Disneyanimationfan: well, that's not exactly what I have here, but hopefully it's still just as impactful :D
Entry 88
I didn't think I'd be writing in this book again. But somehow… I've found hope, even if it's a long shot.
Astrid found me, standing on the docks with my eyes trained on the now empty seas. And… she started talking. At first, it only served to make me feel worse, and I asked a question, not expecting (or even knowing) the answer.
"Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods? Would've been better, for everyone…"
"Yep," Astrid said. "The rest of us would have done it. So why didn't you?" She paused waiting for an answer I couldn't give. "Why didn't you?" She asked again, and I knew I couldn't just ignore her.
"I don't know. I couldn't."
"That's not an answer."
"Why is this so important to you, all of the sudden?" I snapped.
"Because I want to remember what you say, right now."
Why was she pressuring me like this? I just lost everything I cared about; I didn't want to talk about it. "Oh, for the love of- I was a coward. I was weak. I wouldn't kill a dragon!"
"You said 'wouldn't' that time."
"Whatever! I wouldn't!" I yelled. "Three hundred years and I'm the first Viking who wouldn't kill a dragon!" She looked at me, seemingly having gotten her answer. So, I turned away, furious at everything, at my dad, at my people, at the WORLD. And then, she said one last thing.
"First to ride one, though. So…?"
And with that one sentence, it all became clear. The very thing I'd been struggling to understand myself for the past two months. Why couldn't I kill Toothless? Why did I befriend him? Why did I help him learn to fly again? Why… did he mean so much to me? I blinked as a wave of realization washed over me. "I couldn't kill him… because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him… and I saw myself." I turned back to Astrid.
"I bet he's really frightened now. What're you gonna do about it?"
What was I going to do about it? What COULD I do about it? What hope was there that I could change things? I looked back at Astrid, and… she was serious. She really, actually believed in me. Even after everything I'd done, she believed I could fix this.
I couldn't let her down too.
"Eh, probably somethin' stupid," I said, beginning to feel hopeful again.
"Good, but you've already done that," she replied.
Yeah, I guess trying to tame a dragon in front of everyone was pretty stupid… but maybe not a lost cause… My eyes widened, an idea beginning to stir. What if we DID tame the captive dragons on Berk, and use them to fight? It's an insane idea, but… I literally have nothing left to lose. "Then something crazy…" I trailed off, running back toward town. Astrid caught up to me, and I told her to gather the other kids and meet me in the Ring. She agreed, and we parted ways.
Now, I'm at home gathering some supplies for this final idea. I think I know how we can beat that Queen… but I need Toothless to do it. I just hope the others will listen to me better than the adults… but I have a feeling that with Astrid on my side, that won't be too big a problem.
I'm going to bond those dragons with each of us, and we're going to ride them to the Nest. Then, as soon as I have Toothless again, I need to get him to shoot the Queen. I didn't see any wings on it when we were at the Nest the first time, so that could be a problem but… I can't think about that now. If we can get it angry enough to fire, I can have Toothless ignite the gas. I saw him do it to a Terror the day we flew successfully for the first time, and I learned that dragons aren't fireproof inside. If we ignite the Queen from the inside out, we're sure to win. Yes. This just might work.
But just in case I don't make it… I need to get one last thing down before I head to the Kill Ring. And then, I'm going to leave this book on the table, so it's easy to find.
...
Dad… if you ever find this book… I want you to know something. I don't blame you for what you said. It hurt a lot, and I don't know how long it'll take to recover from that but… I don't think it's your fault. You're just following what we've believed for hundreds of years.
I used to believe it too. Until I met Toothless. He showed me how wrong I was, and I'm sorry I couldn't show you. I just hope that you'll come to learn it on your own, someday.
Even if you said otherwise… I know I'm still your son. There's no denying that I had to get my stubbornness from somewhere! (sorry, humor always tries to find its way in…). So if I don't make it back when this is all over, just know… I forgive you.
Your son,
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III
And with that, Hiccup is done writing for a while. Join me next time for a new character to enter this journal! ;D
