Olivia
Olivia stood in the doorway watching her husband sleep. His right arm was resting on her pillow and his right leg was outstretched to her side of the bed. Had she been lying next to him, his right arm would have been draped across her upper body, and his right leg across her lower body. Fitz body has to touch Olivia's in order for him to get a good night sleep. It's no shock that Fitz love language is physical touch. Though he will argue it's gifts which is a close second. Fitz show of affection is one of the things Olivia loves most about him. Fitz doesn't hide it either if he loves you he will show you. You will never doubt it. And he has the power to bring it out of you.
Her body wanted to join him in bed. It warranted the closeness. It's been 3 months since she allowed her husband to touch her. She missed his hands and lips roaming her body while they made love. She missed him holding her afterwards. She missed cuddling with him. She missed falling asleep in his arms. She missed her husband.
So why isn't her body and mind on one accord? Why has her mind completely shut him out? Shifting her eyes to her closet the thought of running away danced around in her mind again. It's been a constant nagging thought that she can't seem to shake. Maybe it's because she doesn't want to shake the feeling. If she's being completely honest, running away would make things simpler. Fitz can undo the mistake of marrying her and move on with his life. He can find someone with less baggage. He can find someone who is mature enough to actually communicates with him, instead of running away when a problem arise. He can find someone who doesn't coerce him into a marriage for their own convenience. He can find his true person if she runs.
Walking over to her closet, Olivia quietly slid the door open. She glanced over at Fitz who was still asleep. Turning back around, Olivia picked up her bag and went for her clothes careful not to disturb him. She must've forgotten that Fitz is a light sleeper when she's not sleeping next to him. He heard her the minute she walked into their bedroom, he just played possum until he heard the zipper on her bag opening.
"You don't have to talk to me. You don't have to sleep next to me. You don't have to let me touch me. But you cannot run from me. You cannot walk out on me. You cannot leave me. We are married and we have to figure this out together." Fitz was unnervingly calm for a man watching his wife trying to run away.
She couldn't even face him. The torment she has caused him over the past 3 months is becoming unbearable to look at. He tries to hide it for her sake. But she can see the wear and tear she has caused her husband. His body is tensed. His eyes are colder, he smiles less, and he rocks a permanent scowl. All because Olivia doesn't know how to communicate her fucking feelings.
Hearing the bed shift beneath Fitz as he got up caused Olivia to tense up. With bated breath, she waited for his next move. Fitz walked over to her and snatched the bag out of her hand. He tossed it back into the closet and left their bedroom. Hearing their steps creak told her he was going downstairs, Fitz was making sure Olivia didn't run.
Exhaling a breath she didn't realize she was holding, Olivia grabbed a towel from the drawer and her shower bonnet. After protecting her hair, she set the temperature for her shower, then hopped in. She thought the pelting hot water from the shower head would cease her never ending thoughts. Yet she was so numb, the steamy weather didn't bother her. And everything she has been through these past 4 years continued to plague her mind. Her late father who lost his fight with cancer…her precious Nana Annalise who died of a sudden heart attack a year later…her mother being diagnosed with lupus 6 months after…and then...
"No!" Olivia screamed shaking the last thought from her head as she covered her face with her hands.
After her shower, Olivia dried off and moisturized her body with her favorite whipped shea butter, then she wrapped her hair for bed. When she made it back to her bedroom, she expected to see her husband back in their bed. To her surprise he was not. Olivia bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying, she has pushed him too far this time. She knew this because since being married this is the first time they will be sleeping a part.
The next morning Fitz gave Olivia what she's been giving him these past 3 months, the silent treatment. She watched him the entire time as he got ready for work and he neglected her. He didn't even look at her. He showered, dressed for work, and was out the door without so much as an 'I love you'.
Like clockwork, Raleigh showed up 20 minutes after Fitz pulled off. She cooked Olivia breakfast, brought it up to her, and they watched TV following their normal routine. Olivia knew Raleigh wanted to say something, she had this pondering expression on her face. She's been biting her tongue thus far, siding with Olivia, but now it seems as if her alliance has shifted.
Raleigh took a deep breath before speaking. "You're losing him Liv. You cannot keep shutting him out. Ya'll are married now and this is not how a marriage work." Raleigh paused as she tried to gauge some type of response from Olivia. She got nothing, so she continued, "he was crying in the car. You both loss someone that you had a relationship with, and I don't think it's fair to Fitz that you're making it seem as if you're the only one who loss her." Raleigh finished.
Olivia turned the volume up on the TV dismissing Raleigh and her concerns.
"Okay Liv, have it your way." Raleigh replied feeling routed.
