Fmh: Thanks for following and reviewing! I hope things get better for Charlotte too. She can only take so much. And yeah, she is finally learning who to confide in and who shouldn't know anything

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I know it's been an incredibly long time, and I am incredibly sorry. It shouldn't take this long ever again


CHAPTER 3

I sit on the floor in the out-of-order girls' bathroom, just waiting counting down the time until Severus removes the Jinxes so that I can Apparate to his quarters. He doesn't know that I told McGonagall the truth about the horcrux or my possible death. I doubt he'll be that angry about it, all things considered. It's been a long while since he's gotten angry with me for talking to McGonagall about what will happen to me. He seems to respect my desire to speak with someone who is not connected to Voldemort in any way. I appreciate him for that.

Each time I've spoken to McGonagall about what will happen, she seems to remain positive, almost as if she genuinely believes Harry Potter will kill Voldemort, but I fear she only keeps her upbeat attitude for my benefit rather than because she actually believes it.

I glance down at my pocket watch. Less than a minute stands between me and my friend. A smile tugs at my lips at the thought. It feels like it's been forever since I've visited him, even though I know it's only been a couple of weeks. Though I should probably be concerned with how much I actually miss him, I'm not. For some reason I kind of enjoy how attached I've gotten to him. Probably because I know that of all the people whom I've gotten attached to, he's the least likely to let me down.

At last the time arrives, and I hold off a few more seconds just in case something has held him up and stopped him from lifting the jinxes. Then I Apparate to his chambers, but he isn't here yet, so I take a seat on the sofa and wait patiently. It only takes about fifteen minutes before Severus enters his quarters. He gives me a pleasant smile. "It's been a while since you've visited my office," he comments.

I shrug. "It wasn't what I wanted, really, but I was caught last time. Some Ravenclaw boys saw me leaving your office and…questioned me about the Luna thing. They were…less than pleased that I was in your office—the office of a known Death Eater—right after some Death Eaters abducted Luna."

His expression darkens. "Did they hurt you?"

"Merlin, no. They just threatened me."

"You should have told me. We could have arranged something to keep you safe."

"Did you miss me that much, Severus?" He watches me silently, refusing to answer. "I know I could have worked something out with you, but that would have either required me sneaking back here without anyone seeing me, and I fear I wouldn't have been able to accomplish that."

"You could have sent an owl."

I frown. He has a point, of course, and I don't know why I didn't think about it. Perhaps I've been too stressed to really think about things.

Severus walks over and sits down beside me, and I instinctively rest my head on his shoulder. "Would you like to be able to visit more often?"

A laugh escapes me. "I think you already know the answer to that. I truly enjoy your company, and it's also nice to get a realistic view about what's going to happen. Of course I want to come around more often. Professor McGonagall is much too…optimistic for my tastes right now. I know she's doing it for my benefit but…I don't know, sometimes…"

"You like hearing all possible outcomes rather than just the positive ones?"

"Exactly."

"Then we can certainly set up a way for you to come around more often."

"How?" I ask, moving away from him to look in his face.

He's quiet for a minute, then he says, "Send a message from one of the Hogwarts owls with a time you'd like to meet, and I'll lift the jinxes like normal. You can use the Disillusionment Charm to sneak to the bathrooms, and you can Apparate back there whenever you want. No one will see you enter or leave my office, so you won't be caught again."

I nod. "I like it. If it falls apart, we can always find a new way, right?"

"Of course."

Before he says anything else, I quickly ask, "Why have you been showing up for meals more recently? There've been rumors about your reappearance and what it might mean. Some students—the D.A. in particular—seem nervous. They're moving forward with their plans to go underground."

"They've already got some of their things set up in the Room of Requirement."

I furrow my brow at him.

He glances at me, a smirk in his eyes but not on his lips. "I'm the headmaster of Hogwarts, Charlotte. I know things that go on around here that you'd be surprised about."

A smile pulls at the corner of my mouth. "Oh really? Care to share some of them?"

"Perhaps, but not right now. None of them are overly important."

"That's less interesting then. Anyway, why are you showing up to meals now?"

"Well, I figured, considering how I have been rather distant from the students, it would be a good idea to show myself at least twice a week now. It reminds the students that the headmaster is still here, still in charge, still in control of things. It might fall back down to once a week depending on how busy I find myself in the coming weeks."

