[a/n]Decree #s from hpfandomcom which admits to being noncanon.

Harry Does Different CCCXDIII

Exact Wordings

"Educational Decree #9" Pansy Parkinson looked at the nicely framed declaration posted to the wall outside the Great Hall "Any student found in possession of sweets from unauthorized suppliers will be expelled." She gave the Weasley twins a happy expression commenting "Guess that puts you out of business."

They sneered back "Careful of bedbugs."

"You wouldn't dare!" she growled back.

Hermione was set to jump into the fray, but Harry reacted first "Ah…Ah! Guys! No point going after a pygmy puff while we got a …well, maybe not a dragon… but at least a sphinx. Even if not as attractive."

"Don't much like Umbridge" said Fred

George completed "do you Harry?"

"Living in Durzkaban taught me a few things" he gave a smirk that the Gryffindors recognized "among them was it's better to ask forgiveness…Not that I ever got it… than permission. But the one here is follow the letter of the law to violate the spirit."

Hermione didn't like the DADA Professor, so didn't voice an objection. And that she didn't, only encouraged the others. Ron spoke for the group "Wha'cha got in mind?"

"Well for example, the way this is worded. It's quite vague, don't say WHO needs to authorize. Does it?" he bounced on his toes rather pleased with himself.

Hermione pointed out "I'm certain it means by Professor Umbridge. Harry, your argument is so specious we could drive the Express through it."

"Again with the big words, Mione" Harry rolled his eyes. He snatched a chocolate frog from Ron, and ignored his friend's protest, popping it in his mouth. While chewing he asked "Delish, who makes them?"

No one knew until Luna answered "The chocolate is made by Ogden's while the cards are printed by Daddy."

"Good to know" he smiled at his younger friend "I'll start eating more. See? That's two companies. They're both in business and obviously authorized. By them and, I assume, the Ministry. What more permission do we need?"

They all looked at Hermione, could see the wheels turning in her brain. She finally said "Your reasoning is logical. The question is exactly how do we act?"

"As I said, we follow the rule…to the letter. I'll happily be the guinea pig." Harry was already rehearsing his responses.

Abcij

Little time at all had to pass before this one paid off. Filing in for dinner, everyone hungrily took their seats. Professor Umbridge was on patrol, determined to catch any offender committing any infraction. A couple of Hufflepuffs were kissing , using her wand to separate them, ruling "Hopkins, Bones 10 points off, each. Hmm…idea for future decrees."

"3…2…1….." Harry counted down mostly to himself as the DADA teacher made her way between the Houses. A few of the nearest who were uninvolved became curious. He unwrapped one and skillfully tossed it high allowing it to land in his mouth "Love these frogs."

The witch in pink almost stumbled in her effort to stop. Glaring down at the apparently unaware child, she said in a sugary tone "You are aware, Mr. Potter, of Educational Decree #9?"

"Of course, Professor." He said idly "Y'know Hermione, these are wizard chocolate, no danger to your dental health." He'd pulled another out of Ron's schoolbag "Hmmm, Gwenog Jones card."

*HemHem* came a cough "Mr. Potter Educational Decree #9 clearly states quote Any student found in possession of sweets from unauthorized suppliers will be expelled. Unquote. I have not authorized these."

"They're already authorized, Professor." Said Harry. He wasn't quite mocking her sugary tones. "Ogden's Firewhiskey and Quibbler Publishing make and sell them. As they are long established companies, doesn't that mean the Ministry knows…and even approves?"

Her confident mask faltered slightly "Knowing is one thing, Mr. Potter, approving is another. I'll not sanction you at this time, but I strongly advise you to take care. That magazine is not among Minister Fudge's favorites." She walked away with an unhappy expression.

"One for our side." Harry gave a thumb's up sign to his Ravenclaw friend.

Abcij

Educational Decree #26 was the next target of his annoyance. He noted "Boys & girls are not permitted to be within 6 inches of each other." he'd had a earlier chat with Justin Finch-Fletchley, whom it was an open secret he was gay. On a Monday morning, where hardly anyone missed breakfast, Harry approached the Hufflepuff table, hand dangling limply from his wrist. He leaned over the large boy and kissed the back of his neck "Hiya handsome!"

"Bloody hell Harry!" exclaimed Susan Bones "No PDAs before breakfast!"

Justin lifted him onto the table in front of him and wrapped the Gryffindor's legs around "Kiss me you fool!" and did so.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Finch-Fletchley! That is a complete violation of Educational Decree #26!" the short DADA professor fired a spell that separated the two boys. "20 points from Gryffindor AND Hufflepuff!"

Harry looked at her askance "But ma'am, your decree specifically says Boys & girls. Not Boys & boys, or girls & girls for that matter." He hopped off the table before adding "It was actually your spell just now that put me within 6 inches of Susan."

"I shall be issuing a new Educational Decree before the end of the class day!" exclaimed Umbridge, highly irked. This, of course, led to Educational Decree #31 "Boys and/or girls are not permitted to be within 8 inches of each other."

Abcij

It took just two days and the help of a Seventh Year with top marks in Arithmancy to present the problem to the Headmaster, again in front of the entire school. "Beg pardon Professor Dumbledore, but I found a problem …well two… actually with Educational Decree #31."

"Mr. Potter! Return to your seat immediately. Students are not allowed away from their tables during mealtime!" Professor Umbridge commanded.

The Headmaster raised his eyebrows and stroked his beard "In fact, Delores, I will allow Harry to present his concerns. After all, the students must have clarity in order to be in compliance. Please speak your concerns, my boy."

"Thank you sir." Harry acknowledged "Part one is the concern with Educational Decree #26. It lets us get two inches closer than Educational Decree #31. How can we obey both? We wouldn't want to disobey a decree, would we?"

