Chapter 101 – Truth and Consequences – Part 4

Prime P.O.V

The bond was once again closed off as Elita prepared to listen to the remainder of my explanation. ''So. When did Phoenix become ''one of you'' and when did you realise you loved her? How long were you together before I returned?'' Elita once again folded her arms over her chest as she rapidly fired questions at me awaited my response.

I walked back to where she sat and once again settled beside her. ''Well to condense all that happened to succinctly answer your questions, about three years after the events that lead to the destruction of the Allspark, we found ourselves facing Megatron once again. He had been resurrected by a shard of the Allspark that had been found the day he perished and had been kept in safeguard on Diego Garcia. It was all part of a plan that had been manipulated by The Fallen, one of the original 13 Primes who fell from grace with his evil machinations. Sam, the boy who killed Megtron in Mission City by shoving the cube into his chest instead of mine, was once again caught up in our war when he touched another piece of the Allspark shard that had somehow found its way into his jacket he wore that day.'' I looked over to Elita to check she was following my story so far. She simply stared back impassively.

I stood to my pedes and began pacing, as if the movement would help me deal with recalling the painful memory of OC's transformation and the fact we nearly lost her. ''You see OC had travelled to Sam's place for a visit following a rather painful experience for her. In the three years to this point OC met and fell in love with a man called Chase Ryder.''

A snort from Elita, ''Oh I bet that tore at you Optimus! I recall how jealous you would get when Magnus showed the slightest interest in me.'' She allowed a wry smile to form on her dermas.

I stopped my pacing and had the grace to look embarrassed for a moment, ''I did Elita and yes, it did tear at me. Over those three years OC and I had grown close and I had come to realise I had feelings for her that I should not have. I saw her as more than a friend, but I was in denial. Besides, I knew she loved Chase and I would do nothing to ruin her happiness. I cared about her too much.'' A painful twist of the spark as I recalled both Chase and that point in time.

''I assume they broke up?'' Elita mockingly asked.

I fixed her with a stern stare, ''No. He died.''

Elita gave another small gasp and hung her head in shame. ''I am sorry. I did not know.''

I ignored her apology and continued on, ''OC travelled to Sam's place to help cope with her loss and for a change in scenery. It was while she was there that she too touched the same shard Sam did. Except, it cut her and some energon and tiny pieces of the Allspark entered her blood stream. Along with her gifts she had this set off a chain reaction of events within her body that led to her – transformation.'' Elita was looking at me intently now. ''What followed were some of the scariest days of my life as OC's life hung in the balance. Her body was changing. She went from being a human to being a transformer like us.''

''Slagging hell! She did what?'' Elita's shock was written all over her face, her dermas wide open as she took in what I had said.

I sighed out loud. ''OC, through the power of the Allspark, and as we found out not long before you were restored to us Elita, by the power and will of Primus himself, OC ceased being a human woman and became a female Autobot.'' My optics dimmed at this point. ''I was unaware of this at the time as I had been killed by Megatron as I have explained to you previously.''

Elita was shaking her helm from side to side as she processed all I had told her. ''If it had not been for Sam and his belief that I could be revived by the Matrix, I may still be a part of the Well of the Allspark. Anyway, Rachet told me later that when OC found out I had been killed, she almost died herself. Her grief at my loss so soon after also losing Chase, almost caused her to use her new gift she had developed – that of pyrokinesis – to explode herself. Rachet saved her and managed to explain about the Matrix and how I may be brought back to life. She clung to that hope. That was what saved her.''

Elita spoke in a voice that sounded detached from her, ''She really loved you, didn't she?''

I nodded, ''She did.'' /I hope she still does/. ''Though like me, OC knew she felt more for me than friendship, she also was in denial about the depth of her feelings towards me. When I returned and was repaired, we almost confessed to each other how we felt but Rachet stopped us. He knew we needed to take time to get to know each other as we are now – not as we once were. In the end he was right. It was hard trying to ignore how we felt but we did. For another three years we buried our feelings, processed them. I allowed her time to heal from her loss of Chase, she allowed me time to adapt to her new form and the new dynamic in our relationship. You see, now she was a transformer we were able to express some physical form of feelings that were impossible before. We were able to embrace each other, this brought a whole new level….''

