For You My Little Darling I'll Say Goodbye
Death was the soundtrack of Night City.
Most of the time it was just there, rising and falling around whatever you called a life, subtly playing with your emotions. Blinding you to the banality, makin' you think it all meant something.
You'd only notice it when it was missing.
The aliens up on orbit cheated death like they cheated everybody stuck down here. Even the one-percenters still dirtside, with their drugs and treatments and chrome, with their walls and their guards, they coulda just as well been on another planet.
The comfortable corporats… they couldn't have thought they were safe. But maybe they felt like they had a chance at it. Woulda been the fuckin' worst to be shocked when something went down 'cause you thought it maybe wasn't gonna be your family. Your friends.
Everybody else, making it to fifty was a feat. Every day you got out the door coulda been the last. Every night you got back in, too. Wasn't any safer home, those who had one.
Friends could be gone any moment, and while it didn't mean it didn't hurt, it was the way it was. You went on. Maybe got ahead. Death was the heartbeat, too. Kept things rolling. Got shit done. It's how the city stayed alive.
No old folk's homes in Night City. No fadin' away. You got wiped. Hosed off into the gutter when you were done. Or when everybody was done with you. You could try to get out, but wasn't much better anywhere else. And the city wasn't about to let you leave anyway.
Judy stared at the small box cupped in her palms. It weighed nothing.
Nice thought, gettin' used to it. Making the most of what you got. Keepin' goin'. She grimaced, wiped at her eyes. Just another lie the city made you tell yourself. What happened is you didn't make friends. Not for real. Less you fucked up.
Sad little snort of a laugh. Royal fuck-up, she was.
Still… maybe was something to it. Didn't think about it that much, usually. Not doing gonk shit, sure, but not like she couldn't have taken a lot more precautions. 'Xept now, she couldn't stop thinkin' about it now. Felt like there was danger everywhere, now, when she paid attention. And then there was V. Tygers, all the other shit they'd gone thru earlier? She hadn't really gotten it till now. This was a day at the office for V. Only difference was V went in the office knowin' somebody was gonna try to smoke her. Went in on purpose.
It shoulda scared her that was V's life. The little she'd been able to piece together told her it hadn't been all that safe before, either, but after the Relic, seemed everything was big, and only gettin' bigger. But that's exactly how fucked up the city was. She felt better 'cause V chose danger. Not like everybody didn't know somebody shot up 'cause they were one step in the wrong place, one second at the wrong time. Another, and they'd gotten home to BD's or whatever brain-rot they checked out on. Not like she herself hadn't had to pull her gun way too often to remember. And she was a smut scroll queen. Who didn't like smut?
Also made it clear that it wasn't her job. There was some kinda reflex thought that tried to make her feel bad 'cause she wasn't gonna make it a habit going places guns blazin' side by side with her girl even though she could've, to a point… but she knew better than that. She knew V knew better, too, wasn't a sidekick she needed. There was something Judy could do to help, anyway. Just had to figure it out. Fuck, maybe some day was even gonna be V tryna figure out how to help her do her job.
Wasn't half bad around computers at least, Judy thought, small grin playing on her lips. Might need a lil' work on the other side of the scroller.
She put the box on a shelf where it looked like V didn't keep any important stuff. Tomorrow.
She'd kinda waited for the other shoe to drop all day. That at some point, she'd realize this was a horrible idea no matter how she felt. Every time she'd cared for somebody, it'd gone wrong somehow. And now she found herself in love with a dying woman. A dyin' merc, hunted by one of the biggest Corps in the world. More in love than anything had ever prepared her for. Some point she'd figure out she'd let her temper and her heart get the best of her, again, and her brain'd catch up. Some point she'd know this was a mistake.
Never did.
Just kept feeling.
She'd stayed on the pier for a little bit after V'd swung the car around and driven off in a wild tailslide that had left Judy cackling. She figured it meant V might've actually been serious about trying to take a few less risks.
Had made her think about how well she felt like she knew V. Not close to everythin', shit, she'd just found out her name now. But the important stuff. Like the gonk was just, kinda… good. Not naïve. Just… however she could be, in Night City. Always. None of the mask dropping, real nature showing through, like she'd afterwards known she'd seen with Maiko. And everybody else.
Seemed like she shouldn't have known. Not till she realized how much time they'd spent together over the last couple months when she started counting it up. She just hadn't counted it together together, before. Always been somethin' going on. All the hours V'd sat with her after Ev was gone. All the hours before that, too. Was like one day V had walked into her life like she'd been missing. And stayed, rocky start and all.
Judy had smiled to herself in the dark, swaying reflection. Probably shoulda seen this comin' right when I didn't kick her out for askin' to let a runner into my system.
The pier hadn't felt quite the same anymore. Not bad, just not the same. She hadn't gone that often anyway. Wasn't ever exactly a safe, comforting place or anything, just maybe a more familiar, simpler kinda place. Wasn't 'bout V, either, even though sitting there with her had been nice. Anywhere probably would. Mighta been that she'd been back down there in 'Bend, finally, after all these years. Fifteen? Almost half'n'half, her life. But… it hadn't been any kinda revelation. Was just about as she remembered it all, even if it dredged up some nostalgia. Simpler.
