In the week that followed Sakura's drunken discoveries, she made it her mission to stay more than busy at the hospital. And it wasn't because her mission was half over and she needed to stay on schedule.
You see, Sakura was no fool.
Being the emotionally mature woman that she was, Sakura considered herself rather skilled at analyzing her own thoughts and feelings in an objective way. She could identify when her anger was rising and pinpoint the catalyst so as to gain control of her emotions. If she was upset she would analyze the situation and rationalize her feelings and deal with them at a later time.
And right now, Sakura knew exactly what was going on.
Sasuke—his presence, his voice, his eyes, his everything—was eliciting from Sakura feelings that she had not confronted in years. And considering everything those old feelings had put her through, it took no time for her to recognize them.
So the real question remained: was this a new love or the same one from when she was a girl?
Through the various tasks she took on during the week, this question lingered in the back of her mind. She tried to compare what she felt now to her infatuation with Sasuke as a kid. And even that proved to be confusing. Sakura could admit that early on in their Genin days, her crush was incredibly superficial. But it had obviously grown into something much more meaningful. Her numerous confessions to him proved that. The last time she had spoken her feelings out loud was almost three years ago during the Fourth Shinobi War. Sakura knew that the times she professed her feelings were in adrenaline-fueled moments. There had been no time to think about her actions, just the intense desperation of what was in her heart.
Sakura spent a couple days with the realization that this was the first time she was able to come to term with her feelings outside of a battle or emotionally-charged goodbye. They had both grown since the war, since the days of fighting on opposite sides and hunting him down with Naruto. There was no immediate risk of not seeing him the next day.
Sakura would even conclude that they were friends right now — a term that didn't quite seem to fit what they were, but she had no other word for it. He was kind to her, talked with her, sought out her opinion on matters that Sakura would bet he didn't bring up with many others. Sakura felt comfortable around him — at peace, even. She no longer stewed in anxiety over his presence, didn't worry about him pushing her away in a casual setting. They had definitely shared moments that bordered intimate.
The way there were now, it was nothing like before. So could this love—because she couldn't deny what it was—be different than before? Did that mean she stopped loving him at some point.
No, she concluded. She definitely never stopped loving him. But what she was feeling now was not like before.
By the end of the week, Sakura knew she was in deep. And she had no solution to get out of it.
It was late in the evening when a knock broke Sakura's attention from the exam she was writing. Looking up from her desk, she called out a 'come in' towards her office door. Haru walked in, bowing slightly before approaching her desk. He placed a stack of files on the corner of her desk. "Here's the reports you asked for the other day," he clarified. "The blue folder has the budget reports for the past month, the green is the most recent patient requests from nearby towns, and the manila folder is the most recent update on Naomi's physical therapy."
Sakura smiled gratefully, thanking Haru as she placed the folders in organized spots on the shelf behind her desk. "Are you heading out for the day?"
Haru gave a brief shake of his head. "Not yet. I'm going to grab some food for Naomi. She's been craving dango lately." He blushed lightly, avoiding Sakura's knowing gaze. "I hope you don't mind me sneaking it in."
The pinkette smirked with a light laugh. "You two seem to be hanging out a lot," she said. Sakura recalled that they had gone on a date shortly before the attack. "Have you asked her out recently?"
Now Haru's face was a dark red. "Well, I mean . . ." he coughed into his fist, shifting his weight. "The dango is going to be a surprise. It's not like I can take her anywhere with her recovery still ongoing." He paused for a moment. "There isn't . . . a policy on dating coworkers, is there?"
Sakura thought on this for a moment. "I don't think so. Every work establishment is different. Usually you can't have a relationship with a superior, but that currently doesn't apply since department heads have not yet been finalized." She smiled at him with an encouraging look. "I think you'll be fine. That is, if she says yes when you do ask," she said teasingly.
This caused the man to become flustered, shooting her a biting look. "You're the worst boss . . ." he mumbled under his breath. He paused for a moment, face going slightly pale. "You don't think . . . she'd say 'no' . . .?"
