A/N: Hey everyone, how's everyone doing after the last chapter? Y'all good? Good, good: I'm about to make it even worse :). My finger is glued on the 'pain and angst' button, so we'll see how long it takes for me to take it off XD. In other news, school is school (got a thesis statement due by the time I upload this on an essay that I have no idea what to do about), I'm dying, what's new? Ate something that didn't sit well with my stomach and now I'm too scared to eat anything else now. Hooray! Let's just get to this mess, yeah?
Thanks to Wolfspirit of Shadowclan and DarkMatter242 for adding this story as a favorite and/or following!
Reviews
Someone (Guest)- Yet, they ain't dead yet (but they're about to be). Well, time was up for them in a sense that there isn't anything they could do for them now cause it was too late (so they're gonna die because there's nothing that can be done). What if Wildfire is secretly writing this outline? (My secrets are exposed, darn it XD). I am looking forward to Sootboi's wrath as well, it shall be cathartic (but not so fun peeps *cough* Flarekitty *cough*). I don't claim to know much about fighting either XD It makes sense though, although I think some people fight better when they're angry or something? Idk, it's weird, anger is weird. But yeah, we shall see how much better/more dangerous Sooty can become. I mean, it has been a while since we checked in on them (don't worry, I have plans). "Several dozen times" wouldn't be too far off lol, I'm in a place of whatever happens happens- I don't make this story, the characters do; I just write it for them. Emberpaw is very reckless, yes, and Gingerpaw will always be one step behind to clean up her mess. Cinderfrost was her name. Good guess, I'll say that (but we shall see, we shall see *muahahaha*). Oh, Sootpaw does care who his parents are/were, but the way he sees it: they're gone. And they're not coming back. So why worry/care about what's gone when there's still so many things to fight for? If you're curious about how they're gonna kill them… just keep reading :). Hmm; being completely honest, if Sootpaw had stayed to help fight Ignis and the others, then there is a very likely chance all three of them would have ended up dead regardless. Sootpaw is strong and savage in his "rage state"... but Ignis is a fricking psycho (and stronger and more savage-y (?)). Ignis would have won. Yes! Fun fact, all- well, most- of the Twelve are named after something in Latin: Ignis is "fire," Aqua is "water," Terra is "earth," Caeli is "air," Glacies is "ice," Lux is "light," Fulgur is "lightning" (just noticed I misspelled his name the entire time, whoops!), and Sora is actually "sky" in Japanese. (The new Twelfth member is also going to be something in Latin, so feel free to guess a name if you'd like XD). Gotta love that fiction man, anything is possible, there are no limitations (well, there are some limitations, but still).
silhouette amongst stars- Ah, I don't blame you. Sometimes I'm too lazy to log in (which is why I'm always logged in so I don't have to repeatedly type out my stuff XD). Aww, I'm sorry. I hope your days have been better and I'm glad you found something to look forward to in my story. I'm still haunted, don't worry. I think that's the word I would use, yeah. Tragic- what a nice word. Thanks! We shall see, we shall see. I would absolutely react in the same way as well.
KyubiMaster9- Yeah, Whiteshadow, what the hell man XD (Fun fact, if you want to know this universe's equivalent of the Dark Forest, I think I wrote in my notes that I called it the Immortal Night.) Commoners are only allowed one kit, yes. I mostly made sense of what you wrote haha. I would have reacted just about as violently as Sootpaw probably. Yes, I can tell, and I'm right there with you guys XD.
Echo (Guest)- Neat-o! Lol.
jassheikhsfa- Thank you!
DarkMatter242- Hey, long time no see! I mean, at this rate, it might as well be to be honest haha. F in the chat for Sootpaw, everybody. Life's rough. Yeah… yeah, it wouldn't have been good for Mousepaw (even worse because she's a Commoner while Thornpaw was a Royal). I just can't let my characters be happy apparently. I like to think I have more self-control than him, but I doubt it. Thanks haha. This story's got me on a hook and I refuse to leave it until it's done XD However long that's going to take. It helps to have an outline (and multiple characters to mess with). At least for me.
EbonyClaw (Guest)- I still feel bad but hey, we're moving forward! XD My DM is so nice to us, we don't deserve her haha. Can't exactly do resurrections because a) we're kinda poor altogether and I doubt we'll have enough for whatever it costs to resurrect and b) we ain't got a healer (I know, I know, we're terrible people). I don't know if we've derailed the entire campaign at one point or another, but if we have, we haven't noticed and the DM hasn't said anything. There is no fun in ending the story short, luckily none of my friends are completely chaotic enough to do that (if anything, I'm the closest one to do it, but I would never do it just for the lols.) Oh...wow. Maybe I should play a cleric next XD. That's insane. (Isn't Circle of Death an actual spell though? XD)
The Unnamed Guest- Hey, right on time. You reviewed right before I was gonna upload this chapter XD. Oh, he definitely needs a hug. Yeah… It's, uhh… It's not gonna be very pretty. It actually makes me nervous. Oh, Wildfire can definitely go burn in a fire for what he's done. He is cruel and shrewd and scary. I do have a backstory planned for Wildfire, but that'll come later on. Thank you, and I know, I'm a terrible person for doing this to them haha. Complications incoming everybody, brace yourselves for a messy impact. Hold on tight, don't wanna lose anybody in the crash XD. Correct, this chapter is called Last.
Thanks to everybody who reviewed, followed, and/or added this story as a favorite!
Let's get started!
…
Blazeclan
…
In an alternate life, Flarepaw could never have made it as a Medicine Cat.
The warriors and the rest of the clan were always talking about how much easier this life was, how peaceful and free of pain it was compared to theirs. She used to be right there with them- believing the Medicine Cat's as those with nurturing souls too afraid to live the harsh life of fighting and hunting day in and day out. It was a simpler life where brains triumphed over brawn, the adventure for knowledge blossoming over the desire for power. That's not to say she thought in the black-and-white mindset that warriors were inherently stupid and just looking for a fight or that Medicine Cat's were inherently weak and timid.
That was a foolish way of thinking… Just look at Hollypaw- that she-cat had more fight in her than most others did.
