Summary: Everyone is missing and no one is taking care of Coo Phone. Daikoku-centric. Gen. Spoilers for ch 92.2
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"You want me to what?" Daikoku said.
He was standing in the garden, his apron tied around his waist and holding a watering can, while Kazuma fidgeted in front of him, nervously.
"I, ah, wanted to build a pigeon coop," Kazuma said, and Daikoku frowned and scratched his head.
"It's a gift," Kazuma said. "Yato wanted a 'cool phone, so I thought I'd get him, uh, a 'Coo phone,'" Kazuma said, and the fact that it was a clearly stupid-ass idea seemed to finally start to dawn on him, but he kept going, anyway: "I thought it would be a good gag," Kazuma said. In the cage, Coo Phone shook his feathers.
"Well why can't you train him in Takamagahara?" Daikoku said.
"Homing pigeons only work in one direction," Kazuma said, and he sat down next to the cage. "They always fly home. So let's say if Yato wanted a way for me to get into contact with him, I would take Coo Phone with me until it was time to send him a message. Once I had a message to send, I'd release him, and he would take the message and fly home." He stroked Coo Phone's head with his finger. Coo Phone closed its eyes and cooed happily.
"I still don't get why you need to train him here," Daikoku said.
"Because Coo Phone is for Yato, and this is Yato's-" home, he was about to say, but he seemed to realize the fucking minefield he was about to plow into and quickly changed course, "-temporary base of operations. In any case, this is the spot Coo Phone needs to return to."
Daikoku put his hands on his hips. "Who's gonna feed him?"
"Well I would, of course," Kazuma said.
"And who's gonna clean the bird shit that ends up on my porch?"
"I'll be hiding him with a spell, you won't even be aware of him. And you won't be aware of me either as I cannot risk Yato seeing me training him."
Daikoku scratched his head. "I gotta ask my lady," Daikoku said.
xXx
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"Ahhh! Daikoku! This is so exciting! I've never seen a Coo Phone before!"
His lady spun around the pigeon coop, hands gripping the cage and making the bird flap nervously.
"Oi. You're scarin' him. Leave him be," Daikoku said. He picked up Kofuku by the neck of her shirt and set her down behind him.
"So you're certain you can take care of him?" Kazuma asked. Daikoku snorted.
"Every time I come out here it smells like bird shit." Daikoku picked up the bird, who flapped its wings and settled in his hand. "If ya let me do it, I can clean it out better."
The bird was a pain in his ass. Every morning, at some ungodly hour before the sun would rise, Kazuma would come tramping around his lady's courtyard, knocking into the wooden pen and doing god-knows-what with the pigeon. "You keep messin' up my seedlings," Daikoku said to him, after Kazuma had stopped by to check on them. "I'm tryin' to plant tomatoes and your stupid ass keeps stepping on them."
"Oh! My apologies," Kazuma said, and Daikoku palmed his forehead.
Things didn't get any better after Yato got the gift. Yato danced with the bird, sang with the bird, played with and dressed up the bird, but the dumbass kept forgetting to feed the bird, and Daikoku would sigh magnificently and change out Coo Phone's water.
"Why dontcha make Yukki do it?" Kofuku said. She was hanging off of Daikoku's shoulder, watching as he meticulously cleaned Coo Phone's pen.
Daikoku grunted. "Kid's busy studyin' with Hiyori."
"Kids have pets though, right?"
"It ain't a pet, it's a fuckin' smart phone."
"Coo Phone," Kofuku said. Daikoku groaned.
xXx
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Both Kazuma and Yato have been missing for a few weeks now.
Early morning. Daikoku rose, then made his way toward the garden. It was still dark outside, the early morning cast with a blue hue, just before sunrise. He walked over to Coo Phone's pen, opening the door and reaching into the cage.
Coo Phone cooed. It hopped onto Daikoku's palm, shaking its feathers.
"No one's playin' with ya, huh?" Daikoku said. The pigeon cooed again and Daikoku absently stroked his head. Before, Yato would dote on the stupid bird like a cherished family friend, and Yukine would amuse himself by writing messages that would be intercepted by Hiyori.
But Hiyori stopped coming over, Yukine was gone, and Kazuma and Yato were all missing. Even his lady babbled some weird excuse about having to help out Ebisu, before she and Take and Tenjin suspiciously went out.
The night before, there was an explosion. Daikoku rushed outside and saw what looked like a fireball exploding in the night sky. Someone was fighting somewhere. It made Daikoku itch, not knowing what the hell was going on, being alone with everybody missing. At the very least he was with Coo Phone.
"You're a shitty bird, ya know that?" Daikoku said. The bird closed its eyes as Daikoku stroked the top of its head. He gave Coo Phone one last stroke, before letting him perch on his shoulder.