Sakura almost wanted to walk across the room and slap up upside the head. His sudden nervousness was incredibly reminiscent of Naruto when he first started trying to ask Hinata out. On one hand, it could be so frustrating to watch two people dance around each other when they obviously harbored feelings for the other. On the other hand, it was just too amusing to watch play out.
"Go," Sakura sighed, "before the dango shop closes for the day."
Haru bowed again before heading toward the door. He paused before opening it, looking over his shoulder. "Oh, that budget report is due to the Otokage this evening, by the way." He looked sheepish for a moment. Sakura's eyes narrowed ever so slightly at this, causing Haru to put his hands up in a defensive stance. "Sorry . . . have a good night!" He quickly exited the office before Sakura could respond.
Sakura groaned in frustration, pulling the blue folder back off the shelf behind her. So much for avoiding the source of her emotional confusion. Glancing at the clock, Sakura stood and grabbed her coat. She secretly hoped that for once, Sasuke left his office early and she could just drop off the report and head home.
As Sakura entered the Otokage tower, she was both elated and disappointed to find that Sasuke was still there working. She gripped the folder under arm as she ascended the stairs to the top level where his office resided. Pausing outside the doors, she listened first to check if there was anyone else present. Finding the room empty save for the Uchiha, Sakura knocked softly before entering. 'Here we go', she thought briefly while taking a deep breath.
Sakura had expected Sasuke to be at his desk working on some lengthy document, as he most often was whenever she stopped by. She was mildly surprised to find him clearing things up at the massive desk; his cloak was already fastened over his shoulders.
"Hey," she greeted, watching him glance up from a stack of papers. He gave her a silent nod in greeting before returning to his task. 'Okay, he's acting normal . . . I can work with that.' Sakura walked forward, pulling the folder out from under her arm. "Not to give you more work, but . . ." She held out the folder. Sasuke gazed curiously at the item, opening it to briefly look through the papers. "Budget report for the hospital. Haru just finished it," she clarified.
Sasuke acted as if he was about to close the folder and place it away for a later time, but something seemed to catch his eye. He set the papers on his desk before walking to a nearby shelf and pulling out a similar folder — the previous budget report. He shuffled between papers in both folders before settling a moment. Unsure of what he was looking for, Sakura simply stood in front of his desk, idly watching him go through the various documents. For a brief moment, the idea crossed her mind that something was done incorrectly on the budget report, but quickly dismissed the idea. Haru was meticulous, and there was no way Sasuke could catch a mistake that quickly, anyway. So what was the problem?
After a minute, Sasuke looked up at her from the folders, his eyes curious. "Are there more patients than usual?" Sakura blinked at him in confusion. He turned the papers around, pointing at one of the subsections. "More money was brought in the past month than before. That would indicate there being more patients."
Sakura's eyes ran over the numbers between the two reports, first making sure that Haru didn't miscalculate. Then she remembered the other documents he had delivered to her office earlier. "We have more new patients coming into the village," she explained. "Typically, small towns will take advantage of services offered by larger developed villages, hospitals included. Oto Hospital must be gaining attention outside the village borders; we've attracted many more families into our medical facilities." She straightened then, giving Sasuke a grin. "This is a good thing — it means the hospital is becoming more successful and will bring money into the village."
A glimmer of satisfaction danced across Sasuke's gaze as he reread the reports. "Did this require any kind of advertisement?"
Sakura shook her head, pride filling her chest. "Nope. Just word-of-mouth from our own shinobi as they are out on missions. Sometimes that's the best kind of advertisement."
She looked up in time to see him watching her, eyes soft with admiration. Sakura turned and headed toward the door; she could feel heat rising to her cheeks. The look he gave her brought back flashes of last weekend on her porch. As she was about to open the door to leave, Sasuke was beside her and opening it for her. "Have you eaten?" he asked, ushering her out and locking the office. She admitted than she hadn't eaten since breakfast, which caused Sasuke to give her a reproachful look. "Of course you haven't," he muttered.
