A/N: Hey guys! Here's another surprise upload (I like keeping you on your toes) ft. Beca and Chloe. Next update will most definitely be on Sunday as I'm busy both tomorrow and Saturday.
Also, chapter 7 and 8 were supposed to be together. Chapter's 9 and 10 as well (kinda' like how there were two rounds of the riff-off for chapter 6), but I ended up splitting them apart because it was easier to manage/write for me. Because of that, this fic will no longer have 25 chapters. It will have 27 chapters all in all. Just wanted to update y'all.
Comments and reviews are always appreciated.
I don't own pitch perfect.
Coming from the high of a somewhat successful riff-off and preliminary rounds for the special iteration of the Worlds, Chloe thought that maybe things would slowly go back to the way they were.
The Bellas group chat was as alive as ever, video calls were constantly scheduled, and everyone was in such high spirits in the beginning of the following months. It helped that a week since going back to their normal lives, the judges for the competition sent out the details for their special second round against DSM. A Halloween acapella medley face off, with both teams required to incorporate Michael Jackson's "Thriller" into their performance. Ideas were abound, even Beca, who was typically busy, volunteered to mess around with some preliminary set lists. The Halloween Bash will be in Atlanta, with the specifics for the event going to be sent out to them a month before.
The former team captains – Beca, Emily, Aubrey, and Chloe – scheduled separate video calls for themselves to try and brain storm ideas, combine their strengths and expertise with each other to beat out the competition. They wanted the perks, even if it wasn't the jaw-dropping main prize, and the bragging rights. They were the Barden Bellas after all. They beat DSM once, they can beat them again.
However, the month of enthusiasm that followed their successful stint in the prelims eventually ran out of days, and real life caught up to them. Soon, the Bellas were struggling to keep the video calls on the regular. Some got postponed, some required some rescheduling, always missing out a member or two due to conflicts. Finalizing the set list was a struggle, and they can't exactly fine tune things and figure out what's working or not when they can't all be in the same room together. They had to get creative with practice. One that was broken up into pieces based on whoever was available to attend. Nailing down the choreography proved to be an even bigger challenge. There was only so much video call technology can provide in assisting them all in perfecting it.
What annoyed Chloe even more? Beca. She was always busy with something, interrupted by either Theo or Rhian or Gus. She was right there, across her screen, Chloe having an opportunity to re-establish old bonds, ones that at times she felt never broke. But with Beca always being distracted by a project, a recording, an interview, an event, or whatever else commitment she's made, Chloe couldn't help but feel the distance that's grown between them. Beca was there, her image at least, with Chloe finding it difficult to reach out and touch her, feel her presence at least.
The few days they shared during Amy's wedding and the riff-offs were a blessing. But Chloe couldn't help but want more. It was like she was starved of contact with Beca, and the fear that she was falling down her list of priorities – of the people that matter to her – wasn't helping Chloe at all.
Because she didn't want to just be some old friend from college, or a former roommate.
She wanted more.
And really, whose fault is it that? Chloe asked herself as she slumped down her couch, exhausted from another day of work. Summer had come, and the months have passed. The reality of how things were going with the competition and how the Bellas could reconnect were failing her expectations.
Was growing up ever as hard is this?
Somehow, she couldn't let go of her sentiments about how perfect life had been at Barden. It wasn't ideal, but it was as sweet as a dream could be. She wasn't with Beca in a way she wanted to be, but at least she had her near.
Chloe groaned. It pained her to admit it, but she was jealous of Beca's work and success. Not in the way most people would. She was jealous of how much it took her away from Chloe.
But oh well, there was always tomorrow to look forward to. In Chloe's case, she meant it literally. Beca would be in Atlanta for four days. The famous artist-slash-DJ-slash-music producer extraordinaire was going to be split up between work commitments and working with Stacie, Aubrey, and Chloe. She was already dreading Aubrey going all full commander-mode that she'd end up eating up whatever free time Beca had, but Chloe would rather have Beca physically near and around her sphere over the distance that Chloe could increasingly feel between them. That damned distance that shouldn't have ever been there in the first place.
