"Here," said a voice behind her, and Lucy glanced back with a weak, grateful smile. She was exhausted after not sleeping well for the last few nights, and Gray could see it as he passed her Happy. She ran her fingers along the familiar's spine, smiling kindly at him when he purred. Gray was quiet as she lifted him into the basket attached to Salutem, who was calmly standing there. His massive antlers cast odd shadows over them as Lucy turned to Gray, her fingers tightening her coat around her.
"Thanks," she murmured, breath puffing from her mouth in a white cloud. Not for the first time, she missed Natsu. If only for the heat he offered, she tried to tell herself, but she knew better. She knew that she missed him, her easily entertained, wild partner, who was frantic at the idea of making her cry and warm in every possible way.
Not that there was any heat now. As she and Gray looked over to see how Erza and Jellal were getting along, with Jellal lifting his odd goblin friend into a basket, too, that had been positioned on Hypnos's hip, she could feel him. He was shockingly cold, with random bursts of fiercely hot temper that made her wince. He'd felt everything under the sun over the last few days. More often than not, he'd seize that piece of her he could touch in razor sharp, blazing talons and rake them over her, as if he wished he could do it to her person, as if he was trying to separate himself from her.
That was what had kept her up at night, unable to sleep as she curled up in Gray's spare guest room, grateful for her friend's offer of housing her until she had a new home to go to. He tried it often enough, that it kept her from a full night's rest, which Lucy found she really could have used, given where they were going.
Yet, even then...she could feel that single, flickering flame that told her he still cared, no matter how much it upset him to do so.
Lucy mumbled another word of thanks when Gray hoisted her up onto Salutem, casting a look westward and settling carefully into her favorite stag's saddle. Natsu was in that direction, she thought. She still struggled on occasion to pinpoint him, even when he could usually find her immediately. She wondered what he was doing-
"It's alright to be worried," said a voice to her right, and Lucy was shocked to realize Jellal had mounted Hypnos and moved the sharp-toothed equine to stand beside her as they waited for Gray and Erza to finish up. Makarov was waiting patiently to speak with them all, his sharp eyes thoughtful. "Regardless of what happened, it's clear that you care for Natsu. I don't know what it is that you informed him of to result in such a response, but I'm confident that Natsu will come to realize that you didn't hide it to be cruel."
"Thanks, Jellal," said Lucy honestly, "but...I don't think so. I…" She took a deep breath. Jellal could be trusted. He might even be the one to help her fix it, seeing as she didn't have the one she'd thought she'd have. "It's Natsu who destroys Crocus. It's not what I told him that he got so angry about...I lied to him. And you know how he is about things like that. I knew from the moment I realized how serious he was about Igneel's betrayal that I'd be no different. I'm not expecting his forgiveness, but I still intend to help him."
"I've known of Natsu for a long time," murmured Jellal, cocking his head a little. "I never spoke with him, but I remember seeing him here or there before the Demonic Wars began. He held such grudges then, too, but he craves the type of bonds he has with you, what he had with Igneel, more than you think. He'll come back to you, even if it takes time."
"That's the problem, then. I don't have twenty years for him to come around again. I have less than one." Lucy shook her head. "I'm okay with it. I accepted that this would happen, even if it still upset me, and I don't expect anything else. Though…" She glanced west again. "The idiot missed part of what I said. "'At the end of the year seven-ninety seven, the son of the Fire Dragon King fell victim to his grief and annihilated the city of Crocus - now fondly called Old Crocus.'"
"'Fell victim to his grief?'" echoed Jellal, curious.
Lucy nodded. "I've been thinking about that. It's why I think that I disappear at the end of all this, that I go back to my time or just perish. Natsu would grieve for a lot of people, but from the way it feels when you lose a Marked One…" She remembered how it had felt from Aries's exam, how it had been like drowning. "I wouldn't be surprised if it's what sparks his decision. It's very much like Igneel, I think. Everything he's doing. What happened with Leo's trial...what would happen if something happened to me? It worries me." She paused, and then added, "And I don't think it's because it's me specifically. He'd lose a part of his soul."
"Ah, you underestimate yourself, Lucy," said Jellal gently, looking rather amused as he shifted in Hypnos's saddle. "After all, he was missing a piece of his soul for twenty years before you came, and the changes we've seen in him only occurred after you arrived-" He cut the conversation off after a quick look over his shoulder showed Gray waving them over, already on Shiria. Lucy's heart twisted when she saw Erza frowning down at Thanatos's bared teeth, his head tossing impatiently as he eyed Lucy suspiciously. As if he was blaming her for Natsu's absence.
