Author's Note: Me still no own Zootopia. Me only own OCs. Disney own Zootopia. Rated M for violence, language, drugs and sex.
Chapter Seven: Behind the Curtain
ZPD Precinct One
Flush!
"Ah, finally," moaned Judy, "some peace and quiet." "What's that Judy," asked Liz Fangmeyer from the other stall, "you worried about another trapped toilet?" "I'm never gonna live this down am I," asked Judy rhetorically as she got off the toilet, which was far too large for her.
Then as she climbed up to the faucet, Liz decided to walk up and have a conversation with her. "I'm sorry you lost your apartment today," said the tigress, "and it's too bad it had to be broadcasted on the news." "I'm over it now," said Judy as she started washing her paws, "this is probably karma for the awards ceremony that one time. Besides," she continued, "I wanted to move in with Nick anyways. It'll get him thinking about taking our relationship up a notch." "Really?"
"Yeah, I know," said Judy, "he's the most loving boyfriend I could ever hope to get, can sweet talk me into just about anything, and can shoot good enough to stop a rhino dead in his tracks. Why is it so wrong to want his babies?" "Well it's not," said Fangmeyer, "but you and him, you're WildeHopps thing was under investigation for a
while and now you have a mayor that hates you two," she continued, "to your face."
"He did mark me though," said Judy, "so I guess that means I'm reserved parking for him." "Way more than that carrots," said Fangmeyer. Why does everybody have to call me that, thought Judy as she walked out of the ladies room.
Back at Nick's cubicle, Nick was telling his side of the story to Finnick,Danny, Tyler, Jason Wolford and Benji Clawhouser. "So I walked in there," said Nick, "real shithole the place was anyways, with fluff just sitting on the toilet nervously. I asked her to get up but she wouldn't go for it."
"Did you have any terrible puns for the occasion," asked Finnick. "Here's the best one," replied Nick, "don't explode on me. It'd be a real shitstorm." Nick's friends howled in laughter.
"So anyways," interrupted Clawhouser, "would anyone like to buy my new WildeHopps merch?" Clawhouser picked up a bag full of t-shirts, all with the famous photo of Judy pinning the badge on Nick, surrounded by a heart shape. There was also the words "WildeHopps 4-Ever," written in hot pink in some fancy script font.
"Benji," said Nick, "your interest in mine and Hopps' personal life both flatters and horrifies me." "Do you have any of those shirts in extra small mammal size," asked Finnick. "You traitor," snapped Nick to Finnick, "I thought you were my friend!" I'll take one in medium," said Danny. "Me too," said Jason. "Me three," said Tyler, "being a mixed race kid, I'm just a sucker for interspecies love." "You guys are insane," whispered a wide eyed Nick to himself nervously.
Nick made a break for the water cooler, not noticing Finnick following him, and found Judy. "Clawhouser's lost his goddamn mind," said Nick casually as he filled one of the paper cups. Judy looked up and saw the chubby cheetah hocking WildeHopps t-shirts to the entire office. "Aw," she said with a smile, "I find it so cute that so many mammals want us to be together." "Fluff," said Nick, "this WildeHopps train has just left Zootopia and is making a no stops trip straight to Creepy Town."
"Hahahaha," Nick and Judy heard a familiar laugh, "Nick, you insecure sonofabitch. You should have seen the look on your face when I bought one of those t-shirts from that fat motherfucker. You blushed like a little kit being tased about his first girlfriend." "Thanks you little shit," said Nick nonchalantly.
"So are you two actually going to be bunking together from now on," asked Finnick, "'cause if so, all the luck to you two. Especially you bunny." "Oh come on," said Judy, "it's not like I haven't slept with Nick before." Just then, Judy's ears turned bright red, realizing she meant to say 'at Nick's' rather than 'with Nick'. "I know you have," said Finnick, "I can still smell a little bit of the residue on you."
"Are all foxes filthy minded like you," asked Judy to Nick. "It's more of a guy thing than a species thing," replied Nick, "and any ideas on what to do about the East Germammals?" "The only thing we can do now is beg them to leave the country," said Judy. "Wait," said Nick, "that gives me an idea."
