Nessie's POV
"Professor, I want to thank you so much for your patience with me," I'm on the phone with my physics professor from the University of Washington Seattle, "I know that I've taken a long time to get back to you on this opportunity."
"Ms. Black, I have to say I am relieved that you have decided to take on the assistant professor job but from what I can see from your course load this semester, are you sure you can handle the additional work?" Prof McNamara asks.
"I'm sure. Oh, and professor, it's Ms. Cullen now," I reply.
"Well, I can see you've been busy this summer. Congratulations!" Prof McNamara congratulates me.
"Uh… thanks," I reply rather than explain to him that I was actually going back to Cullen from Black. "I'll see you next week so we can coordinate."
"Enjoy your last week of freedom," He chuckles before hanging up the phone.
I inhale and smile a little. It feels good to make plans. I've been stewing in my melancholy for weeks. Of course, I play the upbeat mom for River. I don't want to spoil our time together with the drama. I can't believe Jacob hasn't told our son that he knocked up that waitress yet. I kept his secret. It's not my place.
I look around the empty beach house. River was so excited to go off with Misty and their friends that I didn't say anything. But I really wished he would have stayed. I only have a couple of days left and then I'm never coming back here again. After that, River will have to come to me. I walk to the kitchen and open the wine fridge. I haven't had a drink since I found out about Jacob's baby. I was afraid if I started I wouldn't be able to stop. I close the fridge.
My phone vibrates. It's Foxworth.
"Hey you," I answer.
"Hey you," he replies, "how'd it go?"
"I accepted the job," I reply, climbing the stairs to the master bedroom.
"Congratulations, kitten," he says, "Emma is so proud of you. She may audit a class or two to watch you in action. I don't know how y'all do it… repeating school over and over. Big pass."
I chuckle, "it's not for everyone."
"I signed the lease on the new house and sent for your things. Don't worry about a thing, just show up," Fox says.
I exhale, "I really appreciate that." After Emma's minibar meltdown we decided that it would be in her best interest to create a little bit more stability for her. While my father, mother and Emmett and Rose moved on to start highschool again… yuck… Fox, Emma and I are staying behind for a little family time. Just the three of us.
"What are you wearing?" Fox asks flirtatiously. I imagine him with his signature shark grin, always two sets of teeth on display.
"Hah," I grin, "checkered sweats and an XXL hoodie," I answer him as I flop down on the king sized bed in the master bedroom.
"What? Go get dressed and celebrate your new job!" Fox scolds me.
"I don't much feel like celebrating," I reply honestly and roll onto my stomach, "besides, I don't think there are any decent places around here for that."
"Fair enough, I'll plan something for when you get here," he says, "call when you're on your way back, yeah?"
"Yeah," I reply, "goodnight, Fox"
"Goodnight, Ness," he hangs up.
When the call ends I look at my phone. It's 11:30pm. Maybe I should go out. I open the Maps app on my phone. The only decent looking place is some dive called The Switchyard. It might be fun to get dressed up and have a drink alone. It beats what I've been doing recently… hanging around in sweats, sulking.
So that's what I'll do.
By the time I arrive at The Switchyard it is just past midnight and I am surprised to see that the pub is packed. La Push always seemed like a sleepy town to me. I guess things change. I wait by the door as the hostess tries to find room for me. After waiting for 10 minutes I am about to leave but then I see Jacob park his truck near the glass doors.
Oh, fuck.
I'm trapped between the front doors and the hostess table. I look around desperately.
"I'm sorry, we won't have something for you for like 15 minutes," the hostess says. I look towards the doors again just in time to see him open the passenger side door for her. My heart breaks a little. Seeing Jacob offer small acts of chivalry for someone else bothers me deeply.
"My ex is outside," I explain to the hostess. I can hear the panic in my voice. I don't want him to see me. Not while he's with her.
"Oh…" the hostess says looking around me, "um… there's a spot at the bar, Go, go, go," she quickly ushers me away from the door.
"Thank you," I whisper.
"Girl, I get it," she nods.
I inhale deeply and shimmy onto the bar stool the best I can. I cross my legs to the side of the stool. This is so uncomfortable. If I knew I would be on a bar stool I would have worn pants. I adjust my white oxford dress. I regret wearing it, I feel like the off-the-shoulder dress is going to slip down and expose me any minute. I pull up one of the thigh-high boots that I wore to avoid shaving my legs. I can see Jacob and the girl through the reflection of a nearby window as they wait for a table. I'll just pretend that I don't see them.
"Excuse me," I wave to the bartender, "9 oz Pinot Grigio, please."
"Nice dress," she says reaching into the wine fridge under the bar and pours the drink.
"Thanks, it's really uncomfortable… nice tats," I reply, admiring her full sleeve of dreamcatchers and rose tattoos.
