A/n: I only own Ellie, Grant, Beckie and Kasie and Sarah; all other characters that you recognize are property of Marvel.

a/n2: We have made it to Wandavision! interesting first two weeks. Many theories. Is she being controlled or controlling?! less than two months until FatWs!

Thank you to the new followers: agentpiperh


I'll never forget you

I'll never forget you

I'll never forget how we promised one day

To love one another forever that way

We said we'd never say, good-bye

~ Goodbye by Frank Sinatra


*~*~* April 26, 2019- Irvington, New York- AM *~*~*

Steve woke up early the morning on April 26th. Sighing, he laid on his back and looked over at the empty side of his bed where Natasha should be sleeping. Throwing the covers off the bed, he padded to Sarah's room to check on her. She was still asleep so he continued to the stairs and paused as he heard Ellie.

Quietly as possible, he walked down towards her bedroom and stopped next to the door.

"…I just… I miss you so much, Buck. Our visits… bring me hope, and happiness but they aren't enough. Every morning I wake up, and it is like I am gasping for breath. I can't wait until you are home and I can breathe again," Ellie sobbed on the other side of the wall, "My therapist-"

Steve frowned when he heard her telling, what he figured was the camcorder, what she had been talking to her therapist about, that he did not realize that she had been seeing. With a sigh, he walked away and went downstairs to get on the treadmill.

After a 30 minute run, he got off the treadmill then started beating his frustrations out on the punching bag.

"What did that ever do to you?"

Steve looked back at Ellie as she leaned on the door frame to the gym, "What are you doing down here?"

Ellie frowned, "What do you mean?" She asked walking into the room.

"You never come down here," Steve told her as he punched the bag with a left hook.

"I…" Ellie trailed off then sighed as she sat on the weight bench, "Shit, I have this big house and you are right. I go from the garage to the elevator to the kitchen, to the bedrooms. I feel like I don't have the time to do anything else."

Steve punched the bag.

"I'm tired, I'm frustrated… I feel like I am missing out on my kids' lives, but I have to Steve. I … I have to be the… supermom because there is no guarantee Bucky is going to be back. I want to truly believe that he will be back but I can't guarantee it, Steve," Ellie told him swallowing hard, "I may have to do this on my own for the rest of my life."

Steve sighed as he turned to her, "You aren't on your own."

Ellie groaned, "No I'm not on my own, you help and I don't know what I would do without you, but I am still alone, Steve. Until he comes back. I'm just… mad, at the world, at myself, at everyone but… what hurts me the most… I'm mad at him. He's not here to defend himself."

Steve walked over and pulled her into his arms, "Punch me."

Ellie pulled back from him, "What?"

"Punch me, take the anger out on me," Steve told her.

Ellie stood back from him and laughed, "You are crazy."

"If you don't want to punch me, punch the bag," Steve suggested.

Ellie sighed, "Steve, this is stupid," She told him crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, it's not. Just try it, here," Steve said as he grabbed his tape, then took her hands in his as he wrapped up her hands, "That will protect them. Have you ever punched a bag before?"

Ellie looked at him, "You do remember I was a spy for five years, Steve."

"Honestly I did forget but just try it," Steve said.

Ellie took a breath and punched the bag lightly.

"Oh come on," Steve said, "Change your feet position."

Ellie looked at him, "You mean like this?"

Ellie pivoted and round kicked the bag then punched it, knocking it down, sand falling as it skidded across the floor.

Ellie smirked at Steve, "What were you saying?"

"Fuck El," Steve said looking at her wide-eyed.

Ellie ran her tongue across her lips and chewed on her bottom lip, "I hold back a lot Steve," Ellie admitted as she swallowed hard, "I'm afraid to show my strength, my feelings…"

Steve shook his head, "Ellie, you can tell me anything."

Ellie looked at her hands, "Only Bucky, and Shuri really knew. I am stronger than Bucky was in ways, but I don't use it."

"Punch me," Steve told her.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "No Steve, I will not punch you."

"Do it," Steve said as he held his hand up.

"No Steve," Ellie said as she turned around.

Steve grabbed her hand and pulled her around. Ellie swung her hand out and landed a punch on his nose then swept his legs out from under him causing him to look up at her from the floor.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pack," Ellie told him as she walked out of the room.

Steve sat up, blood dripping through his fingers, "Shit I think she broke my nose."


*~*~* April 26, 2019- Irvington, New York- 1 PM *~*~*

Ellie fastened Grant into his car seat then rechecked the girls, "All good?"

Steve nodded as he stood back after making sure Sarah was secure in her seat.

Ellie climbed into the pilot seat and switched on the switches to start the Dragon Flyer. The familiar hum of the Vibranium engines starting nearly made her smile.

Steve sat down next to her in the copilot seat and Ellie swallowed hard as memories of Bucky in that same seat overwhelmed her.

Ellie held her hand out in front of her, "Okoye."

In her palm, Okoye appeared, "Hello Princess, long time no talk."

