Chapter 114 - Calm before the Storm

Ironhide P.O.V

The humans have a saying; ''It's the calm before the storm.'' It is a reference to the moments of relative peace, safety, and tranquillity before all is shattered and torn apart as a storm or destructive force descends. As I stare about the dusty, abandoned old church that serves as our makeshift base of operations, I cannot help but feel that we are experiencing that calm, that moment - before our world is about to be blown apart.

I cast my optics around the room. The young humans have gone with Bumblebee to try and procure some essential supplies for themselves. Cade converses quietly with Rachet about Transformer anatomy and science and together they look over the drone he '''liberated'' from KSI. Drift sits off in a corner meditating while Crosshairs and Hound, in a rare moment of amicable comradery, discuss and catalogue their own personal cache of firearms and weaponry.

As my optics continue to scan the room they come to rest on the tall and powerful figure of Optimus Prime as he stands propped up against a pillar, gazing out a window. I give a small sigh as I take in the sight of our leader and my friend deep in thought. For a moment I hesitate, unsure if I should approach him or not. /He gets so little time to himself to simply ''be,'' perhaps I should just leave him to his thoughts/.

''Ironhide,'' the deep voice of Prime rolls towards me, though he does not turn to face me. ''A moment please.''

/Then again, maybe he does need to talk/. I stride towards him, ''Yes Optimus?'' all the while wondering how he seemed to ''know'' I was deliberating talking to him.

As I come to a stop beside him, Prime half turns to face me, his strong red and blue arms folded across his broad chest and a concerned look upon his features. ''Ironhide,'' his voice is barely a whisper. ''Rachet told me you spoke to Elita after,'' he paused a moment as the recollection washed over him, ''after the events of Mexico City.'' He shuttered his optics and looked away, staring out the window once again. ''Please Ironhide, tell me, what did you talk about?'' He sighed out loud and shifted on his pedes, turning to face me. ''I normally would not pry but, I need to know if she is okay. I need to know how she feels – about us.''

I nodded and felt a small twinge in my spark for my friend. On top of all this KSI nonsense, Prime was plagued with worry and concern over the two femmes in his life that he loved and cared for. I felt a small smile begin to form on my dermas. /Optimus was not one to give his spark away lightly but when he does, he goes all in!/. I only just managed to stop myself from laughing fondly at Prime's inherent quirks. Does he know any other way? Even with leading, battle plans, everything, he always takes his time to study, plan, strategise, and then he commits himself totally until he sees something through – or dies trying! /Why should love for him be any different?/, I reasoned.

''Ironhide?'' Prime tentatively called my name, his optic ridge furrowed in concern when I did not respond.

I give my helm a slight shake, ''Sorry Prime. I was merely recalling my conversation with Elita.''

''Understood. Again, I do not mean to pry but, I need to know how she feels. I need to fix this - rift - between us 'Hide,'' Prime's optics gazed sadly into mine and I simply nodded. Anything to help my friend.

''Well Prime, let me first start by saying I do not know how you ended up telling her about Phoenix and what transpired between you both that night and I DON'T want to know, but I will tell you what we talked about that day after you sent your message.''

Prime simply nodded his helm and gestured for me to take a seat on a sturdy pile of rubbish as he sat opposite me. ''Before we broke off into teams to minimise the chance of getting caught, I noticed Elita standing off on her own. She had barely spoken since she returned, and it was not hard to tell she was beside herself with worry for you and she was angry. Angrier than I have ever seen her.''

At this Prime lowered his helm and his shoulders slumped, though he refrained from speaking.

''When I approached her to remind her we needed to get going, I could tell she was barely holding it together. So, I took the opportunity to talk to her. She blamed herself Prime for what happened to you, for leaving you.''

Prime's optics snapped up, a look of horror on his face, ''But that's not true Ironhide! I don't blame her at all. I TOLD her to leave – I ordered her!''

I sighed out loud, ''I know. She knows. But it doesn't stop the guilt from eating away at you, does it?'' I raised an accusatory optic ridge at him as I know full well how often he takes the blame for things out of his control.

Prime set his dermas in a hard line and looked away. /Got ya!/.

''I reminded her of how you can get, of how stubborn you can be when you set your mind to something as well as how protective you can be of those you care for.'' Prime nodded his helm and went to speak but I continued, ''she told me she did not believe she fit that description anymore Prime, that she knew about her.'' Prime flinched as he heard the icy tone in my voice as I relayed what Elita had said.

