A/N: Ohh boy are you guys ready for this chapter? Because I'm sure not. This one, I believe, is the one that really hurts me and it is just one big pile of sadness and angst (and I do not apologize for any of it muahaha). Anywho, school just started for me and I have to yet again find a proper schedule for it, but so far, the only one that seems to be really heavy on the work is my Native American Literature class (of course an English class would have a lot of work. Who would've thunk?) and here's hoping I don't get overwhelmed with that.
Let's get into this angst, y'all. What do you say? I'm already preparing to hand out the tissues (and hiding behind a wall, please don't throw things at me XD). Who's ready? I'm not ready. You're not ready. No one's ready.
So let's just dive in, yeah?
Reviews
silhouette amongst stars- Oh no, not your brain hole DX. I greatly enjoyed writing that scene with Willowflame and Roseberry and Flarekitty- I don't often get to write the Willow and Rose sisters (cause… you know… death.) I really think Flarepaw is still too nervous to ask about her mother from Roseberry, but that may change eventually. Yeah, these chapters are a bit shorter than my normal word count, but mostly because I didn't want to add another perspective and take away the attention from all this sh- uhh, bad things happening in Blazeclan. Don't worry though, it'll be done soon and I'll have the usual two-perspectives per chapter (probably sooner than you think). Are you ready for a revolution? Huh… I suddenly regret asking that question XD. Now that fact about the lizards and dragons is gonna stay in my head for the rest of my life. Thanks for cursing me XD.
Snailpaw (Guest)- That's fine, you don't have to review on every single one, but it is appreciated! I think we all want Wildfire to fall into a ditch and never get back out. (Even more after this chapter hehe). I am indeed a lesbian, yes. As for tips for coming out to your parents, well uhh… I think first and foremost is to make sure that it is safe for you to come out (just in case, and I don't want to make assumptions about your parents or scare you into not doing it; but just in case, make sure you have somewhere or someplace or someone you can go to for support and that you know will be there for you). Above all else, I have to say, come out when it is safe for you; and also another thing- don't feel like you have to come out if you aren't ready. You can do it whenever you want or not at all and that's all okay! But if you do feel like you're ready, then I wish you the best of luck friend :). Luckily for me, my parents were mostly accepting (kind of, it's confusing) and they leave me to my own devices for the most part. I am always willing to lend an ear if you ever need someone to talk to though.
Someone (Guest)- I mean, I didn't say they were dead yet (muahaha). Oh yeah, there's definitely another mental breakdown incoming, strap yourselves in everybody. You see, when I was making the ranks and everything, I just added cats in mostly random places, and sometimes (looking at you Forestclan) it is painfully disproportionate with the ranks and numbers in them. You are right though, Artisans and Nobles should have the largest numbers, and Commoners- at least now because in the past, as stated before, they had the largest numbers- should have the smallest. But I was an idiot and didn't think that far ahead. I wish I had a good reason for the rank sizes but nah it was just me being an idiot, whoops XD. Ranks and systems like a hierarchy have always intrigued me and they make for great storytelling. That is pretty ironic now that I think about it haha. Aha but what if that is the point? That fire is more dangerous than a storm? (Forget what I said earlier, I'm a total genius and never mess up anything XD). The only fact that I knew from that list was about the koala/gorilla/chimp fingerprints being similar to humans haha. You learn something new every day. I do like reading reviews so it's not a problem: I have a sort of love-hate relationship with things involving space. Like, I don't really like science fiction with space and galaxy battles and all that (don't burn me at the stake for saying this please, but I'm not a fan of Star Wars because of that) but I do find a lot of facts interesting about it. I knew none of the things you said and now I'm a bit more terrified with black holes XD. Oh, Whiteshadow has definitely not seen the last of Phantom, but to answer your question: it really depends on a lot of things. How intent on killing each other they are, how much energy they have, if there are any distractions, what their main goal is. If it was just a straight-up fight to the death both trying to kill each other with no distractions- and no fair play at all- then I think I can say that Phantom will win by the skin of his teeth. Just a little, it really is a flip of a coin though and anything could happen in a fight between the two of them.
EbonyClaw (Guest)- In last Friday's session, I may or may not have been the reason there was almost a TPK (whoops). I felt so guilty after it, but by the grace of my DM, she was merciful and didn't kill all of us XD. I still feel so bad, but none of my friends seemed like they were mad so I think I'm okay (but character-wise, I think my PC is gonna feel super guilty. Like, unhealthy levels of guilt so I look forward to roleplaying that. Shouldn't be too hard, I still feel pretty bad haha). Oof, I don't think I can ever stay up super late to do a session- our sessions are usually from 4-7 pm so it's not too bad, and sometimes we do go a bit over, but that's already a lot for me haha. It is indeed very fun and now that I have a better understanding of most things, I do look forward to playing other classes/characters so that's something to think about!
Cyai- Hiya! I do remember you, don't worry. I missed you haha. All this suffering is just a dream, it's okay XD. We'll all wake up soon and we'll be happy. Aww, thanks. It's okay, I do the same thing with reading fanfiction as well (right now I'm in the Critical Role fandom but I always jump back to the RWBY fandom to read). I always get so excited going back to a fandom I haven't been to in a while and finding that the stories I follow have updated a lot. I thoroughly enjoyed writing that part, I was so excited to do it (even though, yeah, it's a pretty brutal scene). I look forward to any chapter that you'll be able to review on. Until next time!
Thanks to everybody who reviewed!
Let's get started!
…
Blazeclan
…
"Sootpaw, get up. You're going to be late for training."
A grunt was his only response, and from somewhere off to the side, Bluepaw let out a heavy sigh. With the early morning light weak and streaming into the den, Sootpaw was glad he had his nest nearest the back of the den so he wouldn't be woken up by the sun shining on his face.
Especially right now, where his body felt sore, muscles screaming with even the slightest shift of movement and his skin stretching and pulling at the cuts he had miraculously managed to clean up last night.
He really didn't want to get up right now, but of course, Bluepaw didn't know that- and his adopted brother was just watching out for him is all.
"Come on, you don't want to make a bad impression on Thornblaze so soon, do you?"
Only a handful of days into their apprenticeship and it was safe to say that Sootpaw's stubbornness- difficultness to obey the rules- was already starting to get in the way of his training and from forming a bond with his mentor. The others had congratulated him upon getting Thornblaze to be his teacher, the lead Commoner was apparently very kind and sought after as a mentor.
And at first, Sootpaw was right there with him, counting himself as lucky and privileged.