"That seems like a good idea. The students were becoming unruly without the fear of Death Eaters looming over them all the time. The Carrows are only so intimidating. Once you get used to them, they become almost more of a joke. But you, Severus, you're the wizard most people will be keeping their eyes on—because of what Dumbledore made you do to him. You're the man who overcame the only wizard the Dark Lord ever feared. What does that make you?"

"Besides a murderer?" he asks quietly.

I nudge his shoulder. "Stop that. It wasn't by choice. You're seen as a force to be reckoned with, Severus. You're a scary person now. Naturally. The students aren't going to do much to set you off."

"Besides sending in one of their friends to seduce me so they can steal from my office?"

"In our defense, you caught us." He laughs softly with me. "But I don't want to talk about that much right now, if that's okay. Tomorrow morning I head to Malfoy Manor, and I think it'd be a good idea to show up rested and prepared, don't you?"

"That's probably a good idea."


I awaken in Severus's bed to find my head on his bare chest, my arm thrown over his stomach, his fingers idly tracing mindless designs on my upper arm. He makes me feel safe and warm, and I tighten my arm around him, then press a kiss to his chest. "How long do I have?" I whisper.

His chest rises with a deep breath before he says, "Not long, I'm afraid. A little more than an hour. You should probably get up and start readying yourself to go to the manor. It'd be less than ideal if anyone noticed that you're slightly disheveled."

"I can only imagine Bellatrix's face if she even suspected that I was fucking Severus Snape," I laugh quietly.

He vibrates with quiet laughter but quickly stifles it. "Both of us would be slaughtered, most likely. In some horrible way."

"And then fed to Nagini. She'd eat well that night."

"So I'll say again that it'd be best for you to get ready, Charlotte."

I sigh dramatically at him, and he pats my arm comfortingly. I kiss his chest again, then roll away from him and slide off the bed. Just before disappearing into the bathroom, I glimpse back at him and find him with his eyes closed once more. A sharp envy pricks my heart. He gets to sleep while I have to go to Malfoy Manor. If I had it my way, I'd be sleeping next to him still. Voldemort is the worst. Somehow he manages to ruin even the simplest of happiness in my life.

By the time my summons arrives, I'm ready and prepared, or at least as prepared as I can be, to go to the manor. Severus sits on the sofa beside me while I collect my nerve. He pats my leg softly. "It's time for you to go, Charlotte. I'll be here when you get back."

For a brief moment I cover his hand with mine. "I'll see you then."

Apparating to Malfoy Manor never gets any easier, but seeing Draco when I arrive certainly raises my spirits. He smiles at me the moment I appear and immediately throws his arm around my shoulders and leads me from the room. "This way, Charlotte. I'm watching after you again."

He takes me up to his room and away from everyone else. It's peaceful and quiet and I'm so grateful that I'll most likely be able to avoid Bellatrix at all cost during this hell trip.

"So, Hogwarts going just as well as usual?"

My nights with Severus flash through my mind, my cheeks beginning to burn, and I quickly shove them aside. "Of course. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just…being forced to learn some nonsense while a war rages on outside the castle walls. And Death Eater life? How's that going?"

He just shakes his head. "As miserable as you can probably imagine."

"I can certainly imagine."

Strangely enough, he laughs, a genuine laugh, and it quickly catches me as well and draws me in. The two of us sit on his bed, laughing despite our horrid circumstances and the monsters that are down in the lower levels of the manor, and I realize that perhaps not everything in my life is awful. I can be happy in spite of everything going on in my life right now.

Eventually our laughter dies down, and we collect ourselves long enough to begin playing a game of Exploding Snap. I allow myself to enjoy this time with my cousin even though I know what will happen later today.

"Would you mind delivering a letter to Astoria for me?" he asks as we play. "They've started questioning why I send the owl off so often."

"I don't mind at all."

"How is she?"

I nod. "She's well, actually."

"She staying far away from the Death Eaters?"

"Of course. And Dumbledore's Army. You can rest easy, Draco, she's fine."

"Thank you."

"No problem." Then it occurs to me: he's the only person who will be able to help me when what I have to ask next. "Is Luna being held here, Draco?"

He stops mid-turn and just looks at me. "What?"

"Luna Lovegood. Is she being held here? At the manor?"

He glances toward his bedroom door, and I wave my wand at it to keep our conversation private. Or as private as a conversation in Malfoy Manor can be. Finally he whispers, "Yes. But I'm not supposed to know about it." He grins at me. "But seriously, when has Mum really kept anything from me? If I want to know, she'll tell me. It's who she is."

"Do you want to come with me to see her?"

"Who? Mum? I see her all the time."

"Luna. I obviously mean Luna. I have to give her a message from Neville and Ginny."