"Secret permission to enter Wakandan airspace in seven hours," Ellie told her.

Okoye grinned, "Flying the dragon?"

"Yes," Ellie said as she taxied out of the garage.

"I will send the coordinates for the new airport," Okoye told her, "Either myself or one of the Dora's will meet you at the airport."

"Thank you, see you soon," Ellie said as she ended the call.

Steve got up and walked over to the row of carriers. Taking four bottles out of the bags, he handed Grant and Sarah each a bottle of milk, then held the twins' bottle to their mouths after turning the screen that they had installed on the wall on with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Ellie looked back at him as she switched on the final switches then hit the garage door closer, "All set?"

Steve checked to make sure Sarah and Grant had their bottles, "We are good."

"Are you sure you don't want to fasten?" Ellie asked.

"I'll be fine if they are drinking it will help with the ears," Steve said as Ellie started taking off vertically, "At least this one can take off vertically without too much jarring."

Ellie looked back after they were in the air, "How are they doing?"

Steve looked over them, "Sarah is starting to drift off, Grant is fighting it, Kasie drank the whole damn bottle, and Beckie working on it still. If we are lucky, we may get at least a quarter way there, if we are lucky halfway before they wake up."

"Here's to hoping," Ellie said as she put the shields up and headed towards New York City airspace.


*~*~* April 27, 2019- Wakanda- 3:30 AM *~*~*

Ellie opened her eyes and held her hand up displaying the time, "Shit it's 3:30… we still aren't there? Why didn't you wake me?"

"Because it was obvious that you were tired," Steve told her, "We are about 10 minutes away."

Ellie rubbed her eyes, "I didn't even think of us coming in this late. Is it too late to contact Okoye?" She asked as she yawned.

"Does she have to let us in?" Steve asked.

Ellie sighed, "I don't know, so many things have changed Steve. God Steve," Ellie said as she swallowed hard, "I left this place a year ago… I left him here, and now I'm returning without him."

Ellie put her head in her hands, "I am doing this for mother… but I don't know if I can."

Steve reached over and took her hand, "I'm with you-"

"If you say, until the end of the line I am going to hit you on the other side to give you a black eye for both eyes," Ellie told him as she groaned and looked at the kids, "Their sleep schedules are going to be so fucked up. It's what? 3:40 in the morning Wakandan time, it is 8:45 in the evening home time. How long has Grant been asleep?"

"For an hour, I think he got bored after dinner," Steve told her.

"We ate at 5," Ellie said as she yawned again, "Shit. Let me call Okoye we are only five minutes out tops."

Ellie held out her hand and Okoye appeared in her hand, "Sorry for the late call but we ran into some storms. We are less than five minutes out."

"Borders are open for you," Okoye told her, "I will meet you down there."

"Thank you Okoye," Ellie told her as she ended the call.

Steve continued on the flight plan that was in the computer and the familiar blue ripples of the air as they entered Wakandan airspace surrounded the Dragon Flyer, welcoming them.

"Welcome home," Ellie whispered.

Thankful for the first time that they were flying in during the night so that she could not see the changes in the landscape from above, Ellie saw the lit landing zone ahead. Steve easily landed the Dragon Flyer down on the landing pad. Turning the engine off, Ellie flicked the switch for the ramp to go down, and almost immediately Okoye walked on.

Ellie stared at her for a moment as she took in her sweatpants and old t-shirt. Ellie started crying as she walked over and hugged Okoye, who sagged and held onto her.

"How has it been a year?" Okoye asked.

"I don't know," Ellie said as she stepped back and looked at Steve to see him looking at them confused.

Okoye looked at Steve, "Hello Captain."

Steve looked at her, "Ooh," He said as he saw her shirt, "That's the Washington DC team isn't it?"

"It was…Sam's," Okoye told him.

Steve pursed his lips, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"That was because of me. The Dora Milaje cannot be in relationships," Okoye told him as she looked at the row of baby seats, "You do not travel light anymore do you?"

"Nope," Ellie told her, "We multiplied the kids by two. Two more, double the stuff."

Okoye looked down towards the carriers, "How are they? The Queen said the one had some problems."

"Beckie's lungs are getting stronger thankfully but they are doing great," Ellie told her.

Okoye looked at them, "The palace apartments are finished, would you prefer to stay there or somewhere else?"

Ellie swallowed hard, "It is time to come back. It is time to quit running."


*~*~* April 27, 2019- Wakanda- 1 PM *~*~*

Ellie opened her eyes and sighed as she laid on her back.

"Kitty?"

Ellie looked over where Grant was in his porta-crib as he babbled, "Ugh Grant, at least you are awake."

"Mama?" He asked.

Ellie pushed herself up, "Yes Mama is up, welcome back to your birth country little man."

"Hi Hi," Grant said with a toothy grin as she pulled him out of the porta-crib.

"Let's get you fed, and maybe dressed before your sisters start waking up," Ellie told Grant as she put him on her hip and carried him out the door and by second nature ended up at a wall where the hallway used to be. With a sigh, she turned in the opposite direction and went to the improved kitchen.