He turned on his heel then and headed down the hallway, Sakura following close behind. "You're leaving the office earlier than usual," she noted aloud.
"I was actually heading out to come find you," he admitted over his shoulder. They descended the stairs to the main level, passing a number of Jounin along the way. Formal nods and bows were given to their Otokage, a sight that still caught Sakura off guard. "I wanted to talk to you."
He kept his eyes forward as they headed out into the street, so Sakura wasn't able to discern anything from his face. She wondered what he could want to talk about. A number of possibilities ran through her mind as he led her through the streets, but none seemed to be plausible. They came up to a street lined with local cafes and carry-out vendors. At one point they passed Haru, a couple bags of dango in his arms; Sakura gave him a knowing grin as he headed in the direction of the hospital.
They stopped into a small family-owned joint that served traditional dishes and kid-friendly options. Both adults ordered their preferred meals, Sakura following Sasuke's lead in specifying that the food was 'To-Go'. Waiting for their food, Sakura had to fight down the sense that this was starting to feel like an informal date — meeting after work, heading out to grab food, just the two of them. 'I feel like I'm twelve again . . .' she thought, shaking her head, thinking back to when she used to overanalyze their interactions.
"What is it?"
Sasuke was giving her an inquiring look, noting her odd behavior. Feeling sheepish, Sakura waved off his question. "Nothing," she said briskly. "What did you want to talk about?"
Sasuke looked as if he were about to answer, but was interrupted by their names being called from the serving counter. The two stepped forward, grabbed their respective orders, and left the venue.
It took a few minutes to weave through the evening crowd until they could walk side by side and be able to hear each other talk. Sasuke picked their conversation back up. "Last weekend, you had asked about what Kazuo and were talking about."
It took Sakura a moment to comprehend what he was talking about. Then she remembered: walking into the restaurant, the two men at the table, heatedly discussing something in hushed voices. She had asked him about it after they'd left the restaurant . . .
"You told me to ask you another time . . ." she recalled. Sasuke nodded once, eyes on the road. He stayed quiet, though; Sakura wondered if he was struggling with whatever he wanted to say next.
While waiting for him to elaborate, she glanced around at their surroundings. They were entering a corner of the village she realized was uncharted territory for her. It resembled a residential district, though significantly fewer houses; the ones that stood were well-distanced, allowing for privacy outdoors. Sakura noted that the homes were relatively older than the other areas of the village. The spacious properties were marked off by rows of trees, allowing for shade over the homes.
Sasuke shifted the bag in his hand to hang from the crook of his elbow as he dug into his pocket for a set of keys. A moment later, he turned them down a small road that led up to a modest home at the edge of the neighborhood. The two-story building had a dark grey exterior with windows lining the front-facing walls. There was a stone porch that wrapped around the front of the house, winding out to the side; Sakura wondered if it went to the back of the house, as well. She could also see that there was a massive field stretching out behind the building, making the end of the property unclear.
With a jolt, Sakura realized: Sasuke was leading her to his home.
There must have been a type of look on her face — Sasuke was smirking at her as they approached the front door. She blinked a few times as she sorted her thoughts. "I just realized . . . I never knew where you lived," she said quietly. Sasuke opened the door and gestured for her to enter, following close behind and closing the door.
He led her through the entryway, down a cream-painted hallway, and into a kitchen with an attached dining area. Taking in what she could see, Sakura observed the light-colored walls and detailed wood trimming around the house. The cabinets and furniture matched the trim, giving the house a warm and welcoming atmosphere. "Why have I never been here before, Sasuke?" she asked, admiring the simple decor and furnishings.
"Didn't have a reason to have you here," was his simple reply. He paused, as if reconsidering his words, then continued on. "I don't bring people here often. No reason to." He pulled out containers of food and placed them on the dining table. "But I wanted somewhere private to talk."
