Heavy, everything felt so heavy.
That was the first thought that entered Todoroki Shoto's mind. He didn't know how to describe it any other way, he just felt heavy, like his body wasn't his own, trying to wake itself up from its hibernation like sleep.
Everything was such a blur, the boy struggling to recognize any kind of familiar sound or feeling that would tell him what was going on.
The sound of light beeping made its way into his ears before the boy forced his head to the side in order to hear the small tone better, now forcing his eyes open at the burry and dizzy surroundings around him.
Trying to speak, Todoroki managed to let out a heavy moan of pain before a figure from the left side of him seemed to jump up to the boy, terror etched in his voice for some reason. "Shoto?"
Groaning once again at the name, the boy tried to focus his eyes on the shape only to just barely make out the outline of burning fire coming off his costume, the man speaking once again a moment later. "It's alright, take it easy son. There is no need to rush."
At the word, Todoroki finally pieced together who the voice was, his lips pushing out any form of speech pattern he could, forcing himself to see the man better. "W-What.."
Although very quickly, Endeavor shushed him, pushing the boy back into the bed in authority. "None of that. You just woke up so you shouldn't be moving around. It's been three days after all.."
Three days? That's how long he was out? It didn't seem like that long. Although, that could've explained his weak muscles and heavy body. "Three days?"
Humming in response, Endeavor then sat himself down in the chair next him before nodding back. "Yes, and now that you're awake we can have Recovery Girl finish your healing. She wanted to wait until you regained consciousness anyways..."
Todoroki then forced his eyes towards the ceiling before trying to decipher what happened to have brought him here in the first place. Everything was such a mess right now, his mind wanting to go in a thousand different directions.
It was strange because a part of the boy wanted to relax and forget about whatever it was but the other half of him was suddenly anxious for some reason. It was like it was screaming at him to remember something important. But what could it be?
Voicing his concerns, the boy turned his head. "What happened?"
Although to his fear, the look that Endeavor gave him after that question was concerning in the least. He looked to be on the edge of tears, and that was something Todoroki had never seen before from his father. "Not now. You need to focus on recovering.."
Todoroki wasn't happy with that answer in the slightest though, now digging through his brain even more in order to remember what it was he was trying to hide. Whatever it was, it seemed serious. "You can't do that. If something happened then I want to know what.."
Yet that's when his eyes flicked towards the TV screen next to him as the news played in the background. The volume was muted but the boy could still read the same caption on the bottom, now taking in the war that he had fought in three days ago. ALL FOR ONE NOW IN CUSTODY, THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS STILL MISSING
That's right, the war.
Just then, everything slammed back into him before recalling the terror he had to live through. His brother and All for One. How could he have forgotten?
Endeavor saw his son's breathing pick up just slightly before reaching a hand to turn off the news quickly, before he heard too much.
He was just quick enough, the TV going dark just before a flash of a very familiar blonde haired girl showed up on the screen. One thing at the time. "Shoto.."
Although Todoroki's expression immediately turned frantic as he replied back a moment later, luckily not catching the sight of the girl, and the caption below.. "T-Toya..where is Toya...he was there..at the war...I saw him..."
At the name, Endeavor visually flinched before placing a hand to his son's shoulder. "Yes, I saw him too. But we don't have to talk about him now. You just woke up. Lets just.."
Very quickly rejecting that idea, the boy then frowned, his raspy voice filled with desperation and need. "No, I will not calm down. I want to talk to him. Where is he?"
Obviously, the boy was not about to let this go, causing Endeavor to hang his head in grief unknown to Todoroki. What the hell happened, why wasn't he saying anything?
He had only seen his brother for a brief moment but Todoroki still wanted to know more, he wanted to know his reasons, his thought process into the corrupted man that he was now. They weren't that close as kids but maybe now that they fully understood each other then they could..
Although his hopefully demeanor was quickly destroyed when Endeavor finally opened his mouth and delivered the worst news he had ever heard. "Toya, he..."
Sucking in a breath, the man finished brokenly. "He didn't make it out."
As each word slammed into him, Endeavor watched as his son seemingly processed at words, his eyes widening a moment later. Wait, no that couldn't be right. He just saw his brother, there was no way he was gone like that. He had just gotten him back. "W-What?"
The man then pushed his eyes away with known sorrow. "He gave his life to take down All for One, set off explosions with his own flames but ended up being too close to the blast. By the time we reached him, it was too late.."
Endeavor stopped himself a moment later, obviously trying to pull himself together but Todoroki was far too distracted to notice his fathers out of character mannerisms.
His brother was dead? No, it couldn't be. They had just talked, he had just found out about his identity and it was over? He never got to apologize, to thank him for saving his life or even speak to him about his childhood.
How could he have been so stupid, how could he not have noticed it for all this time? Was his brother hoping he would? Todoroki sure hoped not because then that just meant he had let him down yet again, just like he had as a child.
Yes he has mourned his oldest brother before and this time sadly felt the same as the last. Back then he was only a small kid, looking at his crying siblings with confusion.
And even if Todoroki finally understood that level of grief and loss, the boy still felt like he didn't deserve to cry, he didn't deserve to mourn. He was his brother and he didn't even get the chance to fully understand him, to know what brought him to his point.
Hot tears made its way into his eyes as a boy finally replied back, small and shaky. "I didn't even get to know him.."
And that broke Endeavor's heart, the man closing his eyes at painful past memories and decisions he wished he could take back. It was his fault, that the reason Toya was the way he was and the empty tears in his son's eyes was a reflection on his mistakes.
How many times did Shoto even get to see his brother? That was the part that made the man devastated.
Yes back then the man thought of Toya as just an annoying rebellious kid that would grow out of his anger but Endeavor had never expected for the weight of his decisions to be so crushing, so suffocating now. Why didn't he see, why didn't he actually look at his son?
Back then and now he was blind, too blind to notice what was plainly in front of him. "I know you didn't. None of us did."
Although that's when a flash of blonde and red appeared into Endeavors vision before another ball of emotion rang into his thoughts. No, that wasn't true. Amari knew, she knew who he was this whole time.
It was a realization that the man couldn't fathom, wondering how such a small girl felt to have that kind of weight on her shoulders. Every time they mentioned Toya, every type of scar that came up from the past, he now knew that it must have cut Bakugo deeper than the rest of them.
He wondered what he felt like, to try to piece together a family that was utterly hopeless, to wear Toya's ring even though she knew he was out there, to protect him by herself because she was the only one that would even look at him as a villain.
Endeavor then recalled her comparing herself to Toya too many times to count, the man not fully understanding how much unsaid hurt each word brought her. She was always pushing him to look for his family, to never give up and yet she was one that had faced that most silent suffering out of all of them.
That poor girl, what had she gone through because of his family, and why was he always so blind to notice it?
Coming out of his own foolish thoughts, he then watched as a stray tear leaked from his son's eyes, obviously still trying to process his words. "He can't be gone just like that. There were so many things I never got to say, so many things I wanted to know..."
To Todoroki, it almost felt wrong to cry, to mourn this man that he had only caught glimpses of for his entire life. "It's just like when we were kids. I failed him again.."
At that, Endeavor immediately perked up before placing a hand to his son in order to stop his dark thoughts. "No Shoto, it's not you that failed him. You were never given a chance to speak to him. If anyone has failed him, it's me.."
The boy didn't disagree with that but somehow found it hard to completely remove his part of the blame. Yes his father had kept him away from Toya as a child, but it was his own foolishness that neglected him as an adult.
Just then, the door opened next to them as a soft gasp was overheard throughout the space, Natsuo and Fuyumi covering their mouth in order to stop their tears. "Shoto, you're awake. Thank god.."
Running up to the boy in question, Fuyumi touched her brother's hand in order to prove to herself that he was indeed alive. "They said you'd pull through but couldn't get myself to believe that, not until I saw you."
Tears began to cloud Natsuo's visions at the same time, giving his brother space before stumbling out his words as well. "I-It's good to see you Sho. I'm glad you're alright little brother."
On further inspection, Todoroki could see the tear stains and dark circles under the eyes of his siblings, immediately knowing that they also felt that kind of unknown grief and sadness that he did. It was like something in them had broken completely.
It was as a damn inside of him broke at his siblings touch, feeling a faint presence of Toya in them as Shoto let his head fall into his sisters shoulder, the silent tears now falling freely and soaking her jacket.
He felt like that same fragile little boy that his father had broken many years ago, his brother and sister crumbling at the sight of Shoto before wrapping their arms around him in a tight hug.
Fuyumi held on to each painful word that escaped her mouth, knowing why he was crying. He didn't even need to say that. "I know, I know, but we aren't going anywhere Shoto, okay? Not now, not ever."
Feeling a soft hiccup under his breath, Natsuo's facade crumbled as well, reaching out to touch Todoroki's hand. He already knew that they needed each other more than ever but for Shoto, it was way worse for him.
For the horrors and things his little brother would soon have to face, Natsuo knew he had to be there for him, more than he had ever been before.
His brother then closed his eyes before letting out a shaky breath. "Fuyumi is right. I know we haven't been really close but no matter what happens, we promise to be here for you this time. We have to be.."
Natsuo's words were strangely ominous but Todoroki didn't have time to focus on them.
