A/N: Hallo, everybody! I'm sure you've noticed the name of the chapter, so alas, drum roll please. *Bangs desk and hurts my hands* Time for a backstory chapter! This is also a sort-of thank you gift for 1k, because I know so many of you have been asking for our jaded Grand Royal's backstory for a while now. I will say though, I do not have a lot of notes for this chapter, just a general idea, so I'm looking forward to fleshing out those notes now. (I guess you can say I'm winging it, it's been a while since I've done that for a complete chapter for this story. Hope it doesn't come back to bite me in the throat.)(Update; I have finished the notes and I have made a monster… uhh, hope you guys like long chapters?)

In other news, don't know if you guys care about my personal life, BUT- my little cousins from Texas that have been here for almost three months have finally gone home. Now, don't get me wrong, I love both of them to death… but I haven't had my room to myself for almost three months and I was going a tad crazy.

I've also recently discovered more about myself (hooray for questioning y'all, it's totally fun *sarcasm fully intended*). But, I was questioning my gender for a while now, and I was also going a tad crazy there- but I finally found a term that I think fits that I never even heard of myself: demigirl. Basically, a person who experiences/has a partial connection to said gender (in my case, female), but not a complete connection. (To quote myself when explaining to my cousin: "I feel… kinda like a girl, but also… kinda not.") So, uh, yeah. I just recently bought a binder and I am happy with the results (kinda sore, but I'm figuring it out) and I love learning more about it so… yeah. I don't take offense to being called a girl, and she/her is okay I guess, but they/them would be really dope (or even cooler, mix it up with a little she/they). Anyway, that's enough about me lol. (Now comes the fun part of having to tell my family… swell.)

Disclaimer: As with all backstory chapters, the events in this do not follow the main storyline, seeing as though they take place in the past. See it as a spin-off chapter if you'd like. Some backstories will also feature heavier topics, so you have been warned. (Prepare yourselves and strap in.)

Now, it's time for the moment many of you have been waiting for: to finally find out more about our sad boi Redstar.

Thanks to BewareTheShadows for following and adding this story as a favorite!

Reviews

Hissing Mist- Shneaky shneaky lol. You guys are just connecting all the dots, aren't ya?

Pineshadow (Guest)- Just knocking all of the theories out of the park haha. Oh trust me, I'm still a little weirded out having to write Sootblaze instead of Sootpaw now. Here's hoping at least somebody gets a happy ever after in this story. I love peaceful is in quotation marks XD I've just made everybody paranoid. We'll get to that, we'll get to that. Unfortunately, there's only so much I can put in each chapter without bombarding you all with so much information (I think three perspectives per chapter is a bit much, so I limit it to just two). Flarekitty will get her name soon as well, her assessment- though it hasn't been stated- is within the next month or so. So, very soon. Hmm, will you like to guess possibilities of who she'd be named after? I agree, Flarefire is… stupid XD. I was trying to find a nicer word for it. You are correct again! Time for Redboi's backstory.

Someone (Guest)- Thank you guys for helping me reach it! It still feels a little surreal (especially cause this is also the unofficial chapter 100). I'm actually curious now to go back and count to see who was the 1000th review haha. My word count is ridiculous, I have no apologies. I… will certainly try to keep writing for 1 mil words haha. Is it not just an "m"? Idk, I don't think I've stumbled across a fanfiction that has over a million words. It'll definitely be long, but I don't know if it'll be a million words worth kind of long. (Although, I'm not too far? I can't math.) Good eye on that, good eye. Oh, we'll definitely see a lot more of Cinderfrost here :) I hope you guys like her. That answer as to why he thinks it's his fault may surprise you too. He didn't automatically know that his parents were Commoners or from Blazeclan, he just assumed is all. You don't immediately think that your parents are rogues XD At least, Sootblaze doesn't. I… didn't notice I did that for the scents of the she-cats lol. Now that you've pointed it out, I'm determined for the next she-cat to have something completely different. Oof, I hate when I post before I finish. Hmm… for the first question, if I look at each clan specifically to pick and choose it would be as follows: for Forestclan, literally nobody. Cherrypaw may have a chance, considering she's a good tactician as well, but not to Leafy's levels. Leaf can pretty much beat everybody else though (granted, she had the time to plan how to beat them, though remember she doesn't need very long). For Stormclan, hmm… Streamrunner stands the best chance against Cloudstar, but as do Windy and Brother Blue. I would lean more towards Bluepaw and Streamrunner though, since Windy is prone to be very impatient in battle and can't keep a sure level-head (something for her to work on). As for Blazeclan, Wildfire is an obvious choice, especially if we think about the mind games and stuff, as is Whiteshadow. Flarekitty and Gingerpaw are also viable candidates, though of all of them, Whiteshadow would have the best chance of winning, with Flarekitty second and Gingerpaw third. For your second question: the best fighter in the City… It's between Phantom (obviously), Ignis (obviously), and Tenebris. It is currently day as I write this haha.

jassheikhsfa- Elders don't typically exist in this world because- as seen in the case of Addermask in Forestclan- even if you have reached "elder age" the cat can choose to keep fighting regardless. Unless an injury seriously depletes their ability to fight, like Thornpaw with his blindness and Berrypaw with the fox wound/rib injuries, they don't become a cripple just because of age. So, yes, there are those of Elder age, but they continue to fight as a warrior until they fall in battle or simply pass away of old age. (There hasn't been an "elder" Elder for generations because of this.) Thank you for reading and enjoying it! Is it? Wow… I don't know how to feel about that information lol. I do speak English, it is my primary language. Thanks for joining us on this adventure and encouraging me to continue! You guys are just as much contributing to the creation of this story as I am because you give me the inspiration to keep going.

Aemilius the second- I have nothing but the best timing ever. Ah right, we have reached the unofficial chapter 100. That's… insane. This story is too long XD But is that a bad thing? I've personally been having a blast. Thanks for reading!

Guest- Sneaking suspicions all around. Maybe we'll find out more in this chapter :).

FrostedShadowx- Nope! I have never read any of the official books for the Warriors series. I think I only ever picked up the first one but never really got into it? I just read a lot of fanfiction for some reason because I personally liked it better (no offense to the authors of course). Reading fanfiction and then writing fanfiction- and researching because of it- helped me gain knowledge of this world lol. But the way I see it, the fact they are cats is secondary. First and foremost, they are what I have made them to be. They could have been humans and the story would still (mostly) work out the same way. Whiteshadow is a boss lol. I was internally screaming that and I was so tempted to just spill it, but I'm like, Redstar's not ready yet. He doesn't want to. I hope you enjoy it! Sootblaze mostly sees it as Redstar knowing about his clan members more than anything. We'll see how that theory plays out. Hope you enjoy!

Guest- Don't know if you were the same one. But! Everybody needs a hug in this story. Oh right… Welp, everybody's gonna have to wait for their hugs XD.

PheonixRune- Nothing wrong with setting bigger goals, but it's always good to look back on what you have achieved and pat yourself on the back for it. Thank you guys for helping me reach it! Well, the chapter's name is Redstar's Backstory, but the next chapter after this will be one of those XD. Yes, please slap Wildfire. He needs one badly haha. Let me get them in a line real quick.

Echofire (Guest)- Possibly. (Yep). We'll see more in this chapter. I hope you look forward to it. Gracias!

reading at 3am is normal- Meh, I've learned to live with it, but thank you :). I make no jokes here (I do, but not about that haha). He needs a win. We all need a win. Well, for Sootblaze… he always had some inkling of hope that they were out there, but he never let that hope grow any bigger than a little speck. There is indeed a rule about Commoners and High Ranks mingling. (And there is especially a rule against a Grand Royal having a kit). That sounds nice, although I don't remember the last time I had a warm bath. Or a bath in general. That does sound cool, I wish I can do that. Just relax instead of flicking around from one thing to another. One day.

Songmistle (Guest)- I am technically neither! :) Funny you ask that when I've recently discovered I am a demigirl. Thanks for reading! I plan to do my damndest to finish this story, because we have come too far (100 fricking chapters and 875,168 words and counting later) for me to just discontinue it. I do have an ending in mind, and we are steadily making our way toward it. I hate it when people never finish their story, so I will not become one of them (I'll try to at least, if other things come up cause, you know, life, I won't have a choice.) Ooh, kitties. Great names for them.

DarkMatter242- Thank you! Happy-ish ending, hmm? I don't know the meaning lol (jk jk, but we'll see). Here's to another 1k. Finally, he finds out something. Only took me… a while XD. Group hug, everybody, group hug. Maybe one day we'll find out if Sootblaze ever finds out the truth. It's Redboi's, here ya go. Nice food is always good to have.

Guest- Again, don't know if you are the same ones as the others, but- Damn! One week? Thank you for reading! I present to thee a monstrosity of a chapter, enjoy.

Thanks to everybody who reviewed, followed, and added this story as a favorite!

Let's get started!

"When no one sees any worth in you…

You don't see it either."

He was aware of the whispers. Of the looks.

At first, he thought them normal- all of the other kits were also looked at and talked about all the time. So, why was this different? Why did it feel so different?

Because Redkit knew for a fact- he was always watching the clan just as much as they were watching him- that not any of the other kits were looked at with such… not disdain, exactly. More like… detachment. Like they didn't see him, just the essence of what he was, and just as quickly passed him by to look at someone more valuable.

It took him a moon to finally understand it.

Born to a Royal mother, he was aware of the rules and the ranks and everything that came with it. (Whether he agreed with them or not wasn't important.) Honeysky was always telling him of them, in that lulling voice of hers that always made every muscle in his body just want to relax and curl up into a ball by her belly.

She received looks too. The words said about her were a little harsher than the ones said about him, and even though he was young and hardly knew what it meant to be ignored by the clan, he was aware that the other Royals didn't particularly speak to her as often. A few still did, like Junipercloud- though Redkit suspected that was more Lead Royal duties than actually wanting to spend time with his mother.

And though his mother had tried keeping it from him, Redkit was quick to put the pieces together.

It was easy, after all. All he needed to do was look at his father; Flintstrike.

A Noble of Blazeclan.

Now, Redkit may not understand half of the rules that were shared with him, but he did know the meanings of do and do not. What was allowed and what wasn't.

Inter-rank relationships, while not strictly forbidden by the laws of the clans, were definitely seen as do not. A Royal and a Noble- a Royal and anyone else besides another Royal in general- were not allowed.

But Honeysky and Flintstrike had fallen in love regardless, and what was worse, they had him. A kit to carry on their unwanted legacy. (Redkit didn't understand what was so bad about. It's not like it was a Royal and a Commoner together. His dad was just one rank lower, and a High Rank still at that.)

Needless to say, his parents had needed to get used to the scornful, disapproving looks. And they did. Perhaps their overwhelming love for each other blinded them to all those glances, made them deaf to all the curses and scowls and grumbles.

Redkit had to learn to quickly get used to them too. It wasn't too hard.

If he looked past the ranks of his parents, which wasn't so hard to do so he didn't understand why nobody else could, he loved them regardless and wouldn't trade either of them for the world. Honeysky doted on him with grace and gentleness and Flintstrike would spend every minute he had free to play or talk or simply hang out with his son. At night, the Noble would sneak into the Nursery so the little family could all sleep together.

They were wonderful. (Looking at others, he felt sorry that Swiftkit and Wildkit were stuck with someone like Wolfstorm. That Russetkit and Foxkit's mothers received just as many looks, if not worse, than his did.)

They loved and cared for him with every fiber of their being.

...So, he felt incredibly selfish that it felt like it wasn't enough.

Don't get him wrong, he wouldn't trade them for the world, but…

They didn't believe in him.

Not in the way the other parents did with their kits- as twisted as Wolfstorm's belief was in his sons- and Redkit was just waiting for the moment where they would talk to him about the race for Grand Royal that he would be a part of in a few moons. Waiting for the pep talk that they would give him, encouraging him to do his best and aim for the stars (aim to become a star).

But the days dragged on, night came and went, and Redkit had yet to hear that talk and he felt so horrible because why wasn't their love enough?

"We love you," his mother would say, and her soft voice would become something bitter to his ears, "You'll be a wonderful warrior for the clan."

Warrior. Not Grand Royal. Not even lead Royal.

Just a warrior.

How was Redkit supposed to aim for greatness when his parents never even presented it like it was an option for him?

"Have you eaten yet?" Kit-blue eyes blinked against the sudden darkness that overtook his form where he sat outside of the Nursery, focusing in on the always smiling face of Flintstrike. Yellow eyes that sparkled with happiness, contentment, as if embodying the rays of the sunlight directly. His Noble father was content with a mediocre life, a life of no excitement. Redkit wondered if he was supposed to be just like his father.

"I haven't…" Redkit murmured, soft-spoken and shy as ever, turning his gaze away from his father's tranquil eyes and wondering if he actually deserved the food Flintstrike would inevitably bring him. An inter-rank kit, the son of a Noble father and Royal mother, destined only to be a simple warrior.

How boring

Perhaps his parents were satisfied with a quiet life, but Redkit was not.

Was it so much to ask for their support?

Selfish, his thoughts always scolded him and made him feel even worse. His parents were good, the best he could ever ask for, so why weren't they enough?

(All I want is for them to believe I can be something grand.)

"You irrelevant speck of dust!" Redkit flinched, wondering if that voice was shouting at him for a second before he turned in the direction of such volume. His father, immediately, stepped closer to him, protective and wary as ever. "When I catch you, you'll be sorry!"

It took a second longer, but he saw it.

One of the Noble apprentices at the time, Antpaw, was currently chasing after a smaller figure who bolted from the den that he belonged to. Kit-blue eyes zeroed in on the smaller form, and it was easy to see once it came much closer to him and his father, running by them.

For half a second, their eyes met. Kit-blue with kit-blue.

A grey-face striped with black tabby markings, streaks of white accentuating her features here and there, and the way the she-kit was partially turning her head in his direction to look at him, he could see a white blaze like a fire made of frost splashed across her chest and crawling up her neck. A satisfied, downright wicked grin was present on her face, and time sped up again as she raced by and continued going.

Cinderkit. Of course. He was hardly surprised, as was everybody else. She had a penchant for aggravating the apprentices at every available opportunity- and if no such opportunity came up, then she would make one pop up like a vole from the ground.

Antpaw chased after her, though perhaps through all of her experience running away from the apprentices, the few High-Ranking ones to be specific, it was impossible to catch her. Even though there was clearly nowhere to hide in such an open camp. Cinderkit found a way.

"She'll bite off more than she could chew one day," Flintstrike let out a weathered sigh, and as Redkit looked up at him, he could see a weary grimace to his features. He had to wonder if such excitement made his father nervous. "Messing with the High Ranks like that."

The way she did it, she made it look fun. Tempting, almost.

Not that Redkit would ever be brave enough to taunt a High Rank- despite being one himself. (He was only Royal by name and not completely by blood. If Honeysky had been the Noble, then Redkit would be right there with her as well.)

Now that was what excitement looked like.

Doing dangerous and daring things that nobody would expect you to do just because you feel like doing it. And perhaps there was a reason for all of this, but Cinderkit had yet to share with anybody why.

Not that Redkit would ever have a one-on-one conversation with her. He technically wasn't allowed.

His status was already stained enough because of his parents, he didn't need to go right along with them and make it worse by associating himself with a Commoner of all things. But, still…

The thought was there. Maybe it would never blossom to actual action, but it was an idea lingering in the back of his mind.

He felt like asking her for tips on making life more exciting.

Wanted to ask her if she was as uninterested and dissatisfied with a simple life like he was quickly growing to be.

He wondered if she did the things she did to make herself be seen. If she did these things all for the clan to focus on her and give her attention.

Redkit felt guilty for wanting to be like that.

Such a selfish little tom you are…

Stars, he just wanted to be more. Better. To shoot for the stars and go even higher than them.

And he wanted his parents to give him that encouragement instead of telling him to settle for less than he knew he could become.

Was that so much to ask?

"After all, what are you worth…

If not the value with which others hold you to?"

"You'll be the first one I'll take out of the running with one paw behind my back and both eyes blind!"

Despite the apparent harshness of the words, the taunt was obvious in Swiftkit's voice, and Tigerkit let out a boisterous laugh deep within his belly (despite being the target of said words). The other gathered kits laughed as well, bumping and pushing each other excitedly and Redkit, though he sat on the semi-outskirts of the group, couldn't help but laugh as well. Quietly, of course.

There they were, all of the Royal kits that had been notified they would be a part of the race for Grand Royal that would start within the week or two. Perhaps it was tradition, but all at once, the mothers had left the Nursery for their kits to enjoy alone, going on a hunting trip. Energy and excitement buzzed within the clan over the past few days, every ticking second getting them closer and closer to the beginning of the seasons-spanning tournament.

When Lionstar had come up to him and Honeysky, saying the words that would open the path before him that he had always wanted, Redkit thought he was hallucinating. But, he wasn't. An opportunity was open for him, and though many others would walk that path with him, trying to knock him off of it, he was excited. More excited than he ever felt in his entire life.

...Excitement that was immediately snuffed out when Honeysky told him, after loosely congratulating him of course, "Don't worry if you get eliminated. All that matters is that you tried your best."

And though she probably didn't intend for it to sound that way, Redkit couldn't help but feel as though his parents didn't believe in him. That they expected him to fail and be eliminated right from the very beginning. And that… that stung more than anything.

So, Redkit gritted his teeth, forcing a smile to his lips and accepting his mother's words, curling up with his back turned to her and trying his best not to cry or scream or both.

I just want to be more- I know I can be more, so why don't you think the same way!?

All of the others were being encouraged by their parents- in their own unique ways of course- and Redkit seemed to be the only outlier. Which, in hindsight, made a bit of sense. He was seen as an outlier because he was an outlier.

An inter-rank kit.

"Tch, we all know who's going to get knocked out first anyway," Russetkit scoffed where he sat beside his brother. Foxkit was busy licking at his paws, half hearing everything and half dozing off anyway. The copper eyes of the russet brown tom gleamed with the hint of malice and Redkit, for a second, thought those eyes would turn to him in the form of a silent answer. But, they didn't, and Russetkit grinned, "Why the Grand Royal decided to give a Noble like Cloudkit a chance, I wish I understood."

"Oh, come on, don't be like that," Tigerkit grouched, a slight pout to his lips that looked so out of place as he sat up straight, chest puffed out. "He looks tough. I hope he puts up a challenge."

"You just want to fight with everybody," Wasppaw teased his ginger-brown brother, eyes of amber-yellow glinting with amusement that only grew when Tigerkit puffed out his chest even more.

"Damn straight! You all better not hold back either, I want to beat every single one of you in battle at least once. That's my life's mission from now on."

"Ambitious, I like it." Redkit turned his eyes to where Willowkit was seated, looking so lonely without her sister there with her. Since Rosekit had decided to not participate in the running, deciding instead to choose the path of a Medicine Cat- to everyone's surprise- she was currently being 'evaluated' by Oatwhisker to see if she would be a suitable apprentice.

And since the current kits in the Nursery would become Grand Royal apprentices, it was safe to say Rosekit wouldn't come inside until it was time for sleep. Though they hadn't banned her entirely, it was safe to say that the docile she-kit wasn't exactly welcomed here either at the moment. (Well, wasn't welcomed by the other kits, of course, Willowkit would always want her sister around.)

He didn't know he was staring at her until those eyes turned to him, grey-green eyes gleaming with unbridled excitement and friendly taunting just as much as the rest of them. Redkit could just barely see the hint of a smirk to her lips before she looked back over the rest of them, confident as ever she was.

"But you know, it's unfair to yourself to set unrealistic goals that you'll never achieve. I'm only looking out for your well-being Tigerkit."

A series of "oohs" sounded from the others and Redkit allowed a minuscule smile to appear on his lips, watching as the smaller but more daring Willowkit turned directly to face the larger Tigerkit. Unafraid of his bulk and his brawn. The tom blinked, astounded at her words before his head tipped back in laughter.

"What makes you say it's unrealistic?" The tom said through his giggles, spurned on by the apparent challenge, verbal or not. Redkit had always been nervous of the other tom who was apparently a chaser of adrenaline. He was always looking for a fight, a physical or mental challenge, something for him to do to keep himself occupied. It resulted in more than a few wrestling matches and meaningless dares in general that Redkit had tried his darndest to stay out of.

Willowkit tipped her head, almost innocently from an outsider's view. "Well, the chances of beating everyone vary depending on who you pick. For example, if you were up against me, well, your chances- oh, you know… Zero."

"Says the one who's fighting style was created by cowards too afraid to feel pain," Swiftkit spoke up this time, and Redkit could feel the taunting and companionship energy in the room flip on its head instantaneously. His words were harsher than his earlier, friendly teases, and Willowkit reacted immediately.

Not violently, mind you, and Redkit wondered how she could face someone who had spat on her family's legacy time and time again with such level-headedness.

"I'd love to hear you that again when I shove your face in the dirt and absolutely embarrass you in front of your father and the rest of the Royals on our very first sparring match," Willowkit was all sharp edges suddenly, grin turning tighter at the corners and the teasing gleam in her eyes shifting to held-in impatience and anger, both of which crackled like lightning that longed to turn Swiftpaw to a crisp.

"Only it'll be your face in the dirt, and I'll be the one standing over top of you."

"Hmm…" Willowkit hummed, vibrations rumbling through her chest and to Redkit, sitting so close to her, it almost sounded like a growl instead and it set his nerves on edge. "You wouldn't be able to catch me. I'm just a little too fast for you, I would know. I beat Redkit all the time in our races and he's the fastest out of all of us right now."

Uh oh. Perhaps she didn't intend to divert the attention away from herself, or maybe she just wanted to include him because he had been quiet throughout the entire time they were all here, but all eyes turned to him and Redkit had to do his best not to flinch. (He actually succeeded, surprisingly enough, and he felt like cheering himself on for that.)

Being beneath the scrutinizing green eyes of Swiftkit was never an experience he enjoyed. The little tom always held himself as though he was the most important cat to grace the clans, and it certainly didn't help that Wolfstorm treated him as such. Pouring all of his attention into this son while the other was left behind to play catch up.

A scowl pulled at those lips and Redkit prepared for the worst.

"As if the son of a Noble is capable of beating me at anything."

Redkit clenched his teeth, indignation rising within him along with the passiveness said father instilled into him. Flintstrike ignored all the harsh words, the taunts, the curses- and he had told his son to do much of the same.

The opinions of others were unimportant to him, apparently, and though Redkit had tried to listen, he could not deny the initial desire to defend. To fight back and protect his family's honor (no matter how sullied that honor was).

He felt his mouth opening without his permission, countless curses and names and bitter words sitting on his tongue, but Redkit swallowed them back down and turned his eyes away from the condescending green that looked like pure acid. If he didn't back down, he would start something he had no hope of finishing, and then Flintstrike would be disappointed in him for not listening to his teachings of peace.

But why shouldn't I fight back?

They do it all the time!

Isn't it a Royal thing to do?