She did, however, believe that it was a pampered life (at one point anyway). They faced no battles, no pain, no terror. No threat to their life, no thrill of battle, or the hunt. In a way, she almost felt sorry for them, living a life without any trace of excitement.
But now…
Oh, now; she felt sorry for them in an entirely different way.
Now, it almost seemed that they faced nothing but pain and terror and grief.
Flarepaw was doing her best to control her breathing, body aching from having been in one position for so long and trying not to lean too heavily on Thornblaze's body. She tried not to focus on the fact that her paws felt numb, stained with red in such an intimate way, or that the Commoner didn't even look like he was breathing anymore. She counted the seconds between each inhale, each exhale, and decided that each of them took far too long.
But, hey, what did she know?
Near her side, Flame looked to be decidedly much more comfortable now, surprisingly enough. His brows were furrowed in determination as he applied pressure to where Roseberry had told him and something told her that it would take nothing less of a storm to chase the rogue away from his self-imposed duty. Perhaps he felt guilty- it was his kind that had caused this. (Flarepaw quickly shook that thought away and immediately felt a bit disgusted with herself. Just because Flame was a rogue didn't mean he was in any way responsible for this.)
(Still, she just felt like she needed someone to blame, and Ignis was too far gone at this point. Flame was closer.)
Across the way, Hollypaw was looking over the laid out herbs for about the twelfth time, face pinched into displeasure and desperation. It was like she was looking for an answer that didn't exist and every time she failed to find it, she became all the more lost and heartbroken to look at.
The silence of the room was crippling and Flarepaw was uncomfortable with the fact that she could hear her own uneven breaths out loud no matter how much she tried to keep herself quiet. She was never good with blood, even though it was something she had seen, tasted, felt on nearly a daily basis when she was younger. Her own blood, she was fine with, but others?
Not so much.
"Hollypaw-"
"For the last time, Flarepaw, there's nothing that we can do but wait," the other apprentice cut her off without even looking from the two Low Ranks, voice rough and warped into something devastating to hear. It was a startling difference from how she usually sounded, so self-assured and unafraid to fight a verbal battle with anyone. Flarepaw decided she didn't like that. "This was a last resort decision."
"That's not stopping you from still looking at the remaining herbs like you'll magically find an answer," Flarepaw felt a slight scowl pull at her lips, and for a moment, she felt as though it was a tad bit disrespectful to be arguing over the bodies of the wounded. She swallowed lightly, shoving her temper back down her throat with the nausea, and tried again in a softer voice, "If you voice your ideas out loud, maybe I can help?"
"As if you'd know what anything I say means."
Her temper clawed its way back up for a moment, not wanting to go without a fight, bitterness creeping into her voice alongside resignation as she let out a small scoff. "You and I both know I'm not a complete stranger to this world."
She motioned to the area around them and Hollypaw finally turned her eyes to look in her direction. She almost looked surprised, like she hadn't actually expected Flarepaw to still be there and it stung a bit. Flarepaw tried not to be so offended by that- Hollypaw was no doubt grieving in her own way right now.
Her words spoke the truth. Though she had undoubtedly recovered tremendously from the fire, so much so she couldn't exactly remember the last time she required Roseberry's specific combination of herbs, there were still moments here and there where her lung troubles would sneak up on her if she wasn't careful. Roseberry had warned her that it would never truly go away, always a cloud hovering over her head, even if it was at a distance.
Yes, she was no stranger to the Medicine Den. But just because she frequented these four walls didn't mean she lived here, unlike Hollypaw and Roseberry. The two had this world all to themselves until the next time someone wanted to join them on the path of a healer.
"Right," Hollypaw murmured after a moment, letting out a harsh breath and nodding to herself, eyes drifting down once more before quickly looking back towards the pile of herbs. "Right. Apologies."
"You don't have to apologize," Flarepaw shifted her weight once again and found that no position was helpful. She was half-surprised when she felt Thornblaze's flank give a slight shudder, a movement, another inhale. She had forgotten to count. Narrowing her eyes, she fought against her desire to just look away and instead focused on the tom's breathing again. "I meant what I said though, maybe I can help? At the very least, it's useful to voice your thoughts aloud."
"I'm not…" Something like guilt and something like regret clouded Hollypaw's face as she let out a bitter sounding sigh. "I'm not… looking for answers right now. I just- I know… I've hit a wall and there's no way of bypassing it."
"I'm giving up," was the translation Flarepaw heard and she couldn't entirely get mad at that. Ah, so that's why you look guilty. Perhaps it was ingrained into every fiber of Hollypaw's being to try try and try some more to look for a miracle, to make one happen if she couldn't find it but right here and now?
She was out of her depth, and as skilled as Flarepaw knew the apprentice to be, she was just that still… an apprentice who still had so much to learn. This was just another one of her lessons: sometimes things were hopeless and there was nothing you could do about it.
Flarepaw swallowed thickly.
"Then… why do you keep looking?"
Hollypaw let out a humorless laugh, "It's gonna sound silly."
"Trust me, as far as coping mechanisms go, nothing is silly." Flarepaw hummed to herself, giving a nonchalant shrug. "I think I'm qualified enough to say that."
"I suppose…" Hollypaw let out another dour chuckle before sighing. It was quiet once more; for seconds, moments, a minute- so long that Flarepaw was beginning to think she had overstepped some sort of boundary in their tentative camaraderie and shared grief and was beginning to regret it. At last, the black-furred she-cat murmured. "It's a comfort method. I… Counting. I go through what they are in my head, how many there are, what they do, and where they're grown. It helps to remind me."
"Remind you of what?"
"That I'm not entirely useless," Hollypaw's lips curled into something resentful, dark amber eyes turning to Mousepaw and Thornblaze. "In situations like this, where there's nothing I can do- I need that reminder."
"Hollypaw…"
"Don't. I know," Hollypaw shook her head harshly, and Flarepaw had never seen her so… defeated. So critically disappointed with herself. "But I'm sure you also know it's not as simple as 'don't think like that' or 'it's not true' because no matter how much you try, you believe it to be true until the next good thing comes along and proves it otherwise."
Flarepaw hated admitting Hollypaw was right. She had been in that position time and time and time again her entire life and she already knew it was going to keep happening. That's just the way things were with them. Perhaps it was just this life, this clan, or perhaps it was something else entirely- a weakness or a scar in their mind that would never go away. Self-blame was easy, but self-love was nigh impossible, even at their best.