She had, at least, resolved she'd try and get through to her grandparents even though she wasn't going, right now anyway. Maybe wasn't a bad place to think about when all was said and done. When V was better. Or wasn't gonna be.
Her thoughts had kept circling back to V, but while already missing her after being gone for all of a few minutes, it had become a little more manageable when the woman left. Hadn't felt like she was about to go up in flames any moment.
One last pebble cast into the depths of the lake, she'd finished up her cig, and taken all the time she'd needed to make sure the scroll from last night had come out okay before carefully disassembling the setup and loading it up in her van to head back to the city.
Part of her wished that she hadn't cut the scroll freaking out. That she'd have every last detail of what had happened recorded, just for V and her. Past the dive, anyway. The dive she figured she could get into shape to blow some people's minds, if the sync had worked as well as her quick skim at the raw had suggested… and if V was okay with it. There was another part of her that was kinda happy about losing the end. Like it was maybe better it was just theirs to remember. And remind each other of.
'Sides, scroll wasn't there. No amount of wishing was gonna change that.
The box safely stashed, she sipped at her soycaf, and looked around past whatever it was playing on the threevee from her seat on the couch. It felt a little weird being at V's place without V there. Bein' first time, anyway. Especially, maybe, 'cause there didn't seem to be much that was V's — other than the entire fortified room full of weapons and gear. It was just… bare, except for little touches here and there that kinda made her feel V's presence.
Maybe she should've brought her stuff over, after all. Woulda had something to do other than sit around fretting and feelin' useless. She wanted to message V again, but didn't want to disturb her even if she was sure V wouldn't have minded. She smiled to herself. Was kinda different than woulda been a couple days ago. Some practicin' to do.
She coulda stayed at Lizzie's, too, bang out some work, but wasn't exactly a great scene right now.
She'd felt the stares again when she got in. She'd hoped to make it before everyone started showing up for the night, but no such luck with how long it'd taken her to pack up and get thru traffic. They all knew it had been the right thing, anyway, they were just pissed off and projectin' it on her that they'd been too chickenshit to go all in on Clouds. Easy scapegoat, just as they woulda been first in line to the party if it'd gone right. Worst were the ones tryna stay on Susie's good side in public.
At least Rita hadn't given her shit. Made sure Susie knew too. An' Mateo been a dear, like always. Kezzy. Jules. Indra. Coupla others. Maybe it hadn't been that bad, thinkin' back. But she didn't really wanna be there, either. Shit vibes.
And it woulda been too much to tear it all down, haul it over, set it all up again, and then again. Even her home system, just for a couple days — she hoped, anyway. Was enough she'd been able to get some stuff from home. She could go to Lizzie's tomorrow. Wouldn't be that bad. Or fuck 'em if it was.
Little she'd heard, there wasn't anything The Mox was pickin' up. Kabuki, Little China, even Japantown, nothin' unusual with the Tygers. She'd always hoped Clouds was small fry to them. Not as small as she'd hoped, for sure, but… maybe that really was it. Still, even if things seemed quiet, she hadn't even had to ask Rita to come with her when she'd said she was gonna stay at V's for a bit. Hadn't been any trouble anyway, 'course, but it'd still been nice to have somebody with her. Felt shit enough havin' to run away from her own home.
They'd stopped by Rox, too, at the Med. Girl still wasn't back to the land of the livin', but outta the woods at least. Maybe in a coupla days she'd be up enough to visit for real. Judy had tried to take the last couple hours of Osakwe's shift keepin' watch outside Rox's room, but Rita had — pretty sensibly — pointed out it would hardly make it a less appealing target if it was both of them there.
And that had left her with a few hours with nothin' to do before it seemed like V was gonna be back. Nothin' to put off the thing she was gonna do last before leavin' town. Had planned to, anyway. Now, seein' as she was gonna stay around, after a little delaying detour to get food she didn't really wanna eat, she'd found herself standing in front of the very nice, very tasteful façade of the funeral parlor she'd picked. Standin' in the way of much fancier people, till she'd forced herself in to be greeted with a very nice, very tasteful expression of condolences.
She'd finally managed to save up almost enough to finish paying off the memorial for Ev. But the situation being was what it was, waiting to put together the rest was more of a risk than she wanted to take. She'd dipped into her little savings to cover the rest and get it done.
It'd taken all of five minutes till she was back out on the street with a very nice, very tasteful small box in her hand.
The plaque was already installed, right in the little sunny spot. All she'd have to do was use the shard to activate the engraving.
She hadn't been quite sure where to put the box while she drove back over to the Ten.
CW: major character death (past)
AN:
The actual title of this chapter is For You My Little Darling I'll Say Goodbye. Anyway:
Soo… if I were to tell you that this story, set to conclude timewise somewhere in the general vicinity of events that could have taken place around what could be called the ending of the game, is to be followed by two sequels in the series, would that be:
A) Terrifying
B) Awesome
C) I'm just not in a place where I'm looking for anything serious right now you know
D) Judy Judy Judy Judy Juuuudyyy Hey Jude
E) Who cares, man, autonomy is an illusion
F) Judy Judy Jude Juuuudyyyyy
