Krazyasibe: Thanks for reviewing! Gonna get chapters out as fast as I can!
Fmh: Thanks for reviewing! I'll do my best not to take that long again! As for the timeline, this is early January. Shortly before my very long hiatus (so sorry btw), Voldemort learned that Charlotte told Rodolphus who she is, and part of her punishment (and because Voldemort is growing impatient) was being called to the manor more often unfortunately. And yeah, Charlotte definitely needs a family right now, and all things considered, it seemed right that Narcissa and Draco would fill that hole. Regrettably, Charlotte still has a problem with taking too many risks and talking to too many people when she should keep her mouth shut... Cue the new chapter!
Bobywhy: Thanks for favoriting!
CHAPTER 4
Severus lets me hold him closely when I arrive back at Hogwarts. "Are you all right?" he asks quietly.
"I think so. He didn't hurt me as much this time. I—I didn't fight him or argue." I pull away so I can see his face. "I just wanted to get out of there. Narcissa gave me the potion anyway."
He listens intently as I tell him about Luna, and he even smiles a bit when I show him the glasses she gave me. We sit down on the foot of his bed, and I hold his hand tightly in mine. "Narcissa was nice to me."
"Nice how?"
I give a short explanation of her kindness, especially how she let me speak with Luna and how she told me she was worried about me, but I conveniently leave out the part where she got in my face and tried to be intimidating and threatening (and actually succeeded in doing so).
His expression is one I don't know how to describe, and I don't know what it means. All I know is that I cannot ask him about it. He seems almost…grateful for some reason. If he wants to share what he's thinking, he will.
I pull our hands into my lap. "Have you thought any more about how to get my father out of Azkaban?"
He nods. "I have. I'm still working on it."
That's all I can really ask, I suppose.
"I'll let you know when I've figured the whole thing out."
I bend down and kiss the back of his hand. "Thank you. Really. I don't think I say that enough to you."
He rubs my hand with his thumb. "You don't have to thank me."
A smile comes to my lips, and I turn his hand over in mine, running my fingers across it. "So how was your day, Severus?" I ask lightly.
He gins and humors me. "Tedious. Being the headmaster of Hogwarts is not nearly as interesting as Dumbledore once made it seem."
"Sounds obnoxious."
"It is. Particularly when I have to pretend to be a normal headmaster. By going to meals and acting as if the students actually offend me by not loving the other Death Eaters inside the castle. Not to mention actually having to speak with the Carrows on a regular basis."
I laugh at him but say nothing, instead just letting him continue.
"Have you heard the two of them complain? They act as if teaching here is the worst thing in the world."
"As if you haven't spent almost two decades doing just that. I specifically remember your complaints when we were at Spinner's End."
"If anyone has the right to complain about these students, it's me, not them."
"Oh, I agree completely. You should tell them that the next time they try to tell you how miserable their lives are."
"Don't tempt me, I just might."
"I would support you whole-heartedly."
An ease sets over us. Being alone in his office or his quarters is one of my favorite things. I can't imagine what my life would be like without him in it. He grins down at me, and a sense of joy latches onto my heart. Without another thought I lean toward him and press my lips against his. "Are you—"
"I'm not in pain," I say, pulling his lips back to mine. "I'm fine."
These moments of peace, these times when I can be almost completely happy, I live for them. When the hand that I was holding earlier comes to a rest on my hip, I slide my tongue along his lips and shift onto his lap.
I run my fingers through his hair, a smile coming to my face.
"What're you thinking about?" he asks me quietly.
"Your hair."
"What about it?"
"When we first met—back when you were removing me from Malfoy Manor—I hated it." He makes a face, and I quickly add. "I mean I really like it now though. I just. I think I hated everything about you back then."
He laughs for a moment. "The feeling as mutual, believe me."
"Oh I know." I bring his lips to mine again. "And your eyes used to terrify me, did I ever tell you that?"
He leans forward and place a warm kiss to my neck. "No."
"They were so intimidating and so cold." He begins unbuttoning my shirt, pressing his lips to every inch of skin as it's exposed. "I had nightmares about them."
He finishes with the buttons on my shirt and pushes it off my shoulders and onto the floor. "And now?" he murmurs, his fingers gliding up my back to unhook my bra.
"They make me feel safe. You make me feel safe."
He stops what he's doing and pulls away just far enough to look me in the eye. "I make you feel safe?"
I put my hands on either side of his face and look into those black eyes. "Of course you do. I've never felt as safe as when I'm in here—with you."
When I open my eyes the next morning, I am slightly disappointed not to see Severus lying in his bed beside me, but I guess I should be getting used to that now. Bright light filters in from around the curtain on his window—it's almost too bright. But I ignore it and roll back over. I don't understand why I'm so tired right now. Usually when I wake up it's not a struggle to get up, but right now that task almost seems impossible.