''Yeah, yeah I get it… we can skip this part thanks,'' Elita's voice was cold.

I felt myself shrink from embarrassment and shame as I had not taken her feelings into consideration during this part of my retelling. ''Of course. I am sorry Elita. Anyway, it was a further three years, until we realised we could no longer hide our feelings. After we learned of Sentinel Prime's betrayal and we ended up battling him and Megatron in Chicago, Phoenix saved my life, she saved all of us really, arriving right when we needed her and turning the tide of the battle. We both nearly dying during that fight and that gave us the incentive to admit we had feelings for each other.''

Elita looked thoughtful for a moment, ''So… basically you both finally got to be together two years ago, just before I arrived?''

I raised sad optics to hers and nodded. ''Yes Elita. The day before you awoke in the Med Bay was the first day OC, or Phoenix as she now called herself due to her new powers, had together – alone.'' I shuttered my optics sadly and looked away from Elita for a moment. ''That morning before I found out you lived, that was the morning Phoenix told me she loved me for the first time. That she had always loved me and always would.''

My voice dropped to the faintest whisper, ''I did not have the chance to reply before Jazz knocked on our door to alert us to… your arrival. Once I saw you, and Phoenix saw my reaction to you, she worked out who you were and she left. I wanted her to stay in the room with me when you awoke, but she would not. She knew I needed to greet you by myself after all our time apart. Though it would have broken her spark in two, she left me in that room with you alone.''

I felt my servo move to cover my spark as it pulsed painfully, and I made a sound like a moan as I recalled that moment she flew out of my life. ''As we left the Med Bay, Rachet had alerted me to the fact that Phoenix was on our beach, very upset and about to make a decision. I saw her as we stood outside the Med Bay. She looked at me one last time, tapped her servo over her spark in a gesture we shared that came to mean ''you are in my spark, always'' and she turned and ran.'' Another moan and I felt my shoulders sag with the weight of renewed grief. ''She left me Elita.''

I heard Elita stand to her pedes and cautiously approach me. I did not move. I could not bring myself to do anything but stand there and clutch at my spark. I felt a comforting servo on my arm as Elita came to stand before me. ''I am so sorry Optimus. Truly I am. But, if I may ask, if she loved you so much, why on Cybertron did she leave you? Especially after she just told you she loved you?'' Elita's optics held confusion but also gentle kindness in them.

I closed my own optics and ex-vented deeply, trying to expel all the pain and grief I felt. ''I am still trying to process that myself some two years later. Rachet believes she left me because she loves me. She knows how much I grieved over your loss. She knows our time together was cut short and, because she loves me so much, she wants me to happy,'' I cast sorrowful optics towards Elita's stunned face. ''Even if that means her happiness is lost. She is trying to give us a second chance to reconnect our relationship, our bond.'' I closed my optics again and felt myself sink slowly to the ground, overcome with the renewed pain and sense of loss I felt. The sense of betrayal and shame I felt over my actions with Elita tonight also weighed heavily on my spark.

Once again, I heard and felt rather than saw Elita move to kneel in front of me. She gently replaced her servo on my arm. After how I had behaved tonight, after hearing all I had said to her, she still was able to show me kindness and compassion. /I did not deserve her. I did not deserve either of them/. The poisonous thought once again wend its way through and around my spark, tightening its grip as I knelt there - broken.

Elita's servo under my chin made me open my optics, ''Have you spoken to her since she left Optimus? Do you know if she still lives?''

I felt myself recoil at her words and the thought that maybe something had happened to her since Rachet's last report. ''No, I have not spoken to her Elita. Though I have desperately wanted to, I am honouring her wishes and her sacrifice. I have tried to take the gift that has been given to us and reconnect, pick up where we left off but….'' My voice trailed off. I had already caused Elita so much pain. ''I am sure she still lives as Rachet has been in contact with her at my request, and he has assured me she is alive living somewhere in Northern Siberia. Though it has been some months since our last contact and, since the increased attacks on Decepticons…'' I could not bring myself to continue that train of thought.

Elita removed her servo from under my chin, ''I am sure she is well. From what you have told me of this Phoenix, and if she is indeed anything like me, she is tough.'' A small, wry smile spread across her dermas, ''tougher than you know. She will be okay. She will survive, even though it may break her spark to be separated from you, she will find a way to go on.'' She gave me a sad smile then.

