderly tone, a hard fierce look in his eyes.

She frowned, mind going blank when trying to process what just came out his mouth.

"WHAT?!" Akane blinked down at him, not understanding what he wanted.

For the smallest of seconds he looked afraid, and released a breath before answering.

"I am giving you control over me Akane. You can punish me for hurting you, for trying to run away like a coward, and for being so weak minded as to forget you and allow that woman in my head. Do anything you like, my hand will not move from the headboard, and I will not defend myself."

She felt like her eyes couldn't get any bigger at this point.
He was being one hundred percent serious about this.

He's allowing her to PUNISH him?

Leaving himself totally vulnerable.

Akane couldn't believe this man.
There he was, hand clenching the wood above his head as if he expected a beating of a lifetime, and all just to prove he was sorry to her.

A part of her very soul melted at this.
This strong and prideful creature offering himself up to her like this...

Akane raised a hand as if to strike him, but all he did was swallow and keep looking her right in the eyes. She could see he was truly afraid of what she would do, but would let her thinking he deserved it.

Her hand moved down in a flash, Sesshomaru winced and closed his eyes but did nothing else.
When she ran her fingers over his face, instead of causing pain, those golden eyes shot open with confusion.

Then she leaned down so fast he actually jolted in shock.

"Kiss me." She ordered, mouth claiming his before he could react, tongue playing with his fangs.

This kiss lasted until they needed to breathe, and when she pulled back he was still very obviously confused.

"What are you doing?" Sesshomaru asked like she was insane to have kissed him.

"You said I could do whatever I want..."

"I don't deserve pleasure yet Akane." He stated, like it was a matter of fact thing.

She grinned a little, having already decided his 'punishment' and batted her eyes down at him innocently.

"Hmmm... maybe, and maybe not. But you said I could do ANYTHING to you and you would not let go of that headboard... Riiiiight?"

Realization took form in his expression, and he nodded slowly.

"Good boy." Akane said in a teasing tone before kissing him again, making sure to take her time and do the little things he loved, like biting his lower lip and playing with his tongue. He shifted beneath her, and she rubbed her chest against his, the only thing between them was that thin little black nightgown she had on.

She cut off the kiss and pulled back again, making him groan and stare wide eyed.

"I think getting to touch you while you have to be good and not move is plenty punishment, don't you?"

He simply nodded again, but the soft animal like whine that left his throat made her laugh.
Clearly he was now regretting his promise to not move.

With a evil smile she went back, fingers tangling in his hair as she turned his head for a kiss at a different angle.

Her free hand roamed his bare chest, taking her sweet time to trace her fingers all over the smooth skin and muscles that she had been drawing lately in such detail.

Sesshomaru really was a work of art.

Beautiful and deadly.

Every touch reminded her just how easily this body was made to hunt and kill, a dangerous predator wrapped in the disguise of a otherworldly handsome man. A man that she had missed beyond words.

A sigh of pleasure left her lips in between tasting and nipping at his own, both hands now lowering themselves down his chest and past his stomach. Stopping to teasingly tracing feather light circles on his skin just above where his pants rested until he was moaning.

Akane could feel his muscles bunch and move from the strain of holding back, keeping his promise and not moving to touch her in any way. She could tell his inner beast was not happy about it as sounds of barely concealed frustration mixed with that of pleasure while she fingers and hands danced across him.

Without thinking she began to cover him in light kisses, following his jawline and going down his neck, flicking out her tongue now and then and loving the little noises he made each time.

She kissed her way to his chest, one hand moving to support her above him while the other continued it's slow move downwards. When she felt him arch his back as her fingers went inside his pants she froze, eyes looking up to catch him watching her with the sexiest, most helpless and aroused look she had ever seen.

She smiled, teasingly rocking against him, and a pleading sound escaped the barely in control yokai, so she decided to play nice despite how much she wanted to take advantage of this silly promise of his.

"Roll to your side for me." Akane said simply. Not an order, but not asking either.

Sesshomaru obeyed without question, carefully moving so that he was on his side, which of course made her move to a similar position. Now they were laying face to face, his eyes searching hers with unasked questions.

"You can touch me now." She said with an innocent smile.

"Thank the gods." He breathed out, with a look of embarrassment at just how relieved he sounded.

"Your welcome. Because it was SO tempting to make you regret this, I mean, I could easily have started to tickle you to death and there would be nothing you could do about it." Akane pointed out with a tiny evil grin.