"I think you were wrong, Russetkit," he heard more than saw Swiftkit taking a step out of his nest and in his direction, standing up now while the rest of them remained sitting. (Wildkit let out a quiet grunt as his brother stepped on his tail, but he didn't say anything.) "I have an idea of who is going to get knocked out first."

And though Redkit didn't need to lift his eyes to know Swiftkit was looking right at him, he did it anyway because apparently, he liked to torture himself. Golden-yellow met green head-on, the light grey tom standing just outside of his nest.

His words shouldn't have been effective as they were.

They were just meaningless taunts. Just meaningless taunts.

"Don't worry if you get eliminated," his mother said to him. "All that matters is that you tried your best."

Did she think he would get knocked out of the running first as well?

No.

I refuse.

Redkit could achieve greatness. He was going to.

He would become something that the clan could be proud of. Something they would see first when they looked at him.

Something that would outshine the disgrace and the burdens his parents put upon him by default.

He would become someone worthy.

"Are you talking about yourself?"

Redkit's voice was quiet, meek, but he had never felt prouder of himself than at this moment. (Flintstrike would be disappointed in him, but right now, he felt good.) He was not comfortable with talking back to whoever was taunting him, but apparently, the effort was more than enough.

The others thought him joking, or at the very least, bringing the companionship back into the room with his tease. Tigerkit began laughing again and he could hear a few other snickers echo around the den. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Willowkit sending him an encouraging smile and that seemed to be enough for him to lift his head higher.

Being the center of attention gave him a confidence boost unlike any other.

A grin pulled at his lips and he didn't exactly know where it came from. (Later, much much later, he would find that he had been copying the grin that he had seen on Cinderkit's face that one time.)

"If you want me to beat you in something, let's step outside and have ourselves a little race," golden-yellow eyes darted to Willowkit, who was nodding him along, and he forced a casual shrug to his shoulders. "As she said, I am the fastest out of all of us right now. Minus her, of course. Sometimes."

"Sometimes?" Willowkit jumped in then and he felt it much easier to breathe with her backing him up like this. His eyes turned toward her to catch the smirk on her lips. "Try, all the time."

Swiftkit, apparently over his surprise at Redkit talking back for once, interjected with a slight growl, ignoring the she-kit altogether.

"All the faster to run away when the going gets tough."

Golden-yellow shifted back immediately, the fur along his spine threatening to rise but Redkit somehow managed to keep it down. How he wasn't externally freaking out, he had no idea, but it was such a high. Is this how the others felt all the time? (How Cinderkit felt when she taunted the High Ranks?)

Internally, though?

Yeah, he was screaming.

But they couldn't hear it, so he supposed it didn't matter.

"All the faster to run forward and win the race," he shot back, and Swiftkit seemed to be quickly losing his patience with this particular argument. Redkit could see it in the way his nostrils began to flare, jaw creaking with how tight he was clenching his teeth, and the faint beginnings of a growl began to fill the air.

He took a second to wonder, and regret, if the other tom would attack him straight up.

(He took a second to wonder if any of the others would help him if he did. Willowkit probably would.)

But just as the tension was reaching a boiling high, another voice that had been silent the whole night spoke up.

"Just let it go, brother," Wildkit sighed from where he was crouched on his nest, at the edge of it- like he wasn't allowed to be in the center where it was the warmest. A bored sigh escaped his lips, and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here at the moment. Dark amber eyes were closed as he spoke. "You're losing."

"I don't lose!" Swiftkit whirled around so quickly Redkit was almost slapped with his tail, his head jerking back in response to it. Everything within his body let out a collective sigh of relief with those acid-like eyes off of him.

"Keep it up and you will," Wildkit grumbled again, opening one eye to look at his fuming brother. "Besides, arguing and losing said argument with the son of a Noble? That's rather unbecoming, is it not?"

Those were apparently the magic words because Swiftkit's bristled fur flattened and his tensed stance melted away, shoulders dropping. (Wow, Redkit wanted to learn how to do that to him.) The light grey tom let out a scoff, but said nothing more, shooting a glare over his shoulder to Redkit before stomping his way back over to his nest.

Wildkit subtly shifted aside even more, an unsaid agreement between the two brothers, and Swiftkit let out a harsh huff as he sat in place.

The farther he went, the more Redkit relaxed, and the more he had to fight the smile that was threatening to bloom across his face.

He had done it.

He had stood up to a bully like Swiftkit.

And though he had help from the others, he was the one to talk back in the first place and stand his ground. And that…

That made him feel good. Strong.

Confident.

Yeah…

I can do this.

I can stay in the running past the first elimination.

I will prove it to everyone.

And I will be worthy.

"But what dignifies worthiness?

What makes one worthy and the other not?

Is it the strength they carry in their body? Their mind? Their heart?"

Redpaw had done it.

He had made it past the first elimination round, and both Cloudpaw- as they had predicted- and Foxpaw- unfortunately- was knocked out of it instead. The trial had been tough, but since it had involved a race (that not only included all of the apprentices, but obstacles that came in the form of the Royals and Nobles trying to pin and slow them down), Redpaw considered himself lucky.

He had been in the top three- boosting his favor with the High Ranks that made the whispers toward him just a little more positive- second only to Willowpaw. He had caught sight of her a few times during the actual trial, and he had to admit he was a bit jealous with just how seamlessly she evaded every single warrior that tried to attack her like it was nothing. If he had been able to do the same, there was little doubt in his mind that he would have come up first.

But, what's done was done. He was happy with second place if it meant someone as nice as Willowpaw was first.

Redpaw could name a few individuals that were not so happy for him.

Swiftpaw, who had come in fourth behind his brother, was one of them.

...And apparently, Wolfstorm was another.

"Disgraceful! Both of you!"

Redpaw flinched at the sudden volume nearby, his ears perking up and his crouched stance rising from where he had been stalking a mouse. The mouse instantly ran off, and though he probably should have made chase, his curiosity was more important than his duties as an apprentice it seemed. (He could always hunt after.)

His ears flattened when he heard a following cry of pain, and without his permission, his paws were leading him toward the sound instead of away from it.

("All the faster to run forward and win the race." Yeah, he was regretting those words now.)

The sloping hills of the beech tree forest made it rather taxing going up them at certain parts, but if there was anything he was gaining from his training, his stamina was certainly rising. If there was one thing he loved more than striving for greatness, it was feeling the results in his body.

Focus.

"Father, I-" Redstar skidded to a stop, the grass tickling his paws and the earth disrupted by his movements. He… knew that voice. It was Swiftpaw.

And he immediately felt horrible for wanting to just go the other direction right away, but… But Swiftpaw sounded like he was in some sort of pain. A moment later, and Wildpaw's cry sounded, a little louder, before it was abruptly cut off.

Redpaw hesitated even still. Those two… weren't particularly his friends. He didn't even think they liked him remotely, always reminding him of his inter-rank status and Swiftpaw was always saying that he would never be a true Grand Royal if he did, by some miracle, win by the end of this. (A true Grand Royal should only be a pure-blooded Royal, like him and his family.)

They are your clanmates though.

He had to defend his clanmates if they were in trouble, no matter how much he liked them or not.

So, he continued until he stepped into a clearing that was meant to be rather bland and boring. The stench of blood, however, made it not bland and boring, and Redpaw- never having once thought this- wished that it was.

Because the sight he walked in on made his stomach turn and the excitement he had been searching for suddenly seemed unimportant. (Perhaps Flintstrike and Honeysky had a point with living a boring life. Exciting things could potentially hurt you.)

His eyes caught onto Swiftpaw first, who was standing in a way telling of his desire to just run in the opposite direction. His head was slightly lowered, which was strange for the tom who refused to cower in the face of anybody, and if Redpaw focused hard enough, he thought he could see a pained expression on his face.

And there, on the ground a few feet in front of the shivering light grey apprentice… Wolfstorm and Wildpaw were. The father of the two, salt and pepper tabby pelt bristled like the thorns of bramble bushes, snarled as he stood above his son, dark grey eyes violent like his namesake. One paw was pressing into Wildpaw's cheek, turning his head to the side and forcing his cheek to be squashed into the ground to quiet him down.

The other was planted firmly on Wildpaw's chest, and even from his distance, Redpaw could see the claws unsheathed and digging into the skin there, blood bubbling to the surface of a dark grey pelt.

"Neither of you will lose again. Do I make myself clear?" On that final word, his claws tugged downward and Wildpaw grunted in pain, a stray whimper in the back of his throat but forced back down. Dark grey shifted away over to his other son, completely ignoring or missing Redpaw altogether. "Especially you, Swiftpaw. Would you prefer your brother take your place instead?"

"No, Wolfstorm," Swiftpaw said as quickly as he could, posture stiffening as he stood up a little straighter. "No, I will not lose again. I apologize for disappointing you."

"Apologies don't make a difference to me," Wolfstorm tore himself away from Wildpaw, the apprentice hissing but remaining on the ground, curling onto his side and shivering. And as if to further prove his words, he drawled to the son he had just wounded, "I'm sorry."

Redpaw must have made some sort of noise at that, because within a heartbeat, those dark grey eyes lifted and turned directly toward him and he jumped. His eyes were wide, his stomach tight in knots and he could taste the blood in the air. He felt like doubling over to dispel all of his horrors and run in the opposite direction- he was fast, after all.

"If it isn't the fraud himself," Wolfstorm's voice took on a breathless tone and Redpaw felt himself take an instinctive step backward when the Royal took one toward him. "Listen here, disgrace- what you have witnessed will not leave your mouth at any point with anyone or so help the shameful ones that have made you and tarnished our Royal name!"

The ones that…

My parents.

He's threatening my parents…

And just as before, he could feel indignation and the desire to protect well up inside of him, smoke and flames coiling up from deep within his belly and evaporating some of the initial horrors to ash. They crawled up, sitting in his chest, burning his heart, and Redpaw wanted to fight back.

But back then, it had been against Swiftkit.

Now, it was Wolfstorm. The father of the one who had bullied him so, and it was apparent that the apple didn't fall far from the tree with that family. Swiftpaw was becoming just like him, Wildpaw right behind him as always, but… But what if they didn't have a choice?

What if they were just trying to survive having a parent like Wolfstorm? (Someone who, obviously, had no qualms with harming his own kits.)

He would hurt either- Swiftpaw and Wildpaw both. The favorite and the virtual runt. The worthy and the worthless. Both were fair game to Wolfstorm.

So someone like Redpaw, someone he already didn't like because of his status… Well…

Redpaw had little doubt that Wolfstorm would probably enjoy hurting him.

"I-I won't say anything," Redpaw found himself saying, a measure of self-defense, and perhaps to defend his parents as well. They didn't deserve being targeted by Wolfstorm just because their son decided to flap his lips and gossip. (Was it gossip if what he had seen was true though?) "I promise."

"Looks like you have some brains in you yet," Wolfstorm scoffed and took another step forward, hissing. "Now, begone!"

Redpaw wished he could say he stood his ground for a moment longer. He wished he could have been brave enough to send sympathetic or consoling looks for both Swiftpaw and Wildpaw- especially Wildpaw. But…

He didn't. If he said that, he would be a liar.

He turned and ran- ran, just like Swiftpaw said he would.

("All the faster to run away when the going gets tough." Now that, that was more accurate at this moment.)

Redpaw didn't even think twice on the matter, and never before in his life did he feel like such a damn coward. Self-preservation was kicking in, however, and he just wanted to get away from Wolfstorm. Away from the danger that would no doubt swallow him whole. (Away from the abyss trying to eat him alive.)

So, he ran- and speeding down the sloping hills of Blazeclan's territory was a whole lot easier than running up it. He felt like he was flying at moments, his paws barely touching the ground and momentum sending him soaring. He had always liked running because of it, it made him feel like he could fly. Fly up to the very stars he aimed for.

But running away for his life felt a whole lot different than running just for the fun of it.

His heart hammered in his chest, less to do with actual exertion and more to do with withering panic. Crippling fear made his body move on automatic and he didn't know how long or how far he ran. Redpaw guessed it was a while, because every single time he tried to get his body to stop, it didn't listen- as if deciding for him that this wasn't far enough and he had to go farther.

He had to run, had to run, had to-

Redpaw didn't know whether it was a relief or not that he finally did stop… but only because he collided with something. At the breakneck speeds he was going at, the impact stole his breath within an instant so he didn't even have the air to cry out in pain.

Whatever he had collided with did let out a cry, on the other hand, so that something quickly flipped over to someone.

His vision was blurry from the collision, his head spinning, and a wheezing groan escaped his lips as whatever he had run into pushed him aside so he wasn't on top of them. Coughing that didn't belong to his own throat sounded, and the scent of peppermint and jasmine made some of the pain lessen a little with its soothingness.

"Stars, I didn't know you all were that desperate to catch me."

A voice grumbled beside him and Redpaw forced his body to inhale and exhale evenly, his vision returning the more he blinked, and alas, his vision focused to reveal the Commoner that had been quite the thorn in the High Ranks' side. Cinderpaw grumbled, rubbing at her head with one paw, and for some reason, a plump, freshly caught rabbit had been discarded off to the side. It must have flown from her mouth during their collision.

"I… I'm sorry," Redpaw murmured instinctively, collecting himself enough to stand on wobbly paws, and he only now realized his body was shaking. He chanced a glance over his shoulder, half-expecting Wolfstorm to be chasing him, but they were alone. Safe. Her words quickly caught up to him and he blinked before looking back at her with a pinched brow, "Wait, someone's after you? Who?"

Cinderpaw didn't answer him immediately. Instead, she regarded him with an expression he couldn't quite place. If he looked closely enough, he thought he could see something like disdain in those frosty eyes, but… that wasn't quite right either. Perhaps she hated him simply for the sole reason he was a High Rank- a Grand Royal apprentice at that.

After a second, she took in a breath, getting to her paws without answering him yet and padding over to pick up the rabbit, turning her eyes in the direction that she had apparently come from. Redpaw followed her gaze, straining his senses to see if he could catch any sight of the ones apparently chasing his clanmate, but he found nothing. Not yet, at least.

Maybe she had quite the head-start.

"Oh, you know," Cinderpaw spoke through the limp rabbit in her jaws, and as his eyes turned back to meet hers, they shined with mischief unlike any other he had seen before. Impish like she was a creature that survived off of misbehavior. "The Noble that I snatched this rabbit from. They don't like others stealing from them apparently. They steal from me though, so I only see it fair, no?"

Redpaw gaped at her for a moment, at how so casual she spoke on such a matter, and he felt like he should do something about this. Scold her, take the rabbit back. Turn her in?

For what? He asked himself for a second before quickly shaking that question away. She stole from the High Ranks. She isn't allowed.

(Still, the question of- So what?- flickered in his mind without his permission.)

However, before he could come to some sort of conclusion, she sent him a wink.

"K, bye!"

And then she was off again, bolting away before he even had a chance to react or even consider stopping her, and Redpaw was left there gaping at the empty space.

Well… That was… strange.

Cinderpaw was such a strange Commoner. Instead of bending and bowing to the will and rules of the High Ranks, her superiors, she fought back instead. In her own little ways of course, she didn't outright start a fight with everybody she came across.

More like subtle pranks and misconduct that could be written off as an apprentice who didn't quite realize they weren't a kit anymore, so it couldn't be considered cute any longer.

A few seconds passed before he heard it, the sound of panting and rapid pawsteps, and as he glanced over his shoulder- the same way she had been looking before- he caught sight of Stagface, Noble warrior of Blazeclan. The tanned fur tom looked rather disheveled and annoyed, his eyes catching sight of Redpaw before he quickly composed himself and cleared his throat.

"Grand Royal Redpaw." Stars, he quite enjoyed hearing that. Being addressed for what he dreamed of being. Stagface gave a slight bow, voice breathless, "Did you happen to catch sight of a Commoner around here?"

It would have been so easy to point him in the right direction… but for some reason, Redpaw didn't really want to. His eyes didn't dart in the direction Cinderpaw had run to, that would only give it away, and instead, he closed his eyes and let out a little sigh.

"I haven't. Whoever you're looking for must have gone a different way."

Stagface let out a quiet groan at that before professionalism took over again, standing erect before he gave a grateful, if disappointed, nod of his head.

"Very well. You have my appreciation."

Redpaw almost felt bad for lying, especially with how aggravated Stagface appeared to be as he turned the direction he came and stomped through the undergrowth, grumbling under his breath the whole time.

He felt like laughing once he was alone again, but he didn't entirely know why, so he swallowed it down.

First I run into Wolfstorm abusing his sons… Then I get threatened by him…

And then Cinderpaw…

Today was a very strange day indeed.

Redpaw wasn't so mad about it.

"Is it the selflessness to help others along… or the selfishness called ambition to aim higher and achieve grandiosity?"

Turns out, what Cinderpaw had done wasn't a one-time thing.

In fact, Redpaw felt his stomach coil once he found out that- apparently- the she-cat was making some sort of stand against the mistreatment that Commoners had to deal with in regards to fresh-kill. A rule that the others had grown used to was that Commoners had to hunt for the High Ranks as well before they were allowed to eat anything.

And even more, it wasn't rare for the High Ranks to steal from them regardless.

Cinderpaw wasn't okay with that, and she was the only one brave or foolish enough to do something about it.

...In the form of refusing to come back to camp and do her own duties, going so far as to make some sort of hideout hidden away at the edge of Blazeclan territory that nobody could find apparently. Until Grand Royal Lionstar changed that particular rule, she was going to remain there.

Now, that wasn't where the problem started.

At first, everybody just brushed it off. She would come back within a few days and they would punish her for slacking on her duties and that would be all.

Right?

Wrong.

Because it had been upwards to a moon and a half now and she still hadn't returned. And the only reason anybody knew she was still alive?

Well, part of her protest or whatever, included stealing whatever prey those out hunting caught. Both High Ranks and Low Ranks, everybody was fair game for her apparently. She was very sneaky when she needed to be, especially now, and so, nobody could really catch sight of her before she was snagging their prey right from their jaws and running off of it like the world was on fire.

Redpaw hated to admit it, but she was doing quite a good job at it too.

Needless to say, Lionstar was growing quite angry with that. Especially because it was working. A virtual famine was taking place and everybody had to work double-time in order to catch enough prey for the day and they were starting to complain.

So, in an effort to end this, and because he didn't want to admit he was losing this fight, Lionstar had ordered the Grand Royal apprentices after the runaway Commoner.

As a "training exercise" he labeled it as, but Redpaw wasn't completely buying it.

Still, he was not one to refuse his Grand Royal, so once more after who knows how many expeditions out in the forest, Redpaw set out to find said she-cat. It had been a while and though there had been sightings of her- and Willowpaw had almost caught her once, and Swiftpaw twice- nobody could actually bring her back to camp.

The moods were turning dour, the annoyance rising, and Redpaw was starting to feel sorry for Cinderpaw. When they caught her, whenever that was, she was going to get quite the punishment for doing this.

He had to admit, he was growing quite restless as well. Irritation sparking within him, because the longer this "training exercise" went on, the longer the Grand Royal apprentices missed out on actual training. It felt like he was wasting time, and how could he prove himself to everybody if he was wasting time?

So, Redpaw decided to take a different approach.

He was hunting. Pretending to at least.

It wasn't too hard, finding something for him to hunt. The only problem was that he had to keep his focus not only on the actual prey but also on the shadows nearby. Cinderpaw could have been anywhere… or nowhere. What were the chances she would steal from him next? She couldn't be everywhere at once, after all, so there had to be some chance for him to actually get something for the clan.

Either way, the squirrel he was currently stalking or the Commoner he was tasked with capturing, Redpaw was bound to bring something worthwhile back to camp.

He stepped lightly, tail keeping him steady, eyes on the prize and his other senses on the other proverbial prize. Redpaw didn't particularly enjoy this part of hunting, the actual killing part. He was always a bit sloppy at it. But tracking? Oh, he enjoyed that part.

On his next step, the pads of his paws crinkling the undergrowth ever so quietly, his ear twitched at the faintest step off in the shadows. His muscles coiled, waiting a moment to make sure he heard it right and preparing to change direction.

...But just as before, he had no time to react before Cinderpaw made her appearance… and her disappearance.

She appeared like a bolt of lightning streaking through the clouds, flying from the shadows like she had always been there and latching her jaws around the squirrel's head, killing it instantly. Time seemed to slow as her eyes turned toward him, excitement and impishness making her eyes shine like twin stars of ice in the night sky. He had a sense of deja vu, and through the squirrel clutched in her jaws, he swore he could see the curl of a playful grin at her lips.

And then, she was off. Keeping up her momentum and without missing a beat, she dove back into the shadows and Redpaw cursed at himself for hesitating before he immediately made chase.

It was surprisingly hard to keep track of her grey pelt amidst all the reds and browns and greens of the world around them. She ran and he chased after her, and no matter how much he pushed himself, she was always just out of his reach.

Just when he thought he would catch up, she suddenly changed directions without warning and he had to skid to a stop- losing time- before turning to follow after her again. Cinderpaw did that a few times, taking turns at random and bursting through the harshest of bushes like they meant nothing, and it took him much longer than he wanted to admit to learn how to keep up with that.

It surprised him that she could do this all without the squirrel falling from her mouth, because he didn't know how much time had passed before he was panting harshly, and she was still running.

Now he was starting to see why Willowpaw and Swiftpaw couldn't catch her either.

At last, it was a sharp turn at the end of a hill that was his undoing. Because he had been flying, paws barely touching the ground, he didn't have time to stop and turn with her because he kept going, practically leaping to the bottom of the slope while she ran off. He landed with a harsh thud, a grunt escaping his lips, and right as he spun to continue making chase… she was gone.

She was gone, and so were the sound of her pawsteps, and within mere seconds… He lost track of her.

Redpaw cursed.

His chest heaved with his heavy breaths, and every one felt like it set him on fire from within, and his throat was incredibly dry and he wanted to find one of the small streams that streaked through his territory more than he wanted to see if he could find her again. The mere idea of moving at this point, however, felt like the greatest torture, so he just stood there for a few seconds to catch his breath.

He lost her.

Damn it.

Redpaw had been too cocky with himself. Too arrogant to think that his speed alone would have been enough if he caught sight of her. Evidently, it wasn't.

Not good enough. He had to train harder.

But first, he had to return to camp empty-handed: without prey to feed the clans and without Cinderpaw to appease the Grand Royal.

He had a chance of getting both, and now, both had been ripped from his paws before he could snatch them.

Was this what it felt like to be stolen from?

He didn't quite like it.

And he was starting not to like her either.

"Who gets to decide it?

Who makes the rules?

The codes?

The guidelines?"

Another half-moon passed, and still… nothing.

Neither he nor the rest of the Grand Royal apprentices could do anything, and while the clan had devised a way to get consistent prey for everybody despite Cinderpaw stealing from them, this was a matter of pride now and that Commoner was leaving everybody in the dust.

Both figuratively and literally.