Sakura nodded, though not entirely understanding — she still didn't know what their conversation was actually going to be about. However, she held on to her patience and helped Sasuke with setting out the food. As they sat down, Sakura made herself comfortable and glanced at him from across the table. Any anxieties of being in his presence were gone, replaced with a curiosity over his intentions. "So, you and Kazuo . . .?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes slightly, picking at his food. "Yes. I would like your opinion on something." He took a bite and chewed, contemplating his words. "I need to start the process of replacing the members of the High Council. I also need to figure out what to do about the ones who are still missing."
Sakura felt her chest constrict slightly at this. Sasuke was asking for her opinion about political matters? Not only that, but issues that were highly sensitive not only to the village but also to the position of Otokage. She wondered briefly if he was allowed to discuss such things with her, let alone ask for her opinion about them. And on top of that, it almost felt as if he were seeking advice on the matter. He had already spoken with Kazuo — a Sound shinobi whom Sasuke trusted — so why speak with her, someone who did not belong to this village?
It hit her just how much Sasuke valued her opinion to be opening up about such topics.
Sakura recalled the fact that the previous council had attempted a coup against Sasuke, believing him unfit to be Otokage. "Has there been any progress with Denza?" she asked, thinking about the member that had been captured and interrogated.
Sasuke shook his head. "No," he scowled. "I think we've gotten all we could out of him, to be honest. We still have no idea where the remaining members are at." He put down his utensils to rub at his temple, feeling a headache come on. "Kazuo thinks we should contact the other kage about what happened, inform them about the attempted coup."
She watched him carefully, analyzing his mannerisms and watching his eyes. "You don't want to," Sakura stated. She didn't need to question it — Sasuke was becoming easier to read, especially when they were alone. He shook his head once, staring down at the table. "Why not?"
The man raked a hand through his hair — a clear sign that he was frustrated — and exhaled sharply. "I don't want to prove them right," he said quietly.
Sakura gazed at him questioningly. "Who? The council?"
Sasuke shook his head, not looking at her when he elaborated. "When I decided to become the Otokage, the other kage made it clear that they didn't think it would work out. I don't know what they expected, but they did not think I could do it."
Sakura frowned at this. To think that Sasuke had been facing doubt even before he was officially titled Otokage . . . it was no wonder the council's coup had shaken him so much.
While she wasn't close with most of the other kage, or even had much interaction with them, she did know Tsunade and Kakashi. She didn't doubt that at the time, Tsunade may have doubted Sasuke's ability to lead a broken village. But Kakashi knew Sasuke better than any of the other kage. She wondered how he would react upon learning of what Sasuke was struggling through. It didn't take much thought to know that Kakashi would want to know, and would do anything in his power to assist Sasuke. And then to think about how it would come across to the other kage that he didn't tell them . . .
"I think they should know," she said gently. Sasuke raised his gaze to meet hers, searching for an explanation. "Word about the attack is sure to have reached the other villages — you were with the other kage in Konoha when you found out. I think that hiding the truth would negatively impact village relations. It may come off as you not trusting the other village leaders."
"I don't trust most of them," he reminded her, bitterness in his voice.
"Then how can you expect them to trust and support you?" Sakura countered. "None of them have had proper interactions with you since the Sound Village was reborn. They may be waiting for you to prove that you have changed. And it isn't their job to figure that out," she said quickly, noticing he was about to give a retort. "You've proved yourself to your villagers and shinobi. Now it's time to work on doing the same for the other kage."
Sasuke thought over her words for a few minutes, turning them over in his mind. He didn't want to admit that she was probably right. After a bit, he sighed in resignation. "I'll form an official press release. Kazuo can put out a warrant for the arrests of the remaining council members."
Sakura nodded, supporting the decision. She finished up her plate of food before leaning back in her chair. "So now you just need to form a new council."
"Yes," Sasuke replied. "And before you suggest it, I am not involving the other kage in that process," he said firmly.
Sakura rolled her eyes with a half-hearted scowl of her own. "I wasn't going to. They shouldn't be involved, anyway." At this, Sasuke seemed to relax.
