Fighting
Three Weeks. For three weeks Stef and Lena have spent nearly one hundred percent of their time at the hospital in the NICU. Stef or Lena would go home every couple of days - to exchange dirty clothes for clean ones, check on the bigger kids, load up on more snacks to eat when the hospital cafeteria wasn't open. Often, whoever was making the trip home would nap while washing and drying a load of laundry before returning to the hospital. Occasionally, one of them would spend the night at home - getting restful sleep that was impossible to get in the rocking chairs of the NICU.
The nurses and Dr. Rabb continued to be fantastic. They were always keeping Stef and Lena updated and explaining why they were doing certain things. Their baby was given an ultrasound every morning to check on the status of her brain bleed. Last week, it had been downgraded from a level two to a level one intraventricular hemorrhage. That had been a big moment for Stef and Lena - both women crying from happiness.
The lengthy hospital stay was taking its toll on the moms - they never felt fully rested, Lena was still sore from her C-section, and Stef was almost positive that her stress and excessive coffee consumption had given her an ulcer. It was also becoming increasingly difficult for the older kids to cope with their mothers being gone most of the time. Stewart and Dana had returned to Fresno to go back to work. Sharon was still holding down the fort at the Adams Foster household, with ample assistance from Mike.
"Good morning." Dr. Rabb greets the Adams Foster mothers as she walks through the doors of the NICU, a group of young residents following in her shadow. Dr. Rabb was one of the top neonatologists in the country and she was always teaching students and residents. Lena was so thankful that their daughter was receiving the best care possible.
"Good morning." Lena smiles wearily, slowly rocking back and forth in the rocking chair beside the incubator. Dr. Rabb was here to check on her baby's brain bleed. When it had decreased to a level one, Dr. Rabb had warned them that it could still worsen. So Lena waited with bated breath each morning as Dr. Rabb conducted the ultrasound. Stef stood behind Lena, gnawing nervously at her fingernails. She used to do this in her teenage years and had recently picked the terrible habit back up again.
"What's wrong?" Stef asks, watching Dr. Rabb's face intently as she studies the ultrasound. "What is it?" Stef pushes, her heart hammering in her chest.
"Well, it looks like your daughter's brain bleed has resolved." Dr. Rabb replies with a smile.
"What?" Lena asks in disbelief, tears welling in her eyes.
"We're still going to check her daily for a few more days, but this looks like very good news." Dr. Rabb says. "It might be time to give this little girl a name." The nurses and Dr. Rabb had all encouraged Stef and Lena to give their daughter a name, but both mothers were worried that doing so would jinx her outcome.
"Can you believe it, Stef? This is amazing!" Lena exclaims, standing up to pull her wife in for a hug. "What should we name her?"
"I don't know." Stef shrugs, chewing the inside of her lip.
"Well, I was thinking about naming her after your father." Lena admits.
"You want to name our daughter Frank?" Stef snorts at the insanity of the idea.
"Francesca. Frankie for short." Lena clarifies with a smile.
"Francesca Adams Foster - it does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" Stef smiles back at her wife. After placing a quick peck on Stef's lips, Lena goes over to the incubator and carefully places her hand inside the big piece of plastic to stroke their daughter's tiny cheek. Small moments of contact like this was good for her, according to the nurses.
"Hi, Frankie, your mommy and I love you so much." Lena says, sniffling back tears.
"Are you sure I won't hurt her?" Lena asks the NICU nurse for the tenth time from her spot in the rocking chair.
"You won't hurt her. You're going to do fine." The nurse soothes, carefully handing baby Frankie over to her mama for the first time. Lena doesn't even notice the nurse readjusting some tubing as she cradles her one month old daughter in her arms for the first time.
"Hi, Frankie." Lena whispers, looking down at her youngest child. "Am I doing okay?" She asks the nurse as Frankie moves a little.
"You're doing great." The nurse reassures.
"Stef, look." Lena says, even though Stef has been watching the entire time.
"I see." Stef smiles. "She's so happy to be close to you."
"Do you want to hold her?" Lena asks with a smile.
"No, that's okay." Stef declines, looking down at her shoes.
"Are you sure?" Lena inquires.
"Yeah. I'm actually gonna head down to the cafeteria for some coffee. Do you want anything?" Stef asks, already halfway out of the NICU.
"Honey, is there a reason you don't want to hold Frankie?" Lena asks casually as the two women are sitting on a bench in the hallway outside of the NICU, eating cold sandwiches from the cafeteria for dinner. The blonde shrugs, not really answering her wife, as she picks bits of mayonnaise drenched lettuce off of her sandwich.
"Stef, look at me." Lena urges, resting her hand on top of her wife's to still them. "What's going on in your head?" Stef shakes her head, still refusing to answer.
"Please, talk to me, Stef. We're going through enough without there being secrets between us." Lena pleads.
"It's just. . ." Stef begins, before letting out a big sigh and placing her sandwich on the bench. "I said I didn't want six kids. I put that out into the universe and now - now we might lose her." Stef shakes her head as she speaks, trying to force the impending tears back.
"Oh, honey, that's not true. She's getting better. She's going to be okay." Lena tries to soothe, scooting closer to Stef and wrapping an arm around her.
"Something else could still go wrong." Stef sniffles. "And I just keep thinking that it's my fault."
"No, Stef, this is not your fault." Lena says more firmly than before. "None of this is your fault. These things just happen and it's shitty when they do, but it's nobody's fault."
"She's so tiny." Stef says, cradling Frankie against her chest but being vigilant of the wires and tubes.
"She's almost three pounds." The nurse informs the mothers.
"I can't believe it." Stef smiles. "You were even tinier the day you were born." Stef says to Frankie.
Frankie was making leaps and bounds in the NICU. Her weight was up. Her brain bleed had stopped. The next big step would be to get her off the ventilator and breathing on her own. Once she was breathing on her own and able to feed from a bottle, Dr. Rabb had a feeling it would be almost time for Frankie to go home. The idea of taking Frankie home and introducing her to the other five kids both terrified and excited Stef - but she was ready for the next part of their adventure with baby Frankie.