But those four days proved even more trying for Chloe than the past few months of simply circling around Beca's orbit all because of the one thing that still bound them together. Being once a Barden Bella.
It wasn't Beca's fault. She tried. As soon as she got to Atlanta, the first thing Beca did was seek out Chloe. Okay, maybe not the first thing, because Beca had work commitments to fulfill the moment her private plane had landed. But the first thing that Beca did after that was to seek out Chloe for sure.
Beca looked like an excited puppy, surprising even Chloe when she all but ran towards her for a hug, one that lasted for a good five minutes of just standing still – Chloe knows, she counted each treasured second that passed – before Rhian, who was with Theo, Rob, and Gus behind them, reminded Beca that they were in the streets of some apartment complex near midtown and not in the privacy of her hotel suite. Beca grumbled before reluctantly letting Chloe go. It was followed by a lengthy lecture of people can see the way she was behaving publicly, that she had an image to maintain, and that she shouldn't cling so tightly onto Chloe... Chloe tuned out the rest of it for the most part, but Rhian kept up with the lecture as they made their way into the building and up the floor to where Chloe's apartment was. Beca seemed like she was simply ignoring Rhian too, making faces as she reached out to link her arms with Chloe in defiance.
Chloe had hoped that was the good beginning of Beca's short trip. But so far it proved to be the peak. The next few days have been extra trying for her.
Beca was behaving a little differently than usual, like something had been on her mind. She was constantly trying to talk to Chloe or at least find some time for the two to be alone. But alas, that never did happen. After their brief reunion, Beca, as Chloe feared, had pretty much been monopolized by Aubrey. A lot was riding on the competition – money that could help out most of the Bellas, especially after the pandemic – so Chloe understood why Aubrey wanted to make the most of Beca's time to perfect the set list and get everything squared off for their performance and costumes. That was very much understandable.
Theo bugging Beca about projects, also understandable. Gus too.
Rhian constantly reminding Beca how to act in public, capturing incredibly choreographed photos of the former co-captains at work so she could post it on Beca's social media – which, Chloe had to admit, she didn't realize that Rhian had pretty much full control of – was irritating at best. She let that slip too, admitting to herself that there's just so much she doesn't know going on behind the scenes of the lives of the rich and famous.
The fact that Beca constantly got mobbed every time they finally seemed to have alone time on top everything else? Yeah, that was pretty much the tipping point for Chloe.
She barely got Beca for half a day on the first day. They couldn't spend time alone in her apartment because Aubrey kept popping by. Beca had the idea of just grabbing dinner out at a really nice restaurant, just the two of them, to catch up, but then someone recognized Beca and asked for a picture. That's fine. But at some point everyone in the restaurant wanted a picture with her, some overstayed the welcome and decided to chat her up. The fans were okay, Chloe found it endearing whenever they'd compliment Beca and the so-called badass DJ would blush and stay humble. What annoyed Chloe the most were the pompous arrogant jerks who kept trying to chat Beca up and ask her out, or the incredibly self-absorbed trust fund kids who kept asking Beca if she was seeing "that hot artist" she got to work with six months ago, or some other DJ, performer, or model. The idea of Beca shacking up with some pretty boy – or girl for that matter, though no one ever asked that specifically – was driving Chloe insane. She was ready to deck the next guy who thought he was all that special to ask Beca out. Beca was mostly polite and kept to a script – from what Chloe could tell – of what to say in response to each question. It was as if she was anticipating each and every one of them. In the end, they barely got a word in with each other.
Day two wasn't much different. Most of Beca's work commitments were on day two so Chloe didn't get to see her much that day. Beca invited Chloe, Stacie, and Aubrey back in her hotel suite that evening for dinner – courtesy of the hotel's room service – and to continue working on the kinks for the Bellas performance. Stacie brought Bella with her and that was enough to entertain Rob, Gus, and Theo who appointed themselves her babysitter. Rhian mostly worked and left them alone. For a while, Chloe was left to relive moments she thought she'd never get to see again after graduating from Barden. But that went on until the early morning. Stacie, Bella, and Aubrey stayed in the pullout bed in the suite's living area. Beca's people all went to their separate rooms. Beca once again invited for Chloe to bunk with her in her bed, wanting to talk to her about something, but as soon as Chloe finished getting ready for bed, Beca was fast asleep, exhausted from the day she's had.
