Here's the first chapter of the year, based off of "Can you Spare a Dime?"
This will be the last chapter to take place before Lori leaves to go to college and Lincoln goes to middle school. I want to stay with the show's modern state. Hope you enjoy it. This was a really fun one to write and it's one of my favorite parodies.
At the Loud home, the siblings are in the living room doing their own things. Lincoln is counting through his toy collection with Clyde. "Thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven…"
Leni is combing her hair fifty times. "Twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty..."
"Hey Leni, how many text messages did Chaz send you today so far?" Lori asked.
"Nine, ten, eleven.." Leni lost count thanks to Lori. Lori smiles slyly because of her little joke.
Lily is reading a book on counting. "One, two, three. One, two three."
"Forty seven, forty eight." Lincoln finished counting his action figures. "Everything seems to be here."
"That's great." Clyde said.
"Except…(gasps) Where is it?" Lincoln dumped all his toys onto the floor in search of something. "Where is it?!"
"What?" Clyde asked.
"Yeah, what is it, twerp?" Lori asked.
"My action figure! My SPECIAL Ace Savvy action figure! The first action figure I ever got! I always keep it at the bottom of the box for luck!"
"Well I've never seen it." Lori said.
Lincoln glared at his sister in suspicion. "Hmm, are you prepared to say that with your hand on a stack of boy band magazines?" He pulled out a stack of boy band magazines.
"Of course I'm-" Lori made a shocked face. "What are you saying?"
"Me? I ain't saying nothing that would matter to anyone who would be willing to take a lie detector test!"
"You're saying something!"
"Oh, Heavens, no. It's just that these old toys were in the attic, and my lucky action figure has gone missing, and you were cleaning the attic this morning!"
"Are you accusing me of something?!"
"Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it. Two, you stole it. Or three—you stole it!"
"I didn't steal your precious action figure!"
"Show me your pockets!" Lincoln demanded.
"What?!"
"I want to see them empty."
Enraged, Lori shoved her empty pockets in Lincoln's face. "Here! Here! Here! SEE 'EM?!"
"I'm-I'm telling Mom!" Lincoln whined.
"Go ahead, Lincoln! I'm moving out!" Lori declared. This shocked her siblings and Clyde as they gasped. Lori marches out of the house.
"Lori, wait!" Clyde called.
"I'm outta here!"
Clyde followed her. "Lori, you're making a big mistake!"
"Mistake? Ha! Lincoln's the one who's made the mistake of accusing me of thievery! Besides, why should I spend my time with someone who reads comics in their underwear? It's literally the most undignified thing you can do."
"I never knew you felt so strongly about it."
"Where have you been?"
"Well, I guess I can't stop you. But Lori, it's a cold, cold world out there. No one's going to serve you happiness on a silver platter."
A woman appeared with cookies on a silver platter and offered Clyde a cookie. "Free sample."
"Cookies!" Clyde took one and ate it.
"Can I have one?" Lori asked, but the woman left.
"Anyways, I just want you to know, if you ever get into trouble, you can come find me because I'm willing to help." Clyde pulled Lori closer to himself. "And you and I are like siblings."
Lori showed Clyde away. "Thanks for the concern, Clyde. But I don't need your help. I am ready to unlock my potential. I could literally be anything I set my mind to."
She imagined herself in various job followings. "I could be a police officer, or a singer, or a space woman."
"Or a singing officer in space...with long flowing hair." Clyde said.
Lori narrowed her eyes. "Yeah... uh-huh. Ya know, that reminds me, there's been something I've been wanting to say to you since the day we met... Goodbye. Next time you see me, this town will be eating out of the palm of my hands!"
The scene skipped to a "homeless" Lori in a box trying to get spare change in a cup from passersby. "Spare change? Spare change, ma'am?"
Clyde came by. "Lori? Lori, is that you?"
"Uh, I, Uh…" Lori hid in her box, feeling embarrassed.
"It's me, Clyde." Clyde opened the box. "Your brother's best friend. You used to live in the Loud house."
"Clyde?"
"There you go. So, where are you living these days?"
A man walked up to Lori. "Lori Loud?"
"Yes?"
"Sign here please."
Lori signed a paper and the man took her box.
"Uh...nowhere." Lori said sadly, answering Clyde's question. Then she broke down crying. "I'm a loser! I couldn't find a place to live! And all I have is my cellphone!"
"Lori, why don't you just go back to your real home?"
"I would...if Lincoln admitted he was wrong!" Lori continued to cry.
Clyde saw how sad the blonde was and got an idea. "There, there. You can come live with me."
At the McBride's house, Lori is lying in Clyde's bed. "Here you go, Lori. You can sleep in my bed. I'll just sleep in the guest room."
"Okay, but I've decided I'll go home soon." Lori declared. "I'll stay for one day, or two."
