A/N: Fun fact; I usually answer reviews and set up the chapter on Sunday's so that I can just focus on the story itself throughout the week. But this Sunday, I spent six straight hours doing a buttload of schoolwork that is entirely too unfair if you ask me and I could simply not. Let's hope it doesn't affect how quickly I can finish this.

*Clears throat* But in OTHER news… Guys. I… I can't even- What the hell. We hit 1k reviews and I- You guys are the best. I honestly cried because I never, for once in my life ever since starting fanfiction and deciding to upload to this site, never once thought I would have hit 1k.

And now, I've done it.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I don't have any words. I feel so incredibly blessed and I feel a little bad because I want to give you guys something as a thank you present and I have no idea what to give. (If you have any ideas, let me know and I'll see what I can do. I might just whip up a backstory chapter for y'all.)

But again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for making my dreams come true.

Let's get into this mess ;). (Also, I was cursed to be born with ovaries and everything that comes with it, and now I am in terrible pain and it's so distracting so apologies if this chapter really is a mess haha. T-T send help, I'm dying.)

Thanks to VerySeriousPerson and karlivcg for following and adding this story as a favorite!

Reviews

Hissing Mist- Ignis is gonna have a lot of fun. That's the best I can say for that haha. I have grown very fond of the City as well, especially those within it. I will do my best!

Pineshadow (Guest)- I love reading your guys' theories. Y'all are great at picking up clues, I'll give you that (or maybe I'm just bad at setting them, but then again… was I trying to hide it so hard?) "Peaceful" is the best way to describe the recent chapters haha. We're at the turning point now. Oh definitely, this is a Wolfie story, there will most definitely be lots of angst and drama to come. When I was nearing the end of the chapter and had to figure out how to end it, I was like oh, that, that'll work XD. I felt like we needed a bit of a "win" lately, Whiteshadow coming back definitely counts as one. Cross your fingers for raindrop. And Adderfang too, honestly. Let's hope he stays safe. As of writing this now, we have all made a nice recovery of it. It was a bit scary for my uncle, he had to go to the hospital multiple times throughout it, but he says he feels much better and he's home now, so that's good.

Guest- I normally don't respond to reviews from the very early chapters, but this one was so sweet XD. Thank you for joining us for the ride! I can't promise it'll go on forever, but it'll definitely be a while yet before it's done. Second Review: Wow, you read fast haha. All my readers are very fast. Have fun binge-reading! I know I prefer to do that. Glad you're enjoying it!

WolfFang-Of-Windclan: They're just a whole lot of screaming. I'm screaming. You're screaming. The characters are screaming. Fun times :). Yee, that part hurt a bit. I was initially going to make him leave the night of his ceremony, but I decided not to be that evil and give it a few days. I'm sure the others will be understanding of it. He's finally back! To be fair, in the in-universe time, it took him about a month and a half-ish for the entire journey. Whiteshadow is honestly the glue that holds everything together haha. Let's see how quickly he can whip everybody back into place. Lol, your reviews give me life. Let's start a riot. I am adept at giving everybody emotional whiplash, what joy haha. (Now, think about how Flarekitty is gonna have to face him eventually. Let's think about that pain, yeah?) Sorry for killing you. Yes, I expect you to remember emotions XD Those are a thing, apparently. That's awesome. Wow… You know, I'm still in the mindset that whenever I refer to something that happened two years ago, I always think about things like… from 2016, 2015 XD. And then I'm like, wait… Sorry about your family, but I'm glad you found an actual family that loves and accepts you :). Wish you the best of luck on your endeavors lol (meanwhile I'm over just chilling). I hope you stay safe too!

Someone (Guest)- Knocking it out of the park with those theories lol. Sorry, statements XD. I've learned from multiple other official authors- cause apparently writing fanfiction doesn't mean you're a writer, but whatever, I digress- that if your reader can figure out a plot twist, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It just means they are picking up the clues that you're putting and actually paying active attention to the thing they're reading. Idk, I'm not too stressed about you guys figuring out things. If there's a twist just for there to be a twist that makes no sense, then that's not a good thing. Hooray, Whiteshadow's back! We're saved everybody! Let's see how Wildfire reacts to being kicked out of his temporary lead Royal position lol. Oh, he's definitely becoming quite the father figure for Flarepaw. Farewell Adderfang! I wish thee the best of luck on your endeavors. That's fine lol, there's a lot of characters to keep track of. Ah right, she was supposed to get one. Welp. It's not necessarily bad in that Ignis has figured out where he's from, it's just… He might lose respect from those of the City if they find out where he's from. They don't particularly like clan cats, if you haven't noticed. But let's see if he can keep things together. I haven't been reading as many books as I would have wanted to recently, being too busy reading fanfictions instead and playing Pokemon lol. Whenever I'm browsing for books, and I actually get it, I will read like the last few lines cause I like spoiling myself apparently. It never ruins the story for me though. I don't really like reading books online if there is a hard copy that comes with it. I guess I just like the traditional way of reading a book. To the duels! Hmm, interesting question. I do have to say that since death is such a common thing for this place, most of the cats don't often grieve over the ones they lose. Of the Twelve specifically, I would probably have to go with Terra and Caeli. If someone close to them passed, they would quickly just accept it as it is and move forward. Will that happen this chapter? We'll see.

donkyhonkey- Hey, welcome back though haha. Damn, is it really that long? That's crazy, even for me. It makes sense though, considering we're about to reach (unofficially) 100 chapters lol. Yeah, that's probably the hardest part in all of this lol. Some pairs simply didn't make sense to me, and others that have yet to come. I love my silent readers too! But thanks for reviewing! Aww, thanks! I am honestly surprised I haven't broken my schedule too often. Sometimes I can't help it, but yeah. I did enjoy writing what Redstar said to him. Family relationships and found family are probably my favorite things to read and write. I am excited to write his backstory. Bittersweet is just the general mood for the entire story honestly lol. I absolutely love writing Flarekitty's journey to make friends with the Commoners. Screaming all around. I… wat… I've been saying it wrong too! XD Pronouncing it with "oo" instead of "uh" sounds so much better though? Damn. My life is a lie too lol. Doggy! New dogs are always fun to have. Thank you :). I'll cheer to that, God please let 2021 be a little nicer.