"Hopefully something is left and not expired," Ellie said as she opened the cabinets, "Well Damn… only Daddy's Pop-Tarts are left," Ellie said, "… they are good for a few more months. They were in the back… still sealed. So I guess you are getting a special treat."

"Dada yums," Grant said with a toothy grin as she gave him a piece to try and he nibbled on it, "Num num."

Ellie sat watching Grant eat small pieces of the Poptart and smiled. Getting up when there was a knock on the door, she opened it to greet Steve.

"The door won't open for me anymore," Steve told her.

"Don't worry, I went out to the kitchen to get a glass during the night and it didn't recognize my handprint so I broke into their new system and made it let me in," Ellie told him as she sat back down next to Grant, "Want a Poptart? All that was left in these cabinets was Bucky's Poptarts in the way back."

Steve smiled as he set Sarah on the floor, "Bucky having sweets? Who would have thought?"

Ellie looked at Steve as she broke off more pieces, "I'm trying to make sure my kids eat healthier and less sugar, but I am sure they inherited his sweet tooth. Grant prefers fruits over veggies. Look at him, he loves the Poptart already.

She groaned when she heard Kasie start to fuss, then Beckie started to cry, "Be right back."

Stepping over Sarah, Ellie walked back to the bedroom and picked Beckie up then did the same for Kasie. Carrying them out to the kitchen area, she laid Beckie down onto the blanket next to Sarah, "Did she already eat?"

Steve nodded, "I had some of her baby cereal bars in her bag."

Ellie sat down and started feeding Kasie then looked at Beckie, "You better want Mommy over a bottle today Beck, Mommy doesn't feel like pumping first."


After finishing their minimal breakfast, Ellie and Steve split off to get dressed for the day and to dress the kids.

Ellie fastened the girls into their stroller then Steve took Sarah on his hip, held Grant's hand on the other side, as they walked out of the apartments to the royal offices, where Okoye had told them Mother was preparing for the day.

A few people gave them a double glance as they walked through the hallway. One of the Dora was standing at the door and smiled at them as she saw them, "I see we are being invaded."

"Good to see you again, Rouge. Is she in?" Ellie asked.

Rouge opened the door, "Queen, you have guests."

Ramonda looked up as they entered, "My word," She said as she stood up as they entered, "When did you arrive?"

"Last night in the middle of the night, we wanted to be here today," Ellie told her as she hugged Ramonda.

"Oh my love, I am so glad you are here," Ramonda said hugging her tightly.

Ellie rubbed her back, "We figured it might be easier if we face the day together."

"Oh, there are my girls… video does not do them justice. Look how big there are," Ramonda said amazed as Kasie smiled at her, "They are smiling?"

"Kasie does it more often," Ellie told her as Beckie started crying and she unfastened her, pulling her out of the stroller as Steve set Grant and Sarah down, "What is wrong sweetheart?"

Beckie buried her face into Ellie's chest.

"Want to hold her?" Ellie asked Ramonda.

"Of course," Ramonda said as she took Beckie, who started crying again and reached out towards Ellie.

"Silly girl, it's Nana," Ellie said rubbing her back.

"Hi my lovely girl," Ramonda said, "What is all the fuss about?"

Beckie's cries quieted as she looked up at Ramonda.

"You recognize my voice, don't you? Yes, it's me. My sweet Beckie," Ramonda said.

Beckie quieted to small hiccups then smiled at her.

"There's my girl," Ramonda said as she looked down at Grant, who had attached himself to her leg, "Hello my love."

"Nana," Grant said.

"He gets a little… jealous right now when we pay attention to the girls moreover him," Ellie told her.

"Very normal," Ramonda said as she set Beckie down then picked up Grant, "How is my strong warrior?"

Grant showed his arm like he was showing muscle and Ramonda laughed, "Oh I am so glad you came. Tonight's celebration will actually be a celebration."

"Celebration?" Ellie asked confused.

"Instead of mourning over the lost going to the heavens, we are celebrating their lives. I think… we need to have another celebration if you are okay with it. I think it is time for the girls' introduction to the world," Ramonda told her.

Ellie bit her lip, "Do you think tonight is appropriate?"

"Yes," Ramonda said, "What more of a celebration than a celebration of their lives?"

Ellie nodded, "Then yes, we can. I have no clue where Grant's gown is though. It probably was lost."

Ramonda smiled, "I have Shuri and T'Challa's. Tonight, we celebrate."


*~*~* April 27, 2019- Wakanda- 6 PM *~*~*


Ellie let out a breath, "I can do this."

Steve rubbed her arms, "Are you sure that you want me out there too?"

"Yes, you are my family. In turn, you are part of this one as well," Ellie told him as she hugged him.

"Ready?" Ramonda asked as she walked into the room in her ceremonial dress.

Ellie picked up Kasie and let Steve place Beckie in her other arm as he took Grant and Sarah's hands.

