July 31

Yesterday morning I was at Kaede's house as we got things together to attend to the birth of another woman in the village.

"Kagome, are you sure you feel up to going with me this time? I understand if you want to stay home, I can take care of it on my own."

This was the third time Kaede had said this to me over the past few days. But I just smiled and waved it off. I felt fine and I wasn't sick at all from my own pregnancy symptoms so I knew I would be able to sit through the long process. Also, I was eager to help with the birth. I had assisted Kaede with a few others in the past and I enjoyed helping the women bring their children into the world.

"I'll be fine, Kaede. I promise. If I start to feel sick or anything I'll let you know."

"Alright, dear."

So we went to Kimiko's house and ordered her husband out as we set up to help her through the labor and delivery process.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her and I felt her forehead for her temperature.

"Awful," she replied from where she was laying in bed. "I know it's my third one, but it doesn't seem to get any easier."

"We can't make it physically easier but we can at least help you through it," I said encouragingly. "You'll be fine."

"Bless you, Lady Kagome," she said gratefully.

As we monitored and coached her through the process I couldn't help but think of how this would be me in a few short months. It was inevitable that I would soon be in this position but the idea of it was still extremely daunting to me.

Things seemed to be going well for the most part. Then they took a turn. We pulled the baby out but there was no cry. Kaede and I exchanged a worried look. We patted its back and tried to get it to make a sound but it was no use.

"Is everything okay?" Kimiko said in an exhausted voice.

The realization was what was going on hit me like a truck. My thoughts were confirmed by the sad look on Kaede's face and when I saw it I gasped. This couldn't be. This beautiful, sweet baby hadn't made it out alive!

"Miss Kimiko, I'm so sorry," Kaede said. "But the baby was stillborn."

"Wha…?" Kimiko immediately started crying. She asked to hold the baby and Kaede cleaned the boy off and handed him to her as she continued to sob. Her husband must have heard her pained cries because he burst into the room.

"What's going on?" he said full of panic.

"Your child didn't make it, Haru," Kaede said. I could tell it was very hard for her to break the news.

Haru sat next to Kimiko and cried with her.

Meanwhile, I felt like I was going to start hyperventilating. This was the most awful thing I'd ever witnessed and it was my worst fear. I knew it was common in this era for things to go wrong with the birth but it had always seemed like an abstract concept in a way. Now seeing up close what it was like when the baby wasn't breathing, and when the mother and father had to find out that the baby they'd waited nine months for had not lived to see its first breath, I was completely heartbroken and absolutely terrified for my own baby.

Tears streamed down my face and I was shaking. Kaede noticed and led me out of the room. "Kagome, look at me, are you going to be okay?"

"I-I don't know…" I felt like I wanted to fall to my knees and cry.

She put her arms around me and I leaned into her shoulder and sobbed. "I'm so sorry you had to see this."

"It's okay. I-I had wanted to come. Now I just...I just…" I could hardly speak because I was so shaken up.

"Shh. I know, I know," she said gently. "Let me go get the rest of the stuff and I'll take you home.

I nodded and waited patiently for her to come back. After spending a bit of time talking with Haru and Kimiko, she walked home with me and I was grateful that I didn't have to go alone.

It was late at night by now. I knew Inuyasha was sitting up waiting for me. Sure enough, when I went through the door he was sitting on the couch petting Nico. As soon as he saw me crying and Kaede practically holding me up, he ran over and was extremely concerned.

"Kagome, what happened?" Inuyasha said as he immediately pulled me into his arms. I was still so upset that I could hardly speak and he turned to Kaede for answers.

"Things...didn't exactly go well with Kimiko's birth," Kaede said sadly. "Kagome has taken it very hard."

Inuyasha held me and kissed me to try to get me to calm down. "Thank you for bringing her home, Kaede," he said.

"You're welcome," Kaede said. "I'll leave her with you. I think you'll be much better at calming her down."

Inuyasha said goodbye to Kaede then closed the door and led me over to sit down. He let me cry into his shoulder until I seemed to have calmed down enough to speak.

"What happened over there, Kagome?" he asked.

"It was so awful, honey. Kimiko's baby was stillborn. We pulled him out and he wasn't breathing. She started crying and then her husband came in and they were both so upset." I looked up at him through my eyes that were clouded with tears. "I'm scared for our baby."

His gold eyes looked incredibly pained as well as he looked into mine for a moment. Finally, he just pulled me back into his arms and held me tightly. "Kagome."

"I'm so worried," I said. "I want this baby so badly, Yasha. I don't know what I'd do if our baby doesn't make it. The sage last month said something bad was going to happen, maybe this was it."

Inuyasha was silent for a moment as he rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. After a few minutes, he lifted my chin and wiped the tears from my face.

"If I could I would make everything work out perfectly," he said. Then he put his hand on my stomach. "I told you I would protect you with my life. I'm so used to being able to save you from everything and it kills me that this is the one thing that I did to you that I can't save you from."

I remembered very clearly when he had said that he would protect me with his life. The danger at the time had been Naraku, but he had kept true to his word ever since whenever there was any danger. Unfortunately, this was the thing that he couldn't fight to protect me.

"Inuyasha…"

He cut me off with a kiss and I immediately allowed myself to become immersed in it. Even if Inuyasha couldn't snap his fingers and make it so that everything would be okay, I still felt safe and comforted being close to him like this.

"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to either of you. You're my whole world," he said afterward. "But I feel so strongly though that things will be fine. Maybe it's just because I'm afraid to think otherwise, but I just feel like it will."

"I'll do everything I can to make sure of it."

"So will I." He kissed me again. "I'll always be by your side and I'll do everything that I can to make sure you two are okay."

I still haven't been able to forget what happened last night. I don't think I ever will, honestly. But I haven't let it worry me throughout today. If I worry too much, the baby will feel the stress and that will end up hurting it more than I would ever want.