But of course, things were never what they seemed- the only reason Thornblaze had chosen him as opposed to the others was to make Sootpaw clean up his act. A rambunctious individual who needed to be taught discipline and order.
(Thornblaze didn't say those words specifically, but Sootpaw could connect the dots.)
Apparently antagonizing the High Ranks to protect your friends was seen as a bad thing. Thornblaze wouldn't understand- the lead Commoner was just as much as a coward as the rest of them. It wasn't Sootpaw's fault he was the only one brave enough to not sit down and lick the ground the High Ranks stepped on. He was too busy trying to race ahead of them.
"Sootpaw-"
"I'm up!" The grey-furred tom groaned, his voice a rough croak and heavy with sleep. He shifted slightly to attempt to sit up and his entire body seized up immediately in pain. Last night had been a particularly rough one- he had been caught wandering around outside of camp by Ashtail and Dawnspot. Apparently, there were also night patrols- who knew? Whatever the case, Ashtail, in particular, had been brutal and swift with his punishment, forcibly dragging Sootpaw back and clawing him whenever Sootpaw tried to wriggle out of his grasp.
He had dragged himself into the Commoner's Den and held his breath and prayed and begged and hoped that none of his friends would wake up and see him in such a bruised and battered state. Luckily, none of them had, and Sootpaw had crawled into his den after cleaning his cuts enough to stop them from bleeding and collapsed into his world of dreams.
Completely forgetting that he had a training session at dawn.
Now, if he was being honest, he was a bit scared to move. Even that subtle shift was a terrible reminder of his wounds that were mostly still fresh, hastily covered by lengths of his fur as they were. He couldn't hide all of them, of course, but the worst ones he had been able to so he just had to hope for the best and pray that Bluepaw wouldn't notice. His brother was caring but so timid- he panicked at the first sign of blood and proceeded to keep panicking even long after it was gone.
"Hurry up, I can't be late either. Ravenflight is nice, but she's strict and I really don't want to know what it's like being on her bad side."
Luckily for Sootpaw, his brother was too preoccupied with readying himself for his own training session, giving himself a simple cleaning before striding out of the den with excitement in his steps. The new possibilities and freedom being an apprentice gave them had come with sweltering levels of enthusiasm and a healthy craving of curiosity wishing to be sated. While Bluepaw was still shy and easily frightened, he was always ready to learn something new.
Sootpaw just loved being in the forest- the beech trees stretching tall with thick trunks and branches that he could sleep on comfortably and still have room to move in his sleep as he often did. The foliage of leaves that changed with the season and the fields of bluebell flowers that he often found when he wandered… all of it held a mystical air that fascinated him. The scents, the sounds, the atmosphere- all of it held secrets that he was dying to see for himself.
It was why he wandered at night, plagued with insomnia and limitless reserves of energy that left him buzzing and always two seconds away from exploding into a run. It was entirely unfair that the Low Ranks had a curfew.
Selfish High Ranks wanting to keep such a beautiful world to themselves- not if Sootpaw could help it!
...He only slightly regretted it now, feeling his skin pinch and pull as he worked up the nerve to attempt once more at standing. As much as he wanted to just sleep his aches away until the late afternoon, Bluepaw was right. Thornblaze would be waiting for him and though Sootpaw was indifferent towards the lead Commoner, he did care a little bit about making a good- well, decent enough impression.
Gritting his teeth, tears pricked at the corner of his sunset eyes as he squeezed them shut, moving one paw, then two in a position to push himself up. It damn near took his breath away when he did, the fresh wave of pain and disagreement that his body gave. He felt like dropping right back into his nest, his bones brittle and his joints feeling as though they were about to pop. Sootpaw moved with a stiffness that only showed from the physically injured, taking one step, then two.
Then three, then four.
One paw in front of the other- that was his motto. All he needed to do was take one step first, then another and another after that and another after that until he got to where he wanted to be. He could get moving, could keep going, if all he could do was take that first step.
(Sometimes, though, and he would learn this one day but not now, that first step was impossible to take.)
Pushing past the nest of the others- okay he was now regretting having his nest so far away from the entrance- Sootpaw instinctually cast a watchful, caring, and attentive eye over their sleeping forms. Shrewpaw, the smallest of them, appeared the largest in her sleep: her body stretched out as wide as possible as she attempted to cover up every inch of her nest. It was quite amusing, and adorable with her little snores.
Bluepaw's nest near hers was empty, of course, and across from them were the other two. Adderpaw slept in a tight ball to contrast his larger frame, curled so compressed Sootpaw had to wonder if he was trying to hide from someone. (Then again, weren't they all?) Mousepaw slept on her side, slightly hunched and looking as though she was reaching for the tom at her side.
Sootpaw felt a soft smile form on his lips as he walked by them, the sight of his friends momentarily giving him the strength to take even more steps and ignore the pain. Don't get him wrong, it was still there, the stretch and pull of his cuts, but it was almost numb now, sitting just beneath the surface and enough for him to focus on the task at hand.
(Most definitely it would hurt even worse later, but that was a future-Sootpaw's problem and not his.)
The first rays of dawn were surprisingly warm against his face as he found his way outside, the weak sunlight somehow finding enough strength to bleed through the foliage of the trees. Four massive beech trees stood at each corner of the camp, boxing off the main area and providing a column for them to build a wall of brambles to shield themselves from the elements.
He felt eagerness start to course through his system at the idea of getting outside of camp, and it urged his pawsteps on even more as he made his way over to the entrance. His movements were still stiff and if he wasn't trying so hard to ignore it, the pain would make him crumble, but he kept his head up and kept moving forward.
His mentor was standing at the entrance of camp, head tilted peacefully back as he basked in a ray of sunlight with his eyes closed. Sootpaw slowed his pace as he got closer, tail twitching and he almost wanted to just push past Thornblaze and just enjoy a day in the forest by himself. But…
Well, he didn't really know why he didn't do that. It must have been something in the peaceful expression on Thornblaze's face that made the apprentice feel almost guilty for wanting to just abandon him right then and there. His mentor had been nothing but kind to him… What if he was the one being difficult?
Sootpaw frowned to himself, shaking his head. No, that wasn't right. Thornblaze just wanted to make him an obedient Low Rank like the rest of them- too afraid to do anything against those above them. Sootpaw loved his friends and everybody else he had regarded as his own, the rest of the Commoners, but… he would be lying if he didn't say that he thought of them as cowardly.
"Ah. Good morning, Sootpaw," Thornblaze opened his eyes then, dark amber gleaming with awareness but clouded with a sheen of drowsiness. Sootpaw had to wonder how long the other tom had been awake for. The apprentice just gave a simple nod in response, eyes glancing behind his mentor's shoulders and to the entrance of camp- attention divided because of his desires to just leave and wander and explore.