The Grand Royal had permitted them to bring her back by any means necessary. That included violence if they saw fit, and the vigor with which others like Swiftpaw and Tigerpaw and Russetpaw searched for her damn near scared Redpaw. (Willowpaw had all but given up after that, wrinkling her nose at the idea of harming her own clanmate, and it was a wordless thing that she wasn't going to hunt for Cinderpaw anymore.)

Redpaw also felt wrong… but he was just so annoyed at this point.

Within the half-moon, he had only caught track of her one other time, and he had been with Goldenpaw at the time. The two had made chase, obviously, but because there were two of them pursuing her, Cinderpaw seemed to double her efforts and he didn't even know that was possible. Somehow, the Commoner had made the two of them run into each other more times than he could count, and in the end, they both gave up- embarrassed and thoroughly piqued.

(Especially when he swore he could hear Cinderpaw laughing at them from a distance, wherever she was.)

So, once again, Redpaw set out to find her, and, once again, he had to switch his tactics. The same trick didn't work twice on her, and the second time he had just let a freshly caught prey pile sit pretty and unguarded. A trap that he and Goldenpaw worked on together, and though Cinderpaw had fallen for it and could only carry so much on her at one time, she had managed to take both of his catches before she ran off.

Admittedly, he was growing too exasperated to think of any other ideas. So this time, he took it slow, walking the forest as if he was just trying to clear his heads, his eyes scoping around in the vain hopes to catch any sight of her and ears perked to attention.

He was one of the fastest runners of the Grand Royal apprentices, undoubtedly, but because that hadn't been working… Perhaps his tracking skills could. He was great at those as well.

So, he wandered, specifically to the part where Tigerpaw claimed he had seen her last (when she rode up on him, snatched a mouse right from between his claws, and all but vanished into thin air). Luckily for him, Tigerpaw had been more than willing to tell him. He, too- adrenaline chaser as he was- was starting to grow tired of this supposed competition. (Tigerpaw liked fighting more than he did chasing.)

Redpaw glanced around the area, knowing that probably wouldn't help too much, before he crouched low to the ground, eyeing the undergrowth for any sign of disruption. Misplaced earth, slightly trampled vegetation, crackling leaves that had been stepped on by accident- anything would have helped at this point to give him a start.

Once more, he was grateful it had been Tigerpaw because that tom couldn't hide his presence to save his life. He found the place where his fellow rival no doubt had been, deep indentations in the ground from the tom's heavy steps, and Redpaw scented the air, parting his mouth and closing his eyes, visualizing the scent trails in the air.

They were faint, everything was fading and muted at this point because it had been a few hours by now.

But, he caught something. And where before, he could brush it off as nothing, he knew that scent. (His memory was impeccable as well.)

Peppermint and jasmine.

Cinderpaw.

Redpaw damn near didn't want to open his eyes because he found he focused better on scent alone, but this one was waning and drifting away and he knew he would not have it to guide him for much longer. So, golden-yellow eyes drifted open, glancing down at the ground, tilting slightly from side-to-side to catch sight of something and-

There.

The undergrowth had been stepped on, lightly so because Cinderpaw barely touched the ground as she ran, but it was the something he needed to know he was on the right track. He moved cautiously, almost as if the signs that were hidden away would never reveal themselves to him if he rushed through this. Slow and steady.

He walked, following the slight indentations, the misplaced dirt. A broken twig there. A crushed leaf here. Droplets of blood from the mouse splayed at random but all heading in one general direction (once again, he thanked Tigerpaw, because that tom was such a messy hunter and a sadistic thing that liked to make prey bleed). Peppermint and jasmine lingered just at the edges of his senses; if he inhaled too quickly, they would flutter off as if playing keep-away. Too slow, and they would fade entirely.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

More misplaced earth, a sharp turn had been taken here. If he glanced up, he could see some- but not all- of the ferns that stretched to cover the pathways disrupted as well, a few leaves of them bending clean in half while others looked like they hadn't even been touched.

Peppermint clung to the roof of his mouth and jasmine dipped at the tip of his tongue, and with every other blink, he thought he could see the scent trail drifting through the air. Faded but… growing stronger the farther he walked.

Little spatters of red, and at one point, Cinderpaw had stopped running so carefully because Redpaw caught sight of an actual paw print. He kept himself steady, stalking through the undergrowth as if he was hunting prey instead of his clanmate.

(He tried not to think too hard about that.)

At last, the scent of peppermint and jasmine was so strong it was almost right on top of him, and Redpaw felt his heart racing with exhilaration when he stood at the top of a hill. Right at the edge of the territory. There, hidden away at the far bottom of said hill, a hole that was difficult to see with the grass pulled in front of it. But Redpaw saw it, his eyes lighting with victory.

He had to admit, she was good at hiding.

Most of the time.

"Well, I suppose the gig is up."

A voice off to the side startled him and he jumped. He had been so focused on keeping his eyes on the covered hole as he began cautiously making his way down, to not lose track of it, that he had completely forgotten everything else around him. A surprised scream clogged halfway through his throat and he flinched, whirling around quickly.

And there, sitting ever so casually on a broken branch of one of the beech trees, Cinderpaw gazed back at him with a smile on her face like everybody hadn't been trying to catch her for who knows how long now. Redpaw had lost count of the days.

"I'll have to admit, I'm a little disappointed it's taken you all this long to find me here," the smile turned into the start of a smirk, eyes twinkling with mirth and taunt, "Not so hot on the tracking, hmm?"

"I found you," Redpaw finally found his voice, but for some reason, it was hoarse and gruff and he cleared his throat a second after.

"That you did," Cinderpaw relented with a nod that was a tad bit condescending even. "About time. Congratulations, we have a winner."

"Commoner Cinderpaw," he took on the Grand Royal aura he had been practicing, standing up straighter, lifting his head higher. "I have been advised to bring you back to camp by any means necessary. Come willingly, and I won't have to hurt you."

Instead of being intimidated by his words and his tones, Cinderpaw just snorted and he felt offended by that. Was he really that non-threatening?

"Why is it always violence with you all?" She sighed, and something told him that was a rhetorical question that he shouldn't answer. He didn't even know if he had an answer to that, his ears twitching to fall flat with disdain, and his lips curled slightly.

"Grand Royal Lionstar had made it an official decree for you to return," Redpaw continued regardless, ignoring her question. "If you continue to refuse, he will have to take matters into his own paws. Starting with the other Commoners."

He expected that to stop her, the threat against the rest of those from her rank. Those she was affiliated with, those that raised her.

It had stopped him time and time again… but Cinderpaw was not him. Clearly.

"Oh, it must drive him crazy," Cinderpaw's smirk blossomed, all sharp edges and satisfaction. "A Low Rank who refuses to bow to him. Almost tempting enough for me to actually return to see it myself. But… Nah."

His eyes narrowed at that, rubbed the wrong way by her aura of carefreeness. He had just told her that the others would be hurt if she didn't comply and she was acting as if he hadn't. Perhaps she didn't hear him?

Ignorant, selfish Commoner, his mind spat and he furrowed his brows, shaking those thoughts away.

"You'll let the others suffer?" Redpaw questioned, losing some of his stiff posture, tilting his head slightly. His eyes narrowed, however. "Is that not an act of selfishness?"

For some reason, his words made her laugh. Cinderpaw tipped her head back, and he was just about to run up to her and catch her regardless with her attention not on him entirely, but he hesitated. Curious.

He didn't know why he wanted to hear her words so badly.

"You see, Grand Royal," his rank was said tauntingly and Redpaw didn't even know that was a possibility. Icy blue eyes drifted back to him, and for some reason, he froze in place. The intensity in her eyes, eyes so cold they burned him. (Huh. Who knew ice could burn just as much as a fire?) "Your words are so conflicting. I refuse to go along because I believe- no, I know we deserve better. And I'm making progress, and that irritates him.

"Because of that, he's going to hurt the rest of my kind, my friends and family- all because I refuse to listen to him. So now… I'm somehow the villain in the story. Huh."

Cinderpaw scoffed, an astounded scowl to her lips, and she wasn't done talking, "Funny how that works for you all. It must be so convenient to have a scapegoat. Tell me this, how am I responsible for their pain… when you are the ones lifting your claws against them in the first place?"

He remained silent because he found… he didn't have an answer to that.

Noticing his silence, she let out a sharp laugh, and Redpaw had to wonder if she was truly angry at him specifically, or if this was just a long time coming.

She smiled, and this time, it took on a sad curl.

"See how that doesn't make any sense to me? I want to understand your logic- but at the same time, I'm a little scared too. Because I don't know if I want all of these messed up things to make sense to me."

Redpaw shouldn't be listening to her. He had allowed her to talk for too long, and now, she was spewing nonsense.

Nonsense, nonsense, that's all it was.

Right?

Right.

(...Right?...)

He had to get out of here. And though he had spent this long trying to find her, Redpaw didn't want to be anywhere near her anymore.

"This is your final warning," he ground out through gritted teeth, golden-yellow blazing with the flares of the sun and he wondered if its heat was enough to melt her burning ice. "Next time, I will drag you back unconscious if I have to."

And again, he didn't know if he should be offended at the fact that she laughed at his attempt at intimidation.

Her giggles rang in the air with the crispness of a cold breeze, the sharp sting of Leaf-bare in the far distance, and if he wondered if it alone would be enough to bring on the blizzards that would sweep him away to nothingness. Cinderpaw looked down at him from where she sat, leaning forward slightly, teeth baring in a smile.

"Well… You'll just have to catch me first. Won't you, Grand Royal?"

He ran.

Away from her direction, turning off to the side to run back into the territory but avoid her altogether.

A part of him, the part that wanted to be worthy, the part that wanted to be adored, was screaming at him to turn back around. He had finally, finally found her, and- what? He was running away. That was wrong. He had to turn around. He had to bring her back to camp for them all to teach her a lesson.

Right?

Right right right?

(...wrong…)

When he made it back to camp, he surprised himself when he didn't tell anybody about her location. It would have been so easy after all, one meeting with Lionstar and that would have made him the proverbial victor in this challenge.

But…

He didn't tell anyone.

And he didn't know why.

"We follow them without even knowing what they truly entail. Blind even when we claim to see all the truth.

We follow them because we want someone to notice. To notice us. We require it.

As much as we require air for our lungs, blood for our bodies."

Redpaw was running again.

And so was Cinderpaw.

A week later, and he still hadn't told anyone of her location. And sure, it would have been easier to just bombard her at her little hideout, but… That felt like a cheap win. Not the victory he so desired.

He felt so silly for wanting to be able to catch her in an actual race, but he couldn't quite help himself. He wanted to prove he could beat her, fair and square, instead of having to resort to devious measures of jumping at her when she wasn't expecting it.

It.. had become like a game.

Well, for her at least, and it was even more insulting that he could hear her laughing when he ran after her. He often wondered if that was making her winded at all, but she didn't seem bothered by it by any means.

For him, it wasn't a game.

It was just another challenge, a self-imposed one this time, and it made him that much more desperate. He also liked to think he did it for the Commoners because just as Lionstar had said, they had indeed been having to face even harsher rules and regulations and curfews. He had said as much to Cinderpaw, and while it had made her angry, it wasn't enough for her to actually come back.

(He wondered how far she would let it go before she gave up this meaningless protest…

He then began to wonder how far Lionstar was willing to go, and then those thoughts made him angry because it was questioning his leader's choices and so he ran faster.)

Redpaw was going to catch the little thief no matter what, even if it killed him. At this rate, he wondered if it was possible to die from exhaustion from running so much.

At least he slept more soundly at night now, fatigued as his body and mind were from consistent failure.

His heart raced with adrenaline, lungs burning and seizing and begging him to stop as he leaped over a fallen branch, his paws barely brushing the surface as he kept going. His teeth grit together, the wind and ferns whipping at his face and blinding him more often than not, the scent of peppermint and jasmine just ahead of him yet still out of his reach and-

Cinderpaw's laugh tinkled into the air like music from up ahead, loud and clear and free free free. (Still free, she was still free and he had yet to catch her, he had to catch her. The Grand Royal ordered him to, he had to impress his leader.) She was always ahead of him, always a few pawsteps, a leap away most often than not, her tail just within reach of his muzzle as it streamed behind her, always within his line of sight, yet he couldn't get her.

He thought he was starting to go crazy.

There was the thief, there was the stupid Commoner, the rule-breaker, so close yet so far. And no matter how much he pushed himself to go faster, no matter how much he caught hint of her tactics and the changes she made and the turns she took, Redpaw could simply not close the distance between the two.

One time, one time- he had. A few days ago, she had taken a hasty turn that he somehow, by complete accident, predicted and the two had collided just like so long ago. They went sprawling, tumbling over each other, but before he could even think of grabbing onto her- she was off again.

His blood was beginning to boil, heart pounding with agitation, mind piercing with fury. He lost so many times. So many times.

He was getting tired of losing.

A squirrel scurried up a tree a ways in front of the two, but Redpaw paid no attention to it and neither did Cinderpaw for that matter. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered but the she-cat who was right in front of him.

Come on, damn it! You're so close.

So close, so close.

Still so far away.

It was an impossible task.

At one point, perhaps it was yesterday or the day before that- he lost count of the days, he and the other Grand Royal apprentices finally banded together to spring a trap upon her.

...The fact that he was still chasing her now meant they didn't succeed.

Just as so many times before, Redpaw lost track of time. It could have been minutes since their game started today, or maybe it was only seconds, or perhaps it had been reaching an hour now.

Cinderpaw rounded a tree and Redpaw came at her from that alternate angle, diving for her from the side, an abrupt lunge that would mark the end of their game whether or not he caught her because at this point- he couldn't keep going.

She spotted him out of the corner of her eye, icy blue wild and glinting with joy and that annoyed him too because she was just playing with him. It was evident in the way her legs bunched together, sending her high into the air like she had been a Forestclan warrior, and he sailed right by her. Redpaw hardly heard her land, barely heard her pawsteps as she took off again, and he rolled across the ground.

Stray leaves and dirt clung to his body and he sputtered, wheezing for air, but his state of uncleanliness didn't matter because he failed again.

He failed. Again.

Golden-yellow opened and she was gone, just like before. He would have snarled if he wasn't so breathless, and for a handful of seconds, he just lay on the ground, choking on his breath and wanting to fall asleep then and there.

Failure. Unworthy.

No. He just had to catch her. That would show them.

Redpaw didn't know how long he remained there, and perhaps he did fall asleep at one point because between one blink and the next, the angle of the sun was different as it dipped toward the earth. The beech forest lit up with the golden rays of the setting sun and he sighed.

Another failure.

He stood up, paws aching and muscles sore, but he pushed himself to keep going, turning and wandering in the direction of camp. (He most definitely got lost at one point or another, but he was nothing if not efficient.)

Failing to catch her wasn't the worst part of all of this.

The worst part was just about to come up, as he arrived back to camp, easily spotting Lionstar amidst the masses, and made his way over.

Eyes of a darker yellow than the leader's vibrant golden pelt, fur thicker by his neck and down his shoulders and parts of his spine, turned to meet him and Redpaw suddenly felt so nervous. He swallowed thickly, bowing his head respectfully. No matter how many times he spoke with his leader, he could not deny being scared.

"Grand Royal," he greeted, voice hoarse from all his panting earlier and he really needed a drink of water sometime soon. "I am afraid to report that the Commoner continues to elude me."

Those eyes narrowed, the tom sitting up now instead of lying down, and though Redpaw remained standing, he felt so small in the presence of Lionstar. Dark yellow scanned his body and the apprentice remained there, exposed, not really knowing what exactly his leader was looking for in all of this.

"Clearly. You return without her after all," the Grand Royal's voice rumbled and Redpaw didn't know whether that was because he was growling or because that was just his natural baritone. A rolling, disappointed sigh escaped his lips, and with a flick of a tail, the blaze of defeat shined brighter within the apprentice and he hid his flinch as Lionstar waved him away. "Very well. You are dismissed. Try again tomorrow."

"Yes, Grand Royal," Redpaw found himself mumbling before he turned away, making his way over to the den he shared with Tigerpaw by this point. (Six of the original ten contenders remained: Cloudpaw, Foxpaw, Goldenpaw, and Russetpaw had all been knocked out.) He just hoped his denmate was asleep or away because really, Redpaw just wanted to be alone.

Failure, failure, failure.

The secret of her hideout was right at the tip of his tongue, but again- again, he kept his mouth shut.

No.

I will be the one who gets her.

No one else.

His eyes drifted over in the direction where the Commoners were getting ready to go to their den for the incoming night- not allowed out of camp as they were. Redpaw found himself stopping right at the cusp of his own den, golden-yellow narrowing, and he found his lip curling disdainfully.

Stupid, worthless Commoners…

It was such a small thought, a fleeting thing but… It made him freeze up, his eyes widening and he flinched.

That wasn't like him. Sure, he didn't particularly care for the Commoners or the other Low Ranks, but he also wasn't… like that. Hating them just for existing.

...Perhaps he was just tired. Tired of losing all the time, and physically tired from the chase.

He needed to go to sleep. Redpaw turned, swiftly ducking into his den and collapsing into his nest, body sighing with relief.

Tomorrow was a new day.

Tomorrow he will catch her.

(Tomorrow, I will be worthy.)

"That's all we're ever doing, isn't it?

Seeking validation and approval from others…

We can never be content or happy with self-acceptance."

"I was wondering when you'd stop by today. Couldn't even wait 'til I finished my meal, huh?"

Cinderpaw licked her lips clean before she stood up hastily upon seeing Redpaw's approach, a resigned sigh escaping her lips as she looked forlornly down to the raven she had no doubt snagged from someone early- Redpaw briefly wondered who before deciding it didn't matter.

"Ah, whatever then. So, the usual?"

Another week of consistent failures and Redpaw had just about had it now. He was…

He was tired.

Tired of running, tired of chasing her.

"I was thinking we could talk instead."

"Talk?" Cinderpaw looked so baffled by his suggestion, it was kind of adorable. Her nose wrinkled, and it almost looked like she didn't even know the very definition of the word.

Despite his apparent dislike of her, Redpaw couldn't help but huff out a quiet laugh. "Yes. Talk. The thing that normal cats do to learn more about each other instead of playing an impossible game of catch the mouse."

Obviously, Cinderpaw didn't believe him. Perhaps she thought it was only another one of his tricks to give himself an advantage. (Admittedly, he hadn't even thought about that, but he meant it. He was tired, and he was done running… For now, at least.)

"I don't believe you," she said even as she took half a step back, standing lightly on her toes, tail curling this way and that behind her. Prepared to turn and sprint in a random direction. (Always within Blazeclan territory, curiously enough. It would have been so easy for her to just run out of it, her apparent den was there after all, but for some reason, she didn't seem too keen on the idea of going in that direction.)

To prove his point, he let out another huff before he settled down a considerable distance away from her. Far enough so she would have quite the head-start if this really was another trick, but close enough so they wouldn't have to yell at each other to hear. He shrugged his shoulders, curling his tail around his paws, another hindrance to himself.

She seemed to relax a little at that.

Still keeping her distance, she sat down as well, ready to spring away if she had to and Redpaw- despite himself- was impressed at her awareness. He had thought her naive, but apparently, she was smarter than anybody gave her credit for.

"Okay. Talk," Cinderpaw nodded in his direction before shrugging. "Can't say I'll listen, but go ahead."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You know the answer."

"Remind me."

"Hmm. Not in the mood to appease your ego, Grand Royal. If that's what you're here for then-"

Redpaw sighed, a little irritated, shaking his head and wrinkling his nose. "Why do you do that?"

"Pardon?" Cinderpaw tilted her head, looking not at all miffed that he cut her off like he had expected her to be.

He eyed her for a moment, the way she was sitting. Tensed and ready to run, obviously, but… There was something else. That carefreeness she always had, a nonchalance that none of the other Commoners had. Low Ranks couldn't afford to be so casual. They had to abide by so many rules, obey so many others, keep their heads low to avoid being picked on.

But not once did he ever see Cinderpaw cower before. Not like the others.

She always held herself confidently, refusing to bow her head even to the Grand Royal himself. Stars, even the way she sat was different.

He didn't like it.

It went against everything he was told was true. Commoners were supposed to bow to High Ranks, to him. They weren't supposed to… be like this.

They weren't supposed to be defiant- but Cinderpaw was the embodiment of defiance and stubbornness.

(He thinks some part of him was scared of that.)

"Why are you always breaking the rules?" He summed up his observations and thoughts into one question, golden-yellow eyes narrowing at her, and icy blue stared right back at him. She wasn't supposed to do that. She was never supposed to meet a High Rank in the eye.

Cinderpaw raised a brow. Apparently, he said that a little harsher than he had intended for a "casual" conversation.

He expected her to say something sarcastic or witty, anything to rile him up like she was prone to do with everybody else. But maybe… Maybe she was getting tired of this like he was.

She sighed, taking a moment to collect her own thoughts, eyes going distant and so incredibly sad before inhaled, lips thinning grimly.

When their eyes met, Redpaw burned beneath the ice.

"Because I know we deserve better," she said, and though she didn't yell or snarl, the intensity with which she spoke startled him regardless. "Better than clanmates who force us to hunt for them because they're too lazy and entitled to do it themselves. Clanmates who steal our food even though they don't need it, all for just a little laugh."

Her eyes narrowed, and he felt like he just unleashed a monster with that question.

"Better than rules that wish to rip us apart. Than a system that says it's okay for us to die and starve just for the amusement of others. Just so those above us on the proverbial scale can go higher while we are buried alive in the earth."

Cinderpaw stood up then, all fury and hellfire, and Redpaw- though he would never admit in a million years… cowered.

"I know what I'm worth. What I deserve as a living being," she scoffed, a bitter smile on her lips. "And it isn't this. Why should I settle for what everybody says I'll be content with if I just play along with the rules? No one gets to decide what I'm worth but me. Not the clan, not the Grand Royal, not anybody else- just me."

She turned her glare in the direction of the forest, as if staring at the system itself, revealing a single fang.

"And I am worth so much more than what I'm given," Cinderpaw paused then, a gleam of sadness taking over the righteous fury, and she blew out a heavy sigh. All the fight left her body then, and she just looked so tired. (Tired, just like him.) "...But I think I'm the only one brave enough to admit and do something about it."

"Why not leave then?" Redpaw found himself whispering, her ears perking and eyes turning back over to him. He shuffled his paws a little awkwardly, and he had to fight so hard to not turn away from her gaze. "If you know you deserve more, deserve better, why not leave? Why stay in a clan that is clearly not going to change anytime soon? Why fight an impossible battle?"

"And you called me selfish a while ago," she huffed a bitter laugh, no real heat in her words. "Now who's the selfish one?"

"That's all I'm saying," he shrugged, a bit defensive now. "It seems impractical to go against something that isn't going to change. There is so much opposition, so many things that need to change, as you claim, and you are alone. Weak. Tired. And even if you weren't, there's only so much even the strongest one can do against the might of many."

