A/N: Hi, guys! How are you doing? Just five more chapters or so and Athena's chaotic fifth year will be over. Are you anxious? What are your theories and expectations for Year 6? Lemme know in the comments. I hope you enjoy today's chapter because I confess that I've been dreading it for months. As you know, any comments, critiques or concerns, feel free to contact me.
Chapter Twenty-Two - Wingless
Is there a chance, a fragment of light
At the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight?
Is there a chance you might change your mind
Or are we ashes and wine? *
October 31st, 1983
The Halloween party was all we needed to lift the spirits. Things tend to be woefully hectic this time of the year, but a party full of chocolates, pumpkins and ghosts was surprisingly cheerful and left even Duncan feeling like dancing the night away.
Olivia had to leave the party early after she experimented the cherry and pumpkin souffle. I think she might have dysentery. I told her those pink eggs in the kitchens seemed suspicious…
Lying on the hospital bed, with a caramel midway from her mouth, Rowan laughs loudly. She spent the first two days completely unconscious in order to fully recover from the five spells cast against her. Now, still weak but quite cheerful, she seems like herself again.
"It's extremely difficult to sort out whether Miss Khanna was under the influence of the Imperius Curse," Rakepick says, standing by Madam Pomfrey's desk as the nurse looks at her with a slightly bothered look. "Let alone who is responsible…"
"You could admit your guilt and save us a lot of trouble," Professor Snape says, flashing me a grave stare from over Rakepick's shoulder.
"I'd rather slap that arrogant smirk from your greasy face," she replies.
"Enough you two," Madam Pomfrey says. "It won't help Miss Khanna if you keep bickering inside the hospital wing. Why don't you go discuss it with Professor Dumbledore and let my patients rest?"
Pestered, Rakepick turns on her heels and walks towards the exit in heavy steps. She doesn't look back nor bothers to check if Rowan is okay. If anything, she seems annoyed that nothing too interesting happened.
"She'd be happier if I had hurt you," Rowan says.
"Do you think she was the one behind the attack?" I ask.
She nods. "It's clearer than water to me. We need to stop her, Athie. No one else will. While she's around, things like this will continue happening. Thank goodness I didn't injure you. I'd be deeply sad but also tremendously pissed if I had done anything to you. We've been friends for five years and we never had an argument. It isn't now that I intend to start hexing you out of nowhere."
I grin. "I'm sorry you had to be knocked out."
"I was wondering," she starts. "Would I even be able to strike you? To hurt you in any way? I'm not nearly as strong and skilled as you are."
"That's not true," I say. "We have dueled before. You are stronger than you think, and your intelligence and wits are stronger than anyone's."
"Thank you, Athie," she says. "You have always been proficient in making people feel good about themselves."
I smile softly, but it disappears right after. "Row… Do you think I'm entitled?"
"Sorry?"
"That was what you called me… or, whoever was behind the attack," I say.
"Oh, Athie, you know I'd never say something like that," she says.
"I know. But… did you ever think about it? That I'm entitled or that I meddle unnecessarily? Am I really always minding other people's business?"
She chuckles. "No, Athie. You are the kindest, most wonderful person I know. If you meddle like you say, it's because the situation requires it. You are always willing to defend people, whether they are your friends or your foes. The way you stood up for Ismelda… I would've never done such thing. Not because I think she deserves to be bullied, but because I'm not bold enough. I would never step up to a preppy twit like Emily Tyler and shove her into the lake water. You are bold and fierce and sweet, and you use all your qualities for the good. It's an honour to be your best friend."
I grab her hand, placing a kiss on her knuckles. "Oh, Row… I don't want Rakepick or the Vaults or the Cabal to spoil our friendship."
"Did you find out what they are? The Cabal?" she asks.
I shake my head. "I found only mentions about cabalistic interpretations, but nothing that could be connected to the Vaults in any way. Whatever it is, we'll find out about it eventually."
She sighs. "Dinner is in half an hour," she says. "God, I miss the Great Hall's dinner. Madam Pomfrey makes me eat soup. And not that amazing pumpkin and carrot soup that is amazingly creamy and that I fill with cheese and croutons. No. She feeds me this dirty tasteless water with some bits of potato floating. It's gross."