That was, until his brother said something that seemingly woke him up immediately. "Besides, no one expects you to be okay after everything. First Toya and now Amari..."
Amari.
That name seemingly woke Todoroki up all at once, his body forcing itself out of his siblings warm embrace before his mind immediately ran into one single direction, the very same direction that was screaming at him from the moment he had woken up. 'W-Wait.."
Suddenly everything crashed into him all at once. The war, Sir Nighteye's prophecy and her kind final words. How could he have forgotten, how could he have pushed her out of his mind until now? Amari, he needed to find her, he needed to see her.
Just then, his mind suddenly raced back to Toya. She knew about his brother this whole time. All of those cryptic messages and words, they were because of what she was trying to do. That foolish girl, how much was she carrying that he never noticed?
Twisting his eyes in confusion, Todoroki then looked between his siblings before feeling his breathing increase after each word. "A-Amari, where is she..?"
He watched as Natsuo's expression immediately fell before voicing back in a soft whisper, knowing he had screwed up majorly "What, you don't..? I thought you knew already.."
That brought a warning bell into the boy's mind as Endeavor spoke over him a moment later, clear anxiety in his tone. Wait, he knew about her and didn't tell him? What was that all about? "Natsuo, stop."
Although once the words were brought up, they couldn't be forgotten, Todoroki shifting over to his father before grabbing onto his costume with unsaid fear. "You know, don't you? Where is she...?"
The reflection in his eyes was one of grief. But who was he grieving, who was he mourning at that moment? Todoroki didn't know and that scared him even more.
At the same time, Fuyumi replied for him. "Shoto, I know you're worried but maybe now isn't the time. You just woke up and with Toya and everything, you might not be able to handle it just yet.."
Feeling his breathing quicken even more, Todoroki forced out another breath before shaking his head. Might not be able to handle it? Handle what, what happened to the girl he loved while he was uselessly sleeping?!
Clutching his blankets, the boy immediately glared back "I-I don't care. Tell me. If you won't then I'll find out myself.."
To prove his point, Todoroki then threw off his blankets in order to rotate his legs around as his family quickly put all of their arms to stop him, Fuyumi speaking first. "Wait, you shouldn't be getting up just yet..!"
Although the boy was determined, turning back to his family with a serious expression. "Then tell me."
Everyone seemed to look between each other in order to share some kind of unsaid conversation between each other before Natsuo sighed out roughly, exasperation in his voice. "Just tell him, He's bound to find out eventually anyways. Better to do it now."
They all then turned towards Endeavor as the man made his decision, knowing that they were right. It would be impossible to hide forever, given that Shoto now remembered the girl. "Shoto, Bakugo is..."
At his fathers gentle voice, Todoroki glanced at him before watching the man struggle with his words, only for Natsuo to speak for him, a slight stutter in his voice. "She's not doing good Sho."
Widening his eyes, the boy processed the words before Endeavor finally gained the courage to speak, his eyes full of regret and sadness. "Bakugo has been in and out of three surgeries so far but the doctors aren't hopeful. Between her quirk overuse and that enhancement from All for One, her insides were completely burned up."
And as each terrible explanation slipped from his fathers lips, Todoroki watched in silent horrors as Endeavor continued roughly. "Her condition hasn't changed and the doctors said that we should start thinking about.."
Although it seemed he didn't have the heart to finish the sentence as the boy fully began to process the words. Amari was going to die? No, please no. He had already lost his brother, he couldn't lose her too. It would destroy him all over again.
Looking down at his feet blankly, Todoroki couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and self hatred for himself immediately. He wasn't there for her, he had let her die without him. This was all his fault, for getting kidnapped, for her having to save him.
Please no, anyone but her. Sir Nighteye's prediction, it came true just like she said. He couldn't save her. What kind of hero even was he, failing the women he loved. "N-No, no you're lying. Amari isn't, she's not going to.."
Although one look from the rest of his family seemed to tell him everything he needed to know. While he was sleeping, while he had forgotten about her she was suffering alone. "N-No, please..not like this...I didn't want this..."
He felt a small hand on his shoulder as his sister's voice called out to his very obviously deteriorating state. "Shoto.."
But the boy quickly shook him off before a new burning desire entered his mind. "Take me to her. I have to see her."
Yet that idea seemed to be shot down immediately, Natsuo shaking his head. "I know how you feel but I don't think.."
Although any logical thought from the boy was whipped away the moment Todoroki heard about Amari. Now there was nothing else he wanted then to see her, to go back to her like they always had promised.
Narrowing his eyes, a lick of fire escaped from his scar as a boy hissed back with massive authority. "No, I don't care about anything else. I need to see her. She needs me. I know she does. I didn't even get to say goodbye to Toya so at least let me see her. I'm not letting her die without me, I won't..."
His plea seemed to shock his family, Natsuo and Fuyumi's faces crumbling before Endeavor closed his eyes in acceptance, already rising from his seat. "I already knew you'd say something like that. Come, I'll take you to her."
Todoroki didn't even notice the strange behavior from his father, the man already knowing that once Amari's name was brought up then it would be too late to keep him away. Him and that girl were just stubborn that way. They always were.
No, instead the boy raised to his feet immediately, stumbling for a moment as his siblings steadied him before following the man through the hospital with absolute intent. It didn't matter if his legs felt wobbly and uncertain. They needed to move, they needed to get her quickly.
And as he approached her room, the boy caught the sight of a group of very familiar faces sitting in waiting room chairs, gasping as Todoroki passed by wordlessly.
One of the voices in particular attempted to move towards him as Deku began speaking with heavy grief and relief all mixed into one. "Todoroki, you're okay.."
Yet the look from Deku's tear filled eyes caused the boy to turn away, still following his father as Amari's parents' expressions crumbled as well. They all knew that he was probably too distraught to speak so the group just let him pass by without another word.
Finally reaching her door, Todoroki immediately reached for the handle before Endeavor placed a firm hand onto his shoulder, stopping the boy's movements for a moment. "Shoto wait. You need to prepare yourself.."
That phrase brought a sense of fear into the boy, not knowing what kind of situation he was about to walk into, what kind of horrors would he have to witness first hand?
Yes he was scared but Todoroki also knew that Amari was waiting for him, that he couldn't be a coward now. "No matter what state she's in, she's still Amari."
Then before another moment of apprehension struck him, the boy quickly flung open the doors before the soft sound of beeping entered his eyes immediately, Todoroki forcing his body to take a step further in as he laid eyes on the woman he loved.
And Endeavor was right.
As much as he wanted to be strong, as much as he wanted to stroll up to her without a second thought, the boy couldn't help but remain frozen and the broken body before him, the one that looked so much like Amari.
There were various machines around her, all connecting small thick tubes and wires into various parts of her pale white skin, whiter than he had ever seen before. Her arms were covered in hundreds of burns and scars, with a bandage wrapped around her left eye, covering the surface entirely.
A small intake of breath could be overheard through the beeping as the mask upon her face gave oxygen to the struggling girl, Todoroki letting out his own breath of terror in the process. Because from his perspective, she already looked dead.
Forcing himself to take another step into the room, a very familiar head popped up from the other side of her bed. His large hand holding his sisters as Katsuki stared at his classmate in unsaid devastation. "Icy hot.."
He didn't yell at the boy or throw him out like back after the USJ incident. No, instead Katsuki let Todoroki move close to his sister before turning his gaze away in order to give him space.
He wasn't going to leave but even Bakugo knew how much he was probably hurting as well.
Before he walked into this room, Todoroki thought he could handle whatever he was going to see, he thought he was strong enough not to fall apart but looking at Amari now, the boy could already feel his eyes well up with tears. "A-Amari, it's okay I'm here now."
Taking another step forward, the boy suddenly felt himself loose all feeling in his legs as he crumbled down to his knees before grabbing Amari's other hand. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry it took so long for me to come back to you, but I'm here now..."
Her fingers were so cold, so deathly cold that it caused a choking sob to escape his throat before he could process it. "W-Why why does it have to be like this? Why are you the one that has to go? I don't want you too, I'm afraid to let you go.."
And as painful as it was, Todoroki tried to pull himself together, remembering every warning in his mind that the girl had given him throughout this past year, slamming into him all at once. He could still hear her voice, her sweet sweet voice through the sounds of his sobs.
"I'm not going to live forever, you know that."
"You don't understand. I don't want to get together just to watch you destroy yourself when I die. I will not be your downfall, I can't be.."
"Somewhere deep down you and I both know that! It's just the facts, Todoroki, I'm going to die and if we get closer, it's going to tear you apart."
"Shoto, just promise me that if this happens, you'll be okay..."
And yes, in a sense, Todoroki should have been prepared for his moment for awhile but now that it was actually here, it seemed like all of those past words hit him all at once, far stronger than they ever had been before. It didn't matter if somehow in his heart he knew this would be the result.
The truth was, Shoto was never ready for her death.
She knew that he would be broken because of this and yet he didn't listen. The boy was too blinded by his admiration and love for her.
But now that it was actually here, Todoroki couldn't contain his grief.