Lucy sighed heavily and didn't say anything as she turned her attention on the concerned Makarov. "You're sure that you want to return to the southwestern mountains?" he demanded, his gaze entirely on hers.
Lucy nodded. She'd been dragged into his office to clarify everything she could about what Acnologia was doing. So when she said, "I don't think there's anywhere else I can get what we need from right now," he merely nodded. Lucy continued, "Our best hope of figuring out the entirety of why Acnologia's trying to reverse time...I think it's best to try and understand him further. What happened between him and Anna outside of what Loke told us. What sparked the decision to try after almost eight hundred years have passed."
"It could be your arrival," reminded Erza, but Lucy shook her head.
"It's something else." Her eyes narrowed. "I was in this time when I was a child, and he wouldn't have risked my death if he wanted my blood for the Eclipse Gate back then. There's something else - a final key that we don't know about."
"Lucy is right," agreed Makarov, his gaze resting on each of them kindly. His lips were curved into a rueful smile. "Something influenced this dragon's actions, and we need to understand it. Especially as such actions are occurring at this point in time, when ties between the Council and guilds are so tremulous, when people are rising against the concept of mythics. This is too coincidental."
Lucy's eyes glowed just briefly; Makarov understood her determination to understand Acnologia. But the glow faded when she felt something in her chest shred through that relief, turning it back into a dark misery that nearly drove her to the brink of insanity. "Makarov," she said, lowering her voice, and he focused on her. "If Natsu comes through-"
"We'll keep an eye out for Natsu," he promised, shaking his head with a heavy sigh. Natsu hadn't been seen since everything had gone so wrong, but Lucy knew that he was near town; she'd felt it. And, if she was perfectly honest, she'd not be surprised if he followed them southwest. "I knew he had some issues regarding trusting others, but…" He paused with a frown. "I suppose it is partially my fault. I betrayed his trust as much as you did."
Makarov knew, too. Lucy had informed those that needed to know of the truth. That group had been severely limited, however. Makarov and Gildarts, Jellal and Erza, and then Gray, who'd already known the truth. She'd considered informing Juvia, who had become a very good friend, and Laxus and Mirajane, who were just as much a member of Makarov's council as Gray was, but...Laxus's reaction to what Natsu was always scared her, and Mirajane, as lovely as she was, couldn't seem to keep a secret.
"It doesn't matter now," Lucy said firmly, though she supposed it most likely did. "We have other things to worry about, starting with Acnologia. If we stop Acnologia, we can keep Natsu from getting hurt more than he already is." Because that was precisely what happened. If Natsu destroyed Crocus, it would hurt him more than anything else, regardless of his opinion of them at the moment.
They left shortly after that, bidding farewell to their concerned guildmaster, and as Salutem briskly strode through Magnolia, Lucy heard calls of their names, wishes of good luck, and farewells. The recognition from the people of the town made her all the more determined.
She would ensure that Natsu was saved from the destruction of Crocus.
No matter what it took, Natsu would not become the monster he thought everyone wanted him to be.
Lucy tapped her fingers on the rock beneath her, listening to the soft sounds of those sleeping behind her. Her gaze was locked on the stars above, her brow furrowed in thought and not a trace of sleepiness to be found. It was partially because of the frustrated rage that had been slamming through her, over and over again during the day, accompanied by bouts of fear and concern that made it that much worse.
Lucy wasn't sure what Natsu was doing, but the way everything seemed to boil and slither beneath her skin made her think that he wasn't happy, even outside of his anger. It was a cycle that took place: the wary concern would coil in her gut, followed by the confusion, followed by the sudden spike of frustration, and then the talons would come tearing in, raking and slicing whatever they could reach.
Sometimes, Lucy wondered if it was possible for Natsu to actually shred her apart from the inside out.
A muted flash of light drew her attention to her right, and she blinked. "Loke," she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder to ensure the others were sleeping. She'd offered to keep watch, seeing as she couldn't sleep anyways. Gray had warned her he'd better have been woken up for a turn that night, or he'd ensure he drugged her tea.
As if reading her mind, Loke cocked his head and frowned at her, taking a seat beside her. "You shouldn't go so long without sleep. You're going to hurt yourself."
"Doubt it. Not apparently human, remember?" Lucy waved him off, even as she yawned and wiped at her sleepy eyelids. She didn't believe her own words, and she could tell Loke didn't either. Even if she was a fallen star, she needed sleep. It did make her wonder how Natsu could reportedly go for months without needing sleep at all. "What do you need, Loke?"