"Well, for what's it worth," Flarepaw had doubts it was worth much, but she still felt like saying it, "I know you aren't useless. This was just…" An impossible situation.
"Yeah," Hollypaw muttered, sounded entirely too unconvinced but Flarepaw decided it would be best not to push any longer. "Right. Thanks."
The conversation came to a lull and at her side, Flame looked entirely uncomfortable as he looked between the two of them. Sadness and sympathy were awash on his features and Flarepaw thought he was much too soft-hearted compared to any of the rogues she had ever known. Questions sat at the base of her tongue, questions that the rest of the clan had about this stranger that he wouldn't answer to anybody.
What was his role in all of this? Where did he come from? Why had he been so close to the brink of death when he arrived?
"Is this my fault, miss Hollypaw?"
Flarepaw blinked to herself and Flame was tilting his head down, ears flat against his skull so tightly she feared they may never rise again. He looked about as guilt-ridden as Hollypaw had been, and the Grand Royal apprentice let out a silent sigh and shifted her gaze away before the contagious guilt could eat her soul as well. (It had already begun anyway.)
"You are not responsible for Leaf-bare. You are not responsible for the fact that we were unprepared for this." Hollypaw turned blazing eyes up, narrowing them. "You did not have any part in this attack. No Flame, it's not your fault."
"But… the herbs, you used some on me, no?"
"Let me put it this way," Hollypaw took in a deep, tired breath. "Even if we hadn't helped you and we had some herbs here… One of them was still going to die. Stars, maybe both still because part of this is not just stopping the bleeding now or keeping them breathing- it's continuously stopping the bleeding and keeping them breathing and preventing infection. The recovery process requires so much more than what we have. So yes, we used some on you, and we helped you, because while you were close to death… they are closer. Much, much closer than you had ever gotten. Death had you in its sights, but it has them in its clutches. It wouldn't have made a difference."
Flame looked a bit comforted by that fact, and he muttered another silent apology before focusing back on the task at hand. Flarepaw decided it would be entirely unfair to blame him for any of this, and while there would most definitely be some members of the clan who would blame this rogue for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, she would not. She didn't know if she would defend him, but she sure wasn't going to harass him or attack him for no reason.
It was entirely too quiet for her comfort and there wasn't anything Flarepaw could do to regain her balance. She felt like the world had tipped on its axis and she was falling in a way she had never before. It was strange- this grief and this guilt. It wasn't the kind of grief and guilt she was accustomed to.
Because she had never personally known either of these Commoners. As far as she was concerned, they were just another member of the clan, someone she had always expected to be there. She had no connection to them- to say she had no love or care for them wasn't entirely true because, in an innate kind of way, she had some love and some care for every member of her clan (however slight for some and withering for others). Still, she wasn't close to them.
She could hardly even remember having a conversation with them that wasn't just a passing of orders even.
But they were important to Sootpaw, and Sootpaw was important to her. By extension, these two were important to her as well. If she had been given the chance, she would have wanted to get even closer to them too.
Now, that chance was about to be ripped from her grasp before she could even register having it there.
There were shouts outside of the den, someone arguing and voices rising and falling and rising again. Flarepaw almost felt like straining her ears to try and listen, but everything was muffled. By the walls of the den, by the sound of her own breathing, by the water she was just barely able to keep herself on the surface of. She was floundering to try and stay above the water level, not wanting to begin the tortuous process of drowning because for so long she had been drowning, and only recently was she able to find air. She was up to her neck in it though, and she feared something would come along any second now and tug her down into the abyssal waves.
"She's taking too long," Hollypaw murmured, mostly to herself as she sent a glance over her shoulder and back again, sighing and Flarepaw had to marvel how she could remain in one spot without moving for so long. Already, her body felt as though it was beginning to fall asleep, growing numb and cold from where she leaned over Thornblaze's body. "And if that noise is any indication, I don't think it's going well. I'm not quite sure why she would tell the rest of the clan though… Normally this is just a matter for the Grand Royal to listen in on."
"Do you think the Grand Royal…" Flarepaw couldn't even stomach the thought of finishing her sentence, ears falling flat, and Hollypaw only gave a slight hum in response. There was no need for an answer, no need to even voice the question.
The chances of Redstar deciding to use the herbs and attempt to save one of them was slim to none- and that was being considerate. If the yelling and shouts were anything to go by, perhaps a decision had already been made.
She hated not being out there to argue in their favor, not being there for Sootpaw, who was probably fighting the hardest at that moment. Sootpaw…
"Hollypaw… What's going to happen to Sootpaw?" Silver eyes lifted with timidness, a frown to her lips. "I don't… I don't know what will become of him after all of this."
"You think I do?"
"You're the one who knows him the best, aren't you?"
Hollypaw gave another one of her bitter chuckles, a sour smile to her lips as she shook her head slowly. "I don't think anyone truly knows him, Flarepaw. Not me, not you. Stars, maybe not even himself. We've seen him happy, we've seen him sad. I fear we haven't seen him at his worst yet."
"He killed someone," the words were like acid on her tongue, burning upon release and leaving a sick residue at the roof of her mouth. She could still see it in her mind's eye; Sootpaw screaming a banshee cry as he tore into the corpse beneath him. Blood staining his body, blood that didn't belong to him. "One of the rogues. He… That kind of thing leaves a scar on you… I'm afraid of what's going to happen to him now."
"I don't have any answers for you, Flarepaw," Hollypaw let out a sharp exhale. "Sootpaw is… an enigma. A puzzle I haven't figured out yet, and that puzzle keeps changing into something twisted. I will be there for him though. He may not need saving, but certainly needs help." Dark amber eyes darted up to silver and back down again. "The question you should be asking is if you'll be there."
"I will," Flarepaw said without a moment's pause. She blinked to herself before adding in a smaller voice, "I will try to be."