Cinderpaw chuckled, remaining silent for a moment longer, contemplating his words. For a moment, he thought she would actually listen to him. That she would turn out to face the unknown and just… run off. Leave, while she still had the chance and the sense to.

"I know I'm not going to make much of a difference by myself. Nor in the time that I'm alive…" her eyes closed, and there on her face, a wistful smile appeared. "Stars, I might not even change anything. I won't be able to see it, I'll be dead long before then. But life doesn't end with just me. The world doesn't stop spinning just because I stop breathing."

Icy blue turned back to him, a frozen world and a bright future within them, and Cinderpaw spoke with such surety he felt like he could absolutely believe her.

"I stay and I fight this 'useless' battle I have no hope in winning… because one day, someone else will come along. Many someones. And if I can at the very least weaken the system in some way, shape, or form?" She laughed, a sad thing. "Well… I think that's the greatest victory of all. Change won't come immediately in my time. But for the next generation, and the next after that, and the next? One day it will. And it'll be beautiful."

Redpaw didn't know what to say. What does one say to that?

He felt like he had no right to say anything. After all, he didn't suffer in the way she did. If anything, he was the one who made her suffer. Guilty by association.

All of his anger and irritation that he had been feeling toward her as of late vanished into thin air, leaving behind a bitter aftertaste on his tongue, and he felt like apologizing over and over again for no reason. Stars, what did the Low Ranks have to go through on a daily basis?

He had never cared enough about them to truly pay attention- and he felt like that was just as bad as being the one to hurt them.

"I know what I'm worth… And it isn't that."

And she was fighting for better.

What was he worth? He honestly didn't know. Flintstrike and Honeysky had loved him, but their love had never been enough for him. He wanted encouragement, to be able to know that someone else believed in him.

Was it not enough for him to believe in himself?

"Does that answer your question?" Cinderpaw asked, but her voice sounded muffled through the white noise in his ears and Redpaw inhaled slowly to keep himself from falling apart.

It did. It answered so many things he didn't even know he had questions to and raised even more questions as well.

Redpaw didn't answer.

Instead, he stood up without a word and began to walk away. And though his body was too tired to keep running, his mind raced faster than it ever could.

"Why should I settle for what everybody says I'll be content with if I just play along with the rules?"

"No one gets to decide what I'm worth but me."

What was he worth?

I don't know.

I don't know I don't know I don't know-

"Because when you're made to believe that nothing in you is worthwhile…

That 'self-acceptance' is meaningless.

It's empty.

Not enough.

(Just like you.)

You're only as 'worthy' as the way others look at you."

Flintstrike was dead.

His father, his Noble of a father… He was…

Three days since the battle against Stormclan, over nothing, and Redpaw could still not believe it. He was half-expecting it to be a joke, for Rosepaw and Oatwhisker to say "nevermind" and for his peaceful father to stroll up to him with a usual, easy smile.

But he never did.

And he was never going to because Redpaw's claws were still caked with mud and dirt from when he and the others had buried him.

The High Ranks had thrown the ceremony in remembrance to him, and Redpaw couldn't help but be infuriated by it because all of a sudden? All of a sudden, everybody who had been hating Flinstrike and spitting curses at him, shunning him and Honeysky both for their inter-rank relationship, all of a sudden they were recounting tales like they had been best friends with him?

All of a sudden, they were singing praises and wailing about how much they missed him to the open sky, wishing him guidance to the stars above and to the open arms of their ancestors.

All of a sudden…

Honeysky shut down. It was the best way Redpaw could describe her mother. She holed herself up in the Medicine Den- because Oatwhisker ordered it- and never left the den. He brought his mother food, of course, but every time he came in with fresh prey, the previous one was still there, untouched. Her eyes stared at a fixed point in the wall, distant and lost in the throes of memories of her love.

Grief was a powerful thing, and Redpaw was being choked by it.

Where his mother began to wilt away without her love…

He trained harder.

Losing himself in the throes of his training instead of his memories, staying up late into the night and waking up at dawn to condition himself. He ran most days now- by himself, chasing Cinderpaw, against anybody else who was willing to race him. Willowpaw was worried about him, had tried talking to him, but he had sent her away.

Rosepaw, too, was worried about him, and it almost looked like she was tempted to order him to rest. But she couldn't, not yet.

So, Redpaw trained harder.

His eyes burned and his paws ached and all the colors of the world looked too bright with every blink and his head was spinning and okay maybe this wasn't good-

He collapsed.

And he must have fallen asleep or whatever, because when he opened his eyes again, waking up from quite the dream of Flintstrike- inevitably- he was… underground?

That didn't seem right.

Redpaw tried raising himself from the floor, but his vision darkened and he felt like throwing up before realizing that this aching sensation in his stomach was hunger and not nausea. He took in a slow, woozy breath, and his mouth instantly began to water when the fresh scent of something caught his attention. He turned his blurry vision to find a dead rabbit by his side.

He pulled it to himself, ravenous, and began to devour it- losing all trace of modicum.

He forgot the last time he ate something.

"You know, typically, you should try and chew your food so you don't choke on it."

A familiar voice pricked at his ears and he turned his gaze to the side, cheeks full of food, and there, sitting as casual as ever and in a spot like she had always been there, Cinderpaw looked on with amusement.

She shrugged, "Or maybe that's just me. I don't know, you do you."

Redpaw swallowed, half-choking on the prey as she had predicted, and he surreptitiously coughed as best as he could to not draw too much concern or attention to himself. He wanted to continue meeting her gaze, slightly nervous being underground apparently, but his aching stomach and driving hunger made him continue eating, if a bit more controlled now.

"Sheesh, when was the last time you ate? I know I steal a lot of it, but is it really getting so bad now?"

She sounded mildly concerned by that possibility, but not overly so and he tried not to feel so offended about that.

Yet, even so, he paused, and it worried him that he had to think so hard about her first question.

When was the last time I ate?

He… couldn't remember.

Wait, what day was it?

Three days since Flintstrike-

"My father's dead," he found himself murmuring out loud, voice quivering, and it was the first time he ever said that out loud. The mouth-watering taste of the rabbit suddenly became sour and he definitely felt like throwing up now.

Cinderpaw didn't say anything immediately, he could feel her gaze on him.

She let out a weathered sigh.

"...If this is another plot to make me drop my guard-"

And that enraged him.

Golden-yellow exploded with wrath unlike any other, his teeth barring in her direction, slightly stained with blood from his meal, and he snarled.

"My father is dead!"

She froze and he gasped afterward, and there was a pressure on his chest that forced a whimper from his lips. His eyes stung, and with his next blink, tears began to fall and he forcefully pushed the half-eaten rabbit away from him, curling into himself and gritting his teeth, forcing the tears to stay where they belonged even as a sob threatened to bubble up in his throat.

"My father is dead…" he whispered in a small voice, aching and sorrowful.

He didn't start breaking down, and a part of him wondered why he didn't. (A Commoner was there, he was a Grand Royal apprentice. He had to keep it together.)

She didn't move particularly close to him, but she was still close enough in the small den for her to lay the tip of her tail against his leg, a frown pulling at her lips. Redpaw avoided her eyes, keeping his entire being tense to keep it together. He had to keep it together.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, and for some reason, it made him laugh.

A scowl formed at his lips, "Are you? You hate High Ranks, so why do you care if another one of them is dead?"

Cinderpaw flattened her ears at that, a slight flash of hurt sparking in her eyes before she let out another sigh. "I don't particularly like the High Ranks, no- but I know what it's like to lose a parent. So… sorry you had to join the club."

And he tried, he tried so hard to keep himself from crying. And though her words weren't particularly comforting or consoling… For some reason, it broke him.

A sob burst free from his chest and he curled into himself tighter, trying to stop it before it could fall apart, but it was a fruitless endeavor. He cried. He sobbed. He screamed and wailed and howled his anguish, and because they were underground, he didn't think anybody could hear them for miles.

Flintstrike was gone.

His father was dead. The father who had loved him so.

(He felt so, so guilty for wanting more out of them.)

(I take it back, I take it back- They're more than enough. They're enough, please, please give him back. Please please please please-)

Redpaw didn't know how long it took. When the world crumbles around you, time is nonexistent. Unimportant. Worthless.

Though time was trivial to him, it still ticked on. And despite how much of it passed, Cinderpaw remained there for whatever reason. She didn't step closer to him, didn't try to offer him comfort by physical touch, but her presence was enough to give him some peace of mind.

A Commoner comforting you.

How pathetic.

He ignored that voice because some things were more important at the moment. Like trying not to crumble to ash then and there. Redpaw trembled as if the harshest of Leaf-bare blizzards had trapped in a cyclone of pain and heartbreak, gasping for air because what little breath he managed to get was forced out in another sob and there were times where he was completely soundless.

It was exhausting.

Eventually, whether seconds or minutes or hours or days or seasons had passed, he calmed down. Slowly but surely, his sobs came less and less, leaving him some air to actually breathe normally every now and then. His trembles shifted from quaking tremors to occasional twitches. His eyes stung with every blink and his body felt heavy against the earth beneath him.

It was starting to get suffocating in here. He hated being underground.

He wanted to see the sky.

Golden-yellow turned to inspect every nook and cranny of the underground den, looking for the exit, and it was there- right beside where Cinderpaw sat. Sunset rays filtered inside through the grass covering the entrance, weak and dying as night slowly encroached upon the land. Redpaw moved toward it without warning, startling the Commoner and making her step aside abruptly, but he ignored her as he made his way out, pushing through the tunnel and shoving aside the leaf litter from the hole.

He took in air like he had been drowning, and maybe in some way, he had been.

(He was beneath the surface, the abyss and darkness trying to drag him down, and it had made considerable distance before he realized he was drowning and began to swim back to the surface. Out of the shadows and into the light.)

Fresh air never tasted so good, and there in the hollow of space where his grief had been welling up inside him, gone now that he had set it free, it eased the burning ache left behind by his father's death. His eyes drifted shut and he almost felt like crying all over again, the winds greeting him jovially, gently.

He was so tired.

Turns out, falling apart was a taxing process on the self.

A body brushed up against him as he swayed from side-to-side, like the long grass in the wind, and Redpaw was too fatigued to be frightened by this point. Peppermint and jasmine filtered through his senses and he glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Cinderpaw pressed up against him, keeping him from falling.

He wanted to thank her, but his tongue felt heavy, and she only gave him a saddened smile before nodding her head, and together, the two began walking.

One step in front of the other. That's all Redpaw could focus on at the moment.

His father was dead and the world had lost some of its colors, everything becoming just a little more muted, and he mourned the loss of that too. One step, two steps, three steps, four.

The winds were quite rejuvenating on his body, and he inhaled them greedily. The fresh smells of the beech forest, the crispness of the breeze, the peppermint and jasmine at his side. One step, two steps, three steps, four.

Flintstrike is dead. Flintstrike is dead.

Father…

I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

Realistically, he knew he shouldn't be blaming himself. He had been fighting alongside his rivals against the Grand Royal apprentices of Stormclan. It had been quite the bloody affair, and he felt like they would have lost if Willowpaw wasn't such a beast amongst them. She had been everywhere all at once, ducking and weaving between flashing claws and teeth as her own flew by in response- somehow managing to keep track of who was friend and who was foe in the chaos of it all.

(She had helped him against Cloudpaw, the two of them driving the white-furred tom away with quite the severe wound turning his snow pelt a stark crimson. The flash of fury in dark blue eyes had damn near scared Redpaw away, but he held his ground and turned to help the others.)

One step, two steps, three steps, four.

Flintstrike was dead.

And hopefully one day, he could learn to live with that fact. He would not become like his mother, though he hardly blamed her for wanting to give up entirely.

He didn't know what he would do if he ever lost the love of his life.

Redpaw blinked back to existence, still tired and barely managing to piece himself back together, but he was well enough to realize just where they were.

Heading right back to camp…

For some reason, he paused immediately upon registering that, and Cinderpaw damn near tripped over him in the process. She let out a surprised squeak in the back of her throat before turning to look at him with furrowed brows.

She eyed him for a moment before wrinkling her nose, quietly saying with just a little bit of her usual grandeur. "What's with that look?"

"I…" he swallowed when his voice cracked and tried again, looking off in the direction he knew camp was just over the next hill. "We're walking right into camp."

Cinderpaw followed his gaze and back again, tilting her head like he had just told her the strangest news in the world.

"Yeah…? So?"

His stomach coiled in discomfort and he huffed, glancing away from her with a sprinkling of shame in his stance. "I appreciate your… help… But don't give up your battle or protest or whatever for my sake."

She hummed in acknowledgment at that, and when he looked back at her, she was staring back in the direction camp was again. A million thoughts racing through her mind, but all of them came to one conclusion as she glanced over to him.

"Though it may seem like it, I'm not coming back because of you, Grand Royal," Cinderpaw huffed.

"You aren't?" It was his turn to raise a brow.

"Nope," she chirped, her smile tempering a bit and a gleam of pride in her eyes before she spoke. "Lead Royal Junipercloud came to me this morning. Told me that, though I may face punishment in order for the Grand Royal to save face… he has agreed to have a conversation with me to change a few things about the rules around meals and hunting and whatnot."

That… was surprising to hear. What was even more surprising was the fact that he was happier for her than he was disappointed in his leader for giving in.

"Are you sure this is not some sort of trick just to get you back?" He asked probably what she had asked herself countless times since hearing that.

"I mean, I can never be sure, but Junipercloud didn't seem like she was lying. I like to think I judged her correctly."

"She could have been," Redpaw shrugged, "Isn't that your belief? That all High Ranks are liars."

"Despite what it may seem, I don't hate all of the High Ranks," Cinderpaw glowered, eyes narrowing just the slightest. "It would be hypocritical of me to think all of them were exactly the same- considering that's what a lot of you think: a Low Rank is just a Low Rank. Well, I'm not like that. I know there are a few good ones within your lot, though they are overshadowed by the bad. The lead Royal is one of the good ones, so I trust her."

"If you say so…" Redpaw murmured, and for a second, he didn't entirely know why he felt worried for her. Perhaps because this meant that none of them won the challenge, therefore, it was just the same as losing. Again. (Or perhaps, he wanted to see just how far she would go.)

"I do say so," Cinderpaw nodded before walking forward again, taking the lead, and Redpaw quickly scrambled to keep up with her because he should not let a Commoner lead. He almost didn't care at all. His head hurt, his heart hurt, his whole body hurt. He just wanted to lie back down and go to sleep.

They crested the hill that would lead to camp, and before they could make it even halfway down, Cinderpaw paused in her steps and turned to him. He stopped as well, glancing back at her with a slightly raised brow, and she seemed to be debating with herself on something.

"Flinstrike," he flinched at that name and her eyes softened with sympathy before she continued, a slight smile to her lips. "He was one of the good ones… I'm sorry you lost him, Redpaw."

She was right.

Flintstrike was one of the good ones.

Perhaps the best of them all.

...And Redpaw had taken him for granted. Didn't appreciate him the way his father loved him in return.

I will make you proud, father.

He would become someone he considered worthy of that unconditional love.

Redpaw smiled in gratitude before they continued down the way.

Though the pain of losing his father was still fresh…

It wasn't as crippling as before.

It was tolerable.

"Whether in hate or in love, reverence or disgust.

We'll take it all. The good and the bad. The positive and the negative.

Because all we ever want is to be seen."

"Willowpaw, I think you're making a big mistake."

"Not you too."

"Associating yourself with Wildpaw of all-"

"Don't say it like he's some kind of psycho, Redpaw. You and I know what Wolfstorm does to him. Wildpaw is a victim in all of this, and I want to help him. I will help him."

Redpaw groaned to himself, blowing out a heated breath through clenched teeth and turning desperate eyes to his friend. Willowpaw was pacing in front of the log he was sitting on, clearly not content with simply sitting to have a conversation, and Redpaw almost felt like stepping off to join her.

When the she-cat had first come to him, needing to tell someone of the atrocities she had witnessed Wolfstorm do to his own son and their fellow apprentice or else it might have driven her insane, Redpaw's old fears of before rose up again and hissed at him like a snake ready to strike, venom dripping from bared fangs. He had immediately shushed her, dragging the two of them away to a secluded spot and away from any of the prying eyes always watching them.

And then she ranted. And he ranted. Both of them disgusted at the idea of a father hurting his own kit, his own flesh and blood. (Wolfstorm really should have taken some fatherly advice from Flinstrike.)

It was when he said, "There's nothing we can do," that their argument officially started.

Because she revealed to him that, yes, in fact, there was something she could do. Her and her alone.

But training Wildpaw? Spending time with him like this?

Now that- Redpaw could not get behind.

And thus, here they were.

"This isn't something you should step in on," Redpaw frowned, ears flat against his head and shoulders drooping. "I hate to say it, but this doesn't concern you or me or anybody else. It's a family matter. If it wasn't, don't you think Lionstar or anyone else would have done or said something already? Wolfstorm clearly doesn't try to hide the fact that he hurts Wildpaw."

"I can't just sit back and let one of my friends and my clanmate get hurt like that," Willowpaw huffed back in response, tail lashing behind her as her steps grew heavy, threatening. She looked like she wanted to march straight up to Wolfstorm right that instant and teach him a lesson.

"Right," Redpaw grumbled, scoffing a bit and rolling his eyes, "friend."

She paused at the way he said that word, turning those grey-green eyes to him and Redpaw would have flinched and backed down if he wasn't so concerned over her wellbeing.

Getting closer to Wildpaw only spelled trouble.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she raised a brow challengingly, "Why did you say it like that?"

"You know how I observe everybody," Redpaw narrowed his eyes down at her, "Don't think that I haven't seen the way you look at him."

"I feel like that's an extreme invasion of privacy."

"Don't change the subject," he stepped down from the log, not content with the idea of looking down at his friend while he spoke. "Willowpaw, please listen to me. Your… infatuation with him- nothing good will come from it. Wildpaw is not someone you should desire. He's too damaged, too harsh, too cynical. I thought it would pass when I first noticed it, but now you come and tell me you're doing this? Willowpaw, what are you doing?"

"First of all," he felt like he had crossed some kind of boundary and there was no turning back. She stepped closer to him, tone dropping in pitch with danger, eyes narrowing, and Redpaw felt a cold splash of fear douse some of the rising flames of anger. "You don't get a say in who I like or not like, okay? That is my decision, and I will like or not like whoever I desire. Do not tell me again who it is I should like."

He opened his mouth to apologize, but she wasn't done.

"Secondly," Willowpaw growled, "I am not doing this because I happen to like him like that. I could have thought he was the worst being in this entire world and still want to help him because nobody deserves what he goes through on a daily basis- and if I can help him get just a little stronger for him to defend himself, then that's what I'm going to do!"

Redpaw kept his mouth shut this time, the she-cat in front of him fuming and he couldn't seem to recall a time he had ever personally made her this angry before. Perhaps most of it wasn't directed toward him, perhaps she was just feeling powerless and angry in all of this and Redpaw was the closest one to release her anger on.

So, he grits his teeth and took her harsh words.

"And third," she calmed down a little, some of the anger in her eyes drifting to flickers of hurt, her ears drooping a bit. Her voice, too, tempered. "Don't talk to me as if I'm stupid, Redpaw. I know what I'm doing. I want to help, so I'm going to."

Redpaw let out a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry if that's how it sounded. I'm just worried about you. Wildpaw… all of his family… They don't sit right with me."

"I know," Willowpaw responded with a slow nod, "Nor with me. I just… I know it's not too late to help him. Swiftpaw… He's too stuck in his head. I want to help him too but… You're right. Wildpaw is damaged, and-"

"And you want to fix him?" Redpaw asked, a slight sting of bitterness in his words.

Willowpaw narrowed her eyes again. "I'm not trying to fix him. I want to give him the strength so he could do it on his own."

"This is dangerous," he repeated himself and it felt like they were talking in circles. Was this what arguments were like? "How far are you going to let this go?"

Grey-green eyes met golden-yellow and Redpaw knew there was no stopping her.

Willowpaw was a force of nature and he could only hope to weather the storm.

"As far as it needs to," she spoke as if in a vow, and the deed was done. "For as long as he needs me, he has me."

It almost felt like watching his friend damn herself to death and Redpaw didn't think he could handle losing her either. The sting of Flinstrike's death and Honeysky's… disappearance- his mother had just… left one day, vanishing from the Medicine Den as if she had never been there in the first place and nobody could find her afterward- was still too fresh.

He could not lose Willowpaw the same way.

But she seemed dead-set on helping the one she loved, no matter how deep beneath the abyssal ocean surface Wildpaw was. And he was only going ever deeper.

"Just… please be careful, Willowpaw," he stressed his words, stepping closer to pull her into an unexpected embrace, but she fell easily into it. He nuzzled into the top of her head and she- into his shoulder. A wordless apology was shared between the two of them. He murmured into her skin, "In trying to save him from the water… do not let yourself be dragged down with him."

"...I'm strong enough to swim against the currents, Redpaw," Willowpaw whispered into his shoulder, and he squeezed just a little tighter at that.

"You say that- but you won't know until there."

"..." She pulled away and it felt like losing her once again. She stepped back from his embrace, grey-green eyes meeting him and Redpaw gave a final plea in the form of a frown.

If she heard it, she ignored it.

"Thanks for the warning," she said before putting on the bravest smile she could muster. It almost worked, but he could see it. She was nervous too. "I promise I'll be okay."

It sounded like a lie.

She made a weak excuse to leave, something about checking in on Rosepaw and how she was faring, and Redpaw couldn't bring himself to try and make her stay and change her mind. It felt wrong, arguing her like that- but he was just concerned!

He stood up and walked off in a random direction, needing to move after that.

Wildpaw was not someone to willingly be around.

...How the scornful tom could get someone like Willowpaw to like him, Redpaw didn't understand.

Perhaps Willowpaw was attracted to damage.

He couldn't understand that. Liking someone to the point you would willingly put yourself in the way of danger just for them. He had loved his parents, and he was certain he would do just that for them, but for someone unrelated to him?

He would protect his clanmates, sure, with everything he had- but he didn't think he would do something like that just for them.

She's going to get herself killed.

Wildpaw would drag her right down with him, and he would use her as leverage to try and escape the darkness, pushing her even farther so he could get to the light. Starved as he was for it.

There was something not right about Wildpaw. Something that Redpaw couldn't quite place. The sudden attention he had been giving to Willowpaw in return, talking more with her.

And maybe Wildpaw just liked her as well… But still, something didn't seem right about it. Redpaw couldn't quite understand it though.

...Maybe he shouldn't be concerned about his clanmates' love lives.

Or maybe he should, when those love lives entailed something as life-threatening as this.

Redpaw grunted in frustration, bursting through the next bush and immediately stumbling over himself to avoid running into someone.

"We really got to stop meeting like this."

That voice…

His eyes lifted and met icy blue, peppermint and jasmine clinging to his senses and easing some of the anger. But not completely.

Cinderpaw furrowed her brow at him, "What's got you looking like-"

"What is love?"