The spirit's frown deepened, and he looked almost insulted. "I don't need anything. I thought you could use the company is all." He paused, then grimaced, moving to rise to his feet again. "Then again, I realize now that Layla was very unhappy with me after her exam-"
"I don't blame you," Lucy said firmly, gesturing for him to sit back down. She didn't mind his company. "You were merely doing what you have to as a celestial spirit. I wouldn't have expected anything less from you, Loke, although I do admit I would have wished for a warning ahead of time. Besides, that would have happened, regardless. I was going to tell him after the exam; I just didn't expect it to take place during the trial."
Loke sighed softly, rocking back to prop himself on his hands, legs stretched out in front of him. After a few moments of peaceful silence, he mused, "You know, Lucy, I didn't put a time limit on my trial." Her head snapped around to look at him, and he met her gaze evenly. "Anna and Layla didn't die because of the trial; there was a war on Anna's part, and Layla had made a bargain with the Wild Hunt. While there is the matter of Acnologia...you have at least some time before things could go so badly. And the day Natsu moves past what you told him...the day he can willingly accept what you've told him...you will have passed my test, and we will welcome you both as Keeper and Guardian, even if I do not approve whatsoever of Natsu's actions during his trial.
"The Spirit King liked your comment the other day, by the way," added Loke thoughtfully. "'Natsu may have failed to become a Guardian, but I can call myself a Keeper.' How you said you'd fight like you were already a Keeper to protect us. You will be the Keeper, regardless of the fact if Natsu's your Guardian. Another can be found. You have your position."
Lucy smiled ruefully. "I don't think I want the position without him," she admitted.
"You no longer have a choice," he said just as kindly. "You will be Keeper once a Guardian can be found, Lucy. The magic has already claimed you. Which means you'd do well to begin acting like one."
Lucy plucked up the keys, running her fingers fondly over each individual key. They seared beneath her touch, almost fondly - all except for Aquarius, who snapped at her fingers playfully. "Then I'll start defending you all even more fiercely then I would have initially." She smiled warmly at him. "Thank you," she added "For the company, Loke. You can sit with me as long as you'd like."
"That," said Loke with a hint of a grin, "will be as long as you're out here awake."
They were quiet for a few minutes, lost in thought. Loke was the first to break it, his gaze grim when Lucy glanced at him again. "I am sorry. About Natsu." His fingers snaked up to clutch an object that was hidden beneath his clothes, fingers tightening around it. "He might not remember me very well, but I remember him back when Layla was still alive, and he was...he was very unlike what he is now. Even after everything Zeref did to him, he was rather joyous for what one would think regarding what he was." He gave her a sad smile, dropping his hand away from whatever it was he wore. "He was quick to smile, though he hated lies and trickery just as much as he does now. It was why he liked you so much as a child, you know."
Lucy was quiet, listening thoughtfully to her companion's gentle words. She prompted after a moment's hesitation, "How...how did Natsu and I meet? When I was little? What was he like back then besides what you've said? And how did we ever get around to him Marking me as a child?"
Loke groaned and flopped onto his back with an exaggerated grimace. "Annoying. He was very annoying. Always questioning things, constantly in everyone's business. Not much has changed regarding that, I suppose, although he's more sneaky about it." He folded his hands on his stomach, watching the stars, and Lucy carefully let herself lie down beside him, her eyes shifting to the stars above.
"I was out in this realm more than I was now," mused Loke aloud. "Constantly with Layla. I was the only spirit that held a contract with her, so it made sense. I remember that on the day you and Natsu met for the first time, I was skeptical. Layla had told me Igneel was bringing his adopted son, and of course, I knew precisely who he was. I warned her against letting Natsu come here, said that it was a bad idea, but she ignored me. She tended to do that on most matters. You were three, almost four years old when Igneel showed up with Natsu in tow.
"He was...entirely different, I suppose, from what I'd expected of the Demon King, even several centuries after the Demonic Wars ended. He was so...energetic, constantly looking, constantly asking questions. Completely different from what you likely know him to be now, all serious and quiet and demanding answers rather than asking. Igneel introduced him to Layla first, of course, and he was pleasant enough to her and Jude, though I can't say the same about Jude. He was always rather frosty towards the dragons, not too pleased with the fact that his wife was Marked by a dragon. He didn't know me very well, though I think we'd had glimpses of one another before then. He was rather wary of me at the time, likely concerned I'd spill his secret.