Ramonda went to the doors to the balcony and opened them. A roar of cheers greeted Ellie's ears as Ramonda stepped out.

Ellie and Steve walked over to just outside the balcony as Ramonda suggested.

"I welcome you all today, not in sadness but celebration. I pray that the souls of those that we lost are looking down from the heavens smiling upon us today. We did not lose everything that day. Some lost more than others, others lost less than some. If anything, the event and the suffering after, has brought us closer than ever," Ramonda announced, "I am proud of our country but I am also proud of my daughter, Princess Elizabeth."

There were murmurs in the crowd.

"My children, T'Challa, Shuri, and James… were lost a year ago today, but spared were Elizabeth and her child Prince Grant," Ramonda stated as she looked back at Ellie with a smile, "In the darkness, there will be light."

Ellie stepped forward and she saw herself on the large screen.

Ramonda smiled down at the girls, "Bast has blessed us again, by two. I am proud to announce the birth of my twin granddaughters."

The crowd cheered.

Ramonda took Kasie in her arms, "I am proud to present Princess Kasie Faith Winifred Barnes, named after Doctors Kasie and Nalia, as well as Princess Rebecca Shuri Wanda Barnes."

Ellie stared out amazed as the crowds cheered.

"My son James was taken for us, but three pieces of him remain with us today in my grandson Grant, and granddaughters Kasie and Rebecca. Today we celebrate life, we celebrate rebirth and a new chance. I send forth you all to love those who are left and love those who we have lost. Live every day as if it were our last," Ramonda stated.


*~*~* April 27, 2019- Wakanda- 11 PM *~*~*

Ellie walked out of the bedroom area quietly closing the door, then walked out to the common area where Steve was sitting.

"Are they asleep?" Steve asked.

Ellie nodded, "Skipping their nap was either a good thing or a bad thing," Ellie said as she sat down next to him

Steve laughed, "Sarah was sure cranky."

"Well they are going to bed as if it was 3 pm our time," Ellie told him as she tucked her feet under her.

"Well we made it through the day," Steve told her.

Ellie scoffed, "That we did. One year down… who knows how long to go," Ellie said rubbing her eyes.

"He'd be so proud of you," Steve said as he hooked her with his arm and pulled her to him, "I know I am."

Ellie bit her lip, "I've been seeing a therapist. She told me I have severe depression, postpartum depression, survivor's guilt… post-traumatic stress," Ellie told him with a sigh, "I'm sure we all have some of that though."

"Why'd you end up going?" Steve asked as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Ellie sighed as a tear slid from her eye, "I.." Ellie cleared her throat, "That day in the pool. It scared me."

"Knowing what… happened in the past it scared me too," Steve admitted.

"I wasn't… I wasn't trying to harm myself but… I swear I saw him, Steve," Ellie cried, "And… my well being didn't matter because as long as I could see him I didn't care. But then you pulled me out and I stormed back upstairs, lying in bed I thought about it and the kids… I couldn't do that to the kids," She drew in a shaky breath, "I love them Steve, but Kasie and Beckie just seem… different than Grant. I am connecting with them but not like I did Grant. She tells me it's part of postpartum depression. All I know is that if it came down to showering or sleeping, which I struggle with anyway, I'll choose sleep right now."

Steve rubbed her back.

"It sucks Steve, it's like it's 1945 for me again," Ellie told him sadly, "But I… I have hope now, and I have the kids and you. I'm not at the place I was when I jumped from that train platform."

Steve kissed the top of her head, "I wish I had been there with you that day, to know who that man was so I could thank him a million times over for saving your life."

Ellie shook her head, "I don't even remember his face, I don't think I even… cared. I was so numb at that point Steve, nothing mattered. Plus I hit my head and got knocked out when I was back on the platform."

"Does your therapist know about it?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Ellie stated, "It's the reason I have to do daily check-ins with her. She… she says I'm not suicidal. Not anymore but I have tendencies. So she wants me on medication but… with the girls and the serum… we are trying straight therapy and see if that works."

"Do you think it helps?" Steve asked.

Ellie nodded, "I know it does but…" She sniffed, "I'm used to being the strong one. To do it myself was to be seen as weak."

Ellie jumped as there was a quiet knock on the door, "Come on in," She said wiping her eyes.

Ramonda walked in carrying two bottles of wine, "You left early. I thought I would bring you some wine."

Ellie smiled, "Thanks, Mother."

Ramonda set the wine down and retrieved glasses as Ellie got up, "So how long will you two be here for?"

Ellie sighed, "Probably only until tomorrow. I have to be at work Monday morning."

"How has it been going?" Ramonda asked.

"Pretty good. Still earning respect," Ellie told her sadly, "It gets better every week."

"It is the bad part of a male-dominated field," Ramonda said opening the wine.

Ellie leaned back against the counter, "I just figured with Pepper being the CEO, some of them would be more… progressive but she was also the owner's girlfriend. I'm just… Steve's sister," Ellie told her as she heard Steve go into the bathroom, "That has been an issue too… and Bucky. Many… people are on Tony's side still on that issue. I'm the wife of the man who killed the original owner. My friendship with Howard doesn't matter to them."