Even Professor Snape got that, not that he liked the woman who was yet another in a long list of usurpers of HIS job "Much as I am loathe to admit it, Potter has a point."

"Did you say you had two worries, Harry?" asked Dumbledore, taking no official notice of the twitching of the DADA professor's eyebrow.

He nodded enthusiastically "Thank you sir! I almost forgot! I had Tulip Egwu run the numbers for me and it turns out in order to comply with Educational Decree #26's six inches then four people on each side of each House's table would lose their seats. Educational Decree #31's eight inches makes it five. And that's assuming everyone was the same …err… width. No offense intended to my ahh…wider…classmates.

Even those wider classmates were more interested in the discussion than getting offended.

"The primary focus of both decrees is the reduction of inappropriate physical contact, Mr. Potter." Umbridge explained in a tense voice "It should not be necessary to explain the need in light of your previous behavior in this room."

Harry silently blessed his Godfather before replying "Justin didn't seem to mind. Though, I wanted the witches to know that, having tried it, I think I'll stick to girls. Again, no offense Justin."

"To each their own." The Hufflepuff boy added his thought, still quite pleased with his part in the fun.

Umbridge snapped "20 points from Hufflepuff Mr. Finch-Fletchley! You, Mr. Potter, I am more than tempted to suspend."

"I have, Professor, followed every rule from every decree. Precisely. To the letter." His tone was even respectful "Do you have any examples of me breaking one?"

Regrettably, Delores could not.

Abcij

"Mr. Weasley! You are in violation of Educational Decree #37!" echoed through the corridors about a week later. "You will remove your hands from Miss Johnson's robes!"

Hermione cautioned her friend "Harry! Don't start any trouble!"

"I got this. Seriously." He gently freed his arm from her grip "With all due respect, Professor, George has not in any way violated #37."

The twin looked stunned "How can you know I'm me?"

"Trade secret." Quipped Harry with a gesture "Anywho, Professor Umbridge your decree reads quote "Boys must be seen to keep their hands on the outside of their school capes."

This was beginning to get out of hand, she spun on the troublemaker "Mr. Potter! Just for your information, it is plainly obvious your friend's hands are where they should NOT be!"

"Well outside a few impressionable firsties that's pretty much Angelina's business I would think." His tone was a little lecherous "After all, George's hands couldn't very well be inside both his AND her robes. That is, unless it's a spell I'm unaware of."

The witnesses held their breath until the teacher had stormed completely out of range, then cheered.

Abcij

GEORGE SEPTIMUS WEASLEY

HOW DARE YOU MOLEST THAT YOUG GIRL? APOLOGIZE FORTHWITH!

Everyone in the Hall was so focused on either the howler or the victim of the howler to notice Harry or his rapid wand work.

"Mr. Weasley," Professor Umbridge was entirely too delighted about the disturbance "such a dramatic violation of Educational Decree #81 can only be punished by expulsion. Please hand in your - - -"

Harry flicked his wand away and stood "Excuse me, Professor, but I read that one a little while ago and it said "Red Howlers are forbidden Correct?"

"And the exact wording is relevant how, Mr. Potter?" asked Umbridge. Her voice was sweet but betraying signs of cracking.

He pointed out "Well, this one is BLUE not red. So it doesn't violate your decree. And besides, George is the victim of the letter. If you want to expel someone, you'll have to expel Mrs. Weasley, I guess."

"Molly graduated a good number of years ago, Harry." Dumbledore pointed out. Then he looked down the Head table "However, Delores, he does have a point."

Abcij

Then there was her targeting of the Hufflepuffs. Professor Umbridge made three major efforts. Immediately after posting Educational Decree #41, she noted "Mr. Finch-Fletchley, Miss Bones, detention. The events of last year are not to be discussed. I am particularly disappointed in you Miss Bones as your aunt is a high official, reporting directly to the Minister himself."

"Y'know, I didn't quite hear what they said." Harry interjected himself "But it was obviously about Cedric. And I think they're entitled to remember a murdered Housemate. I see that sick green light almost every time I close my eyes. Only good thing about it is it was over quick. He didn't suffer much, or long."

This time she didn't blink "Then you will join your classmates in detention Mr. Potter."

"Wouldn't mind." He was looking at Susan when he said it, who colored a bit.

Abcij

Justin was targeted again, later "Mr. Finch-Fletchley, that book is written by no Pureblood, detention."

"Actually, Professor, you really can't do anything about it. Educational Decree #46 doesn't say anything about anyone taking a book from a student." Harry pointed out.

After Delores marched off in high dudgeon, Justin gave an annoyed look "I was going to fight her on the basis of religious liberty! This is my Bible! And you know she's only going to write another!"

"You think she cares about what she'd call Muggle nonsense?" asked Harry. He stalked off throwing back over his shoulder "Think you'd be more appreciative."

At suppertime the High Inquisitor delivered what she thought was a crushing victory "Educational Decree #137 "Any unauthorised textbooks will be confiscated immediately from the offending student. Now, Mr. Finch-Fletchley, hand it over!"

"But ma'am, this is clearly about wizards." What little activity continued, stopped at yet another confrontation "I mean, let's see, there's a guy who lived inside a whale's stomach and didn't get digested. Turning a staff into a snake? Not bad, I think we covered that in Second Year with the goblet spell. Maybe Moses was a parselmouth too, ya think? For me, whatever Jesus did to raise the dead, coulda used it last June."

She shrieked "DUMBLEDORE CAN YOU NOT CONTROL YOUR STUDENT?" and stormed out.

That particular silver cloud had a dark lining when Snape substituted again in Defense class.