Squeezing her hand even tighter, Todoroki muttered towards her brokenly. "I'm sorry, I know you didn't want me to act this way but I can't help it. I love you Amari, so much. I-I know you were afraid of us because of this result and I want to show you that I'm okay but I..I just can't...not after everything...not after how much I love you...please don't be upset..but I can't pretend to be okay right now..."
He was stopped by choked sob, twisting his lips shut in agony before continuing. No, he had to finish this. It didn't matter if Amari was like this right now. She needed to know how much he loved her. "P-Please don't leave me. I can't live without you Amari. First and Toya now you, I can't lose you both, not like this..I won't know what to do..."
Although much to his devastation, Amari didn't open her eyes, she didn't move like he had pleaded her to do, causing Todoroki to fall apart completely, no longer silencing his cries for Katsuki. No, he couldn't do it anymore.
As the loud sounds escaped his lips, the boy felt so shameful. First because of the fact that he was crying like a little kid, like a scared small child that didn't know what to do.
But the second reason was because he couldn't bring himself to cry for Toya like this.
Yes he felt devastated about his brother but he had known Amari, he had seen her struggles firsthand, he had lived through her hardships. The same couldn't be said for his brother and Todoroki felt so dirty, not being this emotional for his own brother.
Perhaps there was something wrong with him after all.
He silently wished for another outcome, for a reality where he could have Amari and his brother together but even now the boy knew it was hopeless. It was too late to wish for those kinds of things, it was too late to hope.
For the boy was already completely destroyed.
One Week Later
Throwing a bunch of reports on his desk, Hawks flopped onto his chair before pouring himself another glass of alcohol and brushing the hair out of his eyes a moment later. The heavy bags around his eyes were more prevalent than ever as the hero lazily opened the file, not really caring what was inside.
The truth was, the bird hadn't slept much since the war, instead using alcohol to push himself through the day in order for him to get through his hero responsibilities.
He just couldn't help but think about the lifeless Amari that was still in that hospital bed, same as she had been since he found her a week ago. There was so much guilt and regret build up in his mind but the booze seemed to drown that out as well.
Yeah it wasn't healthy but Hawks could barely give a shit right now. He was just waiting for the inevitable now anyways, for his phone to ring in order to tell him that Bakugo had passed away, and that was something he couldn't focus on.
Sighing heavily, Hawks half read the contents before his door opened to reveal Endeavor with his arms crossed, obviously unhappy with his decisions. "You can't be seriously drinking again Hawks."
Yet the bird had just enough energy to raise a brow before the sweet burning liquid poured down his throat a second later. "Hey, we all cope in different ways. So, did you come to lecture me or is it actually important?"
His tone had a sharp edge to it, one that only Keigo displayed but the man didn't care about his fake ass commission character anymore. All of it seemed pointless now.
Stomping up to the bird, Endeavor then swiped the bottle away before scoffing. "I could care less what you do in order to cope but you are acting pathetic. Your rank is going to go down at this rate."
Hawks couldn't help but scowl at that. "So what? It's not like it matters right now."
Keigo then took another sip before Endeavor looked down at the vague hero before saying something that he knew would make him stop. "You know, Bakugo would lecture you if she heard that."
At the girl's name, Hawks' eyes widened before his expression fell. He knew she'd be ashamed of his behavior but this was the only way he could handle any of this. "Well she's not here. She's laying on her deathbed and I can't do anything about it, even if I wanted to..."
Endeavor couldn't help but let his shoulders fall as well before opening his mouth in order to bring the bird some kind of comfort, knowing how hard it was for him right now. Hawks was her trainer after all, he had gotten to know her scars as well, just like Endeavor. "Hawks.."
Although that's when someone knocked on his office door before opening the door a moment later, his red outfit with a chicken on the front of his hat standing out more than anything. "Sorry to interrupt. I have a delivery for Hawks."
Twisting his head up at that, the hero narrowed his eyes before waving his hand away immediately. "I didn't order anything."
Yet the delivery man only stepped into the office before holding the paper bag out to him. "The name on the order is to Hawks, so here you go."
Yet Hawks was slowly losing his patience from all the alcohol in his system, already trying to push the man out of his office.
It was impossible for him to have ordered chicken, he had barely eaten all week after all. "And I said it's not mine. Look buddy, just leave us alone."
At his rough tone, the work pulled the boy bag before frowning and getting the message before muttering under his breath. "Seriously? They even made me wait over a week to deliver it too..."
Hawks didn't think much of his words, that was before the boy muttered once again, reaching for the door in order to close it. "I mean, I should have known better. What kind of name is Chickadee anyways?"
Almost immediately, Hawks felt his feathers twitch before lifting his wings out in anxiety, running towards the delivery boy was newfound interest. "Wait, what did you say the name for the order was again..?"
Twisting his brow in confusion, the boy lifted up the bag before replying. "Uhh it says Chickadee, and it has a little note on when to deliver it. I thought it was your birthday or something since it seemed to be a surprise but I guess it was just a prank. Sorry I'll get out of your hair.."
At his explanation, Hawks' eyes widened in shock. There was only one person that he called chickadee, and that was Amari. But that was impossible, she was still at the hospital right now. What the hell was going on?
Wanting to get to the bottom of this, Hawks quickly threw up a fake grin before sending a few feathers towards the fast food bag, like it was the most important thing to him now. "Whoa whoa hold there. You know what, I just remembered that someone did say something about an order. Oops must've slipped my mind!"
The delivery boy looked at him like he was crazy but did in fact let go of the bag in order of Hawks' feathers to bring the object to him. "Uhh right. Well, enjoy."
Hawks nodded halfheartedly before using his feathers in order to shut the door in front of the boy, his full attention only on the bag in front of him. "Yeah thanks."
And though Endeavor found the action rude, he ignored it and instead stared at the unknown package as well. "What is it Hawks?"
Yet the bird only shrugged before pulling out a small six piece chicken nugget box, the same order that Amari had given him after he had used his manipulation tactics to break her. That couldn't have been a coincidence. "I don't know.."
Then his eyes glanced towards the small writing on the top, the handwriting already bringing tears into his eyes. It was Amari's handwriting.
Keigo,
I know what you wanna do you stupid bird, but only read yours
Amari
Twisting his expression at her words, Hawks then reached further into the bag only to pull out four pastel colored envelopes with various names on the front, protected by a small tiny flower sticker on each one.
Almost immediately, Hawks wanted to tear open all of the letters but then he remembered Amari's words before stopping. She knew he wouldn't have any self control, didn't she? That's why she wrote that, so that he couldn't be nosy. Smart chickadee.
Hawks then flipped through the letters before finding the name HAWKS written in black cursive writing on a yellow envelope and flipping through and reading the other three names. These were to them?
Noticing his silence, Endeavor spoke up. "Well, what is it?"
Although the bird was too entranced to listen, quickly turned the yellow envelope over before tearing the small flower sticker in order to find a matching yellow paper folded inside.
Hawks then lifted the contents out before reading the words on the page quietly, his eyes scanning each word with unsaid devastation.
Keigo,
Surprise! I bet you didn't see this coming did you? Well, if you are reading it then it means things aren't looking good for me. But it's okay, I've known that since the beginning, in fact that's why I wrote all of these letters for you all.
I'm going to be honest Keigo, when I first met you at the Japanese Hero Billboard Chart I thought you were one of the shadiest people I've ever met, and that's saying a lot. I always knew that there was something about you, something that you were hiding and when you offered to train me for my provisional license I knew there were alternative motives for that as well.
But as we grew closer, I realized that what you were hiding was rather simple. You were afraid, afraid just like me. You were trained to believe that you didn't matter, that you were just a soldier for the commission and nothing more. You didn't believe you could be saved and you certainly didn't think you could be anything more than just a puppet.
And you ask how I know these things, how I can read your mind and tell what kind of hidden fears you have? Well, it's because I have them too. As much as I try to hide them, I completely understand how you feel.
So even if I'm not there, I'm going to tell you this. That woman, she was wrong, she was so wrong about you.
Not as Hawks,
But you as Keigo, are such a wonderful person, someone that's destined for so much more than just the commission. Even if you can't see it yet, I can. I can see the person that you will become, the person you were always meant to be, the person that the commission was always afraid of, and the person that will make you finally love yourself.
Also if you are like me, you are going to feel guilty for not being able to help me after hearing about my death. But silly bird, you've already saved me enough so now it's time to save you, okay? That's the decision I've made, that's why I stole your phone and left you out of the plan.
It's not because I didn't trust you, it's because I wanted you to be safe, to carry on what I've been trying to do this past year and protect people like us. I know you can do it, I know you can do anything Keigo.
And I know it may be selfish but please look after Katsuki, make sure he's okay after everything. That boy, as much as he loves to hide it, he tends to blame himself for things he can't control. I want him to open that agency and I want him to be the best damn hero the world has even seen. Please make sure that happens, please help him find his way again.
Thank you for being the first person to look at me and see a hero.
-Chickadee
When he finished reading, Hawks' eyes immediately clouded over with tears before lowering his head into the paper in order to stifle a sob. Kid, don't do this to me. Don't say these kinds of things, I don't deserve it, I wasn't there for you when it mattered, I failed you.
Endeavor couldn't help but watch the display with confusion, narrowing his eyes at the ever crumbling bird. "Well, what is it?"