"I'll stop by before going to bed," I say. "I'll smuggle you some cookies or a slice of pie."
"You are an angel," she says, softly, pulling the covers all the way to her neck. "It's cold in here."
"Not really," I say. "But the five spells certainly drained you."
She smiles softly. "Yeah… All I remember is that it hurt like a bitch."
"I'm glad you didn't lose your sense of humour," I say, getting up and placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back after dinner."
"I'll be waiting for my cookies," she says.
On Friday, excused from the hospital and hungrier than a bear, Rowan returns to her stop next to me at Ravenclaw table, and promptly starts filling her plate with a tower of golden pancakes, berries and a bunch of marmalade on top. With a smile of deep pleasure, she eats as if she had never tasted anything so heavenly.
Rakepick seems unshaken by the recent events. She spends the entire class babbling about the most uninteresting aspects of iguanas – not at all mentioning their importance in potion making – and keeps flashing strange stares at Rowan, who decides that her class if a great opportunity to eat a frosted biscuit.
When the lesson ends, Rowan shoves another biscuit in her mouth and leaves the room cheerfully, completely ignoring Rakepick's ugly stares. As I'm about to step my foot outside the room, a heavy hand lands on my shoulder.
"Miss Lockhart, can I have a word?" Rakepick says.
I turn around. "Forgive me, Professor, but the last time we talked you managed to destroy my wand. I do not wish for it to happen again."
She smirks. "It will take just a minute."
I look at Rowan. "Fine. As long as Rowan is present."
Rakepick straightens her back, clearly miffed. "Very well, then. I'll leave the door open, but she'll have to wait outside."
Rowan rests her back on the door, crossing her arms. "I'll be here. Don't be long, Athie. Professor Flitwick said he was a very interesting lesson planned for us today."
I swallow a chuckle, following Rakepick to her desk.
"I don't think she's a good influence on you, Miss Lockhart," she says. "She is terribly unrefined. Eating in class… Frankly."
"She spent days in the hospital after being cursed and controlled," I reply. "She's an outstanding student. A student eating in class should be least of your worries."
"Controlled, eh?" she says. "How can you be so certain?"
"What are you implying?"
"I'm not implying anything," she continues. "But don't you find it strange that she is as into the Cursed Vaults as you are? She has always been on your shadow… Following you from Vault to Vault… Learning more and more about them…"
I rest my hands on her desk, leaning in. I swallow every will to punch her right on her nose, breaking it again, or to shove my fingers into her eyeballs. A difficult equation isn't necessary to figure out what she's intending.
She wants to make me doubt my friends.
To put us one against the other.
To turn friends into enemies.
I fake an interested expression. "What do you mean? Do you think… Do you think Rowan was faking it? Could someone do it?"
"Fake being under the influence of Imperius? Of course," she says. "It has been done countless times before. When the Dark Lord fell, many of his followers pretended to be under the effects of the curse, but after some time it is impossible to detect if it was really true."
"I… I don't think Rowan would be capable of such thing," I say, biting the side of my thumb. "I mean, she's my best friend."
"I have seen it happen before, Miss Lockhart," she says. "Don't lower you guard just because you think you know her. Be smarter than that."
"But… how can I be sure that I can trust her?"
She shrugs. "You will never be fully certain. Keep your enemies closer, Miss Lockhart. Try not to share much of your knowledge with her. She might stab you in the back anytime."
I pretend to swallow hard. "Can't I trust anyone?"
She lands a hand over mine, simpering. "You know you can trust me."
I smile back. "Perhaps you're right."
She releases a soft chuckle. "Of course, I am."
I check my clock. "I have Charms right now. Perhaps we can discuss it some more later. I'm… I'm really worried now."
"I'm always here."
I nod, turning around and leaving the room, hooking my arm in Rowan's as soon as we turn the corridor.
"You are not going to believe it."
She lifts her dark brows. "Try me."
By the end of the month, there are over one hundred students trapped inside the portraits. Exactly like Rakepick said, she'd always be there. Right inside her office. Doing absolutely nothing.