The two spent the remainder of the hour going over ideas of what the council should look like: the right size, who should be on it, how members were to be selected, the idea of setting a limit of how long one could serve on the council. Sakura was intrigued by the ideas that Sasuke brought forth — they were unlike how the other villages' councils operated. While Sakura's main experience was Konoha, she had good insight into how other villages tackled the issue. Each village's High Council varied in size, ranging from three members — such as Konoha — to upwards of fifteen people. As far as Sakura knew, the Leaf Village Council members started serving at the beginning of the Third Hokage's reign over the village. That accounted for several decades of control over the governing of the village. On top of that, all of the members had been friends of the Third — the nepotism was clear and had resulted in a number of issues over time.
What Sasuke was looking for was a council that represented various areas of the village: the businesses, the academy, the hospital, and the shinobi forces. He truly wanted to create a membership that would work to benefit all aspects of the village. He also made it clear that he did not want people who just bowed down to him. "I want people who will tell me if I'm making an unwise decision," he reasoned. "There should be a balance of opinions and beliefs."
By the end of the evening, Sakura grew to understand why Sasuke wanted to speak with her about all of this. While Kazuo was a trusted shinobi and friend to Sasuke, one who was both intelligent and honest in his thoughts, he lacked what Sakura had: personal experience with how a village operated. Having been Tsunade's disciple, Sakura had been given an inside look into the workings of the Leaf Village, even having done some of the Fifth's work when she was too drunk to do it herself. Sakura offered a detailed view of the balance of powers in a political system, knew what had specifically caused issues and what was beneficial in Konoha.
Sakura felt both honored and elated that Sasuke valued her opinion this much on matters unrelated to her hospital work. He allowed himself to fully express his ideas to her, explaining his goals and hopes. He allowed her to talk him down from his fears that he was becoming to ambitious and progressive too soon.
On his part, Sasuke enjoyed having someone he trusted to speak to so candidly. While he fully trusted Isamu and Kazuo, talking to Sakura — debating with Sakura — was completely different. Her intellect was the only one in the village to fully match his own, and she had no problem telling him when he was wrong. It was something he truly appreciated about their relationship. In truth, it was the nature of how to talked with each other that inspired Sasuke's vision of what his council should look like. Sakura challenged him to think differently, to consider points he never would have thought of otherwise. She was respectful of his views, but didn't shy away from telling him when she disagreed and why. He wanted someone like her on the council: smart, trustworthy, selfless; someone who did what the could for the good of others.
It was well after dark by the time that the two were walking the streets once more, heading for Sakura's apartment. Sasuke had offered to walk her home — a growing habit, Sakura was finding — as a silent thanks for her input and time. Along the way, Sakura updated him on the current progress of the hospital. Sasuke listened with the same attentiveness she'd given him throughout the evening, asking questions when appropriate. Even after six months of watching the hospital evolve, it still amazed him just how capable she was that she was doing this entirely on her own.
"The placement exams will happen later this week, so we should be having students shadow various departments soon and choosing specialties," she explained.
"If they can choose their specialty, what's the purpose of the exam?" Sasuke asked, genuinely curious.
Sakura's face became thoughtful at this. "Well, I guess it's more like an application test than an exam. They have to narrow down their options to two or three choices, and then study for those areas specifically. They take an exam over each area to make sure they qualify for that specialty. Whatever ones they pass, they can choose from."
"Do you think there will be any students who don't pass?"
Sakura shook her head. "No, I don't think so. They all seem so motivated and determined to succeed. They're engaged in the lectures and I've been getting good reports on their applied lab classes." She paused for a moment to yawn, stretching her arms over her head. "It will be interesting to see how the departments flesh out. I'm going to need to pick department heads and attendings for each area," she went on, going over the list of hierarchy in her head. "A Chief of Staff, a Medical Director, probably a Head of Research."
They grew closer to the complex that her apartment was in. "What were you?" Sasuke asked. "Back in the Leaf."