"And then Layla introduced you." Loke's lips curved into a wide grin. "You were hiding in her skirts, nervous about this new person, even as you wanted to greet Igneel. You'd met him several times before then. Natsu got down on your level and introduced himself, and you did the same, and before we knew it, the pair of you were attached at the hip." Loke snorted, seemingly annoyed. "It was horrific, the amount of trouble you got into with him. You would think a creature who'd seen a millennia would know better, but...heavens above, the time Layla was told he'd taken you into Crocus and had lost you in the city…"
Lucy's lips quirked, wishing she could remember such things herself - wishing that Natsu could remember them. She wondered if any of such memories might have made a difference in what had happened during Loke's trial, but…at the same time, Lucy couldn't help but think it might have made it all worse.
"Anyways, I was present for most of the chaos. Layla requested I keep an eye on the pair of you after the incident with you getting lost." Loke rolled his eyes, scowling. "Natsu hated it, but admitted it was probably a good idea, considering he has the attention span of a pixie." Lucy couldn't help the small chuckle that left her at that, because he wasn't necessarily wrong. Most of the time, anyways. There were times when Natsu could zone in on something and forget the rest of the world, too.
"We became decent friends over the next year or so," said Loke firmly, looking wistful about it. "He wasn't as bad as I'd been led to think regarding his demon status, and there were moments...very rare, but they were there. Moments where you could see the scars that lingered from what Zeref had done. I think that's why he latched so hard onto you, a child, more so than even he'd done to Igneel. Because you didn't know any better. While the rest of us saw him as Natsu Dragneel, the prince of the Alvarez Empire and the Demon King no matter how hard we tried, you saw him as simply Natsu, your best friend.
"One day, there was an assassination attempt on your life." Loke scowled, a snarl materializing on his face. "The bastard must have chickened out simply from guilt, because it turned out to be one of Layla's most trusted servants, and she'd always treated him well. But he poisoned you with just enough to make you violently ill. Natsu was beside himself, barely able to keep a hold on his control. We couldn't figure out why he was so angry about it until he admitted that he could smell the poison about you, before even Igneel could.
"So, Igneel asked you when you were awake for a short time. I was there, and so was Igneel. Layla had gone to inform Jude." Loke growled softly. "You'd always been honest with everyone. It was the one time you hesitated, because you didn't want to get in trouble while feeling sick. When you refused to answer, Natsu asked. And the second he asked, of course, you were spilling everything we needed to know.
"Layla let Natsu drag the man in, and after everything was said and done, and you were feeling better, Natsu vanished for a short time with Igneel. You were horrible to deal with," teased Loke, and Lucy flushed. "Constantly demanding Natsu come home, constantly asking where he'd gone, asking why he wasn't there. I think you once said something along the lines of, 'I don't want you, Loke, I want Natsu.'" Lucy snorted at the poor imitation of her voice.
"Anyways, Natsu showed back up one day with Igneel and asked if I could barter on his behalf. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to Mark you, told me that he and Igneel had gone back to Tenrou to converse with the other dragons and figure out if it was even possible. The others didn't agree, but Igneel thought it'd be good for him. Layla gave her permission so long as you agreed, and when Igneel explained what Natsu was asking to you, you were immediately all for it."
Loke fell quiet after that, and Lucy got the feeling he'd not go further with the story. She felt a flicker of exhaustion, and sorrow. "So," she murmured, "he wanted to Mark me because I was honest only with him." She snorted softly. "Look how badly I ruined that."
Loke merely hummed soothingly and said, "Natsu is different from then, Lucy, but not that different. Have some faith in him. He craves the bond he has with you more than he thinks."
Lucy merely shook her head as she rocked upright. "Maybe," was all she said, and they were silent after that.
I thought about updating this all day yesterday and ended up forgetting to 'cause I was too busy reading. But here it is, a day late (again). Hope you enjoyed. ;)
Thanks to reviewers (xXCelestialAssassin, Lissuin, Sele de la Luna, Bookwork129, AthomeinFairytail, FairyTailxFanGirl, Alera33, valerioux, PaperTowell, Uchida Akira, Kisa7221, Sydneste, itsxoi, TigerArrowgirl, Meow Orbit, Guest #1, Guest #2, madaraswife, Guest #3, Maikoa, nerdalertwarning, stranger1999, polinar, Kaisha, wetpussycat, halobeast-117, rao hyuga 18, Lodemai04, Surfy, and zizi08!) as well as those who favorited and followed!
