May 30
When I woke up this morning, I rolled over and found that the space next to me was empty. Inuyasha must have already been up making breakfast or something. I lay there for a few more minutes with my eyes closed thinking about him and how wonderful our life was going to be when the baby is born. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life.
But when I opened my eyes, I immediately noticed that something was wrong.
I wasn't in our house. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and found that I wasn't mistaken. I sat up in a cold panic when I found that I was in my old room at my family's house, in my old bed. This wasn't right at all. Why was I here all of a sudden and where was Inuyasha?
I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs hoping that this was some kind of mistake. Maybe I had missed something and was having some kind of amnesia. We had gone down the well together and were able to visit my family. He had let me sleep in and was now sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast with everyone. That was the only explanation.
But when I entered the kitchen, it was just mom, Sota, and grandpa sitting in their usual seats.
"Good morning, Kagome," grandpa said.
"You sure slept in late, sis," Sota said.
"Come sit down and eat, dear," mom said.
But I couldn't move. I just stared at them all in disbelief wondering what was going on. "Where's Inuyasha?"
They all looked shocked to hear me say his name.
"What do you mean where is Inuyasha?" Sota asked. "Why do you care where he is?"
This was starting to become frustrating. Why were they messing with me like this? "Because Inuyasha is my husband!"
"Don't be silly, Kagome," mom said. "Inuyasha went back down the well to the Feudal Era after your adventures four years ago. I thought you had moved on, why are you mentioning him now?"
"I…" I had no idea what to say. None of this made any sense. Inuyasha and I have been married for almost a year, how could they act like they didn't know?
This wasn't right. They were just joking with me. I had to get back home to Inuyasha right now.
I ran from the kitchen and out the front door ignoring my family calling after me. I then threw open the door to the shrine and found the well there in the same place that it always was. But when I jumped in, I was met with nothing but the cold, hard ground. It was just like the three years we were apart.
My heart started to pound with fear and tears formed in my eyes. This wasn't right. What had happened to my life? How could it be that everything over this past year - returning to the Feudal Era, marrying Inuyasha, going on our amazing honeymoon, all of our adventures, and getting pregnant - wasn't real?
"Kagome, what are you doing?" my mom said from the doorway.
"Mom, something is wrong," I said as tears ran down my face. "I can't get back to Inuyasha."
She put her hands on my shoulders looking concerned. "Kagome, I haven't heard you talk like this in years. Why are you so desperate to be with Inuyasha now? I thought you had moved on."
"Inuyasha and I are married, mom, you know that," I said, pleading for her to understand. "I went back to his era a year ago. I'm pregnant with his baby. I need to get back to him."
"Kagome, you must just be tired from all of your school work and your final exams. Come have breakfast."
I reluctantly followed her inside. I could hardly eat my breakfast though. Afterward, I sat in my room wondering what was going on. I expected Inuyasha to jump through my window any moment and tell me this was all a joke but he never did.
Instead, Sota came into my room. "What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be going to work?"
"Work?"
"Yeah, at the Macy's? Don't you usually work at this time?"
"I'm not going today."
"Why not?"
"Sota, please just leave me alone for a while."
Sota left the room and I found a calendar on my desk. It listed all of my work hours and classes at the university that ended a week ago. At least I was organized in this alternate version of me. I found a number and called and let the store know I wouldn't be coming in that day.
Instead, I paced around my room trying to decide what I should do. Did this mean that everything that had happened this year had been a dream? Had I really lost my mind with missing Inuyasha that much? If Inuyasha and I had never gotten married, did this mean that baby didn't exist either? I put my hand on my stomach and immediately started to cry at the thought that this baby that we had wanted so much was just a figment of my imagination.
Hours later, my friends Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi arrived at the house.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"We want to go shopping," Eri said. "Are you coming?"
"I don't really feel like it…" I didn't feel like doing much of anything except crying.
"Oh come on, Kagome. It'll be fun!"
"You look upset. Are you sick?" Yuka asked.
"Oh no, did you and Hojo break up?" Ayumi asked.
Wait, what? "What do you mean did Hojo and I break up?"
"Good, you're still together!"
"Hojo is my boyfriend?!" I said in horror.
"Um, yeah? You've been dating for six months," Eri said. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
Suddenly, I started to feel light-headed. All of this was becoming too much. "I need to sit down."