Ramonda poured Ellie and herself a glass of wine, "You are always free to come home. With Shuri gone, the lab would love to have you."

Ellie smiled at her, "I know but… I love being here with you… but…"

"It's not the same without him," Ramonda stated.

Ellie nodded.

"Well when the time ever comes, you are welcome here. Don't forget that," Ramonda told her.

"Thank you Mother," Ellie told her as she accepted the wine thankful that she had extra bottles pumped.


*~*~* May 1, 2019- Irvington, NY *~*~*

Natasha sat down on Ellie's bed and folded her feet under her, "You have your dress?"

"Yes, for the cemetery and the dinner with the president," Ellie told her from within the wardrobe.

"Makeup?" Natasha asked looking through the suitcase.

"Essentials are in my bag. Pepper has her makeup artist coming for tonight," Ellie told her as she walked out with her dress bag, "We are only staying tonight, so I am not taking the large suitcase. We should be back by dinner tomorrow at the latest."

Natasha grinned, "Ellie, quit worrying. I have this."

Ellie sighed as she sat on the bed, "This is the first time I've left the girls."

"They will be fine. Annabelle offered to even stay the night. I have her upstairs," Natasha told her.

Ellie bit her lip, "At least one of those rooms will get used. What room are you putting her in?"

"Wanda's room. Sam's has all the boxes still in it," Natasha told her, "I even told Annabelle that she was free to set it up the way she wants or leave stuff here in case."

Ellie nodded, "Probably a good idea. Between traveling and meetings, we may need her help at night, and if she is willing..." Ellie bit her lip.

Steve came to the bedroom door, "You almost ready?"

Ellie sighed zipping up her suitcase, "Yeah, it's only one day."

Steve grabbed her bag for her.

"I can get it, Steve," Ellie told him as he carried it towards the elevator.

"I cannot wait until all the kids can safely use the stairs," Steve mumbled.

Natasha grinned as she looked at Ellie, "He tumbled down the stairs last night."

Steve hit the button, "Natasha," Steve warned.

Natasha grinned, "What just telling the truth. For a superhero with great coordination, you sure get defeated a lot by baby gates."

Ellie snorted as she grabbed the handle, then wheeled her suitcase into the elevator.

"You know what Romanoff-" Steve said as they walked into the elevator.

"You know, you better use that while you can…eventually it won't work anymore," Natasha told him with a grin, "If you go 'You know what Rogers' it doesn't quite work the same when it will be both our names."

Steve looked at her with a lovesick grin and Ellie tried not to smile. Since they had moved into the house, she had noticed the distance between Steve and Natasha so she was glad to see them having fun with each other and even joking about the wedding.

Ellie led the way off the elevator and walked down the hall to where Grant and Sarah were sitting with Annabelle, while the girls napped.

Ellie knelt next to Grant, "Grant baby, Mommy and Uncle Steve are getting ready to leave."

Grant frowned, "Bye, bye?"

"No honey you are staying here," Ellie said as she got up and walked over to the kitchen, "I have been pumping since the weekend, so I should have enough bottles. If we start running low-"

"Mix a little of Beckie's formula in it. I know," Natasha told her with a smile.

"Grant!" Steve said shocked.

Ellie looked over to see Grant throwing his toy cars.

Annabelle went to pull him into a hug and hit an invisible wall.

"Shit," Ellie said as she walked over to Grant, "Grant honey, I see you are upset. Mommy doesn't want you upset but Mommy and Uncle Steve will call tonight and I will be back tomorrow."

Grant pouted as he threw another car and Ellie held her hand up as it stopped in front of her face then hung in the air before falling gently to the ground.

"You have Aunty Nat that will be here," Ellie told him as she reached out and touched the field.

Grant's bottom lip quivered, "Nat?"

"Yeah Grant, I'll be here with you and Annabelle and we will have so much fun," Natasha said as she came over to sit next to him.

Ellie's hand went through the field and she pulled Grant onto her lap, "I love you, Grant."

"Lub Mama," Grant mumbled.

Annabelle looked at her confused, "What was that?"

Ellie sighed, "So Bucky… he had a level of shielding powers. He passed them on to Grant. That is what you saw when he is scared or upset… sometimes it comes out. It is not dangerous but it is his way of protecting himself."

Annabelle nodded.

Ellie looked at Natasha concerned.

"Go, we have this. Worst comes to worst, I'll call you and it will give you an excuse to get out of there earlier," Natasha told her with a grin.

"I may appreciate that," Ellie told her with a wink as she looked at Steve, "Ready?"

Steve nodded as he kissed the top of Sarah's head then Natasha, "If you need us we are just a phone call away."

"Go, have fun. Don't let him talk you into anything stupid," Natasha told him with a grin, "Like leading a committee or something."


*~*~* May 1, 2019- Washington D.C. *~*~*

Ellie stood in the hotel room in Washington D.C. looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"How do you like it?" The makeup artist that Pepper had sent in asked.