"Thanks, they hurt like hell," she says, putting the glass down in front of me and then moved on to the next customer.
I sip the wine slowly, keeping my eyes fixed straight ahead. When I check the reflection again they're gone. Did they leave? I would be so relieved if Jacob saw me and left.
"Excuse me… miss," a man says from behind me. When I turn to look at him I catch a brief glimpse of Jacob and Brielle at a table together on the other side of the pub… Looks like they're on a date. My heart hurts and jealousy burns in my stomach.
"Yes?" I reply to the man politely, he's kind of tall...not like Jacob but still tall...and scruffy.
"I was wondering if I could join you," he offers.
Oh? Ohhhhhh. He's trying to pick me up.
"That's very nice of you to offer. I actually just want to be alone tonight but thank you," I reply. I can't.
"Of course, I'll be around if you change your mind" he gives me a nod and walks off.
Now that I know exactly where they are sitting, I have to fight my urge to turn around and gawk at them. There is no handy reflection pointing in their direction. I tap my glass, reminding myself to drink slowly as to not give away my nervousness.
"Good evening," a second man approaches me.
I again turn him down with the same line. By the time a third man offers to keep me company within a 15 minute timeframe, I am considering just going back to the beach house and drinking on the porch. At least there I can put my sweats back on.
I wonder if I can get out of here without him seeing me see him.
"Order up! Jacob Black!" A waitress shouts out and puts a paper takeout bag on the edge of the bar almost directly in front of me. My heart starts thumping and I feel my cheeks flush immediately. Jacob is going to have to walk up here and claim his order. I keep looking forward. What do I say? Do I say anything? What if he says something? Should I just run?
"Thank you," a woman's voice replies softly. It's not Jacob. It's her; Brielle. I glance over to look at her, getting a better look at the woman he chose over me. My eyes discreetly scan her from top to bottom. She is petite. No taller than 5'3" in jeans and a lavender cardigan. She has tan olive skin similar to Jacob's, very dark eyes with silky pin straight brown hair. When she smiles at the waitress I observe a very slight gap between her front teeth, behind her pink lips that are void of a cupid's bow. Augh, I was hoping she'd be ugly.
Her small hand reaches out and takes the bag. Then I see it… The moonstone ring… My moonstone ring on her dainty little hand as she pulls the takeout bag off the bar… He proposed to her with my ring? My heart shatters into a million pieces. I feel my breath catch in my throat. How could he do that? I thought it meant something. I thought we meant something. He couldn't even give her a different fucking ring?
I turn completely around on the bar stool just in time to see Jacob come out of the men's room. I look directly at him. Searching his eyes for some recognition that the man I fell in love with was still in there. I lean back against the bar. His expression is null of emotion; his eyes are glossed over. I don't recognise the person looking back at me.
"Hey," a familiar voice distracts me, "how are you?" Embry asks.
"Miserable," I reply, looking up at him, I turn back around so I don't have to look at the man who destroyed my heart anymore.
"Want some company?" he asks.
"Misery loves company! Have a seat," I smack the leather stool next to me and lean over the bar to wave at the bartender, "shots! We're doing tequila shots!" I down the rest of my pinot and push the wine glass aside.
"Uh… beer for me," Embry says to the bartender, attempting to chicken out.
"Come on," I pout.
"Okay. One shot," he says.
"Three shots for my friend, here," I grin.
The bartender returns with six tequila shots, a salt shaker, lime wedges and Embry's beer.
"I don't do shots," Embry says, picking up the small glass.
"Salt, shot, lime," I explain quickly and take a lick of salt off my wrist, shoot back the tequila and put the lime between my teeth. The tequila goes down hot and makes me feel warm inside. God it feels good.
When I look back at Embry he is struggling to swallow the tequila. When he finally does get it down he starts coughing.
I burst into laughter, "lime! Lime!" I remind him, "oh, no… you're really bad at this," I lean over the bar, "and water for my friend."
Embry coughs, "you're not my friend. Friends don't do this to other friends," he smirks sucking on the lime with a sour face.
"I'm sorry," I laugh and attempt to slide his remaining two shots towards me.
"No, no, no," he pulls them back, "I can't let you do that. You'll be wasted," he says sipping his beer, "you look nice," he says motioning to my outfit.
"Hm," I look down at my dress and suede boots then take my second shot, "thanks… I think I'm overdressed for this place," I admit. Jacob probably thought I looked like an idiot, sitting here in this dress and these boots. I finally gain the courage to glance over my shoulder. Jacob and Brielle are gone.
"A bit," he says, "there aren't any establishments around here where an outfit like that would make you fit in."
There's a long silence. Embry takes his second tequila shot and manages not to choke.
"Good job. You're getting better," I congratulate him, though his face still gives away how much he hates shooting tequila.
