Author's Note: 100 Chapters! Wooo hooo… Thanks for sticking around this long and hope you have enjoyed it so far. Still more to come… so stay tuned….

Chapter 100 Truth and Consequences ''Part 3''

Prime P.O.V

Her next words spoken in a low, venomous whisper stilled my spark, ''Who is Phoenix?''

My optics widened in shock, first at hearing Elita say her name and then in shock that she had somehow heard me say her name through our bond. Until now only feelings could be projected. /It doesn't matter how she found out/. I closed my optics again, as I let a wave of pain, shame and relief wash over me. /She knows now/.

I opened my optics to find Elita, her arms wrapped so tightly about her delicate frame, as if she was trying to prevent herself from falling apart. Her face was turned away from me and her expression was one of utter anguish and sorrow. I have only ever had cause to hate myself as much as I did in this moment twice before– moments ago when Elita confessed what had happened when she had been captured and the other incident involved the only other femme I loved. My spark broke into a million pieces and I felt as though I would fall to my knees from the weight of my guilt and deception, though I somehow managed to stay on my pedes.

I started to walk towards her, my servo outstretched in a silent plea to listen, to try and understand what I was about to say. ''Elita, I owe you an explanation and a profound apology.'' I flinched as I watched her recoil from my proffered servo and take another pace back from me. Only minutes ago, we were as close as we had ever been, and now – we might as well have been in separate galaxies. ''Though you have every right to choose not to listen to me, I beg you listen to what I have to say.'' I paused trying to gauge her reaction.

She did not look at me. She did not speak. She merely nodded, almost imperceptibly. I shuttered my optics quickly and cycled air through my intakes. ''Thank you Elita.'' I sighed out loud. ''In order to answer your question, which I will as you deserve to hear the truth, I need to explain to you what has happened to me since we parted ways all those years ago. This is something I have wanted to do since you first arrived here but there was never the right time.''

Elita gave a loud, derisive and bitter snort before she spat out a terse reply, ''Hunh! Something tells me Optimus Prime, that there would never have been a right time to say what you are about to say.'' For a moment she turned her optics to mine and the pain, anger and sadness reflected in them rocked me to my core. Elita walked over to the rocks we had sat on previously. ''You might as well continue, as you said I deserve the truth and to be honest, I demand it.''

I nodded. ''Very well.'' I paused a moment to try and gather my thoughts. ''Following our separation that terrible day,'' I paused to let the memory wash over me, ''I tried to stay connected to you through our bond. For a while I could still feel you, and that connection brought me great comfort. As the millennia slipped by, our connection began to fade.'' Elita flinched slightly and hung her helm. ''At the time I had no idea what was happening. I knew we would have both been busy with leading our respective teams through the war, but I could always feel ''you.'' That steady, quiet presence within me.''

I walked over to the rock and sat opposite her. ''Then, one day it was as though you vanished. I could not feel you anymore.'' I recalled the pain, fear and sorrow I felt back and allowed it to flow through our bond. Elita gave a gasp and looked away, as though she could not bear to look at me. I continued in a soft, sad voice, ''I now know why that happened, but at the time.'' I paused a moment. This was always so hard to say. ''I thought you had died.'' My voice had caught, and I slumped my shoulders in defeat. It was as though I was back in that moment – in some small way I was.

Elita slowly, hesitantly reached out her servo and placed it on mine though she did not speak. I smiled softly at her in thanks. ''For many years afterwards, I wondered why I did not die along with you as I should have.'' I gave a derisive snort of my own, ''Now I know.'' I looked at Elita. ''Elita, I now understand why you did what you did with our bond. It was an act of true selflessness and bravery. However, I hope that you bear in mind as I continue to explain to you my actions up until this point – I honestly thought you were dead.''

Elita ex-vented deeply and removed her servo from mine. Again, she did not speak only nodded her understanding.

''For millions of years afterwards, I was consumed by grief, guilt, sorrow and anger. I blamed myself for not being there to save you. I regretted my decision to leave you and – I missed you.'' I raised sorrowful optics to hers, hoping she would see the truth of my feelings reflected in them. ''Despite what you might think in this moment, I loved you Elita.''

At this she made a small sound like a sob and brought her arms up to wrap about her frame again. I wanted to reach out and hold her, but I knew it was not a wise idea. ''Eventually, my path led me to this planet and my Autobots and I set about retrieving the Allspark. This led us into the path of some human allies we now call our friends. Lennox, you have met, and some other humans.'' I cycled air through my intakes as I gathered the strength I needed to talk about Phoenix to Elita. ''One of these humans was a woman named Orianna Conners, or OC for short.'' I felt myself smile softly as memories washed over me.

Elita snapped her helm up to look at me then, a look of utter disbelief on her faceplates. ''You mean to tell me you fell in love with a human?'''

