Moonpriestess30: Yeah, I do miss writing him so he'll be appearing in a few chapters from now on. This one made me grin and I wrote it purely for my own entertainment.
Chapter 187 - Foolproof
Fenris rubs his eyes, 'you cannot be serious. Three mages and myself? Hawke, you have had some ridiculous ideas but this one is really-'
'Taking the piss?' Garrett adds with a grin as he looks at the elf. 'Oh come on, we're going to be fine. It's not my fault you've not been able to convince Katza to stay at home. I expected better from you,' he smirks as he looks at the furious elf. They were sitting on the cart, riding towards the mine that was their destination. Katza was in the back with Anders and they were chatting about something that Fenris didn't understand.
'I tried, but I cannot force her,' Fenris says matter-of-factly.
Garrett smirked. 'Did you tie her to the bed? That normally works for me, though you've got to make sure those bloody knots are tight,' he muses to himself. He looks over at Fenris who was giving him an incredulous look.
He shakes his head, 'no, I have not tied her to the bed,' Fenris says dryly. Though now his mind was going to less than clean places and he couldn't help but imagine a slightly... erotic scenario. His cheeks flush a little pink and he clears his throat. 'I am sure it would not work anyway. If Makatza wishes to go somewhere there is very little I can do to stop her.'
Hawke laughs and shakes his head, 'then you're not doing it right. If she can still walk, you need to try harder,' he teases.
'Hawke, please. I do not need ….advice from you,' Fenris says wanting to die a little inside.
'Is everything perfectly satisfactory?' Hawke says in a bad imitation of the elf which earned him a glare. 'I'm just saying,' Garrett laughs. 'You've been together for years now, it's not unheard of for things to get a little... bland.'
'Maker above,' Fenris groans as he rubs his hand over his face. 'Hawke, please. There is no need,' he says in a desperate attempt to get the Champion to shut up. When it came to the intimate side of their relationship there were no problems that he knew of, he desired her just as much as he always had and the feeling was reciprocated. 'I was trying to understand your idiotic plan to have three mages and one warrior to take down a dragon!'
'Hey, no changing the subject-'
'I was not the one changing the subject! This is the original subject before you decided to pervert things!' Fenris snaps as he looks at the man he wondered how was his best friend. 'I am going to be the only one at close quarters- Have you ever fought a High Dragon before?' Fenris asks simply.
'Well, no, of course not but it'll be fine. Katza can do her cagey, crushy wolf thing. I can throw fireballs and shit at it, you'll be up it's nostril and Anders will be healing us the entire time,' he grins as he shrugs his shoulders. Fenris looks at him with an expression of wonder and complete illusion, Garrett pouts, 'what? What's that look for?'
Fenris shakes his head slowly rubbing his face, 'I am simply wondering how you have managed to stay alive this whole time. Hawke, you cannot simply throw fireballs at it. It. Is. A. Dragon. It is fireproof, your particular skill set is not going to do anything more than piss it off,' the elf states. 'Meanwhile your cousin will be doing actual damage and making herself a target and myself who will be right in the path of it's jaws,' he point out. 'You have not thought this through and we need to go back to Kirkwall before one of us gets killed.'
Garrett huffs and wears an unamused expression. 'Katza will be fine, Anders will take care of us and I can just throw rocks at it instead. I'll take a note out of Merrill's book. I'll make sure that Katza stays far enough back so that she's not hurt. Also, I'll keep an eye out on you. You have that fancy new sword now. It'll cut through a dragon's hide easily, it goes through metal with enough ease.'
'Yes, and when I slice open the beast's flank I am sure it is going to simply ignore me,' Fenris snaps as he sighs and leans back in his chair. 'You are so frustrating. You have a constant attitude that everything will turn out to your advantage.'
Hawke shrugs his shoulders, 'generally everything does turn out to my advantage. Most the time, we're talking like, sixty/forty. Maybe seventy/thirty, if it's a Wednesday,' he s grins as he gives Fenris a look. 'Oh please, we're going to be just fine, stop stressing. Your fiancee is happy enough.'