That seemed to wake the bird up, jumping slightly at his presence before lifting a pastel orange one in his direction, a tiny shake of his hand in the process. "It's from chickadee, she sent these."
At the sound of her name, Endeavor practically tore the envelope out of his hands before seeing the name ENDEAVOR written in the same solid black cursive as Hawks'. She didn't..
Although once the man began to read the contents, even the number one hero was taken back by what was on the page.
Endeavor,
Yeah, I know you probably don't wanna hear from me right now. I'm about to do some stupid shit and odds are, it isn't going to turn out well. But just listen to me for a minute old man, then you don't gotta worry about my stupid antics anymore.
I know I can be a pain in your ass but I really am grateful for you. Yeah you were kind of an asshole when I first met you but then you gave me a chance that no one else was stupid enough to try. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten this far, so thank you for that.
You believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself and that is something that I will never forget. And as tsundere as you may be, I know that you care about me too in your own way.
That's why I don't want you to ever stop fighting. Even if it's hard, even if the public hates you and your family never comes around, keep fighting like that stubborn bastard you are. You were meant to be number one no matter what anyone says and I think you're a pretty great hero to me.
But I know you're going to say that doesn't mean much so ignore that if you want.
Also I have something to tell you and for once, I'm glad I'm not alive for this because I feel like you'd probably kill me if I was.
Your son Toya, I've known that he was alive this whole time and I'm sorry for not telling you or giving you a name but I promised him that he would have to be the one to reveal all of that when the time comes.
Just, don't give up on him, okay? I know he needs you, even if he won't admit it himself. I guess stubbornness runs in the family, huh?
I might be a disgrace to the Todoroki line now but I ask, please be there for Shoto and your family, your entire family. Show them what I see, a great hero.
I hope I made you proud Endeavor, even if it was for a short time.
Your favorite (yet only) trainee
-Child
After he read his foolish nickname for her, Endeavor couldn't help but stare at the paper blankly, a thousand of unsaid emotions going through him all at once. What was that idiot saying, of course her words meant something to him.
And hearing first hand about her interactions with Toya, the man couldn't help but shallow down a heavy ball of emotion at them. She was right, of course he would've killed her if he had found out about these things on his own.
But now after everything, Endeavor was only destroyed, his mind flashing to past memories of the blonde girl before hanging his head in devastation. "That child really does what she wants, even until the end.."
He felt tears make their way to his eyes before the man shoved them down a moment later, just as Hawks seemingly woke up from his trance, his feathers flapping widely before gripping the other envelopes. "I..I have to go..."
Already turning towards the door, Endeavor didn't stop him, only watching the bird leave before a single stray tear escaped his eye without warning, the man looking down at the letter with an immense amount of grief.
"Of course I'm proud of you."
Flopping a stack of papers down on the desk, Shinso forced himself awake because of the noise only for Aziawa to speak him out of his sleep even more. "Hitoshi, there's mail for you. Also, change your clothes already. You look terrible."
Shinso grumbled back before covering his face with his hands as his teacher then softened his eyes before placing a hand to the boy's shoulder. "I know it's hard, but Bakugo wouldn't have wanted you to act this way. Just, try to leave the house today?"
Nodding his head, the purpled haired boy tightened his hold on his arms before Aziawa sighed and left him alone. The boy hadn't left his house since finding out about Amari and he was starting to worry.
Although the man could also understand the grief he probably felt as the entire hero course was the same way. Bakugo was just that important to everyone. "Also Eri is worried about you, just so you know.."
Then he shut the door only for Shinso to half heartedly dig through the mail before his eyes caught on a light purple envelope with black writing across the top reading SHINSO in cursive. What the hell?
Shih Tzu
Hey, long time so see right? I hope Aziawa's not kicking your ass from all that training just yet. I gotta say, you were really cool back at when we fought and almost kicked my ass. I can already imagine what kind of badass hero you are going to be in the future from that.
I know we didn't really get long in the beginning but I just wanted to thank you for being such a wonderful support to me. Even when I lost my quirk and thought I wasn't good for anything, you sure smacked that right out of me, didn't you?
And anyone that calls you a villain is clearly blind because you were a hero to me. Unlike your parents or your grandfather you showed everyone just how strong you are, strong enough to make it into the place you wanted to be.
And yeah, I kinda did offer my spot for you and set up that whole training so that Aziawa would look at you but I'm glad I did. I'm so happy you found a family Toshi, you deserve it more than anyone else I know.
Don't run away from them, okay?
Now take my spot in 1-A and kick some ass
-Short Stuff
Once he finished reading, Shinso lifted a hand to cover his mouth in order to cry for the woman he loved before closing his eyes in order to stop the oncoming tears. That idiot, even now she was only thinking about him, about his future.
Then he re-read the part while it said that she had willingly manipulated him into that training just so Aziawa would look at him, just so he would have a change in the hero course. How dare she, how dare she care so much about him. She should've done more for herself instead.
Feeling a small hiccup escape his lips, Shinso couldn't help but mourn for the one he loved, the one that would never know his feelings. He didn't think she'd ever know how much he was impacted by her. "Amari, I love you.."
Just then, the door next to him opened as Eri popped her head into the dark room before looking at the purple haired boy with sadness. "Shin-Shin, are you okay? Why are you crying, are you sad?"
Jumping at her voice, Shinso then laid eyes on the small white haired girl before reaching out and hugging Eri with silent tears, vowing that he would do what Amari had asked from the letter.
He couldn't run from them, not anymore. "Yeah Eri. I am sad."
Feeling the tears hit her face, the little girl's face crumbled before tightening her arms around the boy in order to help him in the best way she could. "It's okay brother, Eri is here."
At the word, Shinso immediately froze, always having brushed off the title but now this time. This time, he knew better. "I know, I know you are. Brother is here too, and he always will be.."
Leaning back in the chair he had occupied for the past week, Todoroki pushed himself back before reaching for Amari's cold hand once again. Nothing had changed but neither Katsuki or the boy had left her side since that day, only leaving for food and a couple other meaningless activities.
Because of his sister, Katsuki was given time off of school to mourn which he called "fucking stupid" considering Amari wasn't dead yet. Although to everyone else but them, they all seemed to think it was a matter of time before that fact came true.
But for Bakugo and Todoroki, the two boys remained hopeful and dedicated to the small blonde girl beside them, not wanting to even think about that possibility. They knew she was stubborn, that she was probably fighting with everything she had right now, and so should they. It was as simple as that.
And to everyone's surprise, the two hadn't argued many times during this last week at all. Sure, they snapped at each other from time to time but it was obvious that both boys knew what Amari would have wanted. Not just Katsuki or Shoto, but both of them.
So, the boys endured each other, for her.
Giving her hand a small squeeze, Todoroki sighed to himself before lowering his eyes. "It's still hard to see her like this, even after a week."
Although almost immediately, Katsuki closed his eyes as unpleasant memories of his past slammed into him a moment later. "This is what she was like when we were kids."
And that was enough to make the two toned boy widen his eyes. Why hadn't he noticed that before? Yes this was hard on him but he couldn't even imagine what it was like for Bakugo, to see his sister back to the state he always feared as a child. "I'm sorry. I forget how hard it is for you as well."
Narrowing his eyes, Katsuki then looked back at his sister before sighing. "This is why I didn't want her to do this kind of shit in the first place. I never wanted to end up back here."
For Katsuki, ever since he arrived at the hospital with Amari by his side, the boy was strangely silent. Not yelling or shouting like his usual Bakugo attitude. No, he was just quiet, like someone inside of him was broken, like he was screaming his own thoughts all of this time.
And even now, his tone was calm and plain, unlike the boy in every way. "I still fucking hate hospitals, even that hasn't changed."
Noticing the slight pain in his voice, Todoroki decided to change the conversation, not really liking the boy but also not wanting to bring him anymore suffering. "Everyone in class has been wondering how you have been, about when you plan to return to U.A..."
Yet with his words, Katsuki immediately felt his teeth grind together before grasping his sister's other hand roughly. "I'm not going anywhere until she wakes up."
Although even for the hopeful Todoroki, even he knew that his words were unreasonable. The sad fact was, Amari could be like this forever. "But Bakugo, who knows how long that will take? Think about your sister, your agency, what she would want.."
Bakugo felt his explosions threaten to escape before the boy raised his voice for the first time in weeks, his disdain for the idea clearly known. "And none of it fucking matters without her! I don't even want to be a goddamn hero if it means I have to lose my sister. Screw the agency, screw U.A., screw everything. I don't care about anything but her, you got that?!"
And Katsuki knew that his words were said out of grief, that his sister would've slapped him for saying such things but he didn't care. He didn't care about his own future when Amari's was so clearly running out. It was so unfair for her, to just leave her to die alone. He refused to do it.
Shaking with his own anger, Katsuki continued roughly, standing out of his chair. "Maybe when we were kids I avoided seeing her like this but now I'm not leaving her side, not for anything. Hero be damned, my sister will not lose her brother again."
Todoroki understood quite well, wanting to give up his own dreams as well but he also knew how upset Amari would've been because of that, now trying to reason with the loud blonde. "I know how you feel but listen to yourself talk right now. Amari would be heartbroken if you gave up your dreams for her. You know she wouldn't approve..."