"Sheesh, don't hurt me now," a playful smile flickered across her lips as she raised a pacifying paw, and he must have spoken harsher than he intended, frustration still sparking within his chest and rising up his throat. Cinderpaw took in a small breath, "I didn't know we were gonna have a deep conversation today. I would have come prepared."

"Sorry," he mumbled, letting out a heavy sigh and hoping that would expel some of his frustrations. It worked a little. "I just… I'm thinking."

"Clearly," Cinderpaw chuckled before jerking her head, "Walk with me. We'll talk."

"Talk?"

"Yes, talk." And her little smirk was much more pleased than it should have been when she said, "The thing that normal cats do to learn more about each other instead of having a shouting match."

And despite himself, despite his concerns and irritations with Willowpaw's situation, he couldn't stop himself from snorting in laughter. Cinderpaw's eyes gleamed with slight victory before she turned, moving down a path not created, and Redpaw found himself following.

"So, your question?"

"You are really going to make me say it again?" Redpaw wrinkled his nose, "That's embarrassing."

"I live for embarrassing High Ranks. I thought you knew this."

He was starting to think this was a mistake, but still, he found himself repeating in a grumble, "What is love? And why does it make you do stupid things?"

"I don't think it's love that makes someone stupid. Some are just born stupid."

"You're not helping."

"I am avoiding the question on purpose," Cinderpaw said matter-of-factly, unashamed, shrugging before eventually saying, "How am I supposed to know? I'm not all-knowing."

"You've never been in love?"

"Wow, so bold. Grand Royal Redpaw, you'll make me flustered."

"Look, if you're just going to tease me, I'm going to walk the other way."

"And take my entertainment away? That's incredibly cruel of you."

Redpaw immediately swerved to the side, and Cinderpaw cackled behind him before she trotted to keep pace. A smile threatened to curl at the corner of his lips, and he quite liked it. This easy feeling of just laughing with someone.

Ever since her return, the two had occasionally stumbled into each other- and from time-to-time, they would indeed start a race. Of course, Cinderpaw won each of them, but it was still fun. Despite their ranks, he quite enjoyed her company, and it was nice having a friend who wasn't also his rival.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're just so easy to tease."

"You're not sorry."

"You're right, I'm not," Cinderpaw snickered.

"Are you going to answer the question or not?"

"I already said I don't know how to answer it," she stated before adding in a more serious tone, the teasing atmosphere tempering a bit as she answered honestly. Her eyes lifted to trail the branches overhead and she hummed to herself. "I've never felt any desire to be with someone in that nature."

He glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, bumping her shoulder with his.

"No toms catching your eye?"

"Nor she-cats. Or anybody else really"

"Perhaps you just haven't found the right one?"

"Tch." She snorted, rolling her eyes, "I've met everybody… and nobody like that exists. And honestly, they never will. Trust me when I say I've thought about it, truly have- because everybody else has forced me. To try and imagine a future family or whatever. And when I picture a future, I don't see kits. Maybe a mate, but even still, would it be so bad if there isn't? Why do I have to be with somebody?"

Redpaw hummed at those words, contemplating them, and honestly, he couldn't quite find an answer for that. After all, mate could really just be another name for someone closer than a best friend.

A partner.

"What of your talk of the next generation though?" Redpaw brought up, "Don't you want to leave behind some sort of legacy."

Cinderpaw chuckled. "I'll fight for the next generation, but that doesn't mean I have to be a part of it through my hypothetical kits. My legacy can live and continue even without an offspring."

"I… suppose…"

"You don't agree."

"No, no, I just… Never thought about it that way," Redpaw admitted, "I've always been told that you have to keep the generations going or whatever. Having kits just fit in that perfect family everybody says exists."

"On that note, why is it always kit-making with everybody?" Cinderpaw grimaced, "Why can't having a theoretical mate just mean having someone you could count on, have open conversations with, that could also include cuddling up from time to time? Now that, that sounds like a dream. I could get behind that one."

He laughed softly at her words, "So, will you never have kits?"

"I mean… If my hypothetical-"

"That must be your favorite word."

"Hush, it's a good word," Cinderpaw sent a playful smile his way before continuing, "If my hypothetical mate really wants to- tom, she-cat, or anybody in between or beyond those… then maybe? I don't know. I'm not super down with the idea, but if it's something they want and I love them enough… Then sure."

Everything was so casual and flippant with her. No matter the topic, she seemed to handle it with a carefreeness that made him feel as though she truly didn't think about the question at hand. But she did, she had proven over and over she wasn't so naive and ignorant as others thought her to be.

"Let's make this a little difficult then," Redpaw hummed to himself, and she perked up at the idea of a challenge. He thought for a moment before his own eyes gleamed playfully and he brought them to a stop, presenting his supposed trial with a flourish. "Humor me for a moment."

"You are quite humorous."

"What if you envision a future with me?"

Cinderpaw blinked at his words, brows raising- most likely in surprise at his brashness. Redpaw couldn't quite help himself, however. Talking with her was so easy, she didn't judge him. He didn't have to keep up professional appearances with her because she was as unprofessional as unprofessional came.

"With you?" He couldn't tell if she was more surprised or impressed by his bold suggestion.

"Yes. Consider this a thought exercise," he nodded, before settling his eyes on her, shrugging. Hey, if she could be casual, then so could Redpaw. "Let's say we were mates, and one day, I randomly came up to you and told you I wanted kits."

"Sorry bud, you'd have to get some from someone else."

By the teasing smirk on his face, Redpaw knew she was only joking. He glowered a bit, pouting a little, and he shook his head in mild amusement.

"Really?"

She was laughing. "You make it so easy!"

"You are such a brat!"

"Wow, is that how you talk to your thought exercise mate?" Cinderpaw put a paw to her chest, tilting her head back dramatically. "I am insulted. I want a separation."

"Be serious for once."

"I'm allergic to being serious."

"For just five minutes?"

"My record is three and a half."

Redpaw didn't know what he was expecting, really. She looked incredibly pleased with herself, and he could only fight back the smile for a few seconds longer before it broke free, along with his laughter. Restrained as it was, and Cinderpaw let out a quiet cheer at that.

For some reason, she was always trying to get him to laugh- saw it as a personal mission of hers to get at least everybody to smile or laugh at least once.

"Will you complete the thought exercise at least?"

"I forgot what it was."

"If we were mates and I told you I wanted kits, what would you do?"

"First off, you could never." Cinderpaw pointed out, "Mister Grand Royal. Being mates and wanting kits with a Commoner. Scandalous."

"I thought you didn't obey clan rules?" Redpaw huffed quietly.

"Oh, I don't. They're stupid," she reached over, batting him on the nose with her paw and he wrinkled it in response. "It's you goody-goody that does. You don't have the guts."

Redpaw scoffed but didn't say anything to defend himself. She wasn't too far from the truth, after all.

"Just answer the question."

"Okay, okay," Cinderpaw groaned before sitting back against her haunches, taking a few seconds to think to herself, glancing around as if she'd find the answer within the territory itself. Icy blue flicked back to him for a second. "Hypothetical."

"Purely hypothetical," Redstar agreed, a twitch of his lips appearing, "it's your favorite word after all. Use it to imagine a future with me. Of us."

Cinderpaw didn't rise to the bait of his tease again, and instead, she remained quiet. Her moments of complete silence were perhaps his only indication that she was indeed thinking deeply on whatever matter was presented to her. She stared off into space, head tilting this way and that every now and then, and he gave her that time.

And then, she suddenly wrinkled her nose in a grimace, and he scowled in response.

"What is that face?" he pointed out immediately, and her vision focused on him again and she laughed.

"Nothing! Nothing."

"It must be something to have such a serious reaction like that."

"Nope," Cinderpaw continued laughing, but she didn't explain. A few seconds more of thinking, and she turned to him with a silent hum. He decided to let it go. "Well, for starters, if we were mates and that particular open and honest conversation of having potential kits came up- I would first and foremost ask you to respect my decisions."

"Of course," he agreed with a nod.

"If I said I didn't want any, would you be okay with that?" she questioned him, raising a slightly challenging brow. "You wouldn't force me or try your damndest to 'change my mind' or whatever?"

"I would never!"

She hummed uncertainty and Redpaw scowled even more.

"Do you honestly think I'm like that?"

"I don't know, you're not the worst tom in the world, but you never know."

"Well, I wouldn't. I am very respectful."

"Respectful cats normally don't have to say they're respectful."

"I vow on my entire rank and being that I would respect your wishes if it ever came to that."

Cinderpaw didn't miss a beat before she said, "That's a weak vow. Especially when you know ranks mean nothing to me."

Redpaw sighed and he was starting to regret this thought exercise entirely. He glanced away from her for a moment, searching for something that would be valuable and worthy to her that she would believe.

Something…

"I vow… on my own self-worth?"

Because if there was one thing Cinderpaw deemed important, it was a cat's own self-worth. Her own was strong and steady, and he didn't know how she ever came to be so confident and comfortable with herself. Now, she vowed to help others realize their own worth.

They had many disagreements and conversations about that.

She smiled, a genuine thing this time, and she nodded proudly at him. "Now you're starting to get it, thought exercise mate."

Redpaw huffed a quiet laugh before grumbling to himself, "Although, that's probably also a weak vow."

Silence. And he was about to take it all back because he had been joking- mostly, he was still trying to grow comfortable with himself- and he didn't feel like getting in another argument with another one of his friends.

He lifted his eyes and found her smiling much too brightly.

"...Was that a joke?" she spoke slowly, a tease in her voice, and he braced himself, "By the stars, I have done it. I have broken the stiff, no-nonsense Redpaw and he'll be cracking jokes left and right before anyone knows it. I am a deity. I can die happy now."

He burst out laughing before he could help himself, and really, he didn't even try too hard to hide it. She joined him quickly after, padding over to bump his shoulder, a proud smile to her lips and he wondered if it really made her that happy for him to joke around like that.

In the end, she never really answered his question, and he realized too late that was probably what she was trying to do. She always disliked talking about things like kits or intimacy or mates or the future, he was just surprised she had humored him for as long as she did.

He was starting to think that wasn't such a bad thing though.

Talking with Cinderpaw lifted some of the pain and the worry over Willowpaw, and he felt like he could stand a little taller after it.

"...But is it not enough to look at your own reflection to satisfy that desire? To look at ourselves and feel seen?

Why must it come from the number of eyes set upon you?"

The rogues came out of nowhere.

They had already lost Wasppaw to them, and Redpaw was only growing more and more worried by the day.

As such, it was only obvious for them to instill a new protocol and Lionstar had shared his concerns with the rest of the clan. Publicly, at least. Internally, Redpaw didn't doubt that the Grand Royal was fuming and wanted these rogues captured.

That much was obvious when nobody really paid attention to the new 'protocols.'

And that's not to say Redpaw blatantly ignored them either. He did, much better than the others at the very least. He cut out his usual time walking the forest, either alone or with Cinderpaw, and didn't go out as often as he used to. This, of course, aggravated him and he felt like he was going a little stir crazy.

So, defeating the purpose entirely- yes, he was aware how idiotic it would be later- Redpaw went out hunting more and more often.

Either for any trace of the rogues or actual prey, both would have been fine.

(It reminded him of when he had been tracking Cinderpaw what feels like so long ago, and he didn't know how it was possible to go through this for the second time in his life.)

And on one particularly cloudy day, he found something.

...Well…

It was perhaps more accurate to say that something found him.

As before, the rogues came out of nowhere- only one this time. Descending from the shadows in a white blur, Redpaw could hardly register what was happening before sparks of pain shot down his back from raking claws and he tore himself away from that grasp. A scream lodged itself in his throat, combined with the rumbling growl within his chest, and he whipped around to face his opponent.

Light blue eyes, pale in the dim light, across a backdrop of white splashed with black. Their fur was stained with traces of brown from the loose earth, and if Redpaw looked closely enough, he thought he could see splotches of rust from unwashed blood.

Or maybe, that was just his blood now- and the sight of his blood on black paws made something within him rear its ugly head and howl for all to hear.

"Encounter a rogue and defeat them. Keep them alive if you can, but kill them if you must."

Lionstar never said don't make them bleed, and Redpaw was feeling just the slightest bit vengeful at the moment. The slashes across his back, down his ribs, throbbed with a heartbeat of anguish of their own and he gritted his teeth, his own heart matching its rapid tempo.

He was fast, and apparently, the rogue hadn't been expecting that. Those light blue eyes widened in surprise as Redpaw darted forward, clearing the short distance between the two in an instant, and the intruder could do nothing to block or dodge as the Grand Royal apprentice sliced his claws upward, opening a clean line on the other's chest.

The rogue stumbled back, a slight grunt sounding from his lips, but the pain didn't deter him. Redpaw swung again, but his opponent was ready for him this time, batting his paws down so they could land uselessly on the dirt and throw him off-balance, bringing those claws up afterward to latch to the back of Redpaw's head and dragging him forward.

Redpaw caught himself before he could face-plant, growling from the sensation of feeling his own blood drip down his neck, and he lunged forward, closer to the other tom, his teeth meeting the firm muscle of the rogue's shoulder. The stranger hissed this time, shoving him away and stumbling back, eyes flashing with pain and aggravation.

That was fine, Redpaw was mad too.

He charged forward, running along the side of the other tom and managing to drag his claws along the other's flank before the rogue shifted to face him directly. That didn't matter, because Redpaw relied on his speed, and by that point, he was already moving to the opposite side of the rogue, trying to do the same thing there.

The rogue leaped backward, creating some distance. Trying to, at least. Because Redpaw was relentless and he was much too fast, keeping up the pace and forcing the rogue to continuously step away.

And though he was fast, the rogue wasn't too slow either. Redpaw could feel nicks and slashes opening on his own skin; shoulders, back, ribs, one across his cheek, another dangerously close to his throat. A warbled growl left the rogue's mouth, frustration shining in paling eyes, and all of a sudden, Redpaw found himself on his side, momentum screeching to a halt and making him winded from the impact of being thrown and tackled.

He didn't have the air to scream his pain, but he sure felt it. Claws dug into his side, at his ribcage, as if trying to penetrate through the barrier to stab directly into his heart. Though he tried to twist and turn and find some sort of vantage to knock the rogue away, the undergrowth he had landed in was betraying him for once and trapping his own movements as well.

Golden-yellow turned upward to the face of the rogue, a picture of stony stillness and haunting emptiness that should never be on a killer's face. Redpaw wondered if this was the one who had murdered Wasppaw…

And then he began to wonder if he was next…

Huh.

This isn't how I expected to go.

This isn't how he wanted to go, but he supposed that nobody ever got to choose how they died.

Every instinct was encouraging him to keep trying, to keep fighting.

But he closed his eyes and saw his father's smile, his mother's shining eyes, and he didn't know if it should concern him or not that they were so inviting.

I promised to live for you two.

I promised I would become something worthy.

Had he done it?

He didn't think so.

But again, you never got to decide when and how to die.

Redpaw closed his eyes and waited for the strike that would steal the life away from him, but… It never came.

It never came, and all of a sudden, the weight was lifted off of him, and he could hear the rogue let out a startled growl. Redpaw's eyes flew open immediately, turning his head in the direction of the sound, and his eyes only widened.

Someone was now wrestling with the rogue, having tackled them off of him. Well… trying to, at least, because upon closer inspection and blinking away the tears he didn't know had appeared, his heart stuttered to a stop. His heart stopped, but the beating of his wounds didn't.

Stupid, stupid Commoner!

Cinderpaw was there, and though she had no doubt made quite the dramatic entrance, she was a Commoner. Low Ranks were the weakest of the clan, not adept at fighting such difficult opponents, and it was showing.

The rogue was hardly getting damaged by her, and though her own blood was the only one spilling, she did happen to dodge a few of the hits and why are you just watching?

She's going to get herself killed!

No matter how many times the rogue knocked her down, Cinderpaw somehow found the strength to stand back up, and Redpaw could not watch her get hurt any longer.

He shifted to his paws, body aching with agony and wishing for it all to stop, and he forced the desire away because his friend was in danger and there were more important things to do. Like protecting Cinderpaw.

He ran, keeping low to the ground as to not gain any attention from the rogue, and for once he was grateful that his pelt was red because it blended in a bit with the surrounding red undergrowth. Plants and flowers and roots of crimson aiding him in his stealth.

Cinderpaw stumbled back, right in his direction, but that was fine. He leaped over her, and only then did the rogue spot him, light blue eyes darting up and shining with a hint of dread before Redpaw collided with him.

They rolled across the ground, Redpaw coming out on top and planting his claws around the rogue's throat before he was subsequently kicked off a few seconds later. His belly ached and he had never felt this winded before, but he mustered as much air as he could to snarl in the rogue's direction.

The white-furred tom was scrambling to his paws, looking as though he was debating on whether or not to keep fighting and try and kill one of them or call it quits and try another time. He didn't get the time, however, before Cinderpaw was on him again, her claws successfully slicing down his face but acting more as a distraction than anything.

Distraction…

Right.

That was her role in battle. To take away some of the heat, to deal with some of the fire, so someone stronger than her could either take that time to recover or to deliver a devastating blow

Huh.

Maybe Commoners and High Ranks could work well in battle.

Redpaw came running up beside her, keeping up the attacks by wrenching his claws across the tom's muzzle, and the rogue seemed to decide that this wasn't worth it anymore. The stranger hissed at them, backing away even more, before spitting in irritation and turning to run off in a random direction. (Away from camp, Redpaw would realize later, and he didn't know how to feel about outsiders seemingly knowing his territory like that.)

The Grand Royal apprentice was about to make chase after him, he could feel it in his bones, the desire- the need to catch the intruder and turn him in soaring through his veins with the adrenaline of it all.

But for whatever purpose, he didn't, and instead, he immediately turned to face Cinderpaw and- oh. That was his reason.

"Would you look at that…" he did not like how breathlessly she spoke, voice strained, yet still trying to be her usual playful self. "A Grand Royal needing a Commoner's help. That is such a boost to my ego, thanks for that."

"Cinderpaw, you're hurt!" Redpaw's voice was twisted with panic, seeing so much red on her pelt that didn't belong. Seeing the way her body swayed and damn near fell and he dove forward wordlessly to keep her standing, holding her up.

"Yeah, so are you. Look at that, we're both a little banged up. We're twins!"

"This is not the time to make jokes!" He shouted incredulously, staring at her in complete disbelief. "How can you make jokes?"

"I think I'm in shock," Cinderpaw swallowed thickly before letting out a ragged laugh, "Damn, it is not fun to feel yourself bleed like this. High Ranks find fighting enjoyable?"

"Here, let me carry you and-"

"Like fox dung, I will." And that stupid, stubborn she-cat pushed away from him then, staggering in the direction where camp was a far distance away. Redpaw reared back, bewildered and put off by her reaction to his help. "I can walk, thank you very much."

"Cinderpaw, one stray breeze and you'll fall."

"Then I'll get back up. Now, I am not having a fun time here, so can we go before I pass out?"

"Just let me carry you! We'll go faster," he trotted up to her side, ignoring the way his own wounds smarted, blinking away the slight dizziness that wanted to take hold of his vision. "Stop being stubborn. You'll die if you don't get treated fast enough."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Cinderpaw!"

"Listen to me," they paused for a moment and he felt like they were wasting valuable time, but the intensity in her eyes made him freeze up, ears falling flat in concern. "I am not going to die like this. I refuse. Therefore, I won't."

"You can't just deny death!"

"Yeah, you can! You just look death in the face and say 'no' and be on your merry way, now let's go!"

Stars he could never understand her logic. No, it wasn't logic! It was complete and utter nonsense and obstinate pride.

The danger was gone, but a new one had arrived, and despite everything within him telling him to just ignore her wishes and pick her up regardless- he didn't. He glowered and grumbled, but didn't do what he wanted, and instead, Redpaw walked carefully close to her side.

"You can't just deny death," he repeated in a lower tone, ears flat against his head and not liking the way her breathing was ragged. He had never heard her so worn before. Even with their countless races and chases, no matter how far or how fast or how long they ran, she never seemed to get winded by it.

I can't lose you too.

Honeysky and Flintstrike were enough losses already.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, letting out a short-winded chuckle, before speaking in a softer voice, "Maybe not completely. But when my time comes, I will decide how I go. This is not how I'm going."

"Stars, you're stubborn," he murmured without any heat and only the cold chill of concern.

"Stubborn enough for death to take one look at me and think better," Cinderpaw smiled to herself as if she was discussing an old friend. "They've tried before, and I've always sent them running."

Redpaw didn't quite believe her, but he just had to take her word for it. (He also didn't want to know when she was apparently close to death before.)

So, together, they walked. Slowly but surely, staggering now and then and leaning on each other more often than not. Redpaw was hurt too, sure, but not as bad as her and maybe it was just lingering adrenaline or raging worry that made his pain seem so detrimental to hers.

At last, after what felt like much too long for his liking, camp was within sight, and in a matter of moments, they were walking through the front entrance.

Eyes immediately turned to them, but Redpaw ignored them, looking around for the lead Royal and shouting, "One of the rogues was out there. Straight from the entrance of camp past four hills. They ran off, but hopefully, their scent should still be nearby to track."

Junipercloud didn't need further prompting, turning to leave on her own without a care in the world. He didn't worry, and nobody tried to stop her. If anybody could handle themselves alone out there, it was Junipercloud and Lionstar.

The whispers started when they were halfway toward the Medicine Den, and Redpaw didn't know why he focused on them. He had grown up surrounded by whispers, was used to them by now. But, he did, and he didn't like what he heard.

A few were about him and his injuries, sure. Disappointed that Redpaw couldn't fend for his own.

But a majority were about him helping a Commoner walk- completely ignoring the fact that she was heavily injured, and just on the fact that a Grand Royal apprentice should never let a Low Rank touch them like that.

Oh did it drive him mad, and he was just about to stop and spit and snarl at all of them, but he didn't.

"Well if it isn't the fraud," Redpaw actually did growl this time, especially when Swiftpaw pointedly stood in the path of the two, blocking their approach to the Medicine Den. A wicked curl was to the tom's lips, arrogant green eyes like poison wishing to kill him slowly. He never seemed to let Redpaw's inter-rank status go, despite everybody else seemingly forgetting it now that both of his parents were gone. And though Redpaw was used to it, he only stiffened when those eyes drifted away from him and to Cinderpaw at his side and back again. "What's this? Are you so weak you needed help from a Commoner? That's embarrassing."

Swiftpaw stepped closer and Redpaw let his growl rumble alive in his chest, but it didn't do anything to deter the other tom. The arrogant one leaned forward a bit, smile sharp enough to stab him. "Did you need saving from the big bad rogues?"

Redpaw opened his mouth, ready to tear Swiftpaw apart with his words, but Cinderpaw seemed to have had enough of this too. (She was the one bleeding more than he after all.)