Each day that passes is a day that Beatrice slowly begins losing touch with reality, sometimes not even recognizing Penny's voice. Each that day passes is another day that Rakepick proves being absolutely useless. And each day that passes is a day that I learn something new about Jacob, by slowly reading his diary.
January 11th, 1984
A few months from now and my fifth year will be over. By September, Munchkin will have started her first year and I'll be able to teach her everything I know and show her some incredible secret passages. I'll show her the easier way to sneak into the kitchens and smuggle some baked good back to the dorm. I wish I had some Ravenclaw friends to share them with. Well, I have Olivia, but she's a girl and it wouldn't be acceptable for me to sneak into her dorm. Duncan, unfortunately, ended up in Slytherin.
Some midnight sponge cake is one of the few things that can appease my thoughts during these tenebrous times. The Vaults are getting out of control and the professors seem to be in complete disbelief. I have tried speaking to them about it and even to Professor Dumbledore, but everyone seems to think that I'm crazy. Thankfully, I have Duncan and Olivia with me in this quest.
I just want to make this castle a safer place. When Athena comes to Hogwarts, I just want this place to be a huge bubble of safety. I want her to learn and study without random evil waiting to murder her. I just wish Mum and Dad would believe me…
I take Jake's words with me to the last weekend of the month, where I climb on my broom with my fellow teammates and soar onto the bright blue sky that is starting to receive its first rays of spring. From above the ground, I can spot some blossoming flowers in faraway trees.
On the other side of the pitch, Barnaby flashes me a cheerful smile, swinging his bat on his big hand.
"Watch out for Lee today, guys," I tell my team. "He seems eager to smash our skulls today."
When the match begins, it becomes clear to me that Barnaby is playing to win while also having immense fun with it. He sends three, four Bludgers in my direction, allowing me to show him some of my new movements, thrusting myself into the air and them returning to my broom as the ball rushes in between my knees.
The first thirty minutes of the game are just Link protecting the goals remarkably, while Slytherin's keeper does the same. As I start wondering that the only way for one of the teams to win is to find the Snitch, Slytherin starts scoring points. Ten at first. Then fifty. Then ninety.
Ravenclaw isn't far behind. The team speeds up to catch up with the adversary, throwing the Quaffle into the goal twelve times, making my heart relax again as I circle the pitch relentlessly, looking for a speck of gold amidst the green grass.
An hour later, I can tell that the audience is getting tired. Rowan, sitting next to Charlie, decided to open a bag of chocolate covered chips. Tulip, on the other hand, seems awfully sleepy. I gather some speed to try to find the amazingly hidden Snitch and end everyone's suffering. Deep down, all I want is some well-deserved lunch.
After another circle, something catches my attention. Slytherin's seeker, concentrated and speeding, seems to be chasing something with hunger in the eyes. I notice his hand opened, reaching out, eager for a tiny golden ball that is trying to escape him. I lean forward, racing as fast as possible towards him. When he notes my dangerous proximity, his eyes widen and he tries to brake, but ends up falling from his broom, rolling on the ground beneath him. I reach out my fingers, forcing my broom to race a little more, until I feel my hand closing behind the cold Snitch and the delightful whistle that announces the end of the match.
As I throw my hands into the sky to celebrate, I can't help but wonder what Jake would be doing if he was around.
Would he be cheering in the bleachers? Would he be proud of my being a Captain? Would he think I'm a dumb jock?
Oh, Jake. You loved quoting lyrics. Here's one for you, even though you cannot hear it.
How I wish… How I wish you were here.
"Jake was going through the same things that I am," I tell Talbott on Sunday, while we're taking a walk around the Greenhouses. "Not a single figure of authority believed in him, yet he had amazing friends who were by his side."
"Are you anxious to find out about Jake's thoughts on Olivia's expulsion and Duncan's death?" he asks, holding my hand dearly.
I nod. "A little after finding out who Duncan was, I had a dream about Jacob and him. My brother sounded desperate, crying heartbrokenly about the loss of his best friend. God, I can't imagine how I must've felt."
"And to think that Duncan was so ready to lose his faith in Jacob," Talbott adds.
"I think death can do that to people," I say. "Must be upsetting knowing that you'll never see your friends or family again."
"Can't the school ghosts go somewhere else? Are they doomed to haunt the place where they died?"