East Germammal Consulate
"So my entire role is to go undercover as a hot reporter," asked Judy as Nick parked the car and Finnick picked up a video camera that looked way too big for him. Judy wore fake glasses, a blue suit and skirt, and held a microphone, as that was her cover. "It's not like the pretty girl schtick was a complete bust," said Nick. "It made me wanna do some busting when I watched from the car last time," said Finnick.
Nick, seeing Judy's embarrassment at that statement and Finnick's rather jarring comment, felt something surge that he hadn't seen in a long time. He stared down Finnick, showed of his claws and growled in a bestial form. "Don't touch my mate," he growled to Finnick, who just sat there unphased.
Then Nick reverted back to normal mode, panting as he loaded his pistol. "You wouldn't claw your old pal," said Finnick. "Wanna test me again," asked Nick sarcastically, "I fuckin' killed a mammal in this state!" Finnick and Judy starred at Nick in disapproval, forcing Nick to shrug it off and explain. "Well," he said nervously, "you getting into a fight with the cougar wasn't the smartest choice, and he was about to kill you." "I still have last night's recording, by the way," said Judy as she frowned and took out the carrot pen.
"Then I want to tear you out of that dress, spank you, drive my dick up your fluffy ass then you can sit on my face."
Finnick burst out laughing as Nick buried his face in his paws, echoed by Judy's rather sadistic chuckle. "Alright slick," said Judy, "now let's go carry out the plan."
"Excuse me," said Judy to the badger behind one of the desks, escorted by Finnick, who was undercover as the camera-mammal, "I'm Julia March," she held up her fake press pass, "here with the ZNN to do a story on life in East Germammalny." "Nice to meet you," said the badger, "Fraulein March. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable." Judy sat down, with Finnick holding the camera. With any luck, this idiotic stunt would not only convince Wiesler to leave the United Mammalian States, but also be a Zootube hit by lunchtime.
"Some of our viewers have questions on life under communism that was established after the war," said Judy as she stroked her glasses, "tell me your thoughts." "Well," said the badger, "under marxist theory, all mammals are equal and entitled to be free of exploitation from the bourgeois. We can't ever get too far away from the old Nazi regime."
"So how about shooting families while they try to flee west," asked Judy accusitavely. "What do you mean," asked the badger, "the Germammal Democratic Republic is a fair and merciful society." "Building a wall through a major city is a good way to show it," said Judy, "as well as using a brutal secret police force to keep everyone in line. Sounds like life is really good in your totalitarian, stalinist puppet regime."
"Stalinist puppet regime," chanted Finnick. "Roll back the iron curtain," demanded Judy, "tear down the wall!" "Tear down the wall," chanted Finnick. "Fraulein," said the badger, trying his damndest to not explode on Judy, "please keep it down." "No," barked Judy, "I will not be silent. Free Eastern Europe! Better dead than red!" "Better dead than read motherfuckers," cheered Finnick.
"Alright," said the badger, "that's enough, Sicherheit!" The alarm in the building suddenly went off, causing many mammals to clear out as a squad of wolf soldiers barged into the main lobby with AK-47s, as well as a skunk and a beaver in suits.
"We will not be silent," said Judy, "we will be free to tell the truth! End the violence! One Germammalny for one Germammal people!" "Get out of here crazy lady," said the badger as he and the skunk tried to grab her by the shoulders. Judy's martial arts training kicked in and she roundhouse kicked the skunk onto the floor. "Mach nichts Dummes," barked one of the soldiers as he aimed his AK-47 at Judy and Finnick. "You can't shoot me," snapped Judy, "I'm too adorable!"
As Judy and Finnick were in the process of distracting security, Nick snuck through the underground parking garage as the gate closed and the soldier in charge hightailed it to the main lobby. Commie chumps, thought Nick as he grinned smugly and snuck his way past the commotion.
"Riding on the winds of chaaaange," sang Judy loudly as she ripped down an East Germammal flag. "Get the fuck out," barked the skunk as he shoved her against the door. Then Judy looked up at the armed wolf soldiers, rolled her eyes and said, "Y'all are just jealous that you couldn't seize my means of production." Then she and Finnick stormed out, greeted by a cheering crowd of Purlin Wall protestors.