Enter day three, where Beca had a few morning meetings at the old label company she worked with, Residual Heat. Beca had most of the day free after that, asking if Chloe had a busy day of work ahead of her. She did, which was disappointing, but Beca once again managed to surprise her by sweet-talking her way into just chilling at the vet clinic. She managed to ditch Theo, Gus, and Rhian. Rob was the only one with her, and he waited outside. The other vets kept her in the back, at the break room, and Beca "I hate small talks" Mitchell ended up chatting with Chloe's coworkers, got some work done, and patiently waited for Chloe.
"Maybe we should just do dinner at your place," Beca had told her as they left, reminding Chloe of what happened the last time they went out.
But, of course, Aubrey got all panicky about not having perfected their set enough – really, the set was fine, the real problem was how they can practice it – or if they needed to add or remove parts, change anything at all. Chloe and Beca ended up at Aubrey and Stacie's apartment instead, pizza being called in for delivery instead of a quiet night in. Beca got to play with Bella a bit during their down time, something that Chloe thought was adorable, but it was pretty much back to work once again, even calling Emily in on a surprise video call.
At some point, Chloe excused herself and told Beca to just drop by whenever she was finished with Aubrey. Her best friend looked apologetic, promising Chloe they just needed to go over a few more things and then Beca was all hers.
An hour and a half pass and still no Beca. Somewhere deep in Chloe's mind, she truly believed, at least once upon a time, that no matter what happened, she and Beca would be inseparable. That already proved false. But she also believed that things would never get out of hand, that the thing that happened during Beca's senior year at Barden when she was all checked out because of the pressure of the Worlds and her internship would never take her away from Chloe again.
For her part, Beca was doing her way to keep that true.
But life seemed to have other plans.
Tired of waiting and wanting to quiet down the irrational thoughts of her mind, Chloe decided to start playing on the keyboard in her living room. The keyboard belonged to the one and only Beca Mitchell, it was something she had left behind when she moved out and moved onto the bigger and brighter things in life. At first Chloe kept to old pieces she knew when she was younger and had piano lessons. They soon turned to old songs she loved, then they morphed to the ones she sang with the Bellas and with Beca as another half hour was about to come to pass, until she started playing and singing songs that simply reminded her of Beca and best expressed the frustrations starting to overwhelm her.
Oh look, I don't wanna feel like somebody
But nothing else ever feels like your body
'Cause we held the world, we were turning it
For a moment there, it was permanent
Because what was she thinking? That the world would stop and still? That it would start running in reverse to bring back those days she missed? The ones she kept safe, locked up in her heart, and treasured the most?
Or that things now would suddenly follow the same trajectory of the good old days? That even when she and Beca weren't exactly together, she would be the one that held all of her attention? Because Jesse was right when they spoke in Amy's wedding, even when Beca Mitchell had a boyfriend, her first priority had always been Chloe. She always made time for her, she was on top of the list of those most important for Beca. She didn't have to compete with fans, or work, or anything else that made Chloe feel for the first time in her life that she was the one getting left behind.
As if the fears she held years back, the ones that kept her rooted in Barden, were finally coming to pass.
I drive the streets when you told me your secrets
We made mistakes, but we both didn't mean it
And we held the world, we were turning it
For a moment there, it was permanent
"I'm glad you're putting that old thing to good use," Chloe heard. Her fingers stilled on top of the smooth keys and turned to find Beca smiling apologetically in her front door.
"Aren't you coming in?" Chloe asked.
"I just wanted to make sure you still want me to be here," Beca replied weakly as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. "Sorry, I just have a feeling you're upset."
"I'm not," Chloe lied. Beca was usually very dense. Yet another one of her pleasant surprises this time around was reading Chloe easily. But Chloe didn't want to admit what was upsetting her in the first place. She knew they were irrational thoughts, but she couldn't help how she felt. Not when Beca was that one thing that she's wanted the most, and everything that's happened the past five years only made things so much harder for them, when Chloe thought it would be easier.