DragonstarTheGreat- I feel like I've seen your name before, but thanks for reviewing! I'm glad I could help make quarantine just a teeny bit better. I enjoy diving into each of their mental struggles and really challenging myself by stepping into their shoes and making it as realistic as possible. A distant cousin could have been an option, but then again, how would they have known Flarekitty as a sister? Oof, imagine what that's gonna feel like for her. We'll see how it goes with that issue there. Let's hope she makes the right decision. Well, I'm glad something good came out of quarantine for someone :). That game is great. I'm a little sad my campaign ended and now I am patiently waiting for the next one to start, but I don't know when that'll happen. Don't feel obligated to review every chapter, I'm just glad you're enjoying the story!

FrostedShadowx- Nah, it wasn't late. You got like two weeks before the next chapter to review haha. Aww, thank you. Isn't that the highest honor? I personally never read any of the actual books, so I'll have to take your word for it. That would have been fun lol. I don't think he would have been able to kill a lot of cats though. His leaving is definitely the safer option lol. He's back! Why, I would never (I would, but still) XD. So smart, my readers are very smart. Yee, it'll be soon… Very soon. (As in, next chapter soon? Maybe). Backstory chapters always make me nervous because I always try to make it better than the last, but we'll see. Hmm, we'll see.

reading at 3am is normal- Well, at least you got like two weeks to review, so that's plenty of time. Don't stress :). Hooray, suffering! School sucks. I think we're all doing fine now, so that's good. Man, I wish I was a noncorporeal being. My body sucks (as I've said, I am always in some kind of pain or discomfort. When it's not one thing, it's another. I honestly don't remember the last time I had just a day where I was just normal). I still have to mentally train myself to call him Sootblaze and not Sootpaw. I enjoyed writing their interactions while it lasted. They are different kinds of loves, and personally, I don't think one of them is "more valid" than the other. Love is love no matter what kind of love it is, and it hurts to lose the ones you love. Whiteshadow! I'm so happy he's back now. Hmm, no. Warriors of this world don't really "retire." They keep fighting until they die. Wildfire would just be a Royal warrior (unless he can rise to lead Royal). As for Redstar, he would eventually take his old name back- and it's up to him whether he would choose to leave the clan or whatever. The previous Grand Royals just "know" when it's their time to leave for the new one to take over. No, I don't think there's ever been a King perspective either. Interesting theory there. Raindrop is having fun, just give her some time lol. Hey, new music is always nice to find. Have a nice day!

Nightsky of FlameClan- I'm happy for you! It's always good, especially when so many horrible things happened last year, to reflect back on the good things that did happen.

jassheikhsfa- Hmm, interesting. I don't think I've ever seen anybody go on the opposite end of that theory spectrum. The scent that Whiteshadow recognized at that time was Phantom's, not King's. It was never said that Flamepaw hated Blazeclan. The journey itself to the City actually only takes around a day, it's not too terribly far (less if you only go halfway or so, and nothing if someone from the City came to the clan instead of the other way around). The only reason Whiteshadow took forever going there is because raindrop was with him, and also the weather was bad. And it took forever for him to come back because they got wrong lol. Hmm… I'd have to do the math, but as of now the current Grand Royals are the 8th leader. I don't have time for the math right now lol, but I'll get back to you on that. (The clans aren't entirely old either. They've been there for a bit, yeah, but not for incredibly long.) Thank you for reading! That part will definitely be answered in his backstory though, so we'll see it soon.

Kanadian (Guest)- So many theories, I can't handle them lol. I mean, if you saw your sister getting assaulted by your father nearly everyday… Wouldn't that make you a little unstable too? Father was already dead by that point, but the current King did have to kill the previous one. (He won.) I was wondering if anybody would actually catch that in the allegiances. Forbidden relationships are fun to read, but they can get pretty cliche in my opinion. (I say as Cherrypaw is half-clan in this story XD). Yep, golden-yellow. And I've described both of them as a "sunset" or in relation to the sun. Except, Redstar's is always dull and dead, and Sootblaze's is always bright and burning and calming. Hmm. I guess it really depends on your definition of "soon." There's still a bit yet before the end, and if I give a rough estimation, I'd give it another year. Maybe two, depending on a lot of things. Sorry if there are pieces that made you bored. I am fully aware of the possibility of you guys losing interest in this story, but first and foremost, I write this story for me. I am still excited and determined to reach the end. I hope you guys do stick around until the end, but if not, I'm just glad you gave my story a chance :). I hope I can keep it exciting until the very end. Thank you! I have thought about cross-posting to ao3 (and I've recently started a RWBY fanfiction on there, so I'm still growing adjusted to the website), but I don't know if I'll ever go through with it. Maybe once it's finished so I can just upload each of the chapters onto there consistently as well. Fingers crossed that my mom learns her lesson (I feel bad for saying that, but still). Thanks for reviewing!

Guest- Don't know if you were the same one as before but anyway. I'll let you think about that possibility lol.

Thanks to everybody who reviewed, followed, and/or added this story as a favorite!

Let's get started!

Blazeclan

He was in the Nursery, taking care of Feathersong and doting on her every need (despite the Queen telling him to take care of himself too) when Flarepaw told them Adderfang was gone.

Sootblaze had frozen up from where he was grooming the Queen's pelt, reaching places for her she couldn't quite reach herself at the moment, and he kept his gaze firmly on the ground by his paws. He could feel Flarepaw looking at him, but at the moment, he couldn't bring himself to meet sympathetic silver eyes.

