Guilt


"Chase Theodore Brooks." Cassie placed her hands on her hips, walking into the living room as Chase looked over at her, "Who pulled out all of these toys?" She questioned.

"I did." Chase nodded

There wasn't a part of the living room floor that didn't have toys covering it. After a twelve hour shift on the beat, making arrests and dealing with not so wonderful people, coming home to a junk yard for a living room wasn't ideal.

"Daddy said I could." Chase told her immediately.

"You know you have to tidy up as you go along, though." Cassie sighed, "Cause then mommy has to clean it all up when you go to bed." She explained.

"I was only playing." Chase mumbled, turning back to his toy aeroplane as he wheeled it around himself as Cassie watched him.

"I know." Cassie sighed, "I know you are." She nodded, walking over and crouching down in front of him, "And that's ok. But it's getting close to your bedtime so we need to get all your toys back in place. It's their bedtime soon, too." She nodded, brushing her hand over his long hair as Chase nodded.

"I'll tidy up." Chase nodded to her, getting to his feet.

"We can do it together." Cassie smiled, standing back up straight, making a start on collected the hundreds of lego blocks over by the couch to put them back in the designated box.

"Hey, you're home." Theo smiled, walking into the living room as Cassie looked up at him.

"Hi." Cassie said, throwing the lego back into the box as Chase looked over unhappily.

"Careful, mommy." Chase scolded.

"Sorry." Cassie apologised, looking over at Theo, "This place is a mess." She looked at him unhappily.

"He was playing." Theo shrugged.

"Really?" Cassie looked at him, "He's got stuff down here from his bedroom. What were you doing all day?" She questioned.

"Sorting out our bills. Doing some admin stuff for Jake." Theo explained.

"Then you should drop Chase with your mom or my parents, if you're gonna be busy." Cassie said as Theo looked at her, "I mean, you talk about wanting another kid." She laughed a little.

"What the hell has gotten your panties in a twist lately? Huh?" Theo shook his head as Cassie looked over at Chase who was looking at them both.

"Baby, why don't you take these toys back up to your room, ok?" Cassie nodded to him.

"Fine." Chase said, collecting some of action figures to take up to his room.

"He's a three year old. He plays with his toys and sometimes, he can't decide which one to play with." Theo explained, "You wanna punish him for that?"

"I'm not punishing him for anything." Cassie scoffed, "But I've been gone from 7am, you've been here all day with him, I mean look at this place." She shook her head.

"Yeah and me and him are just waiting here desperate for you to come home in a good mood for once." Theo scoffed as Cassie looked at him angrily.

"Would it kill you to recognise that maybe I'm a bit stressed?" Cassie questioned.

"Then talk to me, Cassie!" Theo yelled a little, "I can't help or do anything if you put a damn wall up."

"I don't." Cassie said, "I'm not stressed about anything in particular, just work in general." Cassie said.

"You still gotta talk to me about it. You can't just come home in a strop and take it out on me and Chase." Theo shook his head.

"I am not in a strop." Cassie shook her head, "I'm just a little tired and coming home to this mess is annoying."

"He's a kid." Theo shook his head.

"It is your mess too." Cassie reminded him, "And you should damn well know better."

"God, it's like living with my mom again." Theo shook his head as Cassie looked across at him.

"You know what… you tidy it all, and bath Chase, and put him to bed." She dropped some of the toys she was holding, "I'm going out."

"Where?" Theo scoffed.

"I don't know." Cassie said, leaving the living room and heading out the house as Theo shook his head, looking at the living room, not realising it had gotten so messy throughout the day.


"He's so annoying." Cassie shook her head, sitting in her sister's kitchen as Thea looked at her.

"Ok, what… what is it you're mad about with him again?" She tried to clarify.

"Just… he acts like Chase is his buddy. The living room was covered in toys. I'm just off a twelve hour shift and I know fine well I would be the one clearing it all up, when he's been there all day." Cassie shook her head.

"Doesn't he have an injured shoulder?" Thea questioned.

"Yeah but he's capable of doing things around the house. And he's been getting physiotherapy for his shoulder. He could be back at work in a couple weeks." She nodded.

"Sometimes men are just useless." Thea shrugged.

"Last weekend Chase was staying with his mom and I get home from work, I wanna chill out and watch a movie or something and he's more interested in playing a stupid video game." She shook her head as Thea smiled a little, "What's so funny?"

"Just… your problems are so… first world, aren't they?" Thea nodded.

"Oh, shut up Thea." Cassie shook her head as Thea laughed a little.

"You're just… you're not a very good communicator." Thea nodded as Cassie looked at her.

"Excuse me?" Cassie questioned.

"Well, if I'm Theo right now, I have no idea why you're mad." Thea said, "You might know, cause it's in your head, but you can't just go off on him because the house is messy-"

"Why can't I?" Cassie scoffed.

"Why don't you just tell him what's really up?" Thea shrugged.

"No, what's the point?" Cassie rolled her eyes.

"Well… he's kinda your husband." Thea nodded, "You don't have to be made out of stone with him like you act with us." She assured her.