We went inside and sat in the living room and my mom brought us all some tea.
"What's going on, Kagome?" Yuka asked.
"I've just been thinking about Inuyasha…"
"Inuyasha? You mean your delinquent ex-boyfriend?" Eri said incredulously.
"You two broke up ages ago," Yuka said. "Are you seeing him again?"
"Kagome, you can't do that to Hojo!" Ayumi said. "You can't get back with that guy. He wasn't good for you."
"Remember how jealous and possessive he was?" Eri said.
"Not to mention how reckless," Yuka added. "Don't you remember what he did at the cultural festival?"
Yeah, he was jealous and possessive and very reckless, but he was still the man I loved. However, I knew my friends would never understand if I tried to explain.
"Maybe you're right," I said, trying to sound convincing.
"Put that guy out of your head," Ayumi said. "Hojo is a great boyfriend. This is no time to be questioning what you have."
"I know the perfect way to get your mind off of this," Eri said. "Let's go shopping!"
I ended up going to the mall with them but my heart just wasn't in it. The entire time we were out, I was thinking about Inuyasha. I wondered if things were different for him too and if he was also trying to figure out what was going on. There was also the possibility that he didn't care that I was gone and that he had moved on. That hurt most to think about.
And this was how it was for the next few days. I hung out with my family and friends and went to work just like I was supposed to. But I dragged myself through every day feeling like this life was so wrong.
I thought of the people in the village who needed their priestess to open the shrine and give them care. I thought of my friends and Miroku and Sango's children and how confused they must be that I was gone. My garden needed to be tended to and I needed to be picking herbs. I needed to feed Nico and give him a bath. Most importantly, my husband needed me. As the days went on, I was consumed by thoughts of what he was doing without me.
Hojo had been texting me every day I had tried to ignore him. When I finally texted him back, he asked if we were still on for our date that night. My friends encouraged me to go. They said I should stop thinking about Inuyasha and just remember what a great guy Hojo is. I felt like I had no choice and I agreed to go with him.
"Hi, Kagome," Hojo said when he got to my house that evening. "You look beautiful as always."
"Thank you," I replied. He leaned in to kiss me but I ducked away from him. "How about we go?"
We went to dinner. I tried my best to laugh and make conversation with him but it was obvious that my heart wasn't in it. My mind was on another man the entire time. I thought of all the dates Inuyasha and I had been on, how fun it was to talk to him, and how he genuinely made me laugh. His eyes always captured me, his smile warmed my heart, and my hand always fit perfectly with his. It wasn't the same with Hojo.
After dinner, we went to a movie. When it was over and we were leaving the theater, I tried to avoid holding his hand. I knew that Hojo was starting to pick up on the fact that something was wrong. I felt terrible for hurting him, but I couldn't help that I had no feelings for him.
"Is everything okay, Kagome?" he finally asked.
"Of course," I said, trying to put on a fake smile. "Everything is perfectly fine."
"It doesn't seem like it. You've been kind of distant all night. You've also been ignoring my texts for the last few days. You know if something is wrong you can tell me."
What could I say? It wasn't like I could tell Hojo that I've been married to another man for almost a year and I was pregnant with his child and by some weird turn of events my life has been flipped upside down.
Then he leaned in and tried to kiss me. Once again I moved away from him and he looked hurt and confused.
"I love you, Kagome," he said.
My eyes filled with tears. How I longed to hear those words from Inuyasha! I turned away from Hojo so that he wouldn't see me cry. "Hojo...I'm sorry. I can't do this." I ran away from him, ignoring him calling after me, and I didn't stop until I had come to a bench on the other side of the theater.
I cried my heart out as I sat there alone. I didn't want any of this. This was not the life I was supposed to live. I had found my true home in the Feudal Era with the love of my life. I didn't fit into this world anymore. All I wanted was to be home with my husband preparing for our baby to arrive. I would have given anything to go back…
The next time I opened my eyes, everything was different. It was quiet. Too quiet actually. It made me worried that this was going to be another day of living a sham of a life in a world where I didn't belong.
I sat up with a start at the thought but when I looked around everything was familiar. To my surprise, I was back in my room in my and Inuyasha's house.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?"
When I looked down, I found him laying under the blanket next to me yawning. I was so overwhelmingly happy to see him that tears formed in my eyes.