That's why she tried to let go, to move on.
But she was so, so wrong.
How can she make up all that lost time now and remove that distance between them? How, when Beca was slowly becoming harder and harder to reach? It's not because Beca was being distant, but because of their current circumstance. They didn't even live in the same city, much less the same state. They were literally on opposite sides of the country.
Beca looked thoughtful for a minute. Chloe, afraid that Beca could see right through it, decided to change the topic. She needed to make the most of the time they had, before Beca had to go away, and that time was nearing. Beca only had one more day left. "Are you gonna be leaving soon?"
"I should be," Beca replied, "if I had anything to do tomorrow, but I didn't plan for anything that day. I had a feeling from the video calls that the Aca-Nazi had partially reawakened in Aubrey and I wanted to make sure that I had some time left I can spend with you."
Chloe smiled, "You've really levelled up your conversation skills there, Mitchell."
Beca shrugged. "It's kinda' required, Beale. Besides, the one thing I've learned the last five years is that time isn't as infinite as we thought it would be when were younger. The never-ending days have an end," Beca replied, trying to stifle a yawn. She was tired, making Chloe consider the truth behind the sentiments Beca had expressed the last time the Bellas got together. That it was all work, non-stop, the last five years.
"You should rest," Chloe replied. "You can stay here the night if you want, and we can make breakfast together. I don't have to work tomorrow."
Beca smirked. "Perfect then, waffles? Blueberry?"
Chloe chuckled, somethings never changed. "Yes, now come on," she replied, ushering Beca to her bedroom.
She let Beca change and get ready before she did. Beca was doing her best to stay awake, waiting for Chloe as she clung onto her pillows. As soon as Chloe laid next to her, Beca scooted over and cuddled with her.
"Were you always this needy?" Chloe teased.
"Shut up, I know you're loving this," Beca replied sleepily. "Besides," she went on to say, stifling yet another yawn, Beca struggling to say what she had left to say as she did her best to fight off sleep, "what I was saying earlier… I just… I don't want the days with you to end…"
"Yeah, but you're still leaving soon," Chloe replied once she knew for sure that Beca had fallen asleep in her arms. "I wish you weren't. I wish you'd stay, Becs."
Beca unexpectedly woke up earlier than Chloe did. For a little while, she decided to just stay still, studying every detail of Chloe's face which was mere inches away from Beca's. She enjoyed the fact that she had her arms around her, and that their legs were entangled with each other. She wanted to make sure she wasn't just dreaming this. Somewhere deep inside, Beca knew this was how things should be.
But then her stomach grumbled. She was starving.
Not wanting to stir Chloe awake, Beca thought she could sneak off to the kitchen and make breakfast instead. Chloe was the one who was usually up first, waking Beca up with the smell of chocolate chip pancakes or her favorite blueberry waffles. It's not like Beca was terrible at cooking. It was just that she would always end up making the easiest thing she could make. Either grabbing cereals, or making toast that she can eat as she walked out of the apartment. Sometimes, if Chloe was in a rush, she'd end up just grabbing a bagel out. Back at Barden, she had a meal pass that to care of her needs. Sometimes Flo would be in the mood to cook up a big brunch for the girls, or Jessica and Ashley would have a bake-off so there would be muffins and cupcakes already on a tray in the kitchen, ready for whoever wanted one.
Nowadays she had a personal chef prepping meals for her. During the Bellas' visit, the girls had their turns based on whoever was up first. It was a nice change for her. Chloe didn't get a turn, the two of them both seemingly lazy to get up in the morning that Aubrey had to drag them up for their riff-off drills. She was really hoping this time she could get the chance to taste Chloe's cooking again, but Beca figured she could also try turning things around. A nice gesture, perhaps. How hard could it be to try and copy Chloe's recipe?
It turns out, cooking was just not Beca's best talent. The kitchen wasn't a mess because Beca cleaned up after herself with every step of the way, but the waffles didn't turn out right. They weren't burnt, well, not all of them. They weren't bad either. They just weren't Chloe's perfectly scrumptious ones that got Beca always wanting for seconds.