It wasn't because he was angry at her. Not completely. With his anger tempering and dying out and leaving him cold, he had seen just how much she was trying to prove that she wasn't just another High Rank like he had said she was. Caring for them, checking in with them, and generally just giving them a few hints to improve their skills just a tad bit (he didn't think she was quite ready to offer to train them as she had trained him, but perhaps one day…), it was her way of showing she was changing. For the good, this time.

He was more ashamed of himself than anything for saying such terrible things to her. His own words echoed balefully in his head and he could not get them to stop any more than he could get the harsh whispers to.

He didn't know if she would ever forgive him. If he was worthy of forgiveness at this point.

Feathersong and Flarepaw continued talking, quiet words and grief and condolences filtering between the two, but Sootblaze had zoned out. He stared a hole into the ground and he was debating on whether or not to bury himself in it.

"Then leave!" He had shouted again and again to Adderfang, and now, his friend really was gone. Just like the others. He couldn't say that he didn't expect Adderfang to leave, because, in all honesty, he did. Sootblaze was prepared for it, every day and every second just a ticking time bomb.

At least, he thought he had been prepared for it.

And now hearing it, it was a little surreal. Like, he was fully expecting Flarepaw to say "just kidding" and for Adderfang to walk in with a wink and a smile. But no, Flarepaw wasn't one to joke like that, and Adderfang had lost his playful humor along with his love.

He felt like he should blame himself, but quite frankly, he was tired of blaming himself for everything now.

Adderfang was gone.

(He's gone, he's gone, he's gone. Just like Mousepaw. Just like Thornblaze and Shrewpaw and Bluepaw and everybody else who left him.)

"Sootblaze?" He still wasn't used to hearing that name, his name. It didn't feel like his. It just felt like a cheap copy, like he was trying to be someone he was not by taking his mentor's name. It felt a lot like stealing something that didn't belong to him.

Still, his eyes finally lifted and he couldn't help but grimace slightly when his eyes met Flarepaw's. Such concern and compassion that he didn't entirely deserve. (Just like this name, he didn't deserve this name.)

It dawned on him after a moment that Feathersong had left the den, and now, it was just them two and he felt like he was suffocating all over again. He was still down deep in the abyssal waves, unable to draw in a single breath for fear his next would be his last. He didn't know if he wanted it to be his last or not.

She was struggling with something to say and so was he and stars he missed the days they could actually talk to one another. But every time he looked at her, he saw their last interaction flash before his eyes and it made him wince. Sootblaze wanted to apologize to her for what he had said, but all of the remorse sat at the tip of his tongue and it could not escape the prison of his clenched teeth.

"I…" Flarepaw started and quickly stopped, ears twitching and falling flat and she let out a heavy sigh as she finally looked away from him. He wondered if their last conversation played in her mind too; if she looked at him and all she saw was the anger in his eyes that reminded her of Wildfire as she so said. Her demeanor sagged with her sigh, before she looked back to him, "Are you okay?"

He wanted to laugh. With disbelief, because could she really still care about him after what he said to her to drive her away? After he compared her to the one she feared of becoming like the most?

He also wanted to laugh because her question was a little ridiculous.

"Are you okay?" she said, and Sootblaze just wanted to say, "Does it look like I'm okay?"

But he didn't. He stayed quiet and could only search her gaze some more. Silver like the moon and he wondered where the storm was at the moment. (Wondered if it was gone forever; just like Adderfang and Mousepaw and Shrewpaw and Bluepaw and Thornblaze and and and-)

"I'll be fine," Sootblaze murmured after a moment, taking in a slow inhale and turning his gaze away from her when he didn't think he could stand it anymore. It was too much, her caring gaze was too much for him to handle at the moment.

There was more she was going to say, he could tell, could feel it in the air around her, in the way her eyes softened as they looked at him. He could see her out of the corner of his eye, about to take a step forward, and he knew he needed to leave.

He wasn't quite ready to talk to her yet.

"Flarepaw," he started, and just that alone made him wonder when was the last time he said her name out loud. With his gaze turned away, he didn't see the way she winced, and it was probably his imagination hearing her let out a little gasp. Just his imagination, surely. "I'm… I need time to think things through."

He steeled himself before turning his gaze to her, watching the softness of her eyes and the gentle droop of her ears. It looked like she was in pain, and he wanted to just take it all back and let her in already but… but…

He couldn't.

"Okay," was all she said, breathed out like it was the greatest promise she ever made, and the smile that twitched at the corners of her lips had no right to be as soft as it was now. (She was still hurt, he could see it in her features, but she was pushing aside her own pain for him… He felt so incredibly selfish.) "Whenever you're ready to talk, I'll be there."

It shouldn't have been that easy. Sootblaze was expecting her to… Honestly, he didn't know anymore. Yell at him? Beg for him to talk to her right now?

No, Flarepaw was not like that. She was taking this better than he ever would.

"Even if it's a long time?" Sootblaze couldn't help but ask, watching as she was the first to walk toward the exit of the den. It almost felt like he was losing her entirely if she walked out now, but he kept himself contained. Panic slithered within his chest like a parasite given life and he just wanted it gone already.

She paused at the lip of the den, ears turned in his direction to indicate that she had heard him, and for a moment, she just stood there. Mulling over his words in contemplative silence and it scared him too when she didn't immediately answer.

He expected her to continue walking out without responding.

He expected her to leave, just like everybody else.

"I'll wait forever if that's what you need."

Flarepaw's words rang in his ears like the sweetest song he ever heard. With that, she did leave, but watching her walk away didn't make his panic flare-up. Sootblaze let out a withering breath, stumbling back a step so he could sit on the ground for a moment and close his eyes.

That devotion, he didn't deserve.

Second chances were not given so freely to someone like him.

But then again… maybe it wasn't his decision for her to forgive him.

It was, and always has been, hers and hers alone.

So, maybe he wouldn't forgive himself for what he had said…

But maybe, just maybe…

She would. (And in the end, isn't that all that mattered?)

Sootblaze's breath misted in the frosty night air.