"Typically, you're supposed to say good morning back," Thornblaze said with a soft chuckle and Sootpaw turned his eyes to him, narrowing them slightly.
"Because it's proper etiquette?" He raised a brow, challenging. That was another thing: apparently, Sootpaw was uncivilized and Thornblaze had commented on it their second day together (a one-off comment, really, but it stuck to Sootpaw's mind).
"No," Thornblaze shrugged in response and turned away, speaking over his shoulder. "It's just polite. You'd be surprised how far being polite to others could go for you. Now, come along."
Sootpaw wrinkled his nose and wanted to comment on how being polite to the High Ranks would get them nothing but a claw to the face for their efforts, but he bit his tongue instead and trudged after the tom. If Thornblaze wanted to be a kiss-up, then that was on him, but Sootpaw would be damned if he became one too. All of the Low Ranks were, and what had that gotten them?
Nothing but a life of pain and misery.
He doubted being nice to them would change their minds now.
The unpleasantness of the immediate conversation vanished as his eyes surveyed the land around him, a smile pulling at his lips as he took in a deep breath of the earthy scent. The sounds of prey skittering in the distance made him feel at peace, with no desire to hunt but just to appreciate sound. Sootpaw hated when it was quiet because his thoughts were so loud (when there was noise to keep him company, he could finally relax).
Through the undergrowth they wandered, Thornblaze not once trying to strike up a conversation and Sootpaw was surprised and didn't entirely know whether to be pleased or disappointed. Sure, every time they talked, it always led with Sootpaw storming off or saying something insulting, trying to rile up his mentor like he did the High Ranks, but Thornblaze just… He just took it all. All the harsh words and running off, being left behind. Perhaps now he had just learned it was better to be quiet between the two of them.
(Sootpaw was disappointed because it meant Thornblaze gave up already. So quickly. It only took a few days, now that was a record.)
"The lead Royal informed me this morning that you were saying such unpleasant things to him yesterday." Thornblaze only spoke once they reached their little clearing, an ugly thing filled with dirt and grime and upturned roots. No flowers grew here, and the ground was littered with small round pebbles that poked and prodded everywhere you stepped.
Such was the state of the Commoner's training area.
(Sootpaw had stumbled once into the training area for the High Ranks… a wide and pretty clearing filled with bluebell flowers and some patches of flattened grass and boulders that didn't look so out of place and just added to the whole aesthetic. He took a nap in there without anyone noticing.)
"I didn't know Whiteshadow was such a snitch," Sootpaw snorted, shaking his head but entirely unsurprised. It was true, his target yesterday had been the lead Royal who had also been wandering the beech tree forest for whatever reason. The Commoner thought it would be easy- getting in his way and starting up his routine of trying to find and push all of his buttons all at once. It worked on so many others, so it was strange that no matter what he said or did, Whiteshadow regarded him with a passiveness that was somewhat sympathetic even.
It was strange.
Whiteshadow was a strange High Rank.
"So, what, you're going to punish me for that?" Sootpaw sat down nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on his mentor and his head held high. Owlpelt and Ravenflight had more than once given him a lecture when they spotted him being 'disrespectful' to the High Ranks. The others had just appeared more disappointed in him or worried for him: he didn't know which one was easier to deal with. He wasn't… He wasn't quite used to someone, other than Bluepaw maybe, being concerned over his well being. Not since Bluepaw's mother and his foster mother passed a few moons ago…
"I only wish to know why," Thornblaze gave a small frown, "If it was any other High Rank, they would've hurt you."
"Like they need an excuse," Sootpaw snorted, grumbling in a lower tone, bitter. "They hurt me and all of us just by existing, they don't need to lay a claw on me to cause pain."
Thornblaze let out a sigh at his words and Sootpaw took a second to ponder why it was he was trying so hard to push him away. Or why Thornblaze was even trying to stop him in the first place- why couldn't he see that Sootpaw was doing what he did for all of them?
Did he think Sootpaw liked being cut with unforgiving claws and beaten every day?
"Do you think it's easy for us to watch you do this to yourself?" Thornblaze murmured in that calming tone of his, eyes sad and drooping and it was almost too much for Sootpaw to look at. He stubbornly held his ground, fighting to keep the glare on his face. "We all care for you, Sootpaw."
And you think I don't care for you? Sootpaw wrinkled his nose and gave a shake of his head. Just as he thought. Thornblaze would never understand him, they would always be at an impasse with each other so long as the mentor kept trying to change his mind.
Yes, it was tempting to listen to his words and warnings. To just… stop bringing the fight to the High Ranks all the time. But Sootpaw couldn't stop, he couldn't…
He thinks he has forgotten by now how to stop. (He doesn't know who he would be if he stopped and Sootpaw is scared that he'll find nothing if he did. Nothing but an empty, gaping hole of someone long forgotten and abandoned, left behind by everybody he had tried so hard to protect.)
"Sootpaw…" Thornblaze started again but immediately stopped, cutting himself off with another sigh and the apprentice could see the pain, the physical pain he was causing. Apology after apology after apology sat at the tip of his tongue and his fangs were the guillotine on each and every one as he bit himself to keep from spewing words.
He sat silent, waiting for his mentor to continue the lecture- yet another lecture, Sootpaw was beginning to sense a routine coming- and holding back the fact that his mouth was bleeding. He hated the taste of iron, but in the past few moons, it has been all he had been able to taste. Sootpaw wondered if the flavor would ever go away.
Thornblaze, finished with whatever internal dilemma he was going through, lifted dark amber eyes to meet a sweltering sunset. It almost looked like fire, flaring and burning and dying so quickly.
"I care about you, Sootpaw…" Thornblaze gave a sad smile to him and Sootpaw didn't know how to deal with it.
"And one day, I hope you'll believe me…"
…
The repeated motion of Feathersong swiping her tongue across his pelt, his head, his shoulders made the tension bleed from him like the red spilling from his wounds- slow and languid and gradual. It was almost enough for his bone-tired body to want to collapse into the comfortable nest and sleep for the rest of eternity.
It didn't help when Feathersong- or maybe it was Scarletfur but he doubted that- began humming a lullaby that was eerily and all too familiar to the one Skysong had sung to him and Bluepaw when they had been kits. He almost wanted to snap at whoever was singing it to stop, but his tongue was weak and useless and his eyes drifted shut without his permission.