Anything could happen and the fact that the near future was so unknown scared her more than anything else. (She didn't know if she'd be brave enough to face it all. She liked to think she was but…)
There was a scream outside that rattled her bones, sounding so full of wrath and grief and hate, she jumped in her skin and she just barely restrained the urge to go and see what it was (barely kept her paws in place still). Hollypaw strained her neck to look over her shoulder and Flame was staring wide-eyed at the entrance of the den, as if expecting wraiths of the damned to claw their way in to drag everyone away.
Then, silence. A few quiet murmurs of voices that were so difficult to place (she thought she heard Wildfire at one point shouting orders or something of the like) but it was too hard for her to hear. Her heart hammered in her chest and she had a terrible, terrible foreboding feeling about all of this.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Three breaths…
The sound of pawsteps, so slow and reluctant, approached and the three of them held their breaths as the approaching figure came closer and closer. A shiver of the ivy as someone gently pushed the curtain away revealed a stern-faced Roseberry, dark blue eyes almost black with some internal dilemma she was going through. She seemed almost blind to everything around her, moving on autopilot before her gaze darted and immediately zeroed in on the two Commoners.
All at once, her body seemed to drop with exhaustion: shoulders drooping, chin lowering, ears hanging, mouth a heavy frown.
"No…" Hollypaw breathed so quietly Flarepaw could barely hear her, and the look on her face appeared as though she knew exactly what was going to happen. Her gaze lowered to Mousepaw, to Thornblaze, before she slowly, unwillingly, began to pull her paws away from the wound.
Hollypaw took a step back, two steps, and the expression on her face was so full of pain it hurt Flarepaw just to look at it.
"Hollypaw." Flarepaw flattened her ears, panic bubbling a toxic concoction in her stomach and her throat tightened. She had a slight idea of what this was about, but she would be damned if she accepted it. "Why'd you stop? What-"
"I am going to have to ask you to leave, Grand Royal Flarepaw."
That voice… It was Roseberry's voice, but it sounded so… so different. So alien and not anything like that she-cat she was used to. She sounded like a stranger, and Flarepaw furrowed her brow in confusion and turned her head in the Medicine Cat's direction just to make sure it was actually her who had spoken.
It was. Dark blue eyes had yet to leave the two unconscious Commoners, head raised just the slightest bit higher. Roseberry never really addressed Flarepaw by her rank, and the apprentice had never truly expected her to use it either. Roseberry was kin- family didn't have to use rank (because their bonds went beyond it, at least in her eyes).
The Medicine Cat glanced at Flame for only a second long enough to say, "Will you please step into one of the private dens until I come and get you?"
The rogue blinked in surprise- more so for being addressed than actual curiosity about the question- and once her request caught up to him, he looked like he wanted to ask something but thought better of it. Green eyes glanced down at where his paws were still placed, looking towards Hollypaw for some sort of direction. The Medicine Cat apprentice met his eyes and gave a single, stiff nod; and it was enough to assure Flame to remove his paws and step away.
With that, the tom began to leave the area, wandering deeper into the tunnels to no doubt look for a random den to step into.
Now, Flarepaw was sure of what was going on.
They decided to let them die. Her eyes narrowed as she stubbornly remained in her place. They're not going to save them.
"You can't give up, Roseberry." There was a plea to her voice that did not go unnoticed by the Medicine Cat.
Still, she spoke in that stilted tone as before: "Grand Royal Flarepaw, I am ordering you to step out of this den."
The words, the tone, the order- it all pressed against her nerves and her temper burned at her tongue and she spoke before she could stop herself. "I outrank you. You can't order me around."
(She knew that wasn't true- Medicine Cat's did not follow the rules the rest of the clan did. They could order around anyone, even the Grand Royal but only if the situation allowed it.)
(This situation allowed it.)
Steel and stone took precedence over the nigh expressionless look in Roseberry's eyes and they narrowed. When she spoke, her tone was just on the cusp of harshness, stern and unforgiving.
"Out there, maybe not; but in here, I am in charge. As long as you are in here, you and everyone else listens to me. In my presence, in my world, I outrank you." Roseberry gave her an almost glaring look and Flarepaw felt herself instinctively backing down, unused to such ferocity in the Medicine Cat's tone. "I am not asking again, your job is done here. Leave."
Flarepaw was shocked. Never before had Roseberry truly ordered her around in such a way. So remorseless, unforgiving, leaving no room for argument. (It reminded her of the other High Ranks, of her father. And she pitied the fool who ever thought that Roseberry was not one of them.)
(She wondered what Willowflame would think of this situation. Would she side with Flarepaw or Roseberry? Would she even pick a side?)
Disheartened, Flarepaw gave one final look down at Thornblaze. The lead Commoner had always appeared so… Well, not powerful per se, but assured. Confident in a way only a Commoner could be. He was kind. He was gentle.
He did not deserve this. Neither he nor Mousepaw did.
"You're not going to use the herbs on them, are you?" She already knew the answer, but she needed to hear it out of Roseberry's mouth. Perhaps she was only delaying the inevitable even more, perhaps she was just torturing herself by wanting to hear the words and torturing Roseberry for making her say them out loud.
"The Grand Royal has decided no," Roseberry padded closer and Flarepaw found it funny (not funny, sad) that she sounded like the Roseberry she knew now instead of whatever that was earlier. Only in her grief. Dark blue eyes flickered to the barely moving flanks of the two, wounds that were bleeding slowly now instead of practically spilling like before. "I must follow his orders. I agree that it is merciful to give them a quick death, because at this point…" a pained expression flickered across her face, "there isn't anything I can do to save them. I'll only be delaying the inevitable. Prolonging their pain."
"Miracles can happen," Flarepaw's voice was small, unsure. Hopeless.
"Maybe so," Roseberry walked over to her side and, because Flarepaw wasn't doing it herself (because she couldn't), carefully moved the apprentice's paws away from where they had been uselessly trying to stop a wound from bleeding. She placed their paws on the ground, still holding Flarepaw's in her own and bowing her head slightly for their eyes to meet. "But not in this case."
Flarepaw could feel tears of frustration spring to her eyes and she quickly shut them, gritting her teeth and sending an apologetic glance to Thornblaze and Mousepaw.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't help you. The system has failed you before I could try and make it better.
I'm so sorry.
She was too late.
"Please, leave," Roseberry continued speaking in the soft tone of hers, "I don't want you to see this."
