WhatTheHeck23: I revealed Mike's personalities early because it would be way longer in a twenty six episode season, and that would be so boring of the same routine, plus Mike needs development. Staci was nothing more than villain fodder to me.
AnonBroswer: Godplaying is very annoying to me. Lightning is still very funny, I love the stupid guy.
Full Metal Drama
Your commander tells you that this work is unofficial! I demand you go watch the official product, and that's an order!
"Last time, on Total Drama Action." Chef said, as the episode opened up with a clip of the last episode. "As the contestants attempted to survive some natural disasters, that fat guy got his jaw broken." Chef Hatchet narrated, the clip of Sam having his jaw broken was shown. "Then later on, the tall scrawny kid saved everybody or something, I wasn't paying attention." The clips ended, and Chef was in his military outfit, and was revealed to be reading from a script. "Well in case you haven't noticed, I don't need to know what happened last episode! Because I'm the host now!" The new host yelled. "Buckle up, because today we're going through some brutal training, here on Total Drama Action!" Unlike Chris, Chef didn't build up the title as climatically.
(Cue intro)
The camera faded inside the guy's trailer, as Brick's military alarm went off again. Brick slammed his fist on the alarm, and jumped out of bed in a good mood. "Good morning everybody, ready to start the day?" Brick asked excitedly.
Unlike the first time, it appeared that everybody else was up too, as they have gotten used to it by now. "Good mourning army guy! Thanks for waking Lightning up today, he needs to remind himself to take his protein in the mourning now!" Lightning opened his jar of protein, only to scream at the top of his lungs. "Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!"
XXX
"Lightning doesn't exactly know why Anne Maria doesn't like him much anymore." The jock questioned. "If there's one thing Lightning does know, it's that muscles are incredibly attractive. That's why I've been eating more protein."
XXX
"Dude, sounds like a shaman warlock cast a screaming spell on you." Sam said, not even paying attention, as he was too busy playing his video game.
"Lightning was robbed!" Lightning yelled.
"What did they take? Your weapons or your armor?" The couch potato asked.
"My protein powda." Lightning wined.
"Oh that is… totally worth freaking out over. Probably." Sam just continued to ignore the jock.
"Scoopy." Lightning said. "I will find the monster who did this. Lightning swears it!"
"You named the scoop?" Mike asked.
"Come on man, I'm sure Chef's food will do just fine." Scott reassured.
"Fine? Just fine? You think something can replace Lightning's protein?" Lighting questioned angrily.
"At ease soldier, I'll help you find your protein." Brick told Lighting.
"Whatever, for all I know you probably stole it!" Lightning stormed off outside the trailer.
/
"Welcome to today's challenge soldiers." Chef introduced. "Today, we'll be doing one of the hardest challenges, in your lifetime, so you better hope you're in shape or you'll have to suffer!" Mr. Hatchet threatened.
"I'm liking this challenge already." Jo said.
"Move it privates! Your first war movie challenge is about to start!" The military instructor demanded.
XXX
"I'm so excited for this challenge!" Brick exclaimed, to nobody's surprise. "I've always wanted to enlist in the army, and now is my chance to work side by side with some of my favorite teammates!"
XXX
"I'm so excited for the challenge today!" Brick said out loud, right in Jo's earshot.
"Yeah, so am I. I'm guessing the whole military theme is what you're excited for?" Jo asked.
"Yes ma'am! I'm ready to show my country why I love it so dearly!" The cadet explained.
"Well, I bet I can do it better, and much faster too." Jo bragged.
Brick glared. "Oh really? Anything you can do, I can do better and more noble!"
"I could do that without having my teammates slow me down!" Jo taunted.
"Well I could do it with my teammates pulling their weight!" Brick declared.
Jo just stared daggers at Brick. "Fine then, we'll just see who comes out on top."
/
"Ok maggots, you can remove your blindfolds!" Chief Hatchet yelled. Mike, Zoey, Anne Maria, Jo, and Brick all removed their blindfolds. "Back when I was in the war, jumping out of a plane was the first thing I did. Naturally, it's your first challenge!" Chef yelled, everybody gasped.
"That's fine, jumping off heights isn't so scary." Brick nervously stated. "Especially when we have parachutes." At that moment, Chef dumped all the parachutes off the plane but one of them, which he used to jump down with.
"You know what?" Anne Maria asked. "There's only one way out of this plane, and I say we get it over with!" She demanded. "Isn't that right Lightning?"
Lightning, who was looking oblivious to the situation. "Uh yeah! I can do that! Lightning can do anything!" The jock hyped himself up. "Sha-ahhhhhh!!!!!!" Lightning screamed while he fell off the plane, the other contestants gasped.
