Chapter 103 – Clarity

Prime P.O.V

The sun's rays had bathed our secluded hideaway in morning light. For a moment I simply sat there, relishing a few precious moments of quiet solitude before I would have to rouse Elita and continue our mission.

/Oh Elita! I am so sorry/. My processor flashed back to the earlier hours of the night when Elita and I had finally, and painfully, managed to divulge to each other all that had happened to us during our millennia of separation.

I had learned of how she had broken our bond thinking she was saving me, saving us. How she had been captured, tortured and abused, eventually leaving Cybertron to find me and hopefully bring me back to restore hope and our planet. I sighed out loud. /Is that even possible? Can my home planet even be restored now?/. She had learned of the spark ache and pain I had felt because of our broken bond and how I believed her to be dead.

She had painfully discovered that, over time, I had allowed another into my spark – a human woman named Orianna Conners, or OC, who through the Power of the Allspark shard and Primus himself, became a Transformer known as Phoenix. She had – rightly so – been devastated by this knowledge and I felt my spark pulse uncomfortably in its housing as I thought of what I had done to her - and to Phoenix.

I allowed a wave of sorrow and guilt to swallow me as I recalled the moment last night when I behaved in a manner that gave Elita cause to believe I loved her. The moment I returned her kiss, caught up in a moment, a memory, desperately trying to see if we could indeed pick up from where we left off - but it was not to be. My spark – for better or worse - belonged to Phoenix and her alone. While I knew it would break Elita's spark to hear this, I had to be honest with her. She deserved the truth from me.

I sighed once more out loud. Elita gave the smallest of shudders. /While I can only imagine how much she must despise me now, I pray to Primus that one day, she may forgive me and find her own happiness. There is none more deserving than her and I wish I could give her what she wanted…/.

The sound of Elita's engine roared to life and she began to roll towards me. I heard her voice come through my comm ::We have a long drive ahead of us today. We had best head out now:: Her voice was matter of fact, devoid of any real emotion.

I cringed internally. ::Agreed Elita:: I paused a moment, ::Elita about last…::

::DON'T!:: there was pain, anger and defeat in her tone. ::Just don't Optimus. Please, let's just go. I have no desire to hear your apologies, I have no desire to discuss what happened last night. I simply want to finish this mission and find our friends::

I wanted to reach out to her, but I knew it would only make the situation worse. I gave a small sigh of resignation and replied in a soft, defeated voice ::As you wish Elita. Let's roll out:: I allowed my engine to kick over and rumble to life. I reversed out of the area, a part of me glad to be leaving this place and a part of me was devastated to be moving on in such a manner. ''Truth or Consequences'' indeed. This place would forever leave a scar upon my spark. On Earth there is a saying, ''The Truth will set you free.'' They do not mention the price you pay for it.

It wasn't long before we had re-joined the interstate and were once again speeding towards our destination. Elita chose to drive ahead of me rather than follow as she had previously done. /Perhaps she did not want to look at me and be reminded of what happened last night. Perhaps, it is a subtle message to me that she neither wants to follow me or needs me, that from now on she is striking out on her own and forging her own path?/. I gave a loud sigh as my wheels ate up the road. /Perhaps, you think too much Optimus and it is none of those things, you are simply too slow for her alt mode/. I allowed myself to have a small chuckle and sped up to try and close the distance.

As I drew nearer to her, Elita accelerated, pulling away from me further. /Then again, maybe you were right, and she does not want to be near you/. I let her move ahead further and settled into a comfortable pace. I forcibly made myself stop thinking about her and start to think about the task that lay ahead of us. It was possible we could meet with some hostile forces – be it Decepticon or this new Government agency that replaced N.E.S.T. We would need to be vigilant. Perhaps we may even need to change our alt modes? Afterall, as the leader of the Autobots and following my involvement in the Battle of Chicago, I was becoming more recognisable. My bright blue and red flame decals were - less than subtle. I felt a smile slowly spread on my dermas. Phoenix had told me that none too subtly on more than one occasion.

/Phoenix/.

I had tried not think about her. I had tried not to let the pain of her departure suffocate me. I had tried to focus on the here and now. I had tried so hard to restrain myself from reaching out to her, but I felt my resolve crumbling – especially now that Elita knew about her. I had tried to take the gift she had selflessly given to us and see if Elita and I could resume our relationship.

I had tried and failed on all counts – save one.

I had refrained from contacting her, trying to honour her wish to be left alone. /But in that too I shall now fail as I can no longer bear to be apart from her/. If our painful talk last night taught me anything, it is that if you have found someone you love with all your spark, do not let anything keep you apart. Not distance, not duty, nothing! Fight for them, fight to keep them and fight all who stand in your way to get to them.

I had not done that for Elita, she had not done that for me. Not until it was too late. I would not make that same mistake again. It was a painful lesson to learn, but I had learned it. Though a cold snake of shame, sorrow and guilt over my actions with Elita had wrapped itself about my spark, and would likely take up residence there for some time to come, a new sense of determination and hope started to burn within me.

I knew now beyond any doubt that my spark belonged to Phoenix. I knew now that she was the one I longed for, longed to be with, was incomplete without. She was the one I wanted by my side for as long as the fates would allow. She was my spark, my everything and as soon as we finished this mission, I would contact her and let her know I was coming for her. Whether she liked it or not. I would not be denied. I would not allow her to slip through my servos, not after it had taken so long to find her, to realise how much I needed and wanted her. I would find her and even if she didn't want to hear the words, I would tell her how much I love her, have loved her for so long and would always love her. I hoped she would listen, and I hoped she would forgive me.

I hoped.

With this newfound clarity and determination, a warmth and calm spread throughout me. I felt myself refocus on the task at hand, knowing that I had come to a decision and I would act on that decision just as soon as our mission came to an end. Having successfully managed to pass into Mexico and evade border patrol, we now ploughed ahead, eating up the miles as we continued towards Mexico City. /Primus please, let us find our friends there. Let us all return safely/.

I settled into a rhythm, keeping tabs on the white and pink Dodge Viper further ahead. Putting all other thoughts aside, I allowed my processor to focus on what had to be done.