X
Fitz
"Hey Fitz, you wanna grab a drink?" Ivan asked catching Fitz before he got into his car. Their team made a ton of progress today, and Ivan wanted to celebrate the win.
"Yeah sure," Fitz didn't hesitant to accept the invitation. After last night he isn't sure he wants to go back home. Olivia took it too far, she tried to run. Supposed he didn't wake up. Would she have left him a 'Dear John' letter? Would she have left him a note? Or would she have simply disappeared into the thin fucking air. They're married for fuck sake and here she was trying to run away from their marriage because things are rough right now.
"Alright cool, some of the other guys will join us too."
"That's fine, I'll follow you to the bar."
"Cool."
Fitz called Raleigh as he followed Ivan to the bar.
"Hey Fitz, what's up?" She yawned into the phone.
"My team wants to have a couple of celebratory drinks, can you stay a little longer?"
"Yeah no problem."
"Thanks Raleigh." Fitz definitely have to put extra thought into her birthday gift.
"She's asleep by the way and she did eat." She informed Fitz who at this point didn't care what the hell Olivia did.
"I'll be home soon."
"Okay."
Fitz ended the call. He pulled into the parking lot of the bar and parked next to Ivan's car. The other three guys from their team Byron, James, and Vance trickled in right behind them. The men walked into the relatively empty bar. This may become Fitz favorite bar. He isn't a fan of big crowds and this bar is proving to be chilled and quaint.
Ivan bought the first two rounds of drinks for everyone. Fitz bought the next two rounds, and it continued around the circle until the men were buzzed and chatty.
"Is marriage supposed to be this hard?" Fitz asked his colleagues who are all married. The last thing he wanted was to bring down the mood, he just need some advice. None of his friends are married, so while their advice doesn't fall on deaf ears, they cannot relate to something they have no experience with.
"You are only 2 years in kid, try being married for 15 years, then we can talk about whether or not it's hard. I swear I think about strangling my wife at least three times a week. But at the same time I know that I would die without her. While she may be a pain in my ass, that woman is the love of my life, even when I can't stand to look at her. Marriage is all about give and take. Sometimes you will give more than you take and vice versa. This isn't the first rough patch you two will go through or the last. They say life can be like a rollercoaster, well marriage too, there will be ups and downs and when all else fails remember your vows." Vance answered first.
Fitz nodded his head at Vance soaking in what he said. He couldn't help but cynically laughed at the strangling part. He has thought about strangling Olivia at least twice, but he too would die without her. She has become such an integral part of his life. She's his other half.
"If it's not hard then it's not real. Marriage is a full-time job. It's demanding, it's capricious, it's frustrating, but it's rewarding if with the right one. You're setting up a foundation, correcting the mistakes you've seen your parents make in their marriage, and most importantly creating your own little family." Ivan added.
"It'll get better youngster." Byron patted Fitz on the back.
"Yeah and if it doesn't then leave before it's too late. You don't want to be in a loveless sexless marriage." James bitterly replied clearly speaking from experience.
The men continued to talk about marriage, sports, women, and whatever else came to their drunken minds. Had Fitz known his teammates were actually this cool he would've been hung out with them.
"Gentlemen we must do this again." Vance nodded at his teammates.
"Yeah you old farts aren't that bad." Fitz teased.
"Get home safe guys." Ivan replied.
"See you guys." Byron and James both said.
Fitz made the drive home and pulled in behind Raleigh's car. He popped a mint, grabbed his briefcase, and got out of his car. He expected to see Olivia and Raleigh on the couch, but it seems that they didn't make it out of the bed today. Fitz dropped his briefcase on the couch and traipsed upstairs.
"I'm home…even though I'd rather be anywhere else." Fitz muttered still buzzed from the drinks as he walked into his bedroom.
Olivia was lying on her right side asleep. Raleigh slid out of the bed and walked over to Fitz. She hugged and kissed his cheek.
"I'll let myself out and lock up, goodnight Fitz." Raleigh left the bedroom.
"Goodnight." Fitz said to her back. He turned his attention to his wife.
Fitz peeled off his clothes and kicked off his shoes. He crawled in bed and reached for Olivia. She flinched and scooted farther away from him. Fitz ignored her rejection and pulled her closer into him. He wrapped his right arm and right leg around her locking her in place. Olivia tried to pry him off her a few more times before giving up realizing she couldn't break from the grasp he had on her.
