May 16
It's been a month since we found out I'm pregnant.
This afternoon I stood in front of the mirror in our bedroom while I was putting some stuff away trying to imagine I would look with a baby bump. After all, it won't be long before my stomach starts to grow and I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Things seem to be going by so fast and today I started to realize how frightening that actually is.
I feel like reality kind of set in for me today. I'm still happy to be pregnant and excited to have the baby. But today was when I realized what that will mean for me when nine months are over.
The idea of pushing out a baby has always been a little daunting to me. But at least in my era, there were epidurals and a lot of other types of medicine to make the birth less painful. Here there isn't really anything to help. I've helped Kaede with a few births up to this point and the mothers were always screaming in horrible pain. The thought of doing that and going through that much pain was extremely terrifying to me.
What was even more terrifying was that there are so many risks that come with having a baby. It was risky in my era, but with advanced medical technology, there wasn't much of a chance for something to go wrong. As I stood in our bedroom, I started to feel sick as the possibilities ran through my head: there could be something wrong with the baby, I could need a c-section, or worse...I could die during the birth.
I sat down on the bed letting that sink in. There was a very real chance I could die giving birth and that absolutely terrified me. My child could grow up without a mother. Or we both could die and Inuyasha would be left alone.
At that moment, Inuyasha came into the room carrying Nico. "Hey, love."
I guess I looked pretty upset because he put Nico down then sat next to me.
"What's the matter?"
"I was just thinking about having the baby," I replied. I held his hand and instantly felt a bit of comfort. "It's very risky to have babies in this era."
He nodded slowly. "Yes, that's true. I'm sure they have a lot of things to make it safer in your era, don't they?"
"They do. There are even ways to stop the pain." I was silent for a moment. "There's much more of a chance for something bad to happen here. I could die."
He put his arms around me. "I've been trying not to think of that possibility too much."
A moment later I felt something wet on my shoulder. I looked up and found that there were tears in his eyes. "Yasha?"
"I'm sorry," he said with a sniff. "I know that there's a very real chance that you or the baby or even both of you could die." His voice was thick with sadness. "You and this baby are the most important things in the world to me. If anything were to happen you, I...I don't know what I would do…"
"Inuyasha, I understand," I said as I wiped his tears away. "I'm scared. I want everything to go smoothly."
He put his forehead on mine. "I wish I could make things easier for you. You go through nine months of being sick and all of these changes to your body and then you risk your life to bring our baby into the world. I wish that it didn't have to be so hard for you."
"I really appreciate that, honey," I said before placing a gentle kiss on his lips. "It's going to be worth it. I don't mind going through all of that as long as we can have our baby in the end. Everything is going to be okay."
He hugged me tightly again. "I'm so grateful to you, Kagome. I love you so much, sweetheart."
"I love you too, Yasha."
I know that things will be hard when it comes time to give birth. I'm still very nervous about it. Yasha and I have been through too much for this to go wrong somehow. But I think I'll be okay as long as I have him by my side to comfort me and reassure me throughout all of this.