It almost felt like a cop-out, leaving now. And she guiltily, gratefully, took it. With a nod, Flarepaw sniffed and pulled herself away from Roseberry's grasp. Hollypaw, still in the den and virtually glaring down at the laid out herbs as if she was trying to burn them all with her gaze alone, did not move to address her. Flarepaw ignored her as well, sparing only a glance in her direction and biting the apologies and reassurances on her tongue and swallowing them down.
"Sootpaw is in the Prisoner's Den."
Flarepaw came to a screeching halt and twisted around so suddenly it damn near made her dizzy. Roseberry was busying herself with smoothing down the fur of Thornblaze and Mousepaw, picking at some of the dried flakes of blood and going about beginning to clean them.
"What?" She wasn't sure she had heard her correctly.
She did though because Roseberry lifted her head up to look at her before saying, "He attacked the Grand Royal out of grief. He will be held there for the time being until everything settles down."
And wasn't that the worst part of it all?
Sootpaw won't even get to say goodbye…
"Thank you," Flarepaw said because it was the right thing to say before turning back around and continuing her trek out of the den. She ignored the bloodstains on her paws, the twinging of her wounds that seemed so inconsequential compared to everything else going on.
Along the way, right before exiting the den, she passed by Redstar- a fresh gash down his muzzle. He seemed to ignore it too, and he gave her a nod in passing and said nothing else. She didn't really know what she was expecting, and she was so caught up in surprise at seeing him with a wound- however small- that Flarepaw couldn't exactly say anything before he was gone.
She didn't know whether she should be glaring at him too or not.
Bracing herself for impact, Flarepaw took in a deep breath and finally stepped out of the den after what felt like days of being trapped in there. The cool night air was rejuvenating as she took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling so tired and drained from the day's events that she just wanted to collapse right then and there. Her fight with Ignis had taken its toll on her body, apparently, but she pushed on and kept a brave face.
Even more so when, immediately upon stepping outside, she could see the gathered Commoners off to the side, all of them in some stage of grief. The Commoner Queen was bawling and leaning heavily against Swiftleaf and Ravenflight as the two tried consoling her. Adderpaw was being held together by his mentor, the large tom looking as though he would collapse to the ground in a heap if it wasn't for Owlpelt's security.
A few of the High Ranks and the Artisans were still lingering around, eyeing the grieving Low Ranks with various expressions from true sympathy to unbridled pity. At least they seemed somewhat respectful to their clanmates, all of them quiet and a few hanging their heads. Some looked like they had no idea what to do, and a few looked confused as to why this hurt them so much.
Flarepaw wanted to go over to the Commoners, to share her condolences with them. But it felt… She didn't exactly know. A part of her thought it would be wrong of her to do so.
Perhaps they would take it the wrong way. The last thing she wanted to do now was offend them.
She decided against it. Maybe some other time she could, when the pain wasn't so raw it was violent.
She was about to head in the direction where the hole to the Prisoner's Den was when there was suddenly a commotion at the camp entrance. All eyes- save for the Commoners who were too busy crying for their fallen comrades- snapped in that direction and Flarepaw could just barely see Russetclaw's pelt moving through the bramble thorns, apparently dragging something with him.
As she walked closer without her knowing, the breath caught in her throat as she saw Emberpaw held within his grasp. At first, she thought it was because the brusque Royal had gotten herself into some trouble and was too wounded to walk or unconscious, but… no. Emberpaw was writhing against her father's grip, curses spilling from her lips alongside the growls and she had actually nicked Russetclaw's shoulder and face before he twisted harshly to the side, tossing her a short distance away and into camp.
Gingerpaw walked in quietly behind them, ears flat against his head but not saying anything.
"You idiotic brat!" Russetclaw growled and Flarepaw was moving over before she could stop herself, the High Ranks moving their attention from the grieving Commoners to something that was apparently more exciting. Emberpaw, winded from being thrown, was gasping as she was pushing herself up from the ground. "You could've gotten yourself killed! What were you thinking chasing after those scoundrels? Were you even thinking? Of course not, you never do!"
This… This vehement scolding from father to daughter made Flarepaw furious in a way she had never truly felt before. She had known Russetclaw was to Emberpaw like Wildfire was to her, but for his disapproval for his daughter to be this open? She hadn't really been expecting that.
Wildfire's anger was always quieter, more deadly. He beat her down when no one was looking so she could be alone.
Either Russetclaw was really angry or he just didn't care who looked at them.
"I almost had them, I almost had them," Emberpaw muttered with the air she had just barely gathered, standing up and nearly stumbling back to the ground and it was only then that Flarepaw realized the injuries on her. From the fight against the rogues, no doubt, and only made worse because instead of stopping to clean them or check them, Emberpaw had gone out to hunt for them instead. Still, it hardly seemed like Emberpaw cared about her own injuries, too angry with her father as she bared her teeth and snapped back at him in return. "I almost had them and you ruined it!"
"Oh please, what were you expecting to do once you found them?" Russetclaw stepped closer, "Fight them? Look at you! You can barely stand! You would have put yourself and your brother in danger. You never think, Emberpaw!"
"I hate losing, I hate losing!" The pure, vitriolic, and unadulterated hate in Emberpaw's tone made her voice rough, a snarl warping her words into something terrifying enough to temper some of Russetclaw's anger. "I was going to get them back- I was going to get them back, and you let them get away!"
"Foolish she-cat," Russetclaw scoffed with a shake of his head, "There wasn't anything you could have done besides get yourself killed. Now, stop being an imbecile and go get yourself checked out by the Med-Cats and-"
"No!" Emberpaw hissed and the silence that followed suit was heavy, and for half a second, Flarepaw couldn't understand why she suddenly felt so nervous. Not towards Emberpaw, though she couldn't deny the ferocity was a bit startling and nerve-wracking. No, her eyes drifted over to where Russetclaw was, watching his face closely and- oh. That's why.
Flarepaw had involuntarily learned to be quiet and complain whenever she was being lectured by Wildfire, so seeing Emberpaw yell back- especially so vehemently- made her expect some sort of outburst from the tom. It didn't come, surprisingly enough, and a part of her was almost a bit bitter because Wildfire always smacked her whenever she had an ounce of defiance within her.