His face goes pale—well, paler. Then he says, "I have a better idea. Why don't I cause a distraction so you can go uninterrupted?"

"I knew there was a reason we get along so well."

Less than three minutes later, hidden by the Disillusionment Charm, I am following Draco down to the living room. "Just keep quiet," he whispers.

"That should probably mean you shouldn't speak to me."

He smiles. "Shut up."

We remain silent until we enter the drawing room where Narcissa sits alone, fiddling with something on her lap. "Mum," Draco calls to her when she doesn't immediately look up at him. My eyes drift to the stairwell leading to that awful magic-muffling room. The last time I was in that terrible room was right before Zoe died. A cold hand grips my heart, but I do my best to push down the sudden pain. I thought I'd never have to go back in there. Until now.

"Where's Charlotte?" Narcissa asks.

"Still in my room," he lies. "She's…struggling more than usual. I thought I'd give her a few minutes alone."

"My charming young man," she says. "Come sit down with me." She pats the spot next to her.

"Well, to be quite honest, I'm actually a bit hungry." His voice is quiet, obviously asking a question that he doesn't literally want to ask.

His mother smiles at him. "I'm sure Cosmo will be more than happy to bring something in here for you."

"Well, it's just, you know…" He glances around. "I wanted you to come eat with me. I think…it's been a while since we've spent some time together, just the two of us. And seeing how Charlotte and Aunt Bella act now…I don't want us to grow that far apart."

The look on her face suggests that she's knows he's lying about something, but his words have struck a chord with her apparently because she stands and walks toward him. "I would never let that happen, Draco." A short bitterness fills me, but I push it aside for the moment. Draco takes Narcissa by the hand, and they leave the room together.

Once I'm sure they're gone, I turn my attention to the door leading to what has been my prison on three separate, horrible occasions. My feet feel like nothing less than lead as I try to walk. My magic won't work in there. This I know from experience. If anyone catches me…well, I'd rather not go into what kind of hell that would cause. Yet, somehow, I manage to take those steps, and eventually, probably a shorter time than I believe it to be, I reach out and take the door handle. Deep breaths, I have to remind myself, deep breaths. I can do this. I can do this. And I push the door open.

"Luna," I whisper as the Disillusionment Charm falls away because of the spell-blocking magic of this dungeon. "Luna, are you in here?"

"Charlotte?" I hear. Luna and an older man—one I immediately recognize to be Ollivander—step into the little ray of light that comes from the drawing room behind me.

"The girl who stole from my shop and later asked me about her wand," Ollivander says.

I give him a small nod. Good to know he remembered me at least. Then I look to Luna. "Neville, Ginny, the whole D.A., all the Ravenclaws, they're worried about you," I tell her. "I can't break you out of here—that would be too dangerous—but I thought you should know that you haven't been forgotten. There are loads of people who care about you and are trying their best to save you."

"I never thought differently." With a very Luna-like smile, she hands me a pair of Spectrespecs. "Give those to them. Let Neville and Ginny know that I'm fine—I know the others probably don't know you have to come around to the manor. But let Neville and Ginny know that I'm okay. I can handle whatever I need to."

I nod and take the odd pair of glasses. I've seen them before. They come free with every issue of The Quibbler. Before I can say anything more, a voice from the top of the stairs sends a cold shiver down my spine, and I freeze. "Charlotte."

Very slowly, I turn around and find Narcissa at the top of the stairs, watching me. "I—"

"Hush," she quietly but firmly commands. "Come."

I give Luna an apologetic look and, only after receiving back a kind nod, rush up the steps. Narcissa viciously takes me by the arm. Without a single word, she forces me through the manor, Draco following us, his head down. We're all silent until we enter my cousin's bedroom. Narcissa slams the door closed, and I quickly take a few steps away from her. Draco angles himself ever so slightly between the two of us, but still somewhat closer Narcissa. "Do you have any idea—" She stops. "What were you thinking, Charlotte?"

"I—"

"You have family that cares about you," she interrupts. "Do you have any idea what could have happened had someone else found you? Had it been anyone but me, or possibly your mother?"

"My mother?" I laugh. "She would be pleased to hand me over to the Dark Lord. I might as well not have a mother at all."

"This is not the time for your childish grievances!" my aunt snaps.

"'Childish grievances'? That bitch put my father in Azkaban!"

"She's your mother, and she had no choice!"

