Bechloe-bible-49: I think I am the only person who headcanons that Aubrey and Howie dated at some point in time.
96itadakimasu96: That it is, that it is.
SunDanceQT: I'm trying to find the perfect balance between stupid frat boy and what Aubrey would consider a "I guess you'll do" type of person.
Agentcanaryscotx: ...now that I know I can cause sadness hangovers, what a goal.
Pixie1913: You know, I didn't think people would keep reading with Chloe being unconscious for this long. I'm proud of myself for keeping you all here yelling for her to wake up.
Dysrhythmia
When the morning comes,
When we see what we've become:
In the cold light of day we're a flame in the wind,
Not the fire that we've begun.
Every argument, every word we can't take back,
'Cause with the all that has happened,
I think that we both know the way that this story ends.
Then only for a minute,
I want to change my mind,
'Cause this just don't feel right to me.
I wanna raise your spirits;
I want to see you smile but,
Know that means I'll have to leave.
- Marshmello & Bastille
Home. The word doesn't only describe a place, but also a feeling – a feeling that Aubrey has felt three times in her life. The first time she felt it was the very moment she arrived at Barden and stood there on campus, looking at what would be the next four years of her life. The second time was never much of a place or a time at all, it was Chloe; it is Chloe. It doesn't matter where she is if Chloe is there with her; Chloe herself is home. And then there's her apartment in Flushing, Queens – the one home she has left that hasn't been tainted or ripped from her hands. Everything is exactly how she left it – not a thing out of place. And the second she steps through the door, for the first time in weeks, Aubrey feels truly safe.
xxxxx
"Do you want to get breakfast?" Howie asked.
Aubrey paused putting her pants on to give him a bewildered look. "I'm sorry?"
"Breakfast," Howie repeated, "You know, the meal people eat when they first wake up in the morning?"
"I heard what you said," Aubrey replied, "No."
"Why not? Alice is gone, so I imagine you're allowed to eat these days, right?" He sat up in bed. "I'm not asking for your hand in marriage; I'm just saying we could eat a meal together and do something in the daylight for once."
Aubrey finished dressing then turned to stare at him.
"You're worried Chloe's going to see us together," Howie stated.
"No," Aubrey denied it. "I have a class," she lied and pulled on her shoes.
"It's Sunday."
"It's…a pilates class."
"You can't skip it just this once?"
"No, and after that I have Bellas practice – which you should care about if you want them to look half decent at The Fall Mixer. Shouldn't you be getting ready for that?"
"I don't care if they're good or if they suck," Howie said, "And I still have time for breakfast first. We can grab some kale and avocado bread or whatever fancy foods you ladies eat and walk around the quad."
Aubrey sighed and looked at the time. "Fine, but first, you have to go jogging with me." That was almost always a deal breaker for Chloe.
"Time to break out my running shoes."
He had to be joking...
xxxxx
"You would be the type of person who unplugs all of their appliances before leaving," Beca says as she tries to turn on the TV. It's the first she's spoken since leaving the hospital, which made for an awkward car ride of being squished between her and Julia, both of whom had windows to look out of while Aubrey was forced to just stare straight ahead and be filled with secondhand embarrassment as Conrad sang and danced with his window down. (No respectable band calls themselves Scissor Sisters, and whatever a 'kiki' is, Aubrey is pretty sure she does not want to have one.)
She's too busy running her hand across the top of the table next to the door where her car keys and Chloe's umbrella are located to really care as Beca decides to plug in the television and a light. Somehow, she forgot she owns a car. It doesn't matter. She can't drive it with this cast on.
"Why don't you go hang out in your room for a little while? Get some things together to take with you?" Julia suggests.
Aubrey nods. She's trying not to think about how the plan is to go back to Brian's and Conrad's house. Now that she's here, she never wants to leave.
"Take your time," Julia calls after her as she walks down the hall, "We'll be okay out here."
xxxxx
"Why do you do this to yourself?" Howie panted, jogging along a few feet behind her, "You don't want to start each day appreciating that you woke up able to breathe?"