"Ok, there's no way I'm letting Jockstrap beat me!" Jo complained. "Come on Sam, let's get to jumping."
"Wait no!" Sam protested. "I don't want to jump out of this plaaaaaaaaannnnneee!!!!" Sam yelled, but his weight ended up being the plane's downside, as when he fell off the plane, it shifted in a way it shouldn't have, and everybody slid out of their seats and out the door, completing the challenge all at once.
After a moment of screaming, a few people opened their eyes. "Hey look, we're alive!" Mike said, causing everybody else to breathe a sigh of relief, as it was revealed that the plane wasn't even off the ground.
A slow clap from Chef was heard, making everybody look in his direction. "Congratulations on being chickens!" Chef complimented. Killer Grips, because you did a better job at getting your team out of the plane, you win the first part of the challenge." Jo looked smugly at Brick, Brick just sighed.
/
Chef uncovered a tarp, which had grenades and rockets under it. "Grenades? I can get down with that." Scott noted.
"We have decided the camp into two halves." Chef said. "Whoever has the most creative, and controlled splatter wins."
"Talk about a challenge made for me!" Jo said, picking up a handful of bombs.
"If you need any help, just remember that I have a very high score on Luigi Paint." Sam told Jo.
"Thanks for the offer, I'll keep that in mind."
/
"Ok soldiers, today, I, Brick Mcarthor, will instruct you all on how we will do this challenge." Brick told his team, who didn't really seem to care besides Dawn. "How are we going to do this exactly?" Brick whispered to Dawn.
"What we need to do is lay the explosives in a wide interlocking pattern to ensure maximum paint coverage." Dawn explained.
"Brilliant plan Dawn!" Brick complimented. "Alright, let's get to it guys!"
"Lightning has no energy though." Lightning complained. "He can't do nothin without his protein."
"Exactly, and I need to fix my hair, but I can't do that without my hairspray!" Anne Maria said.
"You had your stuff stolen too?" Lightning pointed out.
"Yes! My tan in a can is gone too!" She whined.
"Grrr, somebody must have it out for Lightning and his girlfriend!" Lightning exclaimed.
"How many times do I have to tell you? We're not dating yet!" Anne Maria got angry at the jock. "It's gonna take a little more than a kiss to get to me!"
"We'll just so you know, I didn't steal any of your stuff." Scott commented. "It can't be me because I had my lucky underwear stolen!"
XXX
"Ok, I didn't bring too many valuables with me that people knew about, and I had to get creative." Scott defended himself. "Pfft, lucky underwear."
XXX
"Times up maggots!" Chef yelled. "Well, it looks like you guys haven't even started! Too bad so sad."
"Incorrect!" Brick yelled. Chef turned over to see Brick and Dawn standing in front of a large patch of land.
"Now this looks organized." Chef said. "I'm impressed, would you mind showing it off?"
/
After a bit of setting up, everybody stood behind a glass screen, where Dawn was holding a button. "Three… two… one." Dawn counted down, before pressing the button, releasing a loud explosion with so much green paint, resembling a tree.
Chef looked at the scene around him. "While I'm not that much of a fan of the final product, that was a darn good show. Next!"
/
Chef stood by the Killer Grips area, where Jo took hold of the button. "Get ready for this one to rock your socks off." Jo pressed the button, and the explosion resulted in a portrait of Chef's face.
"Is that it?" Chef asked.
"Yep." Jo answered.
"Do you really think that I'm as much of a suck up as Chris is??!!" Chef yelled at the team.
"Uhh, no Mr. Hatchet." Zoey nervously stated.
"Well it sure doesn't look like you don't!" The new host yelled at the team.
/
After a while, Chef had walked all the way back to the Screaming Gaffers's portion of the camp. "Congratulations to the Screaming Gaffers, who have won the second part of today's challenge." The Screaming Gaffers cheered at that announcement. "It is my honor to give you this reward, which is the big chest of secrets! Which you'll be defending with your very lives when we return to more Total Drama Action!"
(Cue add break)
The scene faded back to the Killer Grips in the middle of a team meeting. "Ok, we only have one more challenge, and if we lose we'll be crippled by two people. Normally I would use my whistle to get you attention but I can't seem to find it right now."
"Well, ok, we'll do our best!" Zoey said.
/
"Your next challenge will be a capture the flag style game." Chef Hatchet explained. "Except the flag is this chest full of secrets." Chef showed off the chest. "The only way to know what is in this trunk is to claim it by the end of the challenge, and have immunity."
/
"Screaming Gaffers, this place here will be your hut." Chef told the team of five. Chef ripped the tarp off the tent. "It's exactly like the one I used to use." Chef said, as he looked at the terrible shack that was falling apart. As a matter of fact, it just did fall apart.
"How are we gonna defend this chest with no base?" Lightning asked.