Sometime later I am awoken by the closing of a door, and I sit up to see Severus entering his quarters. "Morning," I groan, stretching my arms above my head.
"It's almost noon."
"Why did you let me sleep so late?"
"You weren't sleeping well last night. You were muttering in your sleep, tossing and turning. I put you under a Bewitched Sleep so you could get some rest." I smile a thanks at him. Then he waves his wand, and some food appears on a tray on his bed. "You missed breakfast."
I keep the blankets over my legs and pull the tray onto my lap. "Did you go to breakfast in the Great Hall?" He nods. "Scare anyone?" He ignores me and sits down on a newly Conjured armchair, a copy of the Daily Prophet in his hands. I'm glad he's relaxing a bit. I begin eating silently. I won't be leaving his quarters until after lunch, I decide in that moment—well, after I've eaten lunch, so closer to this evening. Honestly I'm not ready to face anyone else right now. It's not that anything more horrible than usual happened—I just don't think I'm ready to leave Severus yet. Being in his company brings me more joy than I think I deserve.
"What are you staring at?" he asks, not bothering to look up at me.
"Just watching you read." I take a bite of a crunchy piece of toast and grin close-lipped at him when he glances over at me.
"You didn't say last night—did you happen upon Bellatrix at the manor while you were there?"
"No. I don't even think she was there."
His brow furrows. "She was there. At least she claimed to be. She sent an owl. Asked after you."
"What, she wants updates on me? How kind and concerned she is."
"I told her you were fine, that you certainly didn't need her to check in on you. She…misses you."
"Good. Let her."
He smiles. "I think she was really trying to figure out how close you are to snapping and storming Azkaban for your father. So I lied and told her that you've accepted what happened. When we go to rescue him, she'll be clueless, I assure you."
"'When'?" I ask, a hope burning in my chest. It's almost like I can breathe again for the first time in weeks. My lungs freely accept air without pain, a smile pulls at my cheeks. He looks at me for a short moment, grinning. "You've figured out how to free him?"
"I'm in communication with Rabastan—he doesn't know it's me, of course, he actually thinks I'm Gideon Collins. We've got an idea. In a couple of weeks we should be able to—"
I don't hear the rest over the sound of me clambering off the bed and across the floor to the sofa where he sits. I fling myself onto his lap and throw my arms around his neck. "Thank you thank you thank you," I say, holding him tightly, burying my face into the crook of his neck. His arms slide around my waist and hold me closely. "Thank you." I press a kiss to his cheek, then rest my head on his shoulder. "Thank you so much."
"Charlotte," he says gently.
"I know, I shouldn't get my hopes up too high but—"
"It's not that. I need you to put some clothes on."
Laughter bursts out of me. "You didn't seem to mind just a few hours ago."
"Charlotte."
I peel away from him and return to the bed, covering myself back up with the sheets and pulling the tray of food back onto my lap so that I can continue eating. "So what kind of plan are you coming up with to get him?"
He sighs. "A foolish one." When I don't immediately reply, he continues, "At some point I'll need you to flee Hogwarts and bring back some of Gideon Collins's hair. Can't risk Rabastan learning the truth about me just yet, can we?" I have so many questions, but honestly, they're not that important to me right now. All that matters is that we might be able to rescue my father. "Then I will Polyjuice myself, and the two of us will go with Rabastan and break into Azkaban."
"Wait, what?" He looks up at me. "You want—you want to break into Azkaban?"
"Yes. With the two of us summoning corporeal Patronuses, we should be able to get through and snatch your father and escape. Most of the dementors aren't there anymore. They left when the Dark Lord took over the Ministry."
"That's still incredibly dangerous."
"It is."
"I don't think you should go."
Severus folds the paper. "Excuse me?"
"I don't want you to go to Azkaban to retrieve my father. Rabastan and I can do it. You—you're too valuable to defeating the Dark Lord. Without you, Harry Potter will likely not stand a chance. You're the only one who can really help him."
"I'm not sending you to Azkaban without me there. That's happened once already, and I won't let it happen again."
"Severus, you can't—"
"Either I go with you, or no one goes. And at this point, I doubt Rabastan will take that as an answer."
"Severus—"
"Do you want your father back?"
"Yes, but—"
"Then there is no other way. The only way to get him out before the Dark Lord perishes—and possibly ever at all considering his position as one of the Dark Lord's most vehement supporters in the last war and his role in what happened to the Longbottoms—is to go into Azkaban and get him out."
"I don't want you to risk yourself like that."
"He doesn't belong there. We can save him."
"And risk you in the process?" I ask.
"I can take care of myself."
"I know that, but…I don't want to lose you."
He sets the paper aside and focuses his full attention on me. "Charlotte, we've been over this—you don't have to worry about me."