Ellie gently touched her face, "I like it. Very natural."

"Do you need help getting into your dress ma'am?" The woman asked.

"No, I can put it on myself but I appreciate the offer," Ellie said as she walked over to the bathroom and shut the door.

Unzipping the bag, she saw a nice tasteful dress that Pepper had purchased for her, "Ooh matching shorts for underneath."

Slipping on the shorts, Ellie slid the dress on then looked at herself in the mirror. Reaching behind her, she tried to fasten the neck but couldn't get the tiny buttons into the holes.

Stepping out of the bathroom, she saw Steve was back, sitting on his bed in his suit, "Steve can you help me?" Ellie asked.

Steve looked up and smiled, "You look amazing," He told her as he got up and walked over to her.

"Thanks," Ellie said sweeping her hair to the side.

Steve carefully fastened the buttons, "Pepper pick this dress?"

"Yeah," Ellie said as she turned and looked at him, "Bought it too. I may end up having more fancy dresses than normal clothes. She said I cannot wear the same dress twice. Eventually, I'm going to have to donate some."

"You do look amazing though," Steve told her smoothing her hair back into place.

"Where'd you go?" Ellie asked turning to him.

"Just… to see some familiar sights," Steve told her with a smile.

"Let me just put my shoes on and we can go," Ellie said as she grabbed the box of shoes and opened it, "Shit Pepper."

"Are those like four inches?" Steve asked surprised.

"At least, damn her," Ellie said as she grabbed his arm and put on the first one then slid on the second, "I might have to use you as a crutch tonight."

"I'm here for you," Steve said as Ellie grabbed her purse.

"Thank you, Michelle," Ellie said to the makeup artist, as Steve held open the door for the makeup artist after she had packed up all her things.

"No problem, I left my card on the desk if you need me again," Michelle told her.

"Thank you," Ellie said as Steve shut the door behind them and Michelle left, "Ready for this?"

Steve nodded, "I just hope that Tony is on his best behavior."


A man opened the door to their limo as they reached the White House.

Ellie accepted his hand and got out of the limo, "Thank you, sir."

Steve walked around the limo and held his arm out, so that Ellie could put her arm through his, "Ready for this?"

"Let's do this," Ellie said as they slowly walked up the pathway, "Have you ever been here before?

"No, you and Bucky were here before right?" Steve asked as they walked through the door that was held open for them.

"Yes," Ellie said as a set of doors opened and a man stepped out.

"Hello Captain Rogers, Mrs. Barnes, this way please," The man said.

Steve led her through the doors to a room where Pepper and Tony were already sipping on drinks.

Pepper smiled as she saw her, "Ellie, Steve."

"Hey Pepper," Ellie said walking towards her, and Pepper caught her as she nearly tripped, "Shit."

Pepper laughed, "Probably should have gotten smaller heels, I just figured with Steve you'd want to be a little taller."

"I am used to being the short one, Steve and Bucky, well after the serum, were the same height," Ellie told her as she looked over at Tony, "Hello Tony."

Tony walked over and hugged her, "So you just had twins, what… four months ago?"

Ellie chuckled, "Nearly five, but yes."

"You don't look it," Tony told her as he looked over at Steve, "Hello Steve."

"Hi Tony," Steve said walking over to him and holding out his hand.

Tony shook it, "So I hear that you are retiring? You don't look like the typical retiring man."

Steve laughed, "I am old enough to be."

The doors opened and a couple walked in.

"Hello everyone," The man said.

Tony walked over to him, "President Hixson, it's a pleasure to meet you," Tony said as he shook his hand, "This is my wife, Pepper."

"Hello Mrs. Stark," President Hixson said as he took her hand and kissed the back of her hand.

"Hello, it is a pleasure to meet you," Pepper said.

President Hixson turned to Steve, "Captain Rogers, it is an honor to meet you," President Hixson said as he shook Steve's hand then looked at Ellie, "And Mrs. Barnes… I cannot believe I am meeting you at last.

"Sir," Ellie said with a smile.

"Everyone this is my wife Mary," President Hixson introduced.

"Ma'am," Steve said nodding to the woman beside him.

"Miss Romanoff did not join us?" Mary Hixson asked.

"No ma'am, she stayed home with the kids," Ellie informed her.

"Well if you follow us to the dining room, the first course should be ready," Mary told them with a smile.


Ellie groaned as she kicked her heels off the moment they stepped into their hotel room, "I'm so glad to have those off."

Steve chuckled, "You only tripped three times. You did well."

Ellie scoffed as she sat on her bed, "Only three times," She told him rubbing her feet.

Steve sat on his and faced her, "So… the government wishes for us to take an active role."

Ellie shook her head as she flinched hitting a tender spot on her arch, "I can… by helping them through Stark Industries, outside of that… no dice."

Steve bit his lip, "I was serious with him. Maybe a consultant but nothing active."