Kiss you each morning
With strawberry skies
'Cause I get so lost in
Your blueberry eyes
I'm running through my dreams to
See you in the light
'Cause I get so lost in
Your blueberry eyes
Beca started singing as she tried to make another batch, one that she hoped would impress Chloe. She could eat the somewhat lackluster batch and make Chloe a better one. The two of them had all day to hang out after, so there wasn't any rush. See, Beca's got a plan. She shot a quick message to her dad the night before. They haven't exactly talked for months – Beca's really bad with keeping in touch with people – nor have they seen each other since the pandemic but she thankfully got a reply for her requests already waiting in her inbox by the time she woke up. He agreed to help her out, secure a location for her and Chloe to just be, for as long as she agreed to dinner, Chloe could come as well. Beca accepted the offer.
One song lead to another, then another. Beca used each song to time herself for each step of the process, until she finished the second batch of waffles and started plating it.
Can't we just talk?
Can't we just talk?
Talk about where we're goin'
Before we get lost
Let me out first
Can't get what we want without knowin'
I've never felt like this before
I apologize if I'm movin' too far
Can't we just talk?
Can't we just talk?
Figure out where we're goin'
"Now this is a sight I never thought I'd see," Chloe said as Beca sung, finishing up the second batch of waffles. "And how many do you intend to feed, Becs?" she asked amused.
Beca was hoping she could at least taste this batch before Chloe woke up, and decide if it was indeed better than the first. It's not like she had much choice. She couldn't make a third one given the fact that she's pretty much used up all the blueberries Chloe had. But she could at least serve Chloe the better of the two.
But Beca got distracted for a second, not able to respond right away. She had to hand it to whoever designed Chloe's apartment, because the natural lighting flooding in through the blinds in the morning definitely made Chloe look like some ethereal goddess standing in her living room right then and there, leaving her nearly speechless. "Guess I got carried away," Beca eventually managed to reply.
Chloe laughed, all amused by Beca's behavior as she pulled herself up on a stool next to her kitchen counter and grabbed the fresh plate Beca had prepared. Beca looked nervous, only ever breathing again once Chloe's face lit up after her first bite. "These are pretty good! Not bad, Becs. I suppose you've gotten a lot of practice the last couple of years."
Beca's brows kitted together. "You're really not letting that thought go, huh?" she replied, wondering what she's done to even make Chloe consider the thought of her having stupid love affairs with a parade of people, or for that matter putting in the effort of making breakfast for anyone else.
"I meant for yourself," Chloe noted with a chuckle.
"Good," Beca then said. "Because you know, you're the only one I'll even consider making breakfast for. And for your information, I hadn't have to cook for myself the last couple of years."
"Then how did you not burn down my kitchen?" Chloe threw back with a smile. Beca pretended to be annoyed by the comment before they eventually settled down to having light conversations, planning for the day ahead.
Beca called Rob afterwards with instructions on where to pick them up and where to go after breakfast. She helped Chloe clear up the dishes, and the two got ready for their day out, Chloe lending clothes for Beca to use for the day. "Maybe we should throw in a cap and a pair of sunglasses so you don't get recognized."
"That actually only draws more attention," Beca noted. "Don't worry, I've got everything figured out, Chlo."
Barden wasn't too far away from Atlanta. The drive was a reasonable half hour or so, depending on the flow of traffic. Chloe was pretty much confused as to why Beca decided to visit Barden of all places, convinced that the likelihood of Beca getting mobbed by fans would exponentially increase with visiting their alma mater.
But Beca simply smirked, unyielding to Chloe's persistent questions. They passed a few familiar buildings, some looked like they were under renovation. Soon, Rob parked the car not far from where the abandoned pool was, the one where they used to hold riff-offs for the acapella teams at Barden. Chloe's curiosity was piqued even more about what they were doing there.
"My dad mentioned that they've been doing many renovations at Barden, sprucing up the place. I asked if the abandoned pool was still abandoned and, well, he pointed out that it was. Students are avoiding the place for now because of the construction work being done around the nearby buildings. I thought this would be the perfect place to just hang out for a bit. Besides, the university's pretty quiet with summer vacation fully underway, and only a few students stick around for the summer. Most of them are grad students busy with their own research or something at this time of the day. We could hang here for a while, go through a drive through if we get hungry, and Rob will just drive us around. We probably should avoid the Bellas house though, in case some of the new kids are home, because we'll definitely get mobbed there."