Wiesler, Wolfenstein, an arctic hare in a black suit and a few other mammals in suits walked back into the Head Consuls office. "Ein weiterer verrückter Reporter," asked Wiesler angrily to Wolfenstein, "Ich habe gerade das Schlimmste gesehen. Schließ das Gebäude ab!" Then they walked into Wiesler's office, only after they closed the door to notice a certain red fox in a police uniform brandishing a .45.
"I would say call the cops," said Nick, "but lucky for you, we're already here." "You have no idea what you're doing here Wilde," said Wiesler, "you better have a good reason for pulling a stunt like this." "How about a proposition," said Nick, "or did they not teach you how to make business deals in commie school? Some people's revolution."
Wiesler's hench-mammals all drew out their weapons, including Wolfenstein, the stag in the sweater, an arctic fox and a porcupine, as well as the pig with glasses revealing an MP-40 concealed in his jacket. "That's some serious hardware," said Nick, "they don't even give us shit like that on the force. For claiming not to be Nazis," he continued, "you sure like using their stuff. And who's the dense ass rabbit anyways," he pointed to the arctic hare, "I don't recognize him."
"Of course you don't," said the hare in a british accent, "allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jack Savage." "Nice name," said Nick, "brings up some unpleasant memories, but I'm glad you're happy with it." "Mr. Savage is employed by the consulate," said Wiesler, "you can't arrest him either."
"I hope your bunny doll had a good time last night," said Savage to Nick, "seeing as her indigestion may have killed her." "So you were the asshole that planted the bomb," said Nick, "I really oughta thank you. I've been meaning to get fluff to move in with me. I guess it was a crap shoot though."
"Enough of this," barked Wiesler, "Mr. Savage, show Officer Wilde what you are capable of." Savage took a cigarette lighter out of his pocket with his right paw, pulled down his right ear with his left paw and said "If you insist, sir."
"What the hell are you doing," asked Nick in amazement and confusion. "Watch me," said Savage as he flicked open the lighter. Then he held it up to his ear, with a stone cold look of indifference on his face as the lighter burned through his flesh. "You sick sonofabitch," said Nick, who then turned to Wiesler, "is this who you hired to kill me?" Savage just smirked and closed up the lighter. Then he kicked Nick in the stomach.
Oof!
"Alright," said Nick as he stumbled back, "that's enough!" He eyed Mr. Wolfenstein approaching him with his deadly claws, which he countered by aiming his gun at him. "I want you," Nick said to Wiesler, "you dirty old weasel, to quit while you're ahead and get the fuck out of my country. Because if you stay here, my partner and I are gonna rain hell on you and your entire operation."
"What gives you the authority to tell me that," demanded Wiesler. "A Mr. Colt gives me that authority," said Nick, waving around his pistol, "and right now, I really oughta shoot something." "Don't try it fox," said Wiesler, "you're gravely outnumbered. Kill one of us and you'll never make it out of here alive. Now listen, I want you to…"
Bang!
Nick shot the aquarium, causing all the fish to spill out onto the office floor, distracting all of Wiesler's goons, with the exception of Jack Savage. "You bastard," barked Wiesler as Nick strolled out of his office. "I know you are but what am I," quipped Nick as he closed the door.
I'm gonna enjoy killing you, thought Savage as Wiesler ordered him to help pick up the fish with the rest of his goons.
The cruiser's car door opened, with Judy and Finnick eager to tell Nick their story as he climbed into the driver's seat. "So how'd my favorite bunny do on her first undercover assignment," asked Nick cheerfully. "She nailed the off-the-rails crazy bitch," said Finnick, "you must really be proud."
"Finnick," said Judy angrily, "what did I tell you about language?" "Okay, okay," said Finnick defensively, "I get it. No naughty words, damnit!" "Don't call her a bitch," said Nick, defending Judy's honor, "because she's not a bitch." "Aw," Judy felt warm inside, "you're so sweet." Nick grabbed her by the shoulder and said, "She's my bitch!"
"Okay," said Judy, "enough of that. Tell us about what you did while Finnick gets the video ready." "Oh nothing much," said Nick, "we were just fish in a barrel and I was just shooting the breeze."
Author's Note: Hope you all thought this was a fun chapter before we start to get to the more serious part of the story. By the way, the original movie scene that this chapter is based on, the one with Danny Glover and Joe Pesci, is still probably funnier and definitely worth checking out. Until then, happy reading! Free South Africa you dumb son of a bitch!