I shrug. "I've no idea. Sometimes I like to daydream about who things are going to be when we find Jake. Will he and Duncan be friends again? How does a ghost and a living person friendship work, exactly?"
Talbott laughs, amused at my wonders. "The only downside is, if ghosts can't, in fact, leave their death place, how will they manage to correspond? I don't know if ghosts can write letters."
"That's an interesting concept," I say. "Can you imagine? Professional writers that wander around the world, collecting the ghosts' messages to deliver them to their loved ones?"
He smiles. "Sounds like the kind of sweet and caring job you'd love to do. Would Duncan accept having his deep thoughts transcribed by someone else?"
"I don't know," I say. "Duncan seems stubborn as hell."
Talbott has the most warm and delightful laugh of all. His smile, under the bright sun, is nearly irresistible. When we find a lonely spot behind Greenhouse Five, he lands his hands on the glass wall, trapping me in between his arms and placing a marvellous kiss upon my lips. With all the darkness that seems to be growing in the castle, it is always refreshing to spend some time with him, wasting the day away, forgetting that anything else exists.
"I love you deeply," he whispers, kissing my neck. "Are you aware that March is beginning? Four more months and we'll have a perfect summer ahead to spend together."
"It will be our first anniversary," I say. "It was at the beginning of last year's summer that you first kissed me."
He smiles. "No, no, no, no. That you kissed me. I was just reading some poetry, remember?"
"No, you were trying to seduce me. Pretending to be a sweet little poet… Frankly. Just trying to pervert me in that beach…"
"Oh, my darling Bubo… You may have this ethereal fairy face, but you will never fool me."
I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him profusely. "I love you more than all the strange plants that Sprout grow in these Greenhouses."
"Is your love larger than Hagrid's gigantic pumpkins?"
I nod, kissing his chin lightly. "It is bigger than this entire castle. Deeper than the lake's waters."
He pulls me to his chest, kissing my forehead. "I love you on fire. Loving you scorches my very soul."
I hold his hand softly, kissing him with all the love in my heart. He deepens the kiss with the delightfully sweet technique that only he knows, melting my in his arms and making me want to soar with him towards the bluish skies.
His lips, warm and soft, leave a trail of kisses from my mouth to my cheek, descending lustfully to my neck. I dive my fingers into the softness of his hair, feeling my skin burning underneath his touch. His hand looks for my hair, pulling is back heavily in a way that ends up hurting. Talbott, however, doesn't seem to care. He pushes me against the glass wall with violence, making my back ache with the impact.
"Hey, Tal-" I start.
He holds my arms, digging his fingers into my skin. I look at him with a frown, but he isn't looking at me. Under the sun, his fangs seem to sparkle. I have no time to protest before he leans over and sinks his teeth onto my neck, biting deeply and painfully, draining my blood with such speed that I feel my knees getting weak.
"Talbott…" I groan. "Stop."
I try to push him away, but each gulp of his is another bit of energy that is drained from me. I open my mouth to scream, but he wraps one of his hands around my neck, closing it tightly. Confused, I try to make some sense of what's happening, but my mind is blurred. Black spots start to dance in front of my eyes and when I think I'm about to pass out, he releases me.
I slide onto the floor, my legs not responding. I lift my head to look at him, seeing my blood dripping from his mouth and staining his shirt. His eyes, red and bright, seem angry and vicious under the sun. I try to scream, but I have no voice.
What's happening?
This isn't my Tal.
Who is this person?
I try to force myself to stand up, weakly putting myself back on my feet. I make the mention to grab my wand, but Talbott is faster. He pulls me with strength and then pushes me against the Greenhouse, making my head hit the glass wall and shatter it behind my skull. A piercing pain stings me from the top of my head all the way to my feet. I don't notice that there are glass shards on the grass until I fall on my knees above them, piercing the exposed skin of my knees and hands with them.
The view in front of me starts getting blurred, slowly progressing into darkness. I blink a few times, trying to see Talbott and ask him to help me, but no sound escapes my lips. With the blood and energy drained from my body, I can't help but to fall forward, feeling the skin of my cheek being cut by some pieces of glass.
After that, there is only blackness.