"Nonsense. You stay at Casa Clyde as long as you need to."
Clyde turned off the light and left the room. "Goodnight, my little angel."
Clyde's dads show up.
"Clyde, I still don't think Lori staying here is a good idea." Howard said.
"Dad, it's just Lori. There's no need to worry." Clyde assured.
"Well, I suppose." Harold said.
The next morning, Clyde rang a bell to wake Lori. "Lori, breakfast is ready! You're gonna need to build up your strength again so I laid out a big buffet for you." A big breakfast buffet is on the bed.
"And in bed, too? Aw, thanks, Clyde… Clyde, I…"
"Ahh! Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Here comes the plane, coming in for the landing." Clyde made plane noises while attempting to put some food in Lori's mouth with a spoon.
"It's really nice of you to help me in my time of need." Lori swallowed the food. "I'll try not to be a burden."
"It's no trouble. Is there anything else I can do for you, winner?"
"No, no, no. You've already... well…"
Next is a montage of Clyde doing stuff for Lori, like messaging her back, giving her a pedicure, grooming her hair, giving her fuzzy slippers, letting her win in a video game, and etc.
"Oh wow. Nurturing a broken spirit sure is a lot of work." Clyde said as he was getting ready to sleep in the guest room. Then his fathers showed up.
"Clyde, are you okay?" Howard asked. "Is Lori stressing you out?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm just bushed." He gets into bed with his blanket. "Still, it feels nice to do good."
"That's good to hear." Harold said.
"Goodnight, Clyde." The dads said in unison.
"Goodnight, Dads."
Harold turned off the lamp and they left. The nerdy kid fell asleep, but was awakened by a request from Lori. "Clyde, could I get a glass of water?"
Clyde turned his light on and marched over to his room, then turned on the light to give Squidward the water.
"Thank you."
"Goodnight." Clyde turned off the light and went back to the guest room, but Lori had another request.
"Clyde, can I get some more blankets?"
Clyde turned on his light again and marched over to his room again, then turned on the light to give Lori the blankets. "Here you go."
"Thanks."
Clyde goes back to the guest room, but accidentally leaves Lori's light on.
"Clyde, you forgot to turn off the light!" Clyde went back to Lori, but forgot to put his light on.
"Goodnight." He turned Lori's light off and when he left, he tripped and fell. His cat, Nepurrtiti came over to him with a flashlight. "Meow."
Clyde gasped. "Nepurrtiti! Lori is not a freeloader and she would never take advantage of me!"
A month later
"She's probably close to a breakthrough." Clyde said, very exhausted. He collapsed on the floor.
An hour later
Clyde dragged himself into the living room, by now utterly exhausted. Nepurrtiti doesn't look sympathetic, though. "Meow, meow, meow."
"I know she still hasn't decided to go home yet!" Clyde said annoyed. "Don't rub it in!"
Then Harold and Howard come over.
"Clyde, this has to stop." Harold directed.
"I agree." Howard said. "Lori's running you so ragged to the point where you can barely stand. You have to convince her to go back home to her real family."
"You're right." Clyde said, having enough.
"Clyde, where's my lemonade?" Lori called.
"Coming, Lori." Clyde fell flat on his face. He ran down the hallway with a glass of lemonade in his hand.
"Clyde?! Clyde?!" Lori called. Clyde entered his bedroom. "And why aren't you in uniform?"
Clyde exited the room and came back in wearing a butler uniform.
"It's about time you got here!" Lori said angrily, as she's in bed with a bunch of stuff.
"Here you go, Your Majesty." Clyde said sardonically.
"I can't drink that."
"Why not?"
"Are you blind? Just look at it?"
Clyde became irritated. "What about it?"
"That lemon has three seeds in it. That's literally an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered."
"Fine, I'll just take it out." Clyde took it out.
"No! No! It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!"
"Hmm, that's two things in this house that won't work." Clyde said in annoyance, referring to Lori and the lemonade.
"Then go fix them."
Clyde gripped the glass of lemonade so hard that it shattered. "Two things that won't work." He clenched his fists and trembled in anger.
"I've changed my mind. I want soup instead."
"Okay. Don't move." He walked out the bedroom, and came back in wearing normal clothes with a bowl of steaming soup. "Here you go. It's alphabet soup. I made it special."
He showed the soup with the phrase "GO HOME" in alphabet letters but then Lori slapped it out of Clyde's hands.
"Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Now you've ruined my appetite! Go fetch me something to read!"
"Oh, okay. How about this?" Clyde pulled out a comic book titled "Find Your True Home".
Lori gasped and swatted the book away, making Clyde become more angry. "Get that away from me! You know I hate comics!"
Clyde chortled. "Ya know, when you swatted that comic out of my hands, it reminded me of something a sister did to her brother... at her home!"