He didn't fall asleep, not quite. Sootpaw drifted somewhere between total unconsciousness and the world of the living, an abyss where the pain in his body was numb and every sensation felt faraway but the pain in his heart and his mind were so acutely there it was so much worse. It wasn't going away, and in this astral space of wake and sleep, Sootpaw was convinced this was where nightmares were formed.
He only opened his eyes, lids heavy and reluctant and it almost took all of whatever specks of energy he had managed to retrieve during this time just to lift them halfway when the song and the repetition of Feathersong's cleaning stopped. When he looked to see why the answer came in the shape of one Ravenflight and whatever loose sense of calm he had managed to achieve vanished instantly and a cold sense of dread rolled down his spine as panic set his heart into overdrive immediately.
"...should anything happen, Ravenflight will come and get us, okay?"
Should anything happen…
Should anything happen…
Should anything happen…
Immediately, his mind went into the ocean of worst-case scenarios and Sootpaw felt himself robbed of precious air, his eyes going wide as he choked but no one seemed to notice. Ravenflight was murmuring something to Feathersong, the Queen's back turned to him and Sootpaw counted the seconds and milliseconds for when she would start crying because the only reason Ravenflight would be here to get them would be if they were already dead and-
"Sootpaw," Feathersong turned to him, dark blue eyes oh-so gentle and mollifying and it allowed him a moment to catch but a bubble of air as his head stayed beneath the surface. He was drowning, and he didn't entirely know if Feathersong realized that, but she must have because she didn't panic and she remained calm and took a step closer to him. She reached out with one paw, placing it over one of his and the point of contact was enough for Sootpaw to realize that he wasn't alone and he was on dry land all along. She leaned forward slightly as she spoke, "Ravenflight was just here to tell me that the patrol returned. Do you wish to rejoin the others?"
Sootpaw was partially surprised she was even giving him the option. His immediate answer, terrifyingly enough, was no. No, he didn't want to go back outside. That's where all the bad things happened. Here, he was safe and warm and protected. Out there, rogues came out of nowhere to kill your friends, and the clanmates that were supposed to protect you were also trying to kill you, but slowly.
But Thornblaze and Mousepaw needed him. He had to be brave for them, he had to stay awake for them. He had to fight for them because no one else was going too and they were too injured to fight for themselves.
Drawing in a deep breath and getting a mouthful of water and shadows, Sootpaw pretended like he could breathe when he felt like he really couldn't and cleared his throat. He didn't say anything, just gave a nod and pushed himself onto unsteady paws and his knees wobbled. If Feathersong noticed, she made no move to help him, and he didn't know whether to be grateful or not. (He was grateful because at least she wasn't treating him like he was useless, but he also wasn't because a part of him really wanted the help.)
Ravenflight took one long look at him and it made Sootpaw wonder what he looked like now. Glancing down at himself, he had to say that Feathersong did a great job. He had tried helping her in the beginning, but after a while, he had just stopped and let her do the rest. It wasn't completely clean, he could see patches and spots where the blood had dried too much and it left a red-brown rust to his grey-colored pelt.
At least it didn't look like he walked straight out of a bloodbath, so it was progress, he supposed.
Following the two Commoner warriors outside, Sootpaw couldn't help but give one mournful, longing look around the inside of the den. It had been so long since he had even set a single paw in here, and though his time was short, it had done wonders healing some of the wounds in his heart and soul. Memories of a simpler, innocent time sat above the surface while he was still in the depths of the abyss, calling out to him, trying to reach down and help him up but failing to do so. They were too far away and Sootpaw was too deep in- he would have to find the strength to swim up to where he could reach them.
(But he couldn't. He was tired right now and just allowed himself to drown for the moment. That was fine- he was quickly growing used to the desperate burning in his lungs.)
His eyes landed on where Scarletfur was, curled around her kit and none the wiser to what was happening on the outside of the walls of the Nursery. Perhaps she didn't even care, Sootpaw didn't really expect her to. But there, peeking over the Artisan Queen's dark ginger fur was two wide and curious dark green eyes on a grey-furred face. Boulderkit let out a muffled squeak when their eyes met, almost as though he was afraid of him and Sootpaw had to wonder what kind of stories the Artisan had told her kit of the Commoners.
He dreaded the day Boulderkit became just like the others- mind poisoned by the venom and false words dripping from the tongues of the other ranks.
Turning away, Sootpaw took in another lungful of shadows, a cold chill frosting his insides and it turned his blood to ice. He kept walking.
The clan was still sitting outside of the Medicine Den- the High Ranks still there as well, surprisingly. He didn't know how long it had truly been, night dominating the area and he wondered if it would be minutes or it would be hours until dawn arrived. Attention was divided, however, because while some like Adderpaw was still staring at the entrance of the den like he didn't know how to look anywhere else, others were turning curiously to where Foxear was speaking with the Grand Royal, ears flattened against his head and a distasteful scowl on his face. Tigergaze and Goldencloud and Cloudeye were standing behind him, each carrying their own scowls as well.
"We couldn't find them," Sootpaw could barely hear what Foxear was declaring. "Rotten scoundrels had too much of a head start, though they weren't trying to leave stealthily. We followed their trail but it led too far out of our territory. I decided to call it and return here."
So you gave up… Not that Sootpaw was any better.
"Where are Grand Royal Gingerpaw and Royal Emberpaw?" Redstar asked in that quiet voice of his, so difficult to hear even in the heavy silence. His eyes surveyed the makeshift patrol and Sootpaw felt a brief flicker of curiosity as well. So, they had gone back out after the rogues.
Huh.
He didn't know how to feel about that, so Sootpaw decided to ignore it.
"They said they would follow the trail as far as they thought comfortable," Foxear grumbled, and a part of Sootpaw knew that Emberpaw- feisty and fiery as she was- must have said as much but in a much harsher way. "Grand Royal Gingerpaw insisted we return."
"Hmm." Redstar hummed and took a moment to survey the gathered Royals, his eyes resting on Russetclaw for a moment. "They are your kin. You go after them before they run across any dangers, they may be strong, especially together, but we all have limits."
Russetclaw wrinkled his nose in obvious disagreement but he made no word to speak out against the Grand Royal. Instead, he begrudgingly bowed his head and began to leave camp with an unhurried pace.
Sootpaw let out a scoff before turning away from the scene altogether. Some things were more important than the High Ranks' strange sense of disloyalty to their daughters and sons. It was almost as though none of them actually cared about their kits. (How sad.)
He was aware that there were many eyes on him, but the tom was already drowning so it wasn't too much for him to handle. For a moment, he hesitated and didn't know if he was allowed to sit by Adderpaw. His friend had seemed rather irritated at Sootpaw's running away, perhaps he even blamed Sootpaw for all of this (and Sootpaw was right there with him).