"She had every choice in the world! Just like me, just like Draco, just like Harry, just like you, just like Lucius, just like my dad! She had a fucking choice, and she made the wrong one! And she knew exactly what she was doing when she did it! So don't you dare try to tell me that she 'had no choice'!"

Narcissa takes a step closer to me, her face in mine, the look in her eye almost enough to kill me. "Watch yourself, Charlotte," she growls.

"Mum, please—"

"Bella is my sister, and she is your mother. You don't know what she goes through. You'll never know what she goes through. And until you do, you do not have any right to speak against her." I've never seen Narcissa's anger directed at me like this. Well, I have, just not this close to me. I find it hard to breathe, a sudden ache filling my chest. I want to run and hide and disappear to get away from her wrath. "Bellatrix has been to hell and back. She spent fifteen years in Azkaban, lamenting your death. You—"

"And my father didn't spend fifteen years in Azkaban?" I cry, my own anger rising in me and fighting down the fear. "He didn't mourn my death every day? Bellatrix ruined his life, she ruined my life, and you're just gonna act like she's the victim here? That's bullshit! She's not the only one who suffers! You can't keep protecting her and defending her when she relishes the chance to do evil things!"

She sighs, and the tension between us breaks. A sudden emptiness fills me. "Charlotte, you have to be more careful."

"Or what? They'll kill me?"

Narcissa looks at me for a long moment, then something in her face changes. She steps toward me and wraps her arms around me, holding me tightly. "Don't do something that dangerous again."

My arms reach up and around her almost as if they have a mind of their own. "Luna is a friend. I had no choice."

"I understand your desire to check on her. Just don't do it again."

"Charlotte," Draco says quietly. Narcissa and I break apart. "I didn't realize she would see through my lie so quickly."

"I saw through it from the beginning. I wanted to give Charlotte the opportunity to do what she needed to do. But I never intended for you to take that long."

"I didn't think it was that long," I say.

"Well, it was longer than I wanted to risk." She smiles at me.

The three of us walk over to the bed and sit down, Narcissa between Draco and me. "It feels like it's been more than seven months, doesn't it?" I say quietly, picking at my nails.

"Unfortunately," Draco agrees.

Narcissa places her hand on my leg. "Charlotte, if you become pregnant—"

"Which is something we're all against," Draco interjects.

"And if you and Bella are still in this rough patch—"

"It's not just a 'patch.'"

"I want you to know," she continues as if she had never been interrupted, "that we—meaning Draco, myself, and Lucius—will help you in any way that we can."

"Lucius?"

"He admires your strength and your bravery."

"I never would have guessed."

Narcissa smiles in a way that reminds me very much of Draco. "Well, you're not a very good guesser then, are you?"

I lie back onto the mattress and cover my stomach with my hands. "I've been told that before, actually."

My aunt and my cousin lie back onto the bed beside me. "Might I just say that your stress is rubbing off on me?" Narcissa says quietly. "I can feel it in the air. It's all around."

I can't help but smile. "That wasn't my intention, I assure you. But if you want to take some of this stress off of me, I won't argue."

She takes my hand but doesn't reply.

I'm not sure if time just likes to fly by and ruin any good time in my life or if I fell asleep, but all too soon, Narcissa sighs and whispers, "It's time, Charlotte."

Making no objection, I sit up and hug Draco. "Be strong," he says.

Narcissa takes me by the hand and leads me out of the room. "I don't think I can thank you enough," I say quietly.

"For what?"

"Accepting me."

"If Lucius and I would have had another child, I believe I would have wanted a daughter, a girl like you."

The rest of our short trip is taken in silence. It's a bittersweet moment when I realize that Bellatrix is, in fact, not going to be involved this time. It's a hard feeling to describe. I'm thrilled that she might actually realize sending Rodolphus to Azkaban was a mistake. But I'm distraught at the fact that our relationship might be beyond repair.

We stop at the door. "You'll be fine."

"Your confidence in me is as endearing as ever." Then I smile at her and enter the room. In my own silent mourning, I walk to the center and stand completely still.

Voldemort enters within minutes.

"Am I here as punishment for telling my father the truth?" I ask him immediately. "Is that why you've called me back early?"

His red eyes watch me closely. "Is that a question that needs to be asked?"

"So can I expect more pain this time?"

"That depends entirely on how much of a fight you put up."

"And if I don't fight?"

"Are you becoming complacent at long last?"

"I'm kind of—I just want to go back to Hogwarts. I'm so very tired, my Lord. Of fighting and of being in pain." I start undressing and make my way over to the bed.

"It seems you might be in luck. I don't have much time today."