Wake up, Munchkin.
Wake up.
You are safe now.
I'm here with you.
My lids are heavy, but little by little I manage to open them, finding a strong white light engulfing me, making me close them again. There's a sting on the side of my throat and I feel exhausted, like I have just finished a marathon, and I begin considering turning to the side and falling asleep again.
"Dear Merlin, she's awake," I hear Rowan's voice and then feel her warm hand landing on my forehead and then caressing my hair. "Athie? Can you hear me?"
I swallow, feeling my mouth impossibly dry. "I… I'm tired."
She smiles softly. "I imagine you are," she says. "I'm just happy you finally woke up."
I frown. "Why? Am I late for class?"
I watch her exchange a concerned gaze with someone on the other side of the bed. I move my head lightly, feeling the stinging pain that comes with every movement, and see Madam Pomfrey.
"She's still drained," the nurse says. "She needs to sleep some more."
She takes a small flask to my lips, making the cold and sugary content fall into my mouth. The sensation is that I'm sinking into a pool of a cold and sweet juice. It relaxes my every muscle, slowly numbing me and taking me back into dreamland.
When I wake up again, the sun is setting. I look to the side, seeing Rowan lodged on a chair, reading something. Over the bedside table, a plate of what seems to be oatmeal raisin cookies is rested beside a big glass of a frosted red juice. Rowan's eyes fall upon me and me immediately puts the book aside, eyeing me with a mixture of happiness and preoccupation.
"Athie…" she says. "How are you feeling?"
I open my mouth to speak, but it's so dry that what leaves my lips it just a rough and husky image of what I wanted to say. Promptly, Rowan hands me the glass of juice that, cold and delicious, falls down my throat, making me aware that it's a delightful cranberry juice.
"Thank you," I say. "I had the strangest of dreams."
"What did you dream about?" she asks.
I swallow hard. "I'm not sure how it happened. I was with Talbott… we were taking a walk. Then there was blood. So much blood…"
Her face twists into a sorrowful frown. "It wasn't a dream, Athie."
I frown. "What do you mean?"
She runs her fingers gently along my hair. "You were found in a puddle of your own blood, on the verge of death. Talbott was covered in it, shocked and confused, and was stupefied shortly after."
I open my mouth to speak but close it shortly after. My hands grapple at the sheets, feeling a horrid blend of rage and despair filling my each and every cell. I close my eyes, clenching my jaw, feeling a few tears falling down my cheeks.
"Who?" I inquire. "Who found us?"
She sighs. "You know who found you."
I don't hold back anymore. I throw the glass on the other side of the room, making it splash its content all over the floor and then shatter on the wall. A scream of angst and pain leaves my lungs as I hold onto my hair in profound anger.
"THAT VENOMOUS SNAKE!" I cry loudly and desperately. "IT WASN'T ENOUGH TO MESS WITH OUR FRIENDSHIP, SHE HAD TO MESS UP WITH MY RELATIONSHIP!"
"Athie…" Rowan says, gently, softly taking my hands away from my hair and wiping my tears lovingly. "We know it was her. It was crystal clear, but we have no proof. We need to find a way to stop her fast. She tried to make me curse you. She tried to get Talbott to kill you…"
"Talbott," I whisper. "Where is he?"
"Being interrogated by Dumbledore," she says. "As far as I'm concerned, no one knows what truly happened. His secret is safe for now."
"And how did I end up in here?" I ask. "If Rakepick wanted me dead, why didn't she let me bleed to death?"
"I don't know," she says. "I don't think she wants you dead right now. She wants you to be alone. Friendless… Vulnerable… But we won't let it happen, Athie. You will never be alone."
I sigh heavily, feeling more tears shedding. "Have I been here all day?"
She lifts her brows. "All day? Athie, you've been here all week."
"All week?" I gasp. "I've been in the hospital for seven days?"
"Actually, eight," she says. "It's Monday already."
I cover my face with my hands. "Eight days… What happened meanwhile?"
She pulls the chair closer, resting her elbows on the mattress. "Your father came. He wanted to transfer you to St. Mungus, but Madam Pomfrey guaranteed you'd be safer under her watch. He yelled at Dumbledore for almost an hour."