"Don't worry team!" Brick said. "We will put our minds together to think of the optimal solution.
"Yeah, you guys do what you want while I go set some rat traps." Scott told his team.
XXX
"No I'm not." Scott confessed.
XXX
"Alright team, get digging!" Brick instructed as he handed out shovels to everybody. "It's always a good idea to have an underground base, makes it harder for others to find you."
Now, everybody had a shovel except for Scott, as Lightning was holding two of them. "Hey what gives? I need a shovel too!" Scott requested.
"No way!" Lightning told him. "When this arm gets tired, Lightning will dig with this one!" Lightning held up two arms, using them to show off how his plan will work out. A second later, a loud clunk could be heard, as Brick, Dawn, and Anne Maria winced. Scott could be seen walking off with a shovel, as Lightning's beat up face fell to the ground.
/
"Zoey, what's going on?" Mike asked, as Zoey was watching the Screaming Gaffers did up a hole with their shovel.
"I don't exactly know, but they're all digging a hole. Except for Scott, I don't know where he went." Zoey told her team.
"Oh I think I know why!" Sam jumped up. "It's a basic stealth check, if they go underground we won't be able to detect them with our field of vision."
"Well by that logic we should attack immediately." Jo said. "They won't be able to hide that chest when we go out to get them."
"Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking." Sam agreed.
Out of nowhere, Jo suddenly pulled out a soap box and stood on it. "Now, I know we may be at a numbers disadvantage, but we can still win this! Go out there and fight for that chest!"
"Yeah!" The other three yelled.
/
"Ahhhhh!!!!!" The four Grips charged, causing the Screaming Gaffers to look at them.
"They're coming!" Dawn yelled.
"Sha-yeah!" Lightning yelled, slamming his shovel directly on Sam's head, causing him to faint.
"Man down!" Zoey screamed.
"Retreat!" Mike yelled.
/
Jo was walking back and forth, she seemed angry. Mike coughed into his fist. "Well that was short lived."
"You don't think?!!??!" Jo aggressively yelled at him.
Mike curled up in the fetal position and shook fearfully. "Hey don't scare him like that!" Zoey defended.
"Ugh, this team is such a train wreck!" Jo complained. "I should've kept Dawn and B around instead." Mike and Zoey just looked at each other annoyed.
/
After finally getting into the cover, Brick gave the roof a pat. "That'll hold them off alright. Hahaha."
"Yeah, good thinking on this hole yeah?" Anne Maria complimented.
"Say army guy?" Lightning looked around. "Where's the chest?"
After a moment of patting himself on the back, Brick opened his eyes. "Wait what? I swear we brought it in!"
"Well now it's not, and somebody has to go fetch it." Scott told him.
XXX
"Now that I have the opportunity to read Scott's aura more over the past few days, I'm not sure if I like what I'm seeing." Dawn confessed. "I'm going to need to read more into it before I confront the rest of the team though."
XXX
"As team leader, it is my duty to make up for my mistakes!" Brick announced. "I will go look for the chest, don't worry, it'll be perfectly fine!" The team leader climbed outside of the pit, leaving the rest to fend for themselves.
/
"Ahhh!!!!!" The Killer Grips charged again, Brick found the chest and attempted to bring it back.
"Four of them, one of me." Brick said to himself. "I'll be fine, I can handle them."
After two battle cries, one from Brick, the other from the Killer Grips, an all out fight broke out, and it ended as quickly as it started. Brick had been pinned by Jo, and Sam collapsed from exhaustion. Zoey looked over and tapped Mike on the shoulder. "Guys look! It's the chest!" She pointed out.
"Great! Now to lasso it in!" Mike reached into his pocket but couldn't find anything. "Wait, where's my fedora?"
"Mike it's ok! You don't need your personalities, let's just go pick it up!" Zoey reassured.
"Nice one dream team!" Jo complimented. "Let's bring it back to our side of the camp and win the challenge."
"Times up maggots!" Chef yelled out loud. "Despite the fact that the chest remains on Gaffer's soil, they have failed to defend their base, making the Killer Grips the winners!" Chef Hatchet announced, and the Killer Grips were ecstatic to hear the news. Mike and Zoey even hugged for a few seconds, though they realized what they did and looked away in awkwardness for a moment. "Now, you may open the chest."
Mike, Jo, and Zoey all gathered around the chest, and finally opened it, only to be greeted with disappointment. "All that effort." Jo began.
"All that terror." Mike continued.
"For what?" Zoey asked.
"An empty trunk!" The three said at once.
XXX
"I was the one who left the trunk outside." Scott confessed. "I knew Brick would try hard to get it and be torn to smiling pieces. Now I can get him to quit, or simply blame whoever I want with this bag of stolen treasures. What to do though?"