But apparently, Russetclaw didn't have as much of a hold on his daughter as Wildfire did (and Flarepaw was proud of Emberpaw for that).
"I'll let these scar," the black and red Royal was still speaking, tone no less full of anger but it was a simmering thing now instead of an explosive force, voice low and rumbling as she glanced down at herself. Her wounds weren't grievous- certainly not to the extent to bring immediate alarm, not to the extent of Thornblaze and Mousepaw- but they were noticeable. That wasn't all too surprising- Emberpaw's fighting style required her to go in, charging headlong into battle and getting right up to the opponent's face with relentless aggression.
She wasn't like her brother, who blocked every hit to avoid bleeding, and she wasn't like Flarepaw, who dodged everything so she wouldn't slow down. The wounds she received only seemed to fuel her even more, the longer battle progressed, the more cuts and scrapes and bruises and bites she received, the harder she fought. It was a reckless fighting style, one that came with many scars, but it was a fighting style that reflected Emberpaw's biting and callous personality- not giving up on anything no matter how much she was hurt.
Perhaps it was why she seemed to be so affected, so bitter, so harsh on herself about this loss.
"We failed," the fight was slowly draining out of Emberpaw's body, exhaustion quickly catching up to her, and Flarepaw could see the she-cat's brother nervously take a few steps in her direction, looking as though he would dive to catch her if she began to fall. "Blazeclan... lost."
Flarepaw frowned to herself as she glanced around at the others' faces, the High Ranks who had seemed so sympathetic now becoming angry. Bitter. Just like Emberpaw, blaming themselves for their own complacency. If only they had searched harder, if only they had found the rogues earlier, if only there were more patrols- if only, if only, if only.
Some would blame the Commoners for all this, for their weakness, but at the end of the day, it wasn't their fault for not being able to fight skillfully. It wasn't their fault no one could find the rogues.
It's ours.
"Next time, we won't lose," Flarepaw lifted her head again and found that the rest of the Royal apprentices had gathered around Emberpaw. Rowanpaw was right in front of her, his scarred face holding a frown, and as their fellow apprentice looked at him, his amber eyes darkened with determination before he gave a nod. "Now, let's go get you cleaned up."
Emberpaw was quiet for so long, just staring at his face, that Flarepaw almost thought she was going to deny him. But Amberpaw was at one of her sides, silently offering her shoulder, and Shadepaw was on the other side, giving her a reassuring smile, and it was enough to make Emberpaw sag and wordlessly trail after them as they made their way to the den.
Flarepaw watched it all with a wistfulness in her heart, turning her head without realizing it to meet Gingerpaw's eyes.
At one point, all of them had been close to each other. Not exactly the best of friends, but they were in this race for Grand Royal together. They all had a companionship to each other that came with always trying to one-up the other, competitiveness that bred camaraderie.
It felt nice knowing that didn't fade just because one of them lost and became a Royal instead.
(She wondered if Gingerpaw and her would still be welcomed by the time it was over, or if they were seen as so far up above the Royals they could never be on equal terms.)
At the very least, she didn't have to worry about Emberpaw.
Now, her concerns were only on one grieving tom who had gone and gotten himself into trouble with the Grand Royal.
Slinking away from the commotion and the crowd that was beginning to disperse, Flarepaw continued making her way over to the entrance to the Prisoner's Den. There was nobody standing guard, surprisingly enough, and it was most likely due to the fact that whoever was supposed to be there had been nosy. Curiosity was a killer.
And her supposed salvation, but even though she wanted nothing more than to just walk in there to be with Sootpaw, she hated, hated how she hesitated in her steps, so much so she eventually came to a complete stop. Her jaw clenched and her ears fell flat, eyes squeezing shut in frustration at no one but herself.
Someone will see you.
The secret will be out.
They will all know there's at least something there with you and him.
After being careful for so long… Did she really want to throw that all away?
He needs you.
Determined, Flarepaw pushed through her worries and forced herself to keep walking, steps heavy and hesitant but she kept going until she was right there. A glance around showed no one truly keeping an eye on her, but all it took would be a single glance in her direction and they would see her. Who cares? He needs you. Let them talk and spread rumors.
Biting the inside of her cheek, Flarepaw turned and was about to head inside when someone came out from within, damn near running straight into her in their haste and she scrambled back, ready to flee or fight she hadn't decided, when- oh.
It was Sagepaw.
He seemed just as startled to see her as she was of him, but that surprise quickly faded into something much more serious, something worried almost. Sage green eyes darted from her face to over his shoulder and it almost looked like he was blocking her from entering…
"Sagepaw."
"I…" Her Noble brother murmured, immediately cutting himself off and glancing once more over his shoulder. There was a strange look to his face, eyes wide in shock before they dropped in sadness. Sagepaw spoke in a quiet voice, pained, "I don't think you should go in there, Flarepaw."
And wasn't that just the most ridiculous thing she ever heard? Flarepaw wrinkled her nose, scoffing slightly with a shake of her head, "I have to be there for him. Sootpaw needs me."
"No… No, I don't think he does," there was a hesitance and a hidden plea in Sagepaw's voice, and Flarepaw was almost frustrated enough to snap at him to just tell her what was going on but she bit her tongue instead. "I really think he needs to be alone right now. It's safer, for him and for you."
"You make it sound like he's going to attack me."
"He might…" Sagepaw glanced down at his paws. "Maybe not with his claws, but with his words. Just… remember that he's grieving. In the only way he's allowing himself right now. Don't take anything he says to heart."
"Sagepaw, what did he say to you?" Okay, now she was getting a little worried.
"Just… remember that." Her brother gave a sad smile, stepping closer and brushing his muzzle against her cheek before reluctantly stepping out of her way. "I'll be out here, waiting for you."
A part of her thought this was some kind of reverse psychology or whatever, a way for Sagepaw to convince her to not go in without saying as much. But she had to go in, her mind was made up. Sootpaw needed her and she promised she would be there for him.
"He won't hurt me," she muttered before turning away, hesitating once more before taking the steps to go into the den.
She didn't know why it felt like she was going into battle right now.
Flarepaw hoped she would come back in one piece.
…
Redstar couldn't remember the last time he was wounded to any degree.