Ellie got off her bed and sat next to him, "Steve, it is your life. You control what you want to do now. If you want to be a superhero… I'm there for you. If you want to be in the Army again, I'm there for you. If you want to just be a stay at home Dad slash Uncle… I'm fine with that. We do this together, whatever you choose. Hell, you didn't even bat an eye when I told you what Pepper asked me the day I had the twins," Ellie said as she took his hand, "I'm here for you, whatever you need. If you need child care, I take all four kids with me to work and they are with me at Daycare. You have put everyone else's happiness before your own for so long, it is time for you to take care of yourself."

Steve bit his lip, "I don't know how to do that."

Ellie sighed, "It is hard, but I know you can do it. I know you don't want to hear it but… I think you'd benefit from talking to a therapist too. I know there are things you probably don't want to talk to me about or even Nat."

"When she is there," Steve mumbled.

Ellie rested her head on his shoulder, "That is something you need to speak to her about too. I know she is just trying to … take the mantle but she can't do it all herself. There is nothing really for her to do is there?"

Steve shook his head, "I am afraid that… she is just doing it to be away from us. She never thought she would be a mother and then she was, she was blind-sighted. Looking back… I never asked her if she wanted to be one. She has struggled."

Ellie played with a bead on her dress, "It is my fault too. I took off when she needed me to help her. I'll try to reach out to her more."

Steve kissed the side of her head then yawned, "I don't know about you, but I am going to bed."

"I'm going to take a shower then head to bed myself, " Ellie told him, "Go ahead and do what you need to do first."

Steve got up and walked into the bathroom.

Ellie moved back to her bed and laid back staring at the ceiling, "Buck, what I wouldn't do to have you here right now," Ellie whispered.

"I thought you were taking a shower," Steve said.

Ellie jumped and sat up, "I am."

Steve grinned, "You were just snoring."

Ellie scoffed, "I don't snore."

Steve snorted, "Yes you do."

Ellie got up and grabbed her bedclothes, "Do not, Bucky did, but I don't. Goodnight."

Ellie closed the bathroom door behind her after entering and sighed as she stared at her reflection.

After a quick shower, Ellie walked back into the room and Steve was already under the covers. He didn't move after she walked past, so Ellie assumed he was already asleep. Gently folding the dress, she put it into her suitcase and combed her hair out before climbing into her bed.

Lying on her back, she listened to Steve's quiet breathing. Closing her eyes she thought back to after Bucky's accident at the cabin. They had spent the night at the compound while Bucky recovered. Feeling the familiar heat in her brain, she opened her eyes and found herself next to a sleeping Bucky.

Ellie rolled onto her side and stared at him as he slept. She used to love watching him sleep. From his long eyelashes that covered the dark circles under his eyes, to the lines that smoothed out on his face when he was truly relaxed. While he slept peacefully, he was almost the Bucky she had married back in 1943. Carefree, relaxed, and without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Bucky groaned as he opened his eyes, those long eyelashes dancing against his face.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Ellie said as smiled at him, "How's the leg feeling?"

Bucky blinked as if he was clearing his eyes then smiled, "Hello beautiful. Where are you visiting from?"

Ellie sighed with a smile, "May 1st, 2019… it's been over a year since you've been gone now. I'm actually in Washington DC," Ellie told him reaching out to take his hand, "The President, the new President Hixson invited me, Steve and Nat, Pepper, and Tony to have dinner with him to open the new memorial for those who were… fallen. Nat stayed behind with the kids, and Tony and Pepper don't do public appearances anymore, so it is just me and Steve here at the hotel. It's nice but… too big. Hopefully, he doesn't wake up and can't wake me up. I freaked you out once doing that," She told him with a smile, "Tomorrow we are going to Arlington National Cemetery for a small ceremony. Hopefully, it will be small."

"You and Steve are sharing a room?" Bucky asked with a grin turning towards her

Ellie laid her head against his chest and smiled as she heard his heartbeat, "Why waste money with two rooms. I'm working for Stark Industries and Steve is thinking of going to college to become a counselor and is counseling survivors. The Avengers never really were paid after Shield's collapse. Tony just provided everything to the compound after. Oh, and royalties for merchandise," Ellie told him as she shook her head against his chest, "Do you know how weird it is that… I walked down the street the other day and ran into a couple. The girl had a shirt on with Steve's shield… and my face was on her boyfriend's shirt. Of course, he didn't recognize me in real life."

"Wait, you are a superhero now?" Bucky asked surprised.

"After the Accords fell, so many… super people went public but… I had to use my powers to stop this attempted robbery and I didn't have my face covered. People suddenly knew what I could do," Ellie told him with a laugh, "I kind of wish that the new President would lose my phone number honestly. He calls me and Steve a lot. Tony said he just puts him on hold and never answers."

Bucky laughed.

Ellie rolled onto him straddling his waist, "I miss you so much. It doesn't seem right without you here."

"You need to do something fun Angel," Bucky told her rubbing her hips.