He knew that just because he became a warrior didn't mean he was allowed at night. But then again, he didn't really care for that particular rule. Sure, he might have earned a few strange looks going into the apprentice's den, considering he didn't live there anymore, but hopefully the ones who had seen him just thought he was still mourning for those he had lost.

They wouldn't be far off from the truth, after all.

Walking at night had always been his escape of sorts, and that still hadn't changed. Cold weather be damned. His paws were quick to go numb to the snowy undergrowth and his fur was permanently bristled out against the occasional cold breeze. But, and this was a big one, it was getting warmer. The snow was becoming thinner, the breezes not trying to chill everyone straight to their bone marrow.

It was tolerable.

Leaf-bare was almost over, and he believes he spoke for everybody when he said he was sick and tired of it and just wanted it to be gone already. The snow had long since lost its natural beauty (he looked at snow now and all he saw were the avalanches that took his friends, the blizzard that stole Darkpaw and deposited him into Forestclan territory). The wintery air had long since forgotten its refreshing taste, replacing it with a bitterness that left him recoiling.

He was over this weather and he was over these times.

Sootblaze didn't want to think about how much he lost in just one season.

He would go insane if he did. (Then again, maybe he was already insane.)

So, here, he sat. The lone lake that made a home near the middle of their territory. The place where he had been when he learned Bluepaw and Shrewpaw were in trouble, the place he had also been when they learned Darkpaw was in trouble. He hated this place.

Then again, he found that he was starting to hate just about every corner of this wretched territory

(He thinks the lands were cursed somehow and maybe that's why Leafstar gave it to them so Forestclan could finally be free of it.)

Golden-yellow eyes looked across the lake, not entirely wanting to look down at his reflection at the moment, and there, out in the center, he could see broken chunks of ice floating on the surface of the water. Yes, Leaf-bare was almost over indeed, the thaw would come and with it, a new chapter in their journey. He let out a weathered sigh, shuffling his paws to keep them from freezing in the snow.

Sootblaze didn't know what the future had in store for them. He didn't know where he was supposed to go from here. What did one do when they finished training and became a warrior?

(For Low Ranks, it just meant cowering down to the others, and for High Ranks, it meant being allowed to bully whoever you wanted.)

Would his life just become a monotonous cycle of patrolling, hunting, and being tortured by the claws of those who stood atop him? That sounded rather boring, but then again, Sootblaze thought he had enough excitement already.

His eyes drifted down and it was a wonder how he didn't flinch. His reflection, though still slightly muddled by the thawing ice and specks of snow, stared back at him with the abyss where eyes should have been. Cracks and splinters fractured across his face and he didn't know if that was because of the natural process of the ice melting or just because he was seeing a clear reflection of his state of being. Broken and damaged and splitting apart, an emptiness inside just waiting to be released to swallow others whole and bring them down with him.

He took in a breath and water and shadows filled his lungs and Sootblaze forced himself to blink. How long had he spent running? Reflecting back on it, he thinks he had been running his whole life, and now he was coming to a stop. Running from everything.

Running from the High Ranks and the clan system.

Running from the expectations placed upon him, running from the guilt of not being strong enough to protect his friends, his mentor.

Running from himself.

(Running from the abyss.)

(It had caught up to him.)

Will you finally stop? His reflection seemed to ask and Sootblaze narrowed his eyes. Will you finally give up? Give in?

He didn't want to. He had told Wildfire he had won already, but somehow, he didn't think that was going to change anything. It made him think that if they gave up long ago, him and Flarepaw, if they had given up from the very beginning, would things still have gone as they did?

Would Wildfire still have proposed the horrid idea of letting two of his clanmates die? Or would he not have cared at all? (Did he only do that to make Sootblaze suffer?)

How strong would Sootblaze have been then? Without Flarepaw's help and guidance training him?

He didn't think it would be much different.

Looking at it, it wasn't Wildfire who made the rogues attack them. And unless Wildfire was blessed with magical powers, he hadn't been the one to trigger the avalanche either that buried Shrewpaw and Bluepaw.

(Darkpaw though… Darkpaw could have been saved. Or would he? Would Flarepaw have kept fighting regardless without him there?)

(Just look at her now… Still fighting.)

Is this what fate destined for me? Sootblaze leaned a little closer to his reflection, his whiskers just barely brushing the surface of the ice, and he stared into the abyss and when he blinked, it blinked back. For all those I care about to die and me being powerless to stop it?

He wonders who he annoyed in his previous life to be reborn into this one. It must have been someone important.

Why else would he be cursed to live this life?

He was tired and he was cold now. The flames of his raging anger had flickered down to a single glowing cinder. Without a source such as Ignis to target, it had burned through all of its fuel. Sure, Wildfire and thinking about the clan system and the unfairness the High Ranks placed upon them was plenty fuel enough, but Sootblaze had long since learned to not be so angry about that. It was just a simple annoyance now.

He had played with the idea of following Ignis and his gang wherever he went, to hunt them down and show them the mercy they had shown Thornblaze and Mousepaw (none, they had shown none and he would do the same). But too many days have passed, and though he hated to admit it, he wasn't the best at tracking.

Sootblaze almost felt like asking Whiteshadow for directions to this City place, cause surely that's where Ignis was going too, but something told him Whiteshadow wouldn't tell him.

That was another thing, Whiteshadow's return. Less than a day upon his reappearance, a few hours at most, and Sootblaze had the pleasure of watching Wildfire be knocked back down to his normal rank of just another Royal. He had argued, because of course, and there were a few High Ranks that sided with him as well (because of course), but in the end- mandated by tradition- a sparring match decided the winner.

And though beaten and exhausted and moving with a bit of a limp- Whiteshadow won, much like he always did.

(He seemed particularly ruthless and Sootblaze wondered what Flarepaw had told him to make him look so angry at her father.)

Rules were rules, and even Wildfire, as reluctant as he may be, was a prisoner to them.

At least one good thing came out of this season.

Sootblaze sighed and sat back up, suddenly not comfortable with the idea of jumping into the abyss of his reflection.