Chloe whistled impressed. "You've thought of everything."
"What part of I missed you isn't clear?" Beca asked, offering a hand to Chloe. "Now come on, we haven't had proper alone time since we've seen each other again. Let's make the most of this, Chlo."
Chloe smiled lightly, accepting Beca's hand. They found themselves sitting by the edge of the abandoned pool, reminiscing for a little while about the memories they've made at Barden before eventually talking about bits and pieces of their life in New York that they also missed.
The conversation flowed between them naturally, Chloe mostly continuing her questions about Beca's life now. Beca was careful and treaded lightly on matters she couldn't really discuss. The truth was, as much as she loved living her dream, succeeding and surviving the music industry wasn't as simple as she thought. She was thankful that she met the right people at the right time. That helped her get started and established, introducing her to others who helped sorted out contracts, deals, and the legalities of the business side of things. It's because she met good people, that's why she hasn't fallen off the deep end.
There were parts of the business she never agreed with, things she weren't willing to do in exchange for fame. It saved her from following the more destructive path some artists end up on, but Beca found herself working twice as hard to keep up with the ever changing tides of the wills and wants of her new world.
Beca, for her part, also asked Chloe her own questions. About the life she lived now, her job, her usual routines, and how she's getting on at Atlanta. She avoided the ones relating to any potential romantic interests. Beca never thought of herself as the jealous type, she never was with Jesse, so it was a surprise awakening for her to realize just how much she wanted to hate Chicago, or any partners Chloe might have had the past few years that Beca whipped up in her active imagination. Chloe ended up answering the question lingering in Beca's mind either way, pretty much explaining how she's just mostly dedicated her time to finishing vet school after breaking up with Chicago, then her job and helping babysit Bella.
"Still doubt no one tried charming you through their pets," Beca found herself commenting.
"Maybe some did, I just never paid much attention," Chloe commented. "But I could say the same for you. Some artists are always on the news cycle for a romance, especially when they have a big project coming up with other artists. The only thing I ever hear about you are either work, or fans trying to figure out your mysterious private life."
Beca chuckled. "Yet another thing you should probably know, Chlo, those news cycles on romance near a big project? That's all PR. Thankfully, Rhian has managed to keep selling the mystery angle that I don't have to get into a contractual relationship with someone."
"They're not real?" Chloe pressed on.
"Nope," Beca replied, shaking her head. "Some specifically note in the contracts if their willing to have sex with each other for legalities sake from what I've learned, but anything more than a physical relationship isn't really true. The ones in the gossip sites aren't either, usually a PR agent from an artist sends them the story to print. Fabricated to promote an album or drum up interest for a new single. Don't get me wrong. Some relationships in the industry are real, and sometimes fake ones become real, but they're rare. Everything's all business."
"Huh, well maybe it's just 'cause Rhian wants you for herself," Chloe then teased. "you know, that's why she is entertaining the mystery angle."
"Highly doubt that," Beca said, dismissing Chloe's guess. Rhian was like Amy. She's got her men all wrapped up in her fingers.
"Maybe Theo asked her," Chloe then pressed on.
This time Beca laughed. If Theo ever liked her, he never said anything, probably because he figured out Beca's feelings for Chloe before she even did. He's been a good bro at best.
"Seriously, nothing?" Chloe persisted to ask.
Beca shook her head. "You know, Chlo, if you were that interested in solving the mystery of my life the past five years, you could have just called. You had my number."
Chloe looked thoughtful for a minute. "Well, you never did either."
Beca bit her lip and nodded. The answer was real simple. It was because of her pride. Just the thought of Chloe being with Chicago hurt, and Beca couldn't risk it. Old habits prevailed, and she withdrew behind her walls, afraid to give that power of getting her heart broken to Chloe.