I closed my optics. ''The short, truthful answer Elita, is yes. I did. But she was no ordinary human, she was special.'' I waited to see what her reaction was.

Elita shot to her pedes, her servos on her hips, ''You mean to tell me that I lost your spark,'' her digit pointed accusingly at me, ''to a human woman? Someone not even of OUR species?'' Her voice had risen as the incredulity of the situation sunk in.

I stood also, holding my servos out in front of me pleadingly, ''Elita I understand how ridiculous this might sound to you, and on some level how it may be perceived as insulting, but please, let me finish explaining the nature of the circumstances and why my feelings for her developed.''

Elita folded her arms across her chest and shot me a stern glance, ''She must have been some remarkable, incredible human if she was able to win your spark.'' Elita sat back down, though her expression remained unchanged.

I gave a sad smile, ''She was Elita. In fact, she reminded me a lot of you.'' At this Elita's expression softened and she looked away, embarrassed or upset, I could not tell. She had shut down her side of the bond, understandably. I sighed out loud yet again as I also sat back down. ''This woman, OC, as she was known, was remarkable in many ways. She was intelligent, compassionate, brave, loyal, humorous and determined. She also had a special gift that set her apart from other humans. She had psychokinesis – she could manipulate and move things with her mind.'' I heard Elita gasp and her optics widened in shock. ''So, you see Elita, this human had many things in common with you.''

Elita gave a small nod, but her face remained neutral as she processed what I was saying. I took her silence as permission to continue in my explanations. ''During the battle with Megatron when the Allspark was lost, OC used her powers to save Jazz's life,'' Elita's optics snapped to mine as if seeking confirmation of this fact. I nodded slowly. She looked away, an unreadable expression settling on her features. ''OC also played a hand in helping to protect another human friend, Sam Witwicky and myself from Megatron's wrath. You see Elita, like us, OC believes most strongly in protecting those who cannot protect themselves, she believes in justice and in using her gifts to help others.'' I paused a moment, a small smile playing at my dermas as I allowed my processor to recall those early memories of OC. ''She had the spark of an Autobot even before she became one of us.''

Elita turned to look at me, a quizzical expression on her face, ''What do you mean ''before she became one of us''? Isn't she a human? Did she pledge allegiance to our cause?''

I smiled softly at Elita. She never missed a thing. /Just like Phoenix/. I chose not to answer her questions but continued in my narrative. ''After the battle with Megatron and the loss of the Allspark, the Government of this country decided to align themselves with us. We became part of a group called N.E.S.T, a team dedicated to locating and eradicating Decepticons. We were given haven on an island called Diego Garcia,'' I fixed my optics on her, ''a place we called home until two years ago.'' I looked away sadly.

Elita nodded, ''I remember. What I don't understand is what this has to do with Phoenix, or OC, and how she became ''one of you.''

I shuttered my optics and fought off the small flash of annoyance at Elita's impatience. /Also, like Phoenix/. ''OC asked to join our team and follow us there. She explained how she had no family and had always felt different, never fitted in, until she met all of us. She told us we felt like family to her. We could not refuse her request. I could not refuse her request.''

Elita gave a small snort of indignation, ''So, you fell for her that quickly?''

I shook my helm slowly, ''No Elita. At that time, I did not feel anything towards OC but a mutual respect. I admired her courage, her honesty, and her loyalty. And that is how it remained for a time. I confess I was curious about her as there seemed to be more to her than meets the eye. She was an enigma,'' I gave a soft chuckle. I blinked my optics and looked off towards the river. ''Then one evening as I went to talk to her down on that small beach that became her favourite place..''

''So that's why you didn't want to go there to talk with me that day before we left Diego Garcia? It's because of her wasn't it?'' Elita's voice was soft and introspective, as if she was trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together herself.

I nodded slowly. ''Yes.'' A simple, honest response. ''We had a brief conversation, and I was about to leave when she told me she was sorry. The comment threw me off guard as I did not know what she had to be sorry for.'' I looked at Elita then. ''When I asked her what she was sorry for she explained she was sorry ''For all you have lost. For all of those you have lost.'' I paused a moment. ''She was referring to you Elita. Jazz had told her about you and I and how, we had assumed you had perished.''

Elita shuttered her optics rapidly and looked away, unable to look at me as she processed this information. I sighed out loud, ''I reacted badly to her words as I had locked away my pain over you for so long, and now, it was a raw, bleeding wound again.'' Elita continued to avert her gaze, wrapping her arms about her in an effort to comfort herself, /just like OC would do/.

I stood up and walked towards the riverbank, folding my arms across my chest. ''I did not want to process those emotions. Had not had to confront them for millennia so I avoided her – I kept my distance from OC for six months.''

A small, tentative voice interrupted my reverie. ''And OC – how, how did she feel about this? I assume she had feelings for you too?''