"I don't have time for fun Buck," Ellie told him shaking her head, "Being with you is the only fun I get time to have. I love him dearly but Grant is a handful. When he gets mad he gets in his little shield bubble and throws toys just I can't get into the bubble unless he lets me."

Bucky shook his head, "I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to tell you."

"He's essentially going through his terrible twos. He is a year and a half but developmentally he is two," Ellie told him as she looked down at him, "Pepper and Tony are about to find that out the hard way… sans powers that is."

"Nooo, there is going to be a mini-Tony?" Bucky asked with a laugh.

"Yep, she is due in October," Ellie told him as she leaned down and kissed his shoulder.

Bucky laced his fingers in hers, "How long do you have? I mean, before Steve might wake up."

Ellie grinned, "Enough time, he just went to sleep."

Bucky rolled her onto her back, "Good."

Ellie giggled as she looked up at him, "Isn't… vigorous activity going to be painful for your leg?"

Bucky captured her lips in a bruising kiss, then cupped her breast in the palm of his flesh hand. Ellie gasped as he took one nipple into his mouth then the other, sucking and licking until she was just a puddle of goo.

Ellie pulled his shirt up over his head, then captured his lips again. In short work, Bucky had them both unclothed and was placing open-mouthed kisses down her body.

"Bucky… don't…. my stretch marks," She said trying to push him away.

He kissed her thigh and looked up at her grinning, "They are parts of the sexiest part of you. Evidence that you held our son for nine months. The serum couldn't erase it, so I think it's amazingly sexy."

Her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation as he placed a kiss below her belly button then moved down kissing and nipping at her skin as her legs fell apart. She couldn't help but grab at the sheets as she felt his breath hot against her then she cried out as his tongue touched her clit.

"Shhh…" He said, "Don't wake Grant."

"Fuck," Ellie moaned as she writhed under him as he slid one, then two fingers into her as he sucked on her clit. With a curl of his fingers, she was overcome by waves of her orgasm.

She fisted his hair as he kissed back up her body then kissed her lips.

Ellie flipped him onto his back and he looked up at her surprised, "You were injured. You need to rest."

Taking him in her hand, she started slowly and kissed down his chest. When she got just below his navel, he stopped her, "No, no… I want to be inside you."

Ellie reached her hand out and a condom soared into it.

Bucky grinned, "You are getting better."

Ellie chuckled as she tore it and rolled it onto him, "I'll admit I use it more than I should. I'm too lazy after work to get off the couch."

Straddling his hips, she positioned him then guided herself slowly onto him. Taking her time, she laced their fingers together and braced herself on his shoulders as she began to slowly rock.

Ellie stared down at him, their eyes locking and Ellie tried her best to hold it together. Reaching up, Bucky pulled her down into a gentle kiss and she cried out against his lips, "I'm so close."

Moving his hand down between them, he touched her as he started snapping his hips up against hers. Before she knew it, she felt her body tense as she cried out and he groaned at his release.

Collapsing onto his chest, he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her, "Are you okay?"

Ellie kissed his chest, "I'm with you… I'm great."

"But… seriously… are you okay?" Bucky asked rubbing her back.

Ellie sighed as she rolled off him, "I will be. I started seeing a therapist."

Bucky turned onto his side to look at her, "You didn't…"

"No… but there was an incident that… scared me and Steve. I was in the pool and… I swear I saw you in there with me," Ellie told him as a tear rolled down her face, "I was under… for a long time. Enough that my lungs were screaming at me. Steve dove down and pulled me out. I scared both of us though. I just wanted to see you."

Bucky kissed her, "I'm not there, Angel. I wish I was but… you can't torture yourself."

Ellie swallowed hard and buried herself into his chest, "I know."

"Even if I am not there I still love you. I may not be there but… if you look up at the moon-"

"I can see your love," Ellie said swallowing hard.

"Exactly, baby," Bucky said as he kissed her then leaned his forehead against hers, "You have to be there when I get back."

Ellie nodded as he wiped her tears, "I will be, I couldn't do that to you, Steve, the kids."

Bucky gave her a slight smile, "What about Nat?"

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Her too."

She settled in on his chest, "Just hold me."

"Gladly," Bucky said as he kissed the top of her head, "I love you."

"I love you too. So much," Ellie told him into his chest.


a/n3: Hello all, stick with me. It will start getting really... interesting soon ;) Please read and review, even a more soon, so that I know people are reading! Thank you all! Stay safe, stay healthy!


Preview of Chapter 104- Never Going to Love Again

Ellie stood up, "I'm sorry, I need to use the bathroom."

Steve watched her walk away then closed his eyes as the bathroom door shut. He looked at Joey, "I have no clue if there are such things as soul-mates in this world," Steve said quietly, "But if there are, Ellie and Bucky were two of them. She doesn't speak about it, I doubt she will, but the pain she is in every day…" Steve trailed off as he shook his head, "I can't imagine what she feels. They are and were two halves of a whole. To suddenly be missing that piece of you? She has said it is like struggling to breathe every moment of the day. I couldn't imagine living like that."