"If you ran more, it wouldn't be so difficult for you," Aubrey replied. She could breathe just fine. As a matter of fact, she could breathe better outside in the fresh air than she could anywhere else. "Keep up. You're falling behind."
"I get why some games only allow you to sprint for so long before they force you to walk."
"Do you do anything besides play video games?"
"What else would there be to do?"
Aubrey couldn't believe she had agreed to have breakfast with this guy.
"I'm joking. I give drum lessons."
"For serious?" Aubrey asked, "I was unaware of that."
"Yeah, I keep my set in the basement. I also play a mean game of backgammon."
Aubrey slowed down a little to let him catch up.
"Oh, and I hold Barden's record for fastest cup stacker."
"Why is that a thing?"
"Cup stacking?"
Aubrey nodded. "What does that accomplish?"
"Well, you stack the cups…"
"I'll forgive you for that one. Let's just focus on the backgammon."
"You didn't know they started a backgammon club on campus this year?" Howie asked, "We meet every Saturday at three. You should join."
It sounded like fun, but… "I can't."
"Let me guess…" Howie slowed them down to a walk. "Bellas practice?"
"They're terrible. We could practice twenty-four/seven, and it wouldn't make a difference."
"So, then why bother?" Howie asked, "No one would blame you if you quit. Hell, maybe they'd even start letting you alone about pu-"
"Do not say that word to me. Do you quit when your video game levels get hard?"
"Sometimes."
Aubrey groaned. "I cannot live the rest of my life with what happened, okay? And I won't be a loser or a quitter. We're going to win even if it means we have to practice in our sleep."
"Well, we could still play backgammon during one of your three second breaks," Howie offered and held open the café door for her.
Aubrey could feel a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Nobody ever wanted to play backgammon with her. Hell, no one even knew how to play it. "I would like that actually."
xxxxx
Her room is exactly how she left it – bed perfectly made, her belongings all put away neatly in their rightful places. Before they left, she had cleaned, vacuumed, and made sure everything was where it needed to be so she wouldn't have to worry about it later. It feels even better than she could have ever imagined to come home to everything being exactly as it should be when everything else in this world is completely wrong.
It's unclear how much stuff Aubrey is supposed to be packing, especially when her apartment is only a few minutes drive from where they're staying, and it's not like she has a suitcase anymore to put things in. She shoves (and by 'shoves', that means 'folds') about a week's worth of clothes into a gym bag, gathers up all of her other necessities, then stacks it all neatly in the hallway to take with her. There are a few things in Chloe's room that she wants to take with her as well, but…those will have to wait. She's not ready for that yet.
xxxxx
"You tie the straw paper together," Howie said as they leaned against the counter, waiting for iced coffees. This was the same place where Aubrey and Chloe had really first met. "And then when you pull it apart, if the knot comes undone, the person you're thinking about is thinking about you too. If the knot stays, they're not."
Aubrey tied the paper together to humor him. Chloe had cornered her right here in this very spot and asked her if she wanted to be friends. Aubrey didn't know it then, but Chloe was about to be one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She pulled both ends of the paper, effectively undoing the knot with a single tug.
Howie went next, grunting in confusion when his knot remained tied. "You're standing right here."
It was true. Aubrey was standing right there – yet she wasn't thinking about him at all. (Not that this was a logical way to know if somebody was thinking about you or not.) She was somewhere else, in another world where she was someone else: someone right for Chloe. But that was a fantasy world; this was real life. In real life, she was no longer standing this café with Chloe Beale beside her. She was here with Howie… "What's your last name?"
"Sorry?"
"Your last name," Aubrey repeated, "I don't know your last name."
"Scott?"
Aubrey was here with Howard Scott. (Howie Scott just didn't have the same ring to it, and she assumed his full name was Howard. Who would just name their kid Howie?) She was going to have to move forward eventually. She was the one who wanted this after all. Howie was a decent guy. Maybe, if she let herself, she could like him beyond just the sex. "I-"
"Aubrey!"