Yet the boy only shook his head, balling his fists as he glanced to his sister with a thousand unsaid emotions. "Of course she wouldn't because that brat never thought for herself, she never once put herself first. So I'm doing it now, I'm putting her first."
The truth was, Katsuki was pissed at his sister, pissed for choosing to sacrifice herself and have people like him pick up the damage. She never understood the impact in their lives, she never once thought of the people she was leaving behind and he hated it.
Just then, the door next to them slammed open only for a very familiar winged hero to step inside, rather frantic. "Oh good, you two are together."
Twisting his brow in confusion, Todoroki rose from his chair before the hero flapped his wings outwards, like he was stretching them. "Hawks, what is it?"
Quickly reaching into his jacket, the bird then pulled out two envelopes, pastel in color before waving them towards the boys all at once. "These are for you, thought you'd wanna read em. I was told to hand them out..."
Not really understanding, Bakugo and Todoroki then walked up to the man before they grabbed one letter from his hand, now staring at the surface. "They are from Amari."
At her name, both boys immediately widened their eyes before looking at the cursive writing across the top, Amari's cursive writing.
Katsuki couldn't help but already turn the paper over, aggressively ripping the top of the orange colored paper that read KATSUKI on the top. "W-What, that idiot wrote us letters?"
At the same time, Todoroki clearly turned his over as it was the most fragile thing in the world before running his fingers across the words SHOTO in beautiful black handwriting. It was just a letter and somehow he felt closer to her already. "I don't understand.."
And as Todoroki carefully tore open the paper, his eyes couldn't help but widened as Amari's words filled the page a moment later, soaking in every word he could.
Shoto,
Look,
I came back to you, just as we promised I would.
Out of all the letters I'm writing, this is probably the hardest one I have to do. Not because I don't really know what to say or that I can't say it. But just because I know that when you finally read this, I won't be able to comfort you, I won't be able to make sure you're okay.
And that hurts me the most.
You see, when I first asked you to be my friend I thought for sure you were going to turn me down. I suppose it was just wishful thinking, a small girl reaching out her hand to no one in particular. But then you did something I could never have imagined, you saved me.
Time and time you saved me until those feelings slowly turned into something I never thought I could have, something that I had forbidden myself into believing for the longest time. It was no secret I was going to die and yet foolish as I was, I still couldn't stop myself from falling in love with you.
And as much as I want to regret it, I just can't. Not after everything, not after all of the gentle touches, warm kisses, heartfelt embraces and shared tears. You gave me so many years in just a couple of unforgettable moments.
With you I felt alive, with you it was like I finally loved myself, with you it was like I could do absolutely anything in this world. And I did, I did so much because you were there to support me, to hold my hand and love me through everything.
And now it's your turn.
I know it hurts, I know it feels like your chest has been ripped out, like there is no way you can possibly move on from this, but you have to. You have to because there are people out there that need you, just like I needed you.
And you can't turn them down, you can't run away from them no matter how much you want to because that's not who you are. Your family, your father, they need you. Even Katsuki, as much as he may be an asshole, he needs you also. Continue to change people's lives, continue to do what you do best and save them for me, okay?
You are my everything Shoto. Now, how funny is that? You became my everything from the very first day we locked eyes on the first day of school. In fact, I would call your eyes pretty a thousand times over if it means I get to relive every wonderful moment with you all over again.
Hell, I would even confess my love in front of the whole world again if it means that you will end up being okay because of this. I'm worried, I'm worried about the tears I'm going to cause you, about how I won't be around to catch them anymore. I worry about how I will break you, about the one thing I was scared of from the beginning.
A part of me knows I shouldn't have accepted your confession at the sports festival, that this newfound devastation you are feeling is my fault, but then a part of me would live through it again in a heartbeat in order to be loved by you all over again. But I suppose that's selfish right?
I'm sorry for wanting that, I'm sorry for the future we will never have together, I'm sorry for not getting the chance to see you top the charts on the heroes billboard, I'm sorry I wasn't able to become your wife someday, I'm sorry I broke your heart because of this and I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer.
But even after so many regrets, I still pray that you'll be okay.
And about Endeavor, don't blame him. I know it's hard to forget the past but don't be afraid to lean on your family. I know for a fact they need you just as much as you need them.
Especially Toya, please be there for Toya.
I know you are probably confused about that but your dad and Hawks will know more about that. Go ahead and ask them and they can explain. I know they can.
Make sure to keep that bracelet safe for me. That way, it can be like I'm always with you.
I love you Shoto, more than you'll ever know.
-Amari
After he finished, Todoroki stared at the writing before a new wave of emotions coursed through him all at once. She wrote this before going in to save him from All for One, didn't she? She even mentioned Toya, like he wouldn't know who that was...
Everything then crashed into the boy as once, tears making its way into his eyes. He hated that she was apologizing so much, that she knew the kind of aching pain she would leave behind because of her choices.
It was too much to handle, the boy tracing his fingers across the writing before glancing over to her broken form a moment later. "You don't have to apologize, I would redo everything as well.."
Hawks watched the boy silently break down before him, for the girl he loved before a loud slam was overheard in the space, the two boys jumping as Katsuki aggressively crumbled up his paper before shoving Todoroki out of the way and out of the door without another word...
Wait, didn't he just say he wasn't going to leave Amari for anything? Something in that letter must have really changed something then..
The two turned their heads in confusion before Todoroki carefully leaned down and unfolded the orange paper as Hawks sighed. "What was that all about?"
Shaking his head, the boy then smoothed out the surface before reading Amari's final words to her brother, the ones that Katsuki had read just moments before.
Katsuki,
I would ask how you are doing but I know that's a stupid question. Of course you're not okay after everything, and that's okay. I won't have you act like you are just to make me happy.
I guess I should start with the one thing I know you are feeling right now, the one thing you need to hear from me.
This was not your fault.
I know you may think so and I know your stubborn ass won't want to believe me but it's the truth. My condition, our childhood, the misunderstandings when I came back and how everything played out, none of it was your fault. I never thought that was even a second. You wanna know why?
Because you are the most important thing to me Katsuki, you were my inspiration to become a hero, my goal that kept me living all of these years, and you were the twin that I so desperately wanted to stand by for so long.
And for that, it doesn't matter how many misunderstandings or arguments we have, I would wait forever to get the chance to stand with you. That's as simple as that.
A long time ago, my goal has always been to get you to look at me like your sister, that if I could just accomplish that then I could die happy. But then I realized that I had it backwards the whole time, that you had always thought of me as your sister, even when All For One told me that wasn't the case. How foolish I was, right?
I guess that's why your confession meant so much to me, because it showed that I was still worth living, that I could dream of more than just mere acceptance, that we could be Bakugo's together.
I never understood how much everything had weighed you down before that point and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never noticed it, that I was too blinded in my own misery to see yours. It's something I'll always regret Katsuki, not being able to help you sooner.
But now that I know that, I think I can understand what you're feeling right now, what you want to hide from the world and ignore in order to keep yourself together. But you can't do that with me brother, because our twin traits are stronger than you may think.
I know you are thinking about giving up our agency dream, I know you are thinking about giving up everything because you think you failed me as a brother but that's not true Katsuki. You are the best brother I could have ever asked for and I wouldn't trade anything for you.
So don't give up anything because that's not what Bakugo's do. There are people out there that are waiting to see what the hero Bakugo Katsuki is going to do, there are people like me that need someone to save them. Somewhere inside you know you can't abandon them either, you know you can't.
I will always be a part of you Katsuki, whether you like it or not. It's okay to let me go, it's okay to go and live your own dreams, that's what I've been fighting for my entire life, for you to become number one hero so everyone can see what I see, a wonderful and amazing brother.
Don't let the Bakugo Dream Team die, alright?
I love you Katsuki, thank you for everything.
-brat
Snapping his head up from the letter, Todoroki's eyes softened before feeling the absolute emotion in each of her words. It's like she read her brother like a book, already knowing what kind of emotions and feelings he would have about all of this.
Todoroki then folded the paper carefully before placing it back into the envelope as Hawks turned back towards the door with sad eyes. "I'll go look for the kid. I don't think he should be alone right now.."
The boy nodded his head before watching Hawks leave as Todoroki moved back towards Amari and taking his spot back in his hair, whipping a piece of hair from her face in the process and kissing her forehead lightly. "Thank you for your words, I'll cherish them."
Then he recalled her request from the letter before taking out his phone and dialing a set of numbers before pressing the object up to his ear. Maybe a couple months ago he would've thought of his idea as absurd but after everything, it just seemed right.
The voice answered back a moment later, causing Shoto to lower his eyes at the girl in front of him before speaking lightly. "Father if it's alright, I would like to move back home, to live with all of you again.."
Flying down the hallways of the hospital, Hawks detached some feathers in order for him to gain a larger radius in order to find Amari's brother, silently fearing for what kind of emotions were going through that boy's head right about now.
Although just as he made his way towards the entrance, the man was stopped by a very familiar voice, one that made him flitch immediately. "There you are Hawks. I've been meaning to talk to you."
Turning his head, the bird found none other than the commission president staring back at him, fake pity laced in her tone. "You seem hard to get a hold of these days."