"In the past three months I have wanted to strangle you at least twice," Fitz admitted causing Olivia's body to become frozen solid. "But if I was to do that, then I would have to off myself 'cause I can't live without you. My life is you Olivia. Marriage is hard as we are both are seeing. However you and I aren't quitters Olivia. We're only 2 years in and we have 98 more years to go on this rollercoaster. I am down for the ride wherever it takes us," Fitz gripped Olivia tighter. "She's gone Olivia, we lost Brie. I have made amends with it and you need to do the same, so you can move on and heal. Olivia you had to know Iyana coming back was a possibility. And that shit fuckin' hurts I know Liv. We became invested in her and we were so close to finally adopting her only for it to be snatched away from us with no warning –"
"You gave up Fitz. You bowed out. We could've fought Iyana on this and won." Olivia cut Fitz off as she turned to face him. Is this what she's been carrying around in her heart and on her mind for 3 months?
"I gave up? I bowed out? Olivia are you hearing yourself?" Fitz incredulously asked releasing the hold he had Olivia.
"Yeah I am dead ass serious!" Olivia got out of their bed ready to run again.
"No you don't get to run Olivia," Fitz got out of bed and grabbed her before she could run out of their bedroom. "Iyana had every right to get her child back. She became clean, she had a job, and she had a stable home for Brie. Who were we to keep Brie away from that?" Fitz tried to make Olivia understand because she was talking foolishly.
Olivia snatched her arm from him, "and whose to say she will stay clean?! What if she gets back on drugs?! Then what she'll drop Brie back off on our doorstep and expect us to play host parents until she's better again?!" Olivia pushed Fitz in his chest.
"Yes! Olivia you are her godmother that is your job!" Fitz tried to reach for her, but she back away with her hands in the air stopping him.
"I was her mom! I was her mom until one day I wasn't! She was mine while her mother wanted to go off and get high! She called me mom and you dad! She was ours! She was supposed to always be our little girl! You saw how torn she was when the judge announced that she placed back in Iyana's care! I rearranged my life around that little girl and now she's gone! Silly me for being so focused on her when I could've had my own child! We could've had our own child instead of putting all of our time and energy into a child that wasn't ours!" Olivia clicked her tongue with a pool of tears spilling from her eyes. "And to make matters worse my mom is getting sicker and I don't know if she'll be around to actually witness her grandchild being born. My dad will never meet his grandchild. My Nana Annalise will never her grandchild. I've been a horrible wife to you. I know you hate coming home to me. I know you hate being married to me. So do me a favor and leave just like everyone else have in my life." Olivia broke down and seeing his wife lose control of her emotions like this broke Fitz. He's only seen Olivia break down maybe three times in the entirety of their relationship. She hates being vulnerable in front of others because she think it makes her look weak.
"Olivia," Fitz pulled her into an embrace holding her as tight as he could without crushing her. She didn't push him away, she allowed him to hold her. For the first time in 3 months he felt her body relax in his embrace. He could feel her hot tears staining his chest. His own tears were falling into onto her bonnet.
"I am not leaving you. We said 'til death do us part and I have no intention on dying anytime soon. Olivia your father and Nana Annalise didn't want to leave you, I am sure they wanted to stick around forever for you and your mother. But babe life happens and it's not always fair. I didn't want my mom to leave me. I hate the fact that she's not here with me physically. That she didn't get a chance to see me marry my beautiful wife. Then I remember she has seen all my milestones since her passing because she's with me in spirit, as is you father and Nana Annalise. And we have plenty of time to have our children that your mom will be around to see." Fitz kissed the top of Olivia's head hoping she not only listened but internalized everything he said because it's the truth.
"I've been a bitch to you Fitz and I know I need help, just don't ever make me sleep alone again. Don't ever leave the house without telling me you love me. Don't ever stop fighting for me, if you give up on me, then I'll give up on myself." She spoke into his chest finally wrapping her arms around his waist.
"I'll love you forever Olivia." Fitz promised.
"I'll love you forever too husband." Olivia looked up at Fitz and puckered her lips. He met her halfway and kissed her tearstained lips and boy was it one of the most sweetest kisses they've ever shared.
"Liv," Fitz said breaking the kiss.
"Mhm?" She asked with her eyes still closed.
"I am so tired…can we please get some sleep…I haven't slept good in three months." Fitz begged in a whisper against her lips.
"Yes," Olivia grabbed his hand and they got back into bed.
Fitz draped his right arm across her upper body and his right leg across her lower body, within seconds he was asleep.
Hey babes, so our faves had a breakthrough and as many of you guessed the adoption with Brie fell through. I will explain what happened.
Olivia told Fitz that if he gives up on her, then she will give up on herself. Should a person ever be that dependent on their partner? Is that too much pressure?
As always leave your thoughts, until next time babes! Happy V-day if I don't get to update before Sunday.