I felt myself blink my optics as Elita's words sunk into my processor. /Was she talking about Phoenix or herself?/. ''Elita I'm…''

Elita held up her servo and I promptly stopped speaking, ''You said just now that you tried to reconnect with me, pick up where we left off, yet you didn't finish that sentence.'' She fixed determined optics on mine, ''Tell me the truth Optimus, despite your actions earlier this evening, do you have feelings for me anymore? Do you love me?'' Elita had folded her arms over her chest.

I raised my optics to her and opened our bond once more to show her the sincerity of what I was about to say. Elita deserved nothing but the truth from me. ''Elita, of course I have feelings for you. I will always have feelings for you, care for you deeply. I held your spark in mine for millions of years. You are such a kind, compassionate, loyal, brave, amazing femme, how can I not have feelings for you!'' Elita's arms unfolded from across her chest and wrapped about her frame as she looked away suddenly overcome with emotion. I closed my optics for a moment as I prepared to say the words I should have told her two years ago. ''Elita, I do love you..''

Her optics snapped up to mine, for a moment hope shone brightly in them but just as quickly as that hope had flared to life, it was extinguished as she saw the look I must have had on my face. In a soft but determined whisper she prompted what she knew I must surely say, ''but…''

At her sudden look of hope I was almost undone, but I had to forge on. I gathered what remained of my courage and fortitude and I looked her in the optics, as she deserved. ''I am no longer in love with you.'' Elita's optics closed tightly as she allowed my words to sink into her. ''Though you will always be in my spark, my spark now belongs solely to Phoenix.'' Her face contorted in pain for a moment and she clutched at her spark, just as I had done moments ago. I started to reach out for her, I sent waves of comfort and reassurance towards her, but they were forcefully and viciously repelled, and her side of the bond was shut down. ''Elita, I am SO sorry. I tried to reconnect with you as we once were…''

''Why did you kiss me? Why did you do that if you knew you weren't in love with me anymore? How could you be so cruel Optimus!'' her voice was filled with hurt, anger and confusion.

''Elita I am so sorry, truly I am. I never meant to hurt you, but I can see that I have and for that I am deeply sorry.'' She simply fixed hard optics on me. I cycled air slowly through my intakes as I tried to explain my actions. ''I returned your kiss tonight because for a moment it was as though we were back on Cybertron before we were separated. For a moment I thought I could love you as I once did. In that moment I allowed all of the pain and lost love I felt towards you to escape, to be channeled into that kiss but in the end I couldn't… all I could see was…'' I cast my optics away from her.

''Phoenix, as you kissed me you saw her,'' Elita's voice bitterly supplied.

I nodded. ''I'm sorry. I could not bring myself to lie to you, to hurt you or her any more than I already have. That is why I stopped and that is why I refused your advances. I am so sorry Elita. I hope one day you may be able to forgive me and accept the fact I never meant to hurt you. WE, never meant to hurt you.''

Elita's optics were closed once again and her arms were wrapped about her waist tightly. She nodded once before she rose to her pedes. ''Thank you for your honesty Optimus Prime..''

I raised a servo towards her, my optics pleading with her, ''Elita I….''

She raised her servo to still my words, her face emotionless and unreadable. ''Now, if you will excuse me, I am understandably tired and in need of some recharge.'' With that she nodded curtly towards me before stalking off to the other side of the clearing and transforming into her alt mode.

I watched her walk off and felt my spark ache anew with the knowledge I had hurt her badly. /What have you done? You have broken the sparks of the only femmes you have ever loved/. For a moment I considered going over to her to once again apologise and beg forgiveness, but I thought better of it. With a sad sigh I turned about on the spot to face the river and transformed into my own alt mode.

As I watched the silvery water flow rapidly ever onwards, I couldn't help the thought flash through my processor. /We've had the truth part…. Now come the consequences/. I just hoped Elita, Phoenix and I would survive them.

As I drifted into a light recharge, the mocking thought echoed through my processor and my spark. /What good has come of hoping for you?/. And with that thought, an icy vine of hopelessness wrapped itself about my spark, its thorns anchoring themselves firmly.