'That is because she is blissfully ignorant of what we're about to face,' Fenris mutters as he looks away from Hawke and his perky attitude. The Champion rolls his eyes, clearly someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He leans over and ruffles Fenris' hair, grinning as his hand was slapped aside and there was a rather annoyed huff from the elf.
'It's getting long,' Garrett teases.
'It is fine,' Fenris snaps as he tries to resettle his braids.
'You could put it up into a bun,' Hawke adds as he looks over at him. 'Why haven't you cut it? Oh, it is because Katza likes it?' He teases as he catches the elf's ears go a little pink. 'Oh it is,' he grins. 'Aww. That's sweet-'
'Enough, Hawke-'
'For once I have to agree with Fenris,' Anders says simply as he speaks over his shoulder. 'All this talk is making me uncomfortable. I mean really, the last thing I need to hear is her cousin giving …. terrible, terrible advice to her... attachment,' he says unable to call Fenris her fiance. He still couldn't believe that they were actually going to get married.
Makatza giggles as she turns around to face them, 'oh I don't know, he was half right about some things,' she teases making Anders playfully give her a shove and pull a face.
'Oh please, I really don't need the details,' he says shaking his head.
Garrett laughs, 'you were listening?'
'Well it was such an interesting conversation topic,' Makatza smiles as she pokes Anders in the shoulder before playing with his feathers. 'And actually yeah, I think Fenris has got a point about the particular strategy that you're playing here,' she says giving Garrett a look. 'A dragon's hide is supposed to be very thick and even though Fenris' sword will be able to go through it does mean he'll become a target,' she says simply.
Hawke pouts and gives her a look, 'and when did you become the expert on dragons?' He says annoyed. Makatza gave him a grin and he gave her the finger in response.
'The Tevinter Imperium is many things but one thing they do excel at is knowledge. I have read many books from the Imperium in a hope to understand and learn about them. My interest in dragons was sparked from the compendium that Anders got me for my birthday, and then I've just read more and more from there. I would be quite confident in identifying the beast and we can hopefully work out the best way to deal with it from there,' Makatza says simply as she wraps her arms around Fenris' shoulders from behind and leans her head on one of them, her fingers play with the little protrusion on his breastplate. 'That way we might avoid having this one bitten in half,' she adds simply patting her lover's chest.
'Varric said it was a High Dragon,' Garrett explains.
'Well shit,' Makatza says simply. Fenris had gone a little still because she had draped herself over him from behind and her talking was quite close to his ear which he didn't really appreciate at this time. He was sure that she was doing this on purpose as he had tried to dissuade her from coming this morning. 'Garrett, that's bad news. They only come out once a century and that's for clutching. She'll want to eat everything and anything,' she sighs. 'She's immune to fire, paralysis, she can't be stunned or slowed, frozen in place and a whole host of others.'
Garrett pulls a thoughtful face and then nods, 'okay, okay, so what I'm thinking is, Katza, you go all wolf, you're faster in that form yes?'
Katza narrows her eyes and raises a brow, 'yes... but I am at a disadvantage as well. Having four legs means it's easier to become unbalanced,' she points out. 'When I'm normal all I do is rely on my left foot too much,' Katza says making Fenris chuckle with the reference. Even Garrett understood and he laughs lightly as he shakes his head.
They come to a stop outside the mine and he gets down and waits for the others to disembark before continuing. 'No, I mean your... weird werewolf thing,' he says simply.
Katza pulls a face and doesn't look pleased as Fenris checked her armour over before they went inside. 'I don't even know how I did that, Isabela was in danger and I was pissed off,' she explains as she tries to remember what happened. 'Why would you want me to turn into that ridiculous thing if I could?'
'Because I'm assuming you get the best of both worlds, your flexibility and the agility of a wolf, not to mention the use of hands,' Garrett says as Makatza playfully bats Fenris away as he fusses. 'You've got to admit, it makes sense,' he adds.