As he carefully sat a tail-length away from his friend, Adderpaw made no move to address him. Not a single look, word, or movement. It was almost as though Adderpaw wasn't even aware Sootpaw was there at all.
That was fine. He had to get used to the cold shoulder now.
Feathersong sat on his other side, close enough for their shoulder to brush and Sootpaw had to marvel at the Queen's courage to sit out here, waiting for the news of her mate's death while bearing his kits (worst-case scenario, worst-case scenario, worst-case scenario; not real not real not real). With their appearance, the rest of the Commoners gained the courage to get even closer, huddling together for warmth and strength.
Together, they were only a measly eight, and Sootpaw felt the loss of Bluepaw and Shrewpaw even more. They would be there, sitting with him and Adderpaw, tears in their eyes and flowing down their cheeks but being the shoulder they needed regardless.
The High Ranks were murmuring amongst themselves, idle chit chat that had no place here and Sootpaw could feel the familiar fire burning in the pit of his stomach beginning to kindle. He wanted them as far away from here as possible- they had no right to even be here while Thornblaze and Mousepaw were in the Medicine Den. Why did they pretend to care? Did they just want to sit here and gossip and have a new story to tell?
(Oh, Sootpaw was dying to give them a story, his claws itching for a fight even while his lungs burned and his heart hurt and his body felt like falling apart.)
Seconds ticked to minutes and time became nonexistent altogether. Sootpaw didn't keep track of anything except his breaths, and even that he sometimes forgot to do. Everything remained the same as it was- all of them sitting together, the Artisans lingering between two worlds and not knowing whether to join the Commoners or the High Ranks. The Nobles mingled together and Sootpaw could see Sagepaw just out of the corner of his eye, sitting the closest to the huddle of Commoners and giving them silent support in this matter.
Shadepaw was beside Sagepaw, strangely enough, and the Royal apprentice was definitely getting a few stares- some disgusted, few curious, most distrustful- just for sitting by the Low Ranks. He kept trying to strike up a conversation with the Noble, but Sagepaw remained stoically quiet throughout the entire thing.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Three breaths.
Four.
He was used to the feeling of drowning by now, closing his eyes to stare into the abyss as the shadows pulled him down down down. They curled around him, hooking onto every piece of skin like claws and tugging, and Sootpaw didn't bother to fight them back. The surface was getting farther and farther away, air leaving his lungs in streams of bubbles and abandoning him as well.
The abyss stared back into him.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Three breaths.
Fo-
The sound of pawsteps coming from the Medicine Den startled him into opening his eyes, a shuddering breath leaving his body and making his lungs shrivel up. The rest of the Commoners held their breaths and it took until Roseberry was stepping out into the night for everyone else to silence as well.
The Medicine Cat held a carefully neutral expression, but Sootpaw was used to looking at a mask like that. (He himself had worn that one a handful of times.) He could see beneath the surface, there, lingering- worry and dejection, and when their eyes met for only a second, half a heartbeat, a flash of apology before it was gone. Her gaze found Redstar and she ignored everybody else around him as she made her way towards him, the Grand Royal standing up and meeting her halfway with a curious frown to his face.
Sootpaw felt himself slowly standing up, half-aware of everything going on as his eyes remained on the Grand Royal and the Medicine Cat as they murmured to each other. Adderpaw finally looked towards him, and at his other side, Feathersong tried to reach for him to stop but he was too quick and moving in their direction already.
He deserved to know, damnit. He was tired of High Ranks keeping him out of the loop, tired of all their secrets and lies and gossip- especially when it was Thornblaze and Mousepaw's lives on the line.
"What is it?" Sootpaw spoke up loud enough for all to turn in his direction, halfway to the leader and the healer, and it was bordering a shout. Kindling flames burned at the top of his stomach, trying to make his way up to his throat, but he tried his best to temper it- if only for a moment longer. "What's going on? Why aren't you in there helping them?"
His tone was accusatory, he was aware, but he was too beyond caring at this point. Roseberry turned those dark eyes in his direction and another flash of apology sparked to life. The world held its breath and he could see some of the High Ranks begin to stir.
Roseberry swallowed before speaking, choosing her words very carefully, very reluctantly as she tried to dismiss him. "This is a matter for me and the Grand Royal to discuss. Please, return to your place, Sootpaw."
And if those words didn't ignite the slowly kindling blaze into a horrendous inferno, he didn't know what else would've.
Fire coursed up his spine, burning him alive and a part of him relished in the burn while a smaller part of him wailed in misery. His teeth gnashed together, fur bristling and tail lashing sharply and his shoulders squared. Anger and annoyance and frustration radiated off of him and Sootpaw felt as though he could breathe again, his lungs filling with smoke instead of shadows and he felt so alive and less like he was drowning. It was a new suffocation that brought him to battle mode, ready and prepared to fight for Thornblaze and Mousepaw because clearly, nobody else was going to.
"We deserve to know!" Sootpaw's voice was sharp, cutting straight through the quiet murmurs of the others and it was like a flip of a switch. Instantly, the mood in the air shifted to one of tension and he could see the waves of High Ranks right behind Redstar and Roseberry, prepared to defend their kind from someone who didn't belong with them. But Sootpaw would not waver, he would face an army and ready himself. "They're my friends, my family," he jerked his head sharply to the side, indicating behind him to the rest of the gathered Commoners, "their friends, their family- We should have a say and know what's going on with them!"
"Best watch your tongue before we cut it out, little rat!" One of the High Ranks shouted, he thinks it might have been Tigergaze or Ashtail but at this point, they all sounded the same to him. "That's no way to speak to our Grand Royal!"
There were murmurs of agreement on both sides and Sootpaw felt a sliver of satisfaction from the sounds behind him. The rest of the Commoners, normally so passive and willing to bow to those above them instead to avoid punishment, were adding their own voices in with assent to his words. The clan had been sectioned off, and now it was clear where the divide started and ended.
Redstar and Roseberry stood in the middle of it all, their eyes turning to each other and for a moment, Sootpaw could've sworn he saw something like nervousness in the Grand Royal's dull eyes. The Medicine Cat just looked… Well, Sootpaw couldn't quite place that expression on her face. Not nervous or scared, not exactly. Unwilling, more like. Hesitant.
Apprehensive.
Sootpaw stood his ground and gave the fiercest glare he could muster at the moment, turning blazing eyes to some of the High Ranks that took a few steps forward- looking as though they were a heartbeat away from attacking him. All the same, they're all the same. Any excuse just to hurt me, any excuse to make me bleed.
I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this!