"As a matter of fact, he helped me," she spoke in that casual way she always did, the tone of voice that made Redpaw feel so disarmed, and both Grand Royal apprentices turned to look at her. She didn't even seem bothered by her wounds anymore, holding herself a little steadier, the breathlessness of before vanishing into thin air like it never existed in the first place. Icy blue met venomous green and Redpaw wanted to know what his rival was feeling, witnessing a Commoner so unabashedly meeting his gaze without apology. She shrugged and spoke rather unconvincingly, "You know me, Commoner and all. Always need saving we do. Now, could you step aside? The rogue did a real number on me before this one here sent him running. Whoo wee, you should've seen the look on his face. Absolutely priceless."

And without further prompting, she began walking forward without his assistance, her shoulder bumping into Swiftpaw's as she forced her way past him and Redpaw wanted to burst out in laughter at the stupefied expression on the light grey tom's face. The red-furred tom knew from experience that Swiftpaw had never had a Commoner talk to him in such a way, nor anyone else for that matter. He seemed like he didn't know what to do with himself, and before Redpaw could give him the chance to collect his thoughts, he trailed after Cinderpaw and into the Medicine Den.

The Commoner she-cat was already sitting in one of the nests, shoulders hunched and breathing as evenly as she could, all of whatever that had been disappearing like a lifted veil. An act. She was good at those. Rosepaw was already fluttering around her, taking note of the wounds that needed the most attention.

Redpaw wanted to talk to her, thank her for what she did but… He couldn't. Not here. Not in camp.

Here, they were meant to be strangers. A Grand Royal apprentice and a Commoner.

Their paths were never meant to intertwine like they already had.

Pretend. He was apparently good at that. And so, he took in a breath, sharing a nod with Oatwhisker as the aging Medicine Cat told him to follow to Redpaw's personal den to get checked on, and began walking past her.

But temptation was a powerful factor, and he could not stop his eyes trailing over to Cinderpaw's icy blue.

She caught sight of him and then-

She winked.

And went back to ignoring him like he was supposed to be ignoring her. The only evidence of what she had done was the slightest curl to her lips and Redpaw's sudden breathlessness. He walked by her, entering the pathway that would lead to the tunnels and his personal den.

His heart skipped a beat and it confused him. Maybe it was out of sheer relief because she was safe now. Out of harm's way- and then that thought just made him wonder why he had been so worried about her. Sure, she was his friend, and he would hate for his friends to get hurt and killed if he could help it.

But this felt different.

Overwhelming fondness that made every wound in his body seem painless. Light shone brightly within his chest and filled him with a warmth unlike any other. Her brash attitude and carefree nature was just another thing he liked about her and-

Oh.

His eyes widened and he felt like he was choking on air.

...I like her…

Well.

That wasn't good.

"How is it just for anyone to decide what you are worth?

Why have we conditioned ourselves to crave that attention?"

It was a week later that Swiftpaw died- right before the final trials.

Redpaw… didn't know how to feel about that. It didn't entirely feel real, to be honest. He was always expecting for the tom to pop by and insult him as usual. He never did, and Wolfstorm had become something even more spiteful against the world, but he seemed to be taking it out on Wildpaw instead.

It was down to the three of them: Redpaw, Willowpaw, and Wildpaw.

Honestly, Redpaw didn't know how he was still in the running. He still tried his hardest in everything, undoubtedly so, but he didn't entirely feel like he deserved to be where he was.

Cinderpaw- now named Cinderfrost about a moon earlier- would be disappointed that his self-worth was so low again.

He just couldn't help himself!

His test was tomorrow and he was having so many doubts and-

He was avoiding her. Very obviously.

Ever since finding out that he… liked her- stars he could hardly admit it to himself- Redpaw decided that the best course of action would be to ignore her existence entirely. Because this was dangerous, these emotions. Especially for someone like him, like them. A Grand Royal apprentice could never be with a Commoner. A Grand Royal could never be with anyone for that matter, and if he failed and became just a Royal, well...

A High Rank could not pursue a relationship with a Low Rank.

So, he was avoiding her, and not being able to talk with anybody- because Willowpaw had been dealing with her own things as of late, like almost dying to the rogues a while ago and she seemed to be contemplating something all the time- was driving him crazy.

He could not like Cinderfrost.

It's unbecoming. And even if he didn't care about that- the rest of the clan did.

What if we just ran away from it all? He sighed, tilting his head up toward the sky and the twinkling stars. At dawn, his assessment would start, and he should be sleeping right now, but his thoughts were racing. (At night, she could not run into him. Commoners weren't allowed out of camp.)

He played with the idea a little. Of the two of them just running off into the wild to be together… but then, that was assuming a lot of things he shouldn't assume. Like Cinderfrost liking him back, or Cinderfrost wanting to leave in the first place.

She already said a while ago that she would never. She had something to fight for here and she would not give up that fight just for him…

"Wow, I become a warrior and I don't even get a congratulations from my friend."

Oh no.

Redpaw jumped and turned his eyes to the side and- yep. Just as he feared. Cinderfrost was there in all her glory, glancing around the clearing with absentminded focus before icy blue captured him completely. She gave a one-shoulder shrug.

"Can't say that doesn't hurt a little, but really?"

"You… Commoners aren't… allowed outside at night," he murmured stupidly and Cinderfrost let out a short laugh at that, shaking her head before suddenly walking closer to him and Redpaw was too frozen in place to even consider moving.

"Yet another stupid rule I refuse to follow. Come on, keep up."

He remained quiet as she approached, the she-cat letting out a sigh as she all but threw herself into the grass, stretching this way and that with an unflatteringly wide yawn (that he somehow found adorable), wincing occasionally. Apparently, the scars she had from the rogue attack still liked to fester every now and then, pulling and pinching at skin that aggravated her.

When she stopped in the thrashing she liked to call stretching, she layed on the grass and looked up at him, a displeased frown appearing on her lips as she let out a slow breath.

"Now, wanna tell me why you're avoiding me? I can guess if that makes it easier. I know your final trial is tomorrow- good luck on that by the way- and maybe you're too ashamed to associate yourself with me any longer."

"Wha- No!" Redpaw immediately killed that idea before it could blossom, cutting the roots of it and tossing it aside. "Yes, my final trial is tomorrow, thank you, but that's not- I'm not ashamed of you, Cinderfrost."

"Hey, you know my new name. Was starting to wonder if you didn't."

"It's… a lovely name."

"The 'frost' part of it comes from my mother," she gave a small smile, eyes turning wistful for a moment before admitting, "I suppose the Grand Royal isn't all bad. That was rather sweet of him."

"It was."

"Now, stop trying to change the subject," she rolled to rest on her belly, lifting her head and staring directly at him. "If you aren't avoiding me because you're ashamed, then why?"

"I…" Redpaw's ears flattened uncomfortably, but if he knew Cinderfrost- which he liked to think he did- then he knew she was never going to let this go. She'd keep pestering him and pestering him, and if he still managed to keep it to himself, then maybe she would leave him alone for good.

She was tenacious- and annoying- like that. Redpaw sighed to himself.

He hadn't been expecting to actually confess, but it seems like the world didn't care about what he wanted.

So, gathering his courage, Redpaw took in a deep breath;

"I… I like you."

"Yeah, I like you too."

Golden-yellow darted up much too quickly than he would have admitted, sparking with hope and surprise and- oh. She didn't understand him. Darn. Now he had to explain and that only made him even more embarrassed.

"No, not- I meant…" he swallowed thickly before murmuring, just loud enough for her to hear so he wouldn't have to repeat himself, "romantically."

"Oh…" she said before his words seemed to catch up to her, and her eyes widened, "Oh!"

Redpaw couldn't look at her face, turning his eyes toward the ground and wishing that it would swallow him whole. A whine wanted to escape his lips, but he would never allow it to leave. Beneath his breath, he grumbled for the world to hear, "Kill me now," but it didn't listen. Unfortunately.

"That's not something you hear every day," Cinderfrost spoke, mostly to herself it seemed before the two went quiet and her silence dragged his eyes back to her. A blank expression was on her face and Redpaw shuffled his paws awkwardly.

The seconds ticked by and it was driving him crazy, this silence.

"Can you please say something?" he most definitely did not whine. (He kind of did.)

And as the epitome of maturity, she of course said, "Something."

"Cinderfrost," he groaned. He should not have expected less, the Commoner was always prone to making jokes at any opportunity.

"Sorry!" In her defense, she really did sound apologetic before she grumbled, "I joke when something makes me nervous."

His ears perked a little, a slight twitch to his lips as he asked, "I make you nervous?"

He didn't know whether to feel offended or not when she let out a small snort, waving her paw in the air between them, "More like this kind of conversation makes me nervous, but sure, let's go with that."

Redpaw sighed again, wishing to take it all back. "This is going great- Look, just, forget I said anything, okay?"

And as she had done time and time again without fail, Cinderfrost would never let an opportunity to tease him slip from her paws.

"And forget your adorably flustered expression? Absolutely not."

"Please stop," he begged a little and wondered that if he ran away now, would she follow- and if she did, would she catch him? (Most definitely, he could never outrun her.)

"Oh; I am never letting this go. It's my obligation."

"I take it back, you're the worst."

"And you like me~" she sang and Redpaw gave her the best glare he could give her at the moment. It was an adorable attempt, really.

"Beyond me why," he said instead of trying to deny it, and that seemed to soften her a little as she let out a quiet laugh.

"Beyond me too, but hey, that's nice. Never expected a confession out of anyone really, least of all you."

Redpaw stared at her for a few seconds, picking up on the way her eyes only passed by him instead of stared straight at him. He wondered if she really was that nervous and uncomfortable, and he felt a little guilty for that.

"I feel like you're avoiding something here."

"Look," Cinderfrost finally met his gaze head-on, a slight wrinkle to her nose, "you already know how I feel about… all that."

"How romantic," it was his turn to tease, "I'm a that."

"I really don't know what you want me to say," she said honestly, and if anything, he liked that about her too. How she was never afraid to say what was on her mind, her own opinions on any one matter. Complete truth, even if it hurt to hear. She grimaced, "You've put me in an awkward position here."

"I thought you lived off of embarrassing moments."

"I live off of the embarrassing moments of others, not my own… And now you're making me re-evaluate that."

"I've done the impossible it seems."

Maybe there was something going on with her penchant for making jokes because now that he started them too, it made this whole thing so much easier to deal with. An intended serious conversation that held just the right amount of tension, but also, alleviation.

"Look, I-" she cut herself and let out a frustrated breath before looking directly at him, unflinching now. "Okay. We're already best friends. At least, I consider you my best friend." She paused before adding, "Maybe my only friend, but I digress. Anyway, answer me this; What would being… more… entail? What would make this different?"

She motioned to the both of them and Redpaw felt his pelt warming up with embarrassment.

He grumbled reluctantly, "I don't know. I've never felt this way before, in case you didn't notice."

"Thought exercise!" Cinderfrost all but shouted and Redpaw sighed. They had plenty of those, giving each other hypothetical situations and making them truly think about the matter at hand, whatever the topic. Silly or serious and everything in between. "You got a brain, use it."

"I mean…" he mumbled, wondering if it was possible to die from embarrassment. "There'd be more… touching? Affection?"

"Gross, get it away."

"Okay, if you're just gonna make jokes I'm gonna leave."

"Hey, no- okay," she stood up quickly, stopping him from turning away and sitting back down, directly in front of him. "I'm sorry. I'll stop. I meant it, I make jokes when I'm nervous and I never expected to be having this kind of conversation with you."

"Me either," he groused quietly.

"Guess we're both surprised," she gave him a reassuring smile before speaking, "Okay, just… I just don't want to lie to you and say I feel the same way- because I don't even know how you're feeling!... And the thought of super close touching and intimacy weirds me out."

He relented with a sigh, giving her an apologetic look that she accepted with a small, thankful nod. He should have expected as much from her- she had said it countless times before in as many words and more.

But strangely enough, it didn't feel like rejection. And if it was, it wasn't so bad.

"I suppose it wouldn't be as different as we usually are," Redpaw shrugged, speaking both to her and himself. "Just, you know. A few more things we're allowed to do?" He quickly added on, "but I would never force you if you're uncomfortable."

"Aww," she cooed and he knew the teasing wasn't quite finished. "That's adorable. How did I manage to get the sweet one to like me?"

"You are something else," he whispered with a shake of his head, and it felt like his own words had a double meaning of sorts. Both exasperated and adoring.

She picked up on it, and Cinderfrost drew back her face a little with a chuckle. "I guess I'll have to get used to getting compliments from you."

"Don't hurt yourself now," he teased and she huffed with a roll of her eyes.

"You make me sound like I'm completely incapable of loving someone. Which is not the case!" Cinderfrost said before her features softened, admitting with as casual a shrug as she could do. "I do like being with you and being close to you and talking to you as we do. It… bums me out that we can never really do that in camp. I don't know if I'd call that love, perhaps not the way you'd define it- but I do like you. I am very fond of you."

"That is the most honest thing you've ever said to me."

She scowled with no real agitation, "Now who's making jokes?"

"Blame yourself, I get it from you."

"You have completely derailed this thought exercise."

"It's not a thought exercise," he murmured in a quieter voice and her ears perked up and he couldn't stand to look at her eyes anymore. "This is reality, Cinderfrost."

"I know," the Commoner yielded with another nod, ears twitching to fall back before she blew out a heavy breath. She was silent for a few moments longer, in that way she always got when she was thinking about something, and Redpaw- despite how much he wanted to run away- gave her that time. Eventually, her eyes focused back on him. "I'm not… entirely opposed to the idea of being with you like that. Honestly, I don't see a lot of things changing if we do begin an actual relationship- we'd have our talks as usual and everything… with a few more touching I suppose. We can take it slow?"

"Only if that's something you want," Redpaw stressed, "I meant it when I said I never want to force you to do anything. And besides, I'm happy with what we have now. You're right, it wouldn't be so different."

"...You do realize that depending on tomorrow's outcome, nothing could happen regardless, right?" she leaned back a little to examine his face, a frown on her lips. "I don't follow the rules, but you do. And a High Rank-"

"I don't care," he cut her off and she blinked in surprise. Redpaw swallowed lightly before admitting, "No matter the outcome of tomorrow, I know that I'll still want to be with you. We'd find a way, the both of us are crafty."

Cinderfrost stared at him with complete shock, and honestly, he felt a little shocked too. But as soon as the words were out there, he knew them to be true.

He had followed the rules for so long and they were suffocating him.

And the fact that they were even friends, even having this conversation in the first place, meant he didn't abide by all of them either.

"Wow…" she eventually spoke, "You actually like me that much?"

"You're surprised?"

"Honestly? Completely," Cinderfrost let out a startled laugh before she smiled, "I never expected anyone to like me like this. To like me this much that they'd… risk everything."

"Well, you're pretty amazing," he shyly said and it was made a little easier when her smile turned into the start of a smirk.

"I am, aren't I?" she chuckled with faux arrogance before sighing, shuffling her paws before meeting his gaze once more. "Redpaw, if you're sure about this, then okay. I'm not opposed to the idea of being with you… Thinking about it now, it's a little exciting."

"I'm so flattered."

"Hush you."

And Redpaw laughed, and so did she, and all of his worries were washed away. They didn't immediately fall into any sort of embrace or closeness, and he didn't expect that out of her either. There was a lot of warming up she had to do with the idea of touching, and Redpaw was fine with giving her that time.

Just being able to talk with her as they had so many times was enough.

In the end, he was sure it would be worth it.

Because she was worth it.

"Self-worth is not something we can find from others. It comes from the self.

The only one who determines your worth… is you."

He had done it.

And though many probably wouldn't call it a victory, considering he was the second choice instead of the first, but to Redheart? It was a victory unlike any other.

In the end, he had never truly expected to beat Willowflame in all of this, she was always better at everything than everybody else was- in a league all of her own- but losing to her didn't feel like defeat.

And the fact that Lionstar, kin to Wildfire, chose Redheart over the other tom? It must have meant something.

It meant something to him after all.

So now, here he was.

Having left Blazeclan territory for what felt like the first time ever, side-by-side with Roseberry as the Medicine Cat was required to guide the new Grand Royal from the very beginning, and all the way here. It was the first time he had seen mountains up close, and he was awed by their sheer height, his head tilting as far back as it could go and still not being able to see the top of it.

"Redheart," Roseberry called to him from where she stood at the lip of a cave entrance, one that had been hidden by a wall of bramble and thorns and hanging ivy and flowers. She held a small smile of amusement at his awe, and he didn't know how she wasn't as wondered by the mountains as he was. (He supposed it was because she had made this trip a few times already. Once at the start of her apprenticeship to see if she was worthy enough to actually train under Oatwhisker, another to meet the other Medicine Cats of the other clans, a fourth to take her official name, and a fifth to bury Oatwhisker when he passed.) She jerked her head in the direction of the cave entrance. "It's almost time."

That's right. Moonhigh was but a few minutes away, and Redheart needed to be in there before it happened.

The Path to the Stars.

He had only heard of it in stories mentioned a few times by Lionstar, a sign of encouragement for the others to give it their all during the trials of becoming a Grand Royal.

It had worked…

And now, he was here.

Just about to walk inside and be welcomed by his ancestors.

...He would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, the dull ache of hunger from having fasted on the journey here making his stomach clench, and he swallowed thickly. It was time.

It was time for him to be worthy.

Redheart sent one final glance up the mountain, wondering if he could see the top of it if he just tried hard enough. He couldn't, obviously.

He turned and began making his way over to his friend, the two sharing a smile, and she motioned for him to enter.

"You won't join me?"

"I'm not allowed," she stated matter-of-factly, shrugging. (It almost reminded him of Cinderfrost, the casualness.) Roseberry regarded him with pride and he was elated by it. "For this ceremony, only the Grand Royal is."

"Potential Grand Royal," Redheart corrected and Roseberry shook her head.

"I said what I said," she bumped his shoulder with her muzzle, pushing him along. "Come now. Go on. I'll be waiting out here for you."

"What am I supposed to do?" He didn't know why he felt so nervous to leave her behind, why he was so scared to walk inside.

This is it.

Roseberry smiled that mysterious smile he was convinced all Medicine Cats had, like she knew something he didn't or something he was about to find out.

And when she spoke, chills ran through his body.

"Follow the path," she bowed her head, "and let the stars guide you."

Follow the path. (For some reason, he thought about Cinderfrost and her habit of making her own path with everything.)

Redheart shook his head minutely before turning, staring into the darkness of the cave, taking in a deep breath, and…

He walked.

Realistically, he should have been able to see, night vision and all. But the shadows within the cave were darker than they should have been, blue-grey stone and slate stretching high above him. There was earth beneath his paws, and for a few moments of just walking straight without any vision, he was starting to think this was some sick joke or something.

But then, the compacted earth suddenly became cold stone, and he startled a bit, tilting his head up.

Far above him, at the very top of a staircase of grey stone, there was a perfectly shaped circular hole that opened up to the night sky above. Stalagmites towered all around in the dimly lit room, like obelisks or pedestals to form thrones. Stalactites pierced downward from the open ceiling, light in color, like hands reaching for the damned far below in order to drag them upward.

Redheart hesitated at the entrance of the room, knowing within his heart of hearts that this was where it happened. Fireflies fluttered like miniature stars between the spires of rock and salt, as if waiting for him to move so they could as well.

It was such a beautiful and daunting sight. And it was all for him.

Redheart swallowed lightly before taking that first step just a little higher from the ground, and as soon as his paw landed on it, he could have sworn a warm breeze drifted by him, ruffling his pelt and it was almost enough to make him retract himself entirely. His whiskers twitched nervously, his heart racing in his throat, and his eyes darted to the bouncing fireflies that were drifting ever closer in his direction.

He took in a ragged breath, the cave air somehow being the freshest thing he had ever scented before.

Follow the path.

As if to guide him, the fireflies moved to float on either side of the ascending staircase, illuminating the path before him. The light made the dust against the stones obvious, telling of just how old this entire location was.

Follow the path.

One step at a time.

Redheart began moving, going ever higher with each step, and that gentle, warm breeze only grew stronger with each one. The muscles in his body relaxed all at once, a relieved sigh forced from his lungs, and if he didn't force himself to focus, he thought he'd fall asleep then and there.

The dust clung to the bottom of his paws, leaving behind his trail and that fact satisfied something within him. Leaving my own mark in this place. Where many had walked before him.

Higher and higher he moved, heart pounding a drumbeat rhythm in his ears. He forced his breaths to remain even through it all, though he didn't entirely know how he accomplished it. The fireflies pulsed, flickered with each of his steps.

He was about halfway up when he could have sworn he saw someone out of the corner of his eye. He went to look, and they were gone, but as soon as he faced the front again, the vision was there. A figure like a mirage, the faintest of ginger coloring forming a loose shape of a cat with dark amber eyes.

The image walked with him, right by his side.

Three more steps and another appeared on the other side of him, but he didn't try and look this time. More and more, every three or so steps, another would appear until at last- there were three on either side of him, all in a line with him in the center, six in total.

He made it to the top, and the mirages stayed behind, a step below. Curiosity made him glance over his shoulder, and though it was difficult to see, they didn't disappear. He could barely make out the colors of their pelts but their eyes?

Their eyes shined like the stars in the sky. Dark amber. Bright green. Light amber. Pale green. Crystal blue. And on the far side- brilliant silver.

He blinked and they blinked back, bowing their heads, and Redheart turned back to face the front. A pool of water laid before him, circular in shape to match the opening far above it, and once Moonhigh came to be, the water began to glimmer with wisps of silver and white and golds. It was entrancing to look at, his eyes wide to take it all in.

It was like looking at the night sky, but it was so, so much closer. Close enough for him to touch…

Redheart stood there staring for a few moments, not really knowing what he was supposed to do, before he looked closer to his own paws and saw the same staircase within the pool of water, descending this time. There was no question.

Follow the path.

The water rippled with his first step in, a gentle thing that righted itself quickly. Another, and the world pulsed with his heart. More and more, it was like being at the center of the earth, feeling nature's heartbeat all around him. His own matched it, and though the water was getting ever higher, up to his neck now, he did not panic.

Redheart went to take another step and didn't find another stone. Just empty openness.

Follow the path.

He closed his eyes, took in as much as he could… and dove in.

Water rushed all around him, instinctual fear making him want to kick back up to the surface, but he fought instinct with everything he had. Bubbles rushed upward as he released his breath, and the burn for air made panic that much harder to fight.

But he fought it as hard as he could, his efforts rewarded as he remained suspended in the water- but he needed to breathe.

He needed to-

He inhaled, water rushing into his system, and for a moment, he thought he was going to die. The pool was so cold, seeping into his pelt and straight to the bone. Oh stars, this was a mistake.

Another inhale, more water.

I'm going to die.

Another, and then-

Warmth?

Indeed. When he drew in another breath, there wasn't any more water around him, and he was afraid to open his eyes now.

But he had always been a curious one, and so, he did.

Redheart opened his eyes and gaped. An infinite world stretched before him now, a grassland with no trees nearby except for in the far, far distance. He felt like even if he spent an entire day heading in their direction, he wouldn't make any progress at all.