Aubrey jumped about five feet in the air as arms wrapped around her from behind.
"Ew, you're all sweaty." Chloe moved to stand beside her. "Hey, Howie."
Howie turned to face the counter. "Hey, Chloe."
"Where were you last night?" Chloe asked, "You didn't come home again."
Aubrey opened her mouth to make up some excuse then looked at Howie and paused. "Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked Chloe.
"Sure."
Aubrey grabbed her by the arm and pulled her around the corner.
"Wait. Are you sleeping with Howie?" Chloe asked, not bothering to lower the volume of her voice.
"You don't have to announce it all of Barden."
"I knew it. Oh my stars, are you on a date right now?"
"No." Aubrey hesitated. "I don't know."
"You're totally on a date right now. I'm sorry; I didn't know I was interrupting."
"When are you ever not interrupting me?" Aubrey asked.
Chloe nodded her agreement. "That's a good point. But I'll get my coffee and go now. Go get him, Tiger." She growled suggestively.
"Why are you the way that you are?" Aubrey asked.
Chloe laughed. "I have no idea. But, hey, Aubrey?"
Aubrey raised her eyebrows.
Chloe leaned forward and pressed a drawn out kiss to her cheek then leaned back, their faces still only centimeters apart, and squeezed both of her arms. "Good for you." It was the stamp of approval that Aubrey both needed and dreaded at the same time. "I'll see you later and you can tell me all the steamy details."
"Gross. Go order your coffee."
"I bet that won't be nearly as steaming hot." Chloe winked then walked away.
xxxxx
Aubrey fixes things on her desk that don't need fixed. She dusts the top of her dresser. Then, finally, when she's done getting out some of her anxious energy, she picks up her laptop and retreats to her bed. Her laptop is definitely going with her to Brian's. It'll just be a lot harder to use privately than her phone. She'll have to be more careful with what she's looking at on it. For now, she checks her email and deletes all the junk that has accumulated over the past few weeks. Beyond some promotional mail and spam, there isn't much else – nothing worth reading anyway. Then she gets to work deleting her social media. After Pukegate caused her to delete it all the first time, she never really attached herself to the Internet the second time around. Every photo, everything of importance, is saved to a folder in her laptop. It isn't a very difficult goodbye seeing as all her friends are dead anyway, she thinks bitterly.
There's one notification for a private message that catches her attention however and causes her to pause in what she's doing – because very few people message Aubrey anywhere other than to her phone. But it makes sense seeing as her phone was smashed. There aren't many people left to want to get a hold of her, but if someone did, they wouldn't be able to reach her any other way. Then it hits her out of nowhere: what if it's him? Her fingers shake as she clicks on the notification, and she waits with bated breath for the screen to load.
Howie: saw u on the news. are u okay?
Aubrey exhales and rolls her eyes. She considers exiting out of it, but that would be kind of a bitchy move seeing as he's trying to check up on her, right?
Aubrey: I'm alive.
That's more than anyone else can say. He begins replying back right away, three little dots bouncing at the bottom of screen to show he's typing.
Howie: figured as much when they didnt mention a zombie apocalypse. where are u?
Aubrey: I'm back in Queens.
Howie: still in brooklyn if u need anything. call me.
She hesitates. 'Anything' doesn't have to mean sex. It has been awhile since they've caught up...and he's familiar when so many other things are not.
Aubrey: I have a new phone. Send me your number here.
Aubrey saves it to her phone, sends him a text that just says 'This is Aubrey', then finishes erasing her existence online. Her next step is to protect Chloe the same way. But, for the next few minutes, she just wants to soak in the feeling of her own pillows and blankets, and rest.
xxxxx
Aubrey turned back around the corner, actually feeling a little bit better about the prospect of potentially allowing herself to like Howie after that – even if there was still that miserable sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach reminding her that she might never feel the same way about anyone as she did about Chloe. She grabbed their drinks from where they were waiting for them on the counter, then looked around in confusion. Howie must have realized he really did need to start preparing for the Fall Mixer later, because he was gone.
