Regret

Sometimes Alex Eames was overwhelmed by her feelings for her partner. They had been together a very long time, and he had been at her side longer than anyone she had ever known, except for maybe her sister or her Dad.

No, now that Alex thought about it, she realized she had been around Bobby more than even her family members. She saw him every working day, after all, and she was lucky to see her family maybe every other weekend.

There was nothing particularly special about today. They were working in the office, digging in on computers and in old files, getting background on their persons of interest and a glimpse into the psychology that might translate into motive.

Bobby was wearing his charcoal suit today, and he offset the darkness of the suit with a mint green dress shirt. His tie was one she'd given him as a birthday gift, charcoal with slanted green stripes. The colors of the tie complimented the shirt perfectly. His tie clip had also been a gift from her, about 3 years ago, when she thought maybe their relationship was something deeper.

She forced herself to stop looking at him and return her attention to her computer screen. The distraction worked, and they made a few breakthroughs by the end of the day. They sent the juniors out to round up their POIs and broke for dinner while they waited for them all to arrive.

Conversation at dinner was easy and light. Bobby was in a good mood today, and he was always ready with a smile. Her heart ached a couple of times, and she found herself wondering exactly where that was coming from.

He was masterful in interrogation, as he always was. Alex folded her arms, leaned against the wall, and watched him work his magic. She encouraged him with a meaningful glance now and then, and chimed in with one or two pertinent comments. By 8:30, he had extracted the confessions. They did the necessary paperwork and left the rest for the morning.

"You headed home?" she asked him, yearning to stay close just a little while longer.

He smiled for her, and she felt a pang again. "Yeah, I gotta get a letter off to my niece. She asked me for advice about a school project, so it's kinda time sensitive."

Alex smiled at him. "See you tomorrow, partner." He had to have noticed the affection in her voice.

Bobby looked down, raised one hand to scratch the back of his head, and nodded. "Yeah, uh, see ya." He looked at her once more with another dazzling smile, then headed for his car.

Alex turned the other way and got into her own vehicle. She paused with her hands on the steering wheel and let out a long, deep breath.

Her heart was aching again, stronger than the last time, and she really couldn't say why. All she knew was sometimes it hit her like this, her feelings for him. Putting a name to the feeling was the hard part. She navigated the city and out to her neighborhood and pulled the car into her drive. After changing into her night clothes, she poured herself a half glass of bourbon and sat on the couch with a magazine that she never even bothered to open.

Of course it was love, but the real question was what kind? They'd run the gamut, it seemed, but never crossed into romance. She remembered vividly that night three years ago, when he'd caught her arm as she slipped on a patch of ice. They had been so close their breath clouded each other's faces. She'd wanted to lean into him, to kiss him, but something held her back. It had to be his decision. Romance could ruin everything, and although she was willing to take that risk, she couldn't make that decision for him.

So they stood there for what seemed like forever, so close there was some kind of current between them. She couldn't initiate a kiss, and somehow, he decided not to. At last he let go of her arm, asked if she was okay, and they kept walking, close enough to touch, but not.

That was the last night she had entertained the idea that their relationship might become something more.

And she didn't really regret it. They were still together. He was still her best friend. That was more important in the long run anyway, just knowing he was always there for her.

She took another long, slow breath, and laid back on the couch, resting her head on the arm and staring at the texture in her ceiling.

Should she have kissed him three years ago? Sometimes she really wished she had. But maybe not. Maybe if that moment had never happened, they wouldn't be where they were today.

Her phone rang, and she wasn't really surprised to see it was Bobby calling. "Hey," she said softly.

"Look, I finished that letter to my niece, and I was just thinking… you wanna have a drink or something?"

She looked down at her sleep clothes-sweat pants and a loosely fitting t-shirt and smiled sadly. "I'm not really dressed to go out," she said.

"I-I could… I'll come over. Bring a bottle of wine or a margarita mix or something. Name your poison."

"I've got some whiskey here already," she said, and her heart was yearning for him again. "Just stop by, we'll make do with what I have."

"Great. I-I'll be there ASAP."

"Bye, Bobby." She couldn't stop smiling when she hung up the phone.


He had changed clothes, too, but he hadn't gone so far as to be in his sleepwear. Bobby wore an old pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He held a bag in his hand.

"I thought we were going to make do?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He smiled and held the bag out to her. "Chocolate," he explained. "I stopped at the bakery."

She grinned, and the words were out of her mouth before she even realized she'd said "I love you."

Bobby seemed to blush a little, but he followed her into the kitchen without making a comment.

He poured them both drinks while she plated the slices of cake. When she turned around, she noticed his eyes gliding up her body until they met her own. "I was already down for the night," she explained. "Settled in on my comfy couch."

He smiled at her, and gave a quick nod. They each took a bite of cake. "I couldn't help but notice you were… kind of...subdued… today," he said.

She gave him a lopsided smile. "I can't really explain it, Bobby...just doing a lot of thinking lately."

He licked his lips slowly, then took a sip of his drink. "Well, like… what have you been thinking about?" He asked it in a way that made her feel as if he already knew the answer.

Suddenly she found it very hard to swallow. After a moment to compose herself, she decided to tell him the truth. "You. Me. Us."

She caught a glimpse of some kind of flash in his eyes before he looked down at his cake. Bobby sculpted the frosting with the tines of his fork, chewing on his bottom lip. "Uhm… like what about us?" he pressed on.

Alex had to move. She rearranged her plate, her fork, her glass, the bottles on the table. "Bobby, do you remember that night…? A few years ago, when… when I almost fell and you-"

"I caught you. And we just..."

"Just stood there..."

He nodded. "I think about that night a lot," he admitted.

This surprised her. She slowly cocked her head a little. "Yeah?"

He dropped his fork with a clatter and nodded vigorously. "Y-yeah. I've always wished I could have that night back, do it over again."

The smile was creeping back into her features. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said soberly.

"Me, too," she blurted.

Then followed a quiet, awkward dance as they both got up from their chairs and directed each other where to stand and how to hold their arms until they were, once again, centimeters apart.

The fear took hold of her once again, and for a moment, Alex stood frozen, just as she had three years ago. She looked into his eyes, and she saw something there she hadn't seen before. Instead of the caution she'd seen there before, now she saw unmasked desire. He leaned a little closer, and she met him halfway. As their lips met, the current between them stirred something much deeper inside. She felt his arms wrap around her, pulling her closer, and somehow her hands found their way into his curls. Their lips parted, and she felt his breath against her lips as he whispered, "I love you, too."