"Not even when we go into Azkaban?"
Severus stands and walks over to me, then takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "What you're feeling now—that fear that something will happen to me in Azkaban—it's exactly why I won't let you go without me." My heart smiles with his words. "Last time you went in there, you almost didn't come back out. I'm not going to let that happen again."
I reach over and take his hand. "How busy are you right now?"
He glances over at his chair and shrugs. "Not incredibly."
"So you can spare a little time?"
A smile comes to his lips, and my unwanted breakfast leftovers vanish. "Yes."
Severus brushes a clump of hair out of my face, then leans forward and captures my lips with his.
It's well into the evening before I leave Severus's office and make my way back to the Slytherin Dungeon. Though I want to rescue my father, the idea of losing Severus to get him out of Azkaban does not sit well with me. How can he possibly think that three of us—one of whom can't form a corporeal Patronus—can get my father out of that terrible prison?
Christopher approaches me as soon as I enter the common room and pulls me aside. "Can we talk?"
"Sure," I say skeptically. Since when does he seem so nervous or ask if we can talk, as if there is something important he wants discuss?
"Are you all right, Charlotte?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
His face becomes serious, and he glances around the common room as he leads me to a table somewhat away from most of the other students currently in the dungeon. "Charlotte, I know."
"Know what?"
"Everything."
My stomach plummets, my smile slowly sinking, my throat tightening and making it harder to breathe. "I don't know what you mean, Christopher."
His little hand covers mine. "Charlotte, I…I heard it all. I heard everything you told Mum and Dad. I know the real reason you leave Hogwarts every month—why you disappear."
Surely he can't know the truth. No one was every supposed to find out. Well, then again I did foolishly tell many more people than I should have. It was only a matter of time before someone heard when they weren't supposed to. This is my fault, really. I can't bring myself to look at him. "Don't…don't tell anyone."
"I never planned on telling. I just…you must want…there's no way you can keep that kind of burden to yourself. I…I'm here if you need…you know, to talk to someone. I…I wanted you to know that I'm here. And I'll be here for you forever. Anything I can help you with, let me know."
"Do any of the others know?"
"No."
"Where are they?"
He looks at me for a moment, then seems to force himself to speak. "They're will Ella. She's been worried about her parents. Mostly her dad. Julia and Jacob and Astoria are trying to help her."
"Why is she so worried about them? They're both half-bloods, right? And they can trace their lineage?"
"Yeah, but her dad recently got fired from the Ministry, and he is an open supporter of Harry Potter."
"Where are they?"
"Around," he says vaguely. I narrow my gaze at him, and he adds, "They didn't want to add any stress to you, Charlotte. They made me promise that I wouldn't let you find them. They don't know what's going on, but it's clear that you're going through a lot."
I appreciate their thoughtfulness.
"Charlotte"—Christopher's voice is much quieter than it was moments before—"can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Say…say you get…you know… What…what will happen to you?"
My breath catches. I can't very well tell him that I am supposed to die. But I can't keep that from him either. Both options carry with them such positives and negatives that it's hard to choose which instinct to go with: lie or tell the truth. I meet his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes. They're so innocent, yet they've seen so much pain. His eyes make the decision for me. "Nothing. I'll have to deal with it, but once everything is finished, life will continue the way it always has. Stressfully."
He smiles weakly but accepts my answer as truth. "Good. I can't lose you too."
"You won't."
"Is there any way I can help you?"
"I know you want to, but I don't think you'll be able to, Christopher, I'm sorry." I squeeze his shoulder. "I have family members—the Malfoys. Draco and Narcissa have offered me their help, as have Andromeda and Nymphadora Tonks, all of whom are related to me through my mother Bellatrix. If I'm…you know, I will not be able to stay and give birth to the child of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I'll have to go into hiding."
"But—"
"And if I go into hiding, I can have the child without anyone really needing to know."
"So you're just going to leave me, just like that?"
I shake my head. "I would never just leave you, Christopher."
"I can help you too, you know. You don't just have to rely on your family."
"I know that. And I might use your help."
"You will use my help. Just tell me what I need to do."
"If it happens according to how I hope it will," but things hardly ever do, "I'll need you to help convince everyone that I am dead. I'll disappear. But I'll come in contact with you."
"How?"
"I'll think of something. You'll know it's me."
"And how will I know you truly went into hiding rather than actually being taken or killed?"
"I haven't quite figured that out yet."
Christopher hugs me tightly. "I have faith in you."
This young boy is one of the sweetest I think I've ever met. "You're a gem in a world of rocks, Christopher."
"I love you, too."
I kiss the top of his head. "Why don't you go find the others? I think I'm going to go lie down for a bit." He doesn't move as I walk away, and I don't look back as I disappear up the stairs. My hope for being alone is cut short when I push open the door for the seventh-year girls' dormitory and find Daphne sitting on her bed, reading what appears to be a textbook.