"Stand down," The Grand Royal spoke in a stern voice that evaporated the murmuring and loose growls like sunlight to darkness. He stood up tall, turning in a slow circle to cast a careful eye across all of them, first to the High Ranks at his back and then towards the Commoners- his gaze shifting to one of sympathy and understanding. His dull golden-gaze met Sootpaw's and it felt as though he was looking at his reflection.
Somber golden-yellow, the saddest sunset he had ever seen, met burning golden-yellow, the fiercest flames he had ever created.
"Roseberry," Redstar spoke, his eyes remaining on Sootpaw and the Commoner, too, refused to look away and back down. "Speak loud for all to hear."
The Medicine Cat's ears flattened and another flash of hesitance appeared in her eyes, apology gleaming with an internal light before she let out a withering sigh. Sootpaw had no time to bathe in his victory, to relish in the surprised and affronted looks of the High Ranks, before he shifted his focus to Roseberry.
The amber-furred she-cat took a few moments longer before she began to speak, turning to face Redstar so it was like she was only speaking to him.
"Grand Royal, the two are bleeding more than our supply can keep up with."
Redstar finally turned his gaze away from Sootpaw, a frown flickering across his face, but there was no trace of surprise in his eyes. "Meaning?"
Roseberry opened her mouth again, glancing off to the side at the gathered Commoners and pausing again before speaking slowly. Sootpaw, for a second, almost felt bad for the position he had put her in, the position Redstar put her in for practically making her explain. He probably already knew what she had meant- meaning this was only for their benefit (or their torture).
"Meaning… we are running out of herbs as it is, I say with the rest I could probably save one of them if that." Roseberry's ears began to droop and she shook her head, disappointed. "But if I use it now, we will not have any more for the remainder of Leaf-bare."
The smoke in his lungs was placing a choke-hold on his throat, stealing what little air he had gained from the fire and Sootpaw felt a moment of regret for asking to hear what was going on. If Roseberry was out here and not in there…
Did that mean they were already dead? Or just about to be?
Would they give him a chance to say goodbye?
But something was rubbing him the wrong way… The way she had spoken, it wasn't exactly giving up, but it was accepting defeat all the same.
"So what?" His lips pulled back to reveal a fang. There was no way he could just lose both of them, not like this. "Save one of them at least! I don't understand why you can't just-"
"Of course you don't understand, Commoner."
And appearing like a harbinger of doom, a prophet for the end, Death's disciple himself- Wildfire stepped out of the crowd, stepping forward to represent the High Ranks like Sootpaw was representing the Commoners. The fire burned brighter and Sootpaw felt like hissing at the same time dread hooked its wicked claws into his heart.
Wildfire never said anything good; like the rest of the High Ranks, he was only out to hurt Sootpaw. And hurt him he had- for so long and in so many ways. This would just be another way.
It was so much worse now, however, because it wasn't just Sootpaw he was messing with.
It was Thornblaze and it was Mousepaw and it was the rest of the Commoners and his friends and family now. For that, Sootpaw could never forgive him.
No, no! His eyes narrowed, You don't get to take them away from me.
The eyes of a snake met his and Sootpaw could have sworn he could see the cruel grin on his face, hidden within that gaze of his and fangs dripping with venom.
Acid and honey slipped from Wildfire's tongue as he spoke. "What our remarkable Medicine Cat is implying," Sootpaw senses a bit of sarcasm there, "is that it is up to our Grand Royal to decide whether one of them dies, or both."
"I don't understand why this is even a discussion!" Sootpaw hissed, taking a step forward and the challenge in Wildfire's eyes brightened and the hint of a smirk flickered across his lips. He couldn't understand why no one else could see the cruel grin on his lips, the murderous glee in his eyes, the scales on his face that was less cat and more snake. "At least save one of them!"
"Let me put it this way, Commoner," Wildfire spoke, and Sootpaw had a moment to realize the tone he was using. It wasn't condescending nor was it the harshness that he always used against him for their game. No, now it was a mask of sympathy and compassion like he hated having to spread this news but knew there was no other way. "What would happen if someone else becomes injured before we could re-supply? Ancestors forbid, what if our Grand Royal becomes wounded and these are the herbs that could save his life?" He directed his questions to the audience of High Ranks. "Will we be comfortable knowing we used the last of it on a Commoner?"
"This is not the time to be thinking about ranks!" Sootpaw growled, taking one, two steps forward, and he had to force himself to stop and stand his ground. Wildfire peered over his shoulder at him, a gleam to his eyes.
This is a game, they said, Convince them. Argue with me. Prove your worth.
Convince them. Convince me.
Sootpaw bared his teeth and took in a deep breath. Fine. He was used to arguing anyway.
"There are two lives in there, two of my friends, and we're talking about whether or not we should let them both die?!" He was honestly aghast that this was a thing.
"Think of me cruel, Commoner Sootpaw, but that is incorrect." Wildfire said, something like a tease in his voice and he knew exactly what he was doing. He was playing with Sootpaw, and Sootpaw was letting him but he could barely contain himself enough to care. The fire was catching and he was burning alive and he didn't care.
He would take Wildfire down with him and they would both turn to nothing but ashes.
"Cruel isn't a harsh enough word to describe you!"
Wildfire grinned something wicked in response. Sootpaw had a feeling the temporary lead Royal took that as a compliment.
"Contrary to your belief, I am thinking of our injured Commoners. No… our suffering Commoners." Wildfire turned and walked in his direction and it was all Sootpaw could do to not lunge at him straight away. The dark grey tabby brushed by his side, their gaze meeting at the corners of their eyes, and Sootpaw whirled around as Wildfire kept walking straight up to the line of gathered Commoners.
Feathersong and Adderpaw and Ravenflight immediately cowered back, leaning into the bodies behind them and it was only Owlpelt and Swiftleaf who seemed to narrow their eyes in response. The others, well. They cowered. (They're all cowards!)
Sootpaw felt as though he was beginning to hyperventilate when Wildfire continued speaking, in a tone bleeding sympathy the way the Royal had made Flarepaw bleed countless times, slow and continuous and precise.
He's trying to win them over too. Huh. That was actually a pretty smart move, he wasn't going to lie. But where Sootpaw would struggle to connect with the High Ranks, Wildfire could win the Commoners over with honeyed words on a silver tongue. (He just wished the others would know that honey was poisonous and would lead to their inevitable demise sooner or later.)
"They are suffering," Wildfire was great at theatrics and Sootpaw loathed to admit it was beginning to work. The Commoners may not believe him yet, but they were listening. "Slowly dying, as we speak. Can you imagine how terrified they must be? How much agony they're going through?"