Makatza shudders, 'ugh, it feels so wrong. Not a wolf, not myself. I look like some demented wolf woman,' she says as she breathes in. 'Okay, okay, I'll try,' she looks at Fenris, 'just promise you'll still love me? I really don't know how I'm going to look,' Katza winces. I can do this, I have pretty much mastered partial shifting I just worry that I'm going to look hideous. Which I shouldn't as it's just a part of myself but I can't help but think that I'm going to look... horrific. Fenris assures her that he's not going to mind what she looks like but deep down he was a little concerned about it. Even now her magic still made him a little uneasy at times. 'Right, okay, I need, stronger legs... sharper nails, larger nails, better hearing,' Makatza starts to talk to herself as she closes her eyes, letting her magic begin to engulf her. She felt her ankles begin to rise as her feet and toes spread out for grip, gaining a couple inches in height her legs began to bend, she could feel the spring that was wound under her muscles. 'Woah, balance,' she mutters to herself as she allows her tail to grow as standing on two rather deformed legs felt very unsteady. Her back and chest muscles grew larger and she felt the toning in her stomach as her waist expanded to support her new weight and posture. Her hands began to also widen and her fingers lengthen as her nails became harder and sharper. Makatza breathed in deeply and focused on her head, her pointed ears elongated and she felt the shape of them change in order to better encourage sound capture. She then found she could move them at will and twitch like her wolf ears. For the time being she was going to leave her jaw alone in case she needed to speak.
'Huh,' she heard from Garrett.
Opening her eyes she looked at them, 'what? Oh god, I'm hideous aren't I?' She says looking at herself. She dared not look at Fenris, she didn't know what would be worse, if he liked it or hated it. It wasn't worth thinking about.
'Well. No, actually. I mean, I would go so far as to say... cute? Yeah, you look kinda cute, like a wolf puppy girl,' Garrett says tilting his head. 'I thought, I did, I thought you were going to be terrifying like last time but you obviously had more control over this shift and you've come out sweet looking.'
'At least here no-one will see me,' Makatza says as she manages to turn around, a little wobbly on her new legs.
'You're going to have to stay at the back though,' Garrett says sharing a rather pointed look with Fenris who didn't look happy with the fact that Hawke was making Katza do things like this. Her form didn't bother him, Garrett was right about one thing, last time she looked wild, this time it was controlled. He understood what Hawke said about her looking sweet. He shook his head lightly, he didn't need any distractions.
'What? Why?' Katza says narrowing her eyes at him.
'Your tail is lifting your skirt up at the back,' Anders says with a hand covering that side of his peripheral vision as he was standing beside her not in front.
'It what? Blasted thing,' Katza snaps as she looks back at it. 'Great, I'm going to be flashing my arse to everyone. It's a good thing I put on shorts this morning,' she sighs as she rubs her eyes. Fenris walks behind her taking out his dagger. Katza yelps as he grabs the base of her tail to stop it moving as he cuts a small indent through her leather waistband. With a bit of tail manipulation he manages to pull it through so that her skirt was a little lower on her hips but her tail was able to move without lifting anything. 'Warn me before you go grabbing like that!' Makatza scolds as she turns around to face him.
'It needed to be done,' he says with an amused smile.
'It is sensitive!' Katza snaps back her ears going flat as she's annoyed. Anders and Garrett hide their sniggering and Fenris simply crosses his arms as he looks at her. 'Thank you,' she adds begrudgingly. 'Feels much easier to move,' she mutters. Katza looks at Garrett and bares her rather sharp teeth, 'this had better work, Garrett Malcolm Hawke or I'll turn you into a wolf man,' she threatens as she walks towards the entrance of the mine.
'I do not think even Isabela would like that,' Fenris says to Hawke.
Hawke grins and looks at him, 'oh I don't know,' he smirks. 'She quite likes all the fun things, I mean where do you think she is now?' He adds with a wink. 'It's a foolproof way to keep a woman where you want them.'