But that's not what Beca said. She didn't want to just dump all that on Chloe in one go. "It was just easier," Beca at the very least admitted. "I didn't want to disturb anything in your life," she went on to say, hinting at Chloe's past with Chicago. "I needed you, Chlo, but when the messages stopped, when you checking in became less and less, I just figured you've probably moved on with your life too. I didn't want to prove to myself that was true. Your excuse?"
Chloe looked away, casting her glance far down the bottom of the empty pool. "I don't know. I guess… At the end of the tour, the Bellas were all going their separate ways, and you were given an opportunity of a lifetime. I was afraid I'd end up being the one who held you back, because I needed you too, Becs. I wasn't sure if I could handle sharing you with... I just didn't feel like I still fitted in your ever growing world."
"But you are, Chlo…" Beca instantly let slip upon hearing what Chloe said. She froze for a second when she realized that she nearly told Chloe that she was her world, so of course she would fit. She wanted to talk to Chloe about what she felt, sure, but in that moment she felt that four letter word get caught up in her throat, threatening to just slip out. While Beca knew the truth, she just wasn't ready to say that word out loud, at least not yet. She never even said it to Jesse during the time they dated, she always found ways of going around it, saying "ditto" or "right back at you" when Jesse would profess his love for her.
But with Chloe, it was very hard to keep those words locked up inside Beca.
"I mean, you still do… fit," she backtracked. "I can't imagine it without you at all," she let herself admit as much. This was her way of taking baby steps to get there. She wanted to start somewhere small. She wasn't sure she was ready to take a giant leap yet, especially when she wasn't even sure how Chloe would respond. But she wanted to let Chloe know just how important she was to her.
Chloe looked at her, a mix of surprise and interest lingering in her eyes. For a minute, Beca thought Chloe would ask her what she meant.
But that moment never happened. Rhian and Theo found them.
Beca may or may not have originally thought that it would be best for them not to know where they were.
The interruption couldn't be helped. Theo needed Beca for something urgent that came up, and it was back to work for a while.
Theo, Gus, Rob, and Rhian – who didn't look too pleased with Beca at the moment – ended up joining Chloe and herself for dinner at her father's place. Her dad was thankfully a gracious host, initiating most of the conversations that night with Beca's people, Sheila, her step-mother, and Chloe.
Beca didn't feel like having dessert so she excused herself for some fresh air, she needed a moment to clear her thoughts. At that point, her father was in a deep conversation with Chloe, catching up with her and asking about what the rest of their friends were up to. Sheila, on the other hand, was incredibly curious about the work that Theo and the rest did.
She was disappointed that her day with Chloe got hijacked, again, but perhaps it was for the best. She could still feel her heart beating rapidly out of her chest, ready to explode. Her earlier conversation with Chloe took a turn for what Beca was hoping for, but when the moment came, so did her nerves. A part of her wanted to get it over with, and get things out in the open. But it also proved to be easier said than done. Just looking at Chloe felt like it charged the air around them with electricity, everything coming to a standstill. The mere passing moment turning into what felt like eternity, and Beca could feel herself holding her breath. As if she was walking on a tightrope, and either she makes it to the other side or she falls completely. The feeling had caught her off guard.
They'd be crossing the Rubicon, after all. No turning back the moment they lay their feelings bar.e
"Whatever you're thinking, Beca, I hope you've actually thought everything through," she then heard Rhian say, as she joined her at the porch.
"Huh?"
"Chloe," Rhian said. "If you decide to step out in the light with her, pursue a relationship... I hope you know it's not going to be easy. The industry can pretend to be 'woke' for as much as it wants, but it doesn't change the fact that the execs at the top are the same assholes you'd want to punch in the face because of the opinions they have for the way you feel for the girl."
"I…" Beca started to say, both confused and impressed that Rhian figured it out.
"Beca, even the blind can see what you feel for her. You're usually guarded around people, you only ever relax around people you trust and even then, sometimes you're hard to read. You wear your heart on your sleeves around Chloe. Besides, you do remember that it's literally part of my job to read people," Rhian then said. "And also my job to ask you if you're sure. Because I know you, you won't even consider a PR relationship for bearding purposes."
"I don't want to hide who I am, or the person I love," Beca replied before looking back at Rhian surprised.