It felt like so long ago since his last true fight, since he was an apprentice even. Any disputes with the other clans- mostly Stormclan, because Cloudstar was a nuisance- were always settled quickly with his warriors, especially with Whiteshadow as his lead Royal. Casualties were put to a minimum and there was never truly a need for him to go into battle.
Perhaps it had made him complacent. Perhaps, as Cloudstar had once said, he was out of practice.
Not out of practice enough to not see Sootpaw coming before he launched himself at him. Redstar wasn't all too surprised it had happened. He could have stepped aside, blocked the hit, pinned the Commoner down before he had reached him but…
Redstar allowed it to happen.
It was the least he deserved for what he was about to do.
In the Medicine Den, dull yellow eyes immediately zeroed in on the two bodies on the ground. It was so difficult to tell that they were even breathing, and the Grand Royal felt his heart whining in sympathy. Roseberry had been right- even if he had given the go-ahead to save one of them, there was very little chance they would have succeeded.
He was making the right choice here… At least, he hoped he was.
They would have died either way. Still, this way, it gave Sootpaw someone to blame at least. Sometimes, it helped to direct grief and anger onto something tangible and within reach.
Otherwise, it might have just destroyed him then and there, and then Sootpaw would be just like him, and then where would he be? What would he have?
Absolutely nothing.
Redstar would not allow that to happen to the Commoner.
"You don't need to see this," Roseberry spoke with her apprentice, the young Hollypaw who could not tear her eyes away from those marked for death. When her gaze flicked to him for half a moment, he was all too aware of the simmering anger in them, directed at him- and that was fine.
They all needed someone to blame, and the rogues were long gone by now.
Redstar would be that someone they could hate for now- because that was the first step to recovery.
"Isn't this something I need to learn?" Hollypaw said with barely restrained bitterness, jaw clenched and eyes shining with a sheen of unshed tears. Let them fall, Redstar frowned as he looked at her, It will be much better if you don't stop yourself from feeling. She jerked her head down to the two bodies, "Should it ever happen again?"
Stars forbid it to happen again. Redstar could hardly live with himself for having done it once, and now… Now.
He was so far off from a husk he didn't know what he was anymore. Certainly not the Grand Royal, definitely not a cat. Not even a shell, nor a ghost. He was just…
Nothing.
"Not right now, Hollypaw," Roseberry sounded tired and Redstar wondered when that happened. When his Medicine Cat and dearest friend became almost as exhausted as he, his body crippled with pain and grief. (Ah, yes. It happened with the fire when she lost her sister and did not even have a chance to save Willowflame. He remembered now.) "Please, go with Flame or to your nest."
Hollypaw looked like she wanted to keep fighting, to stay, almost as much as she wanted to leave and never return. In the end, she gave one final look to Thornblaze and Mousepaw before letting her head drop in a bow, turning around and walking deeper into the tunnels until they were finally alone. Redstar could not help but watch her leave.
Someone so young… to go through such grief.
Why does that keep happening?
"Am I making the right choice, Roseberry?" The Grand Royal asked even though he already knew the answer that would come from her. So in-sync the two were, and it was a relationship that he did not take for granted. In a world where he was nothing but a vessel for the abyss, it felt nice to have someone to look toward. The Medicine Cat still had light in her yet, darkness had not touched her heart and he doubted it ever would.
She was much too strong to accept defeat. (Unlike him.)
"It's an impossible choice, Redstar," she said, just like he knew she would. Anything to make him feel better, even if she didn't believe it. Looking at her face carefully, he knew that even she didn't know what to believe anymore at this point. Perhaps she was even bringing her own skills into question, just like him. What a pair they were. "I don't think it could be right or wrong."
Her eyes, so dark blue it was difficult to see where the pupil ended and the color began, finally found him. They flickered to the cut that was still throbbing against his muzzle and Redstar braced himself for what she was about to say (because she was about to say something, she always had something to say).
"He caught you by surprise…" Her eyes narrowed, accusatory. "Is what everyone believes."
Ah.
So, it had not escaped her careful gaze.
He didn't expect any less- nothing he did or felt could ever escape her watchful eyes.
(It was a bit unfair, really.)
(It made keeping secrets from her impossible.)
Still, he played the foolish route, "You don't believe that?"
"No," she almost sounded offended, "I know you saw him coming from a mile away. You let him hit you." She raised an imploring brow, "The question is, why?"
Redstar let out a quiet sigh. Truly unfair it was. He thought he deserved at least some of his secrets to himself. But Roseberry was unforgiving, and he was powerless to try and stop her from prying.
"It's the least I deserve for permitting… this."
He nodded down to Sootpaw's family and it did not escape him that Roseberry let out her own sight. It almost sounded disappointed, but if anything it was full of worry.
"...There you go again," she gave a small scoff, "Giving him favor." Her frown deepened and there was nothing but concern and warning in her gaze. "That's dangerous, Redstar."
He gritted his teeth. He did not particularly like discussing this matter, especially so openly with someone that wasn't in the company of his own den. Even there, ears were everywhere. Anybody could be listening.
"I am not showing favor to anyone," his eyes flashed and they became a little less dull to look at, "If I was, right now you would be doing everything you could to save one of them. But you aren't, because I did not order that."
"I know you, Redstar." And stars wasn't that annoying. There were only a few souls who knew him, knew his secrets and knew the abyss with which he sat in, knew that he could not remember the last time he had inhaled and drawn in air instead of shadows and water. Willowflame had been one of them- and she was gone. Roseberry was another, and she kept him in check. Whiteshadow he could trust, but he did not know everything.
Leafstar. She knew it all.
(Wildfire. He had no idea how Wildfire had found out, but he did and he was holding it over Redstar's head, torturing him, playing with him.)
"You're afraid he'll hate you forever."
"I know he probably already does."
And didn't that hurt. Redstar was fine with that- well not fine with it but he had no other choice but to accept it.
"Then why else are you letting him get away with so much if not to show favor?"
That's enough. He was not here for Roseberry to prick her claws into his mind. She could do that later when he was more willing. He turned a warning glare in her direction, one that did nothing to truly scare her away.
"Are we going to end their suffering or watch them slowly die?"