''OC was very upset, though she kept it to herself during that time. It wasn't until another evening when I went to talk to her and apologise for my reaction that I became aware of how badly I had upset her.'' I closed my optics and recalled the scene as though it were only yesterday. ''I found her on a beach alone, crying. When I asked her what was wrong she had told me she was ''fine''.

Elita interrupted, ''But she was not fine. Why would she say that? I thought you said she was honest?''

I opened my optics and turned to face her for a moment, ''Such a contradictory expression is something I have observed about people, mostly females, on this planet. They tend to say they are ''fine'' when really, they are anything but! It is a bizarre social and emotional response that I have yet to fully understand.'' I sighed out loud. ''I think she was just trying to protect herself – protect me. Anyway, I questioned her as you just did, asking if someone had hurt her and well – she let me have it.'' I gave a small chuckle as I recalled her reaction. ''She screamed at me, ''Yes, someone did hurt me!'' When I asked her who, she screamed at me, ''You did you bloody clueless idiot!''

The sound of laughter erupted from Elita as she must have pictured the scene. I raised my optical ridge in silent question, ''Oh Optimus, despite my reaction just now, if I wasn't so hurt and angry, I might actually like this OC – this Phoenix.'' Her laughter died down and once again Elita's face was cloaked in impassivity.

I returned my gaze to the rapidly flowing water, ''She certainly had a way of endearing herself to everyone. Anyway, I apologised to her for my cold actions and she aplogised for invading my privacy and saying something she should not have.'' I turned once again to look Elita in the optics. ''I told her that I had not had the chance to grieve your loss. That you were the other half of my spark and that when you died, a part of me did too.''

Elita raised her helm and offered me a sad smile, her optics filled with sorrow and regret and – thanks. ''I am so sorry Optimus. I thought I was protecting you, saving you.'' She lowered her helm again. ''In truth I just caused you – us - unnecessary pain.''

While I wanted to walk over to her and comfort her yet again, I refrained. ''It is okay Elita. I understand. All we can do each day is try to make the right choices. And then live with them.'' She nodded ever so slowly. I returned my gaze to the river, it helped me to gain my centre. ''OC could tell I was upset, and she offered me comfort. She knew I distanced myself from others so I would not feel the pain of loss I felt with you. She knew how deeply I cared about everything and everyone and how I would tear myself apart trying to protect those around me. She knew the thought of letting my Autobots down gnawed at me. It pushed me to hold on when I thought I could not, forced me to get up when I got knocked down and helped to hold together the shards of my broken spark even, when it felt as though it must shatter into a million pieces to let the pain escape.''

My voice had trailed off to a faint whisper as I recalled almost word for word what OC had said to me in that fateful moment. My spark both pulsed with love towards her and ached with the depth of my loss. ''I remember in that moment feeling a connection with her and to her. This human woman seemed to know me better than I even knew myself. She saw me. And she accepted me.''

I turned to face Elita who seemed to be looking off into the distance, her helm nodding almost imperceptibly. ''She reached out to me and offered me a light in the darkness I had become consumed by and ever so slowly – that light drew me in. It saved me.''

I looked away then, overcome with emotions and memories, though I continued speaking. ''She told me that although she ''never had the privilege of meeting you Elita, that you must have been a lot like me, special and that you felt the same way about your Autobot femmes.'' I heard a faint gasp from Elita at my words. ''She reasoned with me that had it been me that died instead of you, that although you would have grieved and been spark broken, you would have gone on – fighting each day to help your femmes and find peace for them.''

I paused again to let the words sink in, hoping in some small measure that Elita would begin to understand why I fell for this woman – why Phoenix stole my spark. '''She told me that you would always be in my spark, that those we love the most never truly leave us. She was the one who encouraged me to carry you forward in my spark, not hide you away in the depths of my processor. She helped me to start the journey towards healing.''

I watched Elita carefully as she processed this. She closed her optics and raised her servo to her dermas, holding back a silent sob and nodding her helm. ''OC offered to be someone I could talk to about you, about anything. She pleaded with me not to shut her out, that she only ever wants to help me – to help all of us as she cares about all of us. We were her family.'' I stopped speaking for a moment. I did not trust myself to continue at this point as I felt waves of grief and loss wash over me.

A tentative wave of comfort and reassurance gently brushed against our bond. I snapped my optics up to look at Elita. She smiled softly at me. ''I am sorry for your loss Optimus Prime. I am starting to see why this OC, this Phoenix, means so much to you.'' Her smile faded. ''I am still a long way off accepting it, but I can at least acknowledge her qualities and I…. I understand why your spark was drawn to her.''

I sent a wave of thanks, of comfort, of relief back towards Elita through our bond along with a warm smile, ''Thank you Elita.''