I shook my helm and sighed again. ''The way she said ''her,'' she was pissed and,'' I fixed Prime with a hard stare, ''perhaps she had some reason to be. Two years Prime. You said nothing to her about Phoenix for two years. Why?'' I had wanted to know the answer to this myself.

Prime rose to his pedes and paced back and forth for a moment, his agitation and annoyance – at himself – very evident. ''I don't know Ironhide! There never seemed to be the right moment, something always seemed to come up at the wrong…''

''Bullshit!'' Prime stopped pacing as though I had just shot him. His optics flew to mine, demanding an explanation. I rose to my pedes and strode over to him. ''You mean to tell me that for two years while we sat around in various small towns and then in Monument Valley, with no Mearing or Morshower or Lennox to report to on a daily basis, no meetings, no training drills, you are telling me that you had NO time at all to have a five-minute chat with Elita and set her straight?'' The moment the words were out of my dermas, I wished I had tried to tone down the sarcasm and impertinence but stuff it! /I was Prime's oldest friend and if I couldn't call him on crap, then I was doing him a great disservice as a friend/.

Prime clenched his servos by his side, his chest rose and fell as he cycled air, his optics shuttered rapidly, his face looked like thunder and he shifted from pede to pede. For a moment it looked as though he was about to tear me a new one, but I did not back down. I folded my arms across my chest and waited.

After a moment Prime's frame seemed to slump, his servos unclenched, and his optics fixed on the ground before me. ''You're right. It was a poor excuse Ironhide.'' He slowly raised his optics to mine and sighed, ''I guess, I didn't know how to go about it. I didn't know how NOT to hurt her, and I didn't want to hurt her.'' He gave a self-depreciating snort, ''and yet I ended up doing that anyway!'' Prime turned to face the window again. ''Rachet believes Phoenix left to give Elita and I a chance to reconnect, to have a second chance at love.'' He slowly shook his helm, ''Perhaps that is part of the reason why I held off telling her. I had to take the opportunity Phoenix had selflessly given us to see..''

''If you could reconnect, if there was still something there between you,'' I finished for him.

Prime nodded, though he did not look at me, simply continued to gaze out the window.

''And?'' I coaxed. ''I am assuming you finally realised what you had was gone and that Phoenix was the one you loved and wanted to be with.'' There was no judgement in my tone. It was a simple statement.

Prime nodded his helm slowly and turned to face me. His dermas turned down at the corners, his optics brimmed with such sadness. He looked tortured. ''Yes, but in order to truly come to that realisation, I did something I am ashamed of Ironhide.''

I removed my arms from across my chest and placed them on my hips. ''I have a feeling I might regret asking this, but what did you do Prime?''

Prime cycled air deeply and hung his helm in abject sorrow and shame. ''I… I kissed her. I held her in my arms, and I kissed her. I led her to believe, if only for a moment, that things between us were what they once were, that perhaps I loved her as I once did.'' Prime raised his painfilled optics to mine, his face twisted in pain and torment. ''Ironhide, I fear I have destroyed any chance I may have had of keeping Elita in my life as a cherished and loved friend.'' Prime's voice dropped to the faintest of whispers as he spoke his fear out loud. ''I fear in one moment of poor judgement and weakness, I betrayed Phoenix and lost Elita, and it hurts. It's tearing me apart Ironhide.'' As if to emphasise this point, he raised his servo to his chest and clutched at his spark.

I walked over to my friend and my leader and placed a servo on his shoulder, just as I had done for Elita that day. ''Prime, of course it hurts. As I said to Elita that day, despite what she may think now, you loved her for so long, missed her, mourned her and that she would always be special to you and on some level, you will always love her. You just aren't in love with her.''

Prime flinched at my words. ''That's what I said to her that day when I tried to explain.''

Comprehension slowly dawned on me as I recalled our conversation that day. /Well that would explain her reaction when I said those same words that day!/. I sighed. ''This pain you feel Prime, this love you think you feel for her, is simply grief – grief for what once was between you. A final acknowledgement of what you had once is now gone.''

Prime slowly nodded his helm, though his servo stayed where it was.