I can't get Jacob out of my mind. It's kind of pathetic. My mind keeps running through scenarios where he takes her home and does all of the kind, sweet and generous things he did for me when I was pregnant… Before everything got all fucked up.
"It's awful," he says, washing away the taste with beer. I can see that he is getting pretty tipsy already. I guess he isn't much of a drinker.
"He brought her here," I whisper, unable to hold back any longer.
"... I know… I'm sorry," he replies after a long silence.
"Is she nice?" I ask licking salt off my wrist.
"I don't know, Ness. I've never met her," he sighs, "he doesn't exactly bring her around."
I lift my last shot glass, my eyes well up with tears, "cheers… to their happiness, I guess," my voice is strained and full of hurt and loss. I shoot the last shot back. When I tilt my head back the tears roll down my cheeks.
"Nessie…." Embry says sympathetically. "It's his loss. You know that, right?" he says grabbing a bar napkin and dabs my damp cheeks, "he's always going to love you and only you for the rest of his life. That's how it works."
I scoff with a disapproving huff. And yet Jacob's dumped me twice, "yeah? And how do you know how it works?" I ask harshly. He's never imprinted. Maybe it's all just a bunch of bullshit. I look over to see a hurt expression on Embry's face. "Shit… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," I regret being so blunt. I know how much it bothers him and he has never imprinted after all these years.
"No… you're right. I don't know and I probably never will" he sighs.
"You're going to find someone," I reassure him.
"Yeah? Maybe I won't," he says, downing the rest of his beer, "and maybe Jake and you never find a way back to each other. Maybe life is just shit and there is no destiny and we're all just stumbling around without a roadmap going fucking no where. Cheers," he mutters and shoots his last shot down. His analogy is not eloquent at all.
"You're drunk," I reply.
"You know, I came over here to make you feel better. Now I feel like shit," Embry crosses his arms.
"Yeah… I'm just that good," I chuckle.
He smiles, shaking his head with a soft laugh. He has nice teeth. I've never noticed his teeth before. They're nice… Yeah, I'm drunk too.
I don't want to be alone tonight.
"Hey, um... Do you wanna get out of here?" I ask, feeling brave.
He looks at me. His smile fading away as though he is calculating risk vs. benefit of what I am suggesting.
His contemplation takes too long and I begin to chicken out, "uh, nevermind. Forget that I-"
"Yeah," he cuts me off, "I do."
"Oh… Okay...Um, check please," I wave to the bartender and open my purse to get out my credit card.
"Stop," Embry says putting his hand over mine when I attempt to pay for our drinks, "Kate, put all this on my tab," he says motioning to the beer bottle, empty wine glass and shot glasses. He then takes me by the hand, pulling me to the exit. Once we're outside the chill of the night air startles me. Suddenly it seems like the summer is gone. It's kind of sad. Embry hangs his coat over my shoulders, "stay warm," he whispers. The gesture makes me smile. It's been a long time since I've been offered a coat.
"I don't think either of us are in the condition to drive," I thread my fingers with his' as he guides me through the parking lot. His hands are big and hot to the touch. They remind me of Jacob's.
"I live close by. We can walk," he says as we get to the edge of the parking lot and glances down the road both ways. It's clear so we cross.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"Here," he nods to the entrance to a trailer park campground. I glance around. It's lovely. Lots of people are outside, bundled up around campfires, enjoying the last bit of remaining summer under strings of twinkle lights. "It's not usually this crowded. Summer people, you know. It'll be dead around here next week. Just this way; watch your step," he says, helping me through the rocky terrain as I try not to roll my ankle in these boots. We come to a double-wide trailer with a light blue exterior.
I stand behind Embry, looking around at the beautiful pines that surround the grounds as he unlocks the trailer.
"Sorry about the mess… I wasn't expecting…" he says, and rushes around the space, attempting to tidy up.
"It's nice," I say, looking around as I walk inside and close the door behind me. It wasn't what I expected the inside of a trailer to look like. Wood floors, leather furniture and an old-style jukebox in the corner. I walk over to it, "nice jukebox… wait, is this authentic?" I ask, sliding his jacket off my shoulders and hang it over the back of the couch.
"Uh, yeah… I got it at an estate sale," he says from the bedroom portion of the trailer where I can see he is quickly making the bed.
I look away from him, feeling flustered when I see him preparing the bed "uh… does it work?" I ask, full of nerves.
"Yeah, the wiring is a little shotty, though, so I keep it unplugged," Embry says returning from the bedroom. He leans against the kitchenette's counter and points to the floor where the plug lays. "I'm still collecting records so not all the letter/number combinations work. Once it's full, I'll get labels printed"
I lean down and pick up the cord and plug it into the wall socket. The jukebox lights up. The cold air from our walk outside has sobered me a little bit. I'm feeling less brave now than I did at The Switchyard so I am prolonging our time out here in the living room. My eyes fall to the jukebox again. The button combinations range from A ot K and 1 to 10. I select 'E' for Embry, "what's your birth month?" I ask him, keeping my eyes focused on the machine, afraid to look up at him and give away my hesitation. Afterall, it was I who suggested we come here and do this.