"At last. The next chosen has arrived."

The wind blew stronger, filling him with warmth and the sweetest of scents, and Redheart turned his gaze to the side. And sitting as though they had always been there, a figure gazed down at him from where they remained on a flat boulder. Slightly elevated off the ground.

His eyes tried to focus on them, but as before, it… The image was morphed a bit. A fiery ginger pelt melded into twinkling stars at the lower half of their body, something like embers or simple specks of light leaching from their body now and again. The harder he tried to focus, the more the image became blurred.

Only their eyes were clear; dark amber.

"I have to say," the figure continued speaking, and Redheart couldn't quite place the tone of voice. "I'm curious as to why Lionstar has decided to break tradition and choose someone outside of our family."

"Yes, it is rather curious," a second voice sounded, and Redheart turned his head in a different direction, finding another flickering figure there. A black pelt with stripes of white, bright green eyes looking at him with a tilted head. "Especially one like this."

"Inter-rank," a third figure appeared; an image of brown of differing shades, light amber eyes. "But not to say he is unworthy."

"Settle down now," a fourth; the voice taking on a more feminine tone, a golden pelt with pale green eyes. "A change was in order."

"To achieve victory or fail?" A fifth one spoke, and by this point, Redheart realized he was being surrounded by them all. Another ginger pelt, but this time, with crystal blue eyes. "To be the reason the clans survive or the reason they burn?"

"Enough."

Redheart had been spinning his head around to keep track of who was talking, but as soon as that final voice spoke up, he stopped and stared at the last remaining space there. This figure was clearer, shining more radiantly than the rest. A blazing amber pelt streaked with specks of black and white, brilliant silver eyes staring at him, and he could just make out a smile across those lips.

"Welcome," the silver-eyed one spoke, standing while the others sat, tail flicking behind them to motion around the area. "To the home of your ancestors. Where Endless Day reigns, a light to chase away the shadows that wish to consume us."

They paused for a moment, stepping just the slightest bit closer to Redheart, and asked, "Do you know who we are?"

"My… ancestors," he breathed out, body shaking. And though he had never seen any of them before, it was as though he knew each of them by name already. "The Grand Royals of the past. You… You must be Blazestar."

"Aye," Blazestar gave a bow of his head, and with that confirmation, Redheart couldn't help but look at the others now, putting a name to each.

Flamestar, the ginger one with blue eyes. The second Grand Royal.

The third Grand Royal, Goldenstar; the she-cat with a golden pelt to match her name and gentle, pale green eyes.

Eaglestar, the fourth leader, the one with the brown pelt and light amber eyes.

Fifth: Stripestar, the black tom with stripes of white and bright green eyes.

And finally, the sixth Grand Royal- Firestar. Dark amber eyes and a ginger pelt.

Golden-yellow eyes drifted back to face the creator of the clans and their system (the one for Blazeclan at least). The first-ever Grand Royal. He dropped into a bow in reverence, breathless from all of this.

"It is an honor to meet you all."

"The honor is ours," Blazestar continued, apparently being the only one designated to speak now. The rest simply continued to stare at him, regarding him with curious (or judgemental) eyes. Blazestar seemed to ignore them, and though he felt wrong too, so did Redheart. "You must be aware of the unusualness of it all. The importance of Lionstar choosing you over that of his own bloodline."

Wildfire. To continue the tradition, his rival should have been the one chosen.

But instead… Redheart was the one here, and Wildfire wasn't.

(He wondered what it felt like, to be denied your legacy.)

"I have an idea, yes," Redheart murmured aloud, "And though I can't speak for Grand Royal Lionstar's reasoning, I will not let him down. I will be someone worthy of this name."

"You speak of worthiness," Blazestar immediately picked up on, silver eyes gleaming with interest. No malice in sight, but his words could be considered harsh. "Yet, you yourself are one who does not follow the careful codes we have created. Does that not discredit your worth?"

Redheart felt a chill roll down his spine. (And for a moment, he inhaled and thought he was drowning again.) Though the winds remained warm and sweet, something about it was freezing.

Cinderfrost.

Of course, they would know about that.

A High Rank could not be with a Low Rank.

The Grand Royal was not allowed a mate.

"Nothing will ever come from that," he found himself saying, vowing. "Cinderfrost and I are best friends with the title of mates. My relationship with her does not dictate my responsibility to my clan and my clanmates. I will treat all of them as fairly as I treat her."

"A Commoner of all things," it was Stripestar who spoke this time, a scoff in his voice, and Redheart inhaled again and he coughed, choking for a moment. "The one beneath us all."

"Do we not all end up here?" Redheart defended, his ears falling flat for a moment as he shuffled his paws, indicating to the area around. "Low Rank or High Rank. Commoner or Grand Royal. In the end, we are all the same. We all deserve peace, and we all deserve a chance at the light."

Stripestar didn't seem so convinced- Redheart was beginning to remember just how bigoted that one had been, making the most changes within the clan in regards to the rules Low Ranks had to follow- but in the end, it didn't seem like it was his choice.

It was, and always had been, Blazestar's- the one who started it all.

"Wise words, young one," Golden-yellow found brilliant silver and Redheart felt like he could breathe a little easier now. The cold that had shrouded him evaporated with the warmth of the incoming breeze and he relaxed once more. "You would do well to follow that way of thinking and to teach it to others. You are right. We all deserve a chance at the light. No matter how impure that blood may be."

Blazestar stepped off from his pedestal, moving through the long grass until he was right in front of Redheart. The red-furred tom remained as still as possible, in complete and utter disbelief that he was standing in front of the first Grand Royal.

"Remain strong, Redstar," he shivered at that name, "Do not let the darkness win. Change is coming, and I do hope you guide others through it. It will not be easy. But you are capable."

And Blazestar paused for a moment, speaking his next words for all of the world to hear;

"You are worthy of the Grand Royal name."

The others around him began chanting, and though it was only six in total, their cries echoed in his ears and Redstar could not help the tears that escaped his eyes, nor the sob that burst free from his chest.

I am worthy.

Blazestar pressed his muzzle to the top of his head, and just like that-

Redstar was back in the water.

Darkness surrounded him, though as he glanced upward, light guided him out of the abyss. He kicked to the surface as fast as he could, breaching it and gasping for air, soaked to the bone as he swam back to the side of the pool. He coughed and sputtered and shivered, but he didn't care.

He had done it.

Redstar remained on the side for a moment to catch his breath, water dripping into a puddle beneath him, and as his eyes lifted to look around, the fireflies of before were gone and sunlight was now beginning to filter inside from the opening above. He smiled to himself, lying on his back for a moment and laughing to himself.

You are worthy.

Finally.

He didn't know how long he remained there, a part of him not wanting to leave the poolside. (Curiously enough, however, he looked back at it and it just looked like a normal pool of water.) Eventually, he picked himself back together enough for him to make his way down, leaving this sacred place behind.

(Even still, a part of him felt like it was always going to stay there.)

Golden-yellow eyes squinted against the rays of the sun as soon as he stepped outside of the cave, taking in a deep breath and lamenting the loss of its rich sweetness. It was a little colder now, and as another breeze came by, his body racked with shivers, chills stabbing into his back and making him wince for a moment. It made his teeth set on-edge, every muscle in his body tightening for a split second before it passed.

(It felt like a warning of some kind.)

(He ignored it.)

"Greetings, Redstar."

His head turned in the direction of Roseberry's voice, the Medicine Cat sitting there with a small prey pile off to the side and some kind of nest made from weaved together grass and moss she could find.

He smiled at her but couldn't help himself from saying, "How do you know that's my name now? They could have rejected me."

"They didn't."

"How do you know?"

Dark blue eyes that dipped into purple sternly met his golden-yellow, and though her words were light, he could not stop himself from feeling a little horrified.

"Because you're still alive," she stated as if it was obvious. "If you had been rejected, you would've drowned. Simple as that."

Oh. Well.

Alright then.

"Has… that happened before?"

"Once," Roseberry nodded, glancing off into the distance and taking in a deep breath, eyes distant from remembering a story. "I believe when Eaglestar was chosen. He was the second choice, the one before him wasn't accepted for whatever reason, but he was."

"Oh…" Redstar couldn't help but glance back in the direction of the cave, a little nervous now. "How did you know how long to wait for me?"

"Sunhigh," she jerked her head toward the sky above, "If you hadn't come out at Sunhigh, I would have returned without you."

"Talk about loyalty," he chuckled lightly and she snickered in his direction, motioning down to the prey pile.

"I'm as loyal as can get. Now, eat your fill. It's a long way home, Grand Royal."

Grand Royal. He had to get used to others calling him that now. Because he had done it.

I am worthy.

"...So, why? Why is it so hard?

Why is it impossible to convince yourself you deserve better? That you deserve forgiveness and love and happiness?"

With Lionstar's disappearance a moon ago- the previous Grand Royal told him that it was officially his time- Redstar had taken over completely.

He was still riding the high, and everybody was still amazed and excited with all of the new possibilities he could bring to them. It was always a surreal experience; waking up and going to sleep in this den, being addressed honorably by his clanmates, having others bow to him and turn to him for advice and leadership.

The first Gathering had been nerve-wracking, but everybody was much too excited to notice his anxiety.

Leafstar had been chosen for Forestclan- and he was happy about that because she was rather nice and sensible- and Cloudstar, unfortunately, had been chosen for Stormclan. While Redstar had tried tentatively offering some sort of peace treaty, the white-furred tom had brushed him off and the Blazeclan tom tried not to let it get to him.

He'd try again another time.

With Willowflame as his lead Royal, everything was going great. (Although, he had heard rumors from others that she was considering stepping down, and he loathed the day he would have to confront her about that.)

...The only thing that he didn't particularly like about the whole ordeal was having to sneak around just to have some time with Cinderfrost.

She had been as happy for him as he was for himself (and perhaps she was just happy that he was proud of himself). They had quickly fallen into a routine of at least meeting each other at dusk, separating at Moonhigh- and during the day, they would share silent conversations with shared glances.

(He longed to just go to her whenever he wished, but he could not.)

If their routine bothered her, she never said anything about it. And he knew that she was not one to let her own dislikes stew in silence. She was very vocal about what she thought was stupid or not.

Their relationship had, indeed, been very tentative at first. Cinderfrost allowed herself to be touched more often, the two often spending the entire time in each other's embrace, and she was quite affectionate when she wanted to be.

If being mates entailed for this much ease, he didn't know why he waited so long.

It was nice, having a partner and someone who just knew him. Someone that he knew in return.

He knew her.

...Which was why her current behavior was a little weird.

Here they were, once more, hidden away from the rest of the clan at the edge of the territory. Her secret hideout of long ago had been the perfect place for them to meet without anyone knowing, and the view was quite nice as well.

(The endless field reminded him of when he was accepted as worthy.)

The problem came up when she remained quieter than usual, brows slightly pinched with thought, and she had missed out on at least three opportunities to crack a joke that he set up so perfectly for her.

Something wasn't right.

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"Hmm?"

"You're quieter than usual," he chuckled gently, smiling, "and that's saying something. You missed at least three chances to make the same joke. I'm upset, I set it up so nicely and now it's gone."

"Oh," she murmured, and the fact that she didn't say anything witty or sarcastic made him even more worried, turning his body to face her better. Cinderfrost frowned to herself, shaking her head with a little sigh of aggravation. "Sorry, I'm just… thinking."

"May I ask about what?"

She didn't answer and that almost felt like a no, but he gave her the chance to actually say it if she was going to. Redstar frowned to himself. The more he thought about it, it wasn't just around him that she was acting weird.

...As Grand Royal, he had personal insight into how many complaints others had about her defiant attitude. Every time he was forced to hear someone bash on his love was the worst part of all of this, and he just wanted to rip all of their tongues out given the chance.

But recently, those complaints have been coming less and less. Maybe it was just the High Ranks deciding not to pester him about one measly Commoner…

Or maybe… It was because Cinderfrost hadn't been doing anything worthy of a complaint.

She had been-

Following the rules.

"My light," he murmured to her, reaching out to brush his muzzle against her shoulder and feeling something within his chest clench achingly when she stepped away from him, standing up to pace. Redstar tried not to panic, forcing himself to remain sitting as his eyes trailed her metronome movements back-and-forth.

"Umm…" she started unsurely, grimacing to herself again and scowling before turning the other way, walking a few steps and turning back around like a trapped animal. "I really don't know how to start this conversation."

"Usually helps to start at the beginning."

"Har har," she quipped and he felt a little more at ease about that. Still, she did not stop in her pacing, eyes drifting from the sky to the ground and back again as if trying to find the answers there. "Okay, here goes. Just- bear with me."

"I always do."

"You know, oh like- I don't know, a few weeks ago, maybe a moon, I forget. Well, I didn't forget but that's not the point," Cinderfrost grunted in frustration before turning to meet him directly and he tried not to flinch. She took in a slow inhale and blew it out raggedly before speaking in a tense voice. "You know how we were… intimate… a little while ago."

Oh. Uh oh.

Immediately apologies started spilling from his lips before he could catch them, "I am so sorry if that made you uncomfortable and I didn't mean to make it seem like I forced you to-"

"No! Not- You're very sweet. Tha-That's not it," Cinderfrost cut him off and he could not recall a time that she had ever looked so flustered before. She never got shy with anything. "It was very nice, and I liked it and- and that's not the point of this conversation. Stop side-tracking me!"

"Well I'd help you stay on track if I knew where it was going," Redstar gave a slight pout, curling his tail around his paws, shoulders drawing in slightly. "But for the record, I am sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable asking if we could-"

"I'm expecting."

She said it so quickly he didn't think he could catch the words.

But he did, his apology completely forgotten, ears perking up and she looked like she was forcing herself not to turn away from him. A sheepish grimace was on her face, lips sucked in and eyes nervous.

His mind was racing and he could not keep up with it, and stupidly, the first words out of his mouth were, "Expecting what?"

As if it isn't obvious, idiot.

She didn't tease him or anything, looking as uncertain as ever, and it nearly looked like she didn't want to say it.

But she did.

"I… am pregnant."

"You…"

"Yep."

"With me…"

"Yep."

Well then. It felt like an explosion went off in his mind and he could only stare at her for a few seconds, and she didn't seem to mind that as she stared right back at him. (It was very obvious neither of them knew what to do.)

"Huh." Redstar hummed.

"Yep," Cinderfrost said, but this time, her voice wavered a bit and he knew he had to say something to comfort her now.

"That's… I mean, you're okay right?" Redstar asked, and that seemed to be the opening for the floodgates of panic to set in. His ears perked up, looking around at the soft blankets of snow that marked the beginning of Leaf-bare, and the breeze that blew by only seemed colder. "Oh gosh, you shouldn't be out here- that… Cinderfrost, there's ice out here. Oh no, how are you feeling? Why did you follow me out here tonight, it's so cold, are you okay, is-"

And then she started laughing and Redstar had to physically restrain himself from continuing on his babbling. Her eyes, which had been so nervous and concerned up until now, shined with amusement and something like unadulterated relief. He was used to her laughing at him, with him, for him- but he didn't think this was the right occasion to be laughing.

"If this is a joke-"

"It's not, I swear."

"That'll be more believable if you weren't laughing so much."

"No- I'm laughing cause… you're really, really sweet is all," Cinderfrost sobered up a bit and Redstar completely forgot his embarrassment when she sniffled, smile shaky. "I kind of thought you would get mad at me or something for this."

"Why would I ever?" Redstar asked bemused, horrified at the mere idea of it. "You really got to have more faith in me sometimes."

"Yeah, yeah I do," she let out a watery chuckle, bringing her paw up to wipe the few tears- tears of relief if he had to guess- away from her eyes. She didn't say anything more, icy blue meeting golden-yellow, and Redstar should be freaking out.

He just found out that he was going to be a father.

A father- Grand Royal's weren't allowed to have kits.

But…

"You are completely sure?" Instead of taking on a frightened lilt, his voice came out… hopeful. Awed.

Cinderfrost blinked at him, smiling more to himself than anything, glancing down at her belly that wasn't showing yet and patting it with one of her paws. "Yep. Had a check-in with Roseberry a few days ago and she confirmed it. Hard to discredit the word of a Medicine Cat- if they say you're pregnant, then you're pregnant."

"You seem to be taking this rather well," he eyed her for a moment, "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine."

"Cinderfrost," his voice came out a little softer and it made her sigh, dropping that attempted mask right out the gate.

"Can I be honest?" She grimaced slightly.

"I only ever want you to be honest with me," Redstar said.

"It weirds me out a little," she looked back down at herself as if envisioning it all. "The idea of having something growing within me… but, I'm not completely opposed to it. Not that I have a choice anymore, it's a little too late for that, but I'm not freaking out. Anymore."

"Now it's my turn," he huffed out a quiet laugh before murmuring, "What does this mean now? With me being the Grand Royal and all?"

She glowered at him for a moment, icy blue frost heating up a little and he grimaced at the start of a glare aimed in his direction. "Is that the first thing that comes to your mind? Your title?"

Uh oh. He didn't intend for it to come out that way.

Quickly, he spoke, "No, no. I'm not worried about what'll happen to me or whatever… I'm just… I'm worried about you. Cinderfrost, if anyone finds out that this is my kit- Stars, who knows what they'd do to you. I don't… I can't live with myself if they harm you because of me."

"I've learned to live with potential threats to my life."

"And what of our kit?" He frowned deeply, ears falling flat for a moment. "I wouldn't be able to be a part of their life like a normal father. They probably won't even know me as anything other than the Grand Royal. Growing up without both parents…"

He didn't want that. Not for his son at least.

"Well…" Cinderfrost sighed heavily, and he knew that this part of the conversation was not over by any means. "We have time to think about that, I suppose. Just, one thing at a time, yeah?"

"Yeah…" Redstar acquiesced, even though he knew that these thoughts were going to be raging in his mind for the days to come. They didn't have all the time in the world, and any solution he could come up with did not sit right within him. "So this is why you've been 'behaving' more?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I've never been a mother," he snorted at that and she took in a deep breath, turning her eyes toward the sky with a slight frown. "I don't want to be as reckless as I normally am because I don't want to risk harming them too. It's not just me anymore, so yes, I am going to be on my best behavior from now on… Unfortunately."

"The clan will be curious as to who is the father."

"I am under no obligation to tell them," she scoffed to herself, rolling her eyes. "They can mind their own business for once."

"You know they won't."

"I know, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm stubborn."

"Oh, I've noticed." Redstar regarded her with a fond expression before deciding that he really wanted to be closer to her. Stepping carefully up to her, eyeing her every twitch to make sure she wouldn't back off abruptly, he pulled her into a warm embrace when she gave him a nod and she followed willingly. For a while, the two just sat there, leaning into each other and soaking in the other's warmth. Peppermint and jasmine made a purr rise in his throat and he pressed his muzzle into the top of her head.

"Cinderfrost…"

"Hmm?"

He smiled widely, a slight shine of tears in his eyes. "You're pregnant."

"Ugh, I know," she groaned but he could tell she really didn't mean that. Deflecting to her casualness as usual. It was something she needed to do to cope, and he would be damned if he took that away from her.

"We're going to have an offspring."

"You always speak so stiffly no matter how much time has changed," Cinderfrost sighed forlornly, shaking her head against his shoulder and letting out a snort. "How I'd ever come to enjoy your company is beyond me."

"Simple," Redstar pulled back, brushing his muzzle against hers for a moment before letting their foreheads lightly touch. This, he knew, she liked greatly. Eye-contact and being held like this. "I didn't give up chasing you. You liked the attention."

"That I do," a smirk pulled at her lips, shameless in her admittance, but her voice dropped in volume into what could only be loving adoration. "That I do."

"And I give it freely," he responded, pressing closer to keep her warm on this cold night. Her and his kit both.

He was going to be a father.

Redstar could not wait.

"...Rhetorical questions, I suppose.

I already know the answer to them- and my light, my love, my partner…

I have failed you."

It was approximately a moon later that Redstar was still riding the elation of finding out Cinderfrost was pregnant before everything began to come crashing down around him.

In the form of one, scornful, vile tom.

He had a bad feeling when Wildfire walked up to him one random morning, a careful mask of nonchalance settled over his features as he interrupted Redstar's morning meal, and told him that the two needed to talk. Privately.

There had been something for an instant that flashed across those eyes- a look in dark amber that all but screamed I won and Redstar heard it loud and clear. His heart stuttered nervously, but he maintained professionalism, following the dark grey tabby into the forest that was quickly losing its leaves and snow began to cover almost every available surface.

He didn't know how far or how long the two walked, Wildfire taking the lead and Redstar staying just half a step behind him.

When they finally did stop, Redstar didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"A lesser cat," Wildfire began, back facing his leader, shoulders tense and fur bristling. "...Would have been chased out of the clan, or tortured, for all of the rules that have been broken." Dark amber eyes peeked over to just barely look at him, a slight curl to those lips. "And I would have been the torturer."

Redstar kept his face as passive as he could, but the implication of those words made his heart kick up in tempo. "What you speak of is unknown to me."

"Oh?" Wildfire turned around this time, and Redstar felt every instinct in his body telling him to get away. It reminded him of so long ago when he was still an apprentice and had walked in on Wolfstorm torturing the tom in front of him. Survival instincts trying to get him away from the impending danger. They flared, even more, when the tom leaned forward, eyes gleaming with that same shine of victory. "Then perhaps a certain Commoner means nothing to you either."

Cinderfrost. Alarm spiked within his mind, heart stuttering on its next beat and strangling him for a moment, making his chest ache.

"Do not try to deny it," Wildfire spoke before Redstar could even think of saying anything to defend himself. "I already know."

"Pray tell how," Redstar kept his tone flat, eyes narrowing just the slightest bit, and that weak attempt at intimidation rolled right off of Wildfire's shoulders.

"Simple," Wildfire bared his teeth, taking a step forward for every pause, "I observe. I follow. I listen. I see."

I follow.

He's been following us. Stalking them within the shadows. Observing them. Spying on them.

How sick can one tom be?

(Considering how mad Wolfstorm had been, Redstar was certain Wildfire could go far.)

"Quite the invasive one you are," Redstar honestly didn't know how he was holding it together while freaking out so much on the inside. He knows, he knows, he knows. He tilted his head a bit, innocently almost. "Does Willowflame know of your preferred pastime to stalk me?"

For a second, just a second, the usage of that name made Wildfire rear back a little, head jerking just the slightest bit, the gleam in his eyes dimming before he pulled his lips back in a snarl.

"You are all but one meeting away from being torn apart by the others," Wildfire ignored his question entirely, barreling straight-on. "One word from me, and the rest of the clan will turn against you."

"If you have so much power and confidence in that statement," Redstar lifted his head higher, looking down his nose at Wildfire, jaw clenching, "then tell me why you haven't yet? I assume you have a lot to tell, considering you may have been following me all this time."

"Your attempt at being flippant is adorable," it was Wildfire's turn to taunt, teeth shining like the fangs of a snake. "Do you get it from your plaything?"