I continued in my train of thought, determined to try and bring some relief to the aching spark beside me. ''That day I spoke with her I raised the same notion when she told me how hurt she was, how angry and betrayed she felt towards you for loving another.'' Prime flinched. ''I explained to her that if she truly looked deep inside her spark, she knew that you had both drifted apart. To be able to ''break'' her bond the way she did to the point you thought she was dead indicated to me that perhaps it was not as strong as it once was. That the feelings she once had, for a variety of reasons, had changed.''

Prime slowly removed his servo from his hand and stood a little taller. ''What are you saying Ironhide?''

I removed the servo from his shoulder and stepped back to give him space to process what I was about to say. ''I'm saying Prime that for both of you, I think that maybe, just maybe, on some level the ''love'' you both think you felt for the other, especially these past few millennia, was just a feeling of familiarity and comfort and nothing more. You were together as Ariel and Orion Pax, then as Optimus and Elita. I am saying Prime, that perhaps your love grew to be just an expectation placed upon you by others - and yourselves. That there was this notion that just because you once were together, that you should both naturally continue this path?''

Prime did not move. It was as though he was frozen to the spot as he digested this information.

I took his silence as leave to continue my explanation. ''That day I spoke with Elita I said as much to her. I explained to her that perhaps she has subconsciously known and felt that way for some time.'' I paused a moment and stared intently at Prime to gauge his reaction as I prepared to tell him what I told her. ''I asked Elita; Perhaps, there is something or someone else that has also captured your spark?''

Prime drew a sharp intake of ''breath'' and in the barest of whispers, uttered a single name. ''Magnus.''

My dermas twisted into a wry smile, ''She did not say anyone's name Prime when I asked her this, though I dare say you might be right in that assumption.'' I gave a small chuckle of fond recollection. ''You pair were always vying for Ariel's attention back then.''

Prime's optics flashed dangerously for a moment and he clenched his right servo into a tightly balled fist. /He was jealous/.

I gave my friend a small, sad smile. ''Magnus is a decent, kind and honourable mech, much like yourself Prime and you no longer lay any claim over Elita's spark – by your own admission too. Why do you react in such a manner? Surely you would not begrudge either of them the chance for happiness, especially not when you have been lucky enough to find it with Phoenix?'' I raised an optical ridge in his direction and once again folded my arms over my chest.

Almost immediately Prime's fist unclenched, and he closed his optics tightly, as if forcing himself to banish those feelings. He nodded his helm slowly in agreeance before he turned bright blue azure optics towards me. ''You are right my friend, about everything. Thank you Ironhide.'' A small, but kind smile spread across his dermas and the relief in his voice made me smile, grateful I could help my friend and my leader deal with his many burdens in some small way.

In the distance I heard the unmistakable sound of Bumblebee's engine as the young ones were about to return from their mission. I glanced about. The others seemed to be trying ''not to'' listen to our conversation. /Perhaps it was time to leave our discussion there for today?/.

Prime must have also heard Bumblebee's engines and become aware of our growing audience. Optimus could be a very private mech, so I knew our conversation was about to end. I had given my friend enough information to provide some measure of comfort. Perhaps he had heard what he needed to hear? At least I had said what I needed to say, well – almost.

''You are welcome Optimus. One last thing.'' Prime raised on optical ridge in silent query though nodded his helm for me to proceed. ''That day I spoke with Elita, despite her anger at you, the overwhelming feeling I got from her was regret. Not that you did not love her anymore, but that your last words to each other were in anger. She regretted abandoning you when you needed her and,'' I allowed the trace of a smile on my dermas, ''she said she still loved you and could not stand this rift between you.''

Prime's small smile grew until it reached his optics. He reached out and placed a servo on my shoulder and squeezed it. ''Thank you Ironhide. That is what I needed to hear. While ever there is a chance she cares for our friendship, for us, I must take it and do what I failed to all those years ago - fight to keep it and her in my life. I have much to aplogise to her for, and believe me I will, but perhaps we will be okay. Perhaps I have not lost her and that Ironhide, brings me great hope and happiness.''

I smiled back at him and clasped his shoulder in reciprocation. ''I am glad to hear it Optimus.'' After a moment I sent him a teasing smile. ''So, one down, one to go? We going for two from two Prime?'' My meaning perfectly clear.

Prime's smile started to fade, though it did not leave his dermas altogether and he gave my shoulder a final squeeze before withdrawing his servo and turning to face Bumblebee as he drove inside with Tessa and Shane and the spoils of their mission. ''I hope so Ironhide, I truly hope so.''