Then Clyde's alarm clock beeped.
"4:00. Time for my show." Lori ordered. "Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around."
Clyde rolled in a TV and handed Lori the remote. Lori turned it on to see two sock puppets: a puppet with blonde hair, which represents Lori, and one with glasses similar to Clyde.
"Hey, where are you going?" The blonde puppet asked.
"To my home." The four eyed puppet replied.
"You have a home?"
"Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy, inconsiderate person who stays at other peoples houses all day."
"Say, I have a home too."
"You don't say?"
The camera moved back in the room, showing Clyde behind the tv, making voices with the puppets and controlling them. "Yeah, it's the perfect house for blondes who say "literally" all the time. So I'm going back to it so I can stop mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!"
"This isn't my show." Lori said, oblivious. She pressed the remote, but nothing happened. "Clyde, the remote control is broken! Get your butt over here and fix it!"
"You know what, Lori?" Clyde said angrily, tossing the tv away and jumping onto Lori in bed. "Why doesn't that someone watch tv at their home?" Clyde poked Lori's nose every time he said "home." "Where they have a handyman who can fix a remote at that home! And when I want to watch tv at home, I watch it at my REAL HOME!"
Lori narrowed her eyelids. "What are you saying?"
This turned out to be the last straw! The McBride house jumped into the air before the side was smashed out as the furious boy carried Lori in his arms, outside and toward the Loud house while screaming in total fury.
At the Loud house, the whole family was gathered in the living room, except Lincoln, and have been depressed since Lori was gone for a month.
"I wish Lori would come home." Leni sighed. The others agreed.
"Same here." Lynn Sr. said. "We haven't called her recently. I wonder how she's doing."
"I wouldn't worry too much." Rita assured her husband. "She said her new life in a mansion is paradise."
"I still can't believe Lori's living in a mansion." Lola said.
"This is all Lincoln's fault!" Lana complained.
Just then, Clyde burst open the front door. "Where's Lincoln?!"
"Um, he's in his room." Rita answered, taken aback by Clyde's angry mood. Clyde immediately rushed upstairs. In his bedroom, Lincoln was talking on his phone.
"Donate to the children's fund? Well, I guess I could."
Clyde suddenly came in, took Lincoln's phone and threw it away. "You want your action figure?!" He took out an Ace Savvy figure. "Take it! Now you'll make up with Lori, right?"
Lincoln checked the figure through a telescope. "Wrong!" He threw the figure in Clyde's face. "That's not my first Ace Savvy action figure!"
"Then have some more action figures!" Clyde threw out more action figures at Lincoln's face. Lincoln narrowed his eyes. "I've got plenty of 'em!"
"You can't replace my first action figure! And I can't forgive that thieving sister of mine for stealing it!"
Clyde finally snapped in extreme rage, grabbed his best friend by the throat and held him up in the air. "Listen, you white haired punk! Lori's been living at my house, driving me crazy! And you're not going to make up with her all because of a stupid action figure!!!"
He shook Lincoln vigorously with wide open and bloodshot eyes. A big Ace Savvy action figure fell out of the white haired boy's back pocket. Clyde suddenly calmed down and let go of his buddy. "What's that?"
Lincoln gasped. "My first Ace Savvy action figure!" He hugged it. "Oh Ace, I'll never lose you again."
"Wait, you're telling me you had your action figure in your pocket this whole time?"
"Um, I guess I didn't think to check there." Lincoln said sheepishly.
"And how did that fit in your pocket?"
"Cartoon logic?" Lincoln said, breaking the fourth wall.
"So if Lori never stole the action figure, you'll make up with her, right?"
"Of course. I miss her." Lincoln said honestly.
"Whoo-hoo!" Clyde cheered.
Lori is in the living room with her family, and making up with Lincoln.
"It's good to have you back, Lori." Lincoln said.
"Well, it's good to be back Lincoln."
"So you were at Clyde's house this whole time?" Lola said. "Not a mansion?"
"Yeah, I was exaggerating."
"Lori, don't ever leave home like that again." Lynn Sr. said sternly.
"Yeah, we missed you so much." Rita said.
"Well, honestly, I realized how much I missed you guys too." Lori confirmed.
"It's all the water under the bridge now." Lincoln stated.
"I agree, lil bro."
"After all, I'm sure you didn't mean to misplace my action figure."
"What the...what are you saying?"
"Well, it's obvious that you put the action figure in my pants. Action figures just don't fly into people's pants."
"Are you accusing me of something?"
The rest of the family have worried looks on their faces as they watch the two Loud siblings argue. Clyde sighed and just left the house, not wanting to deal with this.
"Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you put the action figure in my pants." Clyde is seen outside, walking away. "Two, you put the action figure in my pants. Or three, you put the action figure in my pants!"