XXX
/
Back at the trailers, everybody was enjoying themselves. Mike and Zoey were having a chat, Sam was talking on a cell phone for some reason, Jo was doing push-ups, while Anne Maria and Lightning were arguing about something, Dawn was meditating, and Brick was looking nervous. "Hey Lightning, do you mind taking your trash out?" Scott asked as he came out of the boy's trailer. "Woah!" He cried, as he dropped the trash bag on the ground, spilling out many items that belonged to other contestants.
Lightning gasped. "My protein, I finally found you!"
Scott just looked angry. "What?!!? Don't try and ignore this, that's all of our stolen items!" The dirt farmer yelled.
"Hey he's right, that's my whistle!" Jo pointed out.
"My fedora!" Mike also said.
"The treasure from the chest!" Zoey noted, indeed, there was a large amount of gold chains in the pile.
The worst crime of all however, resulted in a metal can of hairspray, Anne Maria's hairspray. "Lightning! I thought you liked me? How could you steal that from me and expect to win my heart over?" The jersey girl cried.
Finally picking up on the situation, Lightning knew he was in trouble. "Wait no! It wasn't me! You know I love you Anne!"
"We haven't even been dating yet doll!" Anne Maria countered.
"Wait!" Brick stopped the discussion. "I volunteer myself up for elimination! I failed the challenge so I should go, simple right?"
"No!" The person who yelled that was the most surprising person who could've said that, Jo. "Get over the fact that you lost and deal with the consequences instead of chickening out!" The tomboy lectured. "I want you out the most out of anybody here, but I will not win this rivalry by you voting yourself off! That is an order!" Jo yelled, Brick gulped.
XXX
Brick rocked in the fetal position in the confessional. "Mommy."
XXX
"While I love the fact that I won the bet, that's not how I want to end my rivalries." Jo said. "I prefer watching them squirm, so I can crush them, not have them chicken out of things, and I mean it."
XXX
/
Once again, the classic gilded Chris intro played, but this time, the clips of Chris had been replaced my several scenes of Chef, focusing on him cooking, hosting the boot camp challenge, the hide and seek challenge, and even just plain yelling at people. "It's time to kick somebody off the squadron." Chef Hatchet said, this time he was wearing the military sergeant outfit like in the challenge. "Remember to cast your votes on the devices, and don't be the loser who gets voted off!" Everybody did as they were told, though only Scott seemed confident in his answer. "Time to give out the medals!" Chef said, instead he held a piece of paper, and four chocolate medals in his hands. "Medals go to Dawn, Anne Maria, and Scott, congrats soldiers." Lightning and Brick shifted in their seats nervously, they were the final two. "You two did poor today, but one was worse than the other. The final medal goes to:
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Brick, I'm proud of you."
"Sha-what!!!" Lightning cried, absolutely flabbergasted at the results. "This is a mistake, you did not just vote off your best teammate!" The jock sent a glare to each of them, they didn't seem to care all that much though. Chef put his arms around Lightning, and started dragging him off to the lamp-o-sine. "No! This is rigged against the Lightning! He never loses!" The jock was thrown into the car, and it drove off before he could get a final word in.
"Hmphf, I hate sore losers." Chef Hatchet said to himself after the van drove off.
"Thank you Chef, but I do the signing off around here." Chris interrupted, Chef looked angry and just stormed off. "Well, we've gotten rid of one of the most entertaining characters in the show, what a shame. Catch you next time on
Total!
Drama!
Action!"
/
"Man, can you think of something more stupid?" Lightning complained in the van. "Like, the woman Lightning cherished so dearly voted him off, the worst way to go." Lightning sighed. "Maybe I need to try again at this love thing, it's not a game that Lightning has to win, it's a hobby that he just needs to enjoy?" The jock thought for a little.
Votes:
Lightning 3: Brick, Dawn, Scott.
Brick 2: Lightning, Anne Maria.
Elimination order:
Cameron, Staci, Dakota, B, Lightning,
Remaining contestants:
Killer Grips: Jo, Mike, Zoey, Sam.
Screaming Gaffers: Brick, Anne Maria, Scott, Dawn.
Author's note:
Lightning is gone. The original draft had him get with Anne Maria at the end of this episode, but Scott and I had other ideas. I'm glad about the more originality of this chapter, I liked Brick and Jo's rivalry being a constant throughout this, I liked Chef hosting the challenge like he should've in canon, and sorry Lightning fans, but you're not gonna see him or B in the aftermath of the next episode. In fact, there won't even be an aftermath episode, I'm planning on taking a more original approach. First I'm gonna replace chapter six, then I'll work on chapter twelve, so you won't be seeing any eliminated contestants until the finale. What a long ways away.