"Inuyasha!" I exclaimed as I hugged him tightly.
"Are you okay?" he said, sounding confused. "Why are you crying?"
"I had the most terrible dream!" I said as I cried into his shoulder. "I was back in my era and it was like I had never returned to you. No one knew what I was talking about when I said we were married. It was like I had never left after we got rid of the jewel."
Inuyasha just hugged me and kissed the top of my head. "It's okay, honey. Everything is back to normal now."
He wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed me. I held him close to me and kissed him as lovingly as I could.
"Feel better now?" he asked.
"Yes," I said happily. Then I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and I knew I was going to puke any second. "Actually no. I've got to go throw up!" I jumped out of the bed and ran off. It was unpleasant but I was so glad to still be pregnant after that dream. I've never been so happy to throw up my guts in my entire life.
Okay so as the day wore on, maybe I wasn't exactly pleased to be plagued with first trimester symptoms but it was a welcome sacrifice. I was just glad to be home with Inuyasha where I belong.
The exhaustion really caught up with me today. I had only been awake for a couple of hours when I got so tired that I fell asleep on the couch until late in the afternoon.
When I woke up, Inuyasha was sitting on the floor next to the couch watching me.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he said.
"Hi," I said, yawning. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Well I got home three hours ago and you were asleep when I got here."
"Geez," I said with a sigh. "I hate being so tired all the time."
He sat on the couch next to me and hugged me. "It won't last forever. Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat."
"Now that I think about it, I'm actually starving."
He laughed a bit. "I figured. You just sit here and rest."
After I ate, I actually felt a lot better. I felt quite energized and I was ready to start my day even though the day was almost over. So I suggested that we go for a walk.
"Today is a special day," Inuyasha said as we walked hand-in-hand outside of the village.
"You're right," I replied. At that moment, it occurred to me that it's been exactly one year since I returned to this era. "It's hard to believe it's been a year already. So much has changed since then."
As I said it, I put my hand on my stomach. If someone had told me last year before I returned to this era that a year later I would be married to my soul mate and that I would be seven months away from having a baby with him, I'd have said they were insane. And yet, here I am, and I couldn't be happier with the direction my life has gone in.
"Before you came back, I was starting to think I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life," Inuyasha said. "Sometimes I still feel like you're going to slip away from me and I'll wake up to find out all of this has been a dream. Is that weird?"
"Not at all, love. I feel the same way, especially with the dream I had this morning." I shuddered at the thought. I couldn't imagine what I would do if it had turned out that it wasn't a dream after all and I was truly supposed to live the rest of my life there.
He kissed the top of my head. "Ever since you came back, I've felt so much peace every day. I hadn't felt that way since...well, since before you left."
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here to make you happy," I said as I squeezed his hand.
Our walk had led us over to the sacred tree.
"The place where it all began," I said nostalgically.
"Who would have thought that being stuck to a tree for 50 years would end up being a good thing?"
I giggled a bit at that. "Fate works in strange ways, honey." I put my hand up to the tree where Inuyasha had been stuck by Kikyo's arrow. The hole from where the arrow went in was still there. "I'm just glad it worked out the way it did."
He put his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. "Sorry I tried to kill you here."
I laughed again. "I forgive you. Although I often question why I married a man who tried to kill me over a jewel," I joked.
"I was a little misguided back then." He kissed my cheek. "You showed me how wrong I was and taught me how to love and trust. I'll always be grateful to you for that."
I turned to face him and put my arms around his neck. "I'll always be grateful to you for caring about me so much and protecting me and letting me into your heart."
"I wouldn't want it any other way, baby. The moment you came into my life was when I truly started living. You're all that I need."
The kiss he gave me started out gentle. But when he kissed me again, he backed me up a bit so that I was up against the tree and it made my heart beat fast. That kiss was so much deeper. With the intensity of the way he kissed me, the way his mouth moved with mine, his body pressed against me, his moans that sent a vibration through me, I could feel all of his love for me poured into that kiss and I tried to give it all back to him.
Just as the heat was rising between us, we gently pulled away from our kiss. Smiles formed on our faces as we looked into each other's eyes.
"Four years ago, I never would have imagined being in this spot doing this," Inuyasha said with a laugh.
It made me laugh as well. "It's crazy what a difference all of that time can make."