"What do you see?" Flarepaw had asked him what seemed like so long ago.

"My reflection," is what he said then, but now, Sootblaze murmured, "Nobody."

Stars, what has he become?

If he looked hard enough, was it still possible to find the sunny soul he had once been? Or was all that just a filthy, fat lie like the rest of it?

Maybe it was the latter.

It was definitely the latter.

"Lovely night, is it not?"

His ears perked up and Sootblaze whirled around so quickly it made him dizzy. He had been expecting it to be Wildfire because Wildfire was always sneaking up on him and taunting him when he was alone. Anything to beat him down lower and lower into the ground and Sootblaze had to wonder just how far the Royal was trying to bury him.

But… no.

Instead of dark amber eyes that threatened to burn him alive with a fire Sootblaze could never compare to (then again, Flarepaw had said she looked like Wildfire when he was angry, so maybe he could compare to it)... It was almost like looking at his reflection.

Dull, golden-yellow eyes that carried the void blinked back at him and Sootblaze was so surprised for a moment he forgot to be angry. A husk of a cat backdropped by the moonlight, red-brown fur silhouetted by silver and dust. Sootblaze wondered if one of the stray breezes would come by now and sweep him away.

He discovered absentmindedly that Redstar looked different depending on how much light there was. In the sunlight, with the rest of the clan surrounding him, he was a leader. A leader maybe only by name and not by any true power, but a leader nonetheless. He had an air of control around him that was most often replaced by an aura of nothing and he looked so tired just being around everybody else.

In a place of no light, like the Prisoner's den, Redstar was a husk. Nothing more than a vessel, a chasm of desolation where light filtered into and never came back out, destroyed by the darkness there. A black hole that expanded and expanded and expanded without end. Empty.

But here, in the moonlight… In the moonlight, Redstar just looked like someone who was tired. Someone who had been beaten down one too many times and was crawling now because he had been punished for walking. Crawling, but still moving, and there was a wistful atmosphere shrouding around him as he stood there. (He looked better than he normally did.)

It was a startling difference.

Redstar regarded him with the same observations Sootblaze gave to him, critical and wondrous, before his whiskers twitched and the Commoner could have sworn he saw the hint of an amused smile to those lips. "I seem to remember that it is against the rules for Low Ranks to meander at night."

His words jumpstarted Sootblaze's mind, a healthy dose of fuel for his flickering fire and it burned just a little brighter, just a little hotter. His eyes narrowed.

"I seem to remember that I don't care about the rules," his lips curled, revealing a single fang, the fur along his spine bristling. Some part of his mind, weakened and exhausted from fighting the ranks for so long, was whimpering at the idea of fighting Redstar, the Grand Royal. Of all of them, the leader had the ability to hurt him the most.

Maybe he did have the power of a leader…

Redstar blinked at his words, a huff escaping his lips that could have been laughter before he quietly padded over to join Sootblaze by the edge of the lake. The Commoner kept him within his line of sight, turning his body with flattened ears and keeping narrowed eyes on the one who had ordered his friends dead.

His fault, his fault, his fault; poison ran through his veins, animosity clenching at his mind and giving him a headache, grief and sorrow and anger wrapping around his heart like a noose and seconds away from hanging it.

"Do you like to watch the stars as well?" Redstar asked and Sootblaze didn't know why the Grand Royal was trying to talk to him at all. Why the leader didn't forcibly drag him back to camp for his punishment of breaking the rules. It made him wary, this calming presence. "It helps me reflect."

"I don't like reflecting much," Sootblaze found himself saying, the words leaving without his permission, just like some of the stiffness in his stance. He glanced out of the corner of his eyes to the icy lake that sat before them. Cautiously, as if just waiting for the reflection he had seen to rise up like a wraith and take them both to walk an immortal night.

"Ah, yes. It can be difficult at times. To look back at how far you've come and realize just what was left behind," Redstar mused, more to himself than anything, his eyes drifting from the horizon of dead trees and blanketing snow in the distance up toward the cloudless sky, twinkling with the stars he so often liked to witness shining. "It's nigh impossible to see any good that has come from it, our history. The past is riddled with pain and hardships and it makes looking toward the future daunting."

"Pain and hardships," Sootblaze felt his chest warming with the flames, crawling up his throat, his temper flaring for a moment and his fur bristling even more, tail flicking in agitation. "Is that how you're going to refer to them as now? Just another casualty, huh?"

Redstar remained quiet for a moment, counting the stars in silence and his peaceful aura irritated Sootblaze. How is it possible? How can anyone move forward after the horrible things they let happen?

"I don't know what more I can do to make it up to you," the Grand Royal sighed eventually, a heavy cloud forming by his muzzle with his exhale, shoulders dropping for just a moment. His entire body, actually. It sagged with a weight it had staved off for this short amount of time, and Sootblaze didn't know whether to be sorry or not for making him aware of it again. "All I can now is sorry."

"Sorry doesn't bring them back," his eyes began to sting and Sootblaze squeezed them shut, forcing the tears back from whence they came. "Sorry doesn't magically make what you did okay. Not for me."

"I understand," Redstar murmured, turning those dull eyes to him and Sootblaze glared back at them. "But sorry is all I have left to give. So I will say it even when it loses all meaning to you."

And then, almost as if to taunt him, Redstar gave a bow of his head and said, "I'm sorry."

"I don't want it!" The Commoner snapped at him and he had to force himself to step back instead of forward like he wanted to. His ears fell flat as if to block out the words, but it was too late, he already heard them. He wanted to believe they meant nothing to him, but actually, he didn't entirely know.

Sorry felt empty, sure, but it also felt soothing. Like, it wasn't enough to heal the devastating wound on his soul, but it was just enough to calm it a bit. A simple balm to cover the festering devastation rather than the poultice needed to truly heal it.

Healing would not come from Redstar, but at the very least, calm did.