"What am I supposed to say exactly? I knew this was going to happen. I knew he was gonna get out. And it's my fault-"

"No, it's not your fault. If you hadn't done what you did, mom might not be with us right now." Thea said, "So… I'm glad you did it. I think we all are." She nodded, "It's not like he's gonna be working at the precinct again. Isn't it illegal for him to work in law enforcement now."

"Yeah." Cassie nodded, "Yeah, but still… it just feels like I set a really guilty person free. That's essentially what I did-"

"For mom's life." Thea reminded her.

"Jake hates me." Cassie said, "I'm never gonna make it as a detective or captain. I've made so many mistakes these past few years that cops wouldn't make in a lifetime." She sighed to herself.

"No you haven't. You've made difficult decisions, and a lot of them have saved a lot of people. Your job is gonna come with mistakes. I mean… how many mistakes do you think Theo has made in his career?" Thea asked her.

"He's a lot better at his job than I am." Cassie shook her head.

"And it's not a competition. He's also been there a very long time. You've only been there for four years. That's not a long time when you think about." Thea said, "I get it. I get making mistakes and feeling guilty. I feel the same at my job sometimes." She nodded.

"Like how?" Cassie rolled her eyes.

"Like… feeling like I could have prevented something from happening, like I could have helped someone more, prevented death even…I know in my heart that I couldn't have done any more but… your mind will do that to you. Make you feel less of yourself." Thea shook her head.

"It just sucks." Cassie sighed to herself.

"I know but you don't have to take it out on Theo." Thea shook her head, "He knows what kind of person you are so I suspect he already knows that something else is bothering you." She said, "So just tell him."

"And say what? I feel guilty for pretty much letting Mark go off free without any form of punishment?" Cassie questioned.

"Yes." Thea nodded simply, "That's exactly what you tell him, if that's how you feel."

"I don't know why I find this stuff so difficult." Cassie shook her head as Thea looked at her.

"Cause it's… it's just who you are." Thea nodded, "But it's understandable that you feel this way, I just want you to know that it's… it's not your fault. He got caught a deal, he then go an appeal, and he's out. I bet it happens with tons of people who should get punished." She said, "It's not down to you."

"I slept with him, you know." Cassie nodded to her.

"What?" Thea said immediately.

"Before, obviously." Cassie scoffed, "Thea." She said in shock, realising her sister thought she meant presently.

"What? Sorry, I thought… that's how it sounded." Thea shook her head.

"No, it was… it was when Theo was dead." Cassie shook her head, "I just… needed something to distract my mind."

"Does Theo know?" Thea asked her.

"Yeah, he found out when I was pregnant with Chase." Cassie said, "I guess I just found it easier to sleep with someone than to… talk to someone. Talk to a friend." She shrugged.

"I know a thing or two about that." Thea nodded, "Don't make yourself feel bad for that. You thought you'd lost someone you really cared for. Grief is a pretty powerful thing. And we all handle it differently." She said.

"Now I know how mom felt about Joey working with her at the beginning, when she said she felt weird about it. I feel weird about this." Cassie nodded, "And even worse because he's now just… living his life normally again-"

"Not normally. He's not got a job. That's been taken from him." Thea said, "And I'm sure he's on some sort of house arrest or… he'll have a curfew. Something restricting like that."

"Yeah, maybe." Cassie said.

"It's not your fault. These things happen. You need to let Theo in, though. He can't know what you're feeling if you don't tell him." Thea said.

"It's not that he's hard to talk to. He's easy to talk to. It's just… I don't know, I struggle with it." Cassie shrugged.

"I know you do. You always have. Remember when you got your first period and you like… didn't tell anyone about it for the longest time, and you were using toilet paper for it?" Thea nodded.

"Yeah, that was embarrassing." Cassie nodded to herself, "And then I made you tell mom cause I didn't want to." She said, " I guess I just don't like confrontation."

"I don't think anyone does." Thea nodded, "But… it's your husband, and I know you love him. You'll feel better once you talk to him about it. He'll make you feel better." She said as Cassie nodded, "If you can tell me, you can tell him."

"It's not the same. It's easy talking to you, or to Jude." Cassie shrugged.

"And it'll be easy talking to Theo." Thea nodded, "Try not overthink it. You're like Jude. Worrying about a problem when it's not even there." She shook her head.

"She's the master of that." Cassie nodded, "You heard from her?"

"Yeah, I skyped her last night. You know she uh… she turned the dress that she was wearing the night she was assaulted into a canvas." She said as Cassie a brow.

"W-What?" Cassie shook her head.

"Yeah, here. She sent me a picture of it." Thea got her phone out, getting the picture and showing Cassie.

"Wait… how is that a dress?" Cassie shook her head.

"She used the fabric for the background." Thea pointed.

"Oh." Cassie realised, "Oh." She smiled to herself as she saw the canvas and how beautiful it was, "What a gem she is."

"Yeah." Thea nodded with a smile, "When she told me I was like umm… ok. Then I saw it and I was like, that's pretty cool." She nodded.

"It's pretty." Cassie nodded, "Well I suppose I should go back home. Make sure my husband and son aren't packing my bags to kick me out." She shook her head as Thea smiled.

"Don't think into it so much." Thea nodded, standing up with her and wrapping her arm around her shoulder as she walked her to the door.