Sootpaw would not give this up so easily, striding up to stand off to Wildfire's side and try to catch his attention (and failing). "Which is why we should save one of them at least!"
With that, Sootpaw could see the corner of Wildfire's lips pull up into a hidden smirk before those amber eyes turned to face him. He had a feeling that he was a mouse caught in a trap.
The trap had been set… and you just walked right into it, idiot.
"Alright, Commoner Sootpaw," Wildfire turned his body to face him, staring down at him with an all-too-intense gaze that made him quiver. His words, however, stole Sootpaw's breath away. "Then you decide. Who gets to live? Who gets to die? Who will you choose? The young apprentice who has her whole life ahead of her… or the lead Commoner," a glance to the side and then back again, "who will, very soon, be a father?"
Sootpaw took a step back as though he had been struck, and he very well may have been. You decide. Thornblaze or Mousepaw? Mousepaw or Thornblaze? Your friend or your mentor? Adderpaw's love or Feathersong's mate?
Thornblaze or Mousepaw?
Mousepaw or Thornblaze?
You decide.
He couldn't. How could he possibly? Sootpaw remained quiet and it was as though he was admitting defeat then and there; and in a way, he really was.
He couldn't choose. It was like forcing a mother to choose which kits to keep and which one to abandon. Who could possibly have the strength- no, the right to choose?
Certainly not him.
He had no right.
Wildfire continued staring at him, and the longer Sootpaw remained quiet, expression haunted, the more satisfied he appeared to be.
You wanted to know what being a High Rank feels like? Those dark amber eyes seemed to say, Well, a High Rank makes decisions. Even the ones that seem impossible.
"Roseberry," Sootpaw could just barely hear Redstar muttering to the Medicine Cat behind him. "What are you suggesting we do?"
"Do not put this on me, Grand Royal," Roseberry spoke with pain in her voice, dejection and defeat creating a mournful song that resonated with Sootpaw's furious one. "My hope is that I could pull off a miracle and save both… but miracles don't happen just because you wish for them. Whatever you order, I will do."
The victory in Wildfire's eyes shimmered to something more malicious and Sootpaw was struggling to draw in a breath. Watch this, his eyes almost seemed to say and Sootpaw got the sense that Wildfire would've winked at him if no one was watching. Playful and wicked and fake.
"Grand Royal," Wildfire spun on his heel, turning his back to the Commoners and taking a few steps to address the leader. Sootpaw, instinctively, felt himself turn to follow- or turn just so Wildfire wasn't out of his sight. This entire thing was making him paranoid and he hated just how much power the Royal still had over him and his subconscious. "If I may?"
Redstar turned in his direction and the brief moment that Sootpaw shifted his eyes to look at his leader, he could see obvious hesitation and dread beginning to well up within dull golden eyes. A slight grimace appeared on his face, but the Grand Royal cleared his throat and raised his head higher, pretending that he wasn't as affected by Wildfire as Sootpaw was.
"What is it?"
Wildfire, respectfully and playing the part perfectly, gave a small bow of his head in gratitude before addressing the clan as a whole once more. "We can all agree that nobody, nobody deserves to go through what they are currently experiencing… It pains me deeply, truly it does, to even think about it. Neither one of them deserves this, yes?"
Lies, lies, lies. His concern was nothing but fake, tongue built for nothing more than slick words and lies and lies and lies.
"Get on with it," Sootpaw was tired of hearing such fake, honeyed words. Building up the suspense for something grand.
Wildfire glanced at him as if to say "well, if you insist" before turning a despondent frown back towards his leader and finally suggesting, "I say… we give them mercy."
"What?" Sootpaw meant for it to come out in a growl, but instead, his voice was as breathless as his shriveled lungs were. Smoke and ash littered his lungs and the fire kept burning even without nothing to fuel it anymore.
Surely not… Surely he isn't suggesting…
Not even he can be that cruel…
Right?
No.
Wildfire exclusively could be that cruel.
"We end their suffering for them," Wildfire said flippantly as if discussing the weather, and turning his gaze to Roseberry's horrified expression. "Roseberry, I'm sure you have something that will give them a quick and painless death, correct? You've done it before."
Sootpaw's mind could still not catch up to the words coming out of the Royal's mouth, everything on slow-motion, and the gears in his head churned sluggishly.
"You- You want… What?"
"I propose we end their pain." Wildfire turned back to face Sootpaw, raising a brow and daring the Commoner to stop him (Sootpaw could not, he was too frozen and stiff to move or speak.) "We cannot afford to risk the chance of attempting to save one of them and failing regardless. What if our Grand Royal needs these herbs in the future? What if lead Royal Whiteshadow does when he returns from his mission? Or Grand Royal Gingerpaw, or, dare I say, Grand Royal Flarepaw?"
Sootpaw was hyperventilating and stuck deep in the trap Wildfire had caught him in. Words pierced into his skin like claws and they dug deeper than anything else before.
(He was half-aware of what Wildfire was implying. Would Sootpaw be willing to lose Flarepaw in the vain attempt of saving his friends now? And Sootpaw would hate himself if he said no and he would hate himself if he said yes…
He hated himself even more for saying nothing at all.)
"You believe killing them is showing mercy?" The Grand Royal's voice was so hard to hear over his own ragged panting. He was drowning, choking, suffocating and no one was coming to save him. Sootpaw couldn't even see the surface anymore, nothing but cold, dark shadows and water and smoke and fire all around him, and he was burning alive and dying dying dying.
No one cared.
"It is impossible to choose between the two, Grand Royal: a young apprentice, a father-to-be. Will we leave that choice up to the Commoners?" Wildfire shifted to face the stricken Low Ranks, their eyes wide and horrified and, and, and… accepting. The Royal wore a sad expression, "I believe it is agreed upon that no one can decide who to try to save, and this decision needs to be one made quickly and it is simply impossible. At least this way… we know they will be safe in the stars, with the rest of our ancestors carrying for them, watching over us.
"This way… we give them the mercy of a quick death rather than spend who knows how long bleeding out on a nest. This way… we give them the kindness that the wretched rogues could never. The rats wanted to see our kind suffer, and they are. This way, they won't have to suffer anymore." Wildfire turned, finally, to face Redstar. "I propose we put an end to their suffering; now before it's too late."
The world was deathly quiet and even through the white noise in his ears, Sootpaw was aware that everybody was holding their breaths. The Commoners at his back were looking between themselves; ultimately turning their eyes to the leader because here, now, and forever, it was up to the Grand Royal to decide for them. They had no say or sway in this world, they had no power, no control, nothing.