"I didn't you were so eager to repeat history," Roseberry murmured with a sad voice. So that's what she had been doing. Sparing him of his pain and memories and sins. How nice. "However, you're right. Let's do this."
And together, they each moved over to the Commoners, hovering over them. Redstar to Mousepaw, Roseberry to Thornblaze. With practiced movements and so in sync- so in sync they were- the Grand Royal and the Medicine Cat tilted the heads of their clanmates back, exposing throats that had been spared from the rogues. It was not pretty, and it was not as quick as either of them liked, but at least this way, they would fall into that deep sleep much faster than if they had just been allowed to go naturally. Death would come moments later, hours later if they were unlucky.
With practiced precision that came from having done this once before, they cut deep, clean lines across their necks. Redstar kept his eyes shut, and somehow, that made it so much worse because he could feel everything with astonishing intensity, could hear the way the body instinctively gargled and wheezed and tried to cling to life. It almost felt like cutting another piece of himself off as well.
He had so many slashes at this point, he didn't know how he was still in one piece.
When his eyes opened, a shocked cry lodged itself in his throat, drowning. It was not Mousepaw's body he saw, but the grey of her fur was similar enough to remind him of, of…
He could see the life drain from her eyes, a beautiful icy blue that reminded him of the ice that sat on top of the lake during Leaf-bare. There was no fear, no pain, nothing but adoration she always had, and a sense of calm and acceptance that had not taken hold of him yet. Blood- blood that he had caused, that he had spilled- stained the white part of her chest with rusty scarlet, her fur going from white to grey past her shoulders and black stripes that he had traced countless times before with peaceful aimlessness sitting on her back and haunches. Flanks that had stopped moving.
Cinderfrost was dead. She was dead, she was dead, she was dead and he killed her- oh stars he killed her, he killed her, he killed her!
(His own cries were just as loud as the newborn kit's was, a lively little tom seeking warmth from his dead mother, fur light grey like hers and scoured with black stripes. All he was missing was the white half.
Maybe he would have his eyes. Redstar loathed the idea. This poor kit didn't deserve to be related to someone like him- the one who had killed the little newborn's mother.)
The Grand Royal let out a gasp, backing away quickly from the body of his- no. It wasn't Cinderfrost. It was Mousepaw, the apprentice (the apprentice he killed.)
He was crying without realizing it.
"Redstar," Roseberry's voice was as gentle as a siren's call, piercing through the ringing in his ears and it only just occurred to him that he wasn't exactly breathing. Well, he hadn't been breathing for a long while now, but now it was beginning to burn his lungs and it made him slightly lightheaded. The Medicine Cat picked her way over to him, carefully, respectfully going around the bodies that were slowly beginning to stop twitching as the life escaped them. His eyes turned to her, seeking comfort and with the silent plea of help! Help me! She was always able to hear his unsaid begs. "That isn't her. You are not back there, you are with me here, now."
"I know," Redstar found himself saying, breath a crippled thing like the crumbling leaves of Leaf-fall as it escaped him. "I know."
And he did. That's not to say it helped him whatsoever though.
Roseberry frowned at him but decided to say nothing more, turning away from that daunting battle. Redstar was almost disappointed with her, but he understood. His issues and his trauma and his pain were all things the Medicine Cat had tried to heal time and time again, and time and time again she failed. She could only stand defeat so many times, just like him. Perhaps another day, she would try again, but that day was not today.
She already had two devastating defeats today by not being able to save Thornblaze and Mousepaw. She didn't need another one with him.
The Grand Royal would fight his battle alone, just like he had been doing for so long. (He had given up the fight so many times, but his trauma and his pain did not let him rest. They would make him stand up, only to knock him down again and again.)
"I'll get them ready for burial," Roseberry said over her shoulder, already preparing to clean the bodies as best as she could. "You do not need to be here for this, Grand Royal. Do go get some rest." Her head turned slightly to the side, "You need it."
"Aye, you have my thanks, Roseberry," he muttered beneath his breath, unsure if she actually heard him, but began to move away to stumble his way out of the den. The blood on his paw remained and he had the strange desire to saw it off. He could hardly bring himself to prepare to see the faces of his clan as soon as he was to step outside. Would they swarm him? Glare at him? Pity him?
He wished the shadows would swallow him whole.
"I sure hope you know what you're doing, Redstar," Roseberry's voice made him pause before he could breach the curtain of ivy. "You're treading very thin ice with him. If anyone has suspicions, if they learn the truth… if he learns the truth-"
Panic made his throat seize, made him snap over his shoulder before he could stop himself, "He won't. He can't." Redstar paused, eyes on the ground, and the fight left his body faster than his tears had. Beneath his breath, he murmured to himself, "It's for the best that he doesn't."
"If anyone else does?"
"I will deal with it accordingly. You need not worry about me, Roseberry."
"I will always worry about you. It's in my blood to worry."
Redstar hummed, the tip of his tail twitching before he made his way through the tunnel to the exit without another word. Roseberry didn't need to worry about him. There was nothing that could come along and hurt him more than he had hurt himself.
He cannot find out.
It's for the best that he doesn't.
Redstar stepped out and his eyes found the grieving Commoners. He had caused that, their pain, their suffering. He was trying to convince himself that there had been no other way. It wasn't really working.
He was their monster now. Maybe he always had been.
Sootpaw deserves better than someone like me.
That had been Thornblaze. And he had taken him away.
Just like his mother.
Oh how cruel you are, Redstar…
How cruel you are.
…
A/N: Huzzah! Nearly broke my collarbone trying to flip my steel club weight I use for working out, so that's fun. What I did break though, with this chapter, was my heart. Everything hurts, and you know, at some point I have to stop and ask myself why? Today is not that day, so enjoy that angst y'all XD. Some day it'll stop, I promise. (Maybe.)
Hey, you signed up for this.
…
Question of the Day
(Lowkey struggling to come up with questions XD I'm running out of steam y'all)
If you were to make your own clan in this world, what would they specialize in and what would they be called?
(If you need clarification; Forestclan's warriors are great at fighting in the trees/using their environment, Blazeclan is often best at grappling/wrestling opponents down, and Stormclan fights best in the water.)
…
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Thank you and peace out!
~Wolfcreations20