Sootblaze didn't want calm. He still wanted to be angry, he still wanted to blame others, blame himself, wanted to fight and run and attack and ruin as so many have ruined him.

But he was tired. And calm was all he was getting, so he had to accept it one way or another.

Or I could just walk away?

He remained in his spot like he was a sapling that sprouted new roots, Redstar's apology being the nutrients needed for him to begin growing.

When Sootblaze blinked back to attention, it was to a surprisingly soft expression on his face, the corners of his eyes drooping with their usual wistful sadness, but a subtle and fond curl to his lips. It was rather disarming.

"What?" Sootblaze recoiled a little, rearing back to prepare himself for something and nervously unsheathing his claws. "What's with that look? Do I have something on my face?"

Redstar, perhaps not aware of his own facial expressions, jumped with a start, his expression morphing to one of surprise and a bit of shame- as if he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to- before the sadness returned tenfold. He looked away from Sootblaze, a humorless chuckle escaping him, and the Commoner could not see the way his lips curled regretfully.

For a moment, the Grand Royal didn't answer him, and it went on long enough for Sootblaze to believe he wasn't going to get a response at all. He was just about to walk away then because the air between them was growing awkward and tense and he didn't like it one bit.

But then, Redstar seemed to come to some sort of conclusion with himself, before a dull sunset looked back toward Sootblaze.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are so much like your mother?"

This time, the seemingly innocent question was enough to make Sootblaze stagger backward as if he had been hit, his demeanor dropping from tense and ready to attack to shocked and… and hopeful. His ears perked up and his eyes widened a bit, mouth agape for a second before he learned that he was supposed to be breathing.

"I… N-No. Nobody's ever- Why bring this up out of nowhere?" Sootblaze forced the question out before anything else, not entirely wanting to spill just how difficult it had been growing up with nobody telling him even the name of his birth mother. "And how did you know her?"

"I'm the Grand Royal," Redstar murmured, as if on command, his eyes going just a little distant and his voice becoming a bit more monotone. As if he was reciting from a script he had long since written. "I know everybody who has been a part of this clan during my time in this life, dead or alive now. Nothing more."

"Why bring this up?" Sootblaze repeated.

"I like to observe. To watch and listen," Redstar shuffled his paws as if feeling a little awkward and sheepish. "I can't help but make connections between others. All I said is that you look just like your mother, act like her too. That's all. I was making an observation and speaking aloud."

Somehow, Sootblaze didn't believe that that was the whole truth, but he didn't care enough to dig deeper.

He looked over at his reflection again and couldn't help but imagine that it was different. Sootblaze had never known his mother. Had never even been told her name before or how she used to be like, who she had been. What kind of Commoner had she been like?

He had asked everybody he could think of, those that would talk to him at least, multiple times if they could tell him more about her, but… None of them did. And he didn't know whether they didn't because they were scared of something, or because they didn't feel like reliving the loss of someone they had cared about.

They didn't like looking at the past much, but Sootblaze couldn't help but be curious- his adversity to learning history be damned.

The history of the clans he didn't care much for, but his own history? His own family?

That's all he ever wanted to know.

And now, someone else with knowledge was right before him. Another option for him to ask his questions, and for a second, he debated on whether or not he actually wanted to learn. What would be the purpose? His nameless mother was gone and so was his no-name father. Sootblaze didn't have parents, and as far as he was concerned, the older Commoners were his parents. (Thornblaze had been his father, and though Skysong had been his adopted mother at first- and would always be his mother- Feathersong was now becoming his mother too.)

If anything, that's all his real parents would ever be; just a name. Nothing more.

Yet, still…

"If you knew her," Sootblaze murmured, "Can you… Can you tell me about her? About them?"

Still, he was curious, and nobody could fault him for that.

Redstar, predictably, stared at him for a moment. Mulling over his words, contemplative. His head tilted a little to the side in thought, observing Sootblaze as he said he was prone to doing, debating. The longer the silence went on, the more the Commoner's ears began to fall, and the more stupid he felt for asking at all.

"You could just say no," Sootblaze scoffed after a moment, pelt burning with slight embarrassment and lips curling in annoyance.

"Forgive me, I was gathering my thoughts," Redstar sighed, turning his eyes away and back to the horizon. "Remembering her."

"Well?" He said, a little hopeful and a little impatient and a little nervous.

Redstar hesitated for a second longer before he inhaled slowly, closing his eyes. It seemed like it was only done to buy himself some more time.

"Her name was Cinderfrost." As he began speaking, Sootblaze felt like all the air left his body at once. His lungs burned, but he listened closely. "Looked a lot like you physically. Same grey pelt, same black patterns. She had dashes of white across her pelt though, and a white blaze on her chest up to her neck. Icy blue eyes, just like the water of a frozen lake."

Redstar let out another breath, a gentle laugh, his head facing the direction of the lake even as his eyes remained closed. Sootblaze… didn't expect those words to affect him as much as they did. Being given a description of what his mother had looked like, being given a name made it easy to visualize her.

When he turned his head to look at his own reflection now, he put the pieces Redstar had given him in the empty space. An icy blue gaze, a white chest, dashes of gentle snow scattered through the pelt.

Yeah. He can see it now.

He didn't expect it to take his breath away. And Redstar wasn't quite finished.

"You resemble her quite a bit. Not just in looks, but in attitude. She… was rather feisty. Especially when it came to matters between High Ranks and Low Ranks. She was always standing up for the rest of the Commoners, and she was surprisingly adept at getting herself out of trouble more often than not. A smooth talker, she was."

"I'm not very good with words," Sootblaze scoffed and Redstar let out another quiet laugh.

"I beg to differ. You know exactly what to say to rile them up," dull eyes turned to him then, a peaceful expression across his face. "She was just like that too. But because she was rather quick, she made the High Ranks chase her most often than not. Made them tire themselves out and get annoyed with her so she never had to do anything."

Sootblaze, despite everything, found himself beginning to smile. His mother… sounded awesome.