Sootpaw didn't know who to look at right now. He wanted to glare at Wildfire, but there was no heat in his gaze because all of that flame was targeting him instead of who he wanted. He glanced at Roseberry, who looked so disappointed in herself and the situation and everything going on, but most of all, the obvious hatred in her eyes for the Royal was a beacon that Sootpaw clung to. (At least he knew someone who didn't worship Wildfire.)
He didn't want to look at Redstar, but alas, like watching a tree falling or a forest on fire or an avalanche about to collapse on him… he could not look away. Morbid curiosity brought his gaze back to the leader again and again and after a while, Sootpaw stopped fighting it. Every shift of the emotions on Redstar's face made Sootpaw's heart crack and splinter and fracture more and more. His soul, too, was not spared from the breaking- he could feel it, deep within himself, wailing and on its last legs.
"Grand Royal?" Roseberry was the first to speak out of all of them, cautious and wary and reluctant as she spoke in a whisper that was deafening in the clan's silence. "Your orders?"
Perhaps she didn't mean to rush him, but as Wildfire implied, time was of the essence. The longer they spent arguing over whether or not to save them, life would make the final decision for them and take them both if they took too long.
Sootpaw's searching became almost frantic as his eyes whirled from one face to the next, hoping that someone would come up with an alternate solution. But, no. No matter who he looked at, they all seemed to be accepting of Wildfire's proposition. Sagepaw was uselessly staring, mouth agape, perhaps even astounded that Wildfire could make such a horrible plan but unable to think quickly enough to change it.
When Redstar let out a slow sigh, all eyes turned back to him, eager for his words of wisdom and demise. Another heartbeat. Another moment of silence. It stretched on forever and Sootpaw felt as though he was about to break apart into a million pieces when Redstar spoke.
His final verdict.
An execution. (An inevitable demise. A death song.)
"I believe… they deserve to feel as little pain as possible. We cannot use up the rest of our herbs at this time." Dull golden eyes glanced towards the Medicine Cat. "Be quick, Roseberry. I will join you shortly."
"Of course, Grand Royal," Roseberry spoke sadly, a barely audible whisper, before turning to leave without addressing anybody else.
Sootpaw…
He had expected to feel like he was falling apart. Like the world was ending and it was his fault. Like every bone in his body would shatter to a million pieces, like his heart would stop and refuse to beat again, like his lungs were filled with smoke and shadows instead of air, like his soul had faded from existence to leave nothing behind. He expected to cry or feel detached from the world.
He did not expect for the poison in his veins to spike him with adrenaline, replacing blood with embers. His body burned with a white-hot heat, the flames licking up his throat and escaping his mouth with his breath. It was a primal thing, this sudden surge of anger.
It scared him.
It thrilled him.
It was driving him forward, the whispers in his mind usually so condescending urging him onward, encouraging him: kill kill kill. Attack. Destroy. Consume.
It ate him alive and unless he did something about it, he would die too.
So, with the inferno in her lungs and a blaze in his heart, Sootpaw felt himself turn and launch himself at someone he really should not have.
It was not Wildfire, surprisingly enough. Yes, the Royal had been the one to suggest such a thing, but in the end, in the end… He was not the one to issue that order.
Redstar was.
Redstar, the coward who was swayed by the masses. Redstar, the useless leader who let his High Ranks run rampant without punishment.
Redstar, who had just killed his mentor and his friend.
"You fox-hearted coward!" Sootpaw slashed wildly, and his claws indeed connected with the Grand Royal's pelt, scouring down the leader's muzzle and catching him and everybody else in surprise. "You call yourself a leader? How could you agree to that? How could you?! How-"
Someone was pulling him back and away from the leader who could only stare at him with wide eyes and not even attempt to fight back. Sootpaw growled as he was slammed into the ground, two heavy sets of paws pinning him down, choking him even. He could hardly see who it was that was holding him down, but he didn't care, he didn't care. He thrashed wildly like a monster trapped in a cage, claws flying violently and knicking skin.
He laid against the ground, pinned, and let out a mournful, wrathful screech that was almost bestial. He was suffocating beneath the weights of the two High Ranks, so much so he thought he blacked out for a few seconds because one second he was flat on his back, and the next, he was being dragged and pulled away.
Through the ringing in his ear, he could barely hear Wildfire saying to put him in the Prisoner's Den until things had calmed down.
The next thing he knew, he was being tossed down a hole and into a room that smelled like mold, death, and decay. Sootpaw remained prone on his side, panting heavily, raggedly, and his throat hurt and his body hurt and everything hurt. The shadows of the two High Ranks that had brought him in here moved away, but he had the sense that at least one of them was standing guard just outside.
Slowly, painfully, Sootpaw pushed himself to a sitting position, gasping for air. This wasn't his first time here, he could barely recall coming in here with Yellowpaw so long ago, but it was his first time here to be watched over. Was that it? Was he a prisoner now? He didn't know it could be so easy.
They're going to die.
They're probably already dead right now.
You failed them.
And he had. He failed them by running away, and even when he had the chance to fight for their lives, he lost. Too weak, too weak, too weak.
Sootpaw had yet to feel broken. Instead, his body burned with the need to move still, a restlessness unlike any other and his breath was hot as it escaped his chest. The fire flickered but remained strong and he had half a desire to try and escape and just attack anyone who got in his way. It was useless, though. He was too weak. Too weak, too weak.
Instead, Sootpaw simply began to pace like a caged animal (because that's what he truly was now) and claw at the rocks and walls around him to try and dispel some of his rage.
They're dead.
And it's all your fault.
...No…
Not mine…
Redstar's. Wildfire's.
The rogues.
(The world.
The High Ranks.)
It was all of their faults. Not his.
And for the first time ever, Sootpaw blamed someone else. For the first time ever, Sootpaw wanted to hurt the ones who had hurt his friends.
For the first time ever, Sootpaw wasn't drowned with sorrow.
He was alight with rage, burning burning burning.
He was fire and flames and ash and smoke and he was going to burn everything for wronging him.
…
A/N: This was very hard to write. I didn't want to go through with this tbh, but… It must. It had to. I had no choice T-T. Anyway, in case it wasn't clear, Sootpaw has been dealing with some of the stages of grief already from Bluepaw and Shrewpaw's deaths- namely denial, depression, and a bit of bargaining. He had never really shown anger.
Well… Now we got it. And it ain't about to be pretty.
…
Question of the Day
Putting yourself in Sootpaw's position, would you have reacted that strongly to someone deciding to not attempt to rescue someone you cared about?
…
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~Wolfcreations20