"October," he replies from the counter where he is perched.
"E10," I whisper, punching in the number, "good thing you weren't born in November," I reply as the numbers on the jukebox don't go any higher than 10. I watch the machine come to life, the needle lifts and all of the records move on a belt until the disk assigned to E10 is discharged from the stack. It descends onto the platter of the record player and begins to spin. The needle settles down on the black disk.
These Arms of Mine by Otis Redding begins to play softly.
How appropriate, my inner dialogue is not impressed with the emotional accuracy of the random selection. A song about loneliness.
I'm suddenly aware of Embry standing directly behind me. I don't move a muscle. I am frozen in place with my eyes fixed on the jukebox. His hands rest on either side of my upper arms. I inhale sharply when he leans down and grazes his hot lips against my exposed shoulder. He kisses a slow trail up to my neck; his warm body pressed against my back. I am still unable to calm my nerves. My teeth are firmly clenched together.
Embry pulls my arm gently, guiding me to turn around. He takes my chin between his fingers and tilts my face up to look at him. "Are you okay?" he asks, perhaps reading the uncertainty on my face.
I nod and give him a reassuring smile even though I am now deeply conflicted about this entire thing.
"Do you want to go to the bedroom?" he asks.
No.
"Sure," I manage to get out. I allow him to guide me to the back of the trailer by the hand.
Embry sits down on the foot of the bed, pulling me to rest on his lap. He cups my jaw in his hand, finally pulling me into a soft kiss. I close my eyes. The kiss reminds me of Jacob and I feel a small jolt of guilty excitement.
The jury is still out on how Embry is related to anyone in the pack of shapeshifters. He could very well be Jacob's half brother. Billy died before that was ever resolved. That could be why the kiss reminds me of Jacob. I try to put that from my mind.
His lips migrate to my neck and I try to just focus on the moment and not overthink it.
My eyes snap open when I feel Embry tug at the zipper of one of my thigh-high boots.
"I uh... I didn't shave my legs," I admit.
"That's okay," he smirks, "neither did I."
I laugh at his joke, "maybe I'll leave them on?"
"Sure," he replies, resting his hand on my thigh and attempts to kiss me again. However, I turn my face away, impulsively.
I glance back at him, "I'm sorry," I whisper when he makes eye contact with me. His face is inquisitive as he waits for me to say something else. But my voice is trapped in my throat. I don't know what to say.
Embry clears his throat and shifts, allowing me to move from his lap to sit on the bed next to him, "we don't have to do this," he says.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, leaning back on my palms and look up at the ceiling. I really wish that I could do this.
"Don't apologize," he replies.
"No… This was my idea and-"
"You're allowed to change your mind," he reassures me, "I could tell something was off. I should have stopped sooner. I'm sorry," he apologizes to me.
"I'm gonna… I guess I'll go," I stand from the bed.
"It's late and you've had a lot to drink" Embry replies standing with me, "stay… I'll be a gentleman. I promise," he offers.
I think about going back to the beach house, empty and alone, "I'd like that," I whisper.
Embry walks over to the dresser at the side of the room, digs through a drawer and produces a t-shirt and plaid pyjama pants, "you'll probably swim in the fabric of these but it's gotta be more comfortable than what you've got on," he says.
"Thank you," I excuse myself to the tiny bathroom to change and take off my makeup. When I return Embry has left the bedroom and is laying on the couch with a pillow and sheet.
"You don't have to do that," I say, from the doorway of the bedroom, "there's lots of room. Come to bed."
Embry doesn't say anything, he just gets up and walks to the bedroom, turning off the light on the way in. The room is dark apart from the flickering of light dancing on the wall from the campfires outside. We both slide into the bed.
Once the silence sets in, despite not being physically alone, the loneliness washes over me as it has every night since I realized that Jacob and I were truly done. I had foolishly allowed myself to believe that we could get us back. The euphoria of that possibility had consumed me entirely. Not anymore. Now I was just empty. Tears roll down my cheeks just as they have every night over the past weeks. I am almost able to get away with my silent despair until my runny nose betrays me and I am forced to sniffle.
"Ness?" Embry whispers beside me, "are you crying?"
My body no longer holds back now that I have been discovered. I sob into my hands.
Two warm arms reach out and pull me in. Embry cradles me against his chest, stroking my hair, allowing me to take comfort in his embrace despite just moments ago denying him whatever comfort he was searching for in me.
I don't know at which point I fell asleep but when I awoke I was thankful for a warm bed and caring arms on a lonely night.
More chapters coming soon.
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