"Perhaps you have your own doubts about how effective telling everyone of this would be. Is that why you hesitate?"

"I do not hesitate," Wildfire spat back before taking another step closer, all but a tail-length between the two, dark amber flames meeting a burning golden-yellow sun. "I have a demand to make."

"A request, you mean."

"No, a demand; because if you care at all about her and the little one, you will do as I say."

And that made Redstar's blood run cold. Cold, so very chilling, and then…

Burning.

He felt like he was boiling and his vision darkened with crimson, nostrils flaring, and a creature within him roaring with raw fury.

"You will not touch her," he breathed out before repeating in a ferocious snarl, "You will not touch her!"

Wildfire seemed to enjoy his reaction, because it only made him hold himself with even more confidence, his grin becoming all the crueler.

"Then do as I say," he gnashed his teeth together, speaking in a commanding voice, "and step down."

Redstar felt some of the confusion douse the rising blaze within him, brows furrowing, "What?"

"Give me the title of Grand Royal," Wildfire's voice shook, desperate and demanding all in one. "Give me the right that is rightfully mine, and step down."

Redstar couldn't quite help himself.

He tipped his head back and laughed.

A bitter curl appeared to his lips, teeth barred together and eyes shining with a hint of wildness as he stepped closer to Wildfire, surprising the Royal with his sudden brashness. "Is that what this is about? The fact that you simply can't let it go that your kin chose me over you."

"This my legacy!" Wildfire shouted back, fur bristling and claws unsheathing in an obvious threat that Redstar ignored. "It is what I deserve!"

"Do you want to know why Lionstar chose me?" Redstar pressed on, released from his personal chains now and on the warpath. "Because you are an impatient, vile, cruel creature! You would single-handedly lead the clan to its doom. You would destroy us, destroy the others, and for what?! All because things never go your way? Because you know you can't control everybody? That is not the future Lionstar wanted, and it is not the future that I will allow either!"

"This is my right," Wildfire was panting now, and Redstar could have sworn he saw tears in his eyes. "My right that you stole from me."

"It is not yours," Redstar stepped closer until there was nothing more than a breath between the two, thriving on the fact that he was taller so he could stare Wildfire down. "It is mine. Let it go, Wildfire."

And perhaps, just because he was bitter and angry at the moment, Redstar leaned forward, their noses almost touching, eyes meeting as he said-

"You lost."

The reaction was instantaneous, dark amber eyes widening, pupils shrinking before they narrowed, an entirely unhinged look appearing in them as Wildfire snarled right in his face.

"I don't lose!"

With that, Wildfire lunged, but Redstar was faster. He had always been faster.

He side-stepped, batting the tom in the back of his head and causing Wildfire to stumble forward, a heavy grunt escaping from his lips. The Grand Royal kept his claws sheathed, eyes narrowed, and Wildfire whirled to him, continuing to attack with reckless abandon.

Redstar made sure to stay out of range of each of the attacks, knocking aside the ones he knew he would be unable to dodge, and striking at Wildfire's head and muzzle and throat with a swift paw. The Royal choked on air each time, and he was quick to start panting and wheezing, but he kept coming.

It was as though Redstar could feel his anger radiating off of every swing, burning like falling stars streaking across the night sky in dark amber. He almost, almost felt sorry for the tom.

To be denied a legacy that was yours. To be the sole reason tradition had been broken.

To be unworthy of his birthright.

(Redstar thinks it would have driven him crazy too. To suffer through so much pain and torture from his upbringing, all to not be chosen at all. All for nothing.)

When Wildfire tried to tackle him again, Redstar swirled out of the way, pushing Wildfire along and making him ram head-first into the tree that had been behind him. It was enough to knock some of the snow from the branches, and it was enough to finally make the violent tom stop.

The Royal laid there for a second long enough to make Redstar think he passed out, but he could still hear his grumblings. His harsh breathing. His held-in sobs.

He wanted to help. He really did, but…

Wildfire was beyond saving at this point. (It would be a mercy to kill him, but Redstar didn't think he could bring himself to do that either.)

(Whatever Willowflame had done or was trying to do, it wasn't working and she was too blinded by her love for this broken tom to see it.

Some of the previous chips and cracks had been fixed, undoubtedly, but new ones had emerged in hidden places she could not find.

And those were even deeper, more damaging than the others had ever been.)

"Let it go, Wildfire," Redstar spoke in a softer voice that he didn't know if the other tom heard. But with the way the Royal began to pull himself together to stand, he knew he did. "You don't have to continue trying to appease a tom who would rather see you dead. He's gone. You are free. You don't have to try and make yourself worthy for him anymore."

The Grand Royal didn't know what Wolfstorm had said to Wildfire before his passing, but whatever it had been, it had left the Royal hell-bent on proving himself to his dead father.

"I will kill you one day," Wildfire breathed out because he didn't have the air to snarl his words anymore. All of the vitriolic hate had dimmed, simmering just the slightest bit, and it would be a while before he recovered from this enough to try and tear Redstar apart again. "And if not you, then her. And if not her, then your kit. I will never let this go. Not until you give me what is mine."

You can't save him.

In trying to do so, Redstar would only drown.

He did not survive judgment from his ancestors to be killed by the abyss Wildfire was trying to drag him into.

"What will Willowflame say of this?" It was a last-ditch attempt. To bring in the she-cat that had apparently been Wildfire's only source of sanity. His only remaining light.

As before, it seemed to temper him minutely, and Wildfire's shoulders sagged and Redstar could not recall a time he ever looked so sad before.

But then, just as before, Wildfire took in a deep breath, holding himself higher and raising his eyes to glare at Redstar, at the world, at Wolfstorm's ghost- before he stood up and began walking away.

"As if I care what she thinks," the Royal said- but the way he said it, Redstar knew that wasn't true. Perhaps Willowflame's opinion was the only thing that mattered to him anymore.

It was bitter, his words, his voice. As if he didn't want to care what she thought, as if he wanted his words to be true.

But they weren't. They were just another lie he told himself.

Redstar could only watch him walk away, some part of him wondering if it would be better to kill him now to keep him quiet. He was betting on the fact that Wildfire would remain silent about all of this. He would hold it over Redstar's head for the days, moons, seasons to come until he got what he wanted.

Wildfire was selfish and stubborn like that.

And Redstar was getting a terrible feeling about this.

"After all, self-hate is easy. As instinctual as trying to breathe when you're drowning beneath the waves.

As easy as the split-second decision to kill."

Something was wrong.

Redstar just had a feeling.

First and foremost, Cinderfrost had told him the predicted day Roseberry said she was due to give birth. Today was not that day- she was early, and though that wasn't all too rare, it was still a cause for alarm. Especially during the middle of Leaf-bare.

Secondly, it had been going on for too long.

Third, and perhaps worst of all, Roseberry had asked a few of the current Queens to come in and help and that's when Redstar could hardly stand it. Because Roseberry never needed help from others unless things were going terribly wrong.

He was driving himself crazy sitting out here, off to the side of the gathered group instead of front and center like he wanted to be.

After all, he was just the Grand Royal awaiting the newest arrival of the clan- not the father waiting for his kit to be born.

(He hoped nobody noticed how nervous he was.)

The seconds ticked by and they felt like long, terrible hours. And he almost wanted them to keep going when Skysong, the Queen who had been the first to volunteer to help the Medicine Cat as she rushed inside, suddenly stepped out of the den. A frown was to her face, brows furrowed in worry, and her eyes bounced around before landing on him and she immediately walked over.

He stood up, meeting her half-way and not caring if his haste was obvious.

"Roseberry is asking for you, Grand Royal," Skysong said, bowing her head and turning her eyes away from him because she wasn't allowed to meet his gaze. She stepped aside to allow him to go. "Something about protocol? She didn't explain."

Protocol.

He gave a quick thanks to the Commoner Queen before moving past her and straight for the run-down den that was supposedly the Nursery. (Redstar had wanted to make orders for someone to fix it, but Cinderfrost told him not to. Anything to avoid suspicion of showing favor.)

He hesitated at the entrance of the den, and he was more nervous now than when he had been about to visit the Path to the Stars.

Follow the path.

Redstar walked inside, ignoring the way random twigs on the ground poked at the paws of his pads and he may have stepped on a thorn or two on the way inside. It was not a far tunnel, the path instantly opening up to the warmth of the den and-

The scent of blood was heavy in the air. And though he was pretty sure that was normal- according to Roseberry, who confusedly explained to him what happened during births when he asked her about it one day- there was too much. It was too heavy. Again, he was no expert on these matters, but… something in his gut told him that this wasn't right.

"Keep breathing, you're doing fine, Cinderfrost," Roseberry spoke to his secret mate, pressing a fleeting brush of a muzzle to the top of his Queen's head before turning to immediately walk over to him. Redstar could hardly get a glance of Cinderfrost before the Medicine Cat was in front of him, sadness lingering in her eyes and a deep-set to her brow. Something is wrong.

"What is it?" his voice shook despite how much he tried not to let it.

If Roseberry noticed how overwhelmingly worried he was, she didn't comment on it, and instead…

She frowned even more, glancing over her shoulder before sighing to herself. Disappointed. Heartbroken.

Defeated.

"She…" The Medicine Cat began, paused to swallow thickly before forcing herself to continue. "She's losing too much blood. I can't… There's nothing I can do to stop it, Grand Royal. I'm afraid… I'm afraid that I can't help her."

She's going to die…

"You know," the voice behind her made both of them turn their eyes in that direction, his feisty love as spirited as ever as she sent a glare to them. "I really don't like it when someone talks about me when I'm right here, hello."

Stars, she was so stubborn and unafraid to voice her thoughts. He loved that about her, and-

She's dying.

She's dying she's dying she's dying she's-

He did not doubt that Roseberry had tried everything. High Rank or Low Rank- or no rank at all- she did her best trying to save everyone. If it really came down to this, then…

It was true.

Roseberry sent him a glance, saddened and despondent and he ignored it completely. She stepped aside, positioning herself as a barricade to the tunnel so nobody could come inside. Redstar turned his eyes to Cinderfrost and he felt a tug in his heart, lurching him to go closer, and he followed willingly.

She didn't… look like she was dying. She just looked as normal as ever, though there were obvious exhaustion and muted pain in those eyes that he could stare at for forever. He all but collapsed in front of the nest, his eyes slowly moving down to the single kit that was there.

"Hey," she chuckled gently, "how's it going? I'm doing great by the way."

She was making jokes. Of course, she was making jokes.

And despite himself, he chuckled quietly. Weak and restrained and lodging itself halfway out of his chest. But a laugh nonetheless.

He didn't answer, didn't think he could speak at the moment, and she didn't seem bothered by that as she followed his gaze down to the little kit, a sigh escaping her lips.

"A tom," she murmured eventually, not looking back up at him and just staring at their son. He had a son. Icy blue turned to him for a moment, but he could not look at her yet. "Give him a name."

"Y-You should be the one…" because you're dying.

"I'm uncreative," somehow he didn't think that was the right reason, "And I'm sure you have thought of plenty."

He had. They both had, spending some nights curled against each other, staring at the stars and just bouncing names off of each other in peaceful ambiance. Those were his favorite nights. It made this real- and though he thought it would scare her, it only seemed to make her happier.

A tom.

A son.

There was really only one name he could think of.

Cinders and ashes and-

"Sootkit," he breathed out and that name felt right. Cinderfrost blinked at him and smiled.

"I guess I have a legacy I leave behind after all," she muttered and that only made him remember she was dying.

"Cinderfrost, I'm so sorry," he choked on his sob, forcing the words out, "If I didn't-"

"None of that," she said sternly and he would be a fool to continue. "You didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to. I thought you knew that already. I liked it and I love you and I don't regret it."

"But your-" he couldn't even say it out loud, and he knew the tears were falling because they left behind burning trails on his cheeks. "You are…"

"I know," the more he focused, the more he could hear her breathing becoming all that more labored, and that just made him think about all of their races before. Where she could run and run and run faster than he ever could and not get winded at all.

Cinderfrost still had a brave face on, unbothered by the fact that she was dying.

"Please," he begged, just about ready to grovel at her feet, his shoulders shaking. "Don't go." He pressed his muzzle to the top of her head and she pressed ever closer to him too. Redstar branded the words into her skin, a plea for the whole world to hear. (A plea just for her, because she was his whole world.) "Don't go where I can't follow. Please. Please, I won't be able to keep up with you."

"I was always faster than you, huh?" Cinderfrost whispered in return and a sob tore free from his chest then.

"You are my dearest love, the light of my life," he didn't care that Roseberry was close enough to hear him. He didn't care anymore. Let them know. Let the whole world know. They didn't matter- he was losing his world after all. (He knew the Medicine Cat would take this secret to her grave.) "Please. I can't lose you."

He had known only the loss of his parents. His previous mentors. A few of his rivals. The only ones that had truly hurt had been Flintstrike and Honeysky and now-

Cinderfrost.

His light, his love, his life.

They were all dying.

(He inhaled and water filled his lungs.)

(He began to drown.)

Cinderfrost didn't say anything, letting out the occasional sniffle- the only sign that she was crying at all. He thought he could hear her whispering apologies into his chest as if trying to make the words reach his heart before they could reach his ears.

He inhaled and drowned and it felt like he was the one dying too.

A moment of this went on before she let out a shuddering breath, taking in a sharp inhale, pained, and she pulled away from him and he almost dragged her back to him because if I just hold you tight enough, maybe you'll be okay.

Maybe you won't leave.

She looked at him in the way and Redstar stared at a dying future.

"I have some requests."

"Anything." He vowed immediately.

"First," Cinderfrost glanced away from him, down to the little kit that was resting quietly, tiny little paws occasionally twitching as if he was already trying to run away from something. "Make sure he grows up happy, okay? Let one of the others nurse him. Preferable Skysong if she can- that way… he'll have a sibling to grow up with."

Already breaking the rules. Commoners were usually only allowed one kit, therefore, none of them ever had blood siblings.

"Of course."

"Second," her eyes returned to him and there was an intensity and desperation in them unlike any other he had seen and it made him flinch. A growl accompanied her words, "Do not give up your position to that wretched tom. You keep fighting, Redstar, and you don't stop fighting no matter what. Even if that means just keeping the title out of his slimy paws."

Wildfire. He had immediately told her, because of course, of the Royal finding out about them. And she had cursed and spit and so did he, but she seemed more angry than terrified of what the tom could do.

"I'll try."

"No, you promise me," she was relentless and he was too weak to fight her on this. "He cannot be the leader of this clan. Do you understand?"

"I understand," he nodded, "I won't give up. I swear."

"Good," she murmured, her breathing a little heavier now. "Good."

"Any other requests?"

She remained silent and he did not like that. For once in his life, he didn't want to give her that time to think, but too late. Too late, her thoughts had already been gathered, her mind made up, and he could not change it.

"Kill me."

Redstar reared back immediately, flinching away from her as if she was a living fire, his eyes going wide with shock and his trembling ceased. Everything within his body stopped; his heart did not beat, his lungs did not draw in air, his blood did not move.

No. No, he heard her wrong, misunderstood her. He had to have-

"What?"

"You heard me," Cinderfrost stared at him resolutely, unwaveringly. "Kill me."

"You- No!" he all but shouted, his trembles returning and everything was falling apart around him. He could hear his chest cracking, splintering, and the light was about to leave him. "No, you can't ask me to… Why would you-"

"Redstar," she snapped at him, and he could not seem to recall a time that she ever snapped at him like that. He looked at her and saw tears in her eyes and- oh… She was scared. "I do not want to go out like this. So please, kill me instead."

"I can't… I-" Redstar could not even wrap his mind around the request. Her last request.

"I could do it," Roseberry spoke for the first time, and he didn't know whether he wanted to whirl in her direction or keep his eyes on his stubborn love. He glanced over his shoulder at her, tears in his eyes, and she had such a sad look on her face. "I could do it, so you won't have to live with it."

Redstar had never felt so touched before. To think that Roseberry, his friend, his Medicine Cat, would take the burden and the blame for herself so he wouldn't have to.

"No," he found himself saying, "No, no one is killing her."

"Just you," Cinderfrost murmured and he turned his eyes to her, narrowing them.

"No!" he snapped, and his heart felt like it had stopped beating now. "No, you can't-"

"Redstar," she said his name again, but not in a snap. Her voice shook with tears and she could not stop the few of them from falling. She sniffled before saying, "I have told you time and time again that I want to leave on my own terms. This is my own terms."

"Just say 'no,'" he whimpered, begged, "look at death and say no."

"I've tried," Cinderfrost sobbed in return, smiling sadly. "But they're not listening. I think I've made them angry for refusing them so many times in the past. Death is not as sweet and understanding as you.

"Cinderfrost-"

"I get to decide how I die," she whispered, "and I'd do it myself if I could but I can't. So, I'm asking you- begging you, Redstar. Do not let me die like this. Please kill me."

He broke down. That was the only word to describe the sobs that ripped through his chest and it felt like he was already mourning for her. He wanted to curl into himself as he had done when breaking for Flinstrike, to try and stop himself from falling apart. But he could not. There was no space.

So, he fell.

And Cinderfrost was falling too, so she could not catch him.

No one could.

You have to do this, he told himself, this is her final wish.

Do not let her suffer.

"I love you," he spoke through his tears and that seemed to be the answer she was looking for because sheer relief appeared in her eyes before she nodded. To herself and to him. She turned her head, pressing her muzzle passionately against her kit- their kit, the kit she was going to leave behind.

The kit she would never get the chance to raise.

Stars, she wouldn't even get to see the color of his eyes.

Cinderfrost settled herself into the nest, laying her head down against it and looking up at him and Redstar stepped closer, having to blink multiple times to make the tears fall so he could see her clearly for as long as he could. He leaned down first, pressing his muzzle against hers and sobbing when she whispered, "I love you."

She exposed her throat to him and he could not bring himself to move at first.

(He could faintly register his son, Sootkit, starting to stir a little, mewling lightly.)

He did not want to do it, but just like with many things in his life-

He didn't have a choice.

Redstar would forever hate his claws for what they did to her, slicing as clean a line across her neck as he could so he wouldn't have to try over and over again to get it right. She let out a shuddering breath and he squeezed his eyes shut and that was worse because he could hear her dying now.

So he opened his eyes again and now he could see her and it was an endless cycle of devastation he could not get out of.

(It felt like he cut a part of himself off too.)

He blinked and looked at her and-

He could see the life drain from her eyes, a beautiful icy blue that reminded him of the frost that sat on the surface of a lake during Leaf-bare. There was no fear, no pain, nothing but adoration she always had for him, and a sense of calm and acceptance that had not taken hold of him yet. (And would never take hold.)

Blood- blood that he had spilled- stained the white part of her chest with rusty scarlet, her fur going from white to grey past her shoulders and black stripes that he had traced countless times before with peaceful aimlessness sitting on her back and haunches. Flanks that had stopped moving.

Cinderfrost was dead.

She was dead, she was dead, she was dead and he killed her- oh stars he killed her, he killed her, he killed her!

He started crying, sobbing, wailing- and his own were as loud as the newborn kit's was, his lively little son that was now seeking the warmth of his dead mother, fur light grey like hers and scoured with black stripes. All he was missing was the white half.

Maybe Sootkit would have his eyes. (The eyes Cinderfrost would never get to see.)

Redstar loathed the idea.

This poor kit, his poor son.

Sootkit didn't deserve to be related to someone like Redstar- the one who had killed his mother.

(Perhaps it was the other way around. It was Redstar who was undeserving to be related to the little tom.)

She was dead.

Cinderfrost was dead.

His light was gone and he was drowning.

He had killed her.

...It was his fault…

My fault, my fault, my fault-

He screamed and didn't care if the world or the rest of the clan heard him.

...Because his world was gone.

Forever.

"But self-love?

Now that…

That is truly terrifying."

The burned down territory of Blazeclan stretched as far as the eye could see, and Redstar stared out at it as he had done time and time before.

Everything had happened so fast, the others said, but to him, everything was always so slow.

Time never moved at a normal pace anymore. And he lost track of so many days and nights and he could feel himself wilting away.

(Wilting away, just like his mother had when his father passed.)

Wilting away without his love.

And now he had lost Willowflame as well, and by this point, Redstar just wanted to join them.

It was very hard to keep waking up and going to sleep and living without them around.

Willowflame had made the loss of Cinderfrost a little easier, and now, there was no one around to make anything easier.

...No one but Sootpaw.

It was hard. Watching his son from afar, watching as he followed right in Cinderfrost's steps with even more recklessness than she ever had. He counted the scars popping up on Sootpaw's body and knew the same amount was appearing on his very soul. His soul had been tattered and torn and ripped to shreds and he had to constantly remind himself to breathe.

(Sootpaw had eyes just like his.)

(He thinks the world was simply trying to torture him now.)

There were so many times he wanted to tell his son the truth. To pull him aside and reveal it all, tell him everything about his mother too because he knew for a fact nobody was talking about her. That aggravated him the most, the fact that everybody was simply trying to forget about her altogether.

But he couldn't.

He was scared.

Because he didn't deserve Sootpaw and Sootpaw deserved better than him.

(Every night, he looked at his claws and could still see them stained with red.)

Perhaps one day. In the far future, when things became desperate enough there would be no other choice.

Until then, he was willing to put it off for as long as possible and watch from afar. That's all he could ever do. Keep fighting, keep moving, keep breathing- even if he had to remind himself on a daily basis to do each of those things.

Peppermint and jasmine haunted his every waking moment and he always expected to look to the side and for her to be there. But she never was. Because she was gone.

He was tired. So tired of everything.

Tired and jaded and-

Unworthy.

Redstar hated his name now, hearing his title every time made him want to flinch and shrivel up into a ball and he almost wished that his ancestors would redact their judgment on him and pick another.

He had strived for more-

And look where it has gotten him.

His spirit running and running and running on and on and on without rest, far away from this wretched place and still going regardless, while his husk of a body remained here. Stubbornly keeping the rank of Grand Royal out of Wildfire's clutches.

He wondered if any of this was worth it anymore.

No.

Worthless.

That's all you've ever been.

And that's all he ever was going to be anymore…

"And I am the biggest coward of them all."

A/N: *Panting heavily and dragging myself to the finish line* I… I'm finally done. This is… I have no words. Don't ask me why it came out to be this long. I just… wrote. And I kept writing. And then I wrote some more and about, oh you know, 125 pages later- here we are. I thank everybody who read all of it in one sitting. Godspeed people. This is the longest thing I have ever written in my entire life (so far XD)

Anyways, consider this my gift to you as thanks for 1k reviews.

(So much was revealed in this chapter I don't even know where to start… So I'm not gonna.)

Hope you enjoyed!

Question of the Day

If you were in Redstar's position; would you have been able to kill the love of your life at their request? (Don't have to answer if you don't want to.)

Bonus question: This is a fun, random one- If the cast were humans, what name do you think best fits them?

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Thank you and peace out!

~Wolfcreations21