"She was an outlier. Refusing to bend to the will of the High Ranks and fought against them instead. She had many scars too, but she always wore each of them with pride. Cinderfrost was just the right amount of charming and just the right amount of aggravating at her best." Redstar took in a slow inhale, sighing like a weight had been lifted from his chest. A sad smile pulled at his lips. "She was an inspiration to all."

He didn't know it was possible to be proud of someone he had never met. A name, a face, a personality. It was too easy for his imagination to run wild with the information, for him to think about what it would have been like had she been around to raise him. If she had-

Sootblaze frowned.

"What happened to her?" His voice quivered and he cleared his throat immediately after, ears falling a little flat in nervousness. A part of him genuinely wanted to know, while the grander part was scared to find out.

See? His thoughts berated him, This is why you should have never asked in the first place.

The only thing that would come from knowing was pain.

Ignorance was bliss, after all.

Redstar didn't say anything immediately, a grimace appearing on his face before he could turn himself away. The tip of his tail, which had been twitching sporadically every now and then, came to a stillness. His entire body did, actually, and it almost looked like the Grand Royal wasn't breathing at all. A tenseness appeared in his jaw and his ears fell flat, and for a moment, just a moment, he looked angry.

"Your birth was a difficult one," his leader murmured in a low, sad tone. "You were a little early and we weren't exactly prepared for it. Leaf-bare is cruel, as you know. That one had been no different. Cinderfrost… lost a lot of blood. There was nothing Roseberry could do to stop it. And you see, Cinderfrost never liked anything that was out of her control. If there was a way for her to decide how she died, then she'd choose it. So, she did."

"What did she…?"

"...Your father," Redstar spoke so quietly Sootblaze had to lean a little closer to actually hear him. "As her last request to him, she asked him to kill her. At least that way, she wouldn't suffer, and the last thing she'd get to see was him…"

"And you… You let it happen?" Sootblaze reared back again, nose wrinkling and completely baffled. "You let him kill her?"

"It was her decision. I had no say in it."

"You're the Grand Royal, what do you have a say in then?" The Commoner snapped at that point, a sting of tears in his eyes that he forcibly shoved away, out of sight and out of mind. "I'm starting to think you're as powerless as I am."

Redstar turned his gaze to him then, a dead sunset meeting the one still flaring stubbornly. Refusing to die. Refusing to rest. Sootblaze met his stare head-on, standing when the leader kept sitting. It made him feel a little more self-assured.

"Maybe so," Redstar finally murmured, and the admittance was enough to startle Sootblaze of all his anger. "I've forgotten what was the point of all of this."

"And what of my father?" Sootblaze pressed, not entirely wanting to help Redstar with his identity crisis. He needed to know more, he wanted to learn more about his past. And after so long of being given nothing, finally getting some answers made him all the more ravenous for more. "Did you kill him too?"

All at once, whatever sadness and aimlessness that had appeared in Redstar's soul up to that point focused on one terrifying emotion of pure, raw fury. A scowl pulled at his lips, fangs bearing for a moment, the fur along his spine bristling.

"Your father is a coward who ran away just because it was too much," the leader turned his head downward, to his reflection, and Sootblaze had to wonder if he was imaging the Commoner's dad in his place. "I'd say he's still running to this day, making the same mistakes over and over again. He's best left forgotten. Nobody important."

And though he just found out that, apparently, his own father had been forced to kill his mother, Sootblaze… felt angry. Not at his nameless dad, but at the fact that Redstar was insulting him. (It felt a little ridiculous, looking at it. Being so defensive of someone who left him, someone who killed his mother, someone he had never met before and would most likely never meet in his life.)

Still, he couldn't quite help himself, and the ugly beast sitting within his chest let out a roar at the same time he snarled.

"Don't talk about him like that!"

His fury shook the world, the wind howling along with him and running across both of their pelts. Redstar's scent of ginger and peaches and icy winds bombarded him but Sootblaze held his ground, a growl rumbling in his chest and anger making him warm to the cold breeze. (A part of him, compliant and tired, warned him not to raise his voice against the Grand Royal, but he voluntarily shut that part up.)

Redstar looked incredibly surprised by his outburst, the Commoner even managing to draw a flinch out of him and there was a flicker of satisfaction that wormed its way into his chest watching that. His eyes went wide, ears perking, mouth parting with the quiet gasp that escaped him.

For a moment, they just stared at each other, like so many times before it seems. Sootblaze with a glare and Redstar with an astonished stare. For a moment, they weren't two beings that held the abyss instead of light. They weren't a leader and a Commoner. A High Rank and a Low Rank.

They were just… Sootblaze and Redstar. (He didn't entirely know what that entailed, but he thought it meant something. It felt like it meant something.)

"You…" Redstar was at a loss for words and Sootblaze couldn't exactly remember the last time that happened in any circumstance. "You would defend him? Even after knowing what he's done?"

"I- He…" Sootblaze now felt a little embarrassed for a moment before he grumbled, eyes drifting down to his paws before going back up again. "He's still my dad. I… I would need to hear his side of the story before I decide to hate him."

"Would you forgive him?"

(If Sootblaze didn't know any better, Redstar almost sounded… hopeful? That wasn't right. He was probably just hearing things.)

"Maybe," he found himself admitting, shrugging a little sheepishly. "I'm not sure yet, not until I hear his part. And who knows? Maybe I'll never get to hear it because according to you he's run away somewhere far and he might not come back ever again. But if that's the case… Then I'll regard him as neutral. I won't hate him, but I won't love him either. And I'm not gonna just stand by and let you insult him either."

"And what if he's not deserving of your forgiveness." Redstar questioned, tilting his head a bit before adding, "Not deserving of you."

Sootblaze wanted to laugh for a second. This felt oddly familiar. Here he was, in his current life, on the opposite end of the spectrum; wondering if he's not deserving of forgiveness himself, not deserving of Flarepaw.

But just like he had to learn… It wasn't his decision to make whether or not Flarepaw forgave him.

It was hers.

And this decision now? This one was his.