There it was.
The word slipped. So easily too.
Rhian seemed to ignore her reaction though, and went straight to the point. "Yeah, but consider things, please. You'd be risking a lot, and you'd put Chloe under the spotlight too. Under the scrutiny of the public. Most of your fans are great, but some would undoubtedly have opinions."
Beca wanted to argue against it, but then her dad called them back for some tea or coffee before they leave. Beca agreed, she was feeling a mix assortment of things with what Rhian had said, that she was afraid she might end up actually arguing with her. The two of them usually got along well, Rhian was a master of her craft after all, and she knew how to play the game Beca wanted to play to avoid all the politics and the usual BS that came with the business.
But what Rhian said got under her skin.
She knew she was just being upfront with Beca, but it still troubled her.
Chloe ended up staying the night with her at her suite after dinner. It was Beca's last night in Atlanta. She was going straight to England for some collaborations in the afternoon of the next day. Chloe tried to reopen their earlier conversation, but by then Beca was distracted.
She wanted Chloe back in her life so much, she forgot to consider what could happen next. What if, by some miracle, Chloe felt the same way for her, and they decide to give it a go? What then? She hadn't even thought about how much her life now could affect Chloe's, how the demands of her work, of her label, could impact any budding romance with her.
Chloe sensed that something was bugging her but when Beca didn't want to talk about it, she decided to stir the conversation to something different. To music, and to the things that Beca always loved to talk about.
They ended up listening to some of her old mixes together – Chloe's all-time favorites – until they fell asleep. But Beca couldn't really relax much, tossing and turning most of the night.
At one point, her frustrations got the best of her, and Beca sat up on the bed, her knees pulled up to her chest, head in her hands. She didn't want Chloe to get hurt, or to put under a microscope. She didn't want to hide Chloe away like some dirty little secret either. That wasn't who Beca was, and not something she would ever consider doing.
But Beca wasn't kidding when she said she needed Chloe. She was the only thing Beca wanted. The only one she wanted to be with.
She felt torn.
Beca glanced to her side, watching Chloe sleep, her back turned to Beca. She hated that she'd have to leave when the morning comes and that so much uncertainty lay ahead of them after all the time it took for her to get to this moment. To realize what she felt for her. To hope that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that they could be together the way Beca wanted.
She took a deep breath to calm herself. For the moment, she still had Chloe next to her. This wasn't the end. Beca would have time to sort things out in her head, and when she's sure of what to do next, she would take the plunge. She would tell Chloe how she felt.
Beca slid back down and instantly pulled Chloe closer to her, burying her face in her back. Chloe stirred a little, surprised by Beca's sudden movement, and turned around to hold Beca in her arms. Beca rested her head on Chloe's chest while Chloe nuzzled sleepily down on the crown of Beca's hair. The sound of Chloe's heartbeat was enough to calm her down.
She had a lot of thinking to do.
But for now, Beca just wanted to hold onto Chloe for as long as she can.
A/N Pt2: Well that took a turn to angst-town. I swear, for the most part, this fic should be lighthearted? Even I'm confused how we got here. I started writing with the Barden pool scene in mind and then half an hour later we're here. The songs in the chapter were also unplanned, to be honest. Anyways, there will always be humor, I promise.
Not gonna lie, I was almost planning to just copy paste the lyrics to "Never Gonna Give You Up" for this chapter (because of the title) and then throw in a link to a 1-hour loop of the video to Rickroll y'all after the author's note.
Wouldn't that be funny if I did? XD
The actual songs in the chapter are Permanent (by Kygo ft. JHart), Blueberry Eyes (by Max ft. Suga of BTS), and Talk (by Khalid).
The link below is the updated playlist. No, Rick Astley is not part of the playlist, and the link most definitely does not lead you to the 1-hour loop, I promise! Scientist's honor!
www dot youtube dot com slash playlist?list=PLEbWZQ6nwYXxFjX9z3vft3leEz7dN9K_5
Hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. Next one's gonna feature DSM (and the Halloween Bash). I'm not yet sure if I want to include their performance or just talk about it via the Bellas. We shall see…