Sakura thought on this for a moment. "I guess you'd say that I was an Attending, although I was never given a specific title. I could lead major cases on my own, completed medical training with Tsunade and passed the necessary exams for different specialty areas. But since I was still assigned to missions, it didn't make sense to place me anywhere too specific."
Sasuke nodded at this. He wondered then if Sakura would ever retire from missions and lead the hospital in Konoha. Her work with the Oto Hospital was remarkable. He pushed away the question of who would take over when she left.
She rambled on about various hospital positions as they climbed the stairs to her apartment door, Sasuke listening idly. Before they exchanged goodbyes, a sudden thought occurred to him. He paused, placing a hand on her arm to grab her attention.
"Tomorrow, stop by my office at the end of the day," he said casually. "The Academy wants to incorporate medical ninjutsu in their lessons. The director will want to talk with you personally about this."
Sakura smiled and gave a nod. "Yeah, sure, I can do that. Do I need to bring anything specific?"
"No," Sasuke said. "You should be fine. Just be there around five."
Realizing his hand was still on her arm, Sasuke withdrew it and took a step back. They now stood on either side of the threshold into her apartment. Although it resembled the situation the previous weekend, both adults were sober enough to take note of everything around them. Sakura had her arms wrapped around herself, cheeks flushed from the cold. As for himself, Sasuke could feel the physical urge to simply step over the invisible line that separated them and join her inside. If he were any other man, it's exactly what he would do.
Sakura seemed to read his intentions. "Do you . . . want to come inside?" she offered hesitantly, watching him carefully. Sasuke couldn't help but sigh at this, eyes closing. It was enough of an answer for the woman; her smile was mixed with the embarrassment she felt. "Sorry," she said quietly. "I just figured it would be common curtesy after having me over for dinner."
Sasuke opened his eyes and stared at her; after a moment his lips turned into the tiniest of smiles. Sakura felt her heart stutter at the sight, chest constricting.
"Maybe next time," he said, voice just barely more gentle than she was familiar with.
Before Sakura could say anything, she was already watching the man walk down the way from her apartment building. Once her door was closed, the pink-haired woman leaned against the closest wall. She slid down until she was sitting on the floor, her heart hammering inside her chest. Even after so many years and so much personal growth, Sakura could recall the familiar sting of rejection, even if it was done gently. Even if the reasons for doing so weren't personal.
She wasn't deluded to the fact that things were different now: Sasuke holding the title of Otokage made their companionship incredibly complicated. She knew that this simple fact had a heavy weight on the decisions Sasuke made regarding their interactions. While she knew that he sometimes let her slip through the cracks of his facade, Sakura was aware that he wanted to remain as professional as possible. She couldn't — wouldn't — allow herself to be offended by that.
It doesn't stop the ache and longing she felt, though.
Sakura took a couple minutes on the floor to gain control over her emotions. 'I should not be this affected . . .' she couldn't help but think dimly.
Of course she loved him — had she ever really stopped? Maybe that would never change. But he had changed, she knew. It was clear in the way he was open with her, how he didn't seem to be bothered by her presence. Sakura would even say that he welcomed her company. It was such a nice change from who they used to be.
For this reason alone, Sakura knew she should not push what they had in a direction that was unrealistic. There was so much good between them now; they held an honest friendship. Sakura didn't want to risk ruining that for anything, even if it meant that he could want her as much as she wanted him.
Standing from her spot near the door, Sakura let out a humorless chuckle. Of course, knowing Sasuke and his ability to sort his emotions from reason, he probably wasn't fighting the same turmoil. He would find it easy to recognize that anything more than what they had was unwise.
So she wouldn't push. As much as Sakura would always wish for a taste of what they could be together, she would not put him in a position to make a choice on the matter.
A/N
Apologies that this one is a bit short; it's kind of a tie-in to the end of this whole section.
I love writing this story, and I love that so many of you are enjoying it! I get so excited to read your reviews and comments; they are a huge motivator to keep writing :)
See you soon!