"Respectfully, Grand Royal," he couldn't help but sneer a little, "I think that's up for me to decide. Not you, not him, and not anybody else. Just me."

And saying those words… It felt like something that had been long since trapped within him finally found its way to freedom. An aggravating thorn on his very heart had loosened and wedged itself out and now he could breathe a little more, every beat felt a little less like torture.

Cinderfrost, his mother who he could picture so clearly now.

A nameless father- something told him Redstar wouldn't give him the name yet- who had left because he couldn't fathom the thought of living in the same place he had killed the love of his life.

(Hmm… That sounded similar to Adderfang's situation. Leaving because everywhere he looked, he would see the one who had left with his heart and was never going to come back.)

(And if Sootblaze could forgive his friend… Then maybe he could forgive his father too.)

"Thanks for telling me," Sootblaze let out a sigh, exhaustion of the day's events suddenly hitting him and all he wanted to do was sleep. Which was strange. He never wanted sleep these days because it was always plagued by nightmares. But who knows? Maybe he'd dream about his mother just this once. "I'll be going back to camp."

It felt nice having the final word in this all. It felt a lot like winning, and maybe that was just him being petty, but Sootblaze really needed a win at this point.

So, without waiting for a response, he turned and began heading out of the lake clearing, back to the dead trees hiding dark monsters and rogues just waiting to kill him and everybody else he cared about.

He wasn't so scared anymore.

"Do be careful out here alone, Grand Royal," he called over his shoulder, a hint of a taunt somewhere in his voice. "This forest is so dangerous after all. Rogues like to hide beneath the snow."

And with that, he left the clearing and Redstar behind.

(He didn't know it was possible- to reminisce on the past and become hopeful for the future.)

History was a strange thing.

"Would you forgive him?"

"Maybe."

It wasn't a no. And the fact that it wasn't a no made something within Redstar flicker to life just the tiniest bit. A little speck of light in the vast emptiness of darkness, but a little bit of something was better than nothing.

He had forgotten what that felt like.

"Maybe… Then, I'll regard him as neutral. I won't hate him, but I won't love him."

Neutral. He could work with neutral. It was not hate and it was not love, but Redstar didn't think he was deserving of the love side of it and he could not even begin to fathom what it would be like to be hated for this.

A sigh escaped his lips when he was finally alone, the tail end of a laugh clutching to the back of it.

"He's so much like you, my light," Redstar murmured to the open air, closing his eyes for a moment and imaging that she was right there with him. Peppermint clung to the roof of his mouth, jasmine shrouding around him for a moment and it almost felt like he was within her embrace again. He opened his eyes, hoping to see her, but just as usual, she wasn't there.

A twitch of his lips, "It scares me."

It scared him because Sootblaze was just like her. Just like Cinderfrost- the one who had snatched his heart like the little coy thief she was and went and died on him. With the way things were going, with the way the Commoner acted now, completely reckless and standing up again and again after being knocked down no matter how wounded he was, Redstar feared he'd end up just like her.

He didn't want to think about the possibility of having to kill Sootblaze as well.

Killing one cat he loved was enough to span multiple lifetimes.

Redstar turned his eyes down to his reflection, letting out a rolling sigh and shaking his head to himself. You're getting too comfortable. Recent events had made the choking thread around his heart tug him, begging him to go and comfort Sootblaze for all the pain he had caused. It was the most he had talked to him his entire life.

"There you go again," Roseberry gave a small scoff. "Giving him favor." Her frown deepened and there was only concern and warning in her gaze.

"That's dangerous, Redstar."

It was indeed. He could already imagine how suspicious everybody was when he had announced Sootblaze freed from the Prisoner's Den. Suspicious and surprised and the Grand Royal doubted that his clan would completely let that go.

Wildfire, for certain, wouldn't let it go.

(And just to add salt to the wound, Whiteshadow returned. And back down to a simple Royal Redstar ordered the tom who hated him so.)

Leave him be, Redstar wanted to confront Wildfire but found that, as he said, he was much too cowardly to do so.

Your vendetta is with me.

Not with my son.

He wondered if Wildfire was harming Sootblaze like this just to get to him. Torturing him by torturing the only one he cared about now. All because Redstar had been chosen to become the Grand Royal instead of him- after Willowflame had refused of course.

He didn't know Wildfire could be such a sore loser.

But then again… Redstar thinks he would be much of the same.

To be chosen not first, not second, but last.

No. To not even be chosen at all. To be the scourge of a grand legacy. The outlier. The black sheep.

Wildfire wanted nothing more to prove himself, and Redstar had taken that away from him.

And now he's taking it out on Sootblaze.

"I don't know how to protect him," Redstar spoke aloud- as if discussing his secrets with the stars, his ancestors. With the ghosting touches and scents from a love and a light he would never have again. (Cinderfrost had died, and with it, so did Redstar's light.) "I don't know what to do."

It's not like telling Sootblaze the truth would make it better. What good would come from him having that information?

Sootblaze already hated him enough.

Perhaps Redstar was just a coward. (He already knew that- he didn't know why that was surprising.)

It was better if things just continued as they were now. Redstar- watching from afar, unable to truly help or interfere, too afraid to confront Wildfire. The Royal held much more power in his paws that the Grand Royal only wished he had.

It's as he said…

He was best left forgotten.

A/N: Hmm. I feel like this chapter was a bit iffy, but I kinda liked it. The pain train continues y'all, but what's this? Hope at the end of the tunnel? Perhaps. Possibly. Let's hope things go up from here. (I also don't know if you can guess what the next chapter's gonna be. If you can't, I'll say that it's a thank you for 1k, as well as a special someone's- possible- backstory.)

Once again, thank you everybody for 1k. I love you all!

Question of the Day

What are some things you do to celebrate a grand accomplishment or personal goal?

(For me, I think imma just buy a bunch of junk food and watch some movies.)

Thanks for 1k y'all!

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Thank you and peace out!

~Wolfcreations21