"Hey," she says.
"Hey."
She watches me for a long moment, then closes her book and sets it aside. "Something's happened, hasn't it?"
"What makes you—"
"Don't lie, Charlotte. Something's off about you. You can tell me."
Can I tell her? Maybe I can tell her some of it. Sighing, I motion my head toward my bed, and she immediately slides off her mattress to follow me. Once we've made ourselves comfortable, she at the foot of the bed with me across from her, our legs stretching toward one another, her leaning against something she conjured and me leaning against the headboard, I wave my wand around the four-poster in order to keep our conversation a secret from any possible prying eyes. "My father's in Azkaban. My fault."
"I'm sure it's not—"
"I told him the truth about who I am, and my mother found out. She told the Dark Lord, and he imprisoned my father because of it. That's clearly my fault."
"He had every right to know, Charlotte. I'm sure he wouldn't trade his newfound knowledge for his freedom. Was he excited when you told him?"
"Thrilled."
"Then I'm sure he's content with what has happened. Just knowing that you're alive must be keeping him…okay."
"Okay? In Azkaban? Daphne, I almost lost my mind after just a—" I stop short, realizing what I have said when her eyes grow wide and her face pale.
"No," she whispers.
"Forget I—"
She cuts me off with a loud noise, then crawls toward me, forcing me to move over so that she can sit next to me. "Charlotte, you're not serious." I shrug, and Daphne takes my hand in hers. "I'm so sorry. When did it happen?
"Over the summer. After…after he killed Zoe." I close my eyes and rest my head against her shoulder. "I almost killed myself in there, Daphne. How can I pretend that my father is okay?"
"Why would he lock you away?"
"To show me that he's…in control. To prove to me…that he can do whatever he wants. He locked me away and when I almost lost my mind he…had my mother erase my memories. Replace them with false ones." My breath is ragged, my throat growing tight and sore, but I push on. "I thought I was…truly Aurelia Lestrange. I had memories—good ones—of my life with my mum." Tears burn the back of my eyes as I think about what I could have had. If Voldemort wasn't around. If Voldemort didn't own my mother. If Voldemort hadn't chosen me. If Voldemort, if Voldemort, if Voldemort.
"Charlotte, I—"
"Don't say it." I wipe away a tear from my cheek. "Anyway, part of me knew something was wrong and…well, a friend helped me retrieve my…forgotten self." I pull my head off her shoulder and look her in the eye. "The point is, I know he's not okay, and I know it's my fault."
Daphne is silent for a moment, just trying to comfort me silently, I think. Finally she takes a breath and asks, "Is Azkaban really impenetrable? Didn't Barty Crouch or whatever get out a few years back?"
"Yeah, but it wasn't—it was a clever plan that we can't pull off because we don't have the power to get into Azkaban like Crouch's parents did."
She stares at me, sizing me up, a smirk on her face. "You don't really believe that, do you?"
"Of course I believe—"
"I mean, you don't really believe he's trapped there forever, do you? You have hope of him getting out?"
"Wouldn't you? How else am I supposed to live with myself?"
"You wanna get him out, don't you?"
"Of course I do."
Daphne straightens and tightens her hand on mine. "Tell me what's going on."
"I've been in contact with Rabastan," I say, only half-lying. Severus was the one in contact with my uncle, but Daphne doesn't need to know that. "He thinks…he thinks we might be able to break into Azkaban and break my father out. He's coming up with a plan. I don't…I don't know if I want to believe that it's possible."
"Wait. You're…you're gonna try going into Azkaban?"
"I don't know if—"
"You can't go in with a Death Eater, that's insane!"
"Daphne—"
"Can he even use the Patronus Charm? Charlotte, this is—"
"I can use the Patronus Charm. I can create a corporeal Patronus. And it won't be just the two of us. We have someone else going with us."
"Who?"
This is where I pull the brakes. Of course I can't tell her that Severus is planning to go with us. It's bad enough that she knows he's my friend. "Someone I trust."
Her eyes tighten, but she sets her jaw and says, "You're taking me with you, Charlotte. You and your friend and your uncle. You're not—"
"Can you even produce a Patronus?"
"Yes. And you're not going in there alone."
"I won't be alone—"
"Shut up. I'm going with you when you go, or else you're gonna force me to turn to McGonagall. Do you think it'd be good for her to know your plan? She'll probably start keeping an annoyingly close eye on you."
McGonagall absolutely cannot know about this foolhardy plan of going into Azkaban to free a known Death Eater from its horrible clutches. Daphne knows this. I know this. She knows that I know this. I don't really have any obvious way to fight this right now, so I concede with, "I'll talk with my friend. Only with their permission are you allowed to help."