"You would not!" Was the horrified gasp of a reply.

Oh how cute he was with that look of terror on his face...

The great Lord Sesshomaru and his one weakness, tickle torture.

"I could have, but I didn't." She sang out playfully.

Sesshomaru stared wide eyed for a moment before seeming to understand she was joking.

"Ah... Well, I am most grateful of your mercy... But are you truly not angry with me for-"

"Shut up or I'll use the necklace!" Akane snapped, narrowing her eyes in warning.

Thankfully he clamped his mouth shut and once more just stared at her.

Akane let out a small fake annoyed sigh and moved to flick the moon on his forehead.

"I told you to touch me. Not bring up the very thing I was trying to get your mind off." She pouted.

He nodded, making that 'Hn' sound of his before reaching his hand out and fixing her bangs.

"I shall go very slowly, and carefully." He said, and when she frowned at the odd words he matched her previous annoyed sigh with one of his own.

"I intend to make you trust me again... after last time" He added carefully, as if worried she would yell again for him bringing it up, but she decided not to.

"I never stoped trusting you, and besides we already know why you acted that way, no reason to dwell on it." She pointed out with a smile, taking his hand away from her hair and placing it above her heart.

Relief washed over his face and she could sense a great difference in his energy, or aura, whichever it was that she could sense more strongly then before, she knew he was at last calming down.

"Yes, we both know why, but I-" Sesshomaru tried to protest, but she covered his mouth with her hand.

"Don't ruin the mood babe." She said with her stern no room for debate voice.

He nodded behind her hand and then much to her surprise licked her palm as she removed it from his lips.

"Did I say that I missed you?" He immediately said as she laughed about his little lick.

Akane got a thoughtful look, pretending to think it over.

"Hmm. I don't think so..."

He smiled a bit, the first time since being in her presence again, making her smile back.

"Then let me show you. You told me I could touch you now after all." Sesshomaru said with the heated look coming back into his golden eyes.

Akane shivered, having missed seeing that look.

She had missed everything about this man.

"Just HOW will you show me?" She asked, pretending to be clueless, tilting her head and batting her eyes.

This caused him to chuckle again as he moved his hand from her heart to cup her breast.

"Well... What I want to do, would be strip you, then myself. Make you scream in pleasure and drown out the memories of the last time we had a night together." He said smoothly, like talking of the weather.

"I think that sounds heavenly."

"Hn. But as much as I would love to do just that, I will go slow. It has been so long, and I want to take every inch of you slowly and make it mine again."

Akane blushed, but wasn't surprised to hear this, after what had happened.

"I have taken so many showers since coming home, and used so much lotion and things to make my skin fresh and clean. Please tell me I don't still smell like Naraku..." She asked nervously.

"No. You only smell of my mate. But the fact my own scent has faded so much on your skin saddens me greatly." He sighed a bit, a hint of sadness but was quickly replaced by that growing desire as he locked eyes with her.

"No more spider talk. While it is true we have much to discuss, that is not for tonight. I want tonight to focus only on covering you with my scent... My mate."

Akane had little time to respond, none actually, before he pulled her nightgown up and over her head in one swoop.

"I'm surprised you didn't rip it off." She said with a laugh at his sudden eagerness, clearly all of that nervous energy from before was long gone now. He was back to being her Sesshomaru.

At her comment he blinked, and looked over at the black silk nightgown now on the floor.

"I rather like that one. And it is by far easier to remove then some of your other more form fitting items." He grinned, showing those fangs off as if pleased with himself for not ripping it off her.

"Your such a good boy, not destroying ALL my night clothes." She laughed, finding him cute at the moment.

"Hn. I do try to be good... but only for you." Then he moved his hand, supporting himself as his head moved down and his tongue flicked out to taste her now fully exposed bare breast.

"Ah! And yet I have a feeling your about to be a very naughty puppy." She couldn't help but tease.

"How ridiculous that I have missed you teasing me about being a dog!" He laughed against her, resting his head on her breast and laughed again, a warm heartfelt sound that melted her very soul even more then his touch.

"Well you better have enjoyed the break, because I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me now."

Sesshomaru looked up, a strange expression in his eyes before he moved to hover over her, pressing her down with his lowered bodyweight onto the bed, face now inched away.

"I hated every second without you. Why do you think that woman had to erase you from my memories? Now do be silent so that I can take my time ravishing you until the sun rises."

And indeed, he did.