I fall on my back, lifting my hand to rest it on my forehead, noticing that both my hands are wrapped in gauze. "What happened to me?"
"How much do you remember?" she asks.
I close my eyes. "Just some flashes… Talbott bit me… He tossed me against the Greenhouse's wall."
She lands one hand over mine. "You came here in a deplorable situation. There was blood splashing from a wound on your neck, but there was also a cut on the back of your head and glass shards on your knees, arms, face and hands. We were afraid that you wouldn't make it, but Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape worked hard to restore your blood and close all the cuts."
"And Talbott? How is he?"
"He's okay. I don't know the extent of the problems, but I don't think he'll be expelled. His grandfather came too. Yelled at Dumbledore some more. Pretty feisty for a Muggle, actually."
"Did he come see me?" I ask. "I want to see him."
She caresses the back of my wrist with her thumb. "As far as I know, he didn't come yet. I haven't seen him since it happened, but Tulip saw him just once and said that he looks positively miserable."
"He'll blame himself," I say, the tears getting heavier. "He'll think it's all hist fault."
"It's not," she says. "We aren't strong enough to resist the Imperius curse, especially when we're distracted."
I stare at the ceiling – angry, sad and in disbelief – and allow myself to cry until the night falls and Rowan has to leave for dinner. Madam Pomfrey comes again and makes me drink some more of the restoring and calming potion. Alone in the silent hospital, with only the nurse's soft steps to keep me company, I cry until I fall asleep again, dreaming of that the Dark Lake's water weren't truly water, but thick gooey blood.
When I open my eyes again, the Tuesday's morning sun is bathing the room, launching stripes of light along the floor, entering through the gaps in the curtains. I sit on the bed, still feeling a little weak, and Madam Pomfrey approaches the bed, bringing a tray of what seems to be a bowl of chocolate pudding and a cup of tea.
"How are you feeling, dear?" she asks, gently.
"Better," I say, simply.
"I want you to stay here a few more hours, just for another round of Hema-Rest, and then you can go," she says. "You lost quite a lot of blood. After you finish your breakfast, I'll bring you the potion."
"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey."
Still torn between anger and sadness, I stick the spoon into the soft pudding, when the sound of steps make me lift my head. "Tal!"
Tulip wasn't joking. The boy standing in front of me isn't at all like the one I was kissing a week ago. Talbott has purple bags under his eyes and he looks awfully sad. I put the tray aside, reaching out to hold his hand, but he steps back, looking away.
"Tal, Rowan told me everything," I start. "I can't believe that viper tried to ruin what we have."
He maintains his gaze somewhere between a distant window and a cabinet of medication, and very slowly moves his face, finally landing his sad red eyes on me. "Athena…"
I make a mention to stand up, but he takes a step closer, preventing me from leaving the bed. I instantly wrap my arms around his waist, resting my face on his stomach. "Why didn't you come? Rowan said you never came…"
His hands gently hold my face, lifting it for me to look at him. His bright ruby eyes seem to have lost all shine, looking dull and sad in the morning light. "Athena… What happened that day, can never repeat itself again."
"I know," I say. "We'll be more careful. We'll avoid being alone, so Ra-"
"No," he says. "What happened that day… will never happen again."
"I know!" I repeat. "We'll be stronger if we're around our friends. If we were in group, it wouldn't have happened!"
I watch him swallow hard, leaning on and gently placing a kiss on my lips. "You always make things too hard."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
He flashes me a forlorn gaze, sorrowful and broken, and I notice how much he's holding back not to cry. "I have said this a million times, but I love you, Athena. This is why I never want to be reason that your heart stops beating."
I frown. "I don't understand what you're saying. You didn't try to kill me. You were being controlled."
He nods. "I know. Regardless, if there weren't feelings involved… If we didn't love each other so much… You would've been more aware. You would've been able to fight back."
"Tal…"
"I love you, Bubo," he says. "Madly. And I never want to hurt you again."
"And you won't!" I say, desperate. "I'll be more conscious! I won't let it ha-"
"And this is why," he continues, stepping back, away from my reach, as a single tear falls down his cheek. "I'm breaking up with you."
* Ashes and Wine, by A Fine Frenzy