And that was true. Hawks was almost impossible to contact after everything that had happened, leaving almost every call to voicemail as the bird feared it would be the hospital in order to tell him the horrible news of Amari's death. "Yeah, sorry about that. Things have been kinda rough."
Humming in response, the president's heels clicked against the title before moving up to her former soldier with narrowed eyes. "I can imagine. The media has been in quite a frenzy as well, given All for One's capture and the league's escape. Seems we need heroes more than ever before.."
Hawks nodded his head before the women continued, his sweet smooth demand stopping him immediately. "We could use you Hawks, back at the commission."
Widening his eyes, the man blinked in disbelief before recalling the way they had left each other back at the provisional license exam. She was so pissed at him back then for disregarding order. So what had changed?
And as much as he wanted to turn her away, there was that weak part of Keigo that wanted to hear what she was going to say, that wanted to melt into the kind words she was saying in order to take all of his internal suffering away. "I don't really think I understand you there pres.."
Although the woman was quick to cut him off, causing the bird to flitch his feathers like usual. "You see Hawks, the world needs someone like you, so that's why I'm willing to reinstate your past rank and position immediately. All will be forgiven and you will return to the commission as the special hero you were always meant to be."
Hawks couldn't believe his ears at that. She was giving him a second chance? But she never gave anyone a second chance with the commission. It was a well known fact that once you disobeyed you were disowned forever. He couldn't understand her thought process, her mindset right now.
And a part of him knew about all the past torture and mind manipulation that had placed on him but the man was too far gone with grief and distain to barely even notice it, soaking up the presidents words of hope and a pleasant future immediately.
Seeing that she was winning, the woman coaxed him further. "I know you are lost Hawks, I know you are in need of something to keep you going. Take this opportunity and stop being a nobody, stop failing the world, stop being a little boy and come back.."
He barely even noticed when she used his trigger word, the man's eyes crumbling at the meaning before he found himself back in that mindset as a child.
The feeling of being worthless, the feeling of being weak and helpless. He didn't want to feel that way anymore, he didn't want to be Keigo anymore, not if it meant failing everyone he loved.
Lowering his head with a wave of acceptance, Hawks felt his entire facade but built itself back up as the man's eyes clouded over. "I don't want to be useless.."
The woman then smiled under her breath before reaching her hand out in order for him to grab, to seal his fate like he did as a child. "As Hawks, you won't be. Now come, let's get you back to the commission so you can resume your training.."
Looking down at her hand, Hawks could feel the false warmth radiating off of it, coaxing him to assume his past life and forget his moment of defiance. Yes it felt nice while it lasted but where did it actually leave him? Alone, and grieving for a girl he couldn't save. "I.."
Although that's when he recalled a very similar conversation that Hawks and Amari had shared on that rooftop after he foolishly forgave him for every terrible thing he had done. Back then, she reached out her hand also, just like what the president was doing now.
It was enough to make the bird look back towards the girl's room for a moment. He knew that if he returned back to the commission he would have to leave her. "What about chickadee? I can't leave her alone."
Yet that's when the president's smile dipped down into a frown at the mention of the girl. Even on her deathbed she was still getting in her way. "Hawks, let's think logically. I'm not going to sit around and wait for a little girl to die and never should you. Wasting your future like that would be just foolish."
Muttering under his breath, the woman then scoffed. "Besides, it was impossible for her to make it in the first place. People like her aren't needed for the perfect society I'm trying to build. She was merely disposable. But you, you Hawks are just the type of special hero we need. Don't waste this opportunity because of a foolish girl with delusions. Think smart."
At the president's words, Hawks couldn't help but stop his own movements with disdain, not liking how she was speaking about Amari. Her dreams were not foolish. Naive sure, but they helped save someone like him, even when he didn't deserve it.
And that's when he couldn't help but remember the words from Amari's letters, the ones that slammed into his mind immediately, causing the bird to widen his eyes in realization.
What the president and she was saying, they were completely different, weren't they? The president told him that he was useless without Hawks but Amari seemed to think something else, that he could be okay as just Keigo. She always seemed to think that.
Even when he didn't believe it, even when he hated himself so much that it was unbearable, it was always Amari that picked him back up again, that held his hand and told him that he wasn't a monster, that he was more than just the commission.
Then he recalled the conversation between the two of them after their provisional in the exams and the same words mentioned in the letters. She asked him to help Katsuki in opening his agency and if he went back to the commission, Hawks knew the president would never allow it.
Was he really going to abandon her dream, her final wish just to go back to the spot he was before, the same cage that Amari had showed him wasn't the only option?
No, absolutely not.
Lifting his wings out, Hawks then narrowed his eyes before speaking the words he had always wished to say, the ones that Amari had shown him were valid. "You're wrong pres, Hawks is who you wanted me to be, but it's not who I am. It never was."
Then he balled his fists in anxiety to force himself to keep speaking. "And chickadee isn't any of those things. Her "delusions" are what kept me going, her "disposable nature" was the absolute faith she shared in me, even when I thought I didn't deserve it, even when you told me I didn't deserve it."
Recalling the small blonde haired girl, Hawks felt his eyes softened as he finished. "She helped me too many times to count, and I'm not about to abandon her. No matter the outcome of the kid, I will make sure her last wishes come true..."
The president couldn't help but widened her eyes in disbelief, not recognizing the man before him. Hawks was never this bold. "You are going to waste your life on one weak little girl?"
Nodding his head, the bird replied plainly. "No, I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure people like me and chickadee don't have to suffer anymore. I'm going to make sure that her brother will open his agency and I will make sure that her death will not go in vain, not ever.."
Not believing her eyes, the president couldn't help but scoff. "And how are you going to do that, without the commission you are nothing. I made Hawks, I made who you are. You aren't strong enough to fulfill that stupid wish, not without me. You won't' succeed."
And although her words did bring a sense of worry to his heart, Hawks couldn't help but shake his head, the utter determination filling up any doubt he had. "Maybe, but the kid also told me that I was meant for so much more than just the commission. And maybe I won't succeed as Hawks, but as Keigo, I'm going to try my damn best.."
The president's mouth dropped open at his use of his real name, the one that she had hidden away, the one that she was buried so that he would always be afraid to use it. Except now he didn't look afraid, it didn't look bothered by the name.
No, he looked rather proud of it.
What had this girl done, what kind of tricks did she use to unravel her training for all these years. "Hawks, this is your last chance. If you don't come back you are going to regret it for the rest of your life..!"
Her words were meant to be one last desperate attempt to keep him there but sadly even that didn't affect the bird, Keigo already knew what his true mission was. "Nah, I don't think I will."
Then just like that, the bird turned away as the president shouted back towards him with no avail, a sense of understanding and calm flowing through him all at once.
No, it didn't matter what happened in the future, he was going to take over her dreams, her wishes and beliefs for her. Even if she did die, Keigo vowed that she would never be forgotten.
Not on his watch
As everyone walked into class, the aura around the room was unmistakably heavy, just as it had been for the last week or so. They couldn't help but focus on the three empty chairs that silently mocked them through all of their lessons.
Todoroki had come in once or twice since the event but Amari's brother hadn't been seen since they all found him at the hospital, holding onto his sister's hand for dear life. They supposed he was probably still like that, just silently praying alone.
And when they had tried to talk to Todoroki about everything, the boy just seemed to give them one-word answers, the bags around his eyes more prevalent than ever more. Those two were suffering more than anyone else, that was for sure.
Deku sighed to himself before pulling out his own light green pastel letter from Amari before reading the words silently, forcing the tears down in order not to worry his classmates.
There were a lot of things said in the letter but one thing stuck out to him more than anything else, ringing in his mind forever.
Deku, please make sure Katsuki is okay.
It was a request that he had heard from her many times before, not fully knowing the context until now. Of course he wanted to help her any way he could but Deku wasn't even sure where to start with Kacchan. He wasn't even letting anyone see him right now.
Although that's when the door to the classroom slammed open, everyone expecting it to be Aziawa ready to start class as usual.
Yet one look from the blonde haired boy in front of them couldn't help but make the entire class stand from their seats in disbelief, racing forwards in order to see if what they were seeing was actually real. "Bakugo?!"
The boy himself only scoffed before Deku noticed the heavy bags around his eyes and his sullen stance, knowing his friend was really hurting right now. "Kacchan, are you okay?"
Obviously the answer was no and the green haired boy expected to be yelled at because of it immediately. But to his surprise, the two only shared a look before Katsuki pushed his way into the classroom without another word, almost like he didn't want to be here.
And he didn't. It killed him to be here instead of beside his sister but after that dumb ass letter, Katsuki knew what had to be done, and if his sister couldn't be around to become a hero then he would just have to do it for the both of them.
Just like when they were kids when Katsuki had woken up the neighbors from his loud declaration of being number one, he knew he couldn't just sit around and do nothing.
Not when Amari was counting on him.
Narrowing his eyes, he then turned to his classmates that were staring back with concern before he mustered out an attempt of his old self, the self that Amari would have wanted him to be. "What are you dumb ass's looking at? Take damn a picture, it will last longer.."
At the sound of his rough demeanor, everyone then looked between each other before a sigh of relief was overheard through the space. Now he was acting like himself.
So much so that Deku couldn't help but smile sadly, shoving the lightly green letter in his pocket before silently vowing to do just what Amari had asked. Don't worry Mari-chan. I'll make sure Kacchan is okay.
Three Months Later
Pushing his black tie up to his collar, Todoroki smoothed out the surface in the mirror before turning back to the ever sleeping Amari, a small smile making his way up to his lips as he approached her. "What do you think?"
He pictured the girl making some kind of bubbly spastic comment or stuttering over her words in response and the boy couldn't help but release a little chuckle from the idea.
Yes nothing had improved since the day she entered the hospital but the boy still visited her every single day, sharing his stories or feelings with her before repeating the same thing over and over again. Many people had given up hope by now but not Todoroki. No, he still believed that one day she'd pull through, that she'd wake up so he could see those beautiful eyes again.
Just then a voice to his left, causing him to turn as Fuyumi and Natsuo walked into the room, gesturing to the girl before smiling at themselves and his brother started the conversion. "Are you almost ready to go? Dad's waiting for us."
Nodding his head, Todoroki then turned to his love before placing a warm hand onto her deathly cold face. "Yes, I'll be right there. I just want to say goodbye first."
As her eyes filled up with emotion, Fuyumi replied. "Alright, just head to the car whenever you're ready. Take as much time as you need."
The two then made their way out of the door only for Natsuo to stop for a moment, staring at the two broken kids before softening his eyes. "Hey Sho, I just want to say that I'm really proud of you, how you've been handling everything. She'd be proud."
Then he watched as Todoroki perfectly placed facade crumbled just slightly before a heavy ball of emotion made its way to his throat. "I know she would. Thank you Natsu."
Nodding back, his brother left a moment later, causing the youngest Todoroki to fix a strand of hair from Amari's face before cupping her cheek lightly. "I'll be right back. Don't worry, I will always come back to you Amari."
Todoroki then leaned forward before placing a light kiss on her lips before smiling back sadly. "I love you. Continue to be strong for me while I'm gone."
Pulling himself away a moment later, the boy forced his eyes to close before turning away from the woman he loved in order to face this horrible awful day.
He silently wished that she was here beside him, guiding him through the kind of devastation that would follow but Todoroki knew that was wishful thinking. He was the one that had to be strong now, for her and for everyone.
Giving one last look to the girl, Todoroki then closed his eyes once more before heading out to his family, forcing his body to move away from the woman he loved in order to continue living for her.
Looking out at the sky mixed with pinks and purples, Amari sat facing forwards, gazing at the beauty and feeling the warmth of the rays touch her immediately. She felt so calm, so free in this place. It almost made her want to stay forever.
The girl closed her eyes for a moment, willing the idea to come to pass when a voice caused her to open them a moment later, now looking around at the empty space. "What are you doing here?"
Narrowing her eyes, the small seven year old Amari lifted her skinny legs up to their feet before turning around in the circle, wondering who the voice belonged to. "Who's there?"
A small chuckle was overheard at that as a red haired boy, maybe twelve years old suddenly appeared next to her, like he had appeared from thin air. Who was this kid, she had never seen him before in her life.
His eyes shined in a light cerulean as the stranger glanced up at the sky. "Wow, it hasn't even been that long and you already forgot about me? That's not very nice sweetheart."
At the name, Amari couldn't help but widen her eyes, staring at the small boy with unfound understanding and confusion. No, it couldn't be. The man she knew looked completely different from this "Toya?"
Nodding back, Toya could see her confusion before shrugging his shoulders. "Listen, I didn't give up my sorry excuse of a life for you just so you can give up. What are you still doing here anyways?"
Although she didn't really register most of his words, only focusing on the first part. "Give up your life? Wait, are you.."
One look from the boy could confirm her fears as true, his eyes saddening just slightly. "Oh come on, don't look at me like that Little Bakugo. Don't be such a baby."
Yet Amari couldn't help but feel herself start to breath quicker, the reality slamming into her immediately. Toya was dead, wasn't he? And from the looks of this place it looked like she wasn't too far behind him.
Shaking her head, Bakugo then reached forward to touch his shirt before a heavy sob escaped her lips. "N-No, no it wasn't supposed to be like this. You were supposed to go back to your family, you were supposed to be the one to take care of them. I'm sorry, I failed you..."
Although she was stopped when Toya rested his small hand over hers, stopping her ramblings. "Sweetheart, I don't think you get it. You saved me."
Widening her eyes, Amari cried back. "W-What are you saying? You're dead. You can't go back to them anymore, you can't do anything. If I hadn't messed everything up then you would.."
Toya spoke over her at that. "If you hadn't messed everything up then I would still be wandering around, wishing to die in order to spite those that hurt me. I would have never realized that those kinds of feelings and desires, they weren't really what I wanted, they never were.."
Then his hand began to squeeze hers before continuing. "I just wanted someone to notice me, to see me and not turn away, to not be disgusted by my burned skin or rough words. I wanted to be loved, and you did that sweetheart. Even when I told you not to, you still reached out your hands and loved me, almost like an annoying little sister.."
Bringing his lips into a small smirk, Toya narrowed his eyes. "And I gotta admit, I didn't really get it at first. I mean, we were the same person and yet you did so much more than I ever could, changed so many lives. You did what I always wanted, you made a difference, you made people see you. I have to say, I was kind of jealous.."
Toya then ran his clean, scar free fingers along her hands, the warmth seeping into her. "The truth is Amari, whether you want to believe it or not. You were worth saving."
Widening his eyes at his words, Amari immediately shook her head. "N-No, no I'm not. You have it backwards. You are worth saving Toya. That's why I was going to risk everything for you, that's why I spent this last year trying to help you. But it was for nothing, all of it meant nothing..'
The red haired boy then closed his eyes with a heavy amount of acceptance. "And thank you for trying so hard, for believing in someone like me, but my life was over the minute I decided to become a villain, the minute I lost my way and corrupted myself into running away. I knew it was hopeless for me but it's not the same for you."
Letting her hand go, Amari lost the warmth as Toya continued. "But you sweetheart, you can still do so many great things, you can change that fucked up society just like you changed me and that family. I've seen it firsthand, you can do so much more than I can, and that's why you have to live."
Bakugo then ran towards the boy as he pulled something out of his pocket. "Live for me, live for everyone out there that is crying out for help. Be that stubborn little idiot I know and change something for us sweetheart. If anyone can do it, then it's you.."
Walking up to her, Toya then placed his open hand on top of hers so they were connected before the young boy smiled back. "Don't let anyone forget me again, alright? You better keep your promise."
Just then, the boy placed the object around Amari's finger before the girl looked down and noticed the object immediately. It was Toya's old ring, the one that she was holding onto for him, the one that was always meant for him. "Here, this is yours now."
Widening her eyes, Amari's vision immediately clouded with tears before staring at their ring with unsaid sadness, knowing exactly what that meant. He was going to leave her. "N-No no no you can't leave me. You can't do this Toya..."
Yet the boy only smiled sadly before his body started to dissipate into white mist, his fingers slipping through her own as Amari tried to reach out to grab them in order for him to stay longer, for him to not leave her alone. "See ya sweetheart."
Gasping in surprise, the girl then pushed her arms forward only to be met with empty air, Amari falling towards her knees before cradling her body around herself as silent sobs made their way into the space.
For almost a year, she had gotten to know him, she had grown closer to him and now that he was really gone, that she had to live without him, Amari felt an undeniable grief that couldn't be contained, no matter how hard she tried.
Screaming out into the void, Bakugo cried herself out until black spots began to pool over her vision, leaving the girl collapsed onto the ground as the last bit of stray tears escaped from the ever crushing reality that she now had to live with.
Goodbye Toya.
Lulling her head to the side, Amari groaned before she was met with an immense amount of pain, the girl forcing her eyes open as the sounds of beeps and a ticking clock made its way into her vision. She didn't know where she was or what was happening but her teeth immediately gritted down at the pain.
Trying to move her head, the girl found it useless, now staring up at a ceiling she knew so painfully well, one that she has seen as a child numerous times. It was a hospital ceiling.
Grumbling at the idea, Amari then squinted her eyes before her vision caught on an object in the corner of her mind, the girl forcing her hand up to her face in order to see Toya's ring perfectly placed around her finger, just like he had done in her dream.
As her eyes immediately filled with tears, Bakugo brought her fingers up to her face before the reality crashed into her all at once, already knowing the truth. Something inside of her already knew he was gone.
Wanting to speak but unable to find the words, Amari cried silently for the loss of the boy alone before a loud clang was overheard next to her, the girl flinching at the sudden and loud noise.
Then she turned to her left only to find her brother staring back at her, his expression frozen as his newly made lunch was now on the ground, like he had lost all feeling in his hands the moment he saw her awake. "A-Amari..?"
His voice was so small, so incredibly small, almost like he didn't want to believe it was true, like he was just dreaming of seeing her alive. No, it couldn't be..
Amari wanted to speak but found it difficult, forcing her lips to stutter out any kind of sound to tell her brother that she was okay. "Katsu.."
Although she didn't even get time to finish as the boy rushed over to his sister before throwing his shaky arms around without another moment, Amari feeling his tears coat her neck in the process. "O-Oh thank god, thank god. Fuck don't scare me like that..don't ever do that again you stupid brat..."
Reaching up to place a light hand on his back, Amari's expression crumbled, now seeing her once strong brother reverting back to his scared childlike state. "I-I'm sorry..."
Bakugo responded by holding onto her tighter before shouting back, muffed by her shirt. "You better be damn sorry! I thought I fucking lost you, I thought I wouldn't be a twin anymore. And then with your god damn letter, I thought I'd really have to say goodbye..."
Pushing his legs up to her bed in order to rest his head on her like they were kids, the girl felt a couple stay tears leak from her eyes. "I-I know, me too. I thought I'd have to say goodbye too. I'm so glad I don't, I'm so glad to see you again Katsuki.."
Katsuki then pulled away before looking at his sister before frowning. "I don't know if I want to strangle you or hug you or both for what you did. What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why did you take that villains drug, you knew it would fucking kill you, you knew how it would end. Why did you do that?!"
Ah yes, that was the anger she was expecting, Amari closing her eyes at the sound of his voice and ringing in her ears. "I-I don't know, I just wanted to keep fighting, I wanted to be a hero until the end. I know it was kinda stupid.."
Bakugo couldn't help but scoff at that. "Obviously! God, that's all you are, fucking stupid. I swear I'm going to spend my whole life looking after you at this rate. You scared us all half to death. Even icy hot was a damn zombie.!"
At the sound of Todoroki's name, Amari couldn't help but widened her eyes, already looking around for the boy. "S-Shit, Shoto, is he alright? Where is he? Please tell me he's alright.."
Nodding back, the boy huffed. "Yeah, he's fine. That bastard refused to leave your side also. The only reason he's away right now is because of that damn funeral."
Right after he had said, Katsuki immediately knew he had fucked up, now seeing Amari's concerned eyes. Shit, he didn't want to know about this now, not after she just woke up. "Forget it, it's not important. He'll be back."
Although unknown to her brother, Amari already knew the meaning behind that phrase, her voice coming out so painfully small. "It's for Toya, isn't it?"
Katsuki's eyes widened at her sudden understanding, not knowing how she had made that conclusion but it seemed like she already knew about the oldest Todoroki. "Yeah."
Then he watched as Amari's eyes immediately crumbled, tears clouding her vision before answering back with determination. "I have to see him. Please Katsuki, take me to Shoto."
He was about to reject, he about to tell her how stupid she was but then he couldn't help but see his sisters eyes, the one's that he had been silently praying to see for the last three months. "I know what you want to say but I have to do this, I just have to.."
And Bakugo knew that, somehow, he just knew that this was something she had to do.
Closing his eyes, Todoroki felt Natsuo and Fuyumi's hand on either side of them as mindless faces and family members apologized for the loss of his brother, for the second time in their life.
He hated that back then and now we're just the same, that he was just a clueless little boy that never fully understood who Todoroki Toya was or how he had gotten to a point so long in his entire life. After three months of grieving, it still felt wrong to cry for him, to not know the man that he had once called his brother.
Muttering back some replies, the audience slowly dissipated, only leaving him with his siblings and father, staring at the small photo of a young Toya in the center of white flowers. "He's really gone. It still doesn't feel real."
And that was true. He had heard small stories from his siblings about Toya but it seemed impossible to have fully known him without actually being there, without seeing first hand what kind of person he was.
Fuyumi nodded her head in acceptance, wiping a couple years from her eyes. "I know. Who would have thought I'd be mourning my brother not once, but twice now. It just seems cruel."
Placing a hand to her shoulder, Natsuo sighed. "I feel the same. But at least one thing has changed since then. Now we have each other, right? We don't have to shoulder this alone."
The rest of the Todoroki's nodded halfheartedly in response, knowing how close they had gotten since everything that had happened. Natsuo had taken a semester off of college so all three of them could mourn together, and could use each other for their grief and sadness.
They had also decided to visit their mother more, all of the kids choosing a day once a week to check in and mourn with her as well. Sometimes they even brought the flowers that their father had picked out for her as well.
And even Endeavor took some time off of his hero work in order to be there for more family meals and events. It was as if he finally understood the need to be with his family, now more than ever. They were thankful for it, for his presence.
Fuyumi then stifled a sob as Natsuo rubbed her back before glancing at his little brother sadly. He was probably taking it the worst out of everyone. Not just because of Toya but Amari as well. "Hey Sho, why don't you head out first? We'll join you in a couple minutes."
It was obvious to tell he was uncomfortable, the boy nodding before letting the people that actually knew Toya to grieve properly. He probably should be getting back Amari now anyways..
Sighing to himself, Todoroki then made his way towards the entrance of the building only for a flash of the woman he loved to appear in his mind unexpectedly. God he missed her, he missed her so much right now..
Although the boy forced himself to move forward, stepping out into the cold rain only for a figure to appear out of the corner of his vision, on the other side of the paved walkway.
He suddenly stopped, taking in the stranger before recognizing her small thin arms, blonde hair and piercing red eyes, staring back at him with unsaid sadness and longing.
It was Amari
Todoroki couldn't believe his eyes, blinking in disbelief at what he thought was a ghost in front of him, a sharp breath of horror entering his throat at what this might mean. Was this her way of saying goodbye, was this her ghost coming to see him one last time?
Thousands of doubts started to fill his mind, knowing fully well that Amari was laying in a hospital bed across town. She couldn't have been here, it was impossible.
Although that's when he noticed the person behind her as Katsuki, watching as he held a simple black umbrella above her head in order to shield her from the rain, his arm resting on hers as if he was trying to hold her up.
That's when he heard her voice, so small and incredibly fragile, laced with so much guilt, sadness and shame. "S-Shoto.."
And that was enough for Todoroki to drop his own umbrella onto the ground, the boy losing feeling in his hands entirely as he took a shaky step forward, still not letting his body believe that she was right in front of him. "A-Amari... ?"
As he started to move forward, so did the girl, Amari's foot steps shaky as she stumbled forward the best she could, tears filling her entire vision as she longed to feel him again.
Although because she had just gotten out of the hospital, Amari's next step caused her foot to twist before the girl stumbled towards the ground as Todoroki widened his eyes in fear. Please let this be real, please let her be here...
Using his arms, the boy then felt as her small body collided with his own, her tears already staining his shirt with the rain before she brokenly tightened her hold the best she could. "S-Shoto, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."
Widening his eyes at the sound of her voice, Todoroki immediately felt his eyes fill with tears before feeling his body next to hers. She wasn't a ghost, she wasn't dead. She was right in front of him. "A-Amari...you're alive...I can't believe it..."
The boy then tightened his own shaky hold on her girl as she buried her head into his chest, never wanting to let go. "T-Toya, I'm sorry I...I couldn't save him..."
Shaking his head against her chest, Todoroki silently began to sooth her immediately. "Look at me..please Amari..look at me..I need to see that you're real.."
At his request, the girl pulled away before laying her eyes on the boy she loved more than anything, missing him entirely as he carefully touched her face, almost afraid that she would disappear a moment later. "It's you...it's really you..."
As the tears spilled over her eyes, Amari replied. "Y-yeah it's me."
Stifling a sob, Todoroki then pulled the small girl against his chest before muttering into her hair all at once. "Thank you...thank you for being alive...I didn't want to think about living without you, I didn't want to have to imagine it..."
Amari began to nod her head underneath him at that. "I didn't want to imagine it either. I miss you Shoto..so much..."
Hugging onto each other, the two began to cry out their shared grief and relief before a small voice sounded behind them as the two turned to find Fuyumi and Natsuo's eyes already lined with tears. "A-Amari..."
Then without a second though, both of the Todoroki siblings rushed towards the girl before laying their hands on top of Shoto's as even more tears filled the air, their embrace drowning out even the sounds of the rain.
Amari felt the warmth around her, the absolute love and admiration before closing her eyes and taking in the chance that Toya had given her, the chance that she never thought she desired.
And she opened her eyes again the minute Fuyumi cried out a set of words unknowing to the girl. "D-Dad, look! Amari, she's okay..."
Turning her head behind her, Bakugo then saw the towering figure of her mentor before him, staring at the girl with an unreadable expression. He was probably upset about Toya, that's why he was staring at her.
She let her shaky voice out once more, ready for the consequences of her failure. "Endeavor, I-I'm sorry..."
Although what she hadn't expected was for the stone cold number one hero's eyes to fill with tears a moment later, falling to his knees before wrapping his arms around his ground of kids and Amari as he joined their embrace wordlessly.
Amari couldn't believe her eyes, now seeing Endeavor hug her along with the rest of his family as the five of them listened to the sound of their own tears and sorrow for the events that had played out.
Looking at Toya's old ring in the corner of her vision Amari's eyes began to crumble before burying herself into the embrace of the reunited Todoroki family.
*sobs*
Okay so this is the end of the main story but I'm gonna give you a little surprise! We aren't done yet! That's right, I have five extra chapters to add on.
They are going to be time skip chapters since there are things that I simply can't do in this story because they are kids. Things are just getting started for all the characters and their story certainly doesn't stop when they are sixteen years old.
So look out for those chapters! I promise they will be less sad than these. Heheh
Next Chapter: We begin the first time skip chapter, beginning with watching our favorite